


Love Was Such A Killing Thing

by Anorlost



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Coercion, Concussions, Extremely Dubious Consent, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Possessive Behavior, Rape in chapter 41, Rape/Non-con Elements, Snoke Ships It, Sociopathy, Terrible things happening to minor original characters, kylo ren does not understand consent, long fic, mature for later chapters, talk of date rape, whether Hux likes it or not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-05-23 04:13:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 41
Words: 227,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6104539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has set his sights on the General.  Hux is not being given much of a choice in the matter and finds flawed ways of coping with the knight's 'affection'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take Warning How You Court Young Men

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Countofeight who betas for me and shall here on and hence forth be known as Smutty McSmutterson the Second of Smutzburgh Smutselvenia. I owe you pancakes for this. PS. In the omake Kylo is reading from an actual relationship guide that really exists. Be afraid people.

The hallway that lead to the Holochamber where audiences with the Supreme Leader were held was a long and narrow one. Claustrophobically so, especially compared with the spacious and lofty chamber. There was the platform before the dark, hazy hologram, the narrow catwalk, and then beyond the blast doors was this ridiculous hall. Hux supposed he could look up an accurate measurement, but if he was asked to give an estimate, he would say it was about fifty feet from the entrance of the chamber to the end of the hall where the guards were stationed.

  
Hux questioned the necessity of such a long hall, not to mention the guards. One would think the notion of angering the head of the First Order, a being who could control mystical forces and asphyxiate a man with a thought would be deterrent enough. What sort of idiot would burst into Supreme Leader Snoke’s private audience chamber, hack the communications controls, and bother such a powerful man on a whim? Still, the design was what it was, and General Hux was not going to question it. Not verbally, at any rate. His place was to obey, not to question, when it came to anything involving the Supreme Leader.

  
When his most recent audience with Snoke had ended, Hux left the chamber, grateful to step into a decently lit area again, and he gave himself permission to breathe freely again as he took quick strides down the hall. Even if there was no practical purpose for it, Hux found the walk gave him just enough time to steel his nerves again and refocus on what needed to be done. Engineering was behind schedule. Casualties had left several platoons in need of fresh Stormtroopers. Several consoles needed replacing after an unfortunate run in with Kylo Ren’s Lightsaber.

  
As for the Knight of Ren, who had also been present, Hux ignored him. They only spoke when necessary and the moments after their audiences with the Supreme Leader were no different. Outside of exchanging tense, curt, orders or sharing information, they never spoke and certainly never went out of their way to seek out the other’s company. They would walk away and be content if they did not have to interact until their next meeting.

  
Which was part of the reason it was so shocking when Hux suddenly could not move his legs.

  
He had been midstride, balanced precariously on the toes of one foot and the heel of the other. His first instinct was to fight the invisible bonds that held him in place, the second was to look down and make sure his body was still attached. He tried to look down at least but found he could not move. His face remained fixed, staring straight ahead.

  
Hux continued his attempts to struggle as he heard the blast doors close behind him. He could hear another pair of boots on the polished floors. He ought to have known it was Ren. His body jerked as he tried to turn to confront him, shout at him for having the audacity to use his strange magic on him. It was bad enough he used it on lower ranked officers and troopers who displeased him, but this was beyond the pale. Hux wanted to spin on his heels and deck Ren in his masked face.

  
The footsteps stopped and Hux felt an unfamiliar warmth radiating behind him. How close was Ren? He wanted to turn and check, but his neck had other ideas. He was the furthest from amused he had ever been in his life. He tried to bark his displeasure at Ren.

  
“R…n…”

  
So his tongue and jaw were being held as well. Just how much of his body could Ren shut down? His lungs? His heart? His brain? His anger was checked by fear as the thought of Ren being able to give him an aneurism without lifting a finger suddenly occurred to him.

  
“General,” Ren said at last.

  
Hux tried to ignore the warmth at his back. He focused on Ren’s voice. It was different, lighter, breathy, though that might have been because he was keeping his voice low. He heard something that sounded like a sniffle and hoped Ren did not have a bloody cold. The last thing he needed was Ren literally snivelling all over him.

  
Hux tried to reply. He tried to say something flippant and witty. It came out as a string of strangled consonants through gritted teeth, “R…l…g…”

  
He saw something through the corner of his eye. Long, slender fingers approaching the side of his face. Hux tried to move, wanted to move as he watched them out of the corner of his eye. He had seen Ren read minds before. He knew what was happening.

  
Hux had no experience with this Force or how to defend against it, but he had a feeling that the loudest thoughts were the ones Ren would hear first. His mind snapped back to self defense classes. If an opponent had every advantage; distract or stun the assailant to break free and make a hasty retreat. Hux thought as loudly as he could on an image or train of thought that might throw Ren off if he penetrated his mind. He brought every atrocity he had ever witnessed in battlefield simulations to the surface of his mind.

  
It seemed to work. Ren faltered and the fingers drew back slightly. Hux would have smirked if he could move his lips. He thought harder, more violent, something that Ren would not want to sift through, something so foul that it might just break his hold.

  
That was when it happened. Ren touched him. His fingers settled over Hux’s temple with disturbing and entirely unwelcome gentleness.

  
It ought to have been nothing. In any other circumstance with anybody else Hux would have had them court marshaled and sent for reconditioning. But here, being held fast, Hux could not even squirm.

  
He fought harder, and in his desperation his thoughts became less focused. He felt a strange tingling sensation run down his spine and across his shoulders. Unable to move he was hyperaware of everything. Ren’s fingers. The rhythm of his breathing. Not muffled, he must have taken that stupid helmet off. Heat was still seeping through his coat and into his skin.

  
Ren was roughly two inches taller than Hux. Three with the helmet and three and a half with the hood. He seemed much larger than that now. Hux could feel him breathing, close to his left ear, sending more of those shivers down his back. More than that, Hux could swear he could feel Ren’s eyes on him, and he disliked it immensely.

  
His breath hitched involuntarily as Ren’s fingers moved, snaking from his temple through the hair just over his ear. They were shaking. Hux tried to focus on that. Ren’s hand was shaking. Like a child, he must have been testing the limits of what he could and could not get away with. He must have known somewhere in that thick, helmeted skull of his that this was far beyond what would be tolerated.

  
The knight continued, raking his trembling fingers through Hux’s hair, “For all your efforts, your rank, your training, you can’t resist me.”

  
Hux desperately wanted to shake off Ren’s hand as it trailed down to the nape of his neck.

  
Ren’s face came into view through the corner of Hux’s eye. It was not the first time seeing his face, long, a large uneven nose, moles, hair that had long since outgrown regulation length. The look in his eyes caught Hux’s attention though. He was not making eye contact, an out of place display of submissiveness. His dark eyes would move up and down, glancing briefly at Hux’s face, ignoring the eyes before moving down again. It was hardly the look he expected from someone who had the upper hand.

  
Ren continued, keeping his voice low, “You act like you’re more powerful than you are.”

  
He knew he was still in danger, but Hux now felt more secure than he had been. Ren was clearly nervous, keeping out of the guard’s earshot, refusing to make eye contact, his hand, making another pass through his hair, was shaking. Whatever this was, vindictive, gloating, or experimental as it was, it did not seem likely to end in violence.

  
That was a small comfort though as Ren’s face moved closer, leaning down slightly to look straight at his face. Ren’s nerves were causing him to breathe loudly through his mouth, to constantly purse and chew at his lips, eyes flicking up and down skittishly as he petted the General.

  
The great Kylo Ren had subdued him with all his mystical strength to stroke his hair and whisper idle threats? If this this was a power trip it was a strange one. Ren seemed more nervous than pleased with his actions. Why would he do this if he disliked it? Hux thought about the beating he would lay on Ren if only he could get his limbs free.

  
“Stop,” said Kylo, warningly, “You know you can’t fight this.”

  
He’s saying that, but everything in his body language speaks to the contrary, Hux thought to himself, careful to try to keep his analysis quiet. Thankfully Ren did not seem to notice those thoughts and continued, “You have no idea how infuriating it is to hold back.”

  
Then what was he hesitating for? It was as if Ren was trying to convince himself of the truth in his words. Hux tried to break off the connection again. He thought of his old drill instructor screaming in his face. It was not as violent as what he had used before, but it was sharp and sudden enough a noise that it briefly startled Ren into flinching away.

  
“Stop,” Ren hissed. He reached out and tilted Hux’s jaw. They were face to face now, but Ren’s eyes kept dipping down or darting to the side. He was frustrated, clearly, but there was something else. Kylo wanted something, or had something to say, but he was hesitating. The suspense and curiosity drove Hux more insane than the finger Kylo used to trace his mouth. Ren continued, “Be quiet, I’m trying to…”

  
Trying to what? There was nothing to be gained from this, nothing at all. He wondered briefly, if he could startle Ren perhaps he might get enough leverage to bite his fingers. It would be undignified, but it was all he had to work with.

  
Ren’s hand trailed downwards and Hux tried to think of anything that was not the prospect of being strangled. He thought of the time a TIE fighter nearly crashed into the bridge, the fear as it suddenly hurtled towards him and the scramble to get the gunners to shoot it down before it collided into them. Ren’s eyes narrowed and his fingers closed around Hux’s throat, “Stop!”

  
There was another sudden shift. Ren almost immediately loosened his grip, hands shaking again as he pulled back and stroked Hux’s jawline with the back of his fingers, almost apologetically. He went back to breathing heavily through his mouth and averting his eyes.

  
“You can’t fight me,” said Ren, his voice slightly higher pitched than it usually was. Nerves would do that. His fingers trailed down and hooked into Hux’s collar, “You know you can’t win, so…let…let me…"

Oh.  _Oh_...

  
Hux’s eyes widened. This frightened him. More so than being killed, which made no sense at all. He had never been faced with this scenario and had never prepared for it. He had never assumed anyone would have the strength or audacity to hold him down and force themselves on him. He knew it happened to other people, but he never imagined he would be singled out as a target. That he would ever be weak enough to be selected as a victim.

  
And why was Ren hesitating? He clearly had few to no moral scruples. He could kill anyone who caught him in the act, or scramble their brains beyond functionality so what? Was it the scenario itself? In classes on behavioural analysis Hux had learned that felons who operated based on ritual or trying to recreate a fantasy would not, could not, act unless everything was perfect.

  
_‘Let me.’_

  
He remembered the strain in Ren’s voice. That must have been it. Kylo was waiting for consent. If he held out long enough, resisted enough, then perhaps…

  
Hux focused his thoughts, _‘No_.  _I don't want this._ ’

  
“You’ll like it,” Kylo whispered insistently. Hux wondered which of them he was trying to convince. The knight raised his hand raked it through Hux’s hair again, “I can feel how much you enjoy it when I do this.”

  
Whether or not he had enjoyed the first human contact outside of the odd handshake he had felt in years was irrelevant. Hux tried again, in his desperation rambling disjointedly, ‘ _I don’t like this, I don’t want this. There is no point to this. Why are you_ -’

  
“Because you act so damned untouchable. Now...now you had better stop lying to me, General, or else…or else I'll...”

  
That was likely the most childish thing Hux had ever heard, and if Ren had not been freezing him in place, threatening him and carressing him against his will, Hux would have laughed in his face. Perhaps if he had been able to Ren would have seen how ridiculous his behaviour was and might have backed off. Hux felt large, shaky hands slip under his arms to hold either side of his hips and all thoughts of laughing disappeared. He was thankful for the layers of uniform clothing that separated Ren from his skin. None the less, shivers shot down his back again. Hux felt small, powerless, and he hated it. His breath quickened. All he could do was repeat, _‘No!_ ’

  
He tried to keep them out of his thoughts, the _‘I don’t want this’_ and _‘I don’t like this’_ that Ren took so much umbrage to. He must have failed. A hand shot to his jaw to tilt his face up again, “I told you to stop lying!”

  
Hux stiffened. Ren had not spoken, his lips had not moved. Ren was inside his head.

  
Hux expected gloating. He expected Ren to show him moments of humiliation, pain, trauma, or some long buried weakness to be thrown in his face. He did not expect to see Ren’s thoughts and memories. Hux saw himself, as plainly as if he was looking in a mirror. There were feelings of frustration but they were mottled and twisted around attraction. Then curiosity. What did he feel like? What would he look like without that uniform?

  
_‘No!’_ Hux repeated.  He focused on it, just the one word, as strong as he could make it.

  
Ren was becoming more frustrated and now Hux could feel disjointed emotions bouncing around in his mind. Lust, embarrassment, fear...and longing.

  
The thoughts assaulted Hux’s brain relentlessly, all of them accompanied by short, blurred, dreamt up images. Kisses, touching, the eeriness of what Ren thought it would sound like when he moaned. Ren’s voice sounded in his head, “Stop fighting me!”

  
Hux pushed through it all, the confusion of standing face to face with Ren while his other senses were convinced he was laying on his back. Ren’s hands, white hot on his side and neck, Ren’s thoughts and feelings of desire being implanted in his mind. All obstacles to break through as he concentrated as hard as he could.

  
_‘I. SAID. **NO**.’_

  
Kylo stopped. Had he won? Ren’s hands remained on his side and the back of his neck. His dark eyes flashed to the side, but without hesitation. It was as if he were looking at something, someone, listening intently. He glanced back at Hux, briefly, before turning his eyes back to whatever it was that had his attention. Ren sighed, a childish, dejected noise and took his mask from his belt. In doing so he took his hands off of Hux, who would have shivered from the sudden cold if he had been able.

  
“My master says I’m not to distract you,” said Ren, coldly, clinically, nothing like before. He gave Hux one final look before replacing his mask, “We’ll discuss this later.”

  
He turned on his heel and was a good twenty paces ahead before Hux lurched forward, stumbling into a standing position after being released. Immediately he brushed his hair back into place, trying to erase the feelings of Ren’s hands on him before he replaced his cap. It did not take long to calm himself, the ability to make decisions and stay focus under stress was imperative for an officer. He thought of what needed to be done and pushed all thoughts of Ren and what might have just happened between them aside. Engineering was behind, they needed double efforts to get back on schedule. Recruits needed to be sent for and deceasement notifications needed to be sent out.

  
He moved forward, his breathing evening out. He checked the timestamp on the datapad in his pocket to see how much time had been wasted. Three minutes? Strange, it felt longer than that. The guards saluted as he passed, Hux waved his hand, a wordless command to continue as they were.

  
Because that was all there was for it, wasn’t there? Don’t question it, move forward, and keep to schedule.

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity** :

 

Phasma clapped a hand to her forehead, causing a loud clang to sing out as her glove collided with her helmet.

  
“Please tell me you didn’t try to seduce the General.”

  
Ren was a blubbering mess, tears and snot pouring down his face as he pathetically whimpered, “I did…”

  
Phasma sighed, “Well, at least you didn’t pin him down with the Force against his will and try to coerce him into-”

  
Ren let out a gross sob and Phasma’s eyes widened in disbelief, “Oh…”

  
Kylo was clutching a blanket and pillow under his arm. Guess he’s staying over tonight, Phasma thought to herself. She wondered though, “Lord Ren…what exactly made you think the General would like…that approach?”

  
Ren released the pillow and blanket under his arms and pulled a small booklet from his belt. It had actual pages, it might have been an antique. Ren read aloud through hiccups and sobs, “Sometimes a girl starts off by saying you can’t do certain things but then she gets turned on and she changes her mind and lets you go to town. So keep trying, you never know when a no can turn into a yes.” He hiccupped, “I th-thought maybe h-he was p-playing hard to g-get.”

  
That was the worst dating advice Phasma had ever heard.  The author deserved to be dragged out into the streets and shot. Ren stood in the hall, clutching his very, very flawed manual and sobbing. He blubbered pathetically, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  
Phasma stepped out of the doorway and heaved another sigh, “Come in.”

  
This was going to be a long night.


	2. Tell Me That First Token

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my sushi buddy Countofeight for beta-ing. Also I think I accidentally stole your hoodie. Sorry.  
> Fun fact: All the chapter names take their titles from Irish folk songs because I ran out of ideas. If you can guess which ones you're a fantastic person. If you can't...you're still fantastic!

 

 

 

Hux did not deliberately avoid Ren. No more than he usually had, in any case. He made no alterations to his schedule to stay out of the knight’s way and did not seek him out for confrontation. When they did meet, he would practice surfacing thoughts. The second he saw Ren he would allow his eyes to narrow slightly as he willed his brain to think nothing but a loud and clear, ‘ _No_.’

He must have been getting better at it. He had come up from behind Ren, who must have been lost in his own thoughts, and gave his loud routine refusal. Ren had visibly flinched, as if startled by an explosion or blaster bolt. On that occasion Hux could not help smirking slightly. It was almost enough to make him forget that if Ren wanted to, he could have strangled Hux from across the room. The General glanced at the masked man as he passed, muttered a cold, polite, “Ren,” and was on his way.

Sometimes it would cross his mind that Ren had had, and indeed probably still had the desire to bed him. As soon as the thought came to him, Hux would shove it aside and find something to check, monitor or update. He did not have time for Ren’s stupid, childish desires.

It haunted his subconscious though. He had recurring dreams about being held down, unable to move, Ren bearing down on him, hands roaming over his body. It was nothing medication could not cure. A quick jaunt to the medical bay and one prescription later he returned to a regular, if short, sleep cycle and bland dreamless nights.

Ren, for the most part, left him alone. At first he had imagined that he had been seeing Ren more frequently, but he was aware that it was common to have paranoid thoughts after being assaulted. When he stopped to think about it logically, he was seeing Ren no more often than he used to. His mind, now acute and sensitive to the dark presence, was causing Ren’s incidental nearness to stand out more. It was nothing but his mind tapping into a primitive defense mechanism. The knight, for his part, had not made any mention of nor attempted to repeat his actions after their audience with the Supreme Leader, despite his final threat. He did not project any thoughts or words into Hux’s head, though the General could not help but think Ren stared a little more than usual. Other than that, things between them continued as they always had.  

What _was_ unusual was a plague of clumsiness that seemed to be sweeping through the ship. Lieutenant Decuna taking medical leave was the first Hux had noticed, but a quick glance at the list of absences showed unusually high numbers, and a diverse array of injuries. He glanced at the medical report, Decuna, Dagrun, broken leg, fell from a platform. Lecrocs, Famton, broken arm, fell from a platform. Nexus, Kan, shattered tibia, fell from a platform. Somehow, in five days, no fewer than fifteen men and women had fallen from platforms.

Hux was of course aware of what ‘fell from a platform’ was code for. In the Academy cadets who had been fighting would blame their injuries on accidents. Better to be thought of as clumsy then get another cadet punished for brawling. Anyone who did admit to fighting was quickly informed by their fellow cadets that this was not the way of their pack. Usually this information was accompanied by missing teeth, broken limbs and sometimes something worse depending on how creative the antagonists were feeling. And if the fear of being beaten down by fellow cadets was not enough to keep someone silent, the humiliation that came with admitting one was weak enough to allow someone to injure them so badly, was. But that was then, this was now. They were not children, they were not half-witted teenagers, they were grown men and women, and Hux expected some degree of order and maturity from his crew.

So suddenly all of his men were fighting. It was likely none of them would talk, having implicitly understood since childhood that speaking up would have worse consequences than any authority figure could dish out. Hux was in a bad enough mood to show them all what a flawed line of thinking that was.

The only thing for it would be to look through the security footage. After giving security an earful of course. How on earth could they have missed this many brawls? Why on earth did they have security monitors and personnel to keep an eye on them if they were not going to do their jobs? Hux had half a mind to send them all to reconditioning. The security chief, a deceptively small brunette named Flax, nodded awkwardly before handing him a datapad with the requested footage.

“This was the first I heard of it General, my men reported nothing,” said Flax, she faced forward, her large, expressive eyes only betraying slight fear as she added, “I have no excuses General, it was a complete oversight on our part.”

“I want a list of the men who would have witnessed the fights,” said Hux.

“Yes General,” said Flax, visibly biting back a protest.

“Have any of your men demonstrated deviant behaviour like this in the past?” asked Hux, “Have any ever required reconditioning?”

“None,” said Flax, “If this is an infraction, it would be the first for all of them.”

“It is an infraction,” said Hux, causing Flax to flinch, “Not reporting disruptive behaviour, especially on this scale is a serious offense. Surely you know that.”

“Yes General,” conceded Flax, “My apologies.”

“If this happens again, you will be held personally responsible. Are we clear Sub-Lieutenant?”

“Yes General, I’ll see this does not happen again.”

‘ _She had better_ ,’ Hux thought to himself. He did not handle failure well, he never had. He was not going to allow any of his underlings to deliberately undermine him. Flax was going to be on thin ice for the foreseeable future. If she so much as sneezed out of turn she would be sent straight to reconditioning. Her men were not going to receive such mercy.

* * *

The first opportunity Hux had to review the footage was that evening. Upon arriving in his quarters he had hung up his coat and immediately went straight to work on the datapad. He did not like to rest until all of his work was finished. Work was work and rest was rest, mixing the two by taking breaks had always thrown off his chain of thoughts.

The first clip had been time stamped, five days ago, 0838 hours. Hux clamped a hand to his mouth when he saw the holovid unfold before him. It was a miniature, blue image of himself, standing, halted mid stride. A small hologram of Ren crept up behind him, removing his mask and hooking it into his belt. Suddenly Hux could see what Ren had been doing and his stomach turned. For a few seconds, Ren seemed to have deliberated over whether or not to touch the back of Hux’s head. He settled in painfully close and Hux watched the small Ren say something, then press his nose close to his scalp. He blanched and shuddered as he recalled the quiet snorting noise.  

He clenched his fists and kept watching. He felt he _had_ to keep watching. If he looked away he would be weak. He had to accept that this had happened, that Ren had subdued him, and he had to learn from it. He recalled the thoughts he had used to repel Ren and watched the small knight’s reactions carefully. Battlefield thoughts had little effect, as did memories of intense emotion. The most effective seemed to be loud, sudden noises. Bringing other thoughts of complex scenarios or crescendos of emotions could stall him, but startling sounds or sensations had seemed best at repelling him.

Hux watched the smaller version of Ren hold the smaller version of himself by the hip and the back of the head, staring intently. His mind went back to the visions in his mind, the sensations, the mental double vision. Hux felt heat rise to his cheeks. He was ashamed, angry, and he was not sure if those emotions were directed more at himself or at Ren.

The holovid ended and immediately the next one followed. Hyperdrive technician Famton Lecrocs walked down the hall, eyes fixed straight ahead as he continued at a leisurely pace. Hux could understand security not wanting to report Ren’s bizarre assault on him, if not for the breach in protocol he might have been grateful that it had not been brought to Flax’s attention.

Suddenly the hologram of Lecrocs was lifted off the ground, clutching his throat. Ren strode into view. Hux groaned. Of course it was Ren. This explained why the junior security officers had not wanted to get involved. None of them wanted to risk Ren’s wrath, even when faced with a serious reprimand for withholding information. They had seen the short work he made of Stormtroopers.

The Ren hologram spoke. Hux set the volume higher and listened intently.

_“Strange thoughts you’ve been having lately.”_

Dammit he had told Ren to stay out of his crew’s minds. That had been a stipulation of his being on board. The small Lecrocs hologram was slammed into a wall. He screamed, cradling his arm.

The next holovid started. It looked like Nexus, one of the new privates. Once again, Ren strode into view.

_“He’s not yours to think about!”_

Hux was startled by the outburst and pondered it as Nexus was seized and thrown off a platform. ‘He,’ so there was another party involved. It could be anyone from Darth Vader himself to that bizarre blond radar technician.

Perhaps Decuna’s assault could reveal more. The lieutenant had been in what appeared to be a bathroom. Hux checked the time and location stamp, the bathroom on the upper deck at 1400 hours yesterday. If nothing else, Ren had been busy. Now if only that ethic could have been applied to more constructive things.

Ren appeared, it was hardly a shock anymore. Lieutenant Decuna was lifted up, as Ren seized his throat and began to monologue, _“Don’t think I haven’t seen you watching.”_

That narrowed down the list of potential ‘him’s. So far Decuna, Lecroc, and Nexus, along with about a dozen others all assaulted for a perceived slight against this ‘him.’ About fifteen men and two women, seemingly selected at random from all over the ship and all connected to Ren through this mysterious individual. It would take a lengthy interview process to find someone who all of them would have known about, an acquaintance they all had in common.

Unless…oh flux…

Hux rapidly crosschecked his schedule over the past five days with the list of victims. He would have been in their vicinity roughly a few hours before each assault took place. He groaned and wondered how it had taken him this long to notice.

Hux went to the com link imbedded in the wall by his door and punched in the code to reach Kylo Ren. He heard a deep, doubly distorted voice, “Yes?”

“My quarters, _now_!” barked Hux, slamming his fist down on the disconnect button.

It took him less than a second to regret that. Ren needed to be punished for his actions, but Hux had no authority to do that. He could warn, he could advise, but ultimately any reprimand Ren would receive was up to the Supreme Leader. All Hux could do was nag, like a useless old housewife, for Ren to stop behaving like a child. He had no real power in this situation, this relationship.

And yet here he was.

* * *

“Seventeen members of my crew assaulted, injured and on sick leave. What do you have to say for yourself?” demanded Hux.

Ren stood before him in his quarters, staring at him from behind that damned mask of his. Ren’s reply was infuriatingly flippant, “Seventeen members of your crew assaulted and injured, and it took you five days to figure it out. I think you have more pressing things to worry about General.”

“I’ve seen the security footage,” Hux continued, deliberately ignoring the jab, “On whose behalf were you attacking them?”

“You have a theory,” said Ren. Hux sucked in a breath, ready to project the sound of a Star Destroyer exploding into Ren’s mind. The knight seemed to sense it coming and quickly added, “I didn’t need to read your thoughts to see that.”

“Well?” said Hux.

Ren paced. Had he been one of Hux’s men the General would have ordered him shot on sight by now. The knight gazed at the wall, possibly through it for all Hux knew, and lazily answered, “They were fantasizing about you." 

Hux could only stare. Ren, for his part, stared back, but seemed to grow suddenly discomfited under the General’s disbelieving gaze.

“It was only for a fraction of a second, and mostly subconscious, but I thought it best to take disciplinary action...”

The words had tumbled out in a strange rush and Hux resisted the urge to slap his hand over his eyes. Ren had gone patrolling around the ship and punishing anyone having ‘mostly subconscious’ lewd thoughts that involved him. He growled, “That’s not your place Ren.”

“Lord Ren, General,” corrected the knight, now stiff and haughty, “I anticipated your whim. You made it apparent how much you disliked being thought of in that way. I was doing you a favor General, you might be more grateful.”

So this was how Ren was going to punish him for his constant mental jabs.

“I disliked…” Hux began, trying to put his thoughts in order. To do that he had to think about what Ren had done. He hated recalling it, but pressed onwards, “What I _disliked_ was being held against my will and having my mind invaded.”

“So you don’t mind other people having… _thoughts_ about you, so long as you never find out,” reasoned Ren.

“Exactly,” said Hux.

“Liar,” scoffed Ren, “You mind it. Quite a bit actually. So much so that you have to scream out a preemptive rejection whenever you see me. I had no idea you were so…skittish.”

“And whose fault is that exactly?” demanded Hux, “I would be perfectly content if you hadn’t…”

“Hadn’t what?”

“You know what you did. I said my piece, you’ve been warned, consider yourself excused,” snapped Hux.

“No, tell me General, what did I do?” asked Ren, turning to look at him, “Tell me how it felt to be reminded you weren’t a lifeless drone.”

“Absolutely not,” said Hux. He was not going to play this game, he stared Ren down and curled his lip, “You wouldn’t have the nerve to speak to me that way without your silly mask.”

“You know I was told I can do whatever I want with you so long as your mind and body are intact,” Ren pointed out matter-of-factly, “I don’t need your permission. You should be grateful I take it into consideration at all.”

“Weren’t you ordered not to distract me?” said Hux dryly.

“You’re off duty.”

Hux blinked. He assumed the Supreme Leader’s order for Kylo not to distract him was a blanket one. Had he known it only applied to time spent on duty…

“Tell me how it felt to be-”

‘ ** _NO_**.’

Ren tore the mask from his face, twisted in pain and frustration, “Stop doing that!”

Hux was on him in less than a second. He didn’t spring for his blaster, he would not be able to reach it before Ren recovered. He gripped Ren’s face, just under his nose and wrenched his head backwards, simultaneously kicking behind his knees to force Ren’s legs out from under him. Ren fell over gracelessly. Hux had the opportunity to pin him while the wind was knocked from his lungs, but did not. He did not want to give Ren any opening to touch him. Instead he took Ren’s saber, the closest weapon in reach, and activated it. It was lighter than expected with all the weight in the hilt and intense heat radiating from it hit him like a slap in the face. Hux leveled the humming blade at Ren’s face.

“Out,” Hux repeated, jerking his head towards the door.  

Kylo rose to his feet. Hux meant to follow his face with the saber, but as Ren continued to rise Hux realized this was just one more link in a chain of poor decisions he had made that evening. Ren watched him with predatory amusement. He stepped gingerly beside Hux and said, “Deactivate it.”

His fingers moved, but not of their own accord. It was as if a larger hand were wrapped around his, prying at his fingers, manipulating them to obey Ren’s commands. The blade disappeared. Ren held out his hand, “Let go, that’s it.”

Hux, despite all efforts to hold on dropped the Lightsaber into Ren’s waiting hand. He attached it to his belt again, “That was rude, General. Rude boys need to be punished.”

Hux thought of several much ruder things he could have done and words he could have said. Ren must have heard them all. Slowly the cockiness faded from his face. He started getting that nervous, almost shy look on his face again. Hux felt his blood freeze. He knew what was coming. Not again-

“Don’t shout,” said Kylo warningly, “Do you know what it feels like when you do that?”

Suddenly Hux heard his own voice in his head, impossibly loud, like standing next to a hundred TIE fighters taking off. He instinctively tried to cover his ears, but his arms would not move. The sound ended as quickly as it started.

“Did you feel that? It’s not pleasant. And you’ve been doing it to me for days,” he finished. He looked Hux over, “I’ll stop bothering your crew, I’ll release you, I’ll leave, whatever you want, but you’re going to do something for me first General.”

 _I’ll_   _do_ _nothing_ , Hux told himself. He was not going to allow Ren to defeat him like this. He was not going to allow Ren to touch him again.

Kylo had retrieved the datapad and cycled back to the first clip. He set it on a loop and held it up in front of Hux’s face with that power of his before settling in by Hux’s shoulder to watch. Hux wanted to look away. He had relived it once already and had no desire to do it again. He was forced to watch Ren skulk behind him like some sort of soul sucking shadow and sniff at his hair.

“I want you to tell me how good it felt,” said Kylo, sounding slightly out of breath.

Hux felt the pressure around his jaw dissipate, “rip out your liver and force it-” His jaw froze again.

“If you do that we’ll be here all night, not that I mind,” said Ren more forcefully. He restarted the hologram, “Go on.”

Hux stared at the video. He pretended that he was not looking at himself, that he was making a report. The pressure on his jaw faded again. He sucked in an angry, seething breath then began as calmly as he could, “You stopped me in the hall. Then you pawed at me like a kriffing pervert.”

Hux’s breath involuntarily hitched as Ren rested his chin on his shoulder. He felt dark hair, softer than he expected it to be, press against his neck, “And it felt good. You _liked_ it when I touched you.”

“No I didn’t!” snapped Hux.

“You did. Like this,” said Kylo, stroking Hux’s hair lightly. Hux felt a powerful shiver run down from the top of his head to his feet and bit his cheek to keep from gasping. Kylo shivered against him, “I could feel it when you did that. Your whole nervous system lit up, like setting old linen on fire. It was incredible.”

The General wanted to clench his fists, but had to settle for grinding his teeth. Kylo whispered to him chidingly, “Admit I made you feel something, that it was good, and I’ll let go.”

Absolutely out of the question.

“Well, if you won’t…” said Kylo. Hux bit his cheek again as he felt Ren snake around his middle with arms that were almost long enough to encircle him twice over. Against his back he could feel Ren’s chest, his lungs, his heart, thrumming against him like a machine. His hands closed and opened slowly as they slid up and down his sides, massaging gently and eliciting more shivers and tingling. He continued, “We’re going to be here for a long time. I’m not leaving until you stop lying. Unless you’re lying because you _want_ me to do this, in which case I don’t mind you pretending to say no.”  

“Get off me and get out,” snapped Hux. He could not help it. He sealed his eyes shut and could only pray that someone might interrupt them.

“General…” said Kylo, becoming nervous again, “I’m…I have a certain…fondness…for you.”

The words hit Hux with the same force he reserved for crushing Resistance bases. If Ren had not been holding him up his knees would have buckled. Blood recoiled from his fingers, toes and lips. His mouth went dry. Air refused to stay in his lungs no matter how hard he tried to breathe.

“Maybe ‘fondness’ is the wrong word, you’re still infuriating, and arrogant,” said Ren quickly, “But…you…you have pretty eyes, the darkness clings to you and…I like you.”

It was the most pathetic drivel Hux had ever heard in his life and it was absolutely terrifying. He didn’t want Ren to see that thought. Who knew what the Knight of Ren would do if he overheard it? He quickly focused on engine maintenance.

“ _I like it when you do that_ ,’ it’s almost the same as ‘ _I like you’_. I know you’re too proud to go that far,” reasoned Kylo. Hux squeezed his eyes shut as Ren nuzzled against his face. He felt it again, that bloody tingling that made the hair on the back of his head stand up. He could feel Kylo grinning against his skin. His mouth, his teeth, were dangerously close to the large veins in his neck. One of his hands was dipping far too low lifting his tunic out of the way to get better access to his hip bone. Hux bit back a scream. He had not screamed since he was three years old and fell down the stairs, breaking his fingers. And all the while he could feel his body ‘lighting up’ as Ren put it, starved for touch, revelling in everything Ren did to him. Kylo pressed a hesitant kiss against his neck, “You’re an easy man to please General. You like this, just admit it.”

He couldn’t stand it anymore. Pride be damned, strength be damned, he wanted Ren off of him. He wanted to strip off his clothing, jump in the refresher and scrub his skin until it was raw, bleeding and all traces of Kylo Ren were gone. He meant to shout, angrily, violently, but it came out broken, “I li…it.”

Kylo stopped, but he did not move.

Hux snapped. He finally got command of his voice, “I like it! I said what you wanted now get off me you sick perverted _monster_!”

Ren stepped back, the datapad clattered to the floor and Hux felt his body drop. He was shaking, but stood as tall as he could, staring down Kylo Ren with every ounce of venom and contempt he could muster. Ren seemed to be trying to do the same, but the calm he projected was not enough to hide the anger and hurt that came with his bizarre courtship attempt being rejected.

He strode out of the room, smashing his palm against the control panel when he did. As soon as he left Hux’s breath quickened. He felt like his skin was burning. The scent of the knight clung to him like cobwebs. He had given in, to Kylo Ren of all people.

Hux felt like the contents of his stomach were rising in his throat. The defeat and humiliation were too much for him. Not only had this happened once, but twice. Once was random, twice was the beginnings of a pattern, one that was bound to repeat itself. And when it did repeat, what chance would he have? What could he do to stop Ren? What could he do to ensure the knight remained unprovoked?

Stumbling into the refresher he gripped the sink. His skin was paler than usual. He used shaky hands to splash water on his face. Bad idea, now his uniform was soaked. Before he was only hysteric, now he was hysteric and wet.

Hux willed himself to calm down. If this was going to become a pattern, the least effective thing to do would be to panic and let his thoughts run wild. When an assault was imminent the rational thing to do was to review reconnaissance, analyze enemy movements and strategies, and make a plan for counter attack. He had seen how Ren would operate, twice, the only thing for it was to figure out how someone without an ounce of force sensitivity could counter someone as powerful as Master of the Knights of Ren. Wonderful.

He looked down at his hands, still clutching at the sink and they seemed strange to him. They were pale, shaking, sweating, with the large blue veins standing out grotesquely along his wrists. It took some time, but eventually he stopped shaking enough to let go. He could still feel Ren against his back, and despite being able to see behind himself in the mirror he felt the need to turn around and make sure. He let out a shaky sigh.

“Stop being irrational…”

...now he was talking to himself. Perfect.

 

* * *

 

  

 **Bonus Stupidity** :

Phasma walked into her quarters. She removed her helmet, turned on the light and resisted the urge to shriek as she saw Kylo Ren, in the middle of the floor, lying on his stomach. His legs were kicking in the air lazily, and he giggled like a prepubescent girl.

“Sir?” asked Phasma.

Kylo turned on a holoviewer. An obviously edited image popped up and Ren grinned at it stupidly. It was Kylo, beside the General, with the words ‘Evil Space Boyfriends’ plastered underneath.

“So things are…well?” asked Phasma, hesitantly.

“A bit strained, but we’re working things out,” said Kylo.

“Oh good, then you’ve stopped using the Force on him,” said Phasma.

Kylo muttered, “Maybeeeeeeee…”

“Because you know that’s really rapey Sir.”

“He doesn’t mind that. He knew it was only little me~”

Phasma sat down cross legged on the floor beside Kylo, “Kid- I mean, Sir, if I may, I think it’s time someone gave you ‘the talk.’”


	3. My Grief and Tears to Smother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the lovely Countofeight as always for beta-ing and loaning me a laptop and USB stick. Sorry I keep taking your stuff...and needlessly apologizing. 
> 
> So, fun story kiddies. Once upon a holiday me and my dad both happened to slip and fall on some ice within a few days of each other, so we both got laid up with concussions. A certain character's lucid state is kind of based on that :P

There was absolutely no point in saying anything to the Supreme Leader or getting Admirals involved.

Firstly, since the First Order was still in its infancy, there were still a number of laws and regulations that needed to be officially drawn up. Breaking contract with an evil space wizard because he used mystical powers to molest someone was unfortunately one of them. Besides, so long as it was the Supreme Leader’s will that Kylo Ren be placed on his ship, Hux had a feeling that any complaints he had on the matter were null.

There was also that nagging feeling, developed in childhood and fostered by his training. Admitting to being victimized was weakness. Weakness was to be overcome, and until it could be overcome it was to be hidden. If he did confess what had happened to someone, anyone, he doubted it would bode well for him. His men wanted to follow Hux, the strategic genius, the youngest General in the First Order and Empire’s history, the master marksman, the scourge of the Resistance. Hux doubted anyone would follow Hux, the man who was held down and touched by another man against his will. Twice.

All there was for it was to push through this to victory by his own power, as he had always done. His first step had been to research techniques a non-Force sensitive could use to block mind-reading abilities. It was no good coming up with a plan if Ren could read it as plainly as if Hux had stamped it to his own forehead. In addition to his own experimentation with controlling what his surface thoughts were, he found there were other techniques. The main one, which by his own admission Hux thought might be difficult for him, was to relax and keep his head empty.

Hux disliked the idea. He liked his head, he liked thinking. He did not like when his head was empty. Sitting around for any amount of time emptying one’s head had always seemed like a waste of time. However, if he could detect someone in his mind and purge it before information could be obtained, then it would become a useful skill. It would take time, but he felt that if it were necessary, he could force himself to concentrate on nothingness for a decent amount of time, though unfortunately that would require practice. He scratched down some time in his ledger to be set aside for meditation.

His first foray into it had been disappointing. He could not go more than twenty seconds without something distracting him. Were there enough fuel cells onboard to ensure they could make it to the next port? Captain Phasma had made recommendations to the training regimens. How should he best incorporate them without causing overexertion? His shirt itched. His nose itched. Everything itched. Hux soon confirmed that sitting and doing nothing was not his strong suit.

The second stage of his plot was to study the techniques of Jedi-Hunters. He downloaded dozens of volumes to his datapad and slowly processed them chapter by chapter. As expected, Jedi-Hunting was not for the weak or faint of heart. It took training, specialized equipment and willingness to be extremely underhanded. Hux knew he had at least one of those covered already.

Which begged the question, what could he get away with doing to Ren? Nothing permanently debilitating, which left most chemical weapons in his arsenal out of the question. Of course he could not kill or do anything that would cause a long-term injury. Not without incurring the wrath of the Supreme Leader. Again, his best option was stunning Ren and retreating. The knight seemed to want to keep his infatuation to himself, which was just as well. Hux exploited this by finding excuses to linger around his colleagues whenever Ren was nearby. On top of that, he had changed his personal exercise regimen to include more hand to hand combat practice, particularly close quarters and grappling. Next time he would not go for a weapon. If Ren was going to freeze him, Hux wanted to be frozen while he had the bastard in a submission hold.

Looking up at the colossal hologram of the Supreme Leader, Hux wondered how much he knew. He knew Snoke was the one who had given Ren permission to do what he pleased. Did he know exactly what that entailed though? Did their leader know what Ren had done? What he had threatened to do? Hux wanted to say something, but he could not think of a way to phrase it without sounding weak, without admitting that Ren had overpowered him.

At any rate though, the Supreme Leader was pleased that they were back on schedule. That was what really mattered. As soon as the hologram faded, Hux painstakingly emptied his head. No hate, no anger, nothing. He’d found that imagining emptying a large water vessel with a smaller one helped him clear his mind. Slowly the large vessel would empty out, the smaller one moving smoothly, rhythmically. Perhaps it was the reason Ren was not currently invading his mind or personal space. It probably was not, but the act made Hux feel like he had some agency again.

Hux continued to hold the image in his mind as he walked out of the chamber and began the slow march down the narrow hall. Nothing but water, like his thoughts, flowing away and leaving an empty vessel. Nothing mattered. Not Ren following behind him, not the discomfort of being in a confined space with a man with anger issues who also wanted to have his way with him, not the million and one things on his ship that needed tending to. Nothing.

Until said ship suddenly turned on a forty five degree angle. That mattered. It mattered quite a bit.

The doors ahead of him, still twenty feet away suddenly slammed shut. Hux reached for his comlink, “This is General Hux. What’s going on?”

Lieutenant Mitaka replied, “A surprise attack sir! Resistance fighters were hiding in a nearby asteroid field. They targeted weapons and engines. They’re coming for another pass!”

Hux rounded on Ren, “Can you force the door?”

“So now you _want_ me to destroy your control panels…” said the knight, his modulated voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Can you do it or not!?” snapped Hux.

“Sir, we’re detecting a chemical leak on your deck. Blast doors and ventilation shafts have been sealed to stop the spread of the contamination. Do not attempt to force…oh kriff,” came Mitaka’s voice, full of agitation and anxiety. His voice came over the speakers, “All hands brace for evasive action!”

Hux dashed to an emergency panel in the wall. Inside he found magnetic brace for emergencies. His training took over and he began assembling it. If combat got rough he would rather be strapped against a wall or floor than bouncing around the inside of a hall. He glanced over at Ren. The knight was standing in the middle of the hall uselessly. Hux glowered at Ren, “What are you doing!?”

“Evasive maneuvers in ten.”

“What is that?” asked Ren.

“Nine.”

“You’ve no idea what an emergency brace is!?”

“Eight!”

“I’ve never seen one before.”

“Seven!”

It was pure training that took over. Ensure higher ranking or high profile persons within reach are secured before securing one’s self. Hux shoved Ren against a wall, something the knight must not have been expecting, given how easy it was and clamped the brace around his chest and hips. The powerful magnets ought to latch onto the wall through his ridiculous cape.

“Six!”

“What are you doing?”

“Five!”

The power source was already charged and connected. Hux began flipping switches, activating the magnets one by one. They latched onto the wall with a loud thud.

“Four!”

“You got on a ship without learning emergency procedures!?” snarled Hux.

“Three!”

“That has to be the height of stupidity!”

“Two!”

The last magnet latched itself to the wall. Hux gave the brace a sharp tug, testing its hold.

“On-”

The ship nearly turned on its side. Hux found himself thrown backwards. The last thing he saw clearly was Ren’s limbs being thrown up in the air while his body remained latched firmly to the side of the ship. Hux collided head first into the side of the hall. The ship snapped upright again, or gravity adjusted and Hux was tossed unceremoniously onto the ground.

Everything was swimming. There were two of everything. Two halls, two Rens and two voices shouting all too loudly for all hands to remain braced. That was not good. Hux got to his feet, his mind hazy and his head throbbing. He instinctively reached to touch the part of his head that hurt most and held his hand up in front of his face. His leather glove was covered in his own blood and Hux found himself oddly fascinated by the sight. He pressed his fingers together, feeling them slip over each other with ease.

What was there to do? Oh, yes, secure himself. He ought to do that. He looked over at the two emergency panels that seemed close at first but got further away when he squinted.

“General?!”

“Oh, right, you’re here,” said Hux, stumbling so he could face Ren.

Then he was flying. No, being dragged, like there was a rope attached to his waist. His boots made a strange squeak as they skidded on the ground. He felt iron bands wrapping around his body. No, wait, those were Ren’s arms. An easy enough mistake to make.

“Are you molesting me?” asked Hux, more confused than offended.

“General!” someone else shouted in his ear.

Hux squirmed and got his arm free to use his comlink, “Yes?”

“The Resistance pilots have taken out most of our mounted cannons. TIE fighters have been deployed, but they’re having difficulty against the Resistance X-Wings. There’s no other way to say it sir, they have one hell of a pilot on their side.”

“Oh yes, what’s his name,” said Hux, sounding almost giddy, “Well he won’t get far today will he? Lieutenant, give me a live feed. I’m going to override control of the main canons, I’ll shoot them down myself.”

“Sir!?” said Mitaka incredulously.

“I’m the General, I’ll do what I like, and what I like is killing Resistance scum,” said Hux in an uncharacteristic singsong tone, holding up his datapad. The world made exploding noises and lurched again, but some invisible force held the datapad in place. What was it called again? Oh, right, The Force. How silly of him to forget. He punched in the override codes. They were surprisingly easy to remember. He could not have remembered his father’s name if it was asked, but codes, protocol and instincts, the important constant things in his life were all there to be drawn upon.

The feed activated, projecting out screens surveying enemy and ally positions as well as showing which canons were still operational. Only four. Damn. For a force of thirty…or was it fifteen…ships the Resistance was obliterating them. One of them, at least, must have been one hell of a pilot. Three more screens popped up. A fourth flickered out almost immediately, they had lost another canon.

“What was it you said to me before, Ren? Rude…” seethed Hux as he pressed the controls lightly, playfully, locking onto two…no, one…one target, and gunning it down.

“Boys…” he nearly sang, locking onto targets. Focusing on them helped correct his double vision. He watched the numbers and target fields carefully, all the while keeping the overall battlefield in the back of his hazy mind.

“Need…” Another Resistance fighters shot down.

“To…” Another.

“Be…” Another.

“Punished…” A final kill.

Mitaka’s voice rang in his ear, “Sir, we’ve lost four tie fighters. Over half of the Resistance fighters are destroyed. Another three damaged.”

“Yes, I can see that lieutenant, I have a very pretty screen that shows me everything.”

“…Sir? Are you alright? What’s your status?”

“I have killed five individuals and I am locked in a passionate embrace with the wall.”

Ren let go of his death grip on Hux’s middle and snatched the comlink from his ear, “General Hux has been injured! We need a medical team!”

“Ren? When the bloody hell did you get here?” demanded Hux.

“M-medical can’t be sent until the toxins are flushed out,” was Mitaka’s hesitant reply.

“Send them anyways!” Ren snapped, “He’s bleeding out!”

“It’s just a little red, it washes out,” said Hux, shushing Ren. He felt drowsy and Ren’s scarf was surprisingly plush. He wanted to sleep, if only for a moment.

“S-stay calm Lord Ren…Where is he bleeding from?”

“He hit his head!”

“Oh…I have a concussion…that explains a lot…” said Hux, settling into Ren’s chest and closing his eyes.

“He had a concussion and still hit…never-mind. No matter what happens, do not allow him to fall asleep. Let him lie on the ground and rest. If he starts vomiting, make sure that he lies on his side.”

Hux felt himself being picked up. He was getting very tired of the world spinning and he hoped it would stop soon. His head throbbed and the lights hurt, so he threw an arm up over his eyes. When did the lights get on top of him? Were the lights molesting him too? He heard something being cut up with a lightsaber. Ren must have been having a tantrum again. Flux.

“He’s on the ground. Now what!?”

“You’ll find a medkit in the emergency panel. There should be cooling packs and gauze. Use the gauze to staunch the bleeding and keep his head cool to ease the pain. If the area on his head feels unstable or like it’s caving in, let go immediately and don’t touch it again.”

Something pressed against the back of his head and Hux groaned. Why wouldn’t everyone just let him sleep?

“Now what!?” Ren screamed again.

“I-If he’s able have him swallow a painkiller. They’re in the green bottle.”

Hux felt his mouth being pried open and he flailed his arms as his jaw was slammed shut and his nose was plugged. He swallowed instinctively and something went down his throat.

“Now what!?” Ren screamed, even more loudly and obnoxiously.

“M-make sure he stays awake. Monitor his status…Medical will arrive as soon as p-possible.”

“That’s not good enough!” seethed Ren, “He’s still bleeding out! Th-there’s blood everywhere!”

“It’s just a bit of red…” repeated Hux, feeling the back of his uniform absorb his blood, “Head wounds bleed a lot. I read it once. If you read more you might learn things as well. Like emergency protocol.”

“Hux…General, don’t die like this. Kriff…th-there’s so much blood…it won’t stop…” stammered Ren. His voice sounded different. Was his mask off? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. It did not matter.

“I’ll die when I bloody well feel like it!” snapped Hux, swatting at Ren’s face. It was a short-lived attack. When the light shone in his face he quickly covered his eyes again, “I’ve half a mind to do it just to spite you. And stop molesting me!”

“If I move my hand you’ll bleed more!” snapped Ren.

“Fine then!” said Hux, trying to roll away. Ren held him in place. Whether it was with the invisible force or his hands, Hux had no idea. What was the invisible force called again? Oh, right, Steve. Light Steve and Dark Steve. Steve held the universe together.

“I’m…I’m sorry, alright?” said Kylo hurriedly, “I’m sorry I didn’t stop. I said it…you’re not allowed to die now. I said what you wanted, so you can’t die. I won’t allow it. W-why won’t it stop bleeding…?”

“I’m not dying!” exclaimed Hux, completely exasperated and becoming increasingly light-headed, “I make other people die, that’s what I do! I am General Hux, destroyer of worlds and also a molestation victim but I’m trying to kill you so it won’t count anymore.”

“You’re…you’re completely delirious,” said Ren.

“I’m not delicious. Listen, that is sexual harassment and I don’t have to take it,” countered Hux.

Ren paused for a moment and whispered, “Just in case, I need to tell you…General…I…I love you.”

Hux grinned and reached up to pat the side of Ren’s face, mask…thing, “Oh Ren…I love me too.”

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

“Sir?”

Ren froze.  The comlink was still activated.

“Um…Lord Ren…”

Ren focused on Lieutenant Mitaka and waved his hand, “You didn’t hear me say I love the General.”

“I…didn’t hear you say you love the General.”

“I said I Iove…Juice.”

“You said you love juice.”

Great, thought Ren, now I want juice. As an afterthought he added, “You will get me some juice…and maybe some Dark Side cookies to go with it.”


	4. And I'll Make the Vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting early because I'm coming off of the flu and my lovely beta Countofeight got back to me super quick as a get well present.
> 
> Fun fact: Side-effects of concussions can include vomiting, sensitivity to light, hindered fine motor skill and bartering away your autonomy to a sociopathic man-child. Or maybe that last one was just Hux...

Hux came to in the medical bay. His memory was a haze. He could clearly remember fitting fitting the brace across Ren’s chest, then freefall, then pain. There was fighting after that, he remembered, but the details blurred in his mind when he reached for them, except for a group of sequential numbers. Targeting numbers? Why would he have seen…? Things must have turned out well, in any case. His surroundings were recognizable, if not intimately familiar. He didn’t make a point of frequenting Medical, but he knew the look of it well enough. His head ached and he winced. There had been shouting too, hadn’t there? Someone had been shouting at him...

He might be able to trigger his memory back to full functionality if he saw his datapad. He also needed to see how much damage the ship had taken. He recalled something about a chemical leak. That was right, that was why he had been stuck in the hallway with Ren. He went to fish his datapad out of his pocket when he saw an IV needle embedded in the back of his left hand. Turning he saw a nearly empty drip bag beside a fully drained bloodbag. How long had he been asleep? How much had he bled out? Hux tore the medical tape and needle from his hand before retrieving his datapad.

When he turned it on he winced in pain. Why was the screen so bright? He squinted at it through his fingers as he tried to figure out the details of the attack. He grunted at the pain in his eyes as he scanned over the damage repots. The cannons, engines and the cargo bay containing some chemicals had taken the bulk of the fire. It was not normal X-Wing fire. They probably used charges or bombs of some sort to blanket entire areas of the ship. He also noticed…an override command? From who? From…himself? After landing with his full weight on his head!? And nobody had tried to stop him!? It had thankfully turned out well but there was an equal chance Hux could have endangered everone on board with a stupid decision made in a state of delirium.

He heard someone say, ‘The General’s awake.’ A nurse, probably. A doctor instantly pulled back one of the curtains. Taryn, if Hux recalled correctly. The doctor snatched the device from Hux’s hands and set it aside before giving Hux a stern look, “Finished torturing yourself General?”

“I wasn’t quite finished, no,” replied Hux dryly.

The doctor sighed over the top of his own datapad, “Open skull fracture, a two inch gash on the back of your head, massive concussion, but no permanent brain damage, we can be thankful for that.”

“How long will I be confined to quarters?” asked Hux.

“A day in med-bay for monitoring, two weeks confined to quarters,” replied Doctor Taryn.

“One week maximum, you’ll find,” corrected Hux.

“And no screens. The lights will be aggravating and cause migraines,” said the Doctor.

“Limited use of screens I think,” Hux corrected again, “How long was I out?”

“Long enough for Kylo Ren to assault half my staff,” said the Doctor. He gave Hux a stern glare, “You may be General, but you’re no doctor. Two weeks, no heavy activity, no screens. Not if you want to get back to full health quickly without risking a relapse.”

He turned before Hux could counter. He laid back against the nearly paper thin, regulation pillows. How was he going to command the ship in this state? Who would be the best individuals to delegate tasks to? How was he going to keep his sanity while spending two weeks doing nothing productive? He felt like throwing up again. One week. He was determined to cut it down to one week at the longest. At the very least though it would mean one week without Kylo-

Ren tore the curtain back.

Damn.

“What do you remember?” the knight demanded.

“Very little,” he admitted, allowing his mouth to twist slightly in distaste. Having holes in his memory was bad enough without Kylo Ren being privy to that knowledge as well. He didn’t want him to go looking for exactly how much he recalled...

“You secured me first,” said Kylo, “Why?”

“Protocol,” spat Hux automatically.

Ren, surprisingly, accepted the answer. Was he inside his head? Hux began the process of trying to relax and empty his aching mind. It hurt. A lot. Fuck it…

Hux covered his eyes, “Computer, lights ten percent.”

As the lights dimmed he hoped Ren would take that as his cue to leave. There was nothing for him here. There would be medical staff rushing around, only a curtain keeping them out of earshot. If Ren wanted to avoid being caught he would leave immediately without trying anything.

“I can help. There are healing arts,” offered Ren.

Hux peeked out through his fingers. In a hushed voice he whispered, “If this is an excuse to paw at my head again…”

“It isn’t.”

“I think they already repaired the tissue and closed the fracture, all that’s left is recovery,” said Hux, “I don’t need your assistance.”

“Do you really want two weeks of bed rest?”

No, he did not, but he wanted in nearly equal measure for Ren’s hands to be kept far away from him. He retreated back behind the screen of his clammy fingers, unwilling to make the decision.  

“You helped me. I don’t like to be in anyone’s debt. Let me help,” insisted Ren.

Hux peeked at him again warily, “Is there any way I can trust that’s your only motive?”

“Even if I wanted…” Kylo trailed off, “You’re hurt. I’d just hurt you more.”

‘ _Why stop hurting me now?_ ’ Hux thought to himself. Tension rippled over Ren, his black-clad fists clenching tightly. Wrong thing to think, Hux guessed. On the bright side, it meant that Ren likely had no intention of trying to be intimate. However, there was a chance he might use this as leverage, or create some sort of delusion that this would be an invitation to do more at a later time.

Two weeks was a long time to be laid up, though. The ship was likely in relative chaos after the attack. If he wanted to get the Finalizer on track again, he would not be able to do it from his bed with only a comlink and no visuals.

Hux sighed, “How should I position myself?”

“On your side,” said Ren, approaching, looming over him like a long black shadow, “I can’t do much, but I should be able to cut a few days off of your recovery time.”

Hux painstakingly shifted onto his side. His head pounded as he did so. Normally sleeping on his side was the most comfortable position, but now it felt excruciating. Instinct told him to turn onto his back again. Hux quickly suppressed it and gripped the stiff, crinkling sheet beneath him.

“Try to hold still,” said Ren. His mask was still on, but Hux could feel that he had removed his gloves. He willed himself not to flinch as Ren parted his hair to have a look at the freshly sealed wound. His back shivered again. Not as intensely as before, but it happened nonetheless. He recalled that it would sometimes happen in childhood when a person, rather than a droid, helped him comb his hair or ran a hand down his back. He had enjoyed the feeling though he had never sought it out or paid it much mind. It never hurt him so he had never thought to ask a doctor about it. He likely never would.

A gentle coolness spread over the back of his scalp. Hux closed his eyes and sighed, his body relaxing instantly. His mind did the opposite. What was Ren doing? This was a bad idea. Would Ren do something to his brain? This was an awful idea. Would Ren knock him out and have his way with his unconscious body? This was the worst idea he had ever had in the entirety of his admittedly short command and now…

“That’s all I can do,” said Ren, snapping Hux from his spiral. He paused before adding, “Do you know anything about the dark side of the Force, General?”

“No,” said Hux, blinking as he realized that Ren had been true to his word. He had never had any time for bedtime stories about half-dead religions. In retrospect, he ought to have taken those children’s tales of light and darkness more seriously.

“The Jedi encourage order, they stifle emotion, the dark side revels in it. Our power thrives on emotion, our own and those around us,” Ren continued to explain. It made perfect sense to Hux. Ren, as long as Hux had known him, was ruled by his emotions. He gave into them as they came, openly expressing anger and frustration, whatever he happened to be feeling. Jedi training, when it existed, must have been horribly stifling. No wonder Ren had given himself to the dark side. The elaboration continued, “While certain emotions, hate, anger, love, anything intense can make us more powerful, others like hesitance or frustration can cloud our vision and make it more difficult to manipulate the Force.”

Hux turned, “Again, how is this relevant? What do you want?”

“You know what I want, but we seem to be at an impasse,” said Ren, “Hate fuels my powers, but frustration can be a hindrance. If I continue to be frustrated without release or relief, it may affect my abilities.”

 _‘I’m not letting you fuck me just so you can use the Force,_ ’ Hux thought to himself, perhaps a little too loudly, judging from the way Ren stiffened slightly. The knight sat beside the bed, a place that in normal situations might be occupied by a friend or family member. Somehow it figured that it would be Ren there. The universe clearly hated him, why should it start giving Hux a reprieve now?

“I couldn’t even sense that attack, I couldn’t stop you from falling. I was too unfocused,” said Ren more gravely, “If my mind had been less clouded it might have been preventable.”

“Ren,” said Hux, glowering across at him, “You’ve used the Force on me, you assaulted my crew when I fought back, and now you’re telling me that if I don’t give in I’ll be putting the ship in danger. Dark side or no, there must be some part of you that realizes that’s completely inappropriate.”

Ren pulled off his mask and Hux instinctively pulled back. The knight stopped, watching him carefully, considering his next move. Hux in turn watched Ren’s pale hand, wishing he was armed with something, anything, if only for some peace of mind.

Hux continued, “Ren, I have no interest in what you’re offering. You should leave.”

“Then how am I supposed to fix this?”

“That’s your concern, not mine.”

“You understand what it means for both of us if I can’t fix this,” said Ren, “Your position, your command…if you distract me like this you might be transferred.”

“Stop threatening me,” said Hux in a low voice.

“I’m not!” snapped Ren, and the curtains and equipment surrounding them rattled with the sudden force of his ire. He lowered his voice, “I’m not interested in threatening you. It’s meaningless if I threaten you.”

“Finally, something we agree on,” said Hux sourly.

Ren clenched his fists. Hux had always thought the most frightening monsters in the galaxies were the mindless ones with fangs and claws that needed to be hunted and killed. He thought of the Resistance in the same way. Ren was making him rethink that. Ren was not some crazed beast, though he could act like one. There was a strange pseudo-logic in his head that made him think everything he was doing was somehow acceptable. It was like he was a child trapped in a man’s body. Entitled, persistent, obsessed with getting his way without regard for anyone around him.

Ren was an entirely new breed of monster. One that that Hux was increasingly unsure of his ability to handle.

Hux could appreciate a preoccupation with power, believing as he did that it was his destiny to rule and conquer, but he understood that there were lines, regulations, barriers. There had to be order. There had to be discipline. There had to be some marginal degree of respect. Ren could not see that though. Ren saw what he wanted and pursued it relentlessly, everything else be damned. He might overthrow the whole operation on a silly whim and then be put out when others had the gall to be furious with him.

Despite all that though, the knight had an unsettlingly valid point. If it turned out his presence was too much of a distraction for Ren, it was obvious which of them would be transferred. Hux was confident that his abilities were the best the First Order had to offer, but he could not compete with Ren’s power. A General, even a talented one, was easier to replace than an apprentice. If the Supreme Leader deemed it necessary, Ren was right, Hux could lose command of the Finalizer.

“I don’t want that,” said Ren, his voice urgent and hushed, “I don’t want you to be sent away, but I can’t stop wanting you either.”

“Is this really the time or place?” asked Hux, covering his eyes again and wishing Ren would dissolve away into the shadows. Even at ten percent the light was bothering him.

“Hold on,” said Ren. He rose from his seat, silent as the grave and disappeared behind the curtain.

Hux sighed as Ren got up. Suddenly he bolted up, causing his head to throb painfully. He heard shouting, a Lightsaber activating, more shouting, something being destroyed, then silence. Ren skulked back into the room and sat down again. Hux glared at him.

“I would love for you to stop doing that,” grumbled Hux.

“I wanted to make sure we had privacy. And one of the nurses was thinking about your…never mind, it’s not important,” said Ren. Hux felt his blood run cold again. He did not want to be alone with Kylo Ren. There would be nobody there to deter or stop him. Ren kept his eyes fixed on the floor, “Why can’t you just say yes? I know you’re nervous. I’m also…I promise I’ll be gentle, if it’ll make you feel better.”

Pain was not the issue. The issue was that if the Supreme Leader felt Hux was too distracting for Ren, he could lose his command. He would be transferred. It was not as if there were multiple openings for Generals available. A transfer would also carry the hefty chance that he might be demoted.

On top of that was his current situation. He could not allow Ren to destroy more equipment on an already heavily damaged ship. He could not have Ren attacking personnel in fits of vengeful jealousy when they desperately needed to pull together to repair the ship and keep on course. He could not hole up in his quarters, trying to recover, with Ren prowling outside, waiting for Hux to get well enough for his taste. If Ren could be made more peaceable, more cooperative, at least while the Finalizer was in a state of disarray, it would be to everyone’s advantage.

But then, there was also Hux’s pride.

Hux had never backed down from a challenger. If a subordinate tried to undermine him, Hux had them eliminated. If a superior looked down on him, Hux not only proved them wrong, he surpassed them. He had been studying ceaselessly, coming up with plans to protect himself. Now he was going to give up? He was going to submit to Kylo fucking Ren? Hux had not clawed his way up the chain of command to become somebody’s plaything. What sort of message would it send if this became common knowledge? ‘General Hux slept with the Supreme Leader’s apprentice in exchange for his commission.’ That was exactly how this would look if word got out.

If. That was a ‘what if’ scenario. It had not happened, it was not about to happen. However, if Ren could not be reasoned with, there were a thousand very pressing, very real things that could go wrong within the next few hours. To keep the current situation from becoming even more aggravated than it was, Ren needed to be pacified.

 _‘I don’t want this,’_ Hux could not help thinking. Seeing Ren look at him, his gaze somewhere between that of a lovesick schoolboy and a ravenous monster, Hux kept the thought quiet, burying it under assumptions of what incoming reports were going to contain. He could not help the shame and apprehension though. He did not want this. He did not want Ren’s hands on him again. But if he said no…

“I’ll be gentle,” Ren repeated, more insistently, “Not now of course…you’re too hurt for that. I can give you time before…we…you know…all the way…”

“Have sex,” said Hux bluntly.

Ren shrank back.

“Sex,” Hux repeated. Ren actually blushed. Hux rolled his eyes and regretted it instantly. It hurt his head, “You’re a grown man, start talking like it.”

Kylo Ren, now a ludicrous shade of pink, accented by his black clothing, nodded submissively. Hux rubbed his forehead, an act that gave him a small amount of relief. His mouth was dry, both from waking up after being knocked out and the awful thing he was about to say. He did not want to say it. He did not want to do it. He knew the benefit was worth the pain and resisting was only going to make things worse. Still…

“General, do you have a first name?” asked Kylo, “Or, just, something I can call you?”

“I don’t have a given name. I use my first serial number,” replied Hux, “My full name as far as documentation is concerned is CO-1413 Hux.”

“CO?” asked Kylo, his brow furrowing.

“Commandant’s Own. The numbers and their order represent physical traits. Roughly translated, my name is Commandant’s-Own-Male-Fair-Skin-Red-Hair-Blue-Eyes,” explained Hux. He babbled, saying anything but the thing he was dreading.

“Just Hux then…” mumbled Ren, testing the name for himself.

The silence that followed was painful. The tension was thick. This was it, the point of no return. Hux knew this was the lesser of two evils. He knew it. It was just saying it out loud. The quiet around them was awful. What Hux would have given to have alarms ringing and guns firing at that moment.

“What…is it exactly you want to do to me?” asked Hux slowly.

Kylo Ren turned pink again, “There’s…lots of things…”

Hux could not contain his anger. It came leaking out in the form of sarcasm, “Submit a list for approval then.”

Kylo leaned over, his hand on the bed near Hux’s. Hux retracted his hand and moved away, as if distance could protect him now, “You mean…you will?”

“I didn’t say that,” said Hux, using all the restraint he could muster to keep his voice from quavering, “This…arrangement of yours…I’ll accept it if you agree to follow certain stipulations.”

Ren seemed stunned by this. He probably thought his demand was perfectly reasonable, “Like what?”

“You are not to use your powers on me,” demanded Hux, “You will not freeze me or enter my mind or project your thoughts into my head. Second, you will not touch me without asking permission first. Third, if I refuse, or demand you stop, you will cease and desist immediately. Finally if your behaviour on my ship does not improve, or you break any of the previous stipulations, the deal will be voided. Have I made myself clear?”

Furrowing his brow, Kylo regarded him suspiciously, “Sounds like you’re fixing it so you can say no to everything. We might as well be back to square one.”

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. He did not want to compromise on any of those points. Kylo watched him, not locking eyes, but still stalking his movements, leaning forward enough that Hux felt compelled to press backwards again. Kylo continued, “You’ll let me…touch you, hold you, maybe kiss you, at least once every daily cycle. As a sign that you’re not backing out.”

Kylo was uncomfortably close now, practically sitting on the bed next to him. Hux could feel desire spilling off of Ren. Not as intensely as when he had invaded his mind, but the pressure and the emotion it stemmed from was undeniable. Of all the places to do this it just had to be on a bed…

The knight spoke softly, “I’ll follow your rules, but I need to know you’ll hold up your end of the deal.”

He trailed off and Hux forced his breathing to remain even. He followed the invisible line from Kylo’s eyes to his own exposed throat and collarbone. He raised a hand to cover himself and fumble with the clasps on his tunic. Hoping to bargain he blurted out, “Once a monthly cycle.”

“Too long.”

“Weekly.”

“Still too long.”

“…six days.”

“Two.”

“Five.”

“Two and a half.”

“Four.”

“Three. Final offer, General.”

Hux was going to refuse, but trailed off. His fingers were slick with sweat, trembling despite his best efforts. Ren was inches from his face now, watching his disobedient fingers and faltering chest with rapt fascination. Hux closed his eyes, not wanting to look at the man anymore. He hated the way Ren looked at him, like he was a plaything to be enjoyed at his leisure.

“Three it is,” said Ren at last. He remained in his place, Hux could feel that he had not moved since he had closed his eyes, but he could not help imagining that Ren was somehow closer than before, that the other man was on top of him, teeth close to his throat. He certainly sounded close when he said, “I’ll wait until the doctor discharges you. I don’t want to hurt you Hux. Don’t be scared. It’ll feel so good you’ll wonder why you were worried at all.”

Hux’s eyes snapped open when he detected movement, but Kylo was pulling back, hesitating at the edge of the bed as though deliberating whether he should get up or not. He looked in every direction but at Hux, “Do you want help? You’re shaking a lot.”

“No,” said Hux coldly. He clenched the sheets in his fist. It was done, it was final. Every three days he would submit himself for Ren to do as he pleased. He tried to focus on the positive. Ren had agreed to curb his behaviour. Ren had not demanded sex immediately, he was willing to wait. Perhaps he would get bored before it ever came to that. Hux tried to focus on that, but all he could think of was the dread of having to face Ren and allow the knight to play with him as if he were some overgrown doll.

“Hux, I’m…I’m sorry I didn’t catch you. I let them hurt you,” said Ren, squeezing the end of the bed, “I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you like that again.”

“Leave me alone Ren,” said Hux quietly, his legs curling upwards towards his chest as he continued to fumble with the clasps. Why wasn’t it connecting? It had to be the lights. Everything was blurred and out of focus. No, perhaps it was his head, though there was no permanent damage the blow might temporarily inhibit his motor skills. Hux suspected he would have to undergo a cranial nerve exam before he was let off. He felt sick. Damned vision. Damned fingers. Damned Ren.

“I promise,” said Ren softly, simpering, pathetic. He got to his feet, awkwardly looking down, “Is there anything you want? Water? Blankets?”

“I want to be alone,” Hux repeated, unable to hide his anger. Not one standard month ago he would have loved to hear Ren say something so civil and cooperative. Had he known how dearly it would cost him, he never would have let the thought cross his mind. He had just bartered his self-respect and body away for a little peace of mind. He regretted it, but there was no backing out now. This was the bed he had made himself, and he would lie in it, with Kylo Ren beside him if necessary.

“Alright,” said Ren. He was hesitating. The desire he was exuding was so thick Hux was worried he might choke on it. No, perhaps being asphyxiated would not be so unwelcome at this point. Ren looked up briefly, embarrassed, ashamed, and then fitted his mask to his face.

As soon as he was gone Hux reached for the waste bin beside the bed. He thought of Ren’s hands on him, Ren’s lips on him. He thought of the fact that he would now have to relive that torture every three days for the foreseeable future. His body could not take the pressure. Added to the stress of his ship once again being reduced to a wreck, it was too much.

For the first time in years Hux succumbed to mental and physical exhaustion. As he heard a door scraping against a once pristine floor as Kylo Ren forced it open, Hux threw up into the waste bin.

 

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

Ren pulled the curtain back, “Hux! I’ve come to ravish-”

Hux heaved wetly into the bin.

Ren paused and slowly replaced the curtain, “Uh…I can see you’re busy, so, I’ll just come back for that later…”

Hux glared at him from over the top of his puke bucket, “What’s wrong Ren? Aren’t you going to ravish me? Give us a big wet kiss you insufferable twat.”

“Um, no thank you.”

“What was it you wanted? Oh yes, once a daily cycle,” said Hux, baring his teeth, “Well, come on then Ren. I’m fairly certain I’ve spat out all the chunks. Shouldn’t be any nasty surprises left.”

“Oh, uh, wow Hux, my Master is calling me. Imagine that. Bye!”

Ren ran out of the room and Hux contemplated the contents of his bucket, wondering how often he could ‘catch a stomach virus’ before Ren got wise to his scheme.


	5. And if you don't like me (then leave me alone)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies to The Carpenters for associating their song 'Top of the World' with my squick fic. ...I'm really, really sorry? Please don't sue me? 
> 
> Thanks to Countofeight as always, and all the awesome commenters last time. To be honest I was really worried of what people would think of the premise I'm writing about, but I feel a bit more confident now. 
> 
> Thank you for boosting my self-esteem. I feel better about ruining Hux's life now.

Bedrest was murder. It had been pleasant for the first hour. Hux had slept in, taken a little more time to wash than usual, relaxed, and taken his prescribed medication, before horrible boredom had set in.

Doctor Taryn had been right, the light that was projected from a screen or hologram still caused his head to instantly start pounding. Regular lights, if dimmed, did not bother him. Hux sighed and lay back in bed. He had books, but he had read them all, even memorized them. He mostly kept them for appearance sake. Even now, when he could control all the functions of a Star Destroyer from a device that fit in the palm of his hand, others tended to think of people with books on their desks as more intellectual and hardworking.

Giving in, he flipped through one of them, bored out of his mind, and then set it aside again. Looking at the print bothered his eyes. Hux looked about for something to focus his mind on. He could take another shower, or polish his boots again. He could not take a walk. It was all he could manage to get from one room to another without feeling dizzy or faint. It was not surprising, given that the results of his cranial nerve exam were less than stellar. The General had nearly screamed in pain when the doctor shone a light in his eyes to have a look at them. Hux sighed. He knew there was no chance he would allow himself to mix alcohol with the various medications already in his bloodstream, but the thought was certainly a tempting one.  

It was almost inevitable that he thought back to Ren-- Kylo-- that awful man, kissing him. This was the situation he had placed himself in and he had to be prepared to handle the consequences. Ren would be back. He would make his request and Hux would approve it or face Ren’s temper. He was worried though. What if Ren requested something he was not prepared for, or made his stomach churn? If he refused, there was the horrifying question of how Ren would react.

Hux nearly jumped as a tone rang out from the control panel on the wall. Craving something, anything to do, he responded. It took some doing, but he finally managed to stumble across the room, “This is General Hux, go ahead.”

“It’s me.”

Hux blanched and fought to recover quickly. It was Ren. Of course it was Ren.

“Yes,” said Hux, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m outside. Open the door.”

Hux started. Right outside? Normally there was more warning; stomping, a Lightsaber gliding through metal, or shouting. What was more, Ren was actually asking him to open the door. Not prying it open with his power, not slicing through it, he was asking. Almost nicely. He could feel his palms sweating. He knew what he would have to do.

Should he test Ren? Should he say no just to see what would happen? If he answered the door it was almost certain to end in awkward, unwanted touching. If he did not, he risked having to have another door replaced, and they were almost certainly running out of spare parts to do so. Not to mention what Ren might do when he was angry. He was within his rights to refuse, at least for another day. Did he really want to try the knight’s patience?

“I’m tired. It’s not a good time,” said Hux.

“When will you feel better?”

And Hux thought he was the nagging one of the pair. He glowered at the control panel, “Not today.”

“I could take care of you.”

“If I need assistance I’ll contact the medical-”

“I want to do it. You don’t need to call medical. Open the door Hux.”

Hux gritted his teeth. So much for having a choice in the matter. Ren sounded intense, pleading, nearly desperate. It was clear that the other man intended to end the exchange on this side of the door regardless of Hux’s inclination, which, as far as he could see, left him with two choices that were not really choices at all. Hux weighed his options. In the worst case scenario if he let Ren in he might have to explain a few intimate bruises to medical. If he denied Ren, he would have to have a door replaced, and almost certainly wind up back in the medical bay. Hux closed his eyes. It was just a few kisses, if Ren was true to his word there would be no pain, no inappropriate use of his power, and he would stop if prompted to. Hux needed time to recover, and if a few kisses were all it took to get sufficient time away from Kylo Ren, so be it. He opened the door.

Ren entered. He removed the mask, and was instantly startled by the sight of Hux, hair uncombed, wearing fatigues, with no coat or uniform to hide his slim frame. Feeling exposed Hux crossed his arm and haughtily repeated, “Yes?”

Kylo was on him in an instant, wrapping his large arms around him and pulling him against his chest. Hux kicked him in the shin and likely earned a bruised foot for his trouble. Kylo pulled back before Hux’s palm could connect with his jaw. His eyes widened, “What are you doing!?”

“What am I- What are _you_ doing!?” Hux snapped back.

“It’s called a hug,” protested Kylo.

“It’s halfway to being a death grip is what it is,” seethed the General.

“I…I uh…I made you a list,” said Kylo, holding up a crumpled piece of paper. Hux was surprised that Kylo not only found paper, but had remembered that screens would aggravate his condition.

Hux sighed, “That was a joke. You understand facetiousness don’t you?”

“I thought you might feel better if you had something in writing. And maybe if you had a look at what I want, you could figure out what you’re comfortable with me doing to you,” explained Ren.

Hux sighed again and rubbed his eyes. Bad idea; that had hurt. Ren’s idea on the other hand was not an entirely without merit. Coming to an agreement, having a written contract, deciding on limitations before anything happened, it was a good thing, Hux tried to convince himself. He would have a say in how far Ren could go, in what he was and was not permitted to do. More than that, Ren was actually volunteering to have limitations put on him. Hux muttered words he instinctively said when he had someone in his room, “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water,” said Kylo. Just as well. It was probably not a good strategic move to give liquor to a man who might lose his temper and...

There was a small preserver unit in Hux’s quarters, enough to hold refreshments if he was entertaining high-ranking officers. He mostly kept spirits and water in it. He used to keep some food, but he would forget about it, or have no time to eat it, and it would spoil. Hux poured out a couple of glasses and turned to see Kylo, sitting in a chair, fingers awkwardly lacing together. Hux recalled the last time Kylo had been in his room, holding him in place and forcing him to re-watch the first time he had been assaulted. Hux ground his teeth, it had been humiliating, and Kylo, with his strange, stunted world view, had not realized what an awful thing it was that he had done.

Hux set the water down delicately, having been trained to uphold decorum, even in private. He took a seat opposite Kylo and snatched the list from off of the table, grateful to be sitting down before he had another fainting spell. He had not even looked at the paper and Kylo was already blushing.

“We don’t have to do it right now,” he murmured.

“Have sex,” Hux corrected, “Not ‘do it.’ You’re not twelve. Have you got anything to write with?”

Kylo passed him a long piece of soft, sharpened lead, “Why?”

“I have a feeling I’m going to have to make notes…” muttered Hux as he began to read. He swore to himself that he was not going to blush like some silly child coming across these terms for the first time.

He did anyways. At the first damned line…

“‘ _I want to undress you with my_ …’” Hux read out loud. His blue-green eyes flicked up at Kylo, “Exactly when did you think _this_ was going to happen?”

“Not right away…not all at once,” said Kylo awkwardly, “It’s a bit out of order.”

Hux groaned and continued. He did not bother with reading out loud again, it would be too painful for both of them. Some of it seemed nearly tolerable. Kissing, holding and petting, smaller signs of affection that Hux felt he could suppress his outrage long enough for Kylo to get them over with. Then there was everything else, a horrible litany of perverted acts if Hux ever saw one. It read like the ‘menu’ outside a brothel. There was also a plethora of words Hux simply did not understand, so he marked them as negative to be safe.

He went through so many lists as part of his work that it took a while for Hux to remember he was not just looking at a list of ridiculous sex acts and casually marking off his opinion on them. It was a list of sex acts that Kylo Ren wanted to perform on _him_. He felt his mouth go dry again as he looked through it again in that context. Ren wanted to strip him. Ren wanted to have sex with him while he had nothing but his gloves on. Ren wanted to bend him over a desk. Ren wanted to tie him to a bed. Ren wanted to take him against a wall. Ren wanted to leave marks on his neck. Then there were all of the things Hux had never heard of before. What the hell was rimming? Was intercrural even a real word?

Hux made small marks beside the few that seemed relatively harmless, “These seem almost reasonable.”

“Are you a virgin Hux?” asked Kylo, staring at the table and pretending to be fascinated by it.

“I am, what of it?” replied the General sharply. It was not the first time he had been asked and he had long since stopped caring if he was looked down upon for it. “You know, people usually don’t ask each other that sort of question.”

Kylo smiled softly to himself, “I kind of figured you might be, since you were so nervous and a bit slow on the uptake.”

“Is there a point to this or do you expect me to give you some sort of prize for making that deduction?” demanded Hux.

“The thing is…I’m not,” said Kylo quietly, ignoring the comment, “So I know the first time is…frightening, and awkward, but you don’t need to be afraid of me. I know you’ll probably be nervous no matter what I say, but…I want you to know I’ll be very, very gentle…no pain, just pleasure…”

Typical drivel. Typical, horrifying drivel.

“You’re not into me, I get it,” said Kylo dejectedly, “Most people aren’t when they get a good look at me. If…if it’s that…I’m better for you than anyone on this ship. They can’t…the way I can…”

Hux haughtily retorted, “Don’t go and start thinking you’re somehow special because I don’t ‘like’ you. I’m not attracted to anyone. Especially people who try to extort me.”

Kylo looked at him, stunned. Hux shrugged, “I’m not interested in sex, and I’m grateful for it. It would just get in the way of my work. My brain simply isn’t wired to want sex, from you or anyone.”

“I guess I won’t take your resistance personally then,” sighed Kylo and Hux could not help the scowl that returned to his face. Ren had completely ignored everything except what he wanted to hear. The knight was smiling to himself a little, looking more childlike than usual as he said nervously, “And I was thinking, since I call you Hux, you’ll call me Kylo.”

Hux ground his teeth. Not only had his attempt at dissuading Ren gone in one ear and out the other, Ren was giving him an order. He restrained himself. There were many hills Hux would not have minded dying on. This was not one of them. He muttered, “Kylo then…”

Kylo nodded his approval, “And…look, I know yesterday was hard for you…”

Kylo finally looked him in the eyes, directly. No mask in the way, no flicking his dark eyes about. Kylo Ren made direct eye contact with him, and Hux found himself at a loss for words. It was more intense than he had been expecting. He knew the colour of Kylo’s eyes, they were a particulatly dark brown. Hux was not normally one for poetic waxing, but the instense eye-contact transformed Kylo’s eyes into mesmerizing pools of ebony that could rival a black hole. He briefly wondered their hypnotique quality had anything to do with the Force.

“I didn’t catch you. You’re laid up like this because of me,” said Kylo. He looked away again.

“I’m a soldier, soldiers get hurt,” said Hux flippantly, attempting to recover his footing now that the black of Kylo’s gaze was no longer swallowing him up. At least they had stopped talking about sex, “Though I hope you’ll read up on ship protocol in the future.”

“You shouldn’t get hurt,” said Kylo. Hux furrowed his brow. Ren still seemed to be ignoring his words. The knight’s presence had shifted significantly. The lights remained the same, but there seemed to be more shadow. There was a feral glint in his eyes as he said, “I can feel them, where they’ve holed up. They won’t be a problem for much longer.”

Hux started. Not only had the ship started to pursue the Resistance without his knowledge, Ren was leading the charge? Ren was actually doing something useful? The glint of bloodlust was still playing across his features as he scowled at his interlocking hands.

“We should try to take some of them alive, find out where the rest of them are hiding,” Hux added hesitantly. He enjoyed slaughtering Resistance scum as much as any other member of the Order, but not at the cost of allowing information to slip through his fingers.

“I can find what you want to know. No need to let them live,” said Ren.

“So long as you remember to get information first and kill afterwards,” said Hux quietly. He could picture Ren getting the order of the two tasks confused.

“They’re animals. I’ll slaughter them like animals.”

Redundancy of the statement aside, Hux did not feel comfortable being in the same room as a man with insatiable bloodlust who also wanted to fuck him. He replaced the glass on the table. The small projectile launcher was still resting in the waistband of his fatigue pants at the small of his back. If things got out of hand he could use it. Ren could stop blaster bolts with a thought, but from what Hux had read, Force-users had a harder time with physical projectiles, largely due to the galaxy’s tendency to favor laser weaponry bred an exploitable unfamiliarity, and partly because the dull, tiny objects being fired at a high velocity were harder to perceive and catch.

“So our course has changed. How have the repairs progressed?” asked Hux, trying to change the subject. He was going to get a report from Mitaka later, but so long as Ren was here and actually interested in being helpful, he might as well inquire. He also needed to cover his thoughts before Ren picked up on them.

“We have fifty percent of our weapons online and functional. Enough to take them out. I doubt they will be able to catch us off guard again,” said Ren. He looked up at Hux’s knees, “Are you going to stay here for the rest of the day?”

“It seems that way. I’ll be up and about soon. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this,” said Hux.

“I don’t need to be anywhere,” said Kylo.

Hux had not been giving an invitation, but damn if Kylo had not taken it as one. He laid back in the chair anyways, looking off into the corner, feigning aloofness and conspicuously spreading his legs. Hux covered his eyes with his hand. If Ren was trying to appear attractive, it was not working. It was doing the opposite of working. Hux had wanted something to do but this was not it.

“We could fool around,” said Kylo, in a tone Hux assumed was an attempt at suaveness.

Hux scratched at his back again. He thought about how much it itched, “Ren, I’m not well.”

Ren had the audacity to grin at him, “Come on Hux, I told you I won’t while you’re hurt. Besides, haven’t you ever had someone hold you and look after you when you were-”

Hux looked at Ren quizzically as he stopped, pressing a hand lightly to his mouth, “Oh…oh you haven’t. Nobody would…”

“Would what?” asked Hux, cocking his brow.

“Nothing, I uh…thought…maybe since your father was…”

“The Academy’s philosophy was survival of the fittest. If I died from something stupid like a fever it would mean I was not fit to live. Time and resources ought to be spent on someone more deserving of them, not worthless, sickly infants,” explained Hux, “I learned to care for myself, and I’m stronger for it now.”

“That’s…” Ren trailed off, not knowing where to look, “I’m not sure if that’s worse than not having a name or not. But, I’m here now, and…I want to make you feel better…wanted…cherished, maybe…”

Hux shrank back into the couch as Ren got to his feet. He moved over, carefully, no doubt not wanting to repeat what had happened minutes before when he tried to move in for an embrace. Hux closed his eyes. This was part of the deal. Ren was allowed a few small tokens of ‘affection’. This could have been worse. Ren believed he was being helpful, so it would be good to foster that kind of behaviour. He shifted though, keeping his back pressed into the couch. He could not have Ren spotting his-

Ren stilled and looked down at him, suddenly serious – _focused_. “You…What are you hiding from me?”  

Hux blanched and froze. No, he had hidden it from view. Ren could not have seen it. As he realized what Ren was doing he felt the irrational need to cover his head with his hands as Ren slid through his mind, plucking out the image of the gun and tearing it from his mind, pulling strings of fear and anxiety with it out into the light. Hux shuddered, but managed to fix his eyes into a glare, “I told you to stay out of my head.”

Ren looked as though he were teetering dangerously between outrage and horror.

“You know I wouldn’t...” he said slowly, “Hux. I’d never…r…ra…”

“Rape,” finished Hux, squeezing his eyes shut, bracing for an outburst.

“It’s not…it’s not _that_ if you enjoy it,” insisted Kylo, pressing close. He sounded desperate, and Hux felt a sudden invisible pressure settle around his throat as the little gun was ripped from his waistband. Hux watched it float suspended in the air, buckling and twisting as the knight’s voice grew more heated. “Hux…I’d never do that to you…I asked first. You…you’re stubborn. If you’d admitted you liked it I wouldn’t have _had_ to hold you down. If you hadn’t been so stubborn it wouldn’t have had to happen like that.”

Kylo reached out slowly and the pressure left. The gun clattered to the floor, useless and warped beyond recognition. Hux felt sick. He wished he would just get it over with and leave instead of dragging it out and trying to punish him for wanting to protect himself. He’d rather go about it like ripping off an old bandage. He would lie back, think of something pleasant and wait for it to be over. Kylo’s fingers were shaking by the time they connected with Hux’s bare shoulder, just beside his shirt’s hem. His fingers were warm, impossible to ignore as Kylo lightly trailed them up and down his arm. Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he felt his nerves sent jolts of pleasure through his body. He could hear Kylo breathing heavily as he marvelled, “Oh Hux you’re…you’re so _soft_ …”

Hux bit down harder. That word…the way he said it had been…it made him feel...

Kylo quietly continued, “It’s alright, see? It doesn’t hurt, and it feels good. You don’t have to be afraid.”

Let him have his way and he’ll leave eventually, Hux reminded himself. He watched Ren through the corner of his eye, “If you attempt anything on that list that I haven’t approved of, I’ll shoot your dick off.”

“With what?” asked Kylo, slightly smug as he lightly kicked what remained of Hux’s gun under the table.

“I’ll find something,” Hux growled.  

Kylo grinned and leaned in closer, placing his full hand on Hux’s shoulder and rubbing more firmly, “I like it when you get feisty like that.”

Hux turned more sharply than he meant to and wound up making his head pound again. When he recovered his bearings he growled, _“Excuse me?”_

“Feisty,” repeated Kylo, grinning and reaching around Hux’s shoulders to pull him against his chest. It was too warm, too close, too suddenly. Hux felt his heart pounding as Kylo continued, “Like when you knocked me down. You’re really cute when you get vicious.”

 _Feisty_. Like some cantina wench in an Outer Rim pub. Was that how Kylo saw his earnest attempts to protect himself from being touched without his consent? Foreplay? Hux tried to pull away, but Kylo held him close, rubbing his arm gently and keeping Hux tucked against his chest, “You’re hurt though, so I wouldn’t fight now if I were you. You can lie on my lap if you want...”

“No. Thank. You,” growled Hux, punctuating each word with displeasure.

He felt something press against the top of his head. Hux squeezed his eyes shut again and tried to keep his breathing even. It seemed Kylo really was finally getting it over with after all, pressing soft, infantile kisses against the top of his head. Occasionally he would squeeze his arm, or try to guide him down into his lap, but Hux remained as rigid and upright as he could. A few moments passed, only the thrum of the ship’s engines and buzz of electricity sounding in the room.

“So…” Kylo began. Hux hoped he was not trying to start a – “You…your hair smells nice today.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you,” Hux seethed, recalling the first encounter.

“I…I couldn’t help it. I knew you’d never stop if I asked, so I had to freeze you. And once you were there I always…always wanted to know what your hair smelled like, so I-”

“Stop…” said Hux miserably, “…just stop talking…”

“You smell really good though and you look v-very pretty today…y-your skin is really soft and warm…and…I’m…I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” said Kylo nervously, his face once again a bright pink. Hux noted that it was not a request as Kylo shifted, gently lifting Hux’s face upwards, trying to cause minimal pain.

Hux felt anxiety ripping through him. He wanted to run. He knew running would solve nothing, not to mention that he could not even manage walking at double-time in the state he was in. He did not want this, but he had agreed to it. He had had very good reasons to agree with it. Very good reasons grounded in pure, mercenary logic. Keeping Ren calm and cooperative was imperative to keeping the ship running smoothly. Letting Ren kiss him might keep him calm. Not letting Ren kiss him would undoubtedly spark a rampage.

Hux had never been kissed before. Not willingly. A drunk woman once sloppily licked the side of his face at a party. That had been the end for all of them; for kissing, parties, and that particular woman.

He felt Kylo’s lips brush against his own. Immediately every myth and poem he had heard about kisses was proven wrong. It was not warm, sweet and magnetic, it was cold, wet and repulsive. It was like having a Rathtar’s tentacle latched to his face. Ren’s hand slid up from his shoulder and cupped his cheek, holding him in place to continue his exploration. The knight was latched firmly to his lower lip, grazing his teeth against it.

“O-open your mouth a little maybe…” Kylo instructed hesitantly.

So this was it then? He had clawed his way, tooth and nail to the top of the military hierarchy all so Kylo fucking Ren could poke his tongue around his mouth. It was like dental work, but more tedious and without the benefit of a suction hose to get rid of excess saliva. Kylo pulled back, “Um…all I’m feeling from you is irritation. You should tell me if something isn’t…you know…turning you on…”

“I can’t say anything if you’ve got your bloody tongue in my mouth…” seethed Hux, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. If he had been outside he would have tried to spit out the feel and taste of Ren’s tongue sweeping over his own. Besides, even if he said anything, he doubted Ren would listen.

“Here, I think you might like this better,” said Kylo apologetically, before leaning down.

Hux’s eyes, which had been half shut in a wince, anticipating another unwelcome round of cold kisses, snapped open when Kylo pressed his lips against his neck. He remembered the feeling. The last time he had done that they had been in this room. Hux pushed the thought out of his mind and tried to think of other things. He had never been on these particular pain medications before. Ren systematically trailing to the base of his throat. If he could not read he might give meditation another go. Ren stroking his hair and shoulder, working back up to his jaw with his lips, breathing in his ear lightly. It made him shudder, shooting nerves and shivers down his back. Ren’s lips warmed, stealing heat from Hux’s throat. The sensation of his neck being kissed, licked, nuzzled and tickled by long hair, practically being worshipped, was pleasant enough but the person doing it…the situation…it was all so _wrong_.

“Oh, you _liked_ that…” whispered Ren. The comment felt like a kick in the teeth.

If Hux said no Ren would get angry and accuse him of lying. He could not say yes though. A yes would be misconstrued as an invitation to do more. Was there such a thing as a safe answer?

“Stubborn,” said Ren, kissing his cheek. His tone was more confident, becoming bolder with each positive sensation he elicited from Hux’s traitorous body.   Ren grinned against Hux’s cheek and whispered, “Let’s find what else you like…”

Hux felt a hand settle on his thigh and slapped it away. Ren replaced his hand and glared at him, as if he were an animal and Hux was trying to pry a prize bone from his jaws. Quickly, Hux considered everything he had learned about reasoning with Ren. Don’t refuse, bargain. Don’t say it’s unpleasant. Don’t fight, he likes fighting. It’s alright to be nervous. If he was nervous… He looked away. This was going to hurt his pride. This was going to hurt a lot.

“N-no, I’m…n-not ready for that…”

He could not help stammering. If he had ever said anything remotely akin to ‘I’m not ready’ at any point in his life he never would have come this far. It was always ‘yes sir,’ or ‘no sir,’ nothing in between. No hesitance, no wavering, no uncertainty and above all no cowardliness. It nearly killed him, but it was necessary. If he wanted any hope of making-

Ren gave his thigh an apologetic squeeze and pulled back, “Alright.”

Hux’s eyes widened. That was surprisingly easy.

Ren grinned, “So where can I touch you?”

Hux’s eyes narrowed again. So much for his little victory. However, he now had something small he could exploit. He never thought he would be able to say being a nearly thirty-year-old virgin would be tactically advantageous, yet here he was. Ren was willing to buy the apprehensive virgin act, so Hux was willing to play it for him. In reality, Hux did not think having sex was as life-changing as people made it out to be. Whether Hux had sex or not, he would still be made up of the same oxygen, carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen as he had always been. However, if acting like a blushing maiden was going to get him out of this, Hux did not consider it beneath him to put on the charade.

“Look, if you don’t want me in your head, you have to tell me what your limits are,” said Ren, who had moved his hand back to Hux’s shoulder.

“Ren, Kylo…this isn’t a good time,” said Hux, trying to reason with the knight as best he could. He had an idea, “I don’t know if it will aggravate my condition or not. You might hurt me. Didn’t you promise to be gentle with me?”

“Alright,” said Ren, not completely able to hide his disappointment, “We can try some other time…but…just here? I promise I’ll stop after this.”

Ren touched just below his collar bone, near the hem of his shirt, stroking gently with his fingers, “I saw you get flustered while trying to cover up yesterday. I had no idea our General was so modest…”

“I was having trouble because I had a concussion,” Hux argued. Ren snorted, stifling a laugh against his neck.

“You were _blushing_ ,” laughed Ren quietly, “You’d think nobody had ever looked at you with the slightest hint of desire before.  Was...was that your first kiss?  It was, wasn't it?" 

Hux felt his cheeks burn at the accusation.  Kylo pulled back and kissed Hux’s cheek. Hux noted that his lips had warmed significantly since his first attempt. The knight gently stroked his hair and nuzzled against his face, “Don't worry, I liked it.  I like knowing I'm the only one you've ever kissed, and I'm the only one who gets to see that blush.”

“As…” Hux fished through his memory for a word that was not a command or insult while his body shivered with unwanted pleasure, “…flattering as that is, I need to rest so I can recover so…”

Ren stared at his arm blankly. Hux sighed before concluding more bluntly, “So perhaps you should leave me alone now?”

“It’s fine. I came to take care of you,” said Ren, infuriatingly undeterred. He got up off the couch, “Lie down, I’ll get you more blankets.”

Blankets were not a cure for headaches. Ren did not seem to realize this though and was content to pile anything resembling a blanket that he could find on top of Hux. He even added his bloody cape to the pile. Satisfied with his work, he refilled water glasses, examined Hux’s medication, arranging it in a way that seemed more pleasing to him, and finally dropped himself down on the couch again.

Hux nearly panicked when Ren lifted his legs so he could slide underneath them. It took a lot of effort not to reflexively kick away. He was not going to provoke Ren, not in this condition. Having tried once already he knew it would hurt him more than it would the knight. Ren did not seem to notice, or care, patting Hux’s leg in his lap before slowly trailing his hand up and down the way he had with Hux’s arm. The General found the sensation pleasant, but the fact that it was Ren doing it, that he might lose his temper if he asked him to stop, put Hux on edge. Ren hummed to himself, a strange disjointed melody that he seemed to be making up on the spot, before saying, “I’m not skilled enough to completely heal you, but I know healing can feel good.” Ren stifled a laugh, “You got so relaxed last time I thought I might have accidentally knocked you out.”

“Can that happen?” asked Hux, trying not to sound fretful.

“No, not normally, but your body is…very responsive,” said Ren, smiling slightly, “Then again, that was your first time experiencing Force-healing, wasn’t it? Would you like me to do it again? Or I could help you fall asleep.”

“No thank you,” said Hux quickly. He wanted to be as alert as possible in his weakened, unarmed state.  

“Um…you know I’m very fond of you, right?” said Ren quietly, “I mean- I want you but, that’s not all there is to it. You know there’s more to this than…wanting to…do things to you…”  

Hux closed his eyes and tried to ignore the warm, massive hands massaging his legs. There was certainly something to this. Some sort of delusion, trying to fulfil a fantasy dreamed up by his psychotic mind. Why else would he want consent so badly? Why else would he give a damn if Hux was a virgin or not? Whether the sex was painful or not? Why else would Ren be so determined to justify all of his actions? If his goal had simply been sex, Ren had multiple opportunities to take it, but he didn’t. There was definitely something more to this. Ren wanted something more than sex from this arrangement. Hux had no idea what it was, precisely, but he was determined to figure it out. “Yes, I think you’ve made it quite clear…”

 

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

“Such a feeling coming over me~”

Phasma looked around. With her helmet on and in such a narrow hall it was hard to tell where the noise was coming from. It sounded like someone singing, but it was muffled, distorted, and echoing loudly through the halls.

“There is wonder in most everything I see~”

Suddenly she was swung around by her hands as a dark robed figure skipped around her and sang, “Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eye, oh I won’t be surprised if it’s a dream~”

“Sir!?” exclaimed Phasma, trying not to lose her footing. Stormtrooper armour was built for many functions. Skipping in circles was not one of them.

“Captain, guess what the General just gave me?” asked Kylo teasingly.

Phasma tried to think of one of the less offensive things the General had said he would like to give Kylo, “…an eviction notice?”

“No, silly,” said Kylo chidingly. He whispered, giggling, “His first kiss from those sweet virgin lips~”

“…His what now?”

“Oh yeah, turns out our ruthless General is a modest, undefiled little blossom of innocence and purity who blushes at the slightest touches,” tittered Kylo.

“You’re certain that blush wasn’t from unfathomable rage?” suggested Phasma.

“Nope, he’s a spotless, untouched, pristine, uncorrupted, honest to Vader, virgin. And he’s all mine to deflower. Later, Captain.”

Kylo released her and skipped down the hall, singing about how he was on the top of the world and looking down on creation. Phasma sighed. She knew every time she looked at General Hux she was going to _know_. She tried to unknow but she could not. The information was now permanently lodged in her brain and was creating a horrible mental image. The unflappable military genius General Hux getting gooey, blushing and whimpering, “N-not so rough Lord Ren…p-please be gentle with me…it’s my first time…”

Phasma sighed and pleaded to whoever might be listening, “Please stop making me a part of this…”


	6. Since it’s No One’s Concern (then no one should care)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks and apologies to my beta, countofeight, who recently had a nightmare due in part to reading this fic. I'm not sure whether I should be proud of my writing or terrified of what my brain is making Hux go through.

Despite Kylo Ren being much better behaved than usual, Hux still saw fit to take precautions. He had spent his remaining time in recovery practicing how to create elaborate puzzles in his mind or shut down his thoughts. Someone like the Supreme Leader could probably be able to read whatever information he wanted at a glance, but Hux felt he might be able to hold out against a significantly less experienced Force-user. A Padawan, or Youngling or whatever equivalent there was now.

He had kept up his research, but hand-to-hand combat practice was much better for relieving stress. Books could calm his nerves, throwing someone into a mat and twisting their limbs until they writhed in pain released them. It was also a good way to affirm his recovery process to himself. Simulations, while they were quickly becoming more and more realistic, would not carry the same physical risk as real combat. If he was not fit to survive a simple simulation, he knew he was not fit for active duty again.

After booking time in a private training room he scrolled through a list of simulations. He convinced himself that nobody would look at his history too closely. Why would anyone go to the trouble? First they would have to breach the encryptions to access the code to see which simulations had been accessed, and then cross check the schedule to figure out who had accessed it. Then, even at that, they would see that General Hux had been training with hand to hand combat simulations and would have to do a ridiculous amount of decoding to figure out exactly which simulation it was. Unfortunately, there was no way to completely erase his electronic footprint. If someone went to the trouble to figure him out, even if it was a lot of trouble, the evidence would be there.

Hux sighed through his nose. It was nobody’s business what simulation he used, so nobody should care. Nobody was going to look through his history. Hux was not quite convinced of it as he swallowed, and lightly opened a subfolder in the hand-to-hand database.

_‘Beginner’s Self-Defense: Sexual Assault Simulations.’_

No one of these would apply to Ren perfectly. They had not yet compiled ways to simulate a Force-user, let alone what one might do in this specific situation. If Ren went too far, which was a real possibility, not one of these simulations was going to be a good match for what he could expect to happen.

‘ _Or he might just whine pathetically again_ ,’ thought Hux as he scrolled through the list of settings provided after selecting indoors. Bar, Bathroom, Bedroom, Bridge, Catwalk, Cockpit, Hallway, Hanger, Kitchen, Locker Room…Hux chewed at the inside of his cheek before selecting the bedroom. More options for parameters came up. A hologram of an empty room was shown and Hux adjusted the size and furniture. A screen popped up, _‘Would you like to save this setting for future use? All custom simulations may be accessed by any member of the First Order.’_

Hux quickly pressed no and began to customize his assailant. Using Ren’s file, or at least the data on him that was available, Hux entered the information. In the end a fairly accurate copy of Ren stood in the room in miniature. Hux looked over the available personalities, Abrasive, Adamant, Honourable, Humble, Modest, Polite, Rash, Shy, Temperamental…

None of them really fit Ren, not exactly. He selected ‘rash’ and did not bother saving. Hux activated his simulation.

Holograms sprang up all over the room. Hux was in a replica of his bedroom. Not perfect, but it sufficed. An automated voice guided him, _“Defending in prone position. Please lay on your back.”_

Hux complied, lying down in the middle of the room. A copy of Kylo appeared on top of him. Hux felt pressure and realized it was nothing like the real thing. The real Kylo, while persistent had always handled him like a piece of glassware. Even when he gripped it was never hard enough to bruise or break skin. Hux recalled Phasma saying that simulations were nothing compared to real, field experience. Perhaps this was what she meant.

_“When you hear the tone, please begin.”_

There were a few short, sharp beeps, followed by a silence and a long, stretched out note. The Kylo dummy grabbed his throat. Hux shot his arms up between the dummy’s, forcing them apart until the hold on him could no longer be sustained. He gripped an arm and forced his elbow into the dummy’s own elbow joint, causing it to lurch forward. Hux caught its face, using the momentum to flip the dummy on its back. In less than two seconds, Hux had flipped their positions and straddled the dummy’s hips. He punched it neatly in the throat.

_“Simulation successfully completed. Would you like to repeat, proceed, or modify parameters?”_

“Modify,” said Hux, “Search for voicebank. Male, baritone, generic.”

_“Voicebank selected. Please select phrase database.”_

“Generic…” Hux had to pause before he said it, “Sexual assault assailant.”

_“Voicebank and database added to simulation. Would you like to make any further modifications?”_

“No.”

_“Would you like to repeat or proceed?”_

“Proceed.”

_“Defending in standing position. Please stand on the indicated tile.”_

Hux got to his feet and stood on a flashing tile. The Kylo dummy appeared behind him. Hux gritted his teeth at the memories it brought back. The computer droned, “When you hear the tone, please begin.”

The warning came, then the tone. The holo dummy wrapped its arms around Hux. It spoke, close to his ear, loud and threatening, “I’m going to fuck you you whore!”

It sounded nothing like Kylo, Hux noted, slamming his forearm into the dummy’s groin and smashing his head backwards into its forehead. Thank goodness he’d recovered from his concussion. The dummy let go.

_“Simulation successfully completed. Would you like-”_

“Turn it off. Just turn it all off,” snapped Hux.

This…was not going to help him. Kylo was not going to jump him and shout obscenities. Kylo was going to manipulate him with threats and the Force. No matter how much he trained, it was not going to help him with the reality of his situation. Hux watched the holograms fade away, leaving an empty room and a robotic training dummy, rolling back into a wall panel. It bothered him that this was not something he could replicate in a simulation, that this wasn’t something he could test and tweak with until he found the perfect solution.

 _‘Or any solution,’_ his mind reminded him unhelpfully. He still didn’t have a functioning one of those.

He thought back to Kylo’s behaviour over the last two weeks. Every three days, like clockwork, Ren would approach him and stare. Hux would then find an excuse to go off somewhere private. Ren would follow, take off his mask and give Hux a light, gentle kiss on the lips. He would smile, say something stupid like ‘you taste nice,’ and Hux would cringe and mutter something dismissive like, ‘it’s the tea I had earlier, are you finished?’

Hux was slowly getting used to the idea of hugs. Ren loved them, Hux was fairly certain he still hated them. They felt too much like an aggressive hold. His instinct was to fight back and break free when anyone tried to hold him like that. Instead, he had to force himself to stand straight, rigid, like a plank of wood, and pretend it was not happening as he waited for Ren to finish.

Then Ren would kiss him again, always somewhere different, Hux had noticed. Ren would ask Hux how his condition was, if he might feel well enough for…and then Ren would trail off. Hux would say he was still unwell, looking away, hoping he had not turned red. Ren would give him a parting kiss. Hux would wipe his mouth, shake his limbs out and return to his duties, spending the rest of the day trying to hide his ‘skittishness’ as Ren had put it. He had to admit though, Ren’s behaviour had improved drastically. There was still the occasional burn mark in the hall that was spotted, and some training equipment had been absolutely demolished, but compared to before their bargain Ren had calmed himself considerably.

 _‘It’s worth it,’_ Hux reminded himself. He tried to tell himself there was strength and cunning in his decision. A lesser man would have gotten himself killed, would have had his mind broken under the stress of the situation. Hux tried to convince himself of it. This arrangement was not a defeat or a surrender, it was just another tactic. A means to a greater end. He was strong for realizing and taking advantage of it. He was resourceful for realizing he could use himself as a bargaining chip.

Hux traced his lips. When Ren’s mouth was not cold from nerves the act of kissing itself was not an unpleasant one. Under different circumstances it might have been relaxing and therapeutic. Releasing endorphins into the brain, reducing stress, it was not an action that was without its merits. Ren could be doing worse things to punish him, much worse. This was not the worst situation Hux could have found himself in.

So why did he feel so worthless every time Ren finished with him?

* * *

 

Hux kept the _Finalizer_ at a distance. The large ship would no doubt be detected if it got too close. A squadron of TIE fighters was to be sent instead. Ren insisted on being a member of the strike team. Hux would have rather kept Ren on board, even in spite of their tumultuous relationship, somewhere within hearing distance. If he had Ren’s power, to perceive where the enemy was and what their plans were, he would not want to be stationed at the front. Someone like that ought to be devising tactics, constantly communicating with field officers and giving them directions, not charging recklessly with a laser sword in hand.

Ren would be Ren though, and he insisted on killing up close and personal. It was a waste of energy in Hux’s opinion. Why run up to an opponent, swinging wildly to cut them in half, when one could hole up somewhere inconspicuous and pick them off one by one at several hundred yards without breaking a sweat. Better yet, why not destroy the whole planet and kill the lot of them with the push of a button?

Though Ren had better not kill them all. This time. Hux wanted to know where the rest of them were. He suspected the New Republic. It was a little too convenient that their fleet happened to arrive time and time again when the Resistance was in danger. It was always a little too coincidental that raids took place near the neutral territory of the New Republic. It was a little too suspicious that the Resistance was always well-supplied and their ships well-maintained.

The mission went less smoothly than Hux would have hoped. Something had tipped the Resistance off. Their radars had not picked up the _Finalizer_ , but something must have warned them of their approach. This had General Organa written all over it. She seemed to have the ability to track and predict their movements beyond the capabilities their technology should have permitted. Having high enough information clearance, he knew Organa was Darth Vader’s biological daughter. It would not have surprised him if she was using the same sorcery as Ren.

The outpost, which was more of a safe-house than anything else, had easily been taken. There was nobody there. Ren chopped everything in sight to pieces, including the databases, which had no doubt been wiped prior to departure. Hux still scowled at the idea that Ren might have destroyed a vital clue. All that rush to get well enough to direct the assault himself and the targets had run away and Ren had destroyed a possible lead.

Hux stood on the bridge, looking out into the asteroid field. He ordered Mitaka to open a communications channel to Ren.

“Lord Ren,” said Hux, careful to use the knight’s proper title in front of the rest of the crew. One of them had to have a sense of propriety after all, “Can you sense them at all?”

_“Cowards! I’ll kill them! I’ll chase them back to-”_

“Close the channel lieutenant, I doubt we’ll get anything coherent until he can calm himself,” said Hux, about to pinch the bridge of his nose before he stopped himself, “Captain Phasma, is there anything that can be salvaged?”

_“Nothing sir. Some personal effects, possibly a diary. It’s written in Twi’lek.”_

It was better than nothing. Hux searched the database for crew members who were fluent in Twi’lek. Quite a few were listed as competent, only three fluent. Colonel Kripke, Private Neava, and a technician named Ipwitch. He sent out messages for them to be on standby. Hopefully it would lead to something worthwhile.

_“Sir, Lord Ren appears to be…well he’s worse than usual, Sir.”_

“How so?” demanded Hux.

_“He wishes to pursue the enemy beyond the border into the Hosnian system. He’s threatening to pilot his ship himself if we will not pursue the Resistance.”_

They could not attack. They had not been given orders. Not yet. Not alone. Ren needed to be stopped.

“Lieutenant Mitaka, patch me through again,” ordered Hux, “Lord Ren, stand down immediately and return to the _Finalizer_.”

_“I won’t sulk on the ship when we can fight! I sense them. They aren’t far past the border. We can still-”_

“Any aggression on our part would be considered an act of war,” said Hux firmly, cutting him off, “We have not been ordered to engage any vessels within the Hosnian System. We can’t take on their fleet by ourselves. Stand down.”

_“Hiding behind your desk, giving speeches and orders are all you’re good for!”_

“Forty six.”

Ren remained silent and Hux kept his hands clenched behind his back, his face set like stone. Ren remained quiet. Hux could hear him panting with overexcitement and likely from the exertion of hitting everything in sight with his ridiculous lightsaber. He heard what sounded like the beginnings of a question and quickly cut Ren off.

“Return to the _Finalizer_ immediately. You will calm yourself and we will discuss our next move. Comply quickly and I’ll see about having request number forty six approved.”

Hux imagined that his officers were staring at him in confusion. They weren’t, but it felt like it. They had heard Hux bargain with Ren before, or attempt to, it was nothing new. Hux tried to convince himself Decuna was not giving him a knowing glance or that Mitaka looked more concerned than usual. It was like after Ren had assaulted him the first time. He was hyper-aware of everyone around him and he was imagining things. He just needed to continue being sensible about the situation.

That situation of course being that he was bribing Kylo Ren with intimacy to keep him from making a mess to large for the _Finalizer_ to handle.  

 _“Forty six?”_ said Kylo, sounding confused. There was a moment of silence. Hux thought he felt something sift through his mind as Kylo let out a quiet laugh, _“I wasn’t expecting you to bribe me General.”_

“I wasn’t expecting you to try to run off like a spoiled child,” countered Hux, “Return immediately or I’ll leave you on the bloody asteroid. General Hux out.”

What had he done?

Hux turned on his heels, “Lieutenant Mitaka, you have the bridge. I need to prepare for Lord Ren’s arrival.”

He walked out quickly, sharply, not a hair out of place, the image of calm and perfection. As soon as the blast doors closed behind him he allowed his breath to quicken. What was forty six? He was certain he remembered. He had an eidetic memory for goodness sakes. Yet he was questioning himself. He was panicking. What if he had said the wrong number on accident? What if in his confusion or haze from being hit in the head he had remembered things wrong? What if he had just given Ren permission, in front of dozens of witnesses, to do something unspeakable to him?

First order of business was confirming exactly what he had agreed to. He kept himself under control as he navigated the labyrinth of halls and broke into a scramble as soon as he reached his quarters. He had hidden Ren’s sordid little list in a hidden compartment inside a safe. It was the only thing he kept in the safe. Hux had no valuable personal effects, and he kept most of his data on a secured datapad. Ren’s list was the only thing he had that needed to be hidden from prying eyes. He considered burning it, but realized it would be a rash thing to do. If he got rid of it Ren might try to argue that there was something more written on it, or that Hux had scribbled some promise or other in the margins.  

He quickly scanned down the list, ignoring what was written and counting off each and every sinful wish. He muttered the numbers out loud. That was not good, that meant he was starting to lose control. Hux worked his way down and his fingers stopped.

‘ _Sleep with you.’_

Hux recalled that when he first read it, he had felt a little relieved. It had meant that Ren was not intent on sharing quarters with him, and that Ren would leave him alone after their ‘sessions’. The language of everything else was fairly explicit, sleeping in this case clearly meant sleeping. The only reason Hux had not approved of it before was that he was not comfortable having the knight around when he was unconscious and vulnerable. He doubted Ren would kill him, but it was possible nonetheless. Though the more pressing and likely threat was that Ren might violate him while he was sleeping. He might not even realize that he was doing something wrong. Every time Ren got aggressive he seemed more offended at Hux’s rejections than any possible crime he might have committed.

They were crimes, Hux reminded himself. If he was in a position where he felt he could report them and not lose any respect from the rest of the Order, if it had not been the ultimate sign of weakness, he would have reported Ren and had him arrested.

It would not have worked on someone like Ren, but Hux allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy of Ren being hauled off in handcuffs to face a tribunal.

Hux looked around his quarters. Ren would be coming soon, and Hux knew he could not back out of this. The security shift changed around the twenty-second hour of a twenty-four hour cycle, and then again at the sixth hour. If Ren came just before the twenty-second hour and left just after the sixth hour the following morning, it should not arouse much suspicion. The guards on the overnight shift would not see Ren at all, while the others would assume that he would leave, or had just left, during a different guard’s shift. Hux made a note of that. It might allow a Resistance spy to slip past more easily if someone learned their schedule.

Hux rarely drank, especially on duty, but he wanted to be numb. If he was spending the night with Kylo Ren wrapped around him, he was not doing it sober. He had tried sobriety and alertness before and it had done nothing to help him. It had just made him all the more acute to Ren’s touches. Hux practically marched to the preserver and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He had no idea where it came from, he could not even read the label, he just knew it smelled like paint thinner and turpentine.

He poured himself out a glass, took a sip, and looked about desperately for something to get the infernal taste out of his mouth.

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

 

“General Hux, Sir!” called Mitaka over the comlink, “This is a routine reminder that you still have a workshop at 18 hours.”

Hux, completely sloshed, whiskey bottle in hand, sighed and stumbled out of his quarters, “I mean…God damn it, right?”

He arrived at the conference room where a large assembly was waiting for him. He looked about the room as he began, “Right. Today we’re talking about shhhexual harassment. We’re talking about shhexual harassment today. It’s what we’re talking about.”

Hux stumbled across the stage, spilling liquor as he went and pointed to a large board behind him, “You think it can’t happen to you. You’re just walking down the hall one day and BAM!” Hux slammed his hand against the board behind him, “Sexual harassment! And I mean, it’s right out of nowhere! Nobody sees it coming! I mean, who the fuck saw this coming!? I didn’t see it coming! You didn’t see it coming! Just, BAM, there it was!”

The assembled officers began to squirm in their seats uncomfortably. Hux took a long drink of whiskey before he continued, “So how can you avoid it? You can’t! Because so long as there’s an overpowered horny bastard out there who doesn’t understand consent, you’re fucked!  And you're fucked!  And _you’re_ fucked! We’re ALL fucked!”

Mitaka whimpered from his seat in the corner.

“And that’s the irony isn’t it? You spend your whole life not being fucked, but it’s life that finally fucks you!” raved Hux, “Well I’m tired of life fucking me, I’m going to fuck my life!”

Hux pounded back the rest of his whiskey, dropped the mic, and strode off the stage.

Highly illegal holovids of General Hux giving a drunken sexual harassment seminar were sold to Kanjiklub for an absurd price the following day.


	7. Until the Morning we Lay as One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Hux is singing in the Bonus Stupidity is from an Irish TV show called The Savage Eye. To my knowledge the song is called The Song at Bedtime. You can find it on YouTube here : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1c8N1uKjkS4
> 
> My tiny sinner hands continue to make Hux suffer...

By the time Ren arrived, Hux was more than buzzed. The glass had been drained several times and he could no longer feel his toes and fingertips. His brain felt horribly frazzled and he was having difficulty keeping a clear train of thought. One thought never entered his head, and would be suppressed for the rest of the evening. His blaster, a new one without physical projectiles, was hidden under the mattress on the side of the bed near the wall. If Ren got out of hand, Hux knew he ought to be able to reach it and hit Ren at point blank, intoxicated or otherwise.

His lips also felt tingly. He pressed them together and the strangest sensation would pass through them. Ren did the same thing when he seemed nervous. It was something Hux had not seen an adult do before, when he thought about it. Actions like that, along with nail biting and nervous scratching were trained out of most children he had known by the age of seven at the absolute latest.

Ren walked in at twenty one and a half hours and was once again greeted by the sight of Hux, drunk and wearing fatigues. He did not seem to have been expecting to see Hux tapping at his lower lip curiously. Ren grinned, Hux glowered.

“How did you get in?” demanded Hux.

“You had a security code delivered, with an appointment reminder,” said Kylo, holding up a datapad. Oh, right, he had done that. Hux glared at the empty glass. This was the whiskey’s fault.

“I was surprised. After all that fussing, _you_ invited _me_ ,” said Kylo. He was intolerably pleased with himself. Hux decided he did not like it when Kylo smiled. It was like being thrown to the floor and kicked in the gut. Just a reminder of how low he had stooped and how much he had failed. Kylo looked him over and Hux crossed his arms. The knight continued, “I know what you’re probably telling yourself, but it’s getting harder for you to deny that you enjoy this.”

“It’s still quite easy; I don’t enjoy it. There. Easier than shooting Gungans in an escape pod,” protested Hux drunkenly.

Kylo furrowed his brow and looked Hux over. Not in the hungry, predatory way he usually did, but a more clinical appraisal. He came closer and Hux took a step back to try to put some distance between them. The knight glanced back at the empty rock glass before cupping Hux’s alcohol-reddened cheek in one of his large hands. Kylo arched his brow slightly, “…you’re drunk?”

“So?” asked Hux petulantly, shaking his head free from Kylo’s grip.

Kylo shook his head disapprovingly, “I don’t…want to do anything while you’re drunk. That stuff messes with your mind, Hux.”

That was interesting.

Most cases that Hux had read about indicated that predators preferred their targets to be incapacitated by heavy drinking. Was Kylo Ren growing a conscience? Probably not, but it was a useful bit of information. Kylo Ren did not want to touch him while he was drunk. Hux would bear it in mind when they arrived at the next port and planned to stock up on alcohol. He did wonder why Ren disliked drunkenness so much. He mentioned the mind, not the brain, so it might have had something to do with the Force. Perhaps it had something to do with his 'energy' or some such ridiculousness.

“Want to go to the bedroom?”

The words slammed into Hux the way Phasma would slam him into a training matt and snapped him out of his thoughts. He had prepared himself for this mentally, but hearing it made it feel too real for comfort. Still, there was some comfort. Ren didn’t want him drunk. His mouth went dry nonetheless his eyes subconciously flicked towards the doorway.

“I’ll carry you,” offered Kylo with a smirk, “You don’t look very steady.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” said Hux, backing away and nearly tripping on a chair. He was not some blushing virginal prize for the knight to sweep up in his arms and toss on a bed like a barbarian.

“I won’t,” said the knight, pulling him into an embrace. A strong hand gripped the back of Hux’s head and pushed it against Ren’s shoulder, “Next time I’ll kill them. You’re not theirs to hurt.”

If the words had not been so frightfully possessive the sentiment would have been touching. Hux pulled away, “I called you here early to appear inconspicuous, however I don’t actually sleep until twenty two and a half hours at the absolute earliest. You’re free to entertain yourself in the meantime.”

“What do you do? You’re off duty,” observed Kylo.

“I read, I study, I make plans,” slurred Hux, picking his datapad from off the table. He quickly opened a volume on how to survive when trapped on an ice planet, hoping Ren had not seen anything resembling histories of Jedi killers. He flipped past the book’s introduction, “I plan on reading for at least a solid hour. There’s whiskey if you can drink it, water if you can’t, and I’m sure there’s a holovid or two in the database that might interest you.”

Hux did not glance up as he moved to sit down. Ren caught him by the shoulders, “You can read in bed.”

“Ren,” said Hux warningly. For someone who claimed to be turned off by his drunkenness, Ren was being awfully pushy.

“Hux,” said Kylo mockingly, “You’re drunk, and need to lie down. You can read in bed. And when we’re alone you call me Kylo, remember?”

Ren was tugging him in the direction of the bedroom. Hux could see this was a fight he was not going to win. He told himself it could be worse. If he had said forty five he would have been subjected to ‘frottage.’ Whatever that was. Probably something dirty and obscene.

“Have you washed?” asked Hux.

“No,” came the careless reply.

Hux pulled away, “You’ve been in a small vessel most of the day, in armour and layers of thick robes. You’re going to smell awful. Go wash up. I hope you brought something to sleep in.”

“Of course not. How would it look if I was seen walking here with a change of clothes under my arms?” said Ren, who obviously still wanted their bizarre relationship kept a secret. To what end, Hux had no idea. The General had plenty of reasons why he did not want the crew knowing what Ren was doing to him, but what of the knight? With his possessive streak it made more sense for him to openly and brazenly stake a claim. Not that Hux was going to complain. If Ren wanted the whole thing kept under wraps, Hux was not going to openly question it.

“Right,” groaned Hux, “There are a few sets of fatigues in the closet. Something should fit you.”

Ren grinned at him. Hux glowered, “Whether you plan on touching me or not, you’re not sleeping next to me naked.”

“Well, I’m going to stretch your fatigues out. You insisted on this, so don’t complain after, alright?” said Kylo, grinning to himself as he went to rummage through the closet. Hux sat on the bed, claiming the side near the wall and keeping his focus on the datapad. He let himself get absorbed in the volume, all of his surface thoughts would be consumed by trivia about how to survive a Wampa attack. All the while he could hear the unfamiliar sounds of someone else in his room, milling about, rummaging, and finally stepping into the wash area. Hux had not had a roommate since he had been a Private, and found the whole thing slightly jarring.

He turned his attention back to the book as he heard the water running. He tried not to think about Ren’s audacious long hair clogging the drains. He tried not to think about having to clean Ren’s hair out of the drains. He tried not to think about how Ren was going to come out, soaking wet, more than likely bare chested, and start running his hands all over him again. Wampas. He had to focus on Wampas. So their jaws could crush human bone. How fascinating. He could not focus. It must have been the alcohol. It certainly was not his own fault.

The water shut off and Hux started. It was happening. It was really going to happen. He looked at the pages projected from the datapad. He ignored Ren emerging from the shower and tossing his towel in a corner, which was difficult. Used towels did not belong on the floor. Ren hovered over him, right in the corner of Hux’s peripheral vision, daring him to pay some sort of attention. Slowly it got to him. He could not concentrate on the book with Ren’s eyes on him like that.

“You’re cute when you’re out of uniform and not antagonizing me,” said Ren, “You look better like this. Harmless and comfortable.”  

“Don’t patronize me,” warned Hux.

“And always so _feisty_.”

Hux glared at him and bit back a snarl.

Kylo slipped in next to him. He was warm, slightly damp, especially his hair which was a surprisingly pleasant combination of both. Hux’s own hair had never been long enough for him to realize that human hair could feel like that. Kylo guided him, much to Hux’s chagrin, onto his bare chest, forcing his head to lean back under his chin. Kylo pressed his cheek to the top of Hux’s head and wrapped an arm around him. His body was ridiculously solid. It might as well have been metal or stone. If he had worn his armour to bed it would have probably felt the same, minus the heat of course.

“So, Wampa killing. Planning a trip to Hoth?” asked Ren.

“I’m trying to read,” countered Hux.

“Your hair’s too bright. You’d stand out in the snow and get eaten by something,” said Kylo.

“If my hair was exposed, it would mean part of my head was likely exposed, and I would get severe frostbite, never mind the Wampas,” muttered Hux, “Look, are you going to let me read, or not?”

“Keep going, it seems riveting,” said Kylo sarcastically. He squeezed Hux and whispered, “I’m more interesting than anything in that book, and you know it.”

Hux felt the tingling, shivering sensation down his back again. He could feel Kylo smile against the top of his head, damn him. Between Ren’s weight and the whiskey he could feel himself ready to collapse. He scowled, “Get off of my head Ren.”

“How’s this then?”

Hux froze as Kylo shifted, moving out from under him and laying his head across his chest. Hux held both of his hands in the air, not sure of when he ought to put them as Ren wrapped an arm around him, “Better, General?”

How the devil was he supposed to answer that? No, it was not better, it was worse. He looked over Ren, trying to figure out the most comfortable place to put his hands so he would not be touching the knight. He could not hold his arms up forever. Ren solved the dilemma for him by catching his arm and holding it to his chest. Hux froze again.

“It’s fun reminding you you’re human,” said Ren, “Not a droid like you pretend to be.”

“I know I’m human, I don’t need your reminders,” said Hux, turning the page with his free hand.

He tried to focus on the book, but Ren’s thoughts were radiating again. It was pure need. Not for sex, but intimacy. Hux could practically hear him crying out for someone to hold him, stroke his hair, rub his back. Ren might well have been trying to recreate a childhood memory, or make up for a lost childhood. He wondered how often Ren accidentally projected like that, and if anyone else on the ship had heard him. He wondered if Ren actually cared who heard him. Hux wondered if he would care more about the mental invasion if he was sober. Probably, but he could not help that now.

Ren pressed Hux’s fingers. He wanted something, clearly, or he would not have gotten Hux’s attention. It was not teasing or disparaging, or Hux was certain he would have vocalized it. Hux tried to ignore him and focus on the book in front of him. Ren squeezed Hux’s hand again and nuzzled against his chest, letting out a needy sigh. Hux gritted his teeth and tried to continue. Ren whined more insistently and pulled Hux’s hand to his mouth, rubbing his face on it. Hux, desperate to ignore it and show his disinterest began to read out loud, “A Wampa will often drag its prey back to its den. The cold will preserve a corpse for several weeks, allowing the animal to eat at its leisure. Naturalists have observed that some Wampas will actually ration out their prey, while others will eat their kill all at once. This behaviour depends on-”

“What are you doing?” asked Kylo, who was the confused party for once.

“I’m reading out loud to make sure I absorb everything and you don’t distract me,” slurred Hux, “Now shut up and let me read.”

Hux was determined to finish the chapter. Ren seemed determined to distract him. The knight pressed in closer to his chest as he read, bringing Hux’s hand to his hair. It was an invitation, one that Hux was not comfortable accepting. Ren held it there for several paragraphs, squeezing Hux’s hand insistently before the General gave in. So there he was, the youngest General in the order’s history, prowling the border of the New Empire, the scourge of the Resistance slime, stroking Kylo Ren’s hair and reading him a bedtime story. Thank goodness he was drunk.

It could have been worse, thought Hux, remembering the list. Much worse. This was one of the more pleasant ways the day could have ended.

He got through the chapter, for better or for worse and shut the datapad off. Ren was not moving, and Hux was not going to throw the device across the room the way the knight had done with the towel. He shoved it under the pillow instead and ordered the lights to be set to zero percent. He usually did not sleep on his back, but with Ren’s weight keeping him in place Hux figured he was going to have to get used to it.

“Hux, can I talk to you?”

“You know I’m tired and drunk, don’t you?”

“I know, that’s why I want to ask you now. You don’t seem so…angry, when you’re drunk.”

“Imagine that…” muttered Hux.

Ren whispered against Hux’s chest, “Do you ever feel like your feelings are tearing you apart.”

“Sounds like anxiety,” said Hux, now slightly more interested. Ren had anxiety? Over what? He never acted like he was conflicted about anything. What was more, anxiety probably exasperated his lack of empathy. Not only would he refuse to accept the reasoning or emotions behind any refusal Hux gave him, but his anxiousness would heighten his desperation not to be rejected.

“I feel like that a lot,” said Ren quietly, “You know at least a little about the Force, don’t you? That there are dark and light sides?”

“I do…” replied Hux, trying to force himself to sober up for this conversation.

“I can use both. My Master wants me to keep using both. He thinks it will make me stronger, but I feel them pulling at each other. I want to choose one, but I’m afraid of losing the other, or becoming weaker…”

“That certainly sounds like anxiety,” mused Hux, more to himself than Ren.

“How do I make it stop?” asked Ren pathetically, but if Hux got no reprieve from his pain, why should the knight?

“You can stave it off by distracting yourself, but it won’t go away until your decision is irreversibly made, I think,” said Hux, “So what difference does it mean for you if you choose? A loss of certain power or abilities.”

“Something like that…” said Ren quietly.

Hux did not press for more information, and Kylo kept his mouth shut. The knight occasionally nuzzled against his chest, or pulled Hux closer, making himself comfortable, while the General splayed his limbs out in an attempt to make as little physical contact as possible. Kylo was very close to being completely on top of him. This was getting out of hand.

“I can’t breathe,” said Hux, shoving at Ren.

The knight sighed and moved off of him. Hux lay on his side facing the wall. He usually slept on his other side, facing the door with his dominant hand free in case he needed it. Nothing about this was comfortable. Ren pressed body against his back and his lips against Hux’s neck. Ren made his back shiver again, damn him. Hux was considering having a physician look into that. The sensation could not have been normal. Surely there was a pill or serum or something that could get rid of it.

“Don’t cure it, I like it,” whispered Ren, relaxed and sleepy, right up against his nape “Feels like you’re melting.”

“You would like it if I melted, wouldn’t you?” said Hux under his breath, “And I told you not to look at my thoughts. I don’t like it.”

“Only when you’re being a dick,” said Ren, squeezing them together in a tight embrace and ignoring his discomfort, “But when you’re like this…pressed against me and shivering, I’d never want you to melt away.”

He’d completely ignored Hux’s protest. Again. He was too drunk to be aggravated with the knight or disturbed by the way he liked the feeling of Hux trembling. Ren nuzzled against the General, breathing loudly through his mouth and sniffing occasionally as Hux shivered against him. Ren continued to talk to him quietly, “I really like how your hair smells, and it’s nice and soft…”

“I don’t like being called soft,” said Hux quietly.

“But you are,” said Ren, quietly, but incredulously, “No scars, nice and smooth, and your hair is light. Maybe not the way you act, but you feel soft…I love how soft you are Hux.”  

Hux sighed. It could be worse. It could have been much worse.

He did not remember falling asleep. He only realized he had done so when he woke up in the middle of the night, Ren breathing heavily against his neck, his bare arms still circling his middle. Hux berated himself for dropping his guard, thanking whatever force in the universe that was still on his side that Ren had not hand his way with him during the night. Hux had been trained to keep awake for days at a time if necessary, in case he was tracking an enemy in his sights, under duress or deployed in an area that ran on a different time cycle. He knew he ought to have been able to keep himself awake. Damn Ren. Hux was not sure how, but as usual the knight was to blame. That or the alcohol. He felt warm. The mind-numbing effect had worn off, but now he was overheated and hungover.

He remembered thinking that, and he could not recall falling asleep again until his alarm went off. Or rather, his alarm went off and Ren nearly crushed him in his surprise.

“Alarm off!” called Hux when he caught his breath. Damned Ren knocking the wind from his lungs.

Ren looked down at him apologetically. His hair was a wreck. That must have been what happened when someone slept with wet hair. Hux rolled his eyes, “It’s about five hours. You should get ready to leave.”

“You’re not on duty until eight hours,” said Ren.

“I like to exercise,” said Hux, “I also need to eat, clean myself, get rid of this hangover, dress-”

Ren lay back down on his chest, “Skip the exercise.”

“I would rather-”

“A day won’t kill you. Stay.”

Hux tried to push Ren off of him. The knight did not seem to be taking pains to hold him down. There was no pining or abuse of his power to keep Hux in place. Ren was heavy though, limp and groggy on top of him, “You need to be out of this room in an hour.”

“Ten more minutes,” said Kylo, clinging tighter.

Hux groaned and lay back. He had been certain that Ren was in his mid-twenties at most, but everything about him suggested he was an adolescent. ‘Ten more minutes.’ Hux could not recall a single time in his life when he had pleaded for ten more minutes of sleep.

“Hux?”

“What?”

“How long do you think you need?”

“For what?”

“Until you’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” demanded Hux.

Ren nuzzled against him, “You know what. You’ve sobered up, and we have almost an hour…”

Oh flux…

“Look,” said Hux, digging his datapad from underneath the pillow. He needed to think of something else, anything else. Just to show Ren how disinterested he was. He shook his head as he checked the progress reports from storage. The chemical leak had been contained but thankfully nothing had been contaminated. The cleaning process was going a little too slowly for Hux’s liking though. He glanced down at Ren and repeated, “Look, you know I’m incapable of reciprocating whatever it is you feel for me. My mind isn’t wired for it. You’re better off finding someone who thinks the same as you.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it,” said Ren, sounding tired, “I know you like it. You said so. And I can see and feel you react. Saying you don’t like it at this point is like saying you can survive being thrown out an airlock.”

“It’s not about enjoying it, it’s about wanting it. Just because you like…” Hux trailed off trying to think of some sort of dessert, “Confectioneries doesn’t mean you want them all the time, if at all.”

“True,” said Ren quietly, “But you don’t seem like the sort who lets himself have the things he enjoys at all. I’ve been watching for a while…I know there are lots of things you like that you don’t give yourself time for. There’s a difference between delayed gratification and no gratification at all.”

Ren’s hand trailed down his side, then back up before settling across his chest. Hux tried his best to ignore it and concentrate on work, but it was hot against him, only separated by a thin shirt. He also tried to forget what the knight had said about watching him for a while. How long? Weeks? Months? Since the beginning? Ren’s fingers plucked at the shirt like it was a stringed instrument, “You’re so pretty, Hux…you deserve to be gratified. You deserve to be pleased…”

“That’s very flattering, but I don’t want that now, I’m hungover and…” said Hux quietly, he tried to think of something to deter Kylo, “I know the Supreme Leader told you not to hurt me or interrupt my work. Surely he must have told you that you should stop if I said no.”

Ren’s hand stopped and he let out a genuinely confused, “Why would that come up? You want it, you just don’t feel ready.”

Hux paused. Nobody had told Ren what to do if he said ‘no’? Had it not come up in the conversation or did the Supreme Leader simply expect him to… No. No, that could not be it. Hux considered his devotion to the First Order full and complete, and while he knew Kylo Ren was one of their most important assets, surely he was not expected to accept this and allow it to happen. There had to have been some mistake. Just a miscommunication. He would bring it up at the next meeting. Explain that…explain…

Kylo Ren had forced himself on Hux when he was supposedly capable and strong, then manipulated him despite Hux supposedly having an iron will. It would make him seem so weak, so helpless. Hardly someone who ought to be kept in a position of command. The Supreme Leader might…

Hux decided it was best to keep quiet. If Ren wanted to pluck at his shirt, then that was fine so long as he stayed quiet and did not try to do anything else. He looked at the cleaning staff lists, only a few of them had been trained to handle chemical spills. If he wanted the spill dealt with faster he would have to get more people trained. He sent messages out for one of the senior members to hold a training session and get some of the others up to speed enough that they could handle the chemicals without hurting themselves. He glanced at the timestamp.

“Ten minutes are up. I’ll let you dress first,” said Hux, tapping Ren’s shoulder irritavly, trying to change the subject. He did not want to think about this. Think of work, think about schedules, anything but Ren’s desires, “If you don’t get ready and leave soon we’ll get caught.”  

Ren groaned. Hux called out, “Lights fifty percent.”

Ren groaned again as the lights came on, cringing against Hux’s chest. Hux prodded him, “Come on, you need to get that ridiculous armour on. You’ve already put me behind schedule.”

Ren propped himself up, one hand on either side of Hux. He should have been worried, he should have been very worried, yet all he could think was that this was what he had been unable to see last night in the dark. Kylo Ren, hair extremely mussed, eyes dark and heavy, barely awake, naked chest heaving, defined abdominal muscles Hux knew he could never achieve. The monster of a manchild leaned over him and Hux’s nerves kicked in again.

Ren kissed him on the forehead, as if Hux were a small boy, then rolled off of him unceremoniously. The General propped himself up on his elbows and watched Ren stumble towards the wash area, rubbing his eyes as he did. Sighing, Hux got out of bed. He would wait until Ren was finished before changing into his uniform, wanting to guarantee he would have some privacy when he undressed. Ren had only cut into ten minutes or so of his usual morning exercise, but he could still make the most of his remaining time.

He stretched out, did some light cardio work before getting down on the floor. It was so routine that he could have probably done all of the sets in his sleep. Arms first, then abdominals, then legs, then patterns. At this point the pre-choreographed fighting patterns were better ingrained in his mind than the face of his own father. Hux enjoyed them; the patterns, not his father. They kept his reflexes sharp, honed his instincts, and helped him get riled up for another day of…Ren’s dick.

Ren’s dick?

Hux stopped mid-pushup, staring as if he had been run through with a spear, as Ren emerged from the refresher, drenched, completely nude. Hux felt his blood run cold. Would Ren try to…? The knight either did not realize he was naked, or did not care. He seemed half awake as he used his power to call the towel he had tossed away back into his waiting hand and shut the door behind himself.

There was a list of things that Hux had hoped not to deal with today. One of those things was seeing Ren’s penis. He rolled over onto his back. If the universe had stopped trying then he bloody well was not going to try anymore either. Hux groaned. Why him? If Ren wanted to satisfy his animal urges why him? Why not wait for shore leave and hire the nearest prostitute like everyone else? Hux looked at the ceiling. That thing had been massive, for what it was, and Ren made no secret about where he wanted to put it. How was that supposed to work? Was it physically possible? If it didn’t fit would Ren try to jam it in anyways? Hux hoped Ren got bored before he got an answer to any of those questions. He did not want to think about it. He tried to distract himself from the thought of Ren ra…no, not that word, never that word. The knight might just fly off the rail and kill him.

Ren emerged some time later, fully clothed, thank goodness. He stood over Hux who stared up at the ceiling from his place on the floor. Hux closed his eyes as Ren stared down at him, “You are a horrible man.”

“You’re horrible too,” said Ren, “But I think I’ll keep you.”

“Wonderful,” groaned Hux, trying to hide how unnerved he was.

Ren crouched down to pat him on the head before making his exit. Hux growled and continued his push-ups. 

 

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

"Hux...sing me a lullaby," pleaded Ren. 

"Feck off..." grumbled Hux. 

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?" begged Ren. 

Hux sighed and pulled a guitar from hammer space.  He strummed a few chords as an intro before he began to sing, "You should go to sleep right now, and I'll tuck your body into bed." 

Ren smiled and settled against Hux's lap as he continued to sing, allowing himself to drift of slightly.  The General continued, "Be glad that you are young right now, because it just gets worse from here." 

Ren's eyes snapped open. 

Hux continued to sing, "You will encounter disappointment at every stage of your life, I promise you." 

Ren whimpered. 

"And most of your dreams will not come true, but people try to tell you that they do, oh~" 

Ren stared at Hux in abject horror. 

"You will lose close friends and relatives to cancer, and other horrible unpredictable scenarios." 

"H-Hux..." whimpered Ren. 

"Your inability to express sexual desire, will awaken in an inner genetic Arkanisian fire. These are the reasons that start people drinking.  Your Arkanisian neurosis will give you."  Hux paused before going in for a particularly high note, "Liver cirrhosis." 

"Hux please stop," pleaded Ren. 

"And then you will die because everybody dies," sang Hux. 

"Ah!" Ren cried out. 

"Life is but a fleeting string of sorrows." 

"Hux stop..." begged Ren. 

"But don't think about that right now, just close your eyes and think about angels and rainbows," finished Hux, holding on the last note sweetly before tucking the guitar back into hammer space.  Ren stared at him in horror as Hux patted him on the head and settled into bed, "Goodnight Ren." 

    ***  

Phasma heard a knock at her door.  She checked the time stamp and groaned.  Dragging herself to the door and smoothing out her bedhead, she could only guess who would be so obnoxious as to wake her at this hour.  She pressed the panel by the blast doors to open them. 

It was Kylo Ren clutching a blanket and pillow.  Because of course it was. 

"Hux's lullaby gave me an existential crisis can I sleep with you?" he pleaded quickly. 

Phasma covered her eyes with her hand and groaned.  She ought to have expected it was only a matter of time before General Hux's deranged lullabies claimed another victim. 


	8. In Stranger's Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun for me and my beta, countofeight. Creepiness ahoy!

Snoke was not pleased, and when Snoke was displeased Hux got very nervous for his position and his life. He was not pleased that the Resistance had nearly crippled the _Finalizer_. The Supreme Leader was not pleased that they had escaped. He was not pleased that the _Finalizer_ was behind on its patrols again.

Worst of all, Hux had no excuses to fall back on. He could blame Ren for not giving advanced warning, but they should have been able to pick out the ships on the radar among the asteroids. Their gunners should have been quicker. They should have made a faster pursuit. All Hux could do was pray that the Supreme Leader was in a good enough mood to not have him reposted to the Outer Rim.

“Master,” Ren’s voice broke in before the hologram of Snoke could hand down his judgement, “General Hux was gravely injured during the attack on the _Finalizer_.”

Hux’s eyes, which had been fixed ahead as he tried not to betray fear, snapped open wide as he rounded on Ren. The knight’s mask was on, Hux had no idea what he was doing or thinking. He wanted to strangle Ren. Was this some sort of powerplay? Trying to show Hux once again just how weak and incapable he was? No, he reminded himself, Ren did not want to jepardize his command. That was what he was using to coerce him into their strange and unsettling relationship. So what was he…?

Was Ren attempting to stand up for him?

Hux might not have minded if the person Ren was defending him to anyone other than the Supreme Leader. If Ren said something subversive here it would not help either of them.  

The massive hologram darkened. Hux, nerves getting the better of him, began to protest, “It’s nothing, Supreme Leader, I am fit for-”

“That isn’t for you to decide General.”

Hux felt the air around himself become colder. Was this the Supreme Leader’s presence? The chill coupled with the enormous vision towering over him was terrifying. More terrifying than Ren and all his antics. He couldn’t look away from the monstrous form long enough to glare at Ren, but he send what rage he could summon in the knight’s direction and hoped he could feel every ounce of it. If Ren’s stupid outburst had just cost him his command…

“You will rejoin the main fleet under Grand Admiral Tarkin. She will lead an attack on the New Republic.”

A blessing and a curse. The _Finalizer_ was still his to command, Ren had not foiled that for him. On the other hand, he was going to be placed under the temporary command of Admiral Helmeena ‘The Hell Raiser’ Tarkin. His ship was his own, but he would be taking direct orders from a CO again, like a common underling. He kept his disgust under control, especially for Helmeena Tarkin. Her pedigree was excellent, the grandniece of one of the Old Empire’s finest leaders, The Grand Moff himself, all of her other family lines coming from prestigious Imperial families. Every drop of blood in her veins represented the finest the First Order had to offer.

It was really too bad that Tarkin was completely insane.

She had been secretly sent to reconditioning three times in her career for an inability to conform, and each time she came back she had been more incorrigible than when she was sent away. Her superiors were forced to give up because it was not working, and Helmeena’s presence was too valuable of a propaganda tool to have her executed. Instead, she was sent on suicide missions, her superiors not knowing what other use such an unruly officer might be put to. Helmeena came back alive every time, and by the age of nineteen she had more confirmed kills in her record than most officers in their forties and fifties.

Her reputation for courage and mercilessness spread. Her superiors kept her under lock and key, fearing what her rash and violent ways would do to the fledgling Order’s image. She was like Kylo Ren, after a manner, though fortunately she did not have the Force at her disposal. She rose through the ranks on her accomplishments and fame. She was a celebrity in all the First Order systems. Women believed she was something to be aspired to, idealistic men thought that she could be cured of her battle-lust with tender love and care, the Resistance imagined that she bathed in the blood of baby Ewoks. The Resistance was probably the closest to being correct.

And she was the one leading the charge against the Republic fleet. If Hux knew Admiral Hell Raiser like he thought he did, there was a high probability that she would just order all ships to crash into the opposing fleet and kill everyone in a blaze of glory.

“Yes Supreme Leader,” said Hux, “I will report to her immediately.”

“Do not allow yourself to be delayed again General.”

Hux felt his blood run cold, “Yes Supreme Leader.”

He knew when he was being dismissed. He turned on his heels and walked towards the door, staring down into the abyss on either side of him. His ears burned with humiliation. So Ren’s silly infatuation was not going to put a damper on their rivalry. Hux was not sure if he was glad for that or not. At any rate, he had to prepare to deal with not one, but two overgrown children. He hoped against hope that Admiral Hell Raiser had calmed down since their last encounter. She had to be twenty-five by now.

As the blast doors began to close behind, Hux heard the Supreme Leader speak,

“It is good that you have begun to indulge in your desires.”

Hux stopped. Ren’s desire, he knew what that meant. Or at least he thought he did. Worried that he was involved somehow, Hux considered opening the blast doors again, although doing so could be nothing but foolish. Still, he wanted to say something. The Supreme Leader might not know he was unwilling. Ren might be feeding him lies about their dynamic. It was a reckless thing to do or think, but Hux wanted to charge back in and expound upon what Ren had done. The knight might not be severely punished, he was still needed, but surely, surely the Supreme Leader would give some sort of reprimand.

If he did not chastise Hux for showing weakness first.

Hux balled his fists and walked away, hoping that Ren had some other desire that needed sorting out with the Supreme Leader. His stomach began knotting itself again as he stalked off and tried to convince himself he had not heard anything at all.

* * *

 

“It is good that you have begun to indulge in your desires.”

Kylo could never recall exactly when he had become aware of his Master’s presence. Sometimes he thought that Snoke had always been there, like air or water, a thing that was always present but was never given much mind. Other times he was fairly certain it was when he was a young child, four or five perhaps. He could never put an exact date on when their communication started.

In fact, Kylo had not been aware that Snoke was a person for quite some time. For quite a few years he had thought his Master was nothing more than a voice that came to him when he was alone, which was often. The voice was there, even when nobody else was, when everyone had sent him away or left him behind, he had that voice to talk to, to comfort him, give him advice and watch over him. It was not until later that the voice revealed himself as a person, someone who wanted to help him become stronger and told him the darkness within him was not something to be frightened or ashamed of.

Nobody else ever understood him the way his Master had. He was the only one who ever said his anger was something natural and he was not to blame for it. And when he was alone and upset, his Master would tell him how right he was to be angered with being left behind, no matter what he was told by others about greater goods. He had thought that he was selfish for wanting company, but his Master assured him that this was hardly the case.

And when he became older, when he became aware of how limiting and weak the light was, he could draw on his Master’s wisdom. He had always been there, and continued to guide him.

“Yes, he has become more pliant,” replied Kylo. He continued. His Master had always encouraged him to be open, and Kylo eagerly complied. Few had shown much interest in his thoughts and feelings before Snoke. No one had wanted to listen the way his Master did. “Before it was frustrating. He refused to admit his own desires. I kiss him and hold him now, when he is not attending his duties, of course.”

“General Hux is of great service to the First Order and must not be distracted from his tasks. It is important that you bear this in mind,” his Master reminded him.

“I will,” said Kylo obediently. He gazed up at his Master’s hologram through his visor, “May I tell you more about him?” In his thoughts he sent feelings of humility, deference tinged with longing. Snoke knew that he ws the only one that Kylo wanted to discuss these matters with. There was no one else.  

“It is good for an apprentice to be transparent with their Master.”

Snoke gave a lofty, almost elegant wave of his thin hand before settling back into the chair - perhaps a throne - that he sat in. He looked at Kylo, gave him his full attention, let him speak about whatever he wanted and always listened carefully. Kylo removed his helmet so they could look at each other, to give his master still more transparency.

“You know that I…touched him, after the last time we spoke,” said Kylo, “I did not intend to distract him and will not hinder him in his duties again. I was curious about him.”

“And you gave in to your curiosity,” observed Snoke, “Has it cleared your mind?”

“It has made me less frustrated,” admitted Kylo. He smiled quietly to himself, “Did you know he was so soft?”

“I was unaware,” replied Snoke.

“He is. His skin and hair are like silk,” said Kylo wistfully.  He concentrated on the memories, recalling the feel of the General's skin and hair beneath his fingertips, “His lips are soft too, and he smells so good.”

“Does his presence bring you closer to darkness?” inquired Snoke.

“He does…in fact, I envy him,” confessed Kylo. He felt slightly ashamed to say it, but the fact remained that despite being ignorant of the Force and not being able to feel it, the dark energy that moved through Hux was pure and thick. There was not even a speck of light to be found. He sighed, “His energy is purely dark. He inspires fear and anger wherever he goes. While I am…”

“It is important that you pursue both paths,” said Snoke, “But do not imagine your suffering has gone unobserved. I am aware of your struggle, Lord Ren. I know the pains you take to become stronger. It is a heavy burden to bear.”

Of course his Master knew. Kylo had told him many times, but it felt good to be reassured. He watched the hologram, sitting before him, lofty and powerful. His Master was ready to listen to him, to guide him, and give him the tools he needed to succeed and be happy. More importantly, while others had left, pursuing this all important ‘greater good,’ his Master had stayed with him.

“He makes it easier. When I feel the light becoming too strong, I think about him,” said Kylo, “And I think about how the light would never let me have him.”

“They never knew how to approach your feelings,” noted Snoke.

Kylo smiled up at him appreciatively. His Master understood him so well.

“He agreed to be mine,” said Kylo, “When he was injured I cared for him. I kiss him, when he lets me. He invited me to sleep beside him. The light would never allow any of that.”

“It would not,” agreed Snoke. He brought a hand to his mouth thoughtfully, “And it would not allow for any of your darker desires either.”

His Master knew about all his wants and desires. Kylo dutifully confided them all in his Master. His desires and feelings made him stronger. His Master validated them all, assured him they were worth pursuing. It made him feel better, stronger, and less alone. Hux had done the same the other night, giving a name to his feelings that he had not heard of before. The feeling of being torn apart by two things in his mind was called ‘anxiety.’ Hux had been so affectionate. It was too bad he had been drunk.

“I want to do many things to him,” said Kylo. He paused, his voice becoming quieter, “Did you know he’s a virgin?”

“His projections on the topic are…unsubtle,” his Master admitted.

Kylo was frankly surprised so few people suspected it. When he thought back on it, it was fairly obvious. Hux gave himself no time for anything remotely entertaining, so it stood to reason that he abstained from sex as well. Kylo thought of him, all covered up in his uniform, hiding all his softness and delicacy underneath it. Whenever it was exposed he tried to hide it, cover up any sign of what might be interpreted as weakness under a symbol of strength. His modesty had been especially stunning in the medical bay. His fingers had been trembling nervously with his blue eyes cast downwards as he fumbled to cover the ivory white of his throat from Kylo’s view.

“That means he’ll be mine alone. I get to show him pleasure. And he’s so soft…” Kylo trailed off before continuing his confession, “Sometimes I get impatient. He’s making me wait.”

“Is he?” asked Snoke.

“He’s stubborn, and he’s figured out how to resist, in his own way. He can’t use the Force, but he draws on memories and his natural senses. For someone like him, he’s very strong. Of course, he can’t fight back if I hold him down and…” Kylo grinned wider, “…when I do hold him down, the way he blushes and squirms is beautiful.”

His Master seemed to consider that. Kylo had as well. It was the first time someone without the Force had flung a painful or shocking thought at him. He was used to panicking, desperate feelings and physical struggling, but Hux had been the first to weaponize his mind and memories. It figured he would be able to do that. For as long as he had known Hux, which had not been long, admittedly, barely a year, he had always been clever. Infuriatingly so. He could recall information and memories with ease. He seemed to know everything and could learn more and more without ever seeming to lose or forget anything. Kylo had always hated people like that. He struggled with his ability to focus, have a clear mind and absorb knowledge. People like Hux who were controlled, level-headed and frighteningly intelligent made him angry and jealous. He had wanted to be that. He had wanted to be good once and make everyone proud. He had always fallen short.

He knew he had failed because they always left him. Then they sent him away. They would have kept him if he had been good.

Though Hux was not exactly what most would call ‘good.’

“Do you force him?” inquired Snoke.

“No, I don’t want that,” said Kylo quickly. He did not want to rape Hux. He would never rape Hux. Hux was pure and beautiful, even if he could be exasperating. He deserved better than that.  Something as beautiful as Hux ought to be properly cared for and cherished.  He was so pretty. He reminded Kylo of…of a doll. He remembered some girls playing with one a long time ago. Hux looked like a delicate blue-eyed doll. He was fine-boned with pristine pale skin, not blotted with moles like Kylo’s own skin. He had never liked his moles, or his nose…or his ears when he thought about it.

He had been envious of Hux before. He had such a delicate face. His lips were full and enchantingly pink, his eyes were blue and striking, and of course his hair, shockingly red against the black of his uniform added to his loveliness. There had been many days when he could not decide if he wanted to pepper the General’s lips with kisses or split them open under his fist. He had been so pretty and Kylo had always been so plain and awkward looking. Just the sight of him, proud and pretty, in perfect control, had been enough to drive Kylo to anger. Eventually though, kissing had won out, and Kylo was glad that it had. Hux’s lips were soft and plush against his when the General held still for him and meekly accepted all of his kisses.

Hux seemed to care nothing for looks though. He said he was not attracted to anyone, Kylo included. Knowing that Hux didn’t care what he looked like actually made him feel better, but there was always the nagging, needling fear that Hux might suddenly become attracted to someone who looked better. Hux was so beautiful he could have anyone on the ship, if he wanted. But apparently he didn’t. He had said so. He had also said he liked how Kylo made him feel good. That part had required some badgering though. Hux was unbelievably stubborn, but the General had admitted it. Kylo had had to hold him down and show him a security reel of him shivering in his arms before Hux would concede that, yes, he had enjoyed the physical contact Kylo had given him, and then proceeded to make a fuss. Kylo smiled slightly. Hux had felt good when he had shivered in his arms

“I want him to ask me,” explained Kylo, “My desire is for him to succumb to me. I want him to bare himself and ask me…no, I want him to beg me to take him. I want him to give in to his cravings, submit and lose control.

“I…it’s strange. I want to treat him gently, because he’s so soft and scared. I want to be kind and tender because he deserves love and care. He’s been alone and unloved for so long. But then…I want to corrupt him. Every time I think about how pure and restrained he is I want to tear him down until he’s broken and begging.” Kylo paused, searching for the correct words. His Master waited patiently. He always waited and was ready to listen, “He’s naïve. He’s sensitive to touch. I do want to be gentle with him, but…he has a bit of a temper underneath all his stoic posturing…”

“General Hux is still a valued asset to the First Order. It is good for you to indulge your desires, but he must remain alive and functional,” his Master reminded him gently, though it still sounded loud with the way Snoke’s voice filled the nearly empty chamber.  

“He will,” promised Kylo. He looked up at his Master and confessed, “I have another desire.”

“Go on,” said his Master, ready to listen.

“I want to name him,” said Kylo, “He doesn’t have a real one. He told me a number. CO…CO-14…CO-1413. I didn’t know that before, but now that I do I want to give him a name.”

Snoke seemed thoughtful. “It would be difficult to officially change his designation, though if you wish to call him by a different name in private, it is of no consequence,” assured his Master, “Do you wish to learn more about him?”

“Y-Yes,” Kylo said with a slight gasp.

“Your position grants you clearance to look at the files of any member of the First Order,” his Master reminded him.

Kylo vaguely recalled Hux explaining that while briefing him during their first meeting. He had not been paying much attention, admittedly. Kylo had been alternately marvelling at the shade of Hux’s hair and resisting the desire to strangle the General with the Force to make him stop talking about rules and protocol. But now that he had remembered, he certainly could do that. The file was probably filled with formal, impersonal things, such as his grades from school, reports on any missions he had been involved in, medical records, possibly a list of relatives if Hux had bothered appointing anyone his next-of-kin. He didn’t mind, though, if that were all there was to find. Anything he could learn about Hux was something he wanted to know.

The medical records especially interested him. Technology made most procedures non-invasive - most medical exams did not even require a doctor to make physical contact with a patient - but there were exceptions. He wondered if any doctors might have touched _his_ Hux. If any of them had made the General’s back light up with shivers. Maybe while monitoring a possible heart condition, making Hux lie down, opening his shirt and placing sensors on his skin. Maybe someone had needed to examine his throat. Kylo became jealous at the thought of someone else tilting Hux’s chin back and gently massaging his glands to check for abnormalities. Hux loved it when Kylo had touched his neck, sending all those shivers through his body. The idea of anyone else giving his General pleasure was…

He remembered a nurse carding through his Hux’s hair while he was unconscious, apparently checking to see if the wound he had received had closed properly. Kylo had thought she was being professional until he caught her thinking about it after the fact. She had been thinking of how soft and bright his General’s hair had been and how peaceful he had seemed. She had even thought about how plush his lovely pink lips had looked. It made Kylo sick remembering it, but he had showed the offender how wrong she was to touch and think about what did not belong to her.

Worse than that though was the Resistance. They had hurt Hux. Their attack had injured him. He had bled so much. Kylo could still clearly recall the dazed look in Hux’s eyes, pupils wide as he touched the back of his head and drew a bloodied hand in front of his face, awestruck by the way his fingers rubbed against each other. He remembered Hux laying on the floor, blood oozing freely out of the back of his head as he babbled nonsensically, the colour draining from his face and staining the tiles beneath him. Kylo had really thought Hux was going to die right there in his arms.

“I care deeply for him,” said Kylo, “I don’t want anyone else to touch him, or hurt him…the Resistance hurt him. I was so angry…I want to make them pay. You say we will attack the Hosnian system soon. I can fight them. I have so much anger, I could do it.”

His Master considered him, “Battle arrangements will be left to Grand Admiral Tarkin, her General, and General Hux.”

“He’ll let me, I’m sure of it,” said Kylo, “He hates the Resistance. He’ll want me to make them suffer. If I kill them I can…perhaps he might…he’ll be grateful to me. It would very much please me if he was grateful to me.”

His Master continued to consider him, mulling over everything that he had heard. Kylo waited for his reply eagerly. Finally Snoke observed, “The Resistance never has wanted your happiness, have they.”

“No,” agreed Kylo, bitterly recalling memories of a so-called loving family made of so-called heroes, “They haven’t.”

* * *

 

“Huxy! How are you doing you test-tube-baby bastard?”

Admiral Helmeena Tarkin’s hologram sat in her chair in the meeting room. Mitaka, who was seeing her for the first time seemed surprised, like he was trying to figure out if he was disappointed or not. Helmeena was a small woman with a stocky build and long, wild curls of auburn hair spilling over her shoulders. Her tunic was thrown open, brazenly showing off her breastband, and rather than jodhpurs she wore outlandish leggings with every manner of knife and tool strapped to them. She was a beautiful young woman, but she looked wild, dangerous, and decidedly unhinged.

“I’m well Admiral. I’ve been given orders to join you in your assault on the Republic’s Fleet.”

“Heard about it already. Also heard you whacked your head pretty hard. Soon you’ll be as mad as everyone else!” said Helmeena, letting out a bark of laughter.

Hux’s brow furrowed. Her eyes were strangely dilated. One pupil was much larger than the other. Drugs? Excitement? An injury? Poor lighting? None of these would have surprised him. He ignored it, and tried very hard not to think about the impact that whatever it was might have on their strategy. It would not have been the first time Grand Admiral Hell Raiser had gone into battle while under the influence of something that was almost assuredly non-medicinal. “Do you have a plan of attack?”

“Figured I’d leave it to you, Huxy,” said the Admiral, cupping her chin in her palm and leaning over onto it.

“Me, ma’am?” asked Hux, hiding his relief beneath surprise.

“Why not? You make the strategy, I plan on taking their flagship myself singlehandedly. I’ll leave the boring details to you.”

How in hell had this woman become an admiral? Hux knew that it was admiralship almost in title only, for the sake of moral, but the idea of this immature brat having any sort of power within the Order was a farce. Symbolism of fighting under an Admiral Tarkin be damned. She had jumped through the ranks, from private to lieutenant to admiral on some merit yes, but she was clearly a better infantryman than she was a manager of personnel or strategist. Names and bloodlines aside, she ought to have been kept where she was of the most tactical use.

“You’ve nobody on board who has thought of a strategy?” asked Hux disbelievingly. Tarkin had a number of capable officers and tacticians under her command. It was impossible that not a single one of them had…

“Oh, yeah, probably, but I’m more a tactician myself. I like to see how things are going before I make any real plans,” explained Tarkin, “I’ll have someone send you all the boring bits. You do what you do best and I’ll do what I do best.”

“Which is, ma’am?” asked Hux.

“Kicking ass and taking names!” laughed the Admiral. She glanced at Mitaka, “And who’s this poor sod?”

“Lieutenant Mitaka,” replied the lieutenant, saluting smartly, “It’s an honour to work under your command Admiral Tarkin.”

She looked back at Hux, pointing to Mitaka, “I just got this fascinating little hook from Tatooine that could rip his brains out clean through his nostrils.”  

“Please don’t do that Ma’am,” said Hux dryly as Mitaka flinched.

“There’s that sense of humour! Classic Huxy!” laughed Tarkin, throwing her head back and slapping her thigh, “Well I’ll be seeing you soon enough. Remind me to drink you under the table when we get the time!”

“I look forward to it immensely,” said Hux, lying through his teeth.

“Right-o, Tarkin out!”

Mitaka looked over at Hux. He did not say a word, but his expression spoke for him. His illusions of the beauteous if unrefined Helmeena Tarkin had been shattered. Hux sighed, “Lieutenant, if anyone asks, Admiral Helmeena Tarkin is wise beyond her years, beauteous beyond her wisdom, and charming beyond her beauty.”

The lieutenant nodded hesitantly.

“That’s an order lieutenant,” said Hux gravely, “If it gets out that the immaculate maiden the First Order has decided to use as a figurehead is a homicidal maniac, you can imagine what it would do for our image in the eyes of our allies and enemies.”

“Yes sir,” said Mitaka, “But, sir, can I ask, is she well sir?”

“As well as we can hope for,” said Hux, recalling the unequal pupils, “Mitaka, I’m telling you this because you’ll have the bridge while I am with the Admiral. If something happens to me, you will have command of the _Finalizer_ and Admiral Tarkin will work with you in my stead. Can I trust you to be up to the task Lieutenant?”

“Yes sir,” replied Mitaka, significantly less disappointed.

Hux nearly grinned, “Don’t get used to having the bridge to yourself Lieutenant.”

* * *

 

The diary recovered from the abandoned Resistance base had been translated and Hux scanned the copy that had been delivered to him as he lay in bed. The author, a woman, judging from the handwriting, mostly scratched down odd little notes. It was not such an uncommon thing to do. Many soldiers kept diaries to count the days and stave off boredom.

_Had blue milk with dinner. It had curdled a little._

_Lost many allies. Will miss them. Why won’t the Empire die off?_

_Observed a supernova. There can still be beauty in the world._

_Received word from mother. She worries about us._  

Nothing terribly useful at all.

Hux read and reread it none the less, looking for patterns, checking the language being used carefully. If there was a code contained within the little entries he wanted to at least try to crack it. Checking the entries with the dates and matching them up with current events, everything fit well enough. It was not as if events were made up to convey some hidden meaning. The only odd bit was that the message from ‘mother’ coincided with when General Organa must have contacted them. If ‘mother’ was the General, than the diary did reveal some interesting, if useless, details.

_Mother sent us a gift. She wants us to stay safe._

_Saw mother today. She seemed sad._

_Mother asked if we had seen Ben. No news yet._

Ben was the only person mentioned by name, and Hux had a good guess as to whom they were referring. Ben Solo-Organa had died before Kylo Ren’s assault on the newly established Jedi Academy, though a body had never been recovered and there had been no evidence of a funeral taking place for him. Perhaps Ben Solo still wandered the Galaxy as an amnesiac. Perhaps it was just a ruse to try to get the First Order to go on a wild Nerf hunt for the supposedly missing boy. Still, what an awful thing to see one’s own bloodline snuffed out. General Organa was too old to bear more children, and her husband and brother deserted her. The Resistance was truly made up of the lowest sort of people if its esteemed champions were so quick to abandon their leader.

Hux absentmindedly set his hand down where Ren had been resting the previous night. It had not been irredeemably awful. Hux had learned that he liked having a warm body next to him, provided that it was not Ren’s. He also learned Ren disliked it when he was drunk, which would come in handy next time the knight decided he wanted intimacy.

He tried to focus on the immediate future. Ren was still a nuisance. Admiral Tarkin was still a madwoman. Kylo Ren and Helmeena Tarkin were going to be a mad nuisance for the foreseeable future. Hux ordered the lights to zero percent again and pretended he was surrounded by sane and competent people.

 

* * *

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

 

“And he has the cutest nose and pretty eyes and I wanna braid his hair and…” Kylo gushed, lying on his stomach and kicking his legs in the air idly.

“These desires don’t seem particularly dark…” noted Snoke.

“Well, yeah, I have those too,” admitted Kylo, getting to his feet.

“I’m sure the General will be more than willing…you know what they say about redheads,” said Snoke, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, “Huh?”

“Ah, I get it,” said Kylo, grinning and nodding. He and his Master laughed and high-fived before Kylo concluded, “They’re witches.”

Snoke stopped, “What?”

“Redheads are witches. Hux kind of looks like a wizard, don’t you think?” said Kylo.

“What? No, that wasn’t what I meant at all,” protested Snoke. He made some suggestive hand gestures and repeated, “You know what they say about redheads…in bed.”

“Oh…” said Kylo, before replying, “He’s a vampire.”

“What? No!”

“He doesn’t have a soul?”

“No…”

“The souls he steals become freckles.”

“Ugh…no…”

“He needs more anesthetic during surgery than blonds and brunettes?”

“…no…”

“Oh, I know, he has cholera!”

“No!” thundered Snoke, “He’s insatiable and licentious!”

Kylo stared up at Snoke ponderously, “I don’t know what those words mean.”

Snoke groaned before exclaiming, “He! Wants! The! D!”

“Oooooooooh,” said Kylo, pounding his fist against the palm of his hand, “I get it. I’ll go give him the D right now.”

“Good,” said Snoke, his hologram dissolving so he could go back to watching Golden Girls reruns because he is old as balls and could have sworn he saw Bea Arthur at a Cantina on Tatooine that one time…

   ***  

Hux saw Kylo burst through the blast doors and charge towards him, “Hux, the Supreme Leader said you are insatiable and licentious!”

Hux slapped Kylo across the face. Undetered, Kylo continued, “So I’ve come to give you the D!”

“Kylo, no, don’t you dare try to-!”

Kylo took Hux’s hand and slipped a bottle of vitamin D supplements into it, curling Hux’s fingers around the bottle and giving it a gentle pat, “Redheads have trouble absorbing vitamin D from the sun, so make sure you take these every day with food so you can have healthy teeth and bones.”

Kylo left Hux on the bridge, holding the bottle and looking very confused. He skipped down the halls and saw Phasma, “Hey Phasma, guess what? I just gave General Hux the D on the bridge in front of everyone. I’m such a good boyfriend!~”

Phasma groaned and began to bang her behelmeted head repeatedly against the nearest wall.


	9. But the Devil Take That Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylux Big Bang has passed and I am probably going to have to spend the next few days going through messages and comments. I will get to all of them (promise) but I've been pretty swamped lately and working on a secret project. 
> 
> Special thanks to countofeight as always, and also to KyloReam who gave me the idea for this chapter's bonus stupidity. If you don't get the joke, please go read the masterpiece that is My Immortal the Harry Potter fanfic.

“You’re angry with me.”

“I’m always angry with you.”

Hux had not forgiven Ren for telling the Supreme Leader about his injury. Any information that portrayed Hux as vulnerable was to be kept closely guarded, but Ren had just blurted it out like it was nothing, like he had been doing him a _favor_ , somehow. It was bad enough that there had been so many setbacks, but the Supreme Leader’s knowledge of his brain injury on top of it all could have put his command of the ship in jeopardy. He had been specifically bred and trained for his intelligence, and if that was compromised he would be useless to everyone. It was not something that would be easily forgotten or forgiven. It never had been in the past. They had been rivals for power, and still were it seemed.

Just as Hux still refused to think about overhearing the Supreme Leader talk about desires.

“He had a right to know you had been injured,” argued Ren, “In case you needed further medical care.”

“This isn’t the time,” said Hux sharply, “We meet with Admiral Tarkin’s fleet in less than twenty-four hours. I have to form a stratagem on the scant intelligence she provided me with, for soldiers whose abilities I am barely acquainted with.”

Ren stalked Hux back to his quarters. Hux had ordered the course to be set. With any luck there would be no setbacks. Most pirates and smuggler types left them alone. Only the Resistance seemed foolhardy enough to attack a Star Destroyer. Hux figured his time could be best spent focusing on their upcoming engagement.

If the Republic was pushed back from this system it would deal a great blow to the Resistance. They would have one less system and government backing them. It would setback their funds, infrastructure and moral. With such scant resources their fall would be inevitable. It would not be long after that, if all went as planned, that the First Order would receive the Resistance’s unconditional surrender.

In the meantime, Ren was still stalking him. He had expected Ren to be withdrawn, the way he usually was when he approached Hux outside a professional capacity. Though Hux had to admit he had become bolder, Ren still tended to fidget and look away when asking for affection. This was different. Ren seemed focused, intense. His words were a quick staccato punctuated with sarcasm. Perhaps he was angry that Hux had the gall to be upset with him.

“General,” said Ren from behind his mask.

“I have one chance to save face with the Supreme Leader, I want to be in top form, and I don’t want to be distracted,” warned Hux, “Before I’m your plaything, I’m a General, now leave me alone so I can do my job.”

Hux pressed the control panel and opened a set of blast doors. Ren placed a hand over top of his, sealing the door shut, “I looked at your file. What is Admiral Tarkin to you?”

“The same as you, a pain in the neck,” snapped Hux, “Now will you please let me-”

Ren slammed a hand dangerously close to the side of Hux’s face, “When were you going to tell me you were engaged!?”

So that was it…

Hux’s brow knitted in frustration, “I’m listed as a tentative candidate. One of many potential partners. That’s not an engagement. She’s my superior officer, as loathe as I am to admit it, that’s all.”

“You want to marry this woman,” accused Ren. The wall buckled under the Force and his palm.

“I won’t deny it would be politically advantageous, but of course I don’t want to be bound to that-” said Hux calmly.

Ren’s free hand flew to his Lightsaber. Activating and drawing it in one swift motion he buried savagely it into the wall on the opposite side of Hux’s head. Hux’s blue-green eyes went wide at the sight, his calm finally breaking. He had not felt the heat since he had tried to use the weapon against Ren. It was radiating hot, scalding against his cheek and Hux could hear the metal in the wall hissing and melting.

Ren’s empty hand went from the wall to Hux’s throat, “You’re _mine_ , not _hers_!”

Hux had been anticipating that Ren would say something along those lines eventually, but he had not been expecting it at that moment. He looked around himself. If he could stun Ren, he might be able to get through the door and seal it from the other side. If he could get to his quarters and barricade himself inside he might be able to wait until Ren’s tantrum had blown over. The trick was defending against that Lightsaber. Hux ought to have studied more about that. He had been too focused on the Force and Ren’s physical prowess.

Though none of that was possible with the bloody Force was holding him in place. His mind defensively reverted to sarcasm as Hux thought _, I might have known_. Why should Ren start giving him advantages and quarter now?

“Kylo, let go,” said Hux, trying to stay calm.

“She doesn’t care about you!” Ren shouted, moving closer, his mask nearly pressed against Hux’s face, “She can’t have you! You’re mine!”

Was Ren even listening to himself? Hux tried to remain calm but he could feel his eyes widening and his mouth going dry as he tried to remain stoic. Heat continued to assault the side of his face, feeling like it might singe his brows and lashes if that crossguard got any closer to his face. Hux spoke slowly, clearly, trying to make the situation as transparent as he could, “It would be for morale’s sake, nothing but propaganda. I’ve been informed Grand Admiral Tarkin will select a partner from a list of officers of good breeding and standing within the First Order. I have no say in the matter. If the order is given I have to-”

“I would crush them!” shouted Ren.

“Listen to yourself!” said Hux, pressing further against the wall, “You’re talking about disobeying orders. The Supreme Leader would be displeased with you. Furious even.”

That had some effect, but the knight was still breathing heavily. He growled, “You lied to me.”

“You never asked,” said Hux, swallowing nothing and looking Ren’s armour and robes over for places he could grab or strike, “You might have thought to ask before you started to…”

Hux could not bring himself to finish the sentence. Molest. Assault. He could not say the words out loud. There were always cameras. Someone was probably watching, they could read his lips. He would have to go to security later, have a gag order placed on whoever saw this, delete the footage before anyone else saw him being assau-

“You can’t call it _that_ if you liked it!” snapped Ren, driving the Lightsaber deeper, almost to the hilt, “You agreed to give yourself to me! You slept beside me! _You_ wanted _me_!”

Hux thanked whatever gods were out there that this hallway’s security cameras did not have audio linked up. A small privilege afforded to officers who lived nearby. It seemed nearly impossible to communicate his disinterest in a way that would make sense in whatever delusion Ren had conjured for himself. Hux had made an offer, yes, because he had been trying to prevent a catastrophe. He doubted Ren would allow himself to see it that way.

The Lightsaber deactivated and Hux was thankful to feel something that was not a small furnace blazing next to his face. He winced as the hot barrel of the weapon was placed against his throat. It was strange how death seemed to scare him much less than the possibility of being raped. So this was how it was going to end. Hux was disappointed, but hardly surprised. At least Ren was going to allow him to die a virgin.

“Ren,” said Hux evenly, “Put that away, or I won’t allow you to accompany me.”

Hux could not have gleaned an expression from Ren’s features with the mask in the way. He did not need to. He could feel Ren’s anger in his head, pressing against him, being used to hold him down. He was starting to understand the Dark link to emotions a little better now. He continued, “Put it down, and you can come with me. You’re stationed with Captain Phasma but I can say I need you with me on the _Helden_ with Tarkin. You can see for yourself that this is nothing to be concerned about.”

At least that way Ren’s temper could be put to some use as a pseudo-bodyguard, and if he attacked someone, he was an independent agent. It would hardly be Hux’s problem. If the situation escalated and Ren murdered the Admiral, it might even be beneficial to his career. Less people in the way on his path up the hierarchy. That was of course if Ren decided not to jab him in the throat with a laser sword.

“You’re mine,” growled Ren. He jabbed the hilt in harder, _“Say it.”_

If the alternative was being stabbed in the neck…

“I’m yours,” said Hux quietly, though unable to mask his contempt.

Ren pulled back, hooking the saber back into his belt. With a wave of his hand Hux regained use of his limbs. Hux ordered himself not to hit Ren, not to shoot him, not ask Admiral Tarkin if he could borrow that strange hook of hers. It was hard to believe this was the same Ren who had curled up on his chest like a child and silently pleaded to have his hair stroked. Just how far did this mania of his go? The man was very clearly unwell. He would have never passed the psych-evaluation to become a proper soldier.

“I…I didn’t mean it,” said Ren quietly, “But you tricked me. I didn’t want to scare you but you made me do it. You’re not allowed to hide things like that from me Hux.”

The knight apologetically caressed where the hot saber had made contact with Hux’s skin. Hux closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. It felt a little hot, but it was hardly a burn that would require medical attention. It would likely not even leave a mark. Hux tried to process what he had heard. ‘You’re not allowed.’ Ren was giving him an order and expected obedience. Ren was trying to dictate what information he could and could not keep to himself. Ren sighed before he let go. He had lost his nerve, again, and began his usual whining, “I…I apologized so…so you can’t be angry. Stop…stop looking at me like that. You’re the one who was lying.”

“You don’t give me orders,” said Hux lowly.

“Just say you aren’t angry. I’ll leave, but I need to hear it,” insisted Ren, pressing against him, bringing a hand up to caress his face, drawing a thumb across Hux’s scowling lips. He whispered, “I don’t want a fight…I don’t want you to be angry. I’ll ignore the fact that you lied so…just pretend I didn’t…Hux I’d never hurt you…”  

“I’m not angry…” seethed Hux, adding privately to himself, ‘…I’m kriffing livid.’

Ren smoothed Hux’s hair back into place, sighing with relief and frustration. He turned, his cape snapping with the movement and stalked away, leaving Hux alone near the blast doors and seared metal. Hux thrust his palm against the panel more aggressively than he meant to and strode through the blast doors. Confident. As if nothing had happened. He had a strategy to think up. Damn Tarkin and her tardiness with getting details to him. Tarkin, he would think about Tarkin and ships, not Ren. Anything but Ren.

 

* * *

 

Hux’s quarters were a mess of datapads and holo projections. He walked about the room, rearranging ships and formations as it suited him. They would engage the Republic Fleet at their heaviest blockade, which meant they would be taking a defensive formation. Their flagship would be at the rear, protected. Their battleships would also be equipped with heavy shields. Aside from dogfighting, their TIE fighters might well be useless against their shields. If they could find a way to lower the shields that would be an advantage, but any EMP weapons would likely affect their own equipment as well.

They could lure out ships in small numbers, bait them with an easy target, then envelop and surround them on all sides with fire. That might work once or twice, but the Republic’s tacticians would no doubt catch onto it quickly and stop taking the bait after one, maybe two uses of that method. Three if they were lucky. Flanking would be a good option, but with no cover it would be difficult to surprise them. No matter how Hux looked at it, someone would spot them and turn before they could deal damage to the more vulnerable parts of the ships.

A soft musical tone came from the panel by the door. Hux went over to it, walking through the holographic ships as he passed. He pressed the receiver and irately asked, “Yes?”

“This is Sub-Lieutenant Flax.”

“Is there an emergency?” asked Hux.

“No…”

“Then I don’t want to be bothered. Dismissed.”

“Sir, it’s about Lord Ren’s assault on your person in the -”

“Dismissed!” said Hux more sharply.

So she knew. Hux should have guessed it would only be a matter of time before Ren lost his temper and caught the security chief’s attention. It was partially his own damned fault for demanding Flax’s people be more vigilant and report every little disturbance, especially Kylo Ren related ones. Luckily with no audio, and Ren’s mouth being covered, there ought to be no way for Flax to piece together what the knight’s exact intentions had been. She might assume it was a fight, Ren losing his temper again. Perhaps the camera had been at such an angle that nobody had seen Ren stroking his face and hair again.

“Yes sir, please excuse my interruption.”

Hux sighed. He could not let his temper now. He had meant to talk with security about the matter anyhow. “On second thought, Sub-Lieutenant there is something we need to discuss.”

He pressed the panel to open the door. Flax stood, looking sharp as always, if slightly nervous. She stepped into the room and her eyes widened like a small child’s at the ships and formations floating about Hux’s quarters. The door closed behind her and Hux returned to his planning, “What exactly did you witness Sub-Lieutenant.”

Flax snapped back to attention, “Lord Ren attacked you. Sir, I feel it might be necessary to assign a bodyguard for your protection.”

“I don’t have one, I don’t carry weapons. It’s a sign of my trust and confidence and the crew know it. Imagine if I suddenly stopped walking around unarmed. It would cause unnecessary worry,” explained Hux, “Besides, Lord Ren may interpret it as a challenge or slight against his authority. Assigning a guard will undoubtedly provoke him.”

“Sir, it’s no less tolerable when he attacks other members of the crew but…you’re our General, sir,” said Flax.

She probably meant to imply things by that. But you’re our General and if you’re not safe against him, what chance does anyone else have? But you’re our General and we have been trained to terminate anyone who assaults our superior officers. But you’re our General and if you can’t make him stand down, where does that leave the rest of us in the chain of command? Hux sighed and shifted one of the Star Destroyers. If they could use it to block a swarm of TIE fighters from view…

“How long has he been harassing you, sir?” asked Flax.

“It’s nobody’s business,” said Hux, almost lazily as he repositioned ships and examined them from multiple angles, “So long as he doesn’t kill me it should not affect the day to day functions of the ship or her crew.”

“Sir I…I can’t protect you, or anyone, against him. With his powers, stopping him without killing him may be impossible,” said Flax.

Hux ignored her, “It goes without saying that a gag order be placed on everyone privy to this information. I can’t have anyone challenging Ren on my behalf or committing mutiny because I can’t fend him off.”

“Yes sir,” said Flax. She turned, then hesitated, returning to her stance at attention, “Sir, if it happens again should I dispatch assistance?”

“No. Keep us isolated, divert everyone around us. Say there’s a gas leak, an artificial gravity malfunction, whatever you must. I want nobody to know how volatile the situation is. And at all costs make sure any record of the event does not fall into the wrong hands,” said Hux. He was pleased with how the ships were placed, but now there was a gap in the defenses and not enough one man fighters if someone came up from the lower starboard. “That will be all sub-lieutenant, unless there’s something else that requires my attention.”

“No sir, I’ll have the footage destroyed,” said Flax, saluting before she turned on her heels. She seemed like she wanted to say more, sounded like it too. How much had she guessed? Ren’s posture, leering over him, and the footage from the first assault, the holding, petting, sniffing, it all left little to the imagination. Flax must have known. She was not stupid, if she was she would have been transferred by now. She must not have had the heart or poor sense to confirm her suspicions.

Hux sighed as the doors closed behind her. He was stuck on a ship with a lunatic with magical powers who wanted to have sex with him, and was about to be placed on a ship with yet another lunatic who might rip his brains out to get a cheap laugh. He had no time or patience for this.

He re-angled another Star Destroyer. That solved their lower starboard defenses, but in the event their cannons were destroyed or disabled…

* * *

 

“Huxy! You gene-spliced-abomination! How have you been?”

Admiral Tarkin was just as disheveled in person, and it seemed her pupils had not evened out. On closer inspection Hux found one eye was a cybernetic replacement, though it looked real enough to fool someone at a distance. Her tunic was flung open, not caring who saw her partially-covered breasts, hair spilling over her shoulders from her lazy half up half down hairstyle. Hux resisted the urge to quote regulation at her. Even if it was only in name, she outranked him.

Tarkin slapped a palm against his chest in a way Hux thought might have been a sign of comradeship, “Still made of flesh and bone I see. Got in a nasty scrap and wouldn’t you know it I haven’t got any real limbs left!”

That explained the odd feeling of her hand slapping his chest. Helmeena glanced around Hux’s shoulder, “And who’s this fuckface?”

The ‘fuckface’ in question was Lord Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, who might have been silent but was radiating more and more blind rage with each passing moment. Hux half hoped Ren might kill the Admiral. It would solve so many of his problems…

“This is Lord Kylo Ren,” began Hux.

“Right, big guy, flashy boom sword stick thing, I’ve heard of him,” said Tarkin, snapping her fingers. She practically skipped over to Ren in the least dignified manner possible, her bare feet, despite being encased in artificial flesh, stamping loudly as she went. Hux was not sure he wanted Ren to kill her, not here at least, and not before the battle. To have one of their own murder the Grand Admiral in cold blood for no reason would be a serious blow to moral.

“I cannot wait to watch you cut someone to ribbons,” said Helmeena, grinning wickedly.

“Why wait?” seethed Ren, his hand hovering over the hilt of his Lightsaber.

“Admiral Tarkin, we have yet to go over battle plans.”

Hux glanced up at another General, Sirus, as Hux recalled. A slimy slip of a man if Hux ever saw one. His hair was black, and slicked back the way it was it seemed oily. His eyes were narrow and dark, matched by a thin mouth that might have been carved from his face with a blade. Everything about him suggested a cartoonish villain. He must have been the real man in charge, running the ship while Tarkin acted as a symbolic figurehead to rally behind.

“And then we drink!” said Tarkin, pumping her fist in the air triumphantly.

“Battle first, drink later ma’am,” said Sirius in a gentle way that made Hux’s hair stand on end.

“Fuck no, I’m not doing this sober,” said Tarkin, crossing her arms.

The hanger was surprisingly empty, given that the Supreme Leader’s apprentice and a General had just arrived on board. Perhaps Tarkin was kept mostly under lock and key. That was what Hux would have done if he were in charge. The less people who saw Tarkin meant that less people were likely to leak what an insane buffoon she was. Hux had not brought anyone with him. All hands on the _Finalizer_ needed to be at battle stations.

Tarkin pulled a flask from the inner pocket of her tunic and took a long swig. She held it out to Hux, “Drink.”

“No thank you ma’am,” said Hux, “Not when I’m on-”

“That was an order, soldier-boy,” said the Admiral, a dark leer lingering in her eye.

Hux accepted the flask and wet his lips. It was foul. It smelled like sanitizing fluid. Hell, it might have _been_ sanitizing fluid. He tried not to cough as he passed it back to the Admiral, “Thank you ma’am.”

She walked through the nearly empty hanger, her footsteps echoing eerily throughout the room that ought to have been occupied by pilots, engineers and Stormtroopers. It was punctuated by the fact that Helmeena’s footsteps betrayed the fact that one leg clearly was heavier than the other, judging from the sound, and the exposed fake gelatin flesh made a sickening slapping sound against the floor. She did not look back as she called, “So have you thought up a plan for me Huxy?”

Hux could feel Ren tense every time she used the nickname. He kept an eye on Sirus though. The First Order, unfortunately, was already filled with its worms and leeches. Sirus looked like he might turn out to be one of them. He seemed exactly the sort of man who would backstab and bribe his way through the ranks. Hux at least had the decency to avoid bribes, do his duties in a way that merited reward, and when he did have to resort to murder, he was always polite enough to stab his victims in the front, so to speak. He made sure they had the luxury of knowing who killed them and how they had died before the light left their eyes. Hux supposed it was the closest thing to being honourable that he had ever come to.  

“Yes Admiral, I believe it to be a sound plan of attack,” said Hux, following.

“Admiral Tarkin, if I may, General Hux has only recently come aboard and has no-” began Sirus.

“Sirus, I let you make the last one. It’s Huxy’s turn,” said Tarkin childishly as she plucked a knife from her leggings, “Besides, I want to see if he lives up to all the talk I’ve heard.”

“Th-that’s hardly a-”

“Who’s Grand Admiral?”

In less than a second, Tarkin had turned, a flash of auburn and black and had a knife to Sirus’ throat. Sirus put his arms up instinctively, “You are the Grand Admiral, Ma’am. And your choices are once again wise beyond my understanding.”

Tarkin giggled before letting out a low growl, “Bandy-legged Nerf Herder if I ever saw one.”

Tarkin turned on her heels again. So that was the situation. To her credit, at least Tarkin could keep her Generals in line even when her orders were stupid beyond reason. It was clear though that Sirus did not want Hux on the ship and would likely try to undermine him in a moment of crisis. It would be a good idea to get on Tarkin’s good side, have her thwart any of the other General’s attempts to wrest power from him. He would have to keep an eye on Ren though. The second he thought he was getting too close to Tarkin, it would mean nothing good.

As for the knight, he followed behind, barely keeping his temper in check. Hux was relieved that Ren’s attentions were not on him for once. Even without being able to see his eyes, he could tell that Ren was glaring bolts and daggers at the young Admiral with her girlish manners and open tunic. If he had to kill her Hux hoped Ren would have the sense to wait until after the battle.

“Guess you should get acquainted with the command center. You can talk to all the ships from there and place them willy-nilly,” said Tarkin, “If you need me during the fight I’ll be in my assault vessel. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure the crew doesn’t know you’re a test-tube-baby-genepool-hodge-podge-bastard.”

“Test tube?” asked Kylo accusingly.

“Didn’t you know?” replied Helmeena, laughing slightly as she hooked an arm around Hux’s neck, forcing him to bend down. Hux held back the urge to take her arm, throw her to the ground and kick her across the mouth as she pinched his cheek and forced him to shake his head. He could feel Ren radiating an almost crushing rage as Tarkin continued, “Our handsome General here was born in a petri dish. His daddy and all those scientists on Arkanis bred him to be a good little soldier. No offense Huxy but your old dad was a survival-of-the-fittest-obsessed fluffer-nutter!”

“You were born in a…” Ren tapered off, now too stunned to be angry.

“I was conceived in the petri dish, not born in it Ma’am,” protested Hux, muttering a soft ‘there’s a difference,’ under his breath to himself as he unhooked her arm and resisted the urge to rub the burning sensation out of his cheek, “Wouldn’t you like to look at the plans I’ve drawn first? It would be prudent if you want to choose the most favorable angle of attack.”

“No, I’ll stick to my own plan. Plough through and take the flagship myself, head on,” said the Admiral flippantly.

Hux hoped that was the sanitizing fluid talking. A private assault vessel could not take down a ship the size and scale of the Republic flagship.

“And you need to give your address ma’am,” added Sirus quietly.

Helmeena groaned loudly, “Fuck, I hate addresses…”

Hux could imagine why. He had seen clips of the Admiral’s speeches to troops before battle used in Nationalistic holovideos before. She was always primped, made up, in full dress uniform, delivering an impassioned address to the men. She was a charismatic actress at least, though it seemed clear to Hux now that an act was all it ever had been. Helmeena could probably care less about the First Order or its soldiers so long as she sated her appetite for chaos and blood.

“We will have visual on the Republic fleet at their border in four hours,” noted Hux, “I trust we’ll try to negotiate first.”

Sirus scoffed quietly to himself. Tarkin shrugged, “You can if you want, but I plan on shooting somebody before the day is out. And if it’s not a Soldier of the New Republic, let’s face it Huxy, it’s probably going to be you.”

Ren stalked forward slightly. Tarkin grinned, “They won’t let us into their territory to pursue the Resistance without a fight. They’re monsters Huxy, worse than me, worse than you, worse than fuckface over there. If you spent five seconds in a prison camp, you’d know that.”

“Prison camp, Admiral?” Hux asked out loud. This was the first he had heard of it.

“Heh, yeah, and you thought reconditioning was bad,” sniggered the Admiral, turning and scratching at the back of her head, “Let’s get this over with. The sooner it’s over, the sooner I can drink.”

 

 

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

“Hi my name is Hell-Meana Dark’ness Dementia Raven Tarkin and I have long hellfire red hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes that-”

Hux whispered to Sirus, “General…what is the Grand Admiral doing?”

“This just…happens, sometimes,” explained Sirus warily.

“Hi Hell-Meana,” said Kylo, who had somehow acquired a black Mercedes-Benz (the liscence plate said 666) and very tight leather pants, “Let’s go to tha Good Charlotte concert at Hogsmead.”

“I don’t understand,” said Hux, rubbing his eyes, “Is there a gas leak in here or…?”

Suddenly Kylo began trying to aggressively make love to Tarkin who shouted, “KYLO! What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

“Tarkin?” he asked.

“What?” she snapped.

Kylo leaned in extra-close and Tarkin looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing coloured contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and suddenly Hux felt like he needed to scan the airducts for mind altering substances.

Kylo began putting his thingy into Tarkin’s you-know-what when suddenly Supreme Leader Snoke’s hologram burst into the hanger, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“Go awake Smoke!” cried Tarkin tearfully as she swooned in a way that was very beautiful and goffic, “You are only pretending to be goffic! You are a poser!”

“And a prep!” added Kylo.

“Stop having sexual intercourse you ludacris fools!” Snoke shouted.

“Oh thank god!” cried Hux, elated by the declaration.

The Supreme Leader paused his ravings and turned to the General, “No, no, not you. You’re still going to get fucked at some point.”

Hux groaned and hung his head. Sirus patted him sympathetically on the shoulder as Tarkin and Kylo began to make out keenly against a Tie Fighter.  


	10. For Never When Our Spears Were Set

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oookay, so, this was written MONTHS ago, like, before a lot of the canon material regarding when the Republic and First Order started fighting, the nature of their first few conflicts and origins and whatnot had come out. So I made up my own. When stuff did come out I was so far along in the story that going back and reworking it would have thrown everything off. I guess what I'm trying to say is this story is no longer completely canon compliant because I am a lazy bum. 
> 
> A couple of housekeeping things. Murasaki99 correctly guessed that chapter 9's title came from the song Whiskey in the Jar. :D 
> 
> Second, a belated happy birthday to chewtoy. Sorry I couldn't update exactly on your birthday, but I hope being a day late isn't too shabby. I wish you all the best, my fellow Gemini. 
> 
> Enjoy Kylo and Tarkin slaughtering scores of people :P

Hux made a mental note to look into Admiral Tarkin’s capture. It did not make sense to him. If Helmeena was captured and the Order alerted, her image might have become even more powerful. The brave Admiral, captured and tortured at the hands of the New Republic would no doubt inspire a thirst for vengeance. Despite her reputation for being unstoppable, Tarkin’s image would be just as compelling if she was dead or captured. In fact, it might have become more compelling than it had ever been.

Of course, she would no longer be a sterling example of a soldier, she would be made a damsel in distress. All First Order officers were issued suicide pills in the event they were captured. It was better to be dead than face the humiliation of failure or to bring shame on the Order by revealing secrets, and it would destroy Tarkin’s reputation for fearlessness. Given the choice between the two though, Hux would have chosen the martyr maiden than the soldier. There would always be soldiers. How often would they have the opportunity to show the galaxy what cruelties the New Republic and Resistance were capable of? How better to display than having a young girl tearfully recall all the horrors she had been subjected to at their hands?  

More interestingly, as a General he had been made privy to Tarkin’s mental state and her history with reconditioning and near-suicide missions. Why had nobody told him that the Admiral had been held and tortured? It seemed like something he ought to have been made aware of, even if it was not going to be made common knowledge.

The Supreme Leader had to be aware of it though. There was no possible way that he would have allowed the decision to have Tarkin made Grand Admiral go though, even as an almost purely ceremonial position, if he had not at least met her. With his power he surely would have seen that she was insane. Was that how he preferred it? Ren was clearly unstable and admitted to having anxiety over something to do with the Force, and he was the Supreme Leader’s apprentice. Hux had thought that it was due to a lack of other candidates, but with Helmeena Tarkin in the picture now, that seemed uncertain. Perhaps their insanity made them easier to control, or there was something about their insanity that made them ideal for their positions…

Hux recalled reading in a book about tactics in places long ago and far away that there had been warriors called Berserkers. They were mad, killed everything in sight without remorse, possibly even enjoyed it. They were very effective, but difficult to control and useless when it came to sensitive operations. If the Supreme Leader had it in mind to use Ren and Tarkin as Berserkers, in addition to their roles as apprentice and figurehead, he would need to have every confidence that he could adequately control them. Hux had seen it already with Ren. The knight might be rude, destroy equipment, injure his underlings, even sexually assault his co-commander, but Hux had never known him to be late for a meeting with his Master. He obeyed unquestioningly, listened attentively, dutifully gave reports. When Ren had been holding a lightsaber to his face, the only statement that seemed to phase him even remotely was the possibility of invoking his Master’s ire.

The Supreme Leader must have done something to control Ren, though whether it was with the Force or some other form of leverage, Hux had no idea. Whatever it was, he must have some similar sway over Tarkin as well. From everything Hux had seen and heard of her, she had been impossible to control under every commander until Snoke. She had not exactly calmed down or mended all her destructive habits, but she had flawlessly filled her role as figurehead and obediently wiped out whatever obstacle she was pointed at. Snoke had to have something hanging over her head to keep her in line, but like Ren, Hux had no idea what he could use or manipulate to keep Admiral Hell Raiser in line.

That could be mused over later. Tarkin, in full uniform, hair tied back neatly, made up as if she were a queen or senator, walked at double-time to keep up with Hux and Ren’s longer strides. They would stand on the bridge, together, the very picture of strength and unity, send one last message to the Republic fleet, and unless Banthas suddenly learned to fly and Tatooine froze over the battle would begin.

“Remind me to cut off your legs at the knees. Your strides are too long,” grumbled Tarkin, jogging slightly to keep up.

“Certainly Admiral,” lied Hux.

Ren turned his head slightly when she caught up again. He was probably glaring as he said in a sarcastic, but deathly low tone, “The Supreme Leader requires that the General’s legs remain attached to the rest of him.”

“Why? Nothing wrong with a good pair of robot legs. Provided you don’t get them from a protocol droid,” said Tarkin. She slapped her palm on the panel by the door and strode onto the bridge, “Good afternoon men. At ease. Open a channel with the Republic Fleet.”

Tarkin’s countenance changed as soon as the doors opened. She became instantly more ladylike, more professional. Back straight, shoulders squared, taking quick, neat strides as she reached her consol. The officers on the bridge looked at her in awe. Clearly they had never seen her as the hellion she was. General Sirus, the only one who had, looked on with apprehension, dreading the moment when Tarkin would forget herself and allow her mask to slip and accidentally show her true self.

An image of a New Republic General flashed overhead. He was tall, fairly old, possibly in his fifties or sixties, swarthy skinned, with green eyes and a curling mass of black hair. Hux wracked his brains for a name. He had seen the man’s face before. Nohr. That was it. He had been younger in the holo Hux had seen.

“This is Admiral Helmeena Tarkin of the First Order. Do I have the pleasure of addressing General Nohr?” asked Tarkin, astoundingly personably.

“This is General Nohr. Grand Admiral Tarkin, you have not been given permission to enter Hosnian territory. If you attempt to pass this blockade than we will open fire,” replied the General.

“Before we come to blows, one of my Generals wished to attempt a negotiation. Will you hear him out?” asked Helmeena.

Nohr seemed surprised by this. He glanced to the side before replying, “What does he propose?”

Tarkin turned and motioned for Hux to come forward. As he passed the Admiral whispered, “Don’t be too convincing Huxy, I want my share of blood today.”

Hux refused to allow himself to become unnerved. He stepped up and looked at the screen, “This is General Hux of the First Order. Approximately three weeks ago my ship was attacked by the so-called Resistance who then fled here into Hosnian territory. This is not the first time an incident like this has occurred. We only wish to enter the system to seek out the felons who continue to damage our ships and kill our men. We will not make a target of the Hosnian system or her people. Is it or is it not illegal for one system to harbour fugitives from another? What’s worse, there are some that suspect that the Resistance is the New Republic’s private militia, funded and supplied with the express purpose of undermining the First Order. I would rather not believe this is the case, but the more the New Republic supports the Resistance, the more I seem to second-guess myself. If we are not allowed to make a pursuit, will the New Republic agree to arrest and hand over the fugitives to be tried for their actions against the First Order?”

“That is true for systems within the Republic, which, General, you are not. You are a terrorist organization-”

“An alliance of peoples with its own government. We are semi-nomadic, but sovereign nonetheless.”

“That sprung from the ashes of a tyrannical-”

“State that succeeded in restoring the galaxy to order after the Clone Wars, which broke out due to the inept governance of the Old Republic.”

“Under the rule of a Sith Lord-”

“I think dragging religion into this is quite tasteless of you, General.”

“Are you going to be reasonable or make banter, General!”

“If you treat us as an equal, sovereign state, than we won’t have to come to blows,” countered Hux, “But if you are going to spout falsehoods and insult our Order, than I believe I’ll change my mind about trying to reason with you. We’ve no wish to fight. We only wish to try the Resistance members who continue to assault our vessels. Since you will not arrest them for their actions, it seems that you leave us no choice but to take action against them ourselves. If you will not have them charged for their crimes will you allow a pursuit?”

“You’re children playing war games under a banner that has committed unspeakable crimes,” warned General Nohr.

“Will you allow us to pursue the Resistance, or not?” repeated Hux, “We’ve no more wish to fight than you do. In fact, given the size of our fleets, I would say we have less of a desire to fight than you do. We only want the retribution owed to us by our assailants. We have no desire to make an enemy of the Hosnian System or the New Republic.”

Make him say it, Hux thought, let there be audio, visual footage of a Republican General challenging the First Order. Let him be the one that starts the fight. Let him be the one who insults, who belittles and dismisses. When generations look back on this event that is what they will see. That the First Order had no choice. The First Order was justified in taking action to protect themselves. The Republic was harbouring criminals who needed to be brought to justice. This fact had to be made explicitly clear. The Empire had not been so careful. Hux wanted to keep the name of the First Order unsullied for as long as possible. Exceptions would have to be made, but not yet. Not yet…

“You are not a state, you’re mislead, misguided children with blasters. For the Maker’s sake is anyone on that ship older than thirty?” exclaimed General Nohr. He was looking at them piteously. Hux stared at him evenly, waiting for him to say it, waiting for him to be the one to start it all, “If you cross this border it will be an act of war. Do not allow that poor girl to start something none of you can finish.”

“General Nohr, harbouring criminals is already an act of aggression. You started this well before we arrived,” said Hux, “I’m very sorry that we’ve come to this.”

Hux stepped back and Tarkin grinned so wide that her face threatened to split. She whispered as she tried to control her face, “Clever Huxy…clever, clever boy…you’re going to tell such pretty stories with that lovely voice…”

Out loud, she continued, “It seems we can’t convince you General, that is most unfortunate. We will have justice for the men and women murdered at the hands of the Resistance. We will restore the galaxy to peace and order. If refuse to aid us, or at least stay neutral in the matter, than I fear we’ve reached an impasse. Remember General, we gave you a chance to avoid this. May the spirits of all who fall today haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Tarkin closed the channel and hissed back at Ren, “Hey fuckface, come here a minute.”

Ren was radiating pure rage. Hux leaned over so his elbow brushed the knight’s side lightly, “Humor her.”

“Why should I?” whispered Ren hotly.

Hux gritted his teeth, “I’ll do something on your sordid list. Cause a scene and I won’t make the offer again for a month.”

Ren stormed over to the Admiral in a huff. Tarkin opened a communications channel. Hux saw her image appear where General Nohr’s had been. She produced a striking image, the grandniece of Grand Moff Tarkin, with a dark armoured figure behind her breathing through a filtered mask. It was an image that recalled their heritage, a golden age for the once young Empire.

Tarkin called out, “The Republic refuses to acknowledge us as equals. They refuse to hand over the villainous Resistance, the ones who’ve destroyed our ships and murdered our comrades. Let it be known that it was us, the so-called terrorists, the so-called children, who attempted to negotiate, who offered clemency and a peaceful alternative. I may well be a child, little more than a girl, but I’ve the heart of a soldier of the First Order and the blood of Imperial Admirals before me in my veins! We will avenge our fallen kinsmen! And when the Republic is forced to its knees in surrender, we will have our chance. They will enjoy our clemency and patience no longer!”

Tarkin closed the channel. Her men applauded. Sirus sighed in relief. Tarkin whispered something to Ren. Ren looked at Hux. Hux could have done without those last two observations.

Tarkin sauntered past Hux, her ladylike manners beginning to slip, “I’m borrowing your shadow.”

“Ma’am?” asked Hux.

“When I attack the flagship. I’m borrowing him. You have the bridge. You did well before, but if your plan disappoints, I’ll probably kill you,” said Tarkin pleasantly.

“Admiral, if possible, I was hoping to use Lord Ren’s clairvoyance to our strategic advantage,” said Hux.

“Now, now Huxy, that’s cheating. If you don’t play by the rules, I won’t be impressed. And if you don’t impress me, you’ll hardly impress your Supreme Leader,” pouted Tarkin, “Oh, and I’ll certainly remember you needed a crutch if you ever want a favor from me.”

Hux glanced at Kylo, “May I have a word with him before we engage, ma’am?”

“Of course, have several. Kiss him goodbye or give him a lucky hand-job for all I care. Just make it quick,” whispered Tarkin, slipping away and calling out, “General Hux, you have the bridge. Best of luck to all of you.”

The men began to whisper nervously. Of course they were nervous. Their Admiral had left them in the hands of a man they had barely met. Fortunately their buzz covered his own exchange with Ren, “What are you doing?”

“You told me to humor her,” huffed Kylo.

“The Supreme Leader will not be pleased with either of us if you go off and get yourself-”

“I want you. Tonight.”

The words sounded ridiculous filtered through Ren’s mask. They also cut Hux to the core. He did not want to deal with this here. Not now. Ren must have known that.  

“What?”

“I’m going to accompany your _fiancée_ , take the Republic flagship, force their surrender, and when I return, I expect a reward for my patience and victory. If you don’t show a little gratitude for my patience, I’m going to be very upset with you.”

“Don’t be absurd!”

“Swear it and I’ll make sure the Admiral doesn’t have an accident on her way to the hanger.”

Hux knit his brow in a quiet fury, “For goodness sake have the sense to leave her alive until she’s no longer use-”

“I can make her trip from here. My range is quite long. Nobody would suspect it if she suddenly slipped and fell. It would be terrible if she hit a control panel and snapped her neck on the way down. Prosthetics can be unwieldy.”

If they took much longer talking it would seem suspicious, “We’ll discuss the fine details later. Do not kill the Admiral until after the battle.”

“When I’m finished with you, I promise she’ll be the last thing on your mind.”

Hux was not sure if Ren was threatening to ravish him until he was senseless or give him irreparable brain damage. Part of him sincerely hoped it was brain damage. The other part hoped that Ren and the Admiral both died at the hands of the New Republic, thereby providing Hux with a possible promotion, an existence free of Kylo Ren, and all the propaganda fodder he would need to launch an all out war.

Now was not the time for wishful thinking though. Hux was on the bridge, surrounded by people who were complete strangers to him. He did not know their strengths or weaknesses, he did not even know their names. When Ren left, they looked at him nervously, expectantly. Now was not the time to waver. The second he showed weakness, he had no doubt that Sirus would take over and the crew, being more familiar with the other General, would no doubt follow his command.

Hux approached the command console and pulled up a visual on the soon-to-be battlefield. There was no way he would win the approval or respect of the crew by opening the battle with an envelopment manoeuvre. The men might see him heartlessly putting their comrade’s lives at risk and fight back against his commands, or only follow them half-heartedly. He opened a communications channel with the _Finalizer_. Better to have them see him risk his own ship and respect him for it. The crew of the _Finalizer_ would trust his judgement.

“Lieutenant Mitaka, approach the borderline. Flirt with it, but don’t cross it. Let’s see if they call our bluff.”

* * *

 

Kylo sat in the copilot’s seat of Admiral Tarkin’s assault vessel. He hated her. He hated her for being obnoxious, rude, crass, drunk, vile, and worst of all for shamelessly flirting with his General. Upon entering the ship she dropped her princess act and opened up her shirt again. Disgusting. Showing off her body like that. She flung herself into the pilot’s seat and pulled up a hologram of the battle outside. The _Finalizer_ was moving towards the border. Tarkin watched, kicked off her boots and mumbled to herself, “Clever Huxy, remembering not to send men you don’t know as bait…”

“Stop calling him that,” ordered Kylo, gritting his teeth behind his mask, “You could at least pretend to be professional.”

“That’s a lark coming from you,” sniggered the Admiral, “We know all about Darth Tantrum over here.”

Kylo’s hand went to his saber, “You will give me the respect I’m owed.”

Tarkin shrugged, then grinned slightly as she watched one of the Republic ships fire on the _Finalizer_ , “Ooh, someone’s finger must have slipped. They’ll regret that. Can’t take the high road anymore, can they?”

She turned back to Kylo, “So you fancy old Huxy, do you?”

“He’s _mine_ ,” said Kylo. He raised his hand, putting pressure with the force on Tarkin’s throat, “If you call him that again, you’ll regret it.”

“Temper,” said Tarkin playfully, as if she were scolding a naughty child. Kylo was barely holding back anymore. How dare she call him a child!? She was little more than a child herself. A useless figurehead under the control of the bureaucrats of the First Order. A glorified propaganda tool. Tarkin watched as small ships began to swarm towards the _Finalizer_ , “I know you like him. If you threaten someone’s commanding officer the normal response is disbelief, then anger. You went straight to anger. That’s how you tell who’s got the hots for their superiors. And how I know nobody fancies Sirus.”

“You’ll leave my General alone, or else,” ordered Kylo.

Tarkin watched the _Finalizer_ pull back, followed by the swarm of ships. She looked on intently, as if she were a spectator at a podrace, “Envelop them…classic, simple, effective…It’s a bit hard to leave him alone when I have to boss him around.”

“You know what I meant!” snapped Kylo.

Tarkin’s eyes flicked towards him mischievously. It was then that Kylo noticed one of her pupils was larger than the other. Drugs? No, it was mechanical. Just how much of her was machine? Darth Vader had been more machine than man towards the end of his life, so it was possible that she too was almost entirely cybernetic. She replied, “He’s interesting and I’m bored. I hear lots about him. Youngest General this, holds records for sharpshooting that, thrown together in some dodgy lab on Arkanis to make him the perfect First Order bloodhound, I want to see what the hype is about.”

Kylo glared at her before she sighed, “But he’s so stuffy, not nearly wild enough. I’d be as fed up with him as I am with Sirus in no time. That and he’s too smart for me. You saw it didn’t you? He was looking at everything, figuring out how to use us all. I can see him becoming a problem for me if he stayed. So? Does he like you back?”

“He pretends not to,” said Kylo, watching the battle carefully. He sensed truth in Takin’s words. She had no interest in Hux beyond his novelty. He could relax. The swarm of ships was lured in by the _Finalizer_ when several ships in the First Order fleet surged forward, surrounding and showering them with laser fire, “He’s stubborn, and nervous, though he won’t admit that either.”

“Of course not. His dad was a loony. All about survival of the strongest. Wouldn’t surprise me if Huxy had his ears boxed every time he showed some sort of weakness. You know Arkanisians are insane, right?” scoffed Tarkin.

“People hurt him? In that lab he was…” Kylo trailed off. He had often thought his own upbringing was harsh enough, but Hux had been born, grown in some lab? Someone had beaten him? It was no wonder he nearly melted at the sensation of a gentle, loving touch.

“I know there was some…thing. The Commandant’s Own. Back when the Empire was still around there was some project or other to see if soldiers with special breeding could beat out the rest of us. Project went under I guess, but Huxy is still around. Might be others as well. Never bothered checking,” said Tarkin with a dismissive shrug. She grinned, “Still, it’s different. I like different. It’s nice to shake things up.”

“But you’ve no interest in him?” pressed Kylo.

Tarkin stared back towards the hologram without really watching it, “Doesn’t matter if I am or not. They took my organs, the reproductive ones. ‘For safekeeping’ they said. Then they’ll force me to marry whoever, stuff my organs back inside me, and then force me to retire. Become the Matron of the First Order. They’ll have me crank out a new figurehead to replace me when I’m ugly and wrinkled. It’s going to happen when I turn thirty. Thirty’s when a single girl expires you know. If the powers that be say I have to marry, there’s not much I can do…besides murder everyone and go out being shot to death by a million blasters. I suppose that’s always an option.”

Kylo watched her. He could feel the Force around her and her loudest thoughts. She was dark, not quite like Hux, but more dark than most. The energy around her, he began to notice was stagnant and melancholic. She was depressed. She had been depressed for a very long time. Her thoughts suddenly came flooding in as her mind went down a dark path.

Tarkin planned on dying well before she turned thirty.

She planned to allow an enemy to shoot her down. Someday, but not today. As she looked at Kylo he heard her thoughts. She wanted a few more adventures before she ended her life. Fighting with someone like Ren would be interesting. It was the only thought keeping her alive at the moment.

Kylo did not like going into battle alongside someone intent on suicide. If Tarkin got him killed…

“Have you tried appealing to the Supreme Leader? He is wise. He may be able to find a better use for you,” suggested Kylo.

The Force around her shifted. Fear. It happened when most people heard someone mention the Supreme Leader. For some reason Kylo had not been expecting that reaction from Tarkin when she seemed so flippant about everything else. She had frozen, almost like Hux did when he gave one of those shudders. She was visibly unnerved, “I don’t speak with him directly.”

“You could request it. With your rank, you’ve the right,” said Kylo, more interested in her reaction. He probed deeper into her thoughts without intending to. She was telling the truth, she did not speak to the Supreme Leader. He had spoken to her, once, after her time with the Resistance. His vision, his voice, his ability to see through her had terrified her to the core. She was scared to ask anything of him. She always made sure to avoid pushing whichever General was assigned to her too far for fear of angering Supreme Leader Snoke. She obeyed any order from him without question. Anything to avoid his anger. Anything to avoid seeing him again. Anything to avoid that gut-twisting coldness and the dark urges in her mind to hurt herself becoming amplified by tens and hundreds. It had been horrible, unlike any pain she had every experienced, as if she had never known happiness and never would know it. She knew to stop it from ever happening again, keeping Snoke happy would have to be her top priority.

So his Master was cruel with her. It was a necessity, probably for Tarkin and the First Order’s own good. If it was the only way to keep her under control, Kylo could not say he was enamoured with the idea, but his Master was wise and must have had his reasons. The same way he was often merciless in Kylo’s own training. It was for his own good. It would make him stronger. It would bring him one more step closer to becoming like Darth Vader. It had brought him more than the light ever could.

“I gave up my metaphorical heart and real uterus for the glory of the First Order. It’s a bit hard to back out now,” said Tarkin, returning her attention to the battle when she recovered from her nerves, “He’s whittled them down a bit. Clever boy…why do you like him anyways? Aside from the amazing personality and winning smile.”

“He’s…” Kylo began. How to describe it? Hux was cruel, stubborn, efficient, bent on becoming perfection and power personified. The Dark Force that flowed from him was exquisite, fueled by his drive and passion for order and control. It became even better, almost delectable when that sweet fear mingled in whenever Kylo attempted to ravish him. His appearance was striking. He was the first red-head Kylo had ever seen, and his hair was only splash of natural, vibrant colour on the whole damned ship, and it offset the coolness of his eyes perfectly. Just like his pale skin starkly contrasted his dark uniform and made the perfect pink of his lips stand out beautifully. He always made sure he looked perfect, not a hair out of place, as if Hux was begging for someone to debauch him and put it all in disarray.

Then there was his banter. His Hux was feisty, and Kylo loved how furious Hux had been when he said it. Hux was witty and pulled no punches, in his speech or in a real fight, and Kylo liked that. He liked that Hux was strong, intelligent, and might even be a challenge in a fight, for a non-Force user. He acted like he was made of durasteel, looked like he was made of porcelain, and felt like he was made of satin.

How to answer the question though? Kylo doubted Tarkin wanted a speech, “General Hux’s affinity with the Dark side, whether he knows he gravitates to it or not, is beneficial to me.”

“How?” asked Tarkin, cocking her brow.

Ren was more relaxed now that Tarkin had shown disinterest in taking his General from him and that she was terrified of his Master. He grinned behind his mask, “My desire for him fuels my powers. Provided it does not become frustrating, I can use the darkness we both produce to become stronger.”

“So people, even the ones who can’t use the Force, are like mini-Force-generators?” reasoned Tarkin, though she sounded uncertain.

“The Force surrounds and moves through all living things. Moods, emotions even physical sensations a person experiences can turn the Force to light or darkness within their vicinity. General Hux’s radius is about thirty feet, and his charisma sparks desire, hate and fear in others, who in turn bend the Force to Darkness.”

Tarkin gave a whistle, “Sounds like a perpetual Darkness motion machine.”

 _One that looks stunning pinned to a bed_ , Kylo thought to himself. He recalled Hux on that morning. The morning Hux had invited him to share his bed. His hair was splayed, trapped between his arms, looking up at him with delicious apprehension as he calculated how he might break free from Kylo’s grip. Poor General. Thinking he had been so sneaky with all of his specialized weapons. Kylo doubted he had seen all of them, Hux may have been clever enough to hide one or two from him. He already had a knack for mental mazes, turning his thoughts off and hiding little details here and there. Kylo might have probed deeper, perhaps he should have done so from the start. There was no other word for it though, when the General was scared and scrambling to make a plan, it was the sexiest thing Kylo had ever seen. Hux must have realized what a turn on his resistance was by now.

“And…” Kylo added quietly, “He’s beautiful, don’t you think?”  

“Kind of hard to think that when he’s scowling,” noted Tarkin, “Not disagreeing, but he looks sort of scary is all. All frowns and murder in his eyes.”

Kylo grinned behind his mask, “He’s not like that with me. Most of the time. He’s…exquisite. A bit like a doll…”

“Huh…now that you mention it. I used to have one that looked a bit like him. It was blond, but it had the same sort of eyes and mouth. I liked my girl dolls better though, they had prettier clothes,” said Tarkin as she looked at the hologram, “I’m hoping we’ll have an opening soon. Think you can mind-control someone and lower the shields on the flagship.”

“I can lower their shields and make them kill each other,” said Kylo confidently.

Tarkin gave a feral smile, “Well it’s no fun if you kill all of them. Leave a few alive so we can have some sport. Now come on Huxy, blow their brains out already…”  

Kylo turned to the two holographic fleets. Hux’s strategy was like his personal dealings. Cautious, calculating, then striking suddenly when everything had aligned perfectly. Hux was infuriatingly brilliant with his planning, and he grew stronger, darker, with his desires for power and control by the day. His Hux was going to be quite the handful if he went on unchecked.

Kylo watched the Republic ships move, drawn in by the opportunity to attack the soft underbelly of a supposedly unprotected Star Destroyer. Hux was faster. The ships were swarmed by TIE fighters and cannon fire rained down from the Destroyer.

“There, that should hold their attention. Strap in fuckface,” said Tarkin, gunning the engine of her assault craft. She nearly took out a docked TIE fighter as she took off.

Kylo glared at her and put pressure on her throat, which curiously did not seem to deter her, “Stop calling me that.”

Tarkin shrugged, “Well it’s that or bitchbucket. Your choice.”

* * *

 

Hux watched the battle intently. His anxiety about not knowing any of his officers, his being on an unfamiliar vessel, having another General nearby who might challenge his authority all had long since faded away. Since he had been young, Hux had been very good at puzzles. Whether it was a mathematical assignment, cracking a code, reassembling a droid, Hux had found it very easy to get wrapped up in solving a puzzle. There were times he went days, barely sleeping, forgetting to eat, all so he could devote more time to solving whatever problem had been placed in front of him. A battle was no different. Just another puzzle to solve.

Whether it was hand to hand, armed melee, ranged, or opposing armadas, Hux had found that the key to victory was to learn how all the pieces fit together. For example, an opponent lifting a blade for a two handed strike opened up their stomach. The solution then was to be fast, get low, and slice their belly open wide. Ships were the same. When large cannons fired, the shields lowered, and the best option was to swarm. When single ships approached, the proper response was to lure and envelop. If one ship was slow, it was imperative to cut it off from the rest of the fleet and blow it out of the sky.  

The Republic’s strategist or tactician, whoever it was, did not seem prepared to be facing someone who had long since figured out how all the pieces fit. They had been expecting a child, someone inexperienced, riding the coattails of their Imperial heritage. Hux would prove them wrong.

He called out his orders briskly, calmly, circling the large hologram of the battle like a vulture. Occasionally he would prod at a ship, trying to move it, then remember that this was real and not a simulation for him to tweak and play with. He watched as ships, both First Order and Republic blinked out. The Republic had a massive fleet, and they had not skimped on sending ships to deal with the standoff. Hux kept a tally on how many ships had been lost. Whoever the tactician on the other side was, they must have thought their numbers gave them the freedom to be reckless. Or perhaps some, overeager to fight or seeking personal glory, had disobeyed orders and engaged despite being told to hold back. Either way, in terms of percentages, despite having a smaller number of ships, the First Order was holding its own.

A light suddenly blinked into view. An assault ship flying out of the _Helden_ , the First Order flagship’s hanger. Hux had not authorized takeoff for another wave of smaller crafts. Not yet. There was only one person it could have been.

He had deliberated what ought to be done in this situation. He had to at least pretend to want to protect the Admiral and Ren, however, sending several squadrons of TIE fighters to guard them would tip the enemy off to the importance of the pilots, an amateur’s mistake that nobody would believe he made in ignorance. However, a lone ship flying into the fray would be too conspicuous if the Republic’s tactician noticed it. He had to make sure the assault vessel blended in, did not look overly important or out of place.

“Lieutenant, send a single squadron of TIE fighters to rally around the assault vessel that just launched,” ordered Hux.

The lieutenant hesitated. Not good. Something about that order must have been strange or wrong. Sirus chimed in, “We would normally only send two or three fighters. You don’t doubt the Admiral’s ability, do you General?”

Hux stood firm by his decision. If he started deferring to the other General, so would the rest of the crew, “Send the squadron. I’ll not have the Supreme Leader’s apprentice or the admiral die on my watch.”

Well, damn, now he could not abuse friendly fire, not after saying that. Hux heard the lieutenant hesitantly call for one of the squadrons to rally. He watched them carefully. They assembled into formation behind the assault vessel, looking like any of the regular squads, except they were barreling for the Republic Flagship. The opposing tactician would be bound to notice, there was no avoiding it. The Admiral would need heavy cover fire if she wanted any hope of reaching her target. Hux knew he was going to have to do something risky and reckless.

He would see her and Ren safely to their target, and hope the New Republic would be kind enough to dispatch his two headaches for him. It would not be his fault if they died. He had to make sure it was not his fault if they died. Having either of their deaths on his hands would be the end of his career. All he would be able to do was hang his head solemnly before Snoke and say how much he regretted the loss.  

“Front line hard starboard, forty-five degrees. Aim straight ahead and fire ventral cannons,” commanded Hux.

“A-at what?” stammered a lieutenant.

“Everything!” barked Hux. No more polity. If they were going to question him and waver he could not afford to be civil.

* * *

 

“Ooh, Huxy must be sweet on you. I don’t normally get this many guards,” observed Tarkin, “I think Sirus kinda wants me to die. At least the feeling’s mutual, right?”  

Ren would have grinned at the comment, but he was too absorbed in monitoring the battle. He was far from a nervous flier and this was far from his first battle, but it was his first time charging in so recklessly. He was usually confident he could overwhelm the enemy with his power. But at the moment, he was in a tiny assault ship, flanked by puny TIE Fighters, charging towards a massive blockade with a suicidal pilot sitting beside him. Even if he had all of Supreme Leader Snoke’s power, he would not have been able to take out every man and woman in the fleet in one quick and easy strike.

Then he felt it, a clairvoyant double-vision, seeing people alive and dead at the same time before they fell permanently. Mostly for the Republic. He felt shock, and betrayal from TIE fighters caught in friendly fire as the whole fleet concentrated its power, shooting on an odd angle. As the lasers hit their marks he could hear hundreds of thousands of shrieks and death rattles.

Tarkin pounded the control panel excitedly with the flat of her hand, “Did you see that!? See what he did? He’s giving us cover fire and using all that firepower as a makeshift shield to protect the fleet, each ship protecting the one to its left. He’s applying pole-arm tactics to confuse the enemy, deal out heavy damage, protect the fleet _and_ give us an opening.”

“You can’t have him,” Kylo warned her, trying to block out all of the screams that were pounding his head. He was so close to them. He could hear all the voices spilling out into empty space.

“Are you kidding? This clinches it. You can keep him. He’s too clever for me,” laughed Tarkin, “He’d figure out some awful way to off me and make it look like an accident.”

Kylo recalled Hux pondering that very scenario and was distracted from all the death around him long enough to smirk a little. His Hux would do that. Kylo was confident the only reason Hux had not made an attempt on his life was because he did not want to face Supreme Leader Snoke’s wrath. Of course, now that they were practically lovers, Hux likely had other reasons, suppressed into his subconscious, for keeping Kylo alive. As he and Tarkin approached their target, Kylo thought about Hux, all the sinful things he could do to corrupt his modest General. He thought of Hux, shyly stripping away his uniform, looking away timidly and handing himself over to be defiled. He thought about Hux’s voice, imagined him moaning, recalled the softness of his skin, the fiery jolts that would burst in waves through his body when he was touched and whispered to. Kylo’s desire built up he felt darkness surge through him. It was not enough. More, he needed more dark energy. He was taking on a flagship for goodness sake.

“I’m going to get very angry. You might feel some pressure. Try not to be alarmed,” said Kylo, unstrapping himself from his seat and standing.

“You’re going to what now?” asked Tarkin.

Kylo thought back, sinking gradually into the hate that seemed to have perpetually pooled inside of him. He never dove into it, not all at once. That would result in a complete loss of control, which would have been bad enough on a small planet or Star Destroyer, but would certainly cause instantaneous death in a small craft like this. First small things, irksome needling things to start the rage building. Tarkin’s fake flesh made disgusting noises. There were still no leads on the artifact he was searching for. Hux still occasionally thought of his seduction as a near-rape scenario. Which it wasn’t.

His anger was building slightly. He had accumulated enough darkness around him that he could now hear more voices than a few moments before. The anger needed to become stronger. His training had hit a wall. He still needed to prevent his thoughts and feelings from leaking into other people’s consciousness. He was angry at his own failings. He was angry that he could not fine tune his control. He was angry that Hux made control look so easy. He was angry that the enemy seemed to get the best of them time and time again. The enemies that had hurt Hux. _His_ Hux. And now the Republic was keeping him from his revenge.

Now the anger could begin to fester into hate. Kylo hated the Republic. They were in his way. They were keeping him from what he wanted. If they would not move, he would make them move. He would make them pay. Make them bleed. Cut them. Rip them. Slaughter them. They would pay for their dealings with the Resistance, the underhanded dealings they had made with _her_.

Her…

Kylo’s hate nearly faltered when he thought of her. But thinking of _her_ made Kylo think of _him_. Then the hate returned, thrumming, powerful. He could feel them all now, every man and woman on every ship. He concentrated on the flagship, sorting through a million thoughts at once. Shields. One of them had to know how to lower shields.

He found one, an Ensign. The Ensign was scared. It was his first battle. He was afraid of being killed. More afraid of killing. He was thinking of all the poor brainwashed children the Empire had used to create the First Order. That poor girl with her uneven eyes. She was being used. That poor boy. So young. Such a pity. Then came the confusion, the conflict. Those poor children, but they are killing us. Killing our comrades. They need to be stopped. They need to be killed. No…they don’t know any better, they’re being used, and yet we have to, but…

The conflict in the Ensign’s mind would make him pliable. Kylo turned to Tarkin, “Take us in. I have one.”

Tarkin was sweating, grinning through what appeared to be excruciating pain. Kylo knew he was the one hurting her, right now, exerting so much Force energy in the small space. She bore it well though. Having lost all her limbs and an eye she must have been no stranger to pain.  

“You got it bitchbucket,” hissed Tarkin through her gritted teeth.

She hissed again in agony when Kylo’s anger spiked, “My name is _Kylo Ren_.”

“Right, right, whatever,” said Tarkin, pretending to be flippant as she gunned the engines and sped ahead of her guard. Just like _him_. _Him_ and the goddamned ship _he_ always left on. Kylo would entertain thoughts of that man for a moment longer. He needed the hate. Tarkin growled, “You’d better get them down. I don’t want my death to be a stupid one. Grand Admiral Tarkin died by splattering herself all over a shield. Doesn’t that sound daft?”

As if Kylo wanted himself to explode and splatter into space across the energy shields of a Republic ship any more than she did. He caught the Ensign, whispered to him, _‘You will lower the shields.’_

The Ensign fought back briefly, _‘But they’ll hit us.’_

Kylo whispered back, _‘If you don’t you’ll hurt them, you’ll kill them. You don’t want that. You will lower the shields. You’re the only one who can save them. You have to save them.’_

_‘…I will lower the shields.’_

“They’re down. Go,” ordered Kylo.

They flew faster than Kylo thought an assault ship could go, TIE fighters struggling to keep up. The Republic flagship’s cannons locked onto them, or attempted to, and began to fire. Kylo could feel them, caught off guard by a ship somehow penetrating their shields. Their confusion as they wondered which of their own could have betrayed them. Kylo sat down, gripping the arms of his seat as Tarkin maneuvered the ship around the heavy fire. Kylo spied an opening, a hanger, beginning to close.

“Hang on,” said Tarkin, heading straight for it. She fired on the hanger, blasting the opening wider. The ship sailed through it.

Kylo jerked as the ship hit the runway. Tarkin had not bothered with landing gear. She fired on every ship in sight. Reinforcements were on their way, ready to capture. Capture, Kylo noted, not kill. Their weakness would be the end of them. The smaller Republic crafts had been obliterated. Any personnel still in the hangar had taken cover. Tarkin finally released her hold on the ship’s controls. She kicked a compartment, which opened immediately and produced a blaster.

“Take it you’re happy with your laser sword,” said Tarkin, grabbing the blaster. Kylo noted she had not bothered putting the safety on.

“Very,” he replied.

Tarkin stood up and took something down from a compartment in the rafters that Kylo did not expect. An axe. A large one. It did not appear to have any electronic or mechanical components. It was nothing but a large blade on a stick. A weapon for a barbarian, or an animal. Tarkin giggled, “We’ll capture their General and make him call off the rest of the rabble. Everyone that gets in the way is fair game. What do you say, most heads wins?”

Something inside Kylo snapped. A part of him he kept closed off was finally being allowed a release, one that crates and consoles could not begin to satisfy. Tarkin was offering him blood. Real blood. A chance to kill, be covered in blood and darkness, to revel in the fear and confusion and pain once again. He was finally being given permission to release all of those destructive urges that Hux ordered him to keep a handle on. It was hard holding back, but now he did not have to. These were not people, they were worms, and Kylo would squash them underfoot. They deserved worse.

He activated his Lightsaber. Tarkin grinned, whistling appreciatively. Kylo grinned behind his mask, “Most heads wins.”

They burst from the ship and were met with immediate blaster fire. Kylo blocked the blaster bolts as Tarkin fired back, charging forward, free from hesitation. She vaulted over the crates the enemy had taken shelter behind, a feat likely made possible by her prosthetics. Kylo watched blood splatter and heard screams, then girlish giggles as everything went quiet. Tarkin emerged, splashed with red, traipsing towards the exit, waving at the observation platform, “Either they aren’t there or they aren’t firing.”

“They’re watching,” said Kylo. He moved his hand. Half a dozen soldiers were compelled to walk to the observation window. He smiled to himself as he forced them to raise their weapons to their chins, their mouths, their temples. Then they all fired. Blood splattered against the window.

“Heh, gross,” giggled Tarkin.

“They locked the door. Perhaps I should have waited,” said Kylo. It was of little consequence though. He would be able to cut through it eventually.

“I’ll get it. Hold me tight,” she ordered, wrapping an arm around Kylo’s waist.

Her body twisted, her right leg shot out on a ninety degree angle. Tarkin jabbed her thumb into her thigh. Her small body jerked with the recoil as a carbine shot out of the heel of her foot. The door exploded. Tarkin let go and held out her hand in mock politeness, “After you.”

“I see why you don’t wear shoes,” noted Kylo.

“They just get in the way of the carbine. Tried wearing boots once. Nearly blew my leg off again,” laughed Tarkin.

Kylo nodded appreciatively as he moved forward. This was a warrior. She was not like Hux and his kind who sat behind desks or stood on bridges moving people about without joining the fray. This was a person who had fashioned her body into a weapon and took what she wanted with her own two hands. Kylo could appreciate that. Her bloodlust, while nowhere near as delicious as the darkness Hux produced, was infectious. It spurred him on, like it was supporting him, cheering for him, like an old friend.

‘ _Perhaps because she’s a Tarkin_ ,’ Kylo thought. His Skywalker blood might have recognized a familiar ally in her. The thought did not last long. Kylo sensed people coming, panicking, shutting off doors, trying to decide what was to be done. They had not prepared for this. They had not expected this. They had thought nobody would be so rash as to attempt anything like this. Kylo silenced them, froze them. They would not live to regret their mistakes.

Kylo sliced through another set of blast doors. He would let the Admiral save her carbines and explosives. A small platoon was frozen in place. He carved his way through them. Tarkin sauntered behind, doing the same to any that were still breathing, taking childish delight in cleaving the heads from the necks of corpses. As they neared a lift shaft, Kylo ripped the doors off their hinges. There was no lift, not anymore, the cables had been cut to stall them.

This did not stop Tarkin. She slung the axe over her shoulder and leapt into the empty shaft, catching onto the wall and sliding down slightly, leaving twenty long gashes before she finally stopped. Kylo nearly laughed at the absurdity. Tarkin had spikes in her toes and fingers. She began to scale the wall, driving her fingers and toes loudly into the shaft as she climbed. Weaponizing her prosthetics was either the most practical thing she could have done, or the most ridiculous. Although, given the fact that Lightsaber dueling was based on striking to dismember, perhaps it would not be a bad idea to look into finding a mechanic who specialized in weaponized prosthetics. Just in case.

In the meantime, Kylo could not climb up the shaft, and he doubted that Tarkin had the strength to pull him up. He looked down the shaft and could sense the elevator at the bottom. It would be difficult, but he might be able to lift it back up and take it to the top. Closing his eyes he concentrated. There was beautiful, intense darkness around him. The hate, the confusion, the fear in the final moments of the corpses behind him. It fed him, nourished him. Stretching out a hand he wrapped it around the empty, disconnected elevator. It was heavy, but well within the limits of his strength.

The dull thud of Tarkin piercing the walls kept time as he felt it begin to rise, slowly and steadily. This was taking too long. He was getting tired of waiting. More fear, more anger, more hate. He would have to generate it himself, everyone else was dead and the residual darkness around their bodies had disappeared. Just a little more should be enough, he should not have to think about anything too painful. He concentrated on his fear of disappointing. That he might never control his power effectively. That he might never complete his training. That he would fail.

The elevator rose more quickly, as if spurred on by his fear and impatience. As it reached his floor, Kylo stepped on top of it. He heard an explosion, then blaster fire followed by screaming. Tarkin must have reached the top already. Kylo sighed, irritated. Someone without the benefit of the Force was getting ahead of him with a few cheap tricks and machines. His now conflicted feelings regarding Tarkin aside, he hated being bested by anyone. It was part of what made Hux so infuriating at times. The difference was that Hux, despite never being in the thick of combat, was good at thinking, plotting, planning, things Kylo could accomplish, but knew he was not good at. Tarkin was beating him at his own game, and he could not abide it.

He rushed to the top and found her slouched over a mound of corpses. Her axe was tossed aside as she gripped the side of the hall. She glared back at Ren, “They shot me. Again.”

“You could have waited,” said Kylo, pretending not to grin. Served her right for going on ahead, “Where were you hit?”

“My leg in one of the fleshy bits, and my left arm,” said Tarkin sourly, limping to face him. A hole had burned through her thigh, revealing flayed, burnt flesh. She snapped her torso to the side, her left arm flailed limp and useless at the shoulder. She growled, “I can’t use my axe with only one hand. That just pisses me off.”

“Stay here then. I don’t need you to capture the General,” said Kylo, brushing past her. He could sense more troops behind the blast doors. They were close to the bridge. Kylo could feel it. Just a few more insects to crush and it would all be over.

Insects. It was strange how much this whole thing reminded him of childhood, picking the limbs off of spiders and watching them roll around on their backs until they shriveled in on themselves and died. _She_ had been horrified. _He_ had said boys would be boys, trying to cover his disgust. He wondered what they would think now that he had outgrown spiders. He wondered why he even bothered to think about them.

_“It’s good that you don’t forget. That pain will give you the strength you need to enact your revenge.”_

_‘Master,’_ Kylo thought, acknowledging him as he cut through the blast doors. He raised his hand, freezing the blaster bolts, _‘I am applying your teaching as best I can. Does my progress please you?’_

_‘This is no true test of your power. They are not strong enough to provide a sufficient challenge. You’re power has grown too great to be measured by this paltry assault.’_

_‘What challenge would be sufficient? I am ready. Please tell me what I must do to be more worthy’_ insisted Kylo, his Lightsaber carving through flesh all too easily.

_‘Your test will come, but you must stay vigilant Lord Ren. Keep your senses sharp. You will know it when the time comes.’_

_‘Yes Master,’_ Kylo replied. He knew the Supreme Leader must have known what was in his heart. He wanted Hux, Hux resisted, and as a result the General occupied more of his time and thoughts than he ought to have. The more time spent thinking about Hux, the less time he spent meditating on more pressing matters. And yet, so long as he kept his senses sharp, surely there would be no harm in-

 _‘There is no harm, provided you remain loyal and vigilant. The General must attend his duties as well, but so long as your desire leads you to power…do what you will with him,’_ came the reply, ringing in his ears.

Kylo grinned to himself. His former master had never understood the beauty of the dark side. He had been ordered to contain his emotions, suppress them, and not allow them to cloud his so called better judgement. He never understood how powerful Kylo’s emotions could make him. He did not seem to understand that bottling up all of the feelings took away everything that made him the person he was. Worst of all when it came to love, desire, anger, hate, fear, all of the strong feelings. If those were taken away from him, what would he become?

“Hello? Hey, bitchbucket.”

Kylo glanced down at Tarkin, who looked at him, brow furrowed, “Something really interesting about that wall that I’m missing out on?”

“I was communing with my Master,” said Kylo. Tarkin visibly recoiled and clutched her blaster tighter. Kylo grinned. He liked her better when she was in her place. He continued, “The bridge is beyond these doors. Try not to get shot again.”

“I won’t. Just make sure you take out the security monitors first. Huxy won’t be happy with us if footage of what we’re about to do gets out. You’ll be left with blue balls for a year, at least.”

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

Hux stood with General Sirus near the social gathering point known as the 'water cooler'.  He took a sip of water from a paper cup and looked over at the other General, "So...Tarkin seems...like herself." 

Sirus rolled his eyes, "I would willingly trade her for Lord Ren.  He seems much more manageable." 

Hux snorted, "He destroys everything in his path on a whim.  Consoles, Stormtroopers, sensitive equipment..." 

Sirus countered, "Tarkin destroys everything on whims and then I have to come up with a cover story so nobody thinks the First Order's Figurehead is a maniac." 

Ah, so he wanted to have a pissing contest.  Hux, never one to pass up on a challenge, continued, "The destruction is one thing though.  With his powers he can scramble the crew's brains from across the ship and leave them catatonic.  It's a massive headache." 

"Tarkin blew up an entire platoon once.  When someone pointed out it was one of _our_ platoons she just giggled and ordered me to sweep the whole thing under the rug." 

"Lord Ren once ran around the ship dressed up as a radar technician and acted like nobody would be able to tell it was him.  He killed several people during the incident and destroyed scores of sensitive instruments." 

"Tarkin ran around Coruscant dressed as her grand-uncle and declared herself the crown prince of Argyle sweaters.  It was a PR nightmare." 

"Wait...why are we arguing?  We're a couple of intelligent men with insane co-commanders...we should be putting our heads together and figuring out a way to get rid of them," said Hux. 

"Ah, so I won the argument?" asked Sirus slyly. 

Hux paused for a moment then continued, "I'm just saying we should stop arguing and work together. Also...Kylo Ren tries to mind control people into believing he has an eight pack." 

"Helmeena Tarkin says she has a ten pack.  That she's beyond shredded." 

Hux narrowed his eyes.  This argument was likely to go on for a while... 


	11. Ye'd better be quiet and still (Ye shan't have your liberty, do what ye will)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need to run to work in three freaking minutes so thanks to Eight for edits, thanks to everyone for reading and I'M GOING TO MISS MY BLOODY TRAIN AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

“Hello my fretful darlings~!”

Tarkin sang out her greeting as the blast doors opened. It was taking more energy than Ren liked to admit to restrain everyone on the bridge. He was so tired. The search for someone to lower the shields, restraining soldiers, the physical exertion of killing, lifting the elevator, and communing with his master had all taken its toll. He could feel his muscles beginning to resonate with his mental fatigue. His head hurt. He turned to the darkness to keep him going. He thought of Hux, fighting back, pushing thoughts of being ravished from his mind as he realized the futility of his struggling and held nice and still for him. It helped. If only Hux was at his side he could have fed off of the powerful darkness he exuded and the desire he felt when he looked at the General.

He would have to settle for Tarkin’s aura. It was still infectious, but now that she was not killing anyone it became less potent. Takin’s darkness was erratic, going from blazing to stagnant depending on the situation. Hux was better. His darkness was far-reaching, steady, and while it had its emotional shifts, Hux did all he could to keep his feelings contained and it kept the darkness around him stable. The result was his emotions punctuating the darkness without becoming overpowering, like a sweet perfume.

Unlike General Nohr’s surprise, which flooded the room and smacked Kylo’s senses. His flagship had somehow been compromised. How had the shields been lowered? How had a two man cell managed to cause so much death and destruction? Was the young woman, grinning like a feral animal and limbing from her wounds the same one who addressed him earlier with such polished propriety.

“Admiral Tarkin…” he said, unevenly, as if trying to confirm what he was witnessing.

“Hm? Oh, I suppose you was expecting that other girl. You wouldn’t like her, she’s completely out-her-ass insane,” said Tarkin with a shrug, her damaged arm flopping limply at her side,”Right, so, if the General here doesn’t want anyone else to die, he’ll call off his attack and come with us.”

Kylo released Nohr after Tarkin seized his weapon. The man raised his arms, testing them, before holding one out to Tarkin as if to give her a warning, “What have you done?”

“Killed everyone you posted on the way here mostly,” said Tarkin casually, examining Nohr’s blaster, “Care to surrender?”

“Never,” said Nohr.

“Oops.”

Tarkin fired the blaster, killing a frozen lieutenant. Good, Kylo thought, one less target to keep a hold of. The Admiral shrugged, “My finger slipped. I’ll ask again, care to surrender?”

Nohr’s eyes were wide. His flooding emotions turned to fear, along with those of his soldiers. Kylo could feel his shock at the brutality. The disbelief that a longtime comrade had been felled in cold blood. The horror that someone so young could be so brutal. The wretched anticipation as they wondered who might be next. It made things a little easier on Kylo. The more darkness the better.

Nohr took a step towards her, “Put the blaster down and we’ll negotiate.”

“Huxy tried that with you already, and you were quite rude to him. This is what we’re going to do. You and your fleet will surrender, you will personally become our hostage, and then we’re going to get a deal with your precious New Republic allowing us to look for the Resistance in your system,” said Tarkin, “And if you don’t, I will personally kill every man and woman on this bridge until you change your mind. Let’s start with this one.”

Tarkin sauntered over to another lieutenant, a tall brunette. She closed her eyes. Kylo could sense her preparing for the worst, praying that Nohr would not surrender but also that somehow…somehow she might live. She didn’t want to die. Tarkin set the blaster aside and pulled an odd-looking metal hook from her leggings. She held it up, “Ever seen this before? A souvenir from Tatooine. Do you know what it’s for?”

Tarkin rested the hook under the lieutenant’s nose, “When Sandpeople die they embalm their dead, but first they have to get all the organs out. This is what they use to remove the brain. They just shove it up the nose, scramble it around, and it all comes out quite cleanly. So, are you going to surrender or do you want to see her brains as badly as I do?”

“You’re a monster,” growled Nohr.

“Well, you heard the man. Sorry about your luck brown eyes,” said Tarkin dejectedly as she began shoving the hook up her nostril.

“Stop!”

Tarkin stopped. The lieutenant’s nose was bleeding. Nohr approached his control panel. He glared at Tarkin, who was looking incredibly satisfied with herself as he spoke over the intercom, “This is General Nohr. All units are to stand down immediately. All units stand down.”

Kylo let the crew go. The lieutenant sprang away from Tarkin. The Admiral approached Nohr as his crew looked apprehensively at Kylo. Kylo for his part was surprised the surrender came so easily. The Supreme Leader, Hux, they would never have been coerced by such a threat. He could sense the strong bonds between the General and his men. That must have been it. General Nohr had done a very foolish thing and had started to see his men as family instead of pawns.

Tarkin kept eye contact with Nohr and tapped lightly on the control panel, “General Hux, this is Admiral Tarkin. The New Republic Flagship is ours. Have all units stand down and send a Star Destroyer around to secure General Nohr.”

Hux’s voice sounded over the intercom, smooth and calm, but just a touch incredulous, “Yes Ma’am. All hands will stand down immediately.”

“See. It’s your fault they’re all dead you know. You could have just let us pursue the Resistance, but no, instead you make all this fuss,” said Tarkin, grinning, “You really should have listened to Huxy. Speaking of which…”

Takin placed her hand on the console again, “General Hux, I have General Nohr with me here. Is there anything you would like to say to him?”

There was a moment of silence. Kylo did not have to read his mind to know that Hux was thinking, reading the situation, the mood, knowing that his words would likely be passed on through the New Republic, its innocent people and the Resistance alike. His voice finally came, smooth and even, “I am very sorry we were forced to come to blows, however, we cannot allow ourselves to be compromised. If the New Republic crosses us again, the First Order will strike back.”

Nohr was furious, but like Hux usually did he tried to contain it. It was slipping though, and Kylo was elated when he saw the man’s hands shaking. The fear and anger was wonderful. Nohr replied, “You’re misguided children, and you have no idea what you’ve started.”

“We do,” said Tarkin, retracting her hand gingerly, “Though perhaps you don’t, siding with the Resistance slime. You have no idea what they are.”

Helmina pocketed her hook and reached up to her face. She pulled her mechanical eye from the socket, revealing the fleshy hole. She growled, “You think they’re good? You think they’re just? Why don’t you have a look at what your precious Resistance did to my face!?”

She looked up at Nohr savagely, letting him take in the sight, before she shoved the eye back in with a sickening squelching sound. Kylo could sense his shock at the sight, his disbelief that the Resistance would have done that. Kylo pulled out of his thoughts as Nohr refused to believe General Organa would sanction such an act on a prisoner of war. He was right though. _She_ never had the stomach for torture. This did not seem quite right.

Tarkin backed off, “Kylo, I’m bored and I need a drink. Help me cuff this bastard so we can go-”

A private. Hot blooded. Determined. About to fire. Kylo turned and seized him by the throat. Tarkin’s smile returned as she watched him float in the air, clawing at the invisible bonds around his neck, “Well well well, violating the ceasefire so soon? Dear oh dear…I get to use my new hook after all.”

“No!” cried Nohr. Kylo froze him.

“Oh hush and be grateful I’m only killing one of you. I mean, really, if you didn’t want people dying you shouldn’t have started a war. You heard Huxy,” said Helmeena, sauntering towards her victim, “If the New Republic crosses us, we will strike back. We always do you know…”

* * *

 

The Force on the flagship was cold. The only flecks of joy came from Tarkin as General Nohr was held, arms cuffed behind his back on his own bridge. The air around the ship lightened as The _Finalizer_ docked. Of course Hux would send his own men to secure the rest of the ship. Phasma had the entire ship under her control in record time as Stormtroopers captured the remaining New Republic Soldiers. As soon as the bridge had been secured Kylo felt confident in letting his mind rest. He had a massive headache, he had more than certainly overexerted his abilities.

He thought of returning to the _Finalizer_ , to his dark quarters, his meditation space, his Grandfather’s mask, but refrained. Hux was on the Admiral’s ship, the Helden. Hux had gave his word that they would negotiate taking their relationship further. Kylo did not want to miss that. He didn’t want to give Hux a chance to back out or avoid him. His Hux could be sneaky that way.

Instead of joining Phasma he followed Takin back to her assault ship. At least they would not have to weave through laser fire again. He sat down, exhausted. He wanted to take off his mask, but left it on. Tarkin had not seen his face yet, and though she had proven herself to be useful, she had not earned the privilege of seeing his face. Not yet. She might though. If she ever became inclined to be a little less rude to him, Kylo could see her as a companion. She was descended from his Grandfather’s old ally. That had to count for something.

Tarkin sparked the ship to life and drifted out of the hanger. She was exhausted as well, and despite getting her fill of violence, she radiated unhappiness. She could not understand why. She was closer to her revenge. She had her fun. She got to fight along-side a new ally with interesting powers. Why wasn’t she happy? Why was blood no longer satisfying her? She needed a drink. She needed sex. She needed sleep. She still wanted to die and could not fully understand why she felt that way. She needed to change the subject.

“So, I suppose you and Huxy will be having your own private celebration,” she said slyly. Kylo knew she was only trying to distract herself from the dark thoughts lingering in her mind.

Kylo sighed. If it would stop her from emitting that stagnant suicidal train of thought at him, “He’s nervous. He won’t let me.”

“You should drug him, that’s how I usually get people to sleep with me,” replied Tarkin.

Kylo rolled his eyes, “I told you, my power feeds off emotion. If all that’s coming off of a person is haze it’s not satisfying. That means no drugs and no alcohol.”

“What’s he got to be nervous about? It’s just sex,” said Tarkin, “Not like you’re sending him off to the front.”

“He’s a _virgin_ ,” said Kylo, spitting out the last word with irritation. He liked the idea of being the only one to be with Hux. That the man was his and nobody else had ever touched him with kindness, let alone desire. Thinking about Hux’s virginity and sexual inexperience was actually quite the turn on. Hux would be his, only his. More than that, Kylo would be the only one who knew General Hux, so stern and stoic, fell apart under gentle touches and whispers. But the man was taking forever to prepare himself…

“What? Really? Huxy’s never done it?” exclaimed Tarkin incredulously, “Isn’t he almost thirty!? How has he survived this…wait…on second thought, this sort of explains everything. Always was a bit of a grump. He could probably use a good hard fucking.”

Kylo wondered at the day’s chain of events. Meeting Tarkin, dealing with Hux, slaughtering tens if not hundreds, only to return to his normal life, chattering idly about his sexual prospects. He felt something inside himself. None of the men captured or killed would return to normal. Nobody who saw combat today would go back to normal, not any time soon. Kylo quickly banished the thought. That was the light. The light had no place in his mind. Not here. Not now. He thought about Hux’s scent and how easy it was to make him shiver and squirm. That seemed to help. The call faded slightly at that.

“So what’s he waiting for? A bouquet of flowers, pretty music, moonlight dinner and dance?” asked Tarkin.

Kylo snorted. The idea of Hux wanting any of that was stupid. Hux’s idea of fun consisted of complex puzzles, training, studying and thinking of weapon designs. He would probably sneer at the thought of being romanced when his time could be put to better use. The knight replied, “It’s just nerves. He’s afraid I’m going too fast.” Kylo’s voice darkened, “Keeps worrying I’ll force him.”

“Did you ask if he wanted it?”

“Yes, but he keeps lying about it.”

“Did you say you wouldn’t hurt him?”

“Of course. I’m not a monster.”

“Does he like it?” asked Tarkin slyly.

Kylo grinned, “He _loves_ it.”

The Admiral grinned, “Care to elaborate on how much he loves it?”

Kylo did not mind telling her. She was crazy. If she said anything nobody would believe her, they would think she was telling a bawdy joke. Besides, he had not been presented with many opportunities to brag about just how much he could elicit from the General, and with such little effort. The only people he had to talk to were his Master and Hux. Hux got ridiculously upset when he was talked about like that, and his Master, while always ready to listen, was not exactly the same as having someone his own age to talk to. It occurred to Kylo that he never had this. A peer his own age who agreed with him and he could talk to so easily. He liked it. Tarkin still had her annoying points, but it was the first time he felt this particular sort of attachment before.  

He grinned, purring to himself behind the mask, “He turns into a shivering mess from the slightest touches. I haven’t even gotten his clothes off. Just touching his neck or back makes him blush and squirm.”

“Then he can’t _not_ want it,” reasoned Tarkin, “Not if that’s how he’s reacting. Sounds like he’s touch starved and nervous. He just needs a little push. I know. I’ll set you up. I’m probably going to have to give another damned address, but after that I made Huxy promise to drink with me. You come too. I’ll see if I can get him a bit more receptive.”

“No drugs,” warned Kylo, “And I don’t want him drunk.”

“I know, I know,” said the Admiral. As they approached the Helden and her personal hanger she looked back at the flagship. She was not concerned for the men she had killed. She did not regret it. They had all deserved what they got and more. And yet she felt drawn to it. Why? Why wasn’t she satisfied with it anymore? She shifted her train of thoughts.

“I think I’ve got an idea. You ever heard of pyx root?” asked Tarkin.

“I don’t want him drugged,” repeated Ren.

“It’s not a drug, it’s a catalyst. It makes alcohol react faster and stronger than normal. Processes so you get off your ass drunk quick but sober up just as fast. It makes parties pretty entertaining,” explained Tarkin, “Let’s see, Huxy’s tall, but doesn’t seem to have much meat on him. If you want him out fast we’ll have to give him something strong to get him stupid right away so we can keep him drinking.”

Hux had been much more compliant when he was drunk, but still too incoherent for Kylo’s liking.

Tarkin leaned against the control board, “No, see, this is the plan. We have some fun, get him completely smashed, have a few laughs, and then put him to bed. When he comes to, you tell him you didn’t fuck him while he was passed out, and he’ll be so touched by it there’s no way he’d say no. Hell, we can even make it look like you rescued him for good measure. He’ll be so grateful he’ll probably agree to just about anything.”

That…was a surprisingly good plan.

* * *

 

Tarkin landed the assault vessel in the hangar and sighed as she strapped her boots back on. She was thinking about the painstaking process of being transformed into her other self, that Alter Ego and having to make another speech. She was so tired. She did not want to do it. It was her job. She was a figurehead. Her Tarkin blood had made it impossible for her to be seen as anything else by the First Order. She had been chosen by the Supreme Leader himself for the task of becoming a figure to be rallied behind. She could have her blood and live comfortably provided she attended her task. If she disappointed him…She pushed the thought aside and thought about how insufferable it was going to be to have to have her hair tugged and primped twice in the same day.

Kyo closed his eyes and sensed Hux approaching. His steady, unyielding darkness, tempered with conflicting satisfaction of a task completed with the desired outcome and apprehension of the coming night. Kylo particularly revelled in the latter. It was going to be wonderful when Hux abandoned this silly hang-up of his, but Kylo would miss that particular feeling. Perhaps it would not fade right away. There was an awful lot he wanted to do with the General…it would take some time before all that shyness was stripped away from him. It could be fun, peeling back layer after layer, and just when Hux thought he could not be defiled any further, Kylo would peel back another. He wanted to see Hux free from all his propriety and restraint, blushing and moaning while he begged for more.

Tarkin straightened her tunic only slightly before getting up. She had cheered herself slightly. She was thinking about that night and what she might be able to do to play matchmaker. She had never done it before. It might be an interesting diversion.

She left the assault ship and Ren followed. He did not want to kill her anymore. She had no interest in Hux, going so far as to help Ren with his pursuit. Hux had no interest in her outside of her usefulness, so there was no need to go so far as killing her. She was really a pathetic creature. She would likely die soon enough and Kylo felt strangely saddened by that. He thought he might even miss her a little if her urges to kill herself ever got the better of her.

Hux was waiting in the hangar, General Sirus beside him, not entirely pleased. Kylo detected jealously coming off him in spades, partly for his victory, and partly because Hux would leave the ship soon and leave him alone trying to manage Tarkin by himself. Kylo sighed. People had such loud, petty thoughts. Even Hux had them from time to time, which was a pity, but understandable.

Tarkin grinned widely and raised her right hand, her left flopping uselessly at her side as she called out, “Huxy! Nice trick with the lasers. Using a Culloden strike and blasting them to bits.”

Hux was surprised by this, Kylo sensed it. He did not think Tarkin had ever bothered with studying tactics or strategy of any sort. He replied with his usual quick politeness, “I’m honored you noticed such a detail, Ma’am.”

“I’d say that earns a group hug! Come here Huxy!”

Hux was panicking inside his mind and Kylo loved every second of it. Hux did not want Tarkin touching him. She was covered in blood. He had a hard enough time coming to terms with hugs as it was. It would take forever to clean his uniform. He wanted her to stop, “Ma’am, I hardly think that’s appropriate.”

“Group hug!” snapped Tarkin, more insistently, “Come on Kylo, get in here!”

Hux’s panic spiked and Kylo felt his desire build. Hux in a panic always felt wonderful. He strode over to where the Generals stood, opening his arms, “Yes, come on _Huxy_ , humor the Admiral.”

Hux glowered at Ren, and was so focused on him that he was startled when Tarkin slammed her tiny, mostly mechanical body into him, wrapping her good arm around his waist. Hux froze, feeling blood seep into his tunic. He was disgusted, he was angry, and Kylo wanted to feel more. He slipped past Hux, grabbing him from behind and nuzzling against his face and hair, smearing the blood of his enemies all over him. Marring that perfect doll-like porcelain with red. Spoiling him. Marking him. Kylo could not help the overwhelming possessiveness he felt for Hux, manifesting of its own accord into one word. _Mine_.

Hux gasped and glared. He must have overheard. Probably not for the first time.

“Sirus why aren’t you in this group hug?”

“Well, Ma’am, it doesn’t seem right since I wasn’t really involve-”

“Damn it Sirus you will hug us and you will like it you miserable shit!”

Hux maintained his rigid posture as the other General awkwardly put his arms around the three. Kylo chuckled softly into Hux’s ear. He shivered, and when Hux shivered Kylo felt it empathically. If Tarkin and her General had not been present, Kylo would have had half a mind to shove Hux to the floor and have him right there in the hanger. Perhaps not the tenderest location for their first time together, but at least it would have been memorable. Hux seemed to feel better now. All pain and damage from his fall was gone. He was back to top form and the battle was over. There would be no distractions, nothing to inhibit them. Hux had no more excuses.

And Hux, clenching his fists, pressing his gloved fingertips into his palms, seemed at least marginally aware of that.

 _Good_ , thought Ren, wishing he could press a kiss to his General’s hair.

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

 

With both fleets disengaged, Hux was left to stand on the bridge in a state of disbelief.  They had done it.  Ren and Tarkin had actually taken the flagship.  He was almost too surprised to be disappointed they had both survived. 

"They actually did it..." observed Hux. 

"It seems that way," confirmed Sirus. 

The two Generals exchanged a look.  Even without the Force they understood exactly what the other was thinking.  Takin was coming back alive.  That meant she would want to subject one or both of them to one of her infamous drinking parties.  She was going to come back and one or both of them was about to be, in all likelihood, drugged, disgraced, killed, or all three. 

The two Generals pulled a pair of violins from their respective hammer-spaces.  Hux looked about the bridge at the crew who were stunned at the sudden appearance of musical instruments and the resigned looks on the Generals' faces.  Hux addressed them with as much calmness and dignity as he could muster, "Gentlemen, it has been an honour serving with you." 

They nodded at each other and began playing a heart-rending 'Nearer my God to Thee.' 

"Um...what are they doing...?" asked a Petty Officer. 

"Oh, you must be new.  They do that sometimes, just ignore them," said the Lieutenant, waving a hand dismissively, "And be thankful they don't have backup dancers this time." 


	12. We'll Give 'em a Slip and Take a Sip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I want to put a MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING here for DATE RAPE DRUGS. Basically in this chapter a character gets slipped something. This is, unfortunately, something that happens very frequently. If you find this situation triggering, you may want to give this chapter a miss. 
> 
> Bonus Stupidity TBAdded when I get home from work. I'll try not to miss my train this time *determined face*

Hux had not been given a chance to see the rooms he would be occupying that night. He wished he could have, if only for a moment to decompress, change out of his blood soaked uniform and wipe the dried coagulated mess from his face. Damn Ren. He must have enjoyed himself immensely. The knight could not even give him enough freedom to celebrate his victory. His first command over a whole fleet, and it had been a resounding success. Admittedly he owed the speed with which he had won to Tarkin and Ren for storming the flagship, but even without them he was confident he could have forced a surrender from them all on his own.  

He sat in Tarkin’s quarters, which might have been much like his own if not for the mess. The furniture had been scratched, as if by a wild animal. There were multicolored stains on the floor and filthy handprints all over the walls. Dirty clothing had been tossed everywhere, along with stray tokens from well-wishers and admirers. Never touched or opened. Hux noticed the only things that had been cared for at all in the room were weapons. Tarkin had amassed quite the collection of arms from various systems and planets. There were many he could recognize, and just as many he could not.

Ren stood by the door. He had not spoken at all, which was just as well, but it made Hux nervous. He felt like a prisoner awaiting his sentence. When they had last spoke Ren had given the unclear stipulation of ‘having him’ which was vague enough to mean anything. Hux knew tonight he would have to allow Ren to go further than he had in the past. He could not afford to let Ren have an outburst in a place like this. Besides, Ren had obeyed his orders, he had helped the First Order achieve a great victory. Hux knew the Knight of Ren expected a reward. Hux knew he had agreed to reward him. Yet somehow he could still not make the circumstances seem right in his mind.

Hux detected movement in one of the piles of clothing. A creature he had never seen before and had not noticed among the debris rose and stepped from behind its mound of cloth. The quadruped was small, less than knee height, with orange fur and a long, slender tail. It looked at Hux with its large, green eyes, before giving a little sniff with its pink nose and sat down before it began to lick itself.

“Ren…” said Hux slowly, “What is that?”

“I don’t know, but I think it lives here,” replied the knight.

High ranking officers were allowed to have pets, but Hux did not see any wisdom in it. One should never bring anything with them on board as ship they were not prepared to lose. What was more, having something so precious nearby could interfere with a soldier’s judgement. In a moment of crisis they might run off to secure a beloved pet or child instead of obeying orders. It was the reason family members and spouses were not allowed to serve on the same ship and fraternization laws were in place.

The orange creature stopped grooming itself and began trotting towards Hux. It stopped, sitting at his feet before making a series of insistent grunts.

“Go away…” said Hux, attempting to shove it with his boot. The animal rubbed its fact on his foot instead, drooling all over it. Ren laughed.

The impertinent creature jumped on his leg and placed its paws on Hux’s shoulders, sniffing his face. Hux seized the thing under its two front legs and dropped it back on the floor. It jumped back up and started lapping at his face. So the thing liked the taste of blood. Wonderful.

“Off!” snapped Hux, shoving it. He hissed as the animal dug a set of retractable claws into his leg, desperate to hold onto his perch. Hux groaned as it returned to alternatively sniffing and licking the bloodstain, “Fine. Go ahead. You’re hardly the first animal to kiss me without permission...”

“It’s curious about you, and you’re in its spot,” explained Ren, “It wants you to pet it.”

“Of course it does,” groaned Hux. He put a hand on the thing’s head, “You insufferable little creature…”

“And on the topic of red haired creatures who don’t mind a firm touch…” purred Ren, trailing off.

Hux pushed the creature away from his face. Its whiskers tickled. He sighed, “We still have to decide the terms, don’t we…”

“You’re better, there’s nothing pressing to distract you. It’s a good time, don’t you think?” said Ren, drifting across the floor around piles of mess.

Hux let the little creature settle itself in his lap. It was shedding, little orange hairs covered his uniform as it pressed its nose into another bloodstain and started purring. The thing vibrated against his thighs and Hux tried not to be alarmed. He had more pressing matters to deal with, “Ren is there…There has to be something else you want.”

“You agreed,” said Ren quietly. Hux could not help but think Ren sounded like a predator, ready to snap him up in its jaws and swallow him whole, “And you offered to do something for me…”

He thought of Ren’s list. There might be plenty of things that were not quite sex that might satisfy him, perhaps one of those words he did not understand was something mostly harmless. Hux tried to work it together, piece it into something that could almost be satisfactory. He felt Ren, who was now standing behind him, lean forward, placing his hands on Hux’s shoulders, kneading them and tugging at his tunic, “Hux I want you so badly…”

Lust was a common side effect of a post-victory high. After a triumph in the field a conquering hero expected he could continue in the bedroom. Hux had never experienced it, but he knew others, like Ren, did. He had to think. What was permissible without going too far? Without giving too much?

The door slammed open and the creature started, once again poking its claws into Hux’s leg. The General hissed. Admiral Tarkin staggered into the room and groaned, “This day has been too damned long. Come here Millie.”

Tarkin opened her good arm and stared at the orange creature in Hux’s lap. She scowled at it, “Or stay there. That’s fine. Little orange bitch…”

Hux picked up the animal and got to his feet, supposing he might bring it to the Admiral. Tarkin pointed to him, “I see you’ve met Millicent. You can keep her if you want.”

“I wouldn’t impose,” said Hux, not wanting this ‘Millicent’ either.

“Sirus makes me take care of her. Says I shouldn’t have gotten a pet if I couldn’t handle the responsibility,” said Tarkin bitterly.

“I’m not sure you hate her as much as you think,” said Ren. Hux sighed. He must have been reading the Admiral’s mind. The man had no boundaries.

Tarkin sighed, “She’s alright I guess, I just wasn’t expecting her to be so needy. I can’t even train her to attack intruders. She just gives cuddles and kisses to everyone but me. I try being her friend but she does whatever she wants. Knew I should have gotten a Nexu…”

Hux put the thing down and it rubbed its face on his leg. A Nexu would have destroyed the ship and was too large to be contained in an officer’s quarters. Tarkin’s childish grin returned, “Aw, she likes you Huxy.”

“I’m honoured she has taken such a liking to me Ma’am,” replied Hux.

“Uh-huh…”

Without warning Tarkin took her blaster from her hip and fired several shots. Hux stood frozen. The animal yowled and hid under a pile of clothing. He looked at the couch, half of it shot to pieces. Tarkin gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth, “Oh no! My couch was destroyed during the battle! Looks like there’s only room for two people to sit down…”

Hux could only stare at the now smouldering piece of furniture. Ren, seemingly unperturbed, sat down in the chair that had not been shot at. Tarkin skipped over to Hux and patted him amiably on the chest, “Looks like you’re going to have to sit in his lap. It’s the only way…”

It did not take long for Hux to realize that the knight and the admiral had formed a coalition of insanity.

“Perhaps I’ll retire,” said Hux, “It has been a most trying-”

“You promised you’d drink with me Huxy. Sit,” said the Admiral, jabbing a finger into his chest. Hux swore he felt something sharp and pointed under her touch. No, that would have been ridiculous. Who would put pressure-sensitive, retractable claws in a prosthetic arm? Then he remembered this was Grand Admiral Hell Raiser and it all made sense. So he had a choice to drink with her or get stabbed in the chest. Was this really the hill he wanted to die on? The Admiral glared up at him, “Just if you have time, if you’re not too busy.”

Hux tried not to scowl. He failed, “Never too busy for you, Ma’am…”

He stepped towards Ren, glowering down at him. He could feel Ren smiling behind his mask, eyes raking over him. Hux did not want to sit in his lap. He had never sat across anyone’s legs like this before and did not want to start now. Crossing his arms, he watched Ren reach up and grab at his tunic, playing with the hem between his thumb and forefinger, pulling at it suggestively. Hux looked at Ren’s legs, wondering how on earth he was supposed to begin positioning himself. Thankfully though, he would be drunk soon. If he got drunk enough Ren would not want him, and if he paced himself well, he might be able to stay drunk all night and hold Ren off until they made it back to the _Finalizer_.

“This is ridiculous,” muttered Hux.

“No it’s not, you’re just not drunk enough to see it yet,” assured Tarkin, she slipped a glass into his hand, “Get yourself good and buzzed and it’ll all make perfect sense.”

Hux examined the drink carefully. He had been warned about Tarkin’s private drinking parties. He had seen what they did to people. If she tried to drug him it would only surprise him so much. He wished he could have poured the liquor himself but the bottle seemed fresh. Nothing could have been slipped into it if the seal had not even been broken. Even so, there was no residual powder on the glass, the colour of the liquid itself was the typical light amber of an Arkanisian malt whiskey. Taking a sniff nothing about it seemed off. He sipped it gingerly. It tasted like paint. Then again, Hux found that all strong liquors tasted like paint.

“If it tastes bad you can water it down,” said Tarkin, pointing to a pitcher on the table, “What is it they say…a few drops opens up the flavor? I don’t know, it’s some shit that people who really like their drink say.”

“Is that so?” asked Hux curtly. Watering the drink down actually was not a terrible idea. It would help him to pace himself a little better. He added a generous helping to the drink, probably whiskey and Tarkin giggled. Hux regarded her with a raised eyebrow before she stopped her sniggering and poured another glass.

Tarkin handed Ren a drink, which he accepted and set on the arm of the chair beside him to take off his mask. Tarkin let out a shriek, “Holy dick!”

Ren glared at her, “What?”

“Shit, you’re not a fuckface, you’re a goddamned fetusface!” exclaimed the Admiral. She looked quickly at Hux then back at Ren, trying to guess their ages presumably, “Emperor Palpatine’s _balls_ how old are you!? If you’re twelve I’m calling this whole shin-dig off!”

“I’m twenty-five!” spat Ren, “I’m probably older than you are!”

“Heh, actually we’re the same age. That’s okay then,” said Tarkin with some relief. She was flushing slightly as she sat back on the part of the couch that had not been ‘destroyed in battle.’ Opening her shirt more she massaged her fingertips into her shoulder. The arm came off with a click, revealing a metal socket. She laid the arm across her lap, “So long as you’re standing Huxy, be a doll and get my tools. They’re on the top shelf in the closet.”

Hux gave an affirmative nod and went to the closet. He did not spend much time looking around, it was filled with clutter that threatened to spill out into the room. As he opened the door, Millicent darted inside. He sighed. It was just as well. It was probably for the best if the poor thing hid there until after the heavy drinking was done. Millicent made a nest for herself on a discarded, shimmering blue-green dress. Hux retrieved the box and left the door open, just a crack, so she could let herself out if she needed.

He passed Tarkin the box. She opened it taking a knife, began the process of scraping away burnt fake flesh from the blaster wound. Hux noticed as he had passed it to her he hardly felt the box slip from his hand. Perhaps the whiskey was stronger than expected, which was odd considering the amount of water he had added. He would have to be careful and drink a little more slowly.

Hux sipped his drink. Ren had finished his, probably pounded it back like an undisciplined cadet. Tarkin stopped her work to pour herself a drink. Hux’s eyes widened, “Ma’am…is that…industrial sanitizing fluid?”

“Yeah, well, my liver was failing, so instead of giving me a transplant that I’d just destroy anyways, I got this fancy cybernetic one. It works good. So good that this is the only stuff that can get me drunk,” laughed Tarkin, taking a long swig. She paused, “Oh, sorry, did you want some?”

“No thank you, Ma’am,” said Hux quietly.

“Just how much of you is machine anyways?” asked Kylo, looking her over with interest. Hux wondered briefly whether Ren still wanted to kill the Admiral. It did not seem like it, and Hux was slightly sorry for that. Slightly. At least he would not have to explain away their deaths to the Supreme Leader. _‘Terribly sorry Supreme Leader, your apprentice and the symbolic head of the First Order are dead because they got caught in a squabble over my affections.’_ That was not a conversation Hux wanted to have any time soon.

Kylo pressed further, “Darth Vader was mostly machine towards the end of his life. Was he more mechanical than you are?”

“I think so. But technology has gotten better in the last few years. I’m glad I don’t need a breathing filter, for one thing,” said Tarkin, “Let’s see…both my arms at the shoulder, my right leg at the thigh, my left below the knee, my liver, my lungs have been patched up a lot, kidneys, esophagus, and I have a reinforced metal trachea.”

“A metal trachea?” asked Kylo incredulously.

“My neck got stomped on…one…maybe two years ago in a scrap. Needed a new one. And now it doubles as a failsafe against being strangled.”

“Really?” said Kylo, stretching out a hand.

Tarkin glanced down, “Oh come on bitchbucket you’ll have to squeeze harder than that.”

Hux did not want to be made a part of this. He stood in the corner, sipped his whiskey and hoped one of them died as his mind became strangely clouded. He knew he was not drinking too quickly, only taking small ginger sips to placate the Admiral and deter the knight. Something here was not quite horribly wrong, but not quite right either.  

Ren laughed hysterically as Tarkin was lifted into a standing position, still able to speak, “I can still breathe asshole! Harder you pansy bastard!”

Ren eventually gave up. He must have been laughing too hard. Tarkin took her seat again, sniggering and looked up at Hux, “You should sit down.”

“I’m perfectly content standing Ma’am.”

“Sit. Down.” repeated Tarkin, with a smile so sharp Hux might have cut himself on it.

Hux drained the last his glass, there was barely enough left to wet his lips, and wondered at the heavy feeling in his head. He had studied the effects of drugs and knew that this was not really a match for any of them. It was like he had just consumed four drinks in rapid succession, but he knew he only had one. He had not heard of any liquor that was strong enough to have that effect. He felt strangely dizzy, and walked as straight a line as he could to Ren, wondering if he might be able to perch himself on the arm of the chair instead.

“You look warm General,” taunted Ren, coming down from his laughing fit.

“I’ll get him some ice,” Tarkin chimed in.

Hux crossed his arms again. They felt leaden against each other. He scolded, “Look, I don’t want to sit in your lap.”

“There’s only one chair Hux, I’m too heavy for you to be comfortable and you can’t sit on the Admiral” said Ren with a smile. He patted his leg. Hux’s nose instinctively wrinkled. He was not going to hop down on it like some lapdog. He whispered, “And like hell I’d let her sit in your lap.”

“Move over then,” Hux argued back.

Suddenly no less than four gallons of ice water was tossed on his back.

Hux turned sharply and in his haze actually glared at the Admiral. Tarkin looked at the bucket in her hand, then realized that she had forgotten to throw away the evidence. She tossed it behind the smouldering remains of the couch she had shot. She cried out, “Oh no! Someone splashed ice water on Huxy during the battle! Looks like he has to take off his tunic. It’s the only way…”

“Clearly,” said Kylo grinning.

“Absolutely,” concurred Tarkin.

“That’s the only thing he can do.”

“No other solution. We checked.”

Hux looked at Tarkin, then at Ren, “So you’ve both decided to gang up on me have you?”

“No, no, no,” said Tarkin, refilling the glass Hux left on the table, “It’s just a series of unfortunate accidents. Better take that off before you get sick.”

“We’re not outdoors, I won’t catch cold,” argued Hux as the glass was forced back into his hand. He did not notice who had done it. He felt his collar suddenly loosen.

He looked down and reached for it with his free hand. The clasp had popped open. He watched the second one unhook itself all on his own. He looked down and saw Ren, grinning, waving his hand lightly. Hux was drunk and too fascinated with the sight to be angry. He tried refastening the clasps, but Ren was faster than his fumbling fingers, and popping the large silver buckle Hux’s belt fell to the floor and his tunic opened slightly.

“Quite the parlour trick,” observed Hux drolly.

“You look tired,” said Tarkin, who had returned to her seat, her broken arm laid across her lap and the whole damned bottle of sanitizing fluid in her hand, “You should sit down.”

He stumbled towards Ren. Had he been sober he would have probably refused again, found a way to argue around it, found some reason that he needed to return to the _Finalizer_. Instead he dropped himself, hard and fast, into Ren’s lap. He had been aiming to elbow him in the groin but caught his thigh instead. Hux looked up at him, face flushed but still serious, “Oops.”

Ren hissed before his pained expression gave way to wicked grinning, “You’re getting me wet.”

“Serves you right,” muttered Hux. He drank from his glass. He could have sworn he had half drained it, why was it full again? He was losing count of how much he had. This was not right. No matter what he was always able to recall numbers with ease. He should have been able to remember.

“Let me…” Ren began. He chewed on his lip before steeling his nerves, “Let me help get that off of you.”

“No,” said Hux, petulantly swatting his hand, “If I do you’ll just try to have your naughty way with me.”

“General!” cried Tarkin, “How dare you accuse us of such debauchery!?”  

Ren slowly worked his hand into Hux’s open tunic and the General’s whole body jerked at the sensation. He threw his head back and he stifled something between a hiss and a groan at the sudden, unwanted contact.

Ren grinned knowingly at Tarkin before returning his attention back to Hux, watching him intently as he slid a hand over his chest, pushing the tunic out of the way to show more of the regulation shirt underneath it. Hux, for his part, was too drunk to be afraid. He was annoyed, he felt overheated, and despite the ice water that had been splashed across him and the open tunic he was hot. Ren’s hands on him were practically burning. Yet watching the hands, with their long slender fingers he was strangely entranced by them. They were so large. One of Ren’s hands could wrap firmly around his side and hold him in place. Still, it was too hot for this…

“Stop it,” groaned Hux, “It’s too warm.”

“Help me get this off then,” said Ren.

“Don’t touch me,” slurred Hux irately, “I know how this works. You drugged me didn’t you? Slipped a little something into my drink?”

Tarkin gasped, “Why, Huxy, we would never!”

“Pyx root…” mumbled Hux drunkenly, his brain conjuring up memories of female cadets speaking in hushed voices and warning each other to watch their drinks in case someone tried to… Hux touched the tip of Ren’s nose with his gloved finger, “’t’s a date-rape drug you know…that’s how they classi…class…call them.”

“Shh, no, no, no,” chided Tarkin, “We wouldn’t do that. The bottle was fresh, remember? There was nothing in it or else we’d all be sloshed. We’re much more respectable than you give us credit for. Nobody’s going to have their wicked way with you while you’re drunk.”

“I promised I wouldn’t Hux. You’re drunk, so I’ll let it go this once, but I told you not to say things like that,” the knight reminded him, trying to tug the tunic over the General’s shoulders. He cooed gently, “You’re so pretty…I’d have to be some sort of monster to even think about forcing you.” Hux felt his chin being tilted back and fingers on his jaw, “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

“You two are precious together,” replied Tarkin.

“Stop…it’s hot…I don’t like this…” protested Hux with a groan. If the whiskey hadn’t been drugged then…Hux glanced at the pitcher of water on the table. He was the only one who had touched it all evening…

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re hot, so let me help you cool off,” insisted Ren.

Despite his drunken protests Ren had slipped the tunic over his shoulders. Not wanting his arms trapped for…some reason…Hux wriggled out of the sleeves. He regretted it instantly. Now it was far too cold. Ren was like a furnace underneath him but the air around him was practically freezing. Ren laid a hand across his chest and slowly, painfully, slid it downwards. Hux’s back arched and he found himself latching onto Ren to keep from falling off the chair. He felt something wet splash him and he gasped. He had poured the damned whiskey all over himself. He had forgotten he was still holding a glass.

Ren stopped, looked down at him and turned that stupid shade of pink again. Hux tried to look for the thing that had made Ren react that way, but all he saw was his clinging, whiskey soaked undershirt. Ren took the glass from his hand and floated it over to the table. The bottle, seemingly of its own accord, poured a fresh glass. Hux glowered drunkenly up at Ren, “So it was _you_ getting me drunk…”

“You’re accusing us of an awful lot General. Keep that up and you’ll be spouting treason before the night is up,” warned Tarkin. She spoke more quietly to Ren, “Think he’s sloshed enough yet?”

“I knew it!” snapped Hux, pointing his gloved finger at Tarkin and grinning stupidly, “I knew you had a stra…tac…plan! Get me drunk so you can do…things...” Hux trailed off and flailed his arms about in an attempt to pantomime what sex must look like. The glass slipped from his numb hand and shattered against a wall.  

Tarkin shrugged flippantly and set her arm aside and got up. Ren chuckled, “I’ll wait until you’ve sobered. We just wanted you to loosen up a bit. Make sure you had a good time.”

“Ren, if I throw up because of whatever you did to that drink, I am going to aim it all over you,” threatened Hux, trailing a finger over Ren’s cheek, “I have very good aim…best Sniper at Arkanis Academy…”

“You two are adorable,” said Tarkin. Hux felt something rain down on top of his head and stomach. He looked down. Tarkin had dropped over a dozen packets of protectors all over him. Hux made an undignified cry of disgust and lethargically brushed them off of him. He glared up at Tarkin who shrugged, “What? Safety first, right?”

Ren hooked an arm under Hux’s arms and legs and lifted him. He looked down at Tarkin, “Can you take my mask and his clothes?”

“Sure, I’ll show you to your lover’s suite,” said Tarkin.

Not having consumed a drink in the last few minutes, Hux was beginning to have a vague notion that what was happening was not something he really wanted to happen. He was also slowly beginning to realize that fighting back was an option. Too disoriented to move effectively he pressed weakly at Ren’s chest and watched the lights above him. It was like the concussion, but less painful. Being utterly senseless was actually quite pleasant. He was still cold though.

He did not remember going very far. He remembered Ren prompting him to put his arms around his neck to make carrying him a little easier. If Hux had been the one doing the lifting and carrying, this was hardly the position he would have chosen to do it in. So impractical.

Tarkin stopped at a room before suddenly exclaiming, “Oh no! An assassin! He went in there!”

Hux heard a loud explosion and started, latching onto Ren more firmly. Was that…was that a carbine launcher?

Tarkin stumbled out of the room, “I’ve subdued the assassin, but one of the beds was destroyed during the fight! Looks like you two are going to have to share a bed. It’s the only way…”

“Did you just use a…with…how?” stammered Hux drunkenly.

“Goodnight Huxy,” said Tarkin cheerfully. She whispered to Ren, “The hangover’s going to come hard and fast. There’s some pain pills in the refresher cabinet. He’ll be good to go in five after he takes it then you’ll be all set for rumpy-pumpy.”

“There will be no rumpy-pumpy on my watch!” declared Hux, half unconscious, slapping at Ren’s face lightly as he was carried into the bedroom.

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

 

General Sirus settled into bed and was thankful to have escaped the Grand Admiral's little drinking party.  It seemed with a new General onboard, Tarkin's attentions had turned to him.  At least that upstart Hux made a good chew toy for the Admiral, allowing him to enjoy a much needed night-

"Holy shit Sirus you won't believe it!" 

Helmeena Tarkin stumbled into his quarters, nearly falling over, a nearly empty bottle of industrial sanitizing fluid in her hand.  Tarkin drunkenly staggered over to the bed, her upper body flopping onto it as her legs gave out underneath her.  She giggled as she rolled over, crashing to the floor beside the bed and took a swig of the cleaning fluid. 

"I'm an agent of love Sirus.  I *urp* I'm doing love's work.  I set them up Sirus.  I set them up good," explained Tarkin. 

"How wonderful for you ma'am..." said Sirus cautiously. 

"I got him drunk, and now they're gonna have sex.  Lots of sex.  All the sex..." said Tarkin, waving her arms around before giggling, "I should have installed a camera.  Bet it'll be hot..." 

Sirus groaned.  He supposed this would be just one more mess to clean up.  He wondered who the poor underlings the Admiral had duped were this time. 

"Hey Sirus...you think it's too late for us?  Will we ever find love?" asked Tarkin. 

Sirus reached for the can of mace under his pillow.  Tarkin might only have one eye, but it could still feel the sting of the spray.  "Ma'am, I'm not interested in your proposition." 

"I meant me and Millicent you dumb shit," slurred Tarkin.  She held her hands up as if they were scales, "I mean, she's a cat, I'm a Grand Admiral, and the universe seems determined to keep us apart, but I think we could make it work." 

Sirus breathed a sigh of relief as the Admiral sat up, "Did you really think I meant you?" 

"Well, you did say 'we' ma'am, so for a moment-" Sirus began. 

"Fuck, you dumb sack-of-shit, nobody likes you!  Stop forgetting!" snapped Tarkin. 

Tarkin flopped back to the floor and Sirus lay in bed.  So much for his alone time... 


	13. There's Many a Man That's Worse than He, Then Why Should I Complain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, first of all, trigger warning, trigger warning TRIGGER WARNING!!! There is noncon in this chapter. There are thoughts about it that Hux has afterwards that some might find hit a little too close to home. If this sort of thing upsets you, you might want to give this chapter a miss. Also, due to the content, I thought tacking bonus stupidity to the ending would be in poor taste. However, it's something people have come to look forward to, and after reading heavy stuff, some people find they need a laugh. That said, the Bonus Stupidity will have it's own chapter so those who want it can still read it, but if anyone needs to sit and be quiet for a little while can do that. 
> 
> AND some housekeeping! I'm moving in August so guys, I'm swamped. Eight is pretty swamped too with work. So Updates are going to have to be spaced out a little. I'm hoping for every 10 days or so. Unfortunately we just can't do weekly updates at the moment.

Hux barely remembered a thing. He remembered the couch being blown up, being told to sit in Ren’s lap, refusing, getting that tool box, then…not much of anything.

He did not remember passing out or waking up. All he knew was he had a splitting headache and he had misplaced his tunic somewhere. With a sudden realization he bolted up, ignoring the pain in his head as he checked his clothing. Aside from his belt and tunic he was fully clothed. He looked beside him. Ren lay on the bed next to him, also thankfully clothed, a pleasant flush across his nose. Hux touched the back of his undershirt. Why was it wet? For that matter why was his front also wet? He groaned.

Ren passed him a small oblong capsule with a tentative smile. Hux squinted at it blearily before recognizing it as a standard pain pill and accepted it, swallowing it dry with some difficulty. He looked at Ren, “What happened?”

“You got very, very drunk,” explained Ren, “And I carried you here.”

Hux looked over at the space that ought to have been occupied by another bed. There was a smoking crater in its place. He stared at Ren and pointed to the floor. Ren shrugged, “There was an assassin. Tarkin took care of him while I protected you.”

Hux’s eyes widened. An assassination attempt? He wondered out loud, “Good god, how drunk was I?”

“Very,” said Ren, leaning into the bed, “And being the thoughtful person I am, I decided to hold off on our fun until you were sober. I could have had you while you were passed out, but I didn’t.”

Hux bit the inside of his cheek. Ren seemed very pleased with himself, was that going to be one more thing the knight expected a reward for? It was decent of him, to be sure, but Hux had a hard time accepting that not forcing oneself on a person passed out from drinking meant one ought to be rewarded with sex. The pain pill was beginning to kick in though and the ache was subsiding. His mouth felt like it had a layer of fuzz in it and his stomach felt strangely empty. These were minor complaints compared to Ren bearing down on him though.

This odd relationship he had with Ren was infinitely more pressing. Hux asked, “What, precisely, is it that you expect from me?”

Ren propped himself up on his elbows and Hux considered his position. He reminded himself that his decision to undergo this, to get involved with this, was a resourceful one. He had made a good, strategic move in allowing Ren to have his way. He had seen that the decision had satisfactory results. This was a good thing. It was a good thing. He was giving his permission, after a fashion. Why was it so damned hard to convince himself?

Ren smiled, his eyes seeming to stare through Hux’s soaked undershirt. He seemed feral, hungry, “Let’s see, I brought your battle to a quick end, I did not kill and even got along with your Admiral, I refrained from forcing myself on you, and I kept you safe until you woke up. You already agreed to spend the night with me, which was _your_ offer, as I recall. You promised to do something a bit…naughty and, again, you offered. We’ll be alone all night…what do you think I deserve?”

Hux closed his eyes as Ren sat up and drew closer. He continued, “Your health is fine, there’s no work, no obligations, we have time, now seems like the best time to act, Hux.”

Ren must have been able to sense the nerves Hux was desperately trying to contain inside his body. He sucked in a breath. He had to say something. He could not allow Ren to dictate the boundaries. He wondered…

“I didn’t want it to be like this,” said Hux, covering his thoughts with a labyrinth of mathematical equations that he had been looking over a few weeks ago. This was going to be quite the gamble. Hopefully Ren was sentimental enough to fall for it. And barring that…

“Oh?” asked Ren skeptically.

Hux spoke plainly, “I was hoping, rather than being prompted, that the decision regarding our first would be mine to make.”

“If I left it _all_ up to you, you’d never give yourself what you want,” scoffed Ren.

“But…” said Hux, fixing his thoughts and ignoring the nervous flutter in his stomach. If Ren worked through his mental puzzle and saw that this was a ruse… “Wouldn’t it be more satisfying? If I came you all on my own. No prompting, no pleading, just me asking for you.”

“No more stalling Hux…” said Ren with a slightly more aggressive lilt in his voice, “You seem to know exactly what I want. No more games. Admit you want this and I’ll…” Ren trailed a finger from Hux’s jaw to the base of his throat, “…I’ll take good care of you.”

Hux changed tactics, “Wouldn’t it nag at the back at your mind that perhaps the only reason I would ever have sex with you is because you nag constantly and it’s the only way to make you fall in line?”

Ren stiffened and Hux felt an odd pressure around his body. He must have startled the Force out of Ren. In other circumstances he might have laughed at that. The knight glared at him viciously, “Are you?”

“No…” said Hux, slowly, deliberately. It was not a complete lie. There was also the possibility that his ‘distracting’ presence might cause him to lose his command. He continued, “But I’ve just given you a nice little thought that’s going to fester for the rest of your life if you take me now. So how’s this for a bargain. You do…whatever it is you have planned, I’ll choose how far you go.”

“Why?” asked Ren, stroking Hux’s throat with the back of his fingers, “This is a good time, a good place, why not let me have all of you now? Scared I’ll prove your presumptions wrong, General? Are you scared I might show you a side of yourself you never knew existed?”  

“I…” Hux wracked his brain. He looked at the charred wall, “Want it to be…special.”

Ren’s fingers stilled and and he cocked his brow at that, “Special?”

“Yes…special,” said Hux. He began constructing his lie, “I’ve been saving myself for almost thirty years. It’s a lot to take in with all of this happening so suddenly. We’ve only been…intimate, for a few weeks. I…want my first time to be…meaningful. I want to be ready and…” Hux noticed Ren watching him curiously, but hungrily. He still wasn’t deterred. He was probably preparing a counter argument. Hux would have to try another angle, this was not working. Ren was selfish, so perhaps… Hux hid a grimace as he added, “I want _our_ first time to be perfect. I’m doing this for _you_.”

That seemed to have more of an impact. Ren faltered slightly, but persisted cautiously, “You’ll back out…”

“I won’t,” assured Hux. If he wanted Ren to believe him he was going to have to let Ren get reasonably far. What was too much? He tried to decide on a good point to cut things off but had no experience to draw on. How far was too far? Where was the line between juvenile fondling and sex? Was there a line? He tried thinking back to people he had known in the Academy who had partners, but sex had always revolted him so much he had never bothered learning anything beyond basic anatomy and reproduction.

“If I think you’re backing out…or that you’re lying to me,” threatened Ren, letting his fingers circle and squeeze Hux’s neck lightly, “We’ll do this my way. I won’t let you trick me. I may not be a genius like you, but I’m not stupid. I’m not going to let you keep stalling.”

Hux pressed his fingers into his palms, “I won’t. I’ll let you go further than we have before, you have my word. So, providing you keep yours and stop when I tell you…what did you want to do to me?”

Ren seemed to be considering him. Occasionally he reached up, lifting his hand from Hux’s throat to his temple, as if debating whether or not to use the Force to probe deeper into Hux’s mind. The second he did Hux knew that the gambit would be forfeit. Hux put on his most blank, unreadable expression. Ren looked over his frame, chewing on his lip lightly, “I want…maybe just…play with you?”

Hux’s brow cocked as he involuntarily leaned away from Ren. While the situation was frightening enough, the phrasing Ren used brought it to a new level of uncanniness, “ _Play_ with me?”

“Just fool around, find what you like,” said Ren quietly. He smiled softly to himself, “Bet when I find it you won’t want me to stop. It’ll be so good you’ll beg me to keep going…”

“Ren-” Hux stopped himself, “Kylo, I don’t know what that entails. What do you mean exactly when you say ‘play’?”

Ren looked at Hux’s nose. It seemed to be as close to eye contact as he was comfortable with at the moment, “I’ll stop if you hate something. I’ll be able to tell what makes you feel good. And when I find what you like, I think you might change your mind about wanting to stop…”

Hux and Ren had such distance between their opinions on what pleased him that Hux might have dropped a Death Star in the space between them. What was worse, Ren was very, very strongly implying that he was not going to stop. Hux would need another plan, another reason to call things off once he felt the knight had taken enough to satisfy him. Ren leaned closer and whispered, “Lie…could you lie on your back for me?”

Hux did not need much in the way of prompting, with the way Ren was leaning over him he felt compelled to draw back away from him, retreating against the dead-end that was the mattress. He felt his breath and heart rate quicken so he slowed them, taking deep breaths through his nose. He thought, when meditating on what he would do if his arrangement ever came to this, that he would stare Ren in the eye, emotionless, proud, silent, just to remind Ren of what a sad and pathetic creature he was. Now that he was here, that it was happening, he found himself looking away, staring at the wall, doing everything in his power to stay still and keep himself from fighting back and making things worse for himself.

He felt the mattress sink in around him. It was not the first time Ren had leaned over top of him, but it seemed different now. Ren was taking his time, looking him over, studying him, as if trying to formulate a plan of attack. Hux shifted, feeling compelled by some primal instinct, to grip the sheets beneath him and squeeze his legs together. He closed his eyes. He could not help it. He did not want to watch.

He felt Ren lower himself down. Felt their hips and chests touch, then press flush together, only separated by their clothes. Ren was so much broader than him. He felt legs on either side of him and he cringed when Ren rolled his hips experimentally. Hux’s eyes snapped open and he looked at the wall. His mind immediately began calculations. Large man. Large unwanted man pressed down on him. He had to take hold of an arm. Force the elbow to…no, no, he had agreed to this. He had to let Ren go further than usual or the knight would take matters into his own hands. Hux studied the marks left by ash and debris and tried to formulate the force and acceleration behind the explosion that put them there. He felt two large fingers tracing the features of his face, cautious, almost reverent, they same way Ren had touched him the first time in the hall. Hux felt them press at his lips, forcing them to part slightly and felt the knight’s eyes trained on them. He felt hot breath tickling his ear, sending shivers down his back before he felt a tongue slide over the shell of it. Hux’s voice hitched and became ragged as Ren kissed a trail from his exposed ear to his mouth.

“Shh…shh…Hux it’s okay, don’t be scared. It’ll feel good, I promise.”

Ren might have intended to comfort, but the words rang mockingly in Hux’s ears. Ren continued to shush him between kisses and Hux focused on numbers, trying not to feel Ren’s ministrations. He needed to make this last, needed to hold out long enough that Ren would not lose his mind and… _no, don’t think that_ , Hux told himself, _don’t upset him_.

“It’s…” Ren began softly, “You don’t have to be ashamed of it. You’re not weak for liking someone else’s touch.”

Hux closed his eyes again. His breath was coming out, uneven and unfamiliar as Ren raked his hands down his chest. There were weak, traitorous sounds bubbling up in his throat. Hux bit his lip to silence them. He could not stop his back from arching though.

“See? It feels good…relax. Shh…it’s alright. If you relax if feels much better,” assured Ren.

His hands went lower and a sound that sounded nothing like his voice escaped his throat. It was part way between a gasp and a whimper, a sound he had never permitted himself to make. A moan. Had…had he just…? Ren froze before he continued his unwelcome assurances and placed soft kisses on his throat, “That was such a pretty sound Hux. I’ve…I’ve always liked your voice. I like listening to it. Sometimes I play those instructional holos of yours so I can hear it. I wondered a lot about how you’d sound like this. You sound so pretty…”

Hux focused on reverse engineering the explosion. He tried not to think about Ren watching or listening to recordings of him or what he might do while he played them. If the force was great enough to cause streaks that were approximately half a meter long…

“I think about you a lot. Like what you must look like without your clothes…”

Hux’s breath hitched when he felt his shirt being pulled at. He jerked when he felt his stomach being touched. He thought about all the vital organs underneath the fingers plucking at his shirt.

Ren tugged at his shirt, “Um…Hux? I can’t lift this.”

Ren pulled back, dragging Hux into a sitting position by his shoulders. Both of them were refusing to look at each other now. Ren continued, “I want to take it off…I want to see how pretty you are.”

“You can’t,” said Hux. His voice came out too high-pitched for his liking and his reply caused Ren’s brow to furrow. He reiterated, “You can’t because there are straps.”

“Straps?” said Ren quizzically.

“There are straps under my clothes,” explained Hux, trying to keep his tone cold and clinical as he continued, “To get it off I have to take everything off.”

Ren did not give him any time to come to terms with it and asked eagerly “Can I do it? Can I take them off of you?”

“I’ll…take them off in the refresher and come back. I know you wanted to…undress me…so just let me get the straps off and I’ll let you,” offered Hux. There was probably nothing inside the refresher he could use to barricade himself inside, but there was a lock on the door. Perhaps he might buy himself a few moments and there were bound to be razors for shaving that he could use to-

“No, you’re not. I told you, no more games,” chided Ren. Hux shuddered as the knight wrapped his hands around his arms and quietly added, “If I let you go, you’re going to stall. I know how you like to play, Hux…so I’m not letting you out of my sight until you do what you promised.”

Hux felt his large hands on the waistband of his Jodhpurs, tugging on them insistently. Hux closed his eyes. Ren tried to act aloof, “Come on Hux…you’ve seen _me_ naked. Why not return the favor?”

“I didn’t want to. There’s a difference,” Hux said curtly. He could not help his tone. Ren must have realized his tone was the sour one and trailed his hands down Hux’s legs before pulling off his boots with some difficulty. Hux sighed and covered his eyes with a hand. He was really doing this. He was about to tell Ren how to take his clothes off. No, he had to. It was this or stripping for him, and he could only imagine the commands the knight would give him. This way he could…just lie down, ignore it and wait for it to be over. His participation in his own degradation would be minimal. He had gotten himself into this mess and he would accept the consequences of his decision. It was just some kissing and touching. He would be fine. It was not like Ren ws trying to kill him. Hux spoke quietly, “There’s a bootjack by the door…you use that to pull it off.”

Hux bit the inside of his cheek when the boots were jerked off of his legs. Ren pulled at his socks, and finding they would not come off fumbled around his ankles, pulling up his pant legs to look at the straps. Hux murmured, slightly lucid, “No, don’t do it like that, they’ll snap up and slap me in the leg. With the metal clips they might cut. It happened once. You have to…you’d have to take them off…”

Ren moved up closer to him. Hux put a hand up, “Just to get to the straps. Once they’re off, I’m putting my jodhpurs back on.”

“Why?” asked Ren, incredulous.

“Because I get to choose how far this goes, remember? You can undress me, but I’m covering up after. I’ll let you do…whatever that brain of yours managed to conjure up, but I’m keeping those on,” said Hux, doing his best to hide his nerves, but being undressed by this…this monster was not helping. He added, “Promise you’ll give them back.”

“…I promise.”  

He saw Ren nod in his peripheral vision and felt his breath on his neck as hands settled on his waist. He sealed his eyes shut once again as Ren started slowly unfastening the front of his Jodhpurs. Loosing them, Ren slowly, carefully pulled them down and Hux thought back to the wall. If the acceleration of the carbine was represented by x and the force of the explosion was represented by y with the only known variables being…

Ren’s hands rested on his bare thighs.

Hux’s legs curled, trying to shield himself. He still had his underwear but he had never been exposed like this before. This was nothing like communal showers or locker rooms. People might have looked at each other, passing, accidental glancing, but not like this. Not…lingering…hungry… Ren paused, rubbing circles into them gently with his thumbs, “You’re even paler here…like cream…and so sof-”

“It’s not like I get much sun on a Star Destroyer,” said Hux quickly. He babbled and quipped when he was nervous. He always had. He probably always would, the same way he pressed his fingers into his palms when he felt tense.

Ren tested the straps with his fingers. Hux heard him ask with some amusement, “Why do you even have these?”

“Th-they keep my shirt and socks straight so I don’t have to adjust them multiple times a day,” explained Hux, keeping his eyes closed, “And they’re regulation, so…”

“Alright, I understand…” said Ren softly. The Jodhpurs continued their descent and cool air hit Hux’s legs. He turned slightly, bending his legs to loosen the straps. Ren unclipped one from his sock and slowly brought it up to a belt by his knee, unfastening it, keeping his movements slow and systematic. Finally he unclipped it from his undershirt. “There’s one.”

A few minutes and some fumbling later Ren whispered, “That’s two…you…your legs are so pretty Hux. L-like you’re made of porcelain-”

“Give them back,” said Hux quickly, not able to help blushing. Realizing Ren was either confused with or not interested in complying with the request, he added a sharp, indignant, “Kylo, you _promised_.”

He was relieved when Kylo pressed his jodhpurs into his hands. It was curious that promises seemed to hold so much sway over the knight, but now was not the time for analysis. Hux doubted he could have come up with a nuanced hypothesis if he tried. Shaking, Hux pulled them back over his legs, trying to ignore Ren watching him. He fumbled, trying to wriggle them back over his hips as he felt the knight coming closer, watching him, presumably fascinated. He heard Ren laugh lowly in his ear. It was a sickening sound, broken and uneven, “You’re going to beg me to take them off again.”

Without warning Ren pressed their lips together. Gently, he guided Hux down onto his back again and kissed him deeply. Hux felt Ren’s hands slide under his shirt, touching the bare flesh there for the first time and he jerked, arching his back and curling his legs, his whole body tightening with Ren swallowing each and every one of the weak, pathetic noises he made. He could feel the warmth of his hands, with calluses scattered over the palms and fingers harmonizing with patches of smooth skin. He started writhing, his body, unfamiliar with this sort of skin to skin contact deliberating over whether it wanted less or more. More seemed to be quickly winning out. Hux noticed he was not shivering like he usually did. Instead, heat was pooling in his sternum and spreading through his chest and to his groin. Hux had never felt that before, not when it was being caused by another person like this. I-If…x was divided by y…or was it multiplied…?

Ren found his nipples and Hux nearly shrieked as the sensation dragged him back to reality. Hux brought a hand to his mouth as his eyes went wide. Why had he cried out like that? He wasn’t supposed to be so sensitive there. How did this work? What was happening to him?

Ren smiled against his lips, “Oh, that must have felt _very_ good…”

He pulled back long enough to pull the undershirt over Hux’s head. With Hux’s arms raised to slide out of the shirt Ren rested his hands on either side of Hux’s ribcage. It was just a shirt…just a shirt, in the same way this was just a bit of petting and kissing. It would all be over soon. Hux felt Ren’s mouth on him, nipping gently down his throat, only to take long swipes of his tongue from his collarbone to his jaw so he could kiss a trail down his neck again. No longer having Ren attached to his mouth to muffle him, Hux heard his own voice, tired, ragged, traitorous, filling the room, mingling with the wet kissing noises Ren was making. His mouth alternately kissed and nipped at the pale flesh as he massaged Hux’s sides. He had abandoned Hux’s throat and had worked his way downwards. Hux recalled in biology classes that the torso contained multiple nerve endings so it was not really his fault if his body was stimu-

Hux cried out and thrashed wildly as Ren swirled his tongue around his navel.

The knight stopped his ministrations. Hux began to panic. Had Ren sensed something amiss? What was he thinking about? Was something going horribly wrong? He felt Ren let go of his chest and slipped his hands over Hux’s clenched, shaking ones, “I want you to hold me…its okay if you dig your nails in. I don’t mind.”

Hux felt his hands being guided to Ren’s shoulders. He held on, still shaking as Ren leaned down and slowly began to continue the slow, intimate touches. He traced a line experimentally down the center of Hux’s chest, making his breath hitch again, “God…you’re so sensitive…every little touch just lights you up…like you’re on fire…”

Hux did not understand it. His mind could not have been further from enjoying the situation. It had abandoned the equation and had settled on an incoherent mess of displeasure repeating like a broken hologram. His body did not care. Writhing and convulsing, causing him to make pathetic crying sounds as it was stimulated, as if screaming a resounding ‘more’ as loudly as it could. His brain was torn between pulling Ren close and smothering him, which was the best way to get a person to stop biting, or pushing him back. He did not understand why he could not think. He did not know what was happening to him. He thought he could lie still and not react but instead he was making all this noise and writhing like a dried up worm trapped in sand. Why wasn’t his body fighting this? Why was it reacting this way? Why wasn’t it resisting the unwanted touch or trying to shut down? Why did it enjoy this? Why? How had this…?

Suddenly Ren started to give him feedback again. Instead of an uncanny fantasy, Ren’s assumptions of how he looked and sounded, like when Ren had first confronted him, Hux was seeing himself, like he was looking in a mirror and yet he seemed a total stranger. This…this thing that could not have been him was a thrashing, mewling wreck. Its bright hair was mussed and splayed and it sported a whorish blush. Then it changed, almost like looking through a pair of infrared goggles. It was the closest thing Hux could think of to make sense of what he was seeing.

He could see darkness around the…the thing that was not him…he could see darkness coming from it, flowing out like blood from a freshly cut artery. He felt Ren being spurred on by it, empathically sensing every physical sensation and receiving a boyish sense of delight and accomplishment when he felt Hux - no, that creature - experience pleasure. Every time Ren touched him there was a burst of something that Hux could not begin to describe, but Ren felt like he understood it, and he craved more of it.

Hux flushed harder as he overheard Ren’s thoughts as he decided to lick his nipple, _‘He’s so sexy when he pretends to ignore it.._.’ Hux heard himself crying out in his own ears as well as Ren’s, who Hux could feel being excited by the sound and the ‘sparks’ that came off of him as he swirled his tongue around the small pink bud. He gasped as he overheard Ren deciding to suck on it, purring at Hux’s keening and struggling, trying to evade what he knew was coming, _‘Squirm for me more, right there, just like that…feels so good. So soft. My pretty little doll…My General…My Hux…mine…’_

Hux could hear his own thoughts creeping into Ren’s mind as well. Ren drank in his physical and mental reactions, loving the mingling, disjointed cries of _‘stop’ ‘what is that?’ ‘is he in my head?’ ‘I don’t understand’ ‘no’_ and ‘ _please_.’ He also noticed that Ren tended to ignore or dismiss the pleas for relief and only seemed marginally aware of his confusion. Ren was focused on the physical, the movements, the sparks and the sounds. Hux saw a strange memory. A spider. Its legs were being plucked off one by one. In Ren’s mind the spider thrashed about the same ways as…

Ren started kissing and sucking gently near his pelvis and Hux quivered and let out an undignified whimper as his hips started rocking against Ren all on their own. Or…was he kissing Ren? He could taste skin in his mouth, hear Ren’s thoughts in his mind, feel both of their arousal. Hux was so disoriented. He could barely tell which sensations were his own. He was Ren, Ren was him and nothing made any semblance of sense.

“Hux you’re perfect…you feel so good,” Hux heard it in his head, as if he were the one saying it, and in his ears. He felt his mouth form the words but knew he was trying to keep his own mouth shut tightly.

Ren had moved down and began kissing close to his pant line, occasionally lapping at the pale flesh with his tongue. His hands had settled at Hux’s thighs, gently slipping between them and guiding them open. The hands on his inner thighs was too much for him. He could feel his jodhpurs in his own hands as Ren squeezed and kneaded what little muscle and fat there was in his legs. He could hear Ren’s thoughts, how he wanted to open Hux’s legs, imagining them bare. Imagining removing his underwear. Imagining how he looked without it. Imagining him begging Ren to use his…

He had to stop Ren. Now.

“Re…Kylo…Kylo wait…” Hux panted, head thrown back, thrashing against the pillow. One hand dipped lower, following the inseam of the Jodhpurs to his crotch. The other returned to his chest, rubbing gently, retracing all the most sensitive areas as Ren nipped and licked his lower abdomen. The feedback was too intense. Hux could feel his own reactions, Ren responding to them, the textures Ren felt when he touched him, tasting his own skin with Ren’s tongue, Ren thinking about how good he tasted, Ren’s arousal and desire becoming his own, the imagined sensations of pleasure bombarding his mind as Ren envisioned Hux’s reaction to oral sex. He felt one of them getting close to the edge and could not tell which of them it was. And the fantasy…Ren’s mouth edging closer and closer to its goal, flooding both their minds with pleasure. It was all compounding, building, it was too much. Hux called out, “Kylo…sto- you have to…oh! K-Kriff! Stop!”

Hux cried out wordlessly, almost screaming, and his body started convulsing uncontrollably. He felt the explosive heat that had gathered in his belly and groin dissipate. His legs jerked, he arched off the bed against Ren as his vision blurred and he suddenly felt exhausted. He panted, realizing what had just happened. He’d heard about it in health classes when he was about twelve.

A premature ejaculation. A common side effect of anxiety during…during…

Kylo, to his credit, pulled back mentally and physically. Hux lay on the bed. It was not as if he had never experienced an orgasm before. On mornings as a younger man when he had woken up with morning wood and needed to get rid of it before exercises or an exam he would force himself to take care of it. He never enjoyed the process. It was tedious, annoying, like being given an extra, unwanted chore, and while it left him slightly lethargic for a few moments it was never debilitating. This was different. It was explosive. It exhausted him. It shook him to his core. He felt weak and cold. He needed warmth. It felt like it had all fled his body.

Kylo settled beside him, draping an arm over his chest. That satisfied him. Between what Kylo had done and running obstacle courses, the former was proving to be infinitely more exhausting. Hux had barely moved and yet everything felt heavy.

“It’s okay…” Kylo whispered to him, “It’s okay Hux, it happens. Hux…Hux are you okay?”

Hux was not sure why but he began shaking his head.

Ren sounded panicked, “I didn’t…I didn’t hurt you did I!?”

“What just…what just happened?” Hux panted. He knew the answer but he felt compelled to ask it out loud. He could hardly move. It was like there was a hundred pound weight on his chest.

“You, uh, got a little too excited…you um…” explained Ren. Hux did not have to look at him to know he was blushing. What he said next however brought Hux down from his high and back to reality, “You…came for me.”  

Hux froze. Kylo had said the words as if he did not really believe them himself. When he got command over himself he looked at Kylo through his hazy vision. The knight stroked his cheek gently and refused to look him in the eye. He was not gloating, or at least he did not look like it. He seemed just as shocked as Hux was. Clearly he had not been expecting this reaction.

Kylo kissed his shoulder gently, apologetically, “It happens Hux. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Hux covered his face with his hands, “Why should I be embarrassed? No, nothing embarrassing about this at all.”

“It happens. I mean, you lasted a long time considering…”

Hux glared at him, “Considering what?”

“Nobody’s…you’ve never been touched before,” said Kylo slowly, rubbing Hux’s shoulder firmly. Pityingly. It was disgusting. He continued, “It’s no wonder this completely overloaded your nerves.”  

“Thank you Doctor Ren,” muttered Hux sarcastically. He doubted lack of prior physical contact was the main culprit in this case. Hux had read about it and knew for a fact that anxiety tended to be the biggest contributing factor. Not to mention whatever Ren had been doing with the Force. He screwed his eyes shut, “This is disgusting. I need to shower.”

“I wouldn’t move for a while if I were you. Give yourself a few more minutes to come down from it. You’re probably weak at the knees,” advised Kylo. He kissed Hux’s shoulder gently, “Looks like you definitely need to be eased into this…”

Hux wondered if the orgasm was a result of pure anxiety or if Ren’s out of control projecting was more to blame. Either way, initial disgust and shock aside, a premature ejaculation was probably the best thing that could have happened. It had forced Ren to stop and had postponed anything more serious happening between them for a while.

“Why suddenly so intent on waiting?” asked Hux, unable to contain all of the salt in his tone. He recalled exactly what Ren had really wanted to do to him; what his real intention had been.

“I don’t want to hurt you Hux…when it happened you seemed so confused. I don’t mind a little fear but you seemed so…so lost.” Ren softly brushed stray red hairs from Hux’s eyes, “It’s no good if you’re lost or confused…When you get out of focus like that it’s jarring for me too.”

Hux closed his eyes and sighed, shivering when Ren stroked his hair and cheek. He mumbled, “That’s enough of that. I need to clean up.”

“Do you want help?” asked Ren.

“No,” said Hux bluntly, bringing himself up into a seated position. The bottoms of his feet felt tender. He knew nerves were often linked to each other and the ones located in the groin shared some sort of connections to the ones in the feet, but this was ridiculous. Placing them on the floor, lightly testing them, sent shockwaves of discomfort through him. Hux ignored the sensation, picked up his overnight kit and went straight to the refresher.

He discarded his clothes quickly. He did not want to look at himself, but knew he would have to eventually. He did not want to see what his body had done to him this time. Looking down at himself he grimaced. He was covered in viscous fluid, slowly dribbling down his thighs. A hiss of displeasure escaped him. It was disgusting. He was disgusting. Ren was disgusting. The whole damned thing was disgusting.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and stifled a shout. He was flushed, lips reddened from nips and kisses, neck glistening with saliva from being licked, pupils dilated, hair disarranged, blood still smeared on his face. He was a wreck. There he was, covered in bodily fluids, looking debauched, feeling worse than debauched and hating himself for it. He looked like…he did not know who he looked like anymore. It was a reflection of someone he did not recognize. Hux shook his head. He was going to get clean. He was going to wash it all away. He was determined not to let this hurt him.

Ren was on the other side of the door though. He had to keep quiet. He would have to keep quiet all night. He covered his thoughts with trying to re-piece what had happened while he was drunk. In deeper layers of his consciousness, Hux was tangle of questions and thoughts that threatened to make him whimper and cry all over again. Kylo Ren had brought him to orgasm with so little sexual stimulation. All of his reading and memories were doing nothing to help him cope. The part of his brain that was still grounded in reality knew that his anxiety combined with unfamiliar sensations had triggered it. It was natural. He ought to have expected it, especially when his brain was registering double the sensations thanks to Ren’s mental invasion.

The other, decidedly less rational part of his brain was in a panic. It repeated the horrific reality ad nauseum. Kylo Ren had coerced him into this arrangement. Kylo Ren had touched him. Kylo Ren had made him orgasm. Then it began to run wild with these facts and draw the most awful questions. If he came, had that been sex? If it was sex and he had not wanted it, was it rape? If it was rape, had he just allowed Kylo Ren to rape him? If he had an orgasm, did he enjoyed it? Had he just enjoyed being raped? It had happened so quickly, from so little stimulation, had the situation been what aroused him?

Hux turned on the cold water, full blast, feeling he had to punish his body for being such a damned traitor. He silenced all the questions. The answer to all of them was a resounding ‘no.’ That had not been sex. It wasn’t. Hux refused to believe it was. Since it was not sex, it was not rape. He would never allow himself to be raped, he was stronger than that. If he was being raped he would have fought. It was just some kissing and petting that got a bit out of hand. He had not enjoyed it, his body had a perfectly natural reaction to a stimulus, like a knee jerking during a percussive test. He did not enjoy being raped. He would never be as sick and depraved as to be aroused by such a horrible thing being done to him.

Once he was sufficiently clean Hux changed into his fatigues. He hardly bothered with drying off and avoided looking at the mirror. He crept back into the dark bedroom like a dog with its tail between its legs, feeling guilty and embarrassed. He did not look at Ren as he got back into bed. There was nowhere else to go. After all this he really did not want to risk or subject himself to Ren trying to force him back to bed. If they made enough noise security would get involved and they would see…

“It’s okay Hux,” Ren assured him as he settled next to him, “You felt so good. I enjoyed it, really.”

Hux bit his cheek. Yes, that was the ultimate consolation, wasn’t it? He might be in this awful position where he needed to keep Ren satisfied so he would not lose his position, but at least Kylo fucking Ren had fun forcing an involuntary orgasm out of him.

He felt Kylo lean over, kiss his cheek, hold his hand, and stroke his hair, as if he were an infant. He continued touching him, gently, consolingly. Hux could not help his contempt. Why all the empathy now? Why not that first or second time when Ren had held him down and hissed about not needing his consent? Hux felt tears prick the corner of his eyes, another unfamiliar and unwanted sensation. He willed them away. That was the last thing he needed right now.

“We can try again when you feel better. I’ll make it up to you.”

It took every ounce of self-control in Hux’s body not to tense up. He turned away from Ren who pressed against his back, rubbing up and down his arm gently. Hux clamped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. He would not cry. He was nearly thirty, he was a man, he was a General, and he was not going to cry over this. Worse things could have been said and done. It was some kissing and petting. Nothing to cry about at all.

Hux bit his cheek until he tasted blood to keep himself quiet as Ren softly whispered and kissed his neck, “I love you, Hux.”  


	14. Chapter 13 Bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand here's the Bonus Stupidity.

Kylo patted Hux’s arm, “Are you okay Hux? You’re being really quiet.”

Hux sat up and started half mumbling and half singing, “There was a time when men were kind. When their words were soft and their words inviting. There was a time when love was blind. And the world was a song. And the song was exciting. There was a time…it all went wrong.”

Kylo braced himself for another horrifying lullaby about relatives dying from cancer as a mournful swell came from a string orchestra that was playing from…somewhere. He looked about for the source of the sound as Hux continued to sing, “I dreamed a dream in time gone by. When hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that god would be forgiving.”

“Really?” asked Kylo sceptically. He had been certain that Hux was the closest thing to an atheist that someone who knew about the Force could get, and he was having a hard time believing the General ever dreamed about love. Or at least love not dying.

“Then I was young and unafraid,” Hux continued.

“You’re still young. You’re not even thirty yet,” muttered Kylo.

“And dreams were made and used and wasted. There was no ransom to be paid. No song unsung, no wine untasted,” sang Hux mournfully.

“I always knew you cadets were a bunch of drunks…” mumbled Kylo. He wondered how Hux’s liver was intact after trying all those wines.

“But the tigers come at night,” sang Hux, his voice becoming lower.

“Oh shit, where!” gasped Kylo.

“With their voices soft as thunder,” sang Hux.

“These sound like really fucking scary tigers, Hux!” exclaimed Kylo.

“As they tear your hopes apart.”

“…There are no tigers, are there?”

“As they turn your dreams to sha-A-A **-A** - **AME**!”

Kylo crossed his arms and gave Hux a serious look, “Okay, now you’re just being melodramatic.”

“He slept a summer by my side. He filled my days with endless wonder. He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came!” sang Hux, sounding heartbroken.

Kylo furrowed his brow, “It was like, five minutes ago, it’s winter, you’re a grown-ass man, and I’m still here.”

“And still I dream he’ll come to me! That we will live the years together!” sang Hux.

“I’m right, here!” protested Kylo.

“But there are dreams that cannot be! And there are storms we cannot weather!”

“I’m still right, fucking, here!”

“I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I’m living! So different now from what it seemed! Now life has killed the dream…I dreamed…” sang Hux quietly as he settled back into bed.

Kylo looked down at him in confusion as the door opened. Millicent entered the room, a golden statue of some guy who looked like somebody’s Uncle Oscar in her mouth as she bounded up to Hux. She handed him the Oscar statue, which he accepted with a soft, “Good kitty. Give my thanks to the Academy.”

Kylo sat back and crossed his arms, “I have no idea what the heart-rending show tunes are for. I for one had a great time.”

Then Kylo died because he is a cad and Hux lived happily ever after with his Oscar.


	15. And Straightway I will Repair

“It was part of the deal R- Kylo. You _need_ to stay out of my head.”

Hux had long since finished his exercises, cleaned up, and put on his uniform. He was adjusting his tunic in the mirror and smoothing down his hair. He looked like himself again, at least. Old wives tales said that after sex, or at least something akin to it because Hux had made up his mind that what happened was certainly not sex, a person was supposed to look ‘glow’, whatever that meant, feel more relaxed and have a more cheerful disposition. Hux thought he looked the same as he always had, and was in the process of convincing himself he was just as calm and in control as ever. His eyes were still dark from long working hours and many sleepless nights, his skin still had its pale complexion from natural fairness and a lack of sun, and he still had ghastly red hair that was only made more outlandish by his black uniform and translucent skin. That meant nobody ought be able to detect at a glance that something had happened last night. Ren had not changed him. He still worried though. If someone spotted something amiss…if someone found out he had been…

Ren watched him from the doorway between the bedroom and the refresher. Hux had neglected to close it behind him in a careless moment of absentmindedness. He still refused to look Hux in the eye. When he thought about it, Hux could only think of one occasion were their eyes had met. Any other time Ren looked at his face he awkwardly settled on his nose or mouth.

“I wasn’t trying to,” argued Ren. He sighed in frustration, “My training is incomplete and when I get really worked up it just…happens. I wanted to get closer to you and it…happened. I wasn’t trying to do that, and I really didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Do you understand what almost happened?” snapped Hux, turning away from the mirror, “You nearly projected,” Hux lowered his voice slightly, “ _Oral sex_ ,” then returned to his usual volume, “Into my mind. Without my permission. You do know what sex without permission is called, don’t you?”

Ren flushed at the words and looked at the floor, “I said I didn’t _mean_ to. Besides, it got _you_ off didn’t it? You shouldn’t be complaining.”

Hux gritted his teeth. So that was how Ren was going to see it. Of course that would be the case. His notions about sex were so juvenile and toxic that of course he would see it that way. Hux also noted the spiteful way he said, ‘it got you off.’ Not having slept that night he knew Ren had gotten up during the night, presumably to take care of himself. He must have been holding it against him. Hux resisted the urge to shout, to slap Ren across the face and scream that he had hated every torturous moment of ‘getting off’ and had only done it because even now, after everything he had been put through, the threat of losing his command to this was not a thought that he could bear.

He reigned himself in, checked himself, but made his anger apparent. He clutched the sink as he shot a glare in Ren’s direction, “Yes. You triggered a natural biological reaction by applying stimulus and warping my mind. You must be very proud.”

Ren stopped at that. All traces of irritation seemed to disappear and were replaced with confusion. He furrowed his brow as he said, “No you…you came so you liked it.”

Hux bit back another growl as he looked into the sink and imagined smashing Ren’s head against it, “I might be inexperienced, but I know enough to realize sex isn’t a game. It’s a complex combination of neural chemistry and psychology. An orgasm doesn’t have to mean that I enjoyed a single moment of what happened last night.”

Ren seemed even more confused than ever, “Look I know that really embarrassed you but…don’t you think you’re taking this a little far?”

“ _I’m_ taking this too far!?” snapped Hux, “I’m taking this-” He stopped, checked himself and breathed deeply. Screaming was not going to help him. As much as he would have enjoyed it, hitting Ren was not going to help either. Both of those things were only going to make the situation worse. There was nothing he could do to change what had happened. The sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could move on and try to figure out where he was supposed to go from this point. Ren clearly wanted to deepen their ‘relationship.’ The knight probably wanted to try again to ‘make it up’ to him. Hux ordered himself to stop sulking and try to think of a plan. He was not like Ren, he could use his feelings for more productive things than tantrums. He could use them to help himself, since nobody else was going to.  

Ren sighed, “I didn’t mean to upset you…I know it was embarrassing for you.”

Embarrassment was one of the lower concerns on Hux’s priority list, even though it stung his pride terribly. He was more concerned with the growing disconnect between what he thought he wanted and what his body seemed to want. Slowly this was becoming a very serious problem. This could be used against him. He needed to get his body onto the same page as his mind again. Not to mention that disturbing bit about Ren comparing pleasuring him to tearing the legs off a spider. Hopefully none of Ren’s fantasies involved tearing him limb from limb. Hux tried to focus on that. What had he learned about Ren from their encounter? How could he use it against the knight? He just had to stop thinking about being held down and…

“You can’t keep doing that to me,” said Hux firmly. He nearly said he did not like it again, but held back. He did not need Ren accusing him of lying. He found another way to phrase it, “When you project it’s disorienting. I can’t tell what’s happening.”

“I’ll be more careful next time,” insisted Ren.

“Kylo,” said Hux slowly, packing his comb into his overnight kit. He tried to think of a way to dissuade the knight without outright refusing him. Whenever he tried to say no he was just rebuffed. Or worse, Ren tried to correct him and tell him how he _really_ felt. Hux tried to explain, “I don’t _want_ a next time. I’m probably never going to be ready. I don’t understand any of this. I’m not used to it. I think this was a terrible idea for both of us. You’d be better off with someone who has the same-”

“No. No, I want _you_.”

Ren closed the difference between them and grasped Hux by his upper arms. He looked around the room, chewing his lip before he looked at Hux’s mouth, “I want you. Not someone else. I don’t mind if you don’t feel attraction the way other people do. Waiting is hard…nobody’s ever made me wait before, but I’m trying. I know I don’t always do it right, but I’m trying to go slow so I don’t hurt you. I don’t want anyone else. You’re…I want _you_ , Hux.”

It was almost touching. If things had been different between them Hux thought the words might actually make him happy. To be matched someone who wanted to be by his side despite knowing about his repulsions regarding sex would have been the best possible arrangement he might have been handed. But Ren did not want to be by his side and support him. Ren was not going to respect his boundaries. Ren wanted to keep him, like a pet. Ren got angry and violent when he stepped out of line. Ren exploited his own favor with Snoke to coerce him into a contract. This was not touching. This was not loving. This was…

Hux did not want to say it or think it.

Ren gave him a quick peck on the lips and smiled childishly, trying to change the subject, “Have- Have I ever told you you’re the perfect height for kissing?”

“No,” said Hux disapprovingly, though he was slightly jarred by the sudden shift in conversation.  

“You are. You’re tall so it’s not like I have to bend in half or pick you up,” explained Ren, “But you’re small enough that I still get to do things like lift your chin and look down at your face. I have lots of reasons for liking you. Little ones, just…odd little things I like about you. That’s just one of them.”

“How fortunate for you,” said Hux dryly. If the knight was trying to cheer him up, Ren had severely miscalculated in his approach.

“And I like…” Ren continued, occasionally trying to look at his eyes before flicking them downwards, “I like your hair and eyes. I miss colour sometimes, and looking at you makes me feel better. I…I like that your hands are really so- I mean, that you don’t have callouses. I like…I like the little freckles on your arms and hands. They’re really nice and…I like…all of you.”

Hux sighed, “Kylo, if you don’t let me go and step out of the way we’re going to be late. I…I want to go home.”

“I know…” sighed Ren. Hux closed his eyes when he felt a pair of large hands settle on his cheeks. He felt thumbs swipe just under his eyes, as if anticipating tears. It made Hux all the more determined not to cry, though he still felt strangely compelled to do it. He felt the knight moving his arms, settling them around his shoulders and across his back before tucking his head against Hux’s neck. He felt the hands rubbing at his back and shivered. Ren held him close, “I’ll help you ease into it. I won’t let that happen again. I’ll try harder.”

“I don’t want to be touched right now,” said Hux, pushing back lightly.

“But…you’re upset. When I’m upset I like being held,” insisted Ren, “It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to be strong around me. If you need to cry or if you want to be held, I’ll be here for you. I’ll…stop calling you ‘soft,’ if you want. I know you didn’t like that.”

Hux started slightly before pushing back more firmly, wanting to look Ren in the face, “…you know I don’t like it?”

“Y-yeah I…last night when we were…I could hear you thinking that,” said Ren.

So he had been listening in on some of his thoughts. Hux recalled Ren ignoring anything to do with wanting to stop, dismissing the thoughts as shyness or skittishness clouding his mind from what he _really_ wanted. Ren had overheard a lot of his displeasure and dismissed most of it, but it seemed at least something had gotten through. It did little good, in the long run. Compared to other things the knight did the terms of endearment were an annoyance. However, it proved that Ren had the ability to pick up discomfort, he had the ability to correctly identify the source, and if he had a mind for it he had enough self-control to stop himself. So why was he doing that with some things and not all of them.

It would have been easy to dismiss Ren as a spoiled child. He did not stop because he did not want to stop. Yet, that had not been the case. Glimpsing into Ren’s mind he had not been pushing through in spite of Hux’s thoughts of wanting to stop out of a desire to satisfy himself. That had been a part of it, certainly, but there seemed to be more. Ren seemed to genuinely believe that he was doing Hux some sort of favor. He seemed to think that he was helping Hux overcome some mental hurdle or helping him obtain something he’d denied himself. Ren had gotten it into his head that this whole thing was mutual and sincerely believed that he was helping somehow.

“You heard that?” repeated Hux.

“It’s…how to explain it. I didn’t mean to, honest, but what happened was…It’s like when a speaker picks up feedback when it’s too close to a receiver. I was picking up your thoughts, but I was projecting, so I was giving you my thoughts and yours at the same time. But I was still picking up your thoughts so it-” Kylo began to explain.

“Created a feedback loop,” finished Hux. It was a fascinating concept. One he would have to keep in mind and figure out a way to break or induce if he needed to. But that was not what he wanted to know right now, “You could feel that those words upset me.”

“Yeah. I know you said it before, but I thought you were just being sensitive,” said Kylo. He looked down sheepishly, “I didn’t think you _meant_ it.”

Hux took Kylo by the wrists, trying to hold his attention as he tried to make eye contact with the man, “I’m not angry, but this is very important, so I want you to try and look at me.”

Kylo’s eyes flicked up before casting themselves back down immediately, “You won’t…scowl or glare at me?”

“No. I’m going to stay very calm. I just have some very important questions I need to ask you, and I want to make sure you’re listening,” said Hux, as calmly as he could, recalling some of the more patient instructors he had had at the Academy. It was difficult. He wanted nothing more than to feel Ren’s nose crunching under his fist, but that would not help. Not in this situation.

Ren looked up with some difficulty. He succeeded in making eye contact and Hux strangely found himself wanting to look away, for once. He was not used to having anyone look at him with any sort of emotion. First Order officers were encouraged to remain stoic so as not to let emotions interfere with their duty. Sometimes Hux caught glimpses of contempt, fear, jealousy or frustration, but those were to be expected. Ren was looking at him with a mix of emotional pain and adoration, leaving Hux at a loss as to what he was supposed to do. Some bizarre, long repressed instinct told him to show comfort, and even more strangely he felt the urge to laugh, his mind not knowing what else to do when it was so uncomfortable. On top of that, Ren’s eyes were like black pools and he could feel himself sinking in as he looked at them. He was still fairly certain the Force must have been enhancing his gaze somehow. Hux suppressed his discomfort and continued.

“You could tell I didn’t like those words, but when you heard me want to stop you ignored that. Why did you treat those two thoughts differently?” asked Hux.

“You didn’t mean it,” said Ren, “You were enjoying it.”

“Ren,” said Hux, willing himself not to snap again. He repeated himself, trying to remain calm, “What made you think I meant one set of thoughts and not the other.”

“Because…” Ren began, pursing his lips and gathering his thoughts. He looked down at Hux, “Because I understood them. I’ve been called things I don’t like before. I thought you were just being fussy before since they weren’t insults but when I was in your mind I felt how much you hated them. But when you wanted to stop, it was because you were scared and…I was scared my first time too, and uncomfortable, but I kept going and now that I know what I like it feels amazing. I was just trying to help. I want you to feel good…I like making you feel good.”

So it was empathy, after a very, very strange fashion. Normally it came from the ability to identify with a person’s pain or emotions, but Ren seemed to have it all backwards. As usual. He could identify emotions in other people, but rather than try to give them what they needed Ren’s responses were skewed. Hux assumed that if someone was experiencing discomfort during sex the activity should be suspended until the situation could be resolved, and ended if it couldn’t. He claimed he wanted to help, but there was no denying that he had his own ulterior motives for wanting Hux to get over this hurdle Ren had imagined for him. He phrased it so curiously. _‘I want you to feel good._ ’ Even in the statement, Ren put himself first _._ Hux might have written it off as an innocent turn of phrase with anyone else, but with Ren it was more telling. In the end, this was about satisfying Ren’s desires.

“So when you decided to stop using those words, you didn’t want me to feel bad?” Hux hazarded.

“Exactly,” said Ren, “I think…I’d like to call you those things if you got used to them. Maybe someday but, for now, I won’t use them.”

So even this slight amount of empathy was temporary. It was all about Ren and what he wanted. It was more than selfishness. He seemed to have no understanding or concept of how to empathize. He thought he did. Ren seemed to think he was very good at identifying and understanding emotions, as well as figuring out how they ought to be handled, but all of his responses were skewed by his own impressions and wants. He was fine with not calling Hux pretty at the moment because he did not want to cause discomfort, but he made it clear that he wanted, and maybe even expected, Hux to change his mind on that point.

Still, Ren had voluntarily stopped doing something Hux had indicated he hated. In every book on behaviour he had read, Hux recalled something about positive reinforcement. He had to let Ren know that stopping behaviour that upset him was going to be well received and rewarded. Perhaps if he could manage that then the knight’s desire to please Hux might override his desire to please himself. If that happened, even just a little, Hux knew it would be a massive relief and advantage.

“I’m glad you stopped. I didn’t like it at all,” said Hux, trying to seem gentle. How was he supposed to reward the knight? He knew all too well what Ren wanted, but rewarding him with intimacy was counterintuitive to what he was trying to do. He thought, briefly, about kissing Ren on the cheek, but it seemed too much. If he came to expect kisses for small favors Hux knew he would have to contend with the knight running about, performing small tasks that may or may not have been helpful and expecting Hux to kiss him in exchange. However, if the reward was not substantial enough, Ren would hardly be motivated.

He glanced up at the knight’s hair; that would suffice. He set his jaw and, perhaps a bit more salty than he meant to, asked, “Would you like me to brush your hair?”

“What?” asked the knight, looking at Hux as if he had just grew a second and then a third head.

“I know you…liked…saying those things, but you stopped for my sake and I appreciate that,” said Hux. He sighed slightly before forcing himself to say, “I’m very grateful for it.”

Ren stopped looking at Hux as if he had suddenly mutated and was now looking at him as if he were some sort of deity. He placed his hands on either side of Hux’s waist and his dark eyes seemed to be watering slightly. Hux was not sure exactly what he had said or done to be looked at and touched so reverently, but he wished he understood so he could use it to his advantage. And get the knight’s hands off of his middle. He didn’t like the knight’s hands so close to his vitals.

“You’re so perfect…” said the knight, his voice barely above a whisper.

Perfect? As much as Hux liked to think he was among the top minds the First Order had to offer, he was far from perfect. He had deficiencies, especially in terms of physical prowess. He could think and adapt quickly, but there were many skills he had not mastered. His Father, the lab technicians, and instructors had all been quick to remind him of his imperfection to keep him from becoming too complacent. He was smart, but he was not perfect, and there were areas to make improvements. If he had been perfect, he certainly would not have landed himself in the mess he was currently in.

Ren moved in closer and Hux put a hand in front of his own mouth to shield himself. The knight looked at him with some surprise as he quickly blurted out, “I don’t want to be kissed right now.”

“It’s okay…” said Ren, softly, sickeningly comforting as he pulled at Hux’s hand gently, “You don’t have to be scared.”

“Ren- Kylo, not now,” said Hux firmly.

“Later?” asked the knight, “You were just so…I really want to kiss you.”

“Last night was very trying and I don’t want to be kissed right now,” said Hux, trying to make himself understood as plainly as possible. He knew the end result was going to be largely determined by whether Ren’s desire to kiss him could be overridden by his want of praise and gratitude. Hux hoped it was. He did not want to be kissed. It was wretchedly confusing. It felt pleasant, but he did not want it. It was like someone was trying to force feed him something he loved to eat but just didn’t have the appetite for.

“But I can kiss you later,” Ren insisted.

Hux sighed. It seemed as good a compromise as he was going to get. Begrudgingly he replied, “Later.”

That seemed to please him well enough as he pulled away and returned to the bedroom. He sat down on the bed and pulled his mask into his lap, inspecting it and occasionally, carefully, wiping away dust and dirt. Hux joined him after taking a moment to collect himself. He had spent the entire night awake in the arms of the man who had molested him, and now he was going to brush his hair. He was going to be _nice_ to him. He was going to give him exactly what he wanted.

Nothing about the situation seemed right or fair. All Hux had wanted was to attend his duty and now he was stuck here. Ren had hurt him terribly, continued to act like a selfish child, and he seemed none the worse for wear. He was not naïve enough to think that life was fair, it wasn’t, but even then this seemed like too much. Ren was going to get everything he wanted. Ren’s feelings were always going to be spared. Ren was going to be placated because he was _special_. Because he was irreplaceable. Emperor forbid if Ren did not get his way while it was perfectly acceptable for the knight to make him suffer in silence.

Hux made up his mind. He was not going to be silent anymore. He was not going to keep quiet regarding this a moment longer than he needed to. The only person who might be able to stop Ren was the Supreme Leader. He would make a case, a convincing one, a good one. He would make it clear that he could not continue to work under these conditions. He was managing at the moment, but if things went much further Hux had no idea how his mind was going to respond. He heard that these sorts of situations sometimes caused people to shut down completely. He was a General, he liked to think he was highly competent and very skilled at his job.

How could he phrase it though? Hux wondered that to himself as he took his comb from his kit and seated himself behind Kylo. It was no good if his actions just got him transferred and demoted. It would depend on which of them the Supreme Leader wanted to have on the _Finalizer_ more. It made sense to Hux that he would be the one to stay, the ship needed a good leader to keep everything running smoothly, and did not need someone who was going to destroy equipment and harass crew members. However, since the _Finalizer_ was often seeking the Resistance in different parts of the Galaxy and benefitted from having a Force-User to interrogate captives, it was an ideal place to keep Ren stationed. Ideal did not mean singular though. There were other ships that might benefit from Ren’s talents. And if anyone could hammer it into the knight’s head that what he was doing was unacceptable, it was the Supreme Leader.

In the meantime, until their next meeting, Hux would simply have to keep himself as safe as possible and bide his time. They had just opened up a whole new territory to explore, so no doubt they would be contacted soon with regards to changes in their orders. His time would come soon, he just had to be patient. In the meantime, he had to be somewhat affectionate with the knight. It was the best way to keep him peaceable, which in turn seemed to benefit everyone. It was an unfortunate necessity. If he had his way Hux would have left the room without looking back and have been happy to never see Ren again.

Hux took his comb and glided it through the knight’s hair. He hummed softly, contentedly at that but did not speak, leaving Hux to his thoughts. He tried to focus on everything he had gained through their arrangement. They had spent significantly less credits on repairs due to Ren-related incidents. Morale had shot up with everyone feeling much safer and more secure in their positions, and as a result productivity improved. So he had not suffered pointlessly. It had been awful, but there was something to be gained by it. He was not deviously sleeping with his co-commander to advance his own career. He was…using himself to the best strategic advantage for the good of the First Order.

Brushing through the dark waves of hair, Hux wondered at how far he had been pushed. Less than a month ago he would have fought back to try and escape being kissed and prodded, now he was willingly seated behind the man who had humiliated him and combing through his hair.

“You’re quiet,” noted Ren.

“I’m always quiet,” Hux countered.

“Um…” Ren began and Hux braced himself for something awful to follow it, “I…said what I like about you. I’m very fond of you. Is there…anything…you…about me?”

Hux gritted his teeth. Ren had done something heinous to him and now he wanted compliments. No…this was how it had to be. He needed the positive reinforcement. If Hux was sweet to him after he had done something that he approved of it would help in the long run. Until the Supreme Leader could be spoken to, he had to try to train the knight to be at least somewhat more manageable. Still, this stung. This stung horribly. He did not want to be nice. Not after the night before had been so awful. He did not want to pretend that this was some sort of loving relationship.

And yet, this was his corner. He had backed himself into it, so Hux would do what he could. He’d been dealt a poor hand and he could not deny that he had played it very poorly. He was going to deal with the consequences of his actions with as much dignity as he could manage.

“You’re…” Hux began, trying to think of something he did not hate about Ren. He had not liked the man much before he had started touching him, and now he found himself struggling to think of a single trait he found tolerable. What did most people say they liked about their partners? Eyes? Hair? He supposed Ren’s were nice enough, but it still felt wrong to be so complimentary after what he had been subjected to. He bit back his pride and finished, “Your eyes are…nice. I suppose.”

Ren hummed again before turning and taking Hux by the wrist. Hux was about to shout, but noticed Ren seemed to have no interest in his hand. Instead he looked at the come and glided his finger over the teeth, eliciting a steady, scratching noise. He lowered his finger to the hair trapped beneath the teeth, “This is your comb?”

Hux nearly rolled his eyes, “Who else’s comb would I be using?”

Ren looked at where the teeth had caught a few stray black hairs and even fewer short, red ones. He was plainly pleased and fascinated by the sight of their hair entwined together. He grinned, “Yours are so bright. Your um…s-skin is bright too. You’re um…very…you’re…”

Hux took his arm back. A wrist hold was an incredibly easy thing to break and Ren was not holding him particularly tightly anyways. He replaced the comb and sighed, “We’ll be late if we don’t leave soon.”

As he rose Ren stammered, “I m-meant it though! Last night…I…I love you.”

Hux felt his face blanch at the statement. Those were words he was unfamiliar with but knew were not meant to be thrown around lightly. It seemed to take the knight a great deal of effort to get them out. Hux pursed his lips. He had relented on everything else, but not this. Saying he loved the knight back would open a door he might not be able to close again. It would leave him too vulnerable. It would cut off too many means of escape.

So he turned on his heel and choked out a shaky, “That’s nice…” as he practically dashed through the blast doors.

  

* * *

 

“So where are you boys off to now?” asked Tarkin, Ren sensed her mentally add, _‘And leaving me with all the boring negotiations and treaty making.’_

“Now that we have access to the Hosnian system, we plan to continue tracking the Resistance, Ma’am,” replied Hux, “We recently recovered a diary and hope it may provide some clues.”

“Well, if you find them, give them hell for me. It’ll serve them right,” said Tarkin, “Oh, by the way, I brought Millicent, she wanted to say goodbye.”

Sirus, radiating annoyance held the small ginger animal in his arms. Kylo sensed a strong fondness for the animal in him, and his outrage that Tarkin continued to neglect it. Stroking the animal seemed to calm him down though. Kylo wondered if Hux might calm down if he had a pet. As much as the General pretended to dislike the animal, Kylo sensed that Hux had not wanted anything bad to happen to it, a rare gesture on Hux’s part. He normally had no qualms wishing death or harm on people who irritated him. Maybe Hux would like a pet…no, it was a good idea in theory but Hux was too practical for that. If he got Hux a present it would have to be something small and easy to maintain… Still, he liked the image of Hux, sweet an innocent, a far cry from his usual demeanor, holding a small animal in his lap and soothing it, showing a side of himself that seemed to be Kylo’s alone to witness. It would never work, but Kylo imagined Hux holding an animal like Millicent as he looked up at him adoringly, _‘She’s perfect. I’m very grateful.’_

Hearing the words had been better than his imagination had ever been. It had taken a lot of restraint to hold off when Hux said he did not feel like being kissed, but he said he would allow it later, so it should not be too much longer now. Hux would allow himself to be kissed soon.

“I see…Well, goodbye…Millicent,” said Hux. Kylo nearly snorted. Hux was deliberating whether or not he should salute Millicent. He’d never said a goodbye to someone he had not needed to salute. It was precious. Hux was precious. It sounded too close to being called ‘pretty’ though. Kylo sensed there was more behind it than damaged masculinity, though there was plenty of that. When Kylo felt Hux react to the words there was pain. Not anxiety or uncertainty, pain. He did not want to hurt Hux, so he would avoid the words, but perhaps in time he could help Hux heal from whatever caused him to feel that way. Then he could enjoy it when he was complimented.

Hux seemed better than he had immediately after they’d fooled around. Kylo supposed Hux had stayed up all night working it out, being the insomniac he was. He still seemed tense, worried that someone might find out he had a lover. He was still projecting a steady stream of worry, confusion and resentment. He seemed to be upset with Kylo for making him cum. While Kylo could admit it must have been an embarrassing thing to go through, and he hardly wanted that to be Hux’s first exposure to more intense intimacy, it seemed odd that he would still be so upset over it. Perhaps it was the confusion. Hux was often thinking about conflicting feelings, liking something but also being so frightened by it. That could have been putting him on edge.

Kylo was not sure he regretted it though. He had not wanted to embarrass Hux, and never wanted to disorient him so badly. He had been hoping Hux would feel how good everything was and finally admit that he wanted to be touched and loved. Instead the night seemed to have been riddled with accidents. He certainly regretted that Hux’s first experience with intense touching had been a poor one, and Kylo really did want to make it up to him. He really wanted all off Hux’s firsts to be good ones. But as for making Hux come…he could not seem to feel any regret over it. He recalled how his eyes had fluttered shut, cursing as he cried out and his lithe body shuddered. He’d been so perfect, so beautiful. Kylo felt privileged to be the only one to see him come undone like that.

“You too! Say goodbye to Millie,” ordered Tarkin.

“Goodbye to Millie…” sighed Kylo before directing his thoughts at Tarkin, _“Last night was fun. We didn’t get as far as I would have liked, but it was fun. I’ve never had drinks with a friend before.”_

Tarkin stiffened slightly before looking over at Kylo. She grinned and said out loud, “And I’m going to miss this guy here. Never completed a raid that easily before. It was good having you around.”

Her thoughts were easy enough to read, manifesting in one slightly jumbled word, ‘ _Details?_ ’

Kylo briefly considered planting an image in her head, but refrained. He liked bragging about what he could do to the General. He liked describing how he could reduce the eloquent uptight man to a screaming, mewling wreck incapable of forming a complete sentence. He also did not mind showing off how sensitive the General was to touch. Once they were alone, in private though, Hux was his. Kylo decided he did not want to share these memories with Tarkin. The sound, sight, feeling and smell of Hux being thrown into ecstasy was his alone. Instead he replied out-loud, “I don’t hate you quite as much as I thought I would. You’ve proved your usefulness Admiral.”

Mentally he told her, _‘He’s a screamer. I won’t tell you anything more than that.’_

Tarkin grinned, then her smile dipped. Her melancholy was coming back and she was tainting the room with her stale, stagnant aura. She was upset, but she knew the reason now. She would be stuck on the ship, only to be dragged out for public appearances as the deal went down. She would be trapped in her alter-ego almost constantly as holovids and stills would be taken of her for journals and archives. She would be on Hosnia Prime until all the dealing was done, but even then she might still be trapped. She had to wait for the next battle, the next time she would be allowed some freedom.

And to top it all off the two people she found most interesting on the ship were leaving her behind…

“That’s all a girl like me can hope for I guess,” said Tarkin flippantly.

“I’ll write,” said Kylo.

Hux and Sirus looked at him, stunned.

“I’ll write to you through the proceedings. I trust you’ll have reports sent, but I would rather keep direct contact. So I’ll write to you,” repeated Kylo, “I expect a reply.”

“I see…I wouldn’t mind monitoring your progress either,” said Tarkin, still trying to keep her grin in place. Ren felt it before he saw it. He had not offered her any great kindness, but it shocked her straight to her core. He had no idea what sort of training officers had but if Tarkin and Hux were any indication it must have been beyond ridiculous. It may have produced a fierce fighter and a competent General, but Tarkin was a depressed suicidal wreck who got misty eyed when someone offered to stay in contact with her, and Hux had felt and experienced so little human kindness that he had mistaken a hug for an attack and felt awkward with any sort of affection. His hypersensitivity to touch was amusing, and admittedly arousing, but Kylo was also aware that it stemmed from Hux never receiving proper care when he was younger. Tarkin said he might have been hit before…Kylo hoped not. He didn’t like the idea of Hux’s father hitting him. A child being hurt by their father was too…

Tarkin finally broke down and wrapped her arms around Ren. He had been expecting it, but it still annoyed him slightly. She was going to get her tears and snot all over him. She pulled back and blubbered, “I’m gonna miss you bitchbucket.”

“Whatever you say, ironass,” said Kylo dryly.

Sirus nearly dropped Millicent and Hux seemed to be doing all he could to keep his jaw from dropping. Tarkin backed off and wiped her good eye with the back of her hand, “We’ll have to do this again. I enjoyed it. We even lost count of who had the most heads.”

“I did, clearly, don’t get ahead of yourself,” chided Kylo. Mentally he asked her, _‘If the order is given…if they order you to marry Hux…’_

Her reply was less clear than Hux’s usually were, but Kylo could make out the basics. _‘Marriage ≠ Love. Yours. Threesome maybe?’_

Kylo let out an audible scoff at the reply and Tarkin gave a resigned shrug, “Now you two get off my ship before I command you to stay forever.”

“Certainly Ma’am,” said Hux without a hint of irony. He saluted as she snorted, then turned sharply on his heels to ascend the gangplank.

Kylo watched him pass, took in his conflicting emotions. His victory in the field, his embarrassment in the bedroom, his relief at returning home…home? The _Finalizer_ was his real home? It made sense, but Kylo had expected that there might have been some planet, some more permanent place that Hux could call home? He probed a little deeper…ah, there was something. A building, white walls, people in white…Kylo pulled back with a start. A lab? Hux’s first memories of his homeworld was a First Order laboratory? There was another memory, very clear. There was homesickness, a sudden departure, a blue and green planet seen from far away in space. Kylo recognized it. Arkanis. He knew Hux was from Arkanis before, but seeing his memories felt much different from reading a file. He felt sad, frustrated feelings associated with the planet and brief reflections on his childhood. Kylo wondered if he could find a happy memory if he looked for one.

Kylo watched the billowing darkness around Hux. Nothing could make it flag or falter it seemed. Even now, tired, embarrassed, worried, pining for home, Hux just seemed to take it and make the darkness thicker, richer, stoking a quiet fury that was perpetually burning inside him. It was intoxicating. It was beautiful. It made Hux more perfect than he could have hoped for.

Kylo took one last look at Tarkin. She had taken Millicent from Sirus and held the animal close to her chest. He decided he did not hate her, he even pitied her a little. It seemed like such a waste that this was the use the First Order had found for someone with her talents. Surely they could find someone else with an impressive pedigree to rally behind. He might mention it when he spoke privately to his Master again. He smiled behind his mask. He would have a lot more to tell him about his Hux as well…

* * *

 

Hux felt like sleeping as he sat in a secluded corner of the shuttle. The last sleep he remembered having was when he had passed out drunk, and he had no idea how long that had been. Sleep might have done him some good, but he did not need the indulgence, not when there were better uses for his time. For the first time in over twenty-four hours he retrieved his datapad and began reviewing the diary. There were no names or places stated, officially at any rate, but the details gave some things away. He tried thinking of it from a new angle.

The Resistance fighters had access to Blue Milk, and the author was disappointed that it had curdled. The fact that it had been worth a mention must have been significant, meaning they must have been in a place where the drink was uncommon. She had spotted a supernova. Cross-checking the systems where the supernova had been visible with systems where Blue Milk was a rarity had given a few places to start. They had also had been in a skirmish where they had lost many allies just before the supernova. That also helped narrow down systems in which the Resistance might have bases of operation.

Hux caught Ren staring at him again. He had taken his mask off and would gaze at him from across the shuttle. Hux had contemplated spending the rest of the trip in the cockpit, but he had no real excuse or reason to be there. The pilot and co-pilot were Tarkin’s, so he could not even say he was going to ask after Phasma or the _Finalizer_ ’s crew. He sighed, “R…Kylo…please stop looking at me.”

“You like making speeches on platforms, you’d think you’d be used to being looked at,” scoffed Ren. He got to his feet. Hux clutched his datapad; that had not been an invitation for Ren to examine him more closely.

Ren took a seat on the bench beside him, looking at the maps on the datapad over Hux’s shoulder. Hux shivered at the feeling of the other man’s breath going down his collar and tried not to shrink from him. Ren hesitantly asked, “Why do you- why are you so uncomfortable with being looked at?”

“I might ask you the same thing,” said Hux haughtily, “You almost never look me in the eye.”

“That’s different,” said Ren dismissively, “You’ll stare anyone down like they’re scum on your boot, but when I was kissing you and took off your clothes-”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” said Hux sharply, “I’m working.”

Ren reached over him and shut off the datapad. Hux glared up at him. Had Ren been one of his soldiers he would be dead right now. Hux would have thrown him out of the airlock, snapped his neck, or dashed his brains out against the shuttle’s bench. But this was Kylo Ren, who could freeze his body with a thought, sift through his thoughts on a whim and was desperate for any excuse to touch him. He was also the Supreme Leader’s apprentice, and as frightening as Ren could be, the Supreme Leader was a thousand times more terrifying.

Ren continued, “I want to make it up to you. I wanted to make you feel good.”

There were half a dozen answers on the tip of his tongue but none of them seemed right. Instead Hux ignored the question entirely, “We’ve just gained access to the Hosnian system, we struck and great blow against the New Republic’s fleet, we have an enemy General in captivity, we might finally be able to find where the Resistance is hiding…why can’t we talk about those things? Don’t they seem like important things that we should be discussing? I don’t want to talk about last night anymore.”

“But…we should,” said Ren, reaching up and rubbing the backs of his fingers against Hux’s arm, “You don’t like it when I’m in your head. If you don’t tell me what’s wrong and you won’t let me in your mind, I can’t know what made you so upset.”

“I wasn’t…” Hux began and was not sure how to conclude the statement. He had not been ready or equipped to handle any of the things Ren had done to him. Physically or mentally. He had no idea how his body was going to respond and hand almost no control over the intensity of his reactions. He was upset by the fact that he’d ejactulated with so little stimulation, but that fact paled in comparison that if things had gone further, Ren would have…

Hux stopped that train of thought. They were in a shuttle, a small vessel. If Ren lost his temper on the Finalizer it was not inexcusable, but the ship was large enough to withstand the punishment. If Ren threw a tantrum here it would get them both killed. Hux shook his head. He couldn’t say he had not wanted it. Ren would refuse to believe him and try to prove him wrong.

“Is it…how I look?” asked Ren. He retracted his hand, “I know I’m strange. Even if you don’t look at people and feel desire you must still have things you think look nice and things that don’t.”

“You were in my head, you know that’s not the case,” said Hux, trying one more time to read over his notes and hoped Ren would take the hint and leave him alone.

“I just…don’t know how to make you feel better,” said Ren. He waved his fingers as if casting some sort of magic spell, “You will feel better?”

Hux looked at his fingers and scowled slightly, “Now you’re being ridiculous…”

“W-What if I kissed you?” asked Ren. He added, slightly lamely, “It’s later…When I was little, I liked being kissed when I was sad. Didn’t someone ever kiss you when you were hurt or upset?”

“No,” said Hux, willing himself to look at Ren squarely, “I was ordered to become stronger than whatever it was that hurt me. That’s what I’m going to do. Now I would appreciate a moment’s peace so I can sort through this and focus on my work.”

Ren seemed taken aback by that, “I can’t say that’s the best way…or even practical.”

“You know what I mean,” muttered Hux dryly.

“It’s important to learn from things but…you don’t have to learn by yourself anymore. You have me so…you can tell me things. I’ll help,” said the knight. He was so earnest that Hux was slightly taken aback by it. That went away as soon as he felt Ren put an arm around his waist.

Hux pressed a hand against the knight’s chest, “Let go.”

“It’s okay…you don’t have to be scared. I know it wasn’t the best it could have been but it didn’t hurt. You know it doesn’t hurt, don’t be afraid,” said Kylo softly, trying to pull him closer.

“I’m not obligated to comply for another three days,” said Hux, coldly and clinically, expertly masking his panic behind his usual stoicism. Ren could do it if he wanted. Hux was painfully aware that Ren have him right then and there in the shuttle if he had a mind for it. It would not take much to freeze him in place. There was nothing he could do to make Ren stop, but he could not help it. He felt compelled to resist. After being still and compliant with Ren the night before, he felt that he had to at least try to say no. He sighed through his nose, “I let you have your fun last night. I don’t have to let you touch me for another three days.”  

“Maybe not, but I know we won’t have much time when we get back,” said Ren, pressing close, “This is the last chance we might get for a long time, so we should make the most of it.”

Hux glared up at him, recalling the list, “You just want to debauch me in the back of a shuttle.”

“No I…I mean yes but…n-not now, no…” muttered Kylo sheepishly, “I just…want to make you feel better. I think I can help.”

Hux very much doubted that. Ren wanted to kiss him. If he wanted to help, really wanted to help, he would have left Hux to sort things out at his own pace. He would have backed off. If he had really, truly had anything close to his best interests in mind, he would have stopped as Hux had shouted ‘no’ for the first time in the hallway. Hux pushed back with his hand as he closed his eyes, “If I let you kiss me will you promise to leave me alone?”

Ren stopped at that. He looked away slightly, “I was hoping…since we might not get to for a really long time…and since you need to adjust we could…” Ren started when Hux pushed him back and stammered, “N-Nothing serious! I swear! Just…maybe…play a bit.”

“Don’t call it that,” said Hux firmly, “I’m not a toy for you to play with.”

“But…maybe…could we? I won’t project. I want to make up for what happened…I’ll take care of you,” insisted Ren.

It was clear that Ren was not going to give up and fighting back would just lead to him being frozen with no say in the matter. He could not fight, but he could talk. Hux had learned a few things, rules, how things seemed to work in Ren’s mind. He could not fight, but he could stall, and if he could stall long enough the shuttle would dock and hopefully nothing serious would happen between them. He put the datapad aside, “I want to talk first.”

“Talk?” asked Ren.

“Yes, talk. If we do…what you have planned…I’ll need at least fifteen minutes to put myself back together. So, we’ll talk for half an hour-”

“Twenty minutes?”

“…twenty minutes. Does that give you enough time?” asked Hux.

“You’re stalling,” said Ren, his gentleness finally giving way as he became somewhat irate.

Hux tried something different, “I like talking to you. I want to find out more about you…I would feel better if I knew more about you.”

Hux sighed through his nose as Ren put a hand on his leg. He began thinking about advanced chemical equations to shield his thoughts in case something went wrong. He looked up at Ren, “I’d rather you didn’t do that while we talked.”

“It’s okay, I won’t do anything, I just like being close to you,” Ren tried to assure him, “Don’t be scared…”  

He watched Ren’s hand apprehensively. He tried to ignore the pleasant heat that seeped through his clothes and how gentle, almost platonic Ren was being with him. He was so unused to this sort of touch. It would be so easy to understand if Ren just hit him. At the very least Hux would be able to comprehend that an unpleasant touch was coming from an unpleasant person. But this was…someone he hated, doing something he hated that was almost pleasant. He did his best to shut the feeling our as he asked, “Why did I see a spider last night?”

“A spider?”

“Yes, in your mind. You were pulling its legs off.”

“Oh,” said Ren, giving a slight shrug and fixing his eyes straight ahead as he leaned on Hux’s shoulder, “Just something I had been thinking about. The way you squirmed was-” The knight caught himself, “N-Not that I think you’re a spider! Or that I want to pull your legs off! I-I don’t…I promise…I always keep my promises…”  

Hux had briefly made a study of human behavior. He was familiar of the three warning signs present in children who might grow up to be serial killers. Cruelty to animals, arson and chronic bed wetting. He was not about to ask Ren about his bladder control, but the other two were accounted for. When Ren talked about Hux’s shivers he compared it to setting old linen on fire. He always described the sensation as something to do with heat, ‘sparks’ ‘melting’ ‘lighting up.’ Now there was the spider. Hux felt a little closer to understanding whatever was wrong with the knight. Perhaps with more understanding he could become more adept at surviving. If there was a label he could put on Ren, it would be easier to come up with strategies.

“You must have done it too when you were a kid,” said Ren, “Don’t tell me the fearsome General Hux never killed a spider before.”

“When I had to, but I liked spiders, I fed them flies I caught,” admitted Hux, recalling catching a fly and loosing it in a web, watching with fascination as a spider crawled from its hiding place and began desiccating the smaller, struggling creature.

“Hm?” asked Ren, moving his hand along Hux’s thigh gently.

Hux caught Ren’s hand and held it still. He elaborated, “I liked studying how they built their webs and traps. Their hunting methods, how they would stun and kill their prey.”

“And look at you now, spinning your little thought webs and planning Resistance traps,” purred Kylo. He nuzzled against Hux, breathing in deeply through his nose before letting out a pleased sigh, “Let me lie on your lap?”

He did not give Hux time to answer before lying across his legs. As always, Hux was reminded that despite nearly being the same height, Ren was certainly in a different weight class. Ren settled his cheek on Hux’s thigh and took his hand, guiding it to his hair. Hux sighed, annoyed and absentmindedly stroked and tugged at the black curls. Ren repeated, “So…why won’t you look at me when I touch you? I know you’re blocking something. Did…did something happen to you?”

“Don’t be stupid,” scoffed Hux, glancing out the viewport.

“You can tell me,” said Ren softly, trailing a hand over his thigh, “If something happened, I’d help. I can find whoever hurt you. I could kill them.”

He said it so nonchalantly, as if killing someone was nothing. Hux was ready and able to take a life, but he knew the act was a dire one that had consequences. He rarely lost sleep over taking out an enemy or the odd trouble-case within the First Order, except if their end had been particularly gruesome, but even if death was a necessary way to end a problem, there were repercussions, things to be remedied. Ren did not seem to realize that though. He said it as if it was as simple as offering to pick up Hux’s laundry from the cleaner’s.

“Nothing happened,” lied Hux. Ren had happened. He had been fine before, perfectly happy with his sexless existence, and then Ren happened.

“So, you’re just nervous?” asked Ren.

“I suppose,” replied Hux. It was an easy way out and the answer left his lips smoothly.

“You don’t have to be. You’re pre…I mean…you’re really good looking. I would have thought you’d have had more admirers,” said the knight.

There had been people who admired him, as a fellow officer and comrade. There had been others who admired him the way Ren did, but a few blows to the head and a handful of missing teeth always put that to a quick end, and sent a warning to others. Hux had managed to make it clear within his first few months at the Academy that he was only there to train and study. As such, he rarely had to contend with being looked at the way Ren tended to watch him.  

“You don’t have to be ashamed. Is that what they taught you at your father’s academy? How to be embarrassed when someone finds you attractive? You must have been top of your class,” asked Ren teasingly, possibly trying to lighten the mood. If he was, he was failing.  

“No,” said Hux bluntly, “And once again, I have a hard time taking criticism from someone who can’t look me in the eye.”

“It’s different,” Ren repeated, “You glare a lot. I don’t like it.”

Hux did not believe the answer, not completely. He could not help thinking it was linked to some sort of neurosis. He tried to narrow down what Ren might possibly have that would make him act this way. Obvious empathy issues, likely starting in childhood, a penchant for violence, and an odd discomfort with talking about sex despite his posturing and supposed experience. There had to be something that would fit all of those symptoms.

“I can look when you aren’t glaring at me,” said Kylo. Hux could hear the grin in Kylo’s voice as he added, “I looked at your eyes a lot last night. You were the one who kept trying to look at the wall.”

Kylo traced small circles over his knee, “I could feel it. You think if we do it then it will somehow mean you’re weak.”

“You mean ‘have sex,’ and no, I don’t think sex makes a person weak,” lied Hux. He had always secretly held contempt for anyone who admitted to having any sort of sexual appetite. It was hard for Hux to believe that a soldier was willing to put the First Order above all else when they went on and on about a spouse or lover. It was also a very stupid thing to broadcast a potential weak point like that. Like begging for their significant other to be kidnapped or murdered. Besides, sex in this case was hardly the issue. It was the fact that Ren was forcing him to have sex against his will and there was nothing he could do to stop it. That made him feel weak…worthless…

“Liar,” scoffed Kylo softly, “You’re allowed to indulge yourself every once and a while. Maybe that’s why your body isn’t doing what you want it to. You aren’t particularly nice to it.”

“And you would know my body better than I do, wouldn’t you?” glowered Hux.  

“I do…You don’t sleep much, you wake up stupidly early, seeing you without a shirt makes me think you forget to eat sometimes, when you get hurt you force yourself to try to work before you’re ready, though even when you’re well you push your body to its limits you don’t allow yourself to enjoy human touch, the only thing you do for your body is keep it clean. I mean it Hux, when’s the last time you-”

Ren stopped talking. He sat up suddenly and stared at the door to the cockpit. Hux watched him, leaning back into the corner as Ren stared straight ahead, fixed and attentive. He sighed and leaned back, “My Master wishes to speak with us as soon as we return.”

“I see,” said Hux, glad that Ren was not having a psychotic episode and his chance to address Ren’s abuse of power would come sooner rather than later.

“So, as I was saying, when was the last time you let your body have something it wanted?” asked Ren, grinning up at him.

Hux searched his memory, thinking that something would come quickly and he could use it to shut Ren up. But it did not. Hux could not think of a time when he went out of his way to do something ‘nice’ for himself. That sort of thinking was childish and bred lazy self-indulgence. A soldier, a General, needed to be focused on self-improvement and the good of the First Order at all times. He should not be giving himself rewards simply because he wanted them, he would be acknowledged and rewarded by others because his behavior or accomplishments had merit. Achieving a goal was usually reward enough though.

Ren snorted and nuzzled against Hux, “Why not give it a try now? Tell me what you want, what you really want, and I’ll do it.”

‘ _Throw yourself out the airlock_ ,’ Hux thought before he could stifle himself. Ren let out a bark of laughter before rising and kissing Hux on the neck, “We are feisty today aren’t we...?”

Hux tried to meld with the wall as Ren continued to press into him. He addressed Hux playfully, trying to will him to be cheerful, “Go ahead, tell me what you want me to do. I’m yours to command, General.”

Hux remained silent. He did not want to be touched. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to work. Ren stroked his cheek gently, “If you won’t tell me, I’ll make my best guess. Don’t worry this time it’ll be fun.”

Hux pushed his hand away, “Don’t.”

“Then look me in the eye and tell me how you want it,” said Ren.

So he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Say nothing and Ren would force him, or pick his poison and allow Ren the satisfaction of bullying him into compliance again. If he resisted Ren would either get angry or imagine he was playing hard to get. If he complied, he would hate it, but at least he might be able to keep Ren’s wandering hands slightly at bay. Then again, he had lost most of his dignity and self-respect last night. Ren kept promising it would not hurt, so if he did resist, what did he really have left to lose? His pride was nearly broken, so if he played along was there anything left to shatter?

“It’s okay,” said Ren, settling his hands on Hux’s collar and starting to undo the clasps, “I found a few places you like. I won’t go too far. I’ll make sure it’s good for you.”

Hux closed his eyes and thought of quadratics.

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

 

"So...do you wanna do it now?" asked Kylo, poking Hux's upper arm. 

"No," replied Hux bluntly. 

Kylo waited about ten seconds before inquiring, "How about now?" 

"No," groaned Hux. 

"Now?" 

"No." 

"Now?" 

"No!" 

"What about...now?" 

Hux turned and glared at Kylo, "Yes.  Absolutely.  Your penis has cured me of my asexuality and low libido and I positively can't live without your dick." 

"Really?" asked Kylo hopefully with stars in his eyes. 

"NO!" barked Hux, jumping up and waving his arms furiously, "That's not how this works!  That's not how ANY of this works!  You're a looney and I hope you get hit by a bus!  I don't even know how you'd be hit by a bus!  We're in outer fucking space!" 

Kylo screwed his face in concentration as he processed the General's outburst, "So...that's a tentative yes?"

Hux looked down at Kylo irately, "Didn't you die last night?" 

"No..." said Kylo, now incredibly confused, "Pretty sure I didn't.  So...since I'm alive...do you wanna-"

"No, no, you died and I got this gold statue thing," insisted Hux.  He gasped, "We may have come across some sort of inter-dimensional phenomenon!  Do you know what this means, Ren!?" 

The knight shrugged slowly and hazarded, "...sex?" 

Hux palmed his forehead and groaned.  This was going to be a long shuttle ride. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooo boy, so my plan was to have this out a while ago, but between moving and my insane work schedule and Eight's insane work schedule, it just didn't work out. It's going to be pretty spotty until the move is over but I am going to try to keep updating regularly. Sorry for the wait, and after such a sad chapter too...


	16. Oh, Don't Deceive Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there a Kilgrave System...probably not. Why stop making shit up now? :P 
> 
> Sorry for the long break between updates. Moving is hard

Hux wished he could have enjoyed the applause he received as he walked down the gangplank.  It was a hero’s welcome, a homecoming, celebrating his greatest triumph to date.  He kept his face set like stone, something his crew would later attribute to the General’s stoicism, or a possible display of humility and graciousness.  He walked silently, quickly, ignoring the applause and adulation as he passed with Ren at his side.  It all rang hollow in his ears.  He could direct a battle, he could defeat an enemy fleet, he could collaborate with the First Order’s greatest celebrity…

…but he could not ignore the fresh bruises that Ren had left under his clothes. 

Hux knew that he bruised surprisingly easily, a consequence of having fair skin.  If he accidentally bumped into a console, he would bruise.  If he had something heavy in a satchel that rubbed against his leg, it would bruise.  Sometimes he would wake up with spots and blotches on his body with no recollection of how they could have gotten there.  It was no great feat to cause little purple and brown marks to appear on his skin.  Kylo Ren had discovered this, much to his delight.  In fact he had been so delighted that he had not bothered removing Hux’s undershirt, opting to tear it at the collar so he could suck and bite at his skin to leave more marks.  Hux had pulled back immediately when it happened and shouted, too scandalized over his uniform being defaced to worry whether the pilot or co-pilot heard him or not.  Ren became startled and sheepish at that, saying he wouldn’t have torn it if he had known how much it meant to Hux, but not saying a word on the fact that he had been touching him without permission.  Again. 

He could feel the torn fabric bunching uncomfortably, the sore skin chafing against the rough fabric of his tunic, all while he walked amidst the thunderous applause.  Hux could not enjoy it.  All he could think was if his crew knew what he had allowed Ren to do to him, he was fairly certain they would all turn their backs on him. 

The first person he met on the way to the Supreme Leader’s holochamber was Mitaka.  He was stifling a grin, no doubt thrilled with the part he had played in the battle.  He saluted Hux smartly before announcing, “Welcome back General.  It’s good to have you aboard again.” 

“Good to know you’re not too eager to stay in command Lieutenant,” said Hux drolly, saluting back.  At least he did not have to worry about Mitaka becoming drunk with power and threatening mutiny.  It was really the last thing he needed after the day and night he had had. 

Phasma was also waiting, which was a slight surprise.  She usually kept to herself.  Being the head of the Stormtroopers meant that she did not need to interact with Hux or his crew unless there was something vital to report or their forces were collaborating.  Hux cocked his brow as she saluted him, “General.” 

“Captain,” said Hux saluting back and pausing.  He heard Kylo’s loud footsteps stop behind him.  He stifled a groan and inquired, “Have the prisoners been transferred to Admiral Tarkin and General Sirus’ custody?” 

“Yes Sir, we are ready to proceed through the Hosnian system towards our next target,” replied the Captain. 

“Any noteworthy casualties to report?” asked Hux. 

“None.  The New Republic offered little resistance after General Nohr’s surrender,” said Phasma.  After a slight pause she added, “Sir, I believe this victory was achieved too easily.” 

Normally Hux would not have bothered with the comment, chocking it up to paranoia, but this was Phasma, and with the number of prisoners taken it was possible that one might be a saboteur.  He recalled Ren mentioning an assassin waiting in their guest room on the Helden. 

Ren cut in, “If there was a saboteur I would have sensed something.” 

“Then how did that assassin get onboard?” demanded Hux. 

Ren paused, before answering, “Well if you had stayed sober you would have known, wouldn’t you?” 

Hux nearly rolled his eyes and looked up at Phasma, “I understand.  Proceed with caution.  Let me know if your men see anyone suspicious.  It would not be the first time someone tried to infiltrate a Star Destroyer by stealing Stormtrooper armour.” 

“Yes Sir, and I would appreciate if you gave your crew similar instruction,” suggested the Captain. 

“I’ll have the message sent out as soon as we have informed the Supreme Leader of our progress,” promised Hux.  He exchanged salutes with the Captain before walking away.  He pulled at the front of his tunic, trying to straighten out the torn shirt beneath it when he thought nobody was looking.  Damned Ren and his impulsiveness… 

“You’re mine…” Ren whispered from beneath his mask, “Don’t run off with someone else, especially after last night.  I don’t think I could…just…don’t you dare go to someone else.” 

Someone else?  Hux looked over his shoulder at Ren incredulously, “So I’m not allowed to talk to other people now, is that it?  You don’t give me orders.  I’ll speak with _my_ officers on _my_ ship if I feel inclined to do so.” 

“She was…it was a primitive impulse, she was pleased for you, and with your achievement…and you enjoyed her company.  I know you’re mad about your uniform but…you can’t.  I love you…I marked you, you’re mine, so don’t even think about it, General,” growled Ren. 

Hux fixed his eyes straight ahead again and kept walking, “I like talking with her because she gets straight to the point and we accomplish our goals quickly and efficiently.  Perhaps I’d like you better if you did the same.”

“General Hux likes finishing quickly and efficiently.  There’s a joke there,” said Ren bitterly.  His voice softened before he added, “That was…I was just angry.  You were being…You can’t be upset with me if I didn’t intend to hurt you.” 

Hux gritted his teeth and kept walking, “Oh, can’t I?”  He let out a low snarl, “Just watch me.” 

* * *

 

It had only been a few days, but it felt like a lifetime.  Standing before the Supreme Leader never felt real.  Not because of the holograms, but because of his presence.  It felt otherworldly, like a nightmare where everything was perfectly normal, except for the creeping feeling that something about the world was horribly wrong, and suddenly the dreamer felt the urge to run.  The man’s presence was skin-crawlingly uncanny, though Hux could never put his finger exactly on why.  It was probably something to do with the Force, and as such it fell beyond his understanding.  It was something Hux had always hated about the Force.  Without experiencing it, he could never truly comprehend it.    

He also sensed his power instinctively.  Hux was used to being the smartest person in a room.  Perhaps others might be more physically imposing or have more field experience, but Hux could usually count his intelligence far outstripping everyone else’s.  He had been on par with most of his teachers since he was about fourteen, and it was rare that he could engage in an intellectual debate or conversation with someone who could keep up with him.  He had felt inexperienced before, but never like he was facing a task or challenge or opponent who could outthink him.  When he looked up at the Supreme Leader though, he felt jarringly outclassed in his own field of expertise, and he hated every second of it. 

He stood, looking upwards.  The Supreme Leader must have sensed his hate, his humiliation, coming off of him and filling the room with it.  If it looked anything like Ren’s odd Force-vision had when he projected it into Hux’s mind, dark energy billowed out of him like smoke from a bonfire then there would be no hiding it.  Was it the same with everyone?  Or was that why Ren…

Hux wished he had not made that conclusion here of all places, where he was forbidden from questioning and prying. 

“You will pursue the Resistance based on your findings,” instructed Snoke. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” replied Hux obediently. 

“Kylo Ren, you will depart for the Kilgrave system,” the Supreme Leader continued, “You will be able to sense the purpose of your mission when you arrive.” 

Hux had assumed that Ren had known this even before entering the room.  The Supreme Leader had contacted him telepathically on the shuttle after all.  Apparently he was wrong though.  Kylo did not give an immediate affirmative answer, as was usually the case.  He waited, he cast a slow glance at Hux and then the General understood.  This was Ren’s first time hearing about the mission, and he was not as interested in accepting it as he was in his personal interests. 

Then Hux felt it.  Ren, by appearances, was calm and indifferent.  His mind was a different story.  Hux could feel him throwing a mental tantrum, but not an angry one.  It was fear, so thick in the air that despite not having an ounce of Force sensitivity in his body Hux was gagging on it.  He felt like he was being choked.  He felt ribbons, bands, rope, something flexible and binding wrapping around him.  Hux felt Ren’s thoughts echoing in his head as he lashed out incoherently, _‘He’s mine.  Please.  Don’t take him away.  I did my best!  I don’t know what I did wrong!  Don’t take him away!  I’ll do better, I promise!  Please! **He’s mine!** ’_

Hux stayed perfectly still, trained not to move unless he was entering or leaving the chamber.  His thoughts were another story.  He needed to make Ren stop.  He was choking from the bonds around him.  He was being smothered by the power of whatever it was coming off of Ren.  If this kept up Ren might actually kill him. 

So Hux mentally shouted right back, _“Stop.”_   Ren continued his fit, so Hux tried something else, _“Kylo, you’re_ **hurting** _me!”_  

Ren audibly gasped and the fit subsided.  Hux glanced at him briefly from the corner of his eye as the Supreme Leader asked in a smooth tone, “Is something wrong, Knight of Ren?” 

“No.  Forgive me, Master, I was distracted.  I will make preparations immediately,” said Ren. 

“Then you may depart.  General Hux, I would have a word with you.” 

Hux stood as still as a statue as Ren turned and gave him what must have been a curious look through the mask.  It had been the other way around for as long as either of them could remember.  Ren would speak with Snoke, Master to Apprentice in private while Hux would be dismissed early.  More than that, Hux had never spoken with the Supreme Leader privately, and he had a feeling it was not to congratulate him on his strategic prowess. 

Ren walked away, his footsteps echoing as he took quick, heated steps down the catwalk.  Hux had no idea what he ought to do or say.  He could only look up at the towering hologram as Ren’s footsteps faded away, then were silenced as the blast doors closed behind him.  Was the Supreme Leader expecting him to say something?  Ask a question?  Perhaps he had sensed that Hux wanted to discuss what Ren had done to him and what steps ought to be taken going forward.  He deepened his breathing to keep calm and only succeeded in making the bruises on his chest and stomach ache. 

“My apprentice has formed a strong attachment to you, General,” said Snoke, no, the hologram, calmly and evenly. 

Hux suddenly felt the urge to look away.  That confirmed that the Supreme Leader knew all about Ren and his perversions.  If he had picked up on any of Ren’s thoughts and feelings on the shuttle he probably knew everything that had happened on the Helden.  He did not sound particularly sympathetic either.  This was it.  He was going to be transferred, belittled, humiliated.  Ren’s little outburst against the Supreme Leader was likely what just cost Hux his command.  No, not yet.  Surely if that was the case the Supreme Leader would have cut straight to the point.  He also still had his mission.  At least for a little while he still held command of the Finalizer until that mission’s conclusion.  That might be enough time to prove himself worthy of continuing his work in spite of Ren’s tantrums and perversions.    

Hux replied quickly, “Forgive me, Supreme Leader, I am doing everything in my power to dissuade him.” 

“That won’t be necessary, General,” said Snoke, cutting him off. 

Hux could not help it.  His stoic expression slipped from his face.  His eyes widened, his mouth opened and then closed briefly.  He shook his head involuntarily, “I…I don’t understand…Forgive me, I must have heard…incorrectly…” 

“That won’t be necessary,” repeated Snoke, “There is no need for you to sever his attachment.” 

Collecting himself slightly, Hux let out a shaky, “Y-Yes, Sir…” 

What else was there that he _could_ say?

“No doubt your exposure to my Apprentice has taught you much about the dark side of the Force,” remarked Snoke, leaning down slightly to look at Hux more closely.  No, it was a hologram, just a hologram.  The hologram continued, “Fear, hate and passion give him strength.  It is good for him to use every means at his disposal to gain more power and mastery over the dark side.” 

Hux tried to screw his courage.  He had to say it.  Just one sentence and perhaps a new strategy might be devised.  A way that Ren could keep whatever power he acquired without causing any additional stress and discomfort.  Just a sentence.  A few words.  What were a few words to him?  Hux made speeches and announcements on a daily basis.  A sentence could not have been so frightening as that. 

“Supreme Leader he…” Hux began, his throat felt dry.  His tongue was like a lump of tar in his mouth.  His hands shook as he pressed his fingers into his palms feverishly.  He could feel the colour draining from his face.  He had to finish.  He had to finish the statement.  Hux took a few breaths and swallowed before closing his eyes and blurting out quietly, “He molested me...” 

“You will keep his interest within the First Order,” commanded Snoke. 

Hux felt himself slipping again, succumbing to the fear and humiliation the situation was subjecting him to.  Was he going to ignore it entirely?  Perhaps he should have worded it more strongly.  What if this was not regarded as a serious offence among Force-Users?  What if he had to wait until Ren did something much, much worse before Hux’s complaints would be taken seriously.  Because the Supreme Leader, his commander, had all but ordered him to allow Ren to…there had to be some mistake.  He managed to gasp out a strangled, “S-sir?” 

“You could not have felt it, but his attachment assisted in giving him strength.  It also focused his hatred on your enemies, the New Republic and the Resistance,” explained Snoke.  He leered at Hux, “Imagine what might become of him and the First Order if his allegiances shifted.  If he attached himself to someone on the wrong side of this conflict.” 

The mental image did not need much prompting.  Hux could imagine it clearly.  Ren having some silly infatuation with a Resistance fighter or idealistic Senator seemed like something the knight would stupidly fall into.  If push came to shove, if the person he became infatuated with refused to change their allegiance, if the First Order tried to arrest or apprehend them, Kylo Ren would undoubtedly fight back.  It was easy enough to imagine Kylo Ren betraying the First Order over something stupid like that.  Ren was reckless.  Every facet of his unpredictable being needed to be reigned in and controlled and this seemed to be an effective way of going about it.  Ren might not be enamoured with the First Order, but if he had a lover who provided extra incentive to stay, Ren would stay.  Ren would be obedient.  If he had a lover that would be all well and good but Hux did not want to be the knight’s-

 “It would be disastrous for your strategies if the Kylo Ren abandoned his post.  Even more so if he defected to the Resistance and his power was used for their benefit.  Surely you understand why he must be placated, General,” reasoned Snoke.  He added warningly, “The Resistance has caused much damage on their own.  Imagine how their power would grow if someone with the strength Kylo Ren possesses joined their ranks.” 

It would be a disaster.  With General Organa’s slight sensitivity to the Force, she could predict movements and sense danger in a way that Hux knew he would never be capable.  If Ren became bored, if his obsessions changed, it was possible that he could destroy the First Order on a silly whim.  It would be exactly like when Darth Vader betrayed the Emperor at the behest of his son.  That would leave everyone…

“It is for the best if the object of his desires is loyal to the First Order, so he can be guided properly,” said Snoke before leering at Hux accusingly, “You _are_ loyal, aren’t you General?” 

Hux could not deny that he had indulged in lofty dreams like ruling the galaxy, but it was always with and through the power of the First Order.  Nonetheless, he instinctively buried them.  It was silly, like a child trying to hide a mess that was too large to conceal.  He had no doubt if the Supreme Leader wanted to, he could reach into his mind and pluck out the possibly traitorous thought. 

Hux replied, “Yes…yes of course I am.”

“Are you confident in your ability to hold his attention?” asked the Supreme Leader.  As Hux tried to formulate an answer he revised the question, “Perhaps the question was unfairly phrased, given your unusual disposition.” 

Unusual?  He must have meant Hux’s inability to experience attraction and almost non-existent sex-drive.  Hux willed himself to keep staring up at the hologram.  It was just a hologram, he reminded himself.  He had not liked the way the Supreme Leader had said that word though.  _Unusual_.  Like his sexuality was a foolish mistake that needed correcting.  That he was somehow abnormal or defective.  Hux had always thought of it as one of his greatest strengths.  It allowed him to focus.  It kept him from making distracting attachments.  It kept his head free from useless desires.  Was that wrong?  Was the way his brain operated more burden than boon?  He knew it was not statistically common, but he had never considered himself unusual.  He had been called that, of course, but always by someone far stupider than he was.  The Supreme Leader on the other hand, was not, and he seemed to think him odd.  Perhaps he was a little odd- 

“Will you do everything in your power to keep my Apprentice’s interest in the Dark Side from flagging?” asked Snoke. 

Ren had mentioned that before, sometimes being drawn to the Light.  As Hux understood it, those who used the light, the Jedi, often sided with the Resistance, or Rebels, or Old Republic.  If he, for some reason, kept Ren grounded in darkness, it would remove the temptation to join more closely with the light, and possibly the Resistance. 

But the cost of that was… 

Hux had already resigned himself to this.  It was just his body.  He had already sworn to die in the name of the First Order, surely that was the more difficult vow to make.  His body was a tool, for fighting, for control, another means to an end.  This was simply taking it to its next logical step, another use he might be put to in the service of the First Order.  It was something their spies had to do frequently, have sex with a target for the sake of a mission, to follow orders, and they seemed none the worse for wear because of it.  It was a resourceful decision, it was a well calculated move, and it was a purely mercenary decision in which no great losses would be suffered.  That was what the logical part of his brain told him. 

The illogical part of his brain was screaming for there to be some other way.  Something else to guarantee Ren’s attachment, something else to keep him pacified.  Any substitute would do.  He could only repeat to himself over and over ‘ _I do not want this_ ,’ like a spoiled child.  But why was he thinking that?  Ren had been true to his word and not hurt him physically, he had upheld his end to lessen the damage from his outbursts, and what had it cost?  A few kisses?  A little discomfort?  Only a fool would look at the results and continue to petulantly repeat to themselves that they did not want to go through with it. 

Hux forced himself to stop.  He would make peace with this.  He had to.  Ren was not giving him a choice.  The Supreme Leader was issuing his orders.  It had to be done, so he would do it. 

“Yes…” whispered Hux, barely managing to get the answer passed the barrier of his clenched teeth.  That was not a proper reply for a soldier.  Hux corrected himself, repeating more loudly but still with uncontrollable uncertainty, “Yes, Sir...” 

Snoke looked at him more closely.  Hux forced himself to keep eye contact with the colossus in front of him.  No, it was just a hologram.  Suddenly Hux heard a voice, Snoke’s voice, inside his head, _“Did I detect unwillingness in your tone.”_

Instinctively Hux flushed all the thoughts from his head except for a resounding shout.  The Supreme Leader looked down at him, expression unaltered, “This arrangement is not without its benefits to you General.  I doubt such an advanced technique would have come to you without the necessary motivation.” 

Hux’s eyes widened with realization.  He had, on reflex, performed the mental equivalent of slapping the Supreme Leader across the face.  His mouth went dry.  Should he apologize?  Should he wait for the matter to be addressed?  Why had he not been killed the instant he reacted that way? 

“Don’t be alarmed General.  My apprentice made mention of your defenses.  It was a test of your strength in expulsion arts,” said Snoke dismissively.  Hux felt the words flow over him like oil.  They seemed to stick to him.  Ren talked to the Supreme Leader about him?  For how long?  How often?  Snoke continued, “With proper instruction your petty attempts might become something to be reckoned with.  You also seem to have experience calming him.  Surely you can see how you’re the only one on the _Finalizer_ capable of containing him.  A weaker man would have folded.” 

There was a way to shut out force users?  A way to protect himself from Ren’s powers?  The lightsaber still posed a problem, but if there was a way to sever Force bonds, expel an intruder from his mind or lock away private thoughts, Hux wanted to know it.  He wanted to keep Ren out of his head.  Of everything Ren wanted to take that was the one thing Hux refused to compromise on.  Ren could take anything except his mind.

“Forgive me Supreme Leader…” said Hux, not knowing what else to say.  He was still in shock that he had not been struck dead for his insolence yet, that the Supreme Leader was disappointed that he had not struck back harder.  He added quietly, “What must I do?” 

“Continue your training and meditations, they will prove useful.  Attend your duties as you always have, and as to my apprentice, if you continue to amuse him it should prove sufficient,” said Snoke, as if these were the simplest tasks in the world. 

Amuse him, Hux thought to himself bitterly.  He could feel the marks on his skin radiating a dull ache against his torn shirt and jacket.  He convinced himself that this was simply something he would have to adjust to.  Spies often had to do the same thing, nobody thought less of them for it.  They did what they had to do in order to complete their mission.  He did not want it, but if it was at the Supreme Leader’s recommendation, then… 

“Yes, Sir,” replied Hux, “May I…might I have some time to come to terms with this arrangement?  I’m not a spy.  I haven’t trained for this…” 

“Do what you must, but your orders have been given, General.  Would you disobey them?” questioned Snoke. 

Disobedience meant humiliation, punishment, death if the situation was grave enough.  It went against every instinct in Hux’s body to disobey an order.  He had been conditioned since birth to follow instructions, even ones that felt illogical, immoral or uncomfortable.  This was…this was making him question that.  For the first time since he was a child, Hux felt himself not only disliking an order, but feeling a horrifying reluctance to follow through with it.  He had been ordered.  This was wrong.  He had been ordered.  This was unfair.  He had been ordered.  He was scared.  These were his orders.

“I will obey them,” said Hux quietly. 

The Supreme Leader regarded him for a moment, “Your misgivings have not gone unnoticed, General.  These orders are difficult for you, I have sensed it.  But you understand their necessity, do you not?” 

He understood.  He understood far too well.  When Ren was contented their operations ran much more smoothly.  He became more reliable and much less destructive.  It was just sex, and he knew he was the odd man out in the fact that he did not want it but that was unusual, apparently.  If he could overcome his proclivities, or lack thereof, it would be for the benefit of the Order.  It was just a little discomfort for a greater good.  It might take some time, and perhaps it would never feel right, but if he was being ordered…

What struck him though was the Supreme Leader’s tone.  He never spoke that way before.  With understanding, almost gentleness.  Hux found he disliked it.  After he had been so forward and blunt, the sudden display of something that bordered on being caring was incredibly jarring.  Yet, after all that humiliation, Ren touching him, the Supreme Leader not only knowing about it but actively encouraging it, he wanted some small amount of kindness.  After all of it, he appreciated the gesture, even if it clashed with everything else that had been said and done. 

“I understand,” said Hux, resigned, but determined to see this through. 

“I sense him waiting for you.  He will be volatile.  If order is to be kept, I recommend you try not to upset him, for your own sake.  He has been ordered not to harm you, but he can be…unpredictable,” advised Snoke as the hologram began to fade.  It may have been his imagination, but Hux could have sworn as the pixels faded to nothingness he saw the smallest hint of a bemused grin.  It had to have been his imagination.  The Supreme Leader could not have been taking pleasure in this.  The situation had to be just as precarious for him as it was for Hux.  Or was it? 

Hux turned on his heels and walked out.  Now there truly was no running, no hiding.  No help would come for him.  No last minute saving grace from the stars.  The Supreme Leader had all but wrapped him in a bow and presented him to Ren as a gift.  A plaything.  This was the hand he had been dealt, but he would play it to the best of his ability.  He refused, absolutely refused to allow this to break him.  It made him angry, and he would use every ounce of rage and contempt to help him survive this.  He had come too far to be bested and broken by something like this.  He would bear it.  He had to.  His crew was counting on him to stay alive and well.  If he broke it would be a disaster for the First Order, for the Galaxy.  He was a General, not some silly little maid weeping on the eve of an arranged, loveless marriage.  He was better than this.  The Order was counting on him.  He would overcome it. 

As he had been warned, Ren was waiting for him on the other side of the blast doors.  If he knew about the security monitors he ignored them.  He seized Hux and pulled him against his chest, almost enough to crush him.  Ren was trembling, holding him close, “I can’t leave you here.” 

“We have our orders,” said Hux.  He remembered the Supreme Leader’s advice, ‘don’t upset him.’  Nonetheless he pressed a hand to Ren’s chest to try to put some distance between them. 

“I’m listening to them, all their thoughts.  It’s mostly a primitive attraction to power, but they want you, so many of them, if I leave they’ll try to take you from me,” panted Ren, sounding on the verge of a hysteric fit, “You’re mine, I won’t let them have you.” 

“They’re my crew, not the enemy.  I will be the one to manage them, so don’t you dare start hunting down anyone who-” said Hux.

Ren pressed him against the closed blast doors, hands clamped on either side of Hux’s head, “Your lieutenant, the navigator, still hasn’t learned his lesson.  He wants you to dominate him.  He’s not the only one of your crew who fantasizes about that.  Ten levels above our heads there’s a chemical engineer with a fetish for your hair colour, and I know there are at least three thousand more like him on this ship.  Then there’s the security chief.  She worries for your safety, wants to protect you from me.  Captain Phasma entertained the thought of your abilities being complimentary to her own…they’re all waiting for me to leave, then they think they’ll have their chance…” 

“You think I can’t handle them?” suggested Hux with a growl. 

Ren’s hand shot down and seized his wrist, “Come with me.” 

“I’m on duty,” said Hux firmly, “Wait until I’m finished.” 

“No.  You will come with me!” insisted Ren, pulling on his arm sharply. 

A wrist grab was an easy enough thing to counter.  Hux masterfully pulled his hand away from Ren and repeated, “I am on duty, as are you, so you will wait!” 

“No,” said Ren, “I’m going to do what I ought to have from the start.” 

Ren was on Hux in an instant, shoving a hand in his mouth before roughly slamming him against the blast doors.  Hux bit down instinctively, tasting leather, trying to bite through it straight to the bone.  He reached for Ren’s shoulders to throw him, but found himself pinned by the Force, no doubt fueled with Ren’s desire.  Ren hissed, feeling his hand being clamped down on and forced Hux’s face to the side, leaning down quickly.  Hux gasped as he felt the clasps on his collar pop and teeth on his neck. 

Howling, Hux discovered the hand in his mouth was not for leverage, it was a gag.  He tried to let go, to spit it out and call for the guards, but Ren kept it lodged between his teeth.  The knight’s mouth however was gnawing at his neck, biting down painfully hard, all too close to his pulsing jugular vein.  He had removed his mask just enough to free his mouth so it could rip and tear at the delicate skin.  Hux could feel his teeth puncturing skin and leaving marks from his jawline to the base of his throat, covering him.  There would be no mistaking that someone had marked him all over. 

Kylo pulled back, trembling, keeping his hand shoved in Hux’s mouth, “You’re mine.  They’ll see that, and it will keep you safe from them.  I had to do it.” 

His neck hurt.  Unlike his chest where Ren had taken his time, nipping and sucking just enough to create tiny experimental bruises, this felt like an animal had gripped his throat in its jaws before shaking him about.  Hux touched a hand to his throat and drew it away to look at it.  He let out a cry of indignation around the hand in his mouth.  The glove was speckled with blood from dozens upon dozens of scrapes and punctures.

“Shh…shh…Hux, don’t be scared,” whispered Ren, pushing his hand away and kissing his throat apologetically, “It’s to keep you safe.  They aren’t deep.” 

 _‘Get off of me!’_ Hux thought, loud enough that Ren would have to hear it but hopefully not loud enough to hurt and provoke, ‘ _Get off!’_  

Ren moved back, “I’m…I’ll take it out.  Don’t scream.  I didn’t want it to hurt you but...” 

Hux gasped and swallowed once his mouth was free.  He closed his collar quickly, knowing it was not enough to cover all of the brutal marks that encased his skin.  He smoothed down his hair and walked past Ren, “I have to be on the bridge.” 

“Hux, don’t leave like this,” pleaded Ren. 

“You need to ready yourself to leave.  When are you departing?” asked Hux, not bothering to turn back. 

“T-Tomorrow,” said Ren, moving behind Hux quickly, “Hux, General, please say you aren’t upset.  I had to do it.  They would have taken you from me.  Everyone I knew always went away and…I didn’t want you to be taken away.  I had to protect you.” 

“I’ll see you off tomorrow then,” said Hux coldly. 

“Wait!” said Ren, forcing him to a stop again.  He whispered from behind him, slowly and nervously, like their first encounter in this very hall, “I…I’m...  Please let me stay with you tonight.  I’ll make it up to you.  I’m sorry it hurt, but I had to.  It won’t happen again so…so please tell me I can stay…it’s our last night…I’m sorry, so you have to…” 

He recalled the Supreme Leader’s words.  Ren would be leaving for a long time.  If he left like this, angry and upset, he might find someone else, someone more compliant.  And if he left Ren like this now, furious and pining, who knew what he would do to the Finalizer in his jilted anger.  He whispered back, “You know which times the guards change their shift…” 

“I’ll be there…” said Ren.  He did not let Hux go, not yet.  Hux could feel the knight, pressed against his back, a hand apologetically stroking his neck, “I’m…I didn’t think your skin was so thin, you act like you’re made of durasteel…” 

“I need to leave,” repeated Hux, “Let go.” 

Ren placed a final, nervous kiss to the largest mark, a bite that would no doubt become a welt, just under Hux’s ear.  Hux let out an involuntary shiver at the sensation and Ren released him.  He heard soft whimpering, like the knight was holding back a sob, “I didn’t think it would hurt so badly…I just wanted to…I’ll do anything, just say you aren’t mad…” 

Hux gritted his teeth before conceding, “You can sleep beside me, but no more of your experiments.  I won’t be angry if you agree to that.” 

“I won’t,” Ren promised eagerly.  He touched Hux’s arm as he moved to walk away, “I…I love you.  Really.” 

Hux looked away as he started down the hall, “That’s…very flattering, Ren.” 

* * *

 

When he arrived on the bridge, Lieutenant Mitaka stared at him with wide eyes, “G-General?!  Your…your neck is…” 

Hux glared down at him and choked out, “I fell off a platform.” 

Nobody said a word.

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

"Supreme Leader, I think we're stuck in some sort of time-space anomaly.  I very clearly remember Ren dying, and you running into the _Helden's_ hangar and calling people fuckers, but nobody else seems to," said Hux sharply. 

"That is all well and good but I really must encourage you to engage with my apprentice," replied Snoke dismissively. 

"Supreme Leader.  I.  Hate.  Him," declared Hux, "Why do you want me to be with that monster so badly!?" 

"Because Your Snoke Theory Sucks," said Snoke, glaring out at the author, "All of them.  Rian Johnson said so.  Shame on you." 

Anorlost then went home and rethought her whole life. 


	17. T'is Not For the Parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooookay, so it's been a while, hasn't it? 
> 
> Here's a few things I should probably mention. I moved from Japan to Canada last month and the jetlag/reverse-culture shock/stress have been real. I also have three other ongoing fics and three wips to work on. I don't know why I did this to myself, but I did. Also my beta CountofEight has a really stressful work schedule. Before I left Japan we talked about the possibility of bringing in another beta until things calmed down for both of us. 
> 
> It took a while to find someone, especially given the content of this fic being really triggering and squicky, but Murasaki99 has volunteered to beta and I'm really grateful to her for that. She's also a really creative writer, so please check out her fics too if you get the chance.

Kylo whined and wrapped his arms tighter around Hux’s waist.  He had been like that for the past few hours, whimpering, crushing the wind from his lungs, pre-emptively pining over their inevitable separation.  Occasionally he would kiss the welts on Hux’s neck, submissively stroking his hair in a silent plea for forgiveness.  Even more occasionally he would try to strike up conversation, whispering softly into Hux’s ear, forcing shivers from his body. 

It was not something Hux wanted to forgive.  He knew he was no longer imagining the eyes of the crew on him, he could tell they had been staring at his neck.  The typical platform excuse staved off more questions, but he still heard whispers.  The most common of them was that Hux’s lover was stationed on the _Helden_ , so it was only natural that after his victory he would have had his own private celebration.  There were a few other rumours that Hux certainly did not seem to have any bruises when he got off the shuttle, so it may have been a fling with some random member of the crew while Hux was still riding his post-victory high.  He was a young man after all, it was to be expected.  Hux did nothing to dispel the claims or encourage them. 

“I don’t want to leave you angry…you know I had to do it, right?” whispered Kylo, rubbing Hux’s upper arm gently, “Hux, please talk to me…” 

“There are welts all over my neck,” whispered Hux, “Talking hurts.” 

“I’m sorry…” the knight whispered, “Th-they need to last for your own good but…I could get you a cooling pack.” 

Hux nodded his approval and Ren practically leapt off of the bed to go find Hux’s medkit.  The General shuddered slightly at the loss of Ren’s heat behind him and buried himself deeper into the pillow, closing his eyes.  He felt sore, he felt tired, and he felt defeated.  He had been counting on Ren losing interest, now he was being all but ordered to keep that interest alive. 

He reviewed the parameters of his situation.  Ren wanted him.  Hux was obligated to give him some small token of affection at least once every three days.  Hux was allowed to negotiate, but if he flat out refused, Ren would ignore him and do whatever he pleased.  Ren said he did not want to cause Hux pain, but clearly he would if he felt it was for the General’s own good.  Hux had managed to manipulate Ren into ceding the right to decide when their seemingly inevitable first time would be.  That was his sole consolation at the moment.  At least when it happened, if it happened, Hux would be able to prepare himself mentally. 

He had been so lost in his thoughts he jerked slightly when he felt a cooling pack being placed over his neck.  Ren leaned down and kissed his cheek, “Tired?” 

Hux nodded slightly.  He kept his head tilted so his throat was exposed to the icy pad pressed to his neck.  It relieved the ache a little.  A warm shower had done the same earlier, though Hux had hated walking past the mirror.  His chest was still peppered with bruises and his neck looked like it had been ravaged by a wild animal. 

“We…we’ve never been apart,” observed Ren, pressing down on the cooling pack gently, “I’m…I’m worried you might…with someone better looking…” 

Hux shot him a look from the corner of his eye.  He motioned to his head, hoping Ren got the message.  He held up a finger emphatically, it’s meaning clear:  Just this once.  Hux concentrated his thoughts, allowing Ren to read what was on the surface, _‘I don’t care about that.’_  

“But it might change…so many of them want you…you could have any of them,” said Ren, miserably.  He pressed against Hux insistently, “But you’re mine, right?  You only want me.  I know it hurts, but could you say it Hux?  Say I’m the one you want.” 

There was nowhere left to turn at this point.  With the Supreme Leader finding advantage in their arrangement, there would be no backing out.  This, so far, was the only way to make sure the knight stayed under control, with his devastating rage directed solely on the Resistance. 

Hux let out a pained sigh, “Not now…but…it’ll be you...perhaps it was always going to be…” 

The Force was a hard thing to understand.  It moved through living things, had dark and light alignments that made little sense to him, could move objects, penetrate thoughts, manipulate weak minds, and sometimes see the future.  Had Snoke foreseen this?  Had this been part of his plan from the moment he selected Hux as a General?  Hux was beginning to wonder if his choice and ambition were his own or part of some perverse predestination. 

Thoughts aside, Ren had settled against his back again, placing his stupid sorry kisses against Hux’s now frigid throat before replacing the pack.  He muttered nervously, “C-Can I look?  Can I see them?” 

Hux closes his eyes and sighs.  He was tired.  His neck hurt so badly.  He did not want to do this.  Ren removed the pack.  He held it away.  Hux could gather the situation clearly enough, Ren was going to withhold relief unless he complied.  Hux sighed, turning himself onto his back.  The knight reverently lifted his shirt, slowly, taking great pains not to cause any discomfort and let out a slight gasp as he surveyed his handiwork in the dim light. 

He started to trace patterns from one bruise to another and Hux’s breath hitched.  He screwed his eyes shut as Ren touched him, light as a feather.  He shivered again as he squirmed under the touch, unsure as to whether he was trying to escape it or not.  Ren made sure to touch all of the places that made him jerk and make those humiliating noises.  His hipbone, his ribs, just around his navel, Hux caught his hand as Ren went to trace his nipple.  He concentrated _, ‘No.  That’s enough.  I’m tired.  We agreed not to do that tonight.’_  

“Shh…I’ll stop after this, I promise,” assured Ren, easily muscling through Hux’s weak grip to trace his prize.  Hux cringed and let out an undignified whimper at the pleasant sensation and the pain in his throat.  Ren asked quietly, nervously, “They’re so sensitive…Do you…do you touch them?  When you’re alone?” 

 _‘No!_ ’ came Hux’s outraged reply, probably louder than he intended.

“Do you touch…any of the places I do?” 

_‘No.’_

“Do you touch…you know…at all?” inquired Ren, barely above a whisper. 

Hux coloured slightly and purged his mind of all his memories of waking up irritated with his body for not functioning the way he wanted it to.  Realizing he was flushing and still letting out weak, breathy noises while Ren was asking such shameless questions, Hux covered his face. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” said Ren, “I just want to know what you like…how to please you…”

Hux peaked through his fingers, _‘It’ll please me if you stop asking how I masturbate!’_

Ren coloured slightly and pulled his hand away.  He glanced at Hux, meeting his gaze for the first time in what felt like ages as he replaced the cooling pack.  He leaned in closer, stroking Hux’s hair, “If…If I were you, I’d touch myself whenever I got the chance.  I’d make sure I touched every inch.  Your skin is so soft, Hux. I…I know you don’t like me saying that, and I’m sorry I just did but, it feels really nice.” 

Hux closed his fingers and let out a quiet groan.  Was Ren trying to talk dirty to him?  Was that what this was?  Nobody had had the gall to do it to Hux before so he had no idea what constituted talking dirty.  Did the knight think it was romantic?  Did he think this would somehow make Hux change his mind about not wanting to be touched when he was aching and tired? 

“It’s so nice.  And smooth with no marks, no scars at all,” marvelled Ren. 

_‘I don’t want any.  I have them removed.’_

“I like it like this,” said Ren approvingly, “Silky and smooth…and I’m the only one who gets to touch it.  Right Hux?  While I’m gone, you won’t let anybody else touch you?” 

 _‘No…’_   Hux thought, and on deeper levels added, _‘If I had my way nobody would…’_  

“You’re mine…” said Ren quietly to himself.  Hux peeked through his fingers to see Ren’s hand ghosting over his chest and abdomen.  His hand hovered hesitantly over his hipbone, just above the waistband of his fatigue pants.  Hux froze. 

_‘Ren- Kylo, no!  You promised!  Do it and I’ll shout!’_

“I won’t,” sighed Kylo, “I told you I’d stop.  I just…I love looking at you.  You don’t have any, uh, pictures?  One where you’re not scowling.  I guess you wouldn’t have any of yourself but, while I’m away, I want one to look at.” 

_‘No, I don’t.’_

“You’re so smooth,” repeated Ren absentmindedly, drawing an arm over Hux before settling next to him.  Hux felt the duvet being drawn over them both as Ren whispered to him, “And warm…you fit just right in my arms…the darkness around you…I wish you could feel it Hux, it feels so good.  I don’t…I don’t want to leave you.  Can’t you come with me?” 

_‘I can’t.  I have to run this ship.’_

Ren whimpered against him and squeezed him tightly.  Hux sighed and softly called for the lights to shut themselves off.  In the dark Ren pressed against him.  He whispered again, “Promise I’m the only one.  That you’re mine…”

_‘Promise…’_

“Forever?” whispered Ren, kissing the welt on his neck. 

Hux pursed his lips, in deeper levels of his mind trying to think of a good answer.  Even now with the Supreme Leader making his position perfectly clear, Hux did not have the stomach to say it.  Kylo Ren’s plaything, to mark and use, forever.  If he did not say something soon though, it might cause an outburst. 

 _‘Don’t bite me again,’_ replied Hux, _‘And I’ll think about it.’_  

Ren buried his face in Hux’s short, red hair and sighed “I said I was sorry…no need to hold it over my head like that.” 

Hux sighed in turn.  Even if he wasn’t an insomniac, he knew there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with Ren tangled around him. 

* * *

Ren’s ship was ready to depart.  He was to go alone, with no personal guard or pilot.  Nobody had come to see him off.  Hux guessed they were either too indifferent, too frightened or too angry with him to bother turning up to say goodbye.  Not that he could blame them.  Even including skirmishes with the Resistance, the leading cause of damage or injury on the ship, in terms of statistics, was still Kylo Ren.  Hux himself would not have turned up if he had not felt obligated by the circumstances he had become caught up in. 

So Ren stood, in his robes and mask.  His ship had been fully serviced, ready for departure.  The hold was packed with supplies for the journey.  He brought no personal affects, just his weapon.  He stood, looking at Hux in the empty hanger.  Even without the force, Hux could feel him pining.  He deliberately stayed where he was, finding it was a blind spot where security monitors would not see him if Ren decided to become physical with him.   

“Come with me,” Ren begged quietly. 

“You know I can’t,” insisted Hux, wishing Ren would just get on with it.  He held his hand to his neck self-consciously, looking about one more time to make sure nobody was watching and double checking the camera positions. 

“Then… be careful.  I can still sense them,” said Ren. 

“I’m insulted,” said Hux, pain in his neck forcing him to be more blunt than usual.  The welts had swelled so much he could barely close his collar, “I’m stronger than that.” 

“I guess…I guess this is it then…” said Ren, moving forward slowly.  Hux stayed still and allowed Ren to wrap his arms around him, “Goodbye Hux…” 

Ren pressed Hux against him and the General sighed.  He felt too tired to resist.  He was still reeling from the events of the day before.  ‘ _Continue to amuse him_.’  Like he was a toy, a holovid, something to be used to sway a naughty child and then tucked away when it was no longer useful. 

It was just for a little while more.  Ren was leaving for a faraway system.  The distance was so great that just going there and back would take three weeks.  A minimum of three weeks without being pestered for touches and kisses.  Three weeks without the knight’s lustful gaze following him around the ship.  Three weeks without worrying about which thoughts he kept on the surface of his mind.  Three weeks without having to keep barriers around his mind.  Three weeks without worrying if Ren might suddenly snap and their mild trysts would escalate into something more horrible and violent.  Three weeks of peace, quiet, solitude, commanding his ship. 

If only Ren would let go of him and get on his damned vessel. 

“If someone does…Just…call out for me as loud and as hard as you can.  I’ll come back for you.  The Supreme Leader…he’ll understand,” muttered Kylo. 

Hux let out a snort.  As if the Supreme Leader would forgive such sentimentality.  As if Hux would be incapable of defending himself against some brute with no powers.  Kylo let out a keening noise that was distorted by his mask.  Was…was Kylo Ren sobbing? 

Hux tried to pull back, uncomfortable with the larger man’s chest heaving against him sporadically.  He had never in his life seen a grown man cry before.  Crying was for infants, babies who had not learned to control themselves.  More than that, Kylo was crying over him, their separation, the idea of him being hurt while Kylo was unable to protect him.  Hux had never witnessed that in another person before.  He knew it was just Ren being territorial, not wanting someone else touching what he had marked as his, but to become so overcome with emotion over losing a person or possession was unheard of. 

And Hux had no idea how to deal with it. 

“Stop that, you’re a grown man,” he ordered Kylo. 

The words had the opposite effect.  Kylo held him tighter and another high pitched sound escaped the filter of his mask.  Hux had never been this close to someone who was crying.  The last time had been at a funeral, and the person in question had been several yards away from him.  He had never had to personally deal with someone who was crying.  He was a General, a sniper, a strategist, he knew nothing about how to comfort or console someone.  He’d never had to.  He would have to figure it out soon though, the way Ren was holding him aggravated his bruises. 

“Kylo, you have to stop this,” scolded Hux, “You have a mission.” 

“Come with me…” he pleaded again. 

“Kylo…” sighed Hux, annoyed. 

He heard Kylo sniffle behind the mask, an odd sound to say the least.  Hux was not sure where he was looking when he stammered, “If anyone asks…I didn’t cry.” 

“I’ll tell them you blubbered a river,” said Hux dryly, “Like a baby.” 

Kylo stiffened slightly before he pulled Hux against him again.  The General sighed, “You need to leave…” 

“Just a little longer…” 

He had said the same thing when Hux had turned off the alarm that morning.  Kylo’s hand went to Hux’s mouth, tracing it with a gloved finger before stroking his cheek.  Even with the mask on Hux could tell he was looking for an excuse to stall.  Kylo continued trying to give him instructions, “I’ll…I’ll send you messages every day.  You should send some back, when you aren’t working.  And a picture…if you can find one.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” said Hux awkwardly. 

“I guess…Goodbye Hux,” said Kylo after a long pause. 

“Goodbye Kylo,” said Hux. 

‘ _Continue to amuse him_ ,’ said Snoke’s voice, still ringing in his memories. 

Hux reached up.  It caught Kylo off guard, but not so much so that he would release his grip on Hux’s hips.  Hux put his hands on the side of Ren’s mask.  He had seen the knight take it off so often that he was sure he knew exactly how to do it.  With a hiss it popped open, ready to be pulled off.  Hux lifted it, just enough for Kylo’s mouth to be visible. 

Hux looked up and ignored the fluttering nerves in his stomach.  He ignored the cold numbness of his hands, barely able to hold the mask up.  He ignored the fact that he could no longer feel his legs.  He looked at Ren’s mouth, let out a few uneasy breaths.  He could do this.  It was not so difficult a thing.  Just another duty he had to attend to, like maintaining an engine or debugging a console…

He pressed his lips to Kylo’s and the universe stopped. 

Hux had never kissed anyone before, not like this.  He had no idea what he was doing, or what he was supposed to do.  He felt Ren hum against his lips, sending vibrations through them, and shivered when the knight’s hands rubbed his sides encouragingly.  Clearly he was doing something right then.  He continued to press his mouth to Kylo’s, softly, barely connecting at all.  Kylo pressed back, trying to guide him into something deeper, slipping his lower lip between Hux’s lips insistently. 

He took it in his mouth, not sure what he was supposed to do with it now that it was there.  Ren was not pulling back.  What did he want?  Hux recalled what Ren would do to him and sucked his lip softly, swiping his tongue over it before releasing the knight. 

Hux lowered the helmet, glad he could not look Ren in the face.  He shoved Kylo’s hands off of his sides and turned sharply. 

“Goodbye Kylo,” he repeated, wiping his mouth. 

“Hux?” called Ren, sounding dazed and confused. 

Hux reached the doors and stepped through them quickly, slamming his hand down on the sensor to close them.  He closed his eyes tightly as he heard Ren call out more loudly, “Hux!” 

The doors snapped closed and Hux traced a finger over his lips. 

_What had he done?_

* * *

 

“So, you fell from a platform?” 

Captain Phasma looked across the meeting room table at Hux.  Hux knew she was being facetious.  Anyone with eyes could see the marks and broken skin that outlined where human teeth had been.  Hux scrolled through the minutes of the meeting.  With Ren gone they had become much less eventful.  It was much easier to discuss damage costs with the source of destruction out of the room. 

“Indeed,” Hux mumbled flippantly. 

“Sir, I need to ask, as a friend, were you attacked?” asked Phasma. 

Hux cocked his brow.  Friend?  He supposed they were friends, after a fashion, though this was the first time either of them had said it out loud. 

Phasma continued, “I might recommend you keep your sidearm on your person.” 

“I never keep it with me.  You know why I don’t, Captain,” replied Hux.  He recalled Phasma scoffing at his lack of armaments when she was first assigned to him.  She understood his reasoning, but still thought it was a foolish decision to make.  Hux suspected if Phasma’s blaster was taken from her she would feel half dressed.  He never saw her without the damned thing. 

“General, have you sought medical attention?” asked Phasma.  She added as a quiet afterthought, “It looks painful.” 

It _was_ painful.  Hux had planned on going to the medical bay, but a sudden problem with their shield generator had required his immediate attention.  He sighed, “I’ll go when an opportunity presents itself.” 

“Consider it presented, sir,” said Phasma forcefully, getting to her feet with a clatter of armour, “I can’t have the General dropping dead because of a gangrenous wound.  We’ve run the ship without you before, but I promise, none of us enjoyed it.” 

“Right, the concussion,” muttered Hux, getting to his feet, “How did you fare anyhow?” 

“Lieutenant Mitaka had several anxiety attacks, the team cleaning up the chemicals nearly had multiple casualties due to miscommunications, nearly every department slacked off in your absence, Lord Kylo Ren harassed no less than ten archivists asking after protocol manuals…” reported Phasma, “It was chaos and we hated it, sir.” 

“Goodness gracious,” said Hux softly as Phasma accompanied him out of the room and down the hall. 

Phasma looked down at him, “Sir, who bit you?” 

“Nobody, I fell off a platform,” lied Hux. 

“Was it a fight?” 

“I told you Captain, I tripped and fell.” 

“Into a Rancor’s jaws?” asked Phasma sarcastically, “General, I’ve seen active combat.  I know defensive marks when I see them.  The angle, the scraping, those are signs of a struggle.  If you had wanted those marks the punctures would be cleaner.  Who bit you?” 

“Nobody,” said Hux stoically, “I fell off-”

“A platform,” finished Phasma with a slightly exasperated groan, “Perhaps if I alerted Sub-Lieutenant Flax she might see to having this particularly treacherous platform quarantined.” 

“She’s been made aware of it,” said Hux, his tone slightly quieter than before. 

Phasma nearly faltered.  She pressed for information, formulating her question carefully, “And how long exactly has she known about this hazardous area?” 

“A few days,” replied Hux, regaining what little composure he had lost, “Perhaps longer.  She was reviewing security footage and saw me trip.” 

Phasma seemed to be putting the pieces together.  Flax knew about the issue, yet it not only persisted, it had escalated.  That meant it was a problem she either did not have the authority to take care of, which was nearly impossible if a General gave her the order to make an arrest.  There was only one person on the ship that General Hux did not have the authority to seize, court-martial and punish.

“Sir…” said Phasma so shocked and full of pity that it made Hux’s stomach turn.  She faltered before thankfully continuing in her usual tone, “They don’t happen often, do they?  The accidents.” 

Hux lowered his voice and put a hand to his face, pretending to scratch his nose.  Anyone who watched through security monitors should not be able to read his lips like this, “When he’s...”  He couldn’t bring himself to finish.  He moved his hand out of the way and continued at his usual tone and pitch, “When I’m having an off day and I lose my footing.  Same as everyone else I suppose.” 

Phasma lowered her voice, “But why biting General?  With his mask it seems…”  She trailed off.  She had probably answered her own question. 

“I hope you’ll keep this between us, Captain, I can’t have anyone thinking I’m clumsy and incapable,” said Hux insistently. 

He heard an occasional gasp from Phasma, probably as she made the connections that Hux had allowed her to make.  The biting, the fact that it was Ren, the fact that Flax had known, the fact that it had been happening for a long time.  Perhaps she had also connected the timing of the bites with Ren’s departure, but that might have been giving her too much credit.  Phasma was a good, capable soldier, but she was no detective. 

Phasma whispered at him sharply, “Sir, stop here for a moment.” 

Hux paused, noting that they had stopped in a blind spot.  Phasma rounded on him, her voice quiet and furious, “Tell me the truth General.  I’m head of the First Order’s Stormtroopers.  While every ship has its own security detail, we share some of their responsibility.  I’ve a right to know if there has been an altercation.” 

Hux pressed his fingers to his palms.  He had laid the groundwork for this.  He could tell Phasma.  She was trustworthy, she could keep a secret.  Yet, to what end would it serve?  Once she knew there would be nothing she could do about it.  Hux was so deeply involved in this he knew there was no extracting himself from it.  All telling Phasma would serve to do was possibly alleviate some of the mental stress of keeping this secret to himself, transferring some of his helplessness and frustration to the Captain. 

“Do you understand what will happen if word gets out about this?” asked Hux quietly, “That I stood my ground against him, was defeated and…” 

Hux could not bring himself to finish the sentence.  The situation had become so drawn out and complicated there was no longer a single word to describe it.  He quickly added, “Do not involve yourself or your troops in this Captain.  It would be an exercise in futility.  If there was a way to stop this I would have done it already.” 

Phasma continued, and as she did Hux could have sworn he heard the affront in her tone, “And when, if ever, was I to be made aware of this, General?” 

“Never…” said Hux trailing off.  Now that he had started talking about it he found it very hard to stop giving her details.  It had been months, keeping this all to himself, not telling a soul.  It felt foolishly liberating.  He double-checked the position of the monitors and whispered warningly, “You remember some weeks ago when several officers and crew checked themselves into medical over the course of five days?  That was him.  That’s what he does when he feels I’m out of line or someone else is getting too close.  How do you think it would look to that psychopath if you waltzed up to him and asked him to stop chewing on my throat?  He already sees you as a threat, Captain, and I can’t have him attacking our head Stormtrooper.  The Order needs you both and I can’t have you incapacitated or you incapacitating him.  I hate saying it, but to keep order it’s best to let him have what he wants.” 

Hux could not read Phasma’s expression behind her helmet.  She did not make any noise.  If she was anything like him she was probably trying to come to grips with all of the information she had suddenly fallen into.  She pressed quietly, “Is that why, apart from this,” she said, nodding her head towards the welts and cuts, “He’s been…calmer?” 

Hux sighed and wiped his eyes tiredly, “Yes, that’s why.  But he’s gone for a minimum of three weeks, so let’s not talk about him anymore.  I plan on enjoying this while it lasts.” 

Phasma gave a nod.  Hux continued to walk.  She trailed behind him, the clatter of her armour and heavy fall of her boots the only sounds she made.  Hux hoped Ren would not hold it against either of them that he had spoken to Phasma.  It had felt…good.  Liberating.  He was glad to have a confidant, someone who might commiserate with him in his ordeal.  He found himself wanting to say more.  He wanted to tell her about that first time, when Ren had held him in place and started touching him, about the second when Ren forced him to relive the assault, how they had come to their bargain, all the little details and discoveries he had made about the inner workings of Ren’s mind.  He wanted to let it all out. 

“Sir, medical is this way,” said Phasma. 

Hux turned around and saw her pointing with her blaster down a corridor.  Hux looked at the signs.  He had been so lost in thought he had not noticed, “So it is.” 

“How much have you slept in the last few days, General?” asked Phasma. 

His last full night’s sleep had been the first time Ren had shared his bed.  Hux gave an indifferent shrug, “I sleep enough.” 

Phasma let out an audible sigh and jerked her head towards the corridor, “Go have your neck looked at.  I never want to deal with you out of commission again.” 

Hux snorted, “Careful Captain, that’s close to insubordination.” 

“I might direct part of that comment back at you,” said Phasma as he passed.  She added quietly, “I trust your judgement, but be careful.” 

“I’m always careful,” protested Hux, over his shoulder. 

“Obviously not, given the nasty fall you took from that platform,” said Phasma. 

Hux sighed as she walked off.  Phasma always had to have the last word… 

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

Anorlost looked up from her monitor at the readers.  She gave an apologetic look before pointing at the notes, "Sorry guys, I'm swamped...I just don't think I can make one for this chapter." 

"Ha, pathetic." 

General Hux strode in and glared down at the author, who enjoyed likening herself to a chubby gremlin.  He arched his brow, "You made a promise, a commitment, and now you're shirking your duty.  I have nothing but contempt for your ilk." 

"I can't help it!  I have my hands full with hive-minds, selkies, high school drama and gay vampires.  Gay vampires!" exclaimed Anorlost. 

"That's no excuse.  See to it that this is the final time you neglect the bonus stupidity and your faithful readers!" scolded Hux. 

Anorlost pouted up at him, "You know, I forgot what a massive dick you are in the canon universe..." 

Hux turned on his heels and growled, "Yes, there's an awful lot of that going on in this 'archive' isn't there? 


	18. I'll let you come for some (knock knock knock)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING!!! This next chapter contains noncon of a fairly explicit nature. One character demands sex from another, but the other dissuades them, offering a handjob instead. Noncon because despite giving verbal consent and suggesting the alternative, the character in question isn't allowed to choose walking away from the situation. 
> 
> Big thanks to Murasaki99 for beta reading. She's a really creative author in her own right so please check out her work.

Hux received regular correspondence from Ren.  Mostly lovesick drivel about how badly he missed his touch, his scent.  Hux had let out an audible grunt of disgust when he read the first message, practically hearing Ren’s voice blubbering, ‘It’s only been a few hours but I already can’t stand being without you.’  How insufferably weak of him.  It was hard to believe the same man had stormed the New Republic’s flagship and massacred everyone who stood in his way.  Hux had half a mind to send copies of Ren’s love-letters to General Nohr to show him just what sort of man he had allowed himself to be defeated by. 

The absolute worst part had to be Ren’s poetry.  It had started with his third message, in which Ren’s vocabulary had inexplicably become more flowery.  In the next letter, Hux found there was a wretched little poem attached to the end of it.  _The sun is hot, the sky is clear, I wish you could be, beside me here._ Hux had written that he was glad to receive it, and had to take hours of mental preparation before he could bring himself to add, ‘it was almost tolerable.’  He also added that he did not require any more, but that did not stop Ren from writing them.  It was full of the worst schmaltz outside of a pre-teen linguistics class.  He wrote about Hux being an angel, how he was haunted by the memory of the kiss he never should have given and how it might become a scar, how he was in agony, and probably the worst, how Hux’s skin was nothing like sand, going into incredibly graphic descriptions of how soft it was and all the ways he liked to touch it.

Hux was incredibly tempted to smash his datapad against the wall by the end of it.  It was all he could do not to write a string of curses followed by, ‘never contact me again.’  He kept his comments free of most of his usual salt.  For the most part.  Every so often he could not resist a jab, especially after that awful sand poem. 

Then he received the message he had been dreading.  Ren had accomplished his mission.  He would be back in a week and a half. 

It had been nice while it lasted, Hux thought to himself.  As for his own mission he was not sure if he could say he had made much progress.  A few long-abandoned Resistance hideouts or bases had been discovered.  Nearby residents had been questioned.  With Hosnian negotiations still going on he was not allowed to interrogate possible witnesses as thoroughly as he would have liked.  They might have to backtrack if and when they received the right to bring witnesses in for questioning as they would have in a system controlled by the First Order. 

Every new base lead to a new set of breadcrumbs to follow.  Nothing as useful as a map showing all Resistance activity in the area, but something small, that might have been easily overlooked, providing the smallest of hints regarding other bases.  Mementos, scraps from rations, graffiti scribbled in moments of boredom, little things that gave anyone trained in deduction a reasonable idea about where to begin the next search. 

What interested Hux was that all of these places seemed to have been abandoned for a long time, a few months at least, all looking as if everyone had left in great haste.  They must have all fled either upon hearing rumors that the First Order would pursue them into Hosnian territory, or after, or upon hearing about General Nohr’s surrender.  The former interested Hux much more than the latter.  As far as the New Republic seemed to have been concerned, the First Order was the remnants of a shattered Empire, headed by entitled children playing war games.  In other words, the First Order had been drastically underestimated.  So why had some of the bases been abandoned before the battle?  It was as if someone had predicted the outcome and sent warning.  But if the New Republic was such an important ally, why had the Resistance made a retreat instead of joining the fray…

…unless they were regrouping. 

As soon as Hux had an inkling of a suspicion he had sent word to Tarkin and Sirus, still on Hosnia Prime hammering out the terms and conditions of the First Order’s access to the system.  If he was leading the Resistance, the first thing he would do was regroup his forces and prepare surprise guerrilla attacks, like the one in the asteroid field, where he would have the most advantage with smaller, more manoeuvrable craft.  Secondly, he would send an assassin after the two most prolific enemies in the area, who also happened to be surrounded by allied forces.  It was more underhanded and cruel than the Resistance tended to be, but it was still a possibility. 

In addition to finding more bases, Hux had instructed his crew to keep an eye out for suspicious activities, possible enemies who might have slipped on a uniform or suit of armour to blend in and spy on them during the battle.  Nothing had been found in a little over a month, but it was still a possibility.  Hux also stipulated that radar operators and technicians especially be on the lookout for signs of enemy ships.  If they had been rallying for an attack of their own, Hux wanted to know about it sooner rather than later. 

As for more personal matters, he had been much more content.  After visiting the medical bay, and taking some pains to convince them he had not nearly been devoured by one of the creatures in the trash compactor, the welts and cuts had gone away.  The bruises lingered a little longer, but after five or six days and plenty of bacta treatments, his skin was back to being as pale and blemish-free as it had always been.  His sleep cycle improved slightly, the odd nightmare aside, and not having to constantly keep his guard up made him feel more active and refreshed. 

More importantly, nobody had said anything.  Phasma had not continued to press him for details, but Hux immediately noticed that she had made herself much more available to him.  He almost always saw her in the training rooms during his usual timeslot there, even though she had never been there before.  From time to time she made subtle corrections to his form, particularly where self defense was concerned, and suggested a few alterations to his regimen, with things that might help in the impossible task of building muscle on his lanky body.  He also spotted her in the officer’s lounge.  On one hand, Hux was slightly flattered by the concern Phasma showed him, but on the other hand she had revealed to him a vulnerability that he had never considered.  He had a clockwork schedule when he was off duty, and it would make him incredibly easy to ambush and attack.  He would have to put a stop to that as soon as possible. 

Phasma looked over at him and lazily stirred a glass of whisky and ice, “You always drink blue milk.” 

Hux glanced down at the beverage and shrugged, “I don’t like being impared.  If something goes wrong I want to be at full capacity to do whatever might be asked of me.” 

“But you got drunk on the Helden,” observed Phasma, “Which is understandable given the blow you struck to the Republic.  Must have been some victory party.” 

Hux pursed his lips and clenched the glass.  Phasma took note immediately.  He had not meant to signal her in any way but she picked up on his discomfort, “Sir…did he…?” 

“I have this…deal with him…if he cooperates I do favors and…” Hux took a sip to calm his nerves, “It was just business.  I don’t like it but…”  He looked over at Phasma, ashamed, but he felt he needed to tell someone, “I think he drugged me.  With pyx root.” 

Phasma’s eyes widened at the word.  Hux was not sure if the Stormtrooper trainees had the same problem where girls especially were encouraged to watch drinks and stay in groups when on leave in case someone slipped a little of the drug into their drinks.  There were always warnings and buletins, especially after any form of break or reprieve. 

She looked at him worriedly, “Are you certain?” 

“I can’t really recall.  I remember handing Tarkin a box and then I woke up in bed with Ren,” said Hux.  He sighed, “He said he didn’t do anything but I have no idea how they slipped the drugs in my drink.  I don’t remember if I drank something they didn’t.  I usually remember everything but most of that night is a haze…” 

“Sir…that sounds like pyx root,” said Phasma, “Is there anything you can do to end this?” 

“I’ve been trying to think…I can’t use my rank, for whatever Force-centric reason the Supreme Leader won’t discourage Ren’s actions.  He’s stronger than I am, he can take whatever he wants and I can’t think of a single thing that I can do about it,” said Hux, growling in frustration towards the end, “I can minimize the damage but I can’t stop it.” 

“Every man and woman under your command is ready and willing to protect you,” Phasma reminded him. 

Hux smiled slightly at that.  It was a comfort to hear it, but it was impossible.  They needed Ren.  As much as Hux would have loved to order the full force of the First Order upon him, they needed the knight and his strength and the approval of his master.  Besides, even if Ren was subdued, how many lives would it cost?  Lives that he, as a General, was responsible for.  Casualties would always happen in war, but Hux couldn’t justify losing valuable lives over something as trite and inconsequential as Ren’s unwanted infatuation. 

“That isn’t the cause they enlisted to fight and die for,” said Hux, “As much as I appreciate it, I’d rather have them fight to bring glory to the Order, not sweep in to rescue me like some helpless damsel.” 

“Then what will you do, sir?” asked Phasma, “I’ll support your decision as I’ve always done, though I might not agree with you.” 

“You rarely do agree with me, do you?” observed Hux.  More than Ren, he and Phasma were frequently at odds over training and various operations, but they were always civil and respectful.  Sometimes it was enough to make him forget how often their views conflicted.  Hux stayed firm though, “I’ll figure something out, and I’ll try not to involve the crew.” 

“I would say ‘very good,’ sir, but this doesn’t sit right with me…” muttered Phasma. 

Flax continued to mind her own business, and eventually the rumours of a mysterious lover died down.  All just in time for Kylo fucking Ren to return, Hux thought to himself.  He really had enjoyed his reprieve while it had lasted. 

He waited in the hanger for Ren to return.  Unlike last time there were some mechanics waiting to service the ship when it returned.  Hux stood where he had been before, out of the view of cameras, just in case, as he waited for Ren to land his ship.  Ren did so, clumsily, hastily, the gangplank deploying within milliseconds of the landing gear touching the hanger floor.  Hux braced himself, watching the mechanics and wondering if he ought to have dismissed them.  No, that would have been too suspicious. 

Ren descended.  Hux noticed a small pouch hanging from his belt that had not been there before.  Ren strode towards him at such a quick pace that Hux needed to prevent himself from taking a step back.  His tall, broad body shielding Hux from anyone who might be watching, Ren seized him by the upper arm and continued marching towards the door.  Hux pulled his arm away indignantly, “I don’t care how long you’ve been away, don’t touch me.” 

Ren growled at him and took his arm again, “I can’t wait.  Move.  In here.” 

Before Hux knew what was happening he was dragged out of the blast doors, into the hallway, and thrust into a closet.  Immediately the smell of cleaning chemicals and machine oils was overwhelming.  While he was disoriented, his eyes trying to adjust to the pitch darkness he heard Ren’s helmet come off and a pair of gloved hands pin his wrists beside his head.  Ren likely meant to kiss his lips, but caught his ear in the confusing darkness instead.  Deciding to improvise with this he whispered urgently, “Straps?  Are you wearing them?” 

“Of course I’m wearing them!” snapped Hux, planting his boot firmly into Ren’s gut and shoving him hard enough that he fell back against the wall of the closet. 

Ren was undeterred and charged him again, growling, “I don’t have time for those.  I told you not to wear them when I came back!”

“They’re part of my uniform.  I’m on duty so I’m wearing them,” Hux growled back, wrenching Ren’s face away and planting a fist against Ren’s armoured side.  Bad idea.  His knuckles were going to bruise for certain.  He reached for the door and was caught again.  Hux shouted, “Ren, you will let me out of this damned closet this instant!” 

Then Hux found himself slammed into the wall.  He felt pressure on his wrists and ankles.  He snarled, “Kylo, don’t you dare…” 

“We’ve been apart for one month, two weeks and three days, I think that warrants bending the rules, _General_ ,” said Ren, spitting Hux’s title as if it were the dirtiest word in the universal language, “Do you know why there are so many damned supply closets on these ships?” 

“For supplies?” suggested Hux furiously, trying to pull his arms free from their invisible bonds.  He knew what they had been used for in the Academy, but surely his crew had grown out of that by now… 

“No,” growled Ren, his voice teetering on the edge of becoming a purr.  He slammed his body against Hux’s, grinding against him, “For illicit _fucking_!” 

Hux froze.  Ren did not say fucking.  Kylo Ren always used a vague euphemism and stammered like a thirteen year old boy.  He had never flat out used words like ‘sex’ or ‘fuck.’ 

The same thought seemed to have crossed Ren’s mind.  Hux was confident, if the lights were on, he would have seen a look of realization on the other man’s face, like a set of floodgates had opened.  Ren paused for a moment before repeating more ferociously, “They’re for _fucking_ , Hux.  And I’m going to fuck you senseless.” 

Hux felt a feeling of panic rise in his stomach.  No.  Not now.  Not like this.  Not without his permission.  Not in a damned closet.  He barked back at Ren, “Absolutely not!  You will get off me, give me your report, then if you’re lucky I’ll allow you to discuss-”

His arms were pulled up over his head, so high he was forced to stand with his back flush against the wall.  It was so forceful that Hux was cut off mid-sentence and struggled to get his wind back.  The clasps on his tunic were pulled apart and stripped away unceremoniously while Ren unfastened the belt with his hands.  Hux cried out as Ren pulled at his jodhpurs, “Stop it!  I didn’t say you could do that!  Sto-!” 

A hand shot up between Hux’s teeth, muffling his protests.  Ren growled out, “I’ve spent so much time thinking about this…I’m not letting you get away from me this time Hux.”  He was panting, livid, almost feral, “Missed you so much…your smell…your skin…I’m going to fuck you…make you come for me again…” 

Hux had anticipated Ren being desperate for attention upon his return.  He had not, on the other hand, anticipated that Ren would have devoted a decent amount of time to plotting what he would do, how he would do it, and a location that he could use.  To top it all off, Hux had not expected Ren to shove him in a closet, pin him down and start rutting against his leg.  Hux squirmed, that was all he could do with his arms and legs restrained.  Ren had probably planned that out as well. 

Once his jodhpurs were around his knees, Ren grabbed Hux’s shirt by the front and wrenched it upward.  Hux snarled around the hand in his mouth as the shirt was pulled from the clips of his straps, which snapped back painfully against his thighs.  Feeling the lingering sting he knew at least one of the metal clips had cut into his leg on its way down.  Ren either ignored it or did not care, kissing and biting at Hux’s collar bone as, from the sounds of it, he fumbled to get his own clothes off. 

All the while Hux was shouting with his thoughts, desperate to make Ren stop.  It was having no effect and Hux was trying to figure out why.  Had Ren discovered a technique or object that could block him?  Or had…had he stopped reading his thoughts altogether?  Hux was not Force-sensitive.  He could not project his thoughts into Ren’s mind, he could only try to filter which ones the knight had access to.  If Ren was not probing his mind at all, there was nothing Hux could do.  It would be like screaming at a deaf person.  The one time he would not have minded Kylo Ren having a peek at his mind and the man had closed himself off. 

There had to be something Ren had not accounted for.  There had to be some opening Hux could exploit.  But being suspended like this, half-naked, Ren grinding against him, hands roaming wherever they pleased, there seemed to be nothing.  He kept gnawing on Ren’s gloved hand.  Perhaps if he could break a bone or two the knight might be stunned into releasing him. 

Suddenly Ren paused.  Hux continued to pant in exhaustion and growl his displeasure.  He heard a smile in Ren’s voice as he whispered, “Shh…do you hear that?” 

Ren kissed his cheek as Hux listened and stiffened.  He heard footsteps.  Heavy ones.  Two sets, definitely.  Stormtroopers by the sounds of them.  He could feel Ren smile against his skin, now at the base of his neck, “If you don’t want them finding us, you’ll have to stay very still and quiet…” 

That was when Ren palmed him through his underwear. 

Hux let out an uncharacteristic shriek and tried to jerk away.  It felt…he had never felt anything like that before.  Someone else’s hand, a very much unwanted hand, gently rubbing one of the most sensitive parts of his anatomy.  He hated it.  It was humiliating.  He moaned loudly and could not comprehend why.  Ren sounded on the verge of laughing as he continued to whisper, “Shh…shh…you need to be quiet.  Hold still or they might find us.  Shh…” 

Ren removed his hand from Hux and replaced it with his hips, grinding against Hux again roughly. He moved his hand to Hux’s backside and forced him to reciprocate.  All the while Ren shushed him patronizingly between groans of pleasure.  If Ren’s other hand had not been in his mouth Hux would have broken down begging for it all to stop.  He did not want to be touched like this.  He did not want to be found out.  He heard the footsteps growing closer and Ren becoming harder as he rutted against him.  Between both of those nightmarish sensations Hux felt himself being thrown into a full on panic. 

Ren let go of his hips and slipped his fingertips under the band on his underwear.  Hux screamed for the first time in twenty seven years.  An armoured hand knocked on the door. 

Ren stopped and Hux stilled, panting and trying not to lose his mind quantifying the sensations shooting through his body and wondering what he would do if he was discovered.  He would need to silence whoever it was, probably kill them to make sure they stayed silent.  Hux did not want to be seen like this.  He had worked hard to maintain his indomitable appearance and now it had literally been stripped away from him. 

There was a knock again, Hux noted that it was rhythmic.  Tone, tone, semi-tone, semi-tone, tone.  One of Ren’s hands pulled away and knocked twice, deliberately, finishing the pattern.  Hux felt Ren’s tongue on his clavicle and could not help crying out in surprise, disgust and unwanted pleasure.  He heard low laughter outside and a soft whistle before the footsteps resumed. 

“Told you,” whispered Ren, panting into Hux’s ear, “They’re for fucking.” 

Hux would later wonder how his crew had developed a secret code for inquiring if someone was using supply closets for something other than their intended purpose right under his nose.  Later he would issue a reminder that supply closets, despite Ren’s insistence, were not for secret rendezvous.  For now though he had to find a way to get Ren’s attention.  Focusing his thoughts was not working, biting was not working, shouting and screaming was not working.  How could he get Ren’s attention?  And once he had it, how could he make the lust-crazed maniac stop his assault? 

Hux had an idea.  He hated the idea, but if he wanted to get out of the closet with his mind and last shred of dignity intact, this was probably the only way he could do it. 

He let his body go slack, forcing himself to relax.  He still instinctively squirmed and jerked at Ren’s touch, occasionally gasping and whimpering when his hands dipped too low for Hux’s comfort.  Pushing Ren’s hand with his tongue he unclamped the hand from his jaws, trying to gingerly push it from between his teeth. 

Ren paused, confused by Hux’s sudden disinterest with struggling.  The General was coming to the slow, creeping realization that Ren must have deluded himself into thinking his fighting had been an act the whole time.  He slowly pulled the glove from Hux’s mouth, leaving trails of saliva down Hux’s chin.  Both men panted, Hux from exhaustion and nerves and Ren from arousal. 

“Don’t…don’t you ever do that to me again,” said Hux in a low, dark tone.

“I was only teasing.  I wouldn’t have let them see you,” panted Ren dismissively, kissing Hux’s cheek again.  He pulled back as Hux shook him off, snapping his teeth at him. 

“I mean it!” snarled Hux, “Never!  You will never put me through that again!” 

“Alright, alright,” said Ren urgently.  Hux felt the knight’s hands on his hips as Ren pulled their bodies together again, “Just…can we talk about that later?  I’m…I’m really…I need to…” 

At least his sudden boldness had passed.  In the meantime the knight’s breath was coming out in ragged, moaning gasps as he pressed himself against Hux desperately.  He pleaded softly, “Please…it’s been so long and I’m…please…?” 

“That’s for me to decide, remember?” said Hux sharply, turning away from Ren’s heated breath, “I don’t want that.  Not yet.  Especially not after…that.” 

“Please,” repeated Ren more insistently, “I haven’t touched you in over a month-”

“I know,” said Hux, trying his best to keep himself from snarling.  It was clear that Ren was not going to let him go without some form of release.  If he did not give it, Ren would take it.  Hux said more quietly, “Let me go and I’ll…I’ll take care of it for you.” 

Hux felt the Force restraints at his wrists and ankles falter for a moment.  Ren’s hands slid up over Hux’s chest, eliciting a hiss from the slighter man.  Hux could only hope that Ren would accept it.  He did not want to be fucked, and he especially did not want to be fucked by Kylo Ren in a supply closet.  Ren’s hips stilled slightly as whispered, “Have you ever done it before?” 

“No…” admitted Hux, not in any sort of humor to correct Ren’s euphemism. 

“But you want to?” asked Ren, the excitement in his voice seeping through his cautious whisper, “You want to touch me?” 

Hux paused, screwing his courage before replying, “Yes, but let me keep my gloves on, and promise never to…to do that to me again…”

“The teasing or the-”

“All of it!” snapped Hux. 

The knight paused before replying, “Alright, I promise.  Come here, let me show you how…”

Ren dropped him and Hux’s arms fell to his sides.  He fought the urge to cover himself as Ren reached out, groping for his hand in the dark.  Finding his wrist, Hux felt himself being guided towards Ren, his hand being pressed flat against the knight’s stomach.  It felt bare, warm and solid under his gloves.  Hux heard more fasteners being undone before Ren pulled on his wrist.  The knight’s voice was ragged again, “Okay…slide your hand down…” 

Hux pursed his lips and screwed his eyes shut.  He never had a problem with disections in science classes or handling a fresh corpse into a less conspicuous position, but this was disgusting.  Handling another man’s…

He could feel it through his gloves as his hand slid downwards towards its goal, hearing the sickening crunch of his glove sliding through a mess of pubic hair.  He flinched when he felt the damned _thing_ moving and pulsing.  Ren moaned and held his hand in place.  It just added to how disgusting this whole situation was.  Ren was so wretchedly desperate and eager, with absolutely no control over his body and urges.  He was no better than an animal.  Some non-sentient being that lived for eating and reproducing.  He pressed Hux’s fist against him, whining in desperation.  Pathetic. 

But if Ren was pathetic…what did that make…? 

 _No, don’t think about it_ , Hux commanded himself.  He would grant himself the luxury of introspection when this had passed. 

“T-Take it in your hand…” said Ren, his words were that of a command but his voice carried the desperation of a begger, “Open your fingers…” 

Hux momentarily debated doing the worst he possibly could, thinking that if he performed poorly, Ren would lose interest.  The more likely result though would be Ren losing his temper in his desperation and doing something Hux would regret immensely.  It would be best, for now, to follow orders, do this as quickly, dispassionately and efficiently as he could so the damned knight would let him go.  Hux could feel his clothes hanging off of him, bunched and shoved aside awkwardly.  He guessed he would need to finish with Ren before he would be allowed to rearrange them more comfortably. 

He opened his hand and closed it around the waiting organ.  It was hot under his glove and Hux resisted a cry of disgust.  Thankfully he could not feel the texture, but it was simultaneously hard and plush.  Then there was the pulsing on top of all that.  It was like the damned thing had a mind of its own.  It probably did, with the way Ren let it do its thinking for him.  Hux tried to think of this more clinically.  He thought back to health classes, recalling all of the proper names for all of the parts he was touching.  It would be like labeling a diagram, and when his assignment was finished, he would be allowed to leave…

It was much easier to concentrate without Ren touching him.  He had not given up all contact, he still had Hux by the wrist, breathing raggedly against his ear and stroking his cheek and hair.  Perhaps the knight thought he was being encouraging.  Hux willed himself to think about his task.  He just had to do it and he could leave.  The sooner it was over the sooner he could go. 

“You have to move your hand Hux…” said Ren, somewhere between annoyed and desperate. 

Hux kept his eyes clenched shut despite being in full darkness.  He moved his hand, recalling the names of all the parts.  He was sliding his hand up and down Ren’s- the penis itself.  Inside that was the urethra, corpora spongiosum, and corpora cavernosa.  He thought about the diagrams and the shape of each section.  It was like he was performing a mental dissection, though if he thought for a moment he could get away with it, he would much rather perform a real one.  On Ren.  Right now.  No anesthesia.  He visualized it, cutting his penis open and neatly labeling all the parts. 

“Oh…that’s good…” panted Ren, “You’re doing so good…” 

This was good?  Hux had always found it annoying.  He took no pleasure in it.  What was more, he was wearing leather gloves.  They were not work gloves with bumps that would catch on tools and give him a better grip, but they would hardly slip over a surface with ease.  Ren had readily agreed, so this could not be hurting him, but it still seemed a strange thing to be moaning about. 

“The tip…touch it.  The underside…oh, right there…so good…” Ren panted.  He had moved his hand away from Hux’s face and placed it against the wall behind him.  His hips were thrusting shallowly into Hux’s hand.  He wondered…

Hux opened his hand completely and Ren whined.  Hux found he quite liked that sound.  After the hell he had been put through, nearly being discovered, he had earned some payback.  This was all he could do, really, and he would have to continue if he did not want Ren to use a different part of his body to pleasure himself, but for now, this was incredibly satisfying. 

“Don’t tease…” Ren pleaded. 

“Why?  You terrified me,” said Hux as stoically as he could, “I thought I was going to be disgraced Ren.” 

“I’d never…Hux, please…please…” begged Ren. 

He was pathetic, and while Hux got no sexual gratification from it, feeling in control again felt so damned good.  He was nearly in command again, almost, so close he could taste it.  He impassively closed his hand, trailing his fingers down to Ren- along the glans penis and over the pepuce.  He drew his thumb over the urethral opening and Ren pressed against him closer. 

“You are not ejaculating on me,” growled Hux. 

“I won’t…I won’t I promise…” Ren nearly sobbed. 

Disgusting.  They were both disgusting. 

Hux continued to grope at it when one of his fingers brushed against the scrotum.  Ren seemed to have some sort of response to that, “D-Do that again…” 

“You’ll leave me alone after this?” said Hux bitterly. 

“What?” asked Ren. 

“If I touch you the way you want, how long will you leave me alone?” demanded Hux, stilling his movements. 

“Hux…” whined Ren, “Just got back…missed you so much…please…you said you would.  I promised so…please…” 

It seemed they were both pathetic too, though the way Ren begged made Hux feel less so. 

Hux moved his hand and Ren moaned like an animal in heat.  It struck him that Ren was much quieter than he was.  Hux was vocal when he was nervous or felt threatened, and he knew that probably had a lot to do with all the noise he had been making on the _Helden_ when Ren was touching him, but he was surprised that between the two of them, the impulsive, beast-like Ren was quite and Hux, normally more reserved, howled and mewled like some inhuman creature.  It was curious, but not curious enough to distract him from the hot, throbbing object in his hand.    

Hux kept his thought on the parts.  Penis, the corpori, pepuce, glans penis, scrotum, testicles, trying to pretend the throbbing thing was a subject laid out on a lab table and he was pinning it down to cut up later, studying it before taking it apart.  He was not pleasuring anybody, he was plotting out where he ought to make his incisions and the best way to cut it open without causing too much unnecessary damage to the specimine.  He willed himself not to think of who it belonged to or the things the owner wanted to do with it. 

Hux growled, “Turn yourself.  I don’t want your semen on me.” 

Ren obeyed, which was a rare thing, but as the reality of the situation, that this was just an illusion of control, was starting to make itself apparent.  Hux was not controlling Ren.  At any second, the knight was fully capable of reversing their situations.  Hux had tricked him, stalled him, reduced him to nothing but a rutting, moaning animal, but he was not in control, not really.  If he was he never would have gotten himself shoved in the damned closet in the first place. 

The knight shuddered and finished.  Hux tried to pull back immediately but Ren clamped a hand over his, forcing his fingers to stay shut around his organ and move back and forth at a faster pace.  Hux nearly gagged as he felt the thing go soft in his grasp, shrinking, and a splat of fluids hitting the wall and floor beside him.  Ren leaned against him, panting, still not releasing his hand.  He placed sloppy kisses to Hux’s cheek and neck, despite the General trying to shove his face away.  “Kylo, no.” 

“It was good…for your first time that was really good,” sighed Ren, ignoring him, “Though I could have done without that…that bit of sadism…” 

“Turn on the light.  I want to get dressed and leave,” ordered Hux quietly.

“I need a minute…just a minute to rest…” panted Ren contentedly, nuzzling against Hux. 

“You can rest, but I want to go,” said the General. 

“No…just…just stay a little while…” begged Ren. 

Hux felt a set of fingers settle over his neck, massaging small circles into it with his fingertips.  Was this…a loving or threatening gesture?  He had no idea how to tell the difference with Ren.  It might have been meant to reassure him, but it might have been a promise to do violence if he moved.  Maybe it was both.  Hux growled his displeasure and reached his free hand around to try to find a control panel to at least turn the lights on.  He doubted he would enjoy what he saw but he needed to get his clothing sorted and redress himself. 

Not finding anything he did his best to relax against the wall and wait for all this to be over. 

Ren gave him a final kiss and retracted the hand around his throat.  Hux sighed with relief and the lights came on.  He blinked at the sudden change and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness.  Looking about he found his hypothesis had been correct.  He did not like what he saw.  He ignored Ren panting next to him, the white, viscus fluid splattered the wall, shelves and the floor.  Knowing it would disgust him, Hux glanced at Ren’s crotch, where his gloved hand was still held tightly.  He bit his cheek to keep from grimacing.  Ren’s penis was soft and limp, the tip hanging lifelessly like fish that had just been removed from a hook and had its brain dashed out against nearby rocks.  Their hands were both covered in the knight’s semen and Hux nearly gagged at the sight.

“Let go,” said Hux firmly.  Now that he could see everything he felt different.  He felt…violated.  That made no sense, it was just his hand, and though Ren had been keeping him in place, Hux had been the one performing the sexual acts.  It could not possibly count as assault if he was the one stimulating Ren…

…could it? 

No, it didn’t.  It didn’t count.  It couldn’t.  If it did than it would be too…

Ren let go and Hux pulled his hand away.  He looked at it, dripping, disgusting.  He needed to get the glove off before he could start dressing himself again, but he was not sure how to get it off of him.  The gloves were probably ruined, there was no getting around that, but at least they had spared him from having to make direct skin to skin contact with Ren.  He drew his left hand up, gingerly tugging at the fingertips on the soiled glover, trying to ease it off without touching too much of Ren’s fluids.  His hands were shaking again, and only got worse as the glove refused to come off. 

Hux could not understand why this bothered him so much.  Just a few moments ago he had felt powerful again and now he felt so…used.  But that was not right.  It was just his hand.  His virginity, for what little it mattered to Hux, was still intact.  Ren had not changed him.  He still had the same genetic code, was made up of the same hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and carbon, and still held his rank.  Ren had not hurt him, aside from a scratch on his leg.  He should not feel like this.  He should be proud he found a way out of the situation and figured out a way to gain some leverage.  If Ren came at him, he might be able to do this to keep the knight’s passions in check.  He could withhold it if Ren got out of hand.  The knight could hold him down and force him to lie still, but if he wanted any active participation, he would have to be a bit more willing to listen. 

Hux willed himself to think about that, but his hands still shook. 

“Here,” said Ren softly.  He took Hux’s cleaner left hand and pulled the glove off of his hand.  It was a strangely kind gesture.  He took the other one as well and Hux immediately moved to cover himself up, refastening straps and clips, pulling up his Jodhpurs, buckling belts… 

“Do you want me to get rid of them for you?” asked Ren quietly.  Hux could see him still holding the soiled gloves in his hand, “I don’t mind.” 

The gloves were standard issue, tailored to fit his hand, but nobody ought to be able to tell who they belonged to just from a glance.  If someone saw Ren with the gloves nobody should suspect they belonged to General Hux.  Hux finished refitting his clothes and replied, “Yes.” 

“Okay,” said Ren, speaking softly, barely above a whisper. 

Hux glared at him, “If you ever want that to happen again, you will never, ever, nearly expose me to my subordinates again.” 

He knew it was too much to ask that the knight stop touching him or leave him alone for an extended period of time.  By now he knew Ren better than that.  However if he could manage other things, it would make the situation more workable. 

“I wouldn’t have,” Ren began to protest.  Hux glared at him more intensely.  The knight looked down at the gloves and sighed, “I won’t…” 

“Good,” said Hux, clenching his bare fists and finding he disliked the feeling.  He heard a tone coming from his datapad.  He took it out and looked at it, growling, “I have a meeting on the other end of the ship in five minutes.  I’m going to be late thanks to this.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you angry, I thought you’d miss me,” said Ren. 

It took every ounce of restraint Hux had to keep himself from howling with laughter at that.  Missing Ren.  As if he would ever do such a thing.  He continued to growl, “I’ll have your report later.  I mean it Kylo, never again.  Never.” 

“I won’t,” repeated Kylo, sounding slightly more irate.  Hux brushed by him to get out.  Ren caught him by the arm and kissed his cheek, “I’ll make it up to you.” 

Hux ripped his arm away, “You can start by letting go and not making me any later than you already have.” 

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

Sanitation trooper HE-1216 went to retrieve the cleaning fluid from the supply closet.  To his chagrin, he heard the unwelcome sound of moaning.  Already having had a hard enough day of cleaning several toilets, HE-1216 was hardly in any sort of mood to wait for whoever was inside to finish.  He had a crappy job and he wanted to get it over and done with.  

He was shocked when he found the ship's co-commander, Kylo Ren inside.  

"Sir!?" He cried out in alarm.  He looked at the other man in the closet, half dressed and with an unmistakable shock of red hair, "Is…is that the General!?"  

"No…" Ren began, waving his hand as he thought, "It's…your mom!"  

After a second glance the sanitation trooper saw that Kylo Ren was, in fact, with his mom, "Mommy!?"  

"Yeah, which makes me your new dad…good talk son," said Ren, shutting the supply closet door.  


	19. A Troubled Mind, Sharper'd, Know The Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I really need to stress that Kylo Ren is a very unreliable narrator. Kylo Ren is a very unreliable narrator. 
> 
> I said I'd update two fics this evening, but life happened, in a good way for once. One of my IRL friends picked me up after work to play Undertale and to go on a Pokémon hunt (I hatched a Charmander, caught two Jynx, and evolved a Dritini). I've also been working on my Halloween costume. So, sorry, but I'll have to update the last one tomorrow. I'll try to keep updates regular though! 
> 
> Thanks again to Murasaki99 for editing. Please check out her writing here on A03 and her art on Tumblr!!!

It took a few hours to stop thinking about what he had done.  Even when he had stopped actively thinking about it, the feel of warmth seeping through his gloves, the weight of it, that sickening feeling of Ren softening in his grip.  As upsetting as it was, it could have ended much worse, and Hux tried to focus on that.  He had taken control of the situation and found a new form of leverage.  There was little he could do to stop Ren from touching him, but if the knight wanted a willing participant he would have to be a little more obedient.   

Hux was self-conscious about his ungloved hands, and wondered if the crew was observant enough to notice their absence.  It was not such a strange thing, Hux convinced himself, clothing got worn out, torn, sometimes without much warning.  Still, he would not have time to return to his quarters to retrieve a spares, so he would have to spend the rest of the day with his hands feeling strangely exposed.  It was certainly better than carrying around semen-caked gloves in his pocket trying to think of a discreet way to dispose of them. Hux was glad Ren had volunteered himself for that task. 

He concentrated on the pain in his thigh.  Ren accidentally cutting him with the clip had become a mixed blessing.  Hux hated the circumstances in which he had been injured, but the sting gave him something to focus on and took his mind off of the ghost of imagined heat that still played in his palm.  Every time he thought about what had happened he would think about the pain and any distracting emotions he was experiencing would go away. 

There would be no ignoring it when he had to meet with Ren again.  The knight still had to relay the particulars of his mission.  Hux was not looking forward to being alone in a conference room with Ren.  They had just reached another level of intimacy so no doubt Ren would want to hang all over him again, showering him with kisses and feather light touches as a ‘reward’ for his compliance. 

Hux entered the conference room and was grateful not to have been pounced on.  Ren made no move to rise up from his seat when he entered the room.  He was also still masked, thank goodness, that meant no kisses for the time being. 

“So,” Hux began haughtily, “Your mission was a success?” 

“In more ways than I imagined it would be,” said Ren in such a satisfied way that it made Hux want to plant the heel of his boot into Ren’s mask. 

“Is there anything I ought to be made aware of?” asked Hux. 

“In terms of your task, no,” said Ren simply.  Hux nodded and reached for the panel to leave when Ren said, “But, all that time in the shuttle gave me time to train.  I think I’ve stopped projecting thoughts.” 

Hux turned and crossed his arms over his chest.  He had guessed as much already but rhetorically asked, “Have you now?” 

“It was never something I needed to be concerned about.  Nobody seemed to notice, and if they did it was no concern of mine,” said Ren flippantly, “So you don’t have to worry about my thoughts or feelings or sensations.  I thought about it and…it must have been disorienting.  I didn’t mean to do that to you.” 

Hux sighed as Ren continued, “And I bit you.  I don’t regret it, but you seemed to be in a lot of pain.  And before, in the closet, I was excited, I didn’t mean to treat you so harshly.  It seems I’ve caused you a great deal of pain as of late.” 

That was the understatement of the millennium.  Ren had mentally and physically violated him, made him bleed, played a terrifying joke on him and almost rap-…Hux pushed the thought from his mind.  He did not respond to Ren.  He did not know if he ought to thank him for finally showing a little genuine empathy and understanding, or slap him across the face for being such an idiot to begin with.  Thinking strategically the former was for the best.  If he wanted Ren to continue thinking empathically than he ought to show some positive reinforcement. 

“Thank you,” Hux mutter quietly, “I’m glad you can see that now.” 

“So I’ve arranged for you to have a day off.” 

Hux stared up sharply.  He only took leave when his health demanded it.  He did not have the time to take a personal day because Ren wanted him to.  He was still tracking the Resistance.  While his men could manage without him for a short amount of time, did not want them to.  He wanted to be part of this, part of the hunt.  This was exactly what he had joined the First Order to do, enforce order and obliterate dissenters.  He did not want Kylo taking that from him. 

“I don’t need one,” said Hux firmly, “We’ve been making a decent amount of progress and I want to be able to-”

“It’s already been arranged, General,” said Ren calmly, “It’s been a few months since you’ve taken a day to relax.  You need to rest.” 

“I don’t need rest, I need to be with my men, figuring out where the Resistance might be rallying to.  Kylo we have a chance to find the bulk of their numbers.  I can’t take leave,” protested Hux. 

“I’ve already arranged it,” repeated Ren, “You won’t be expected at any meetings, the bridge crew have been made aware of your absence, nobody is to disturb you, and all meals will be sent to your quarters.” 

Hux furrowed his brow, “Kylo…I _hate_ taking leave.” 

It was true.  There seemed to be nothing more wasteful than abandoning his work so he could sit about and do nothing.  Even when he was ill and his condition forced him to stay confined, he hated it.  Hux enjoyed being active.  He enjoyed figuring out locations based on clues that had been left behind.  He enjoyed working out problems the ship was having and finding the best solutions.  He enjoyed using his head, not letting it sit uselessly on his shoulders while he did nothing of use or value. 

“I’ve thought of that,” said Ren, “Which is why I’m going to spend the whole day taking care of you.” 

Hux could have screamed again from frustration.  Ren’s idea of ‘taking care of him’ when he had a concussion was to heap blankets on him and try to kiss him.  His idea of ‘taking care of him’ when the knight had thoroughly chewed up his neck was to apply a cooling pack, feel him up, and then ask him the particulars about how he masturbated.  Hux did not want Ren anywhere near him for five seconds, let alone an entire day when he decided to ‘take care of him.’ 

“I like working, I want to work,” Hux insisted, “If you want to do me any sort of kindness you’ll allow me to work.  Wasn’t that a stipulation of this whole arrangement?  Didn’t the Supreme Leader himself tell you not to distract me?” 

“While I was making arrangements I found you haven’t taken personal leave in years.  One day won’t hurt anyone.  You’ll be able to continue your work more effectively once you’ve rested,” insisted Ren. 

“You have realized when you help me ‘rest’ I usually end up in some compromising position or another,” Hux countered, “That’s hardly going to help me relax.” 

“I’ve already figured it all out.  Tomorrow, I’m going to come to your quarters and I’m going to make sure you relax,” said Ren.  He finally got to his feet and looked Hux over, “And if you try to go to work, I’ll throw you over my shoulder and drag you back myself.” 

Hux bit the inside of his cheek.  Damn Ren.  This was not what he had wanted.  There seemed no arguing with him though, and physical resistance was just going to get him right back where he started. 

Hux tried changing the subject, “So what did you find, or am I not privy to Force-user dealings?” 

Ren paused, probably not anticipating the question.  He touched the bag at his belt, “I’m not sure.  A map of some sort.  I’ve already cross-checked it with our database, but there’s no match.” 

It was a better topic of conversation than Ren trying to help him relax.  Hux gestured to one of the data-readers attached to the conference table, “May I see it?” 

Ren gave a slight shrug before opening the data reader’s port and pulling a rather large rectangular chip from his belt.  He placed it in the machine before closing it and a bright blue map was projected into the room.  Hux squinted at it, stepping closer.  Having an eidetic memory meant that he could easily recall every map he had ever seen before.  This system, whatever it was, was completely unfamiliar to him.  Hux placed his hands on the table, leaning in to study the map carefully, committing it to memory, “Do you know its purpose?  Is it a map to something particular?” 

“I’m not sure, but it only seems to be a piece,” explained Ren, moving to stand beside Hux, “I found it in the ruins of a Jedi temple.” 

“The technology is older than ours by five years, give or take,” reasoned Hux, “And you have no idea who left it?” 

“No, but I was meant to find it.  I could feel it,” continued Ren.  He glanced down at Hux briefly before staring at the map again, “You…look good like that.”

“I hope you mean when I’m concentrating,” muttered Hux. 

Ren glanced down at the way Hux was leaning over the table, “Yes, that’s it exactly.” 

* * *

 

Kylo anticipated resistance.  Hux, it seemed, was always looking for an excuse to fight or resist.  It was enticing, to a point, but his refusals could lose their charm after a while, especially coming off of their recent absence.  Then there was all that teasing.  Leaning over the conference table like that with his slim hips pushed out and his back arched.  Hux was practically daring him to push him the rest of the way down, holding him in place by those modest, skinny hips…

That was yesterday though.  Today Kylo had his General all to himself.  Perhaps by the end of it Hux would be more inclined to take things further between them.  It could not be long now.  Ren grinned to himself as he recalled Hux’s clumsy performance, so unlike the usually precise and perfect General.  Still, Hux had made the offer, which was quite a bit of progress.  He still would not admit to himself that he enjoyed being touched, but that would change.  Kylo was confident about that.  Hux might not be inclined to actively seek out sexual gratification, but his reactions made it clear that the General loved being touched and fondled. 

He’d already had a box of supplies delivered, with instructions for it not to be opened.  Hopefully Hux would not become too nosey and have a look before Kylo arrived. 

Kylo punched in the security code to Hux’s door and saw the General perched over the box with a seal cutter.  How precocious of him.  He was also slightly disappointed to see that Hux was dressed in his uniform, having hoped Hux would have had the sense to wear his loose fatigue clothing.  Or his robe.  Kylo had noticed that Hux owned a bathrobe.  It had been in his closet under a plastic sheet and, much like the General, remained untouched for years. 

“I didn’t expect to find you so eager,” mused Kylo, taking off his mask. 

“I get a box delivered to my room with instructions not to touch it, of course I’m going to open it,” said Hux plainly, rising to his feet, “That or call a bomb squad…” 

Kylo had not considered it from that perspective.  Still, there was nobody on the ship who seemed interested in making an attempt on the General’s life.  Unfortunately there were still more than a few who felt drawn to his Hux.  Kylo sighed, “It was supposed to be a surprise, but I’ll let you open it if it will make you feel better.” 

Hux sliced open the seal on the box and opened it.  His brow furrowed and Kylo grinned.  Hux pulled out a small glass vessel, about the size of a small liquor bottle and examined it.  Could it be he didn’t…?  Hux was really too precious when he was naïve like this.  A rare treat, considering his normally vast wealth of knowledge. 

“What are these?” asked Hux, swirling the liquid around, observing the texture and viscosity, “Oils?” 

“That’s right, you’re so clever Hux.  I should never expect less from our resident genius,” said Kylo teasingly.  Hux shot him a dirty look before Kylo continued, “They’re Corellian massage oils.  You’ve never seen them before?” 

“No, but I’ve heard of them” said the General, setting the bottle down on the table, “It’s an unnecessary luxury.  An excess.” 

Hux would say something like that.  Kylo sighed, “I’m going to need you to take off your uniform.  Go put on something more comfortable.  Maybe that robe.  I know you have one.” 

Hux hesitated.  This was the only sort of situation he seemed to waver in, and Kylo savoured it.  Watching the General process what he had just heard, then weigh his options, slowly and carefully, unlike his usual split second decisions.  Kylo loved it.  He was the only one who got to see Hux like this, so nervous and vulnerable.  It made the darkness around him irresistible when it was laced with Hux’s apprehension.  He could take it in all day, feeding on it, getting drunk off of it. 

“What’s wrong with my uniform?” asked Hux. 

“Nothing, but having so many layers will make it hard for me to pamper you,” said Kylo. 

Hux stiffened and took a step back.  Kylo was used to Hux misinterpreting his advances as a threat, though he hated it, but he did not understand what could have upset Hux this time.  Unless…Kylo grinned. 

“It’s nothing you need to be worried about.  Haven’t you ever heard that word before?” asked Kylo. 

“No,” replied Hux sharply. 

Hearing things like that gave Kylo mixed feelings.  On one hand, it bothered him when he thought about Hux being bred and raised in such a harsh environment, never experiencing love or care, tender touches, not even being given a proper name.  On the other hand, it meant he could be the one to show Hux all of those things.  It meant he would be the only one to touch him lovingly, to fawn over him, to pay him compliments, and of course witness all of Hux’s delightful reactions.  Apprehension, mortification, uncertainty, they all felt delicious.  And of course, in time, it meant he would be the one who got to deflower the haughty, modest General.  Hux’s general lack of exposure to affection seemed to be coupled directly with a sexual naiveté that Kylo almost felt bad about spoiling.  Almost.  

“It’s another word for spoil.  You’ve at least heard of being spoiled before, haven’t you?” asked Kylo. 

“I have, and it’s to be avoided so as not to breed ex-”

Kylo cupped his hand over Hux’s mouth, “Stop thinking, take off your clothes and put on your robe.” 

Hux seemed alarmed by the statement at first as he stepped back.  Kylo had half hoped Hux would try to bite him again.  He had not expected to enjoy being bitten when he had first improvised his hand as a gag, but he had discovered that he really liked it when Hux got vicious.  Hux stared him down.  It was too precious, thinking there was any way he could resist.  They both knew Hux wanted this.  He could protest all he wanted, but Kylo knew different.  Hux just needed to be pushed, and if Kylo had to get a little rough in order to make that clear, so be it. 

“You can change by yourself…” whispered Kylo teasingly, “Or I could take them off for you.” 

Hux stared at him stunned and Kylo flushed.  He could never look Hux in the eye when he got like that, and his lack of compliance got Kylo flustered.  Not knowing what else to do he started babbling.  He had little to no forethought put into what came out of his mouth, and he knew he would feel embarrassed about it later, but it was such a knee-jerk reaction that he could not help it, “I really like taking them off of you…I like seeing you get all shy for me.” 

Hux’s discomfort spiked again as he brushed past Kylo to get to his bedroom, “Don’t you dare peek.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes.  Although, now that Hux got him thinking about it, he would not have minded a quick look while the General changed.  He imagined Hux would go about it quickly and efficiently.  It would likely never occur to him to do it slow and tantalizingly.  Kylo still imagined Hux, taking everything off shamelessly, being fully exposed and having no idea he was being watched.  Perhaps another time.  Kylo had never been particularly stealthy and did not want to deal with the ensuing fallout if Hux caught him looking.  Not today at least. 

Not a few moments later Hux emerged, staring at nothing out of the corner of his eye, the white robe clutched around his slim frame, “This is ridiculous.” 

Kylo flushed.  It would be so easy.  All he would need to do was loosen the belt across Hux’s hips and it would fall open.  He could make it look like an accident, that the belt had come undone all by itself.  Kylo willed himself to push the idea from his thoughts.  The point of today was to make sure Hux would not be angry with him, to make up for past missteps, not make more of them.  While Kylo saw nothing wrong with exposing the General and admiring him, he had a feeling that Hux would protest.  He usually did when it came to these things.  Besides, it would be better if Hux took it off by himself, flooding the room with darkness and embarrassment, blushing as he stood completely naked, waiting on Kylo’s approval as he looked away shyly. 

“It looks good on you,” said Kylo quietly.

“It given to me when I was promoted.  I never saw the point of it,” said Hux.

“Being comfortable, perhaps?  A reminder not to stress yourself too much,” offered Kylo.  He patted the couch, “Sit down.” 

Hux glared slightly.  He hated being ordered about but Kylo loved getting him slightly riled up.  Hux was cute when he got indignant.  What was not cute, however, was the way he stiffened and tensed when Kylo touched his hair.  He wished the reaction could be purely one of intense pleasure.  In part it was, but he was aware that Hux was perceiving the act as a threat, a prelude to an attack.  He could tell from the emotions radiating off of Hux that he was getting better at calming himself, but the fact that he still did it at all stung a bit. 

Kylo stood behind Hux, gently stroking his hair with his fingertips, waiting for Hux to finish calming down.  When he felt the feeling of being threatened subside Kylo leaned in closer, allowed his touch to become a little firmer as he raked through Hux’s hair.  It was such a brilliant colour, and soft to the touch.  If it was like this with minimal care, Kylo wondered what the General’s hair would be like if he bothered with paying it proper attention.  Hux would likely never want to be made up and dressed in delicate finery, as much as Kylo would have loved dressing him, applying paints to his face and arranging his lovely hair.

“Pass me the yellow one,” whispered Kylo, pointing to the box on the table. 

Kylo saw Hux’s nerves visibly light up when he did that.  He was not sure if there was a word to describe how satisfying it was to make Hux do that.  It was not a sexual reaction, just a pleasurable sensation ripping through his body when he was touched softly and whispered to gently.  Kylo had never encountered it before.  It was interesting, and it amused him to think such a harsh, unyielding man could be reduced to a trembling little mass of nerves with the barest of affections. 

Hux took the glass vessel from the box, “What is it, exactly?” 

“Hair oil.  It makes your hair softer, brighter” explained Kylo, taking the vessel from Hux.  He smiled to himself slightly, “Not that you’re in dire need of it.” 

He opened the bottle and a floral aroma filled the room.  Hux cringed and covered his nose, “Do they all smell that strongly.” 

Kylo sighed.  He had not considered that the scent might be a shock to Hux’s senses.  Having lived on Star Destroyers for most of his life where everything was kept clean and sterile, he probably had not been exposed to anything this strong smelling in a long time.  He rubbed his thumb along Hux’s nape apologetically, “Does it smell nice, at least?” 

Hux was silent.  Kylo took that as a yes.  The man was so afraid of exposing any weakness that he would not even admit when he liked something.  It was infuriating, but Kylo could learn to live with it.  He smiled to himself before spreading the oil over his fingers and set the glass bottle aside.  Gently, very gently, he ran his fingers through Hux’s hair.  It was important to treat him carefully, not only to make up for past, brusque behaviour, but to show Hux that he could be trusted to be gentle.  That there was nothing for him to be too apprehensive about. 

First times were always the most stressful, the most awkward.  Kylo sometimes thought he had wasted his.  He had just abandoned the Jedi path, and as a symbolic gesture saw fit to end the vow of celibacy that he had all but been forced to take.  It had been a bitter, vindictive gesture, shared with some strange woman in the back room of a cantina that he would rather forget about.  It was part of the reason he wanted Hux’s first time to be special, gentle, loving… 

It had taken a few times for Kylo to discover his disliking for sex did not stem from himself, but from his partner’s gender.  Strangely, it had never really occurred to him that sex with a man was a possibility that was open to him.  He had always heard that it was something between a man and a woman, everyone around him seemed to think that, and he’d never seen or heard of two men being together, so it was not something he had thought to question. 

When he had gotten around to questioning it, then to testing his theory, it was infinitely more satisfying.  His partners, more often than not ones he had paid for, or ones his Master had found, were more than willing to allow him to experiment with them.  Kylo found he liked being rough, even domineering, but also soon discovered that he disliked how impersonal it all was.  He did not know who those men were.  They pretended to react positively, but in reality they felt completely indifferent.  He wanted something more emotionally enriching, his dark alignment craved it. 

He recalled, as a boy, before he had been sent away, _he_ had made a promise.  Kylo had been young, and like many boys his age he had let out a cry of disgust when he saw a couple kissing.  _He_ had laughed about it, running a hand through Kylo’s dark curls before saying, “I promise you son, you won’t make those sounds anymore when you’ve found a girl you want to kiss.” 

Kylo recalled being affronted by that, unable to imagine doing something as gross as wanting to kiss someone, especially a girl.  Now that he had Hux though, it was a daily struggle to keep his lips to himself.  Hux did not taste sweet.  His General had a more natural taste, his bare lips never had balms or glosses applied to them.  It was grounding and addicting.

Hux’s hair was drenched in oil now, the usual bright red colour now damp, dark like blood and clinging to his scalp.  He was still tense, and Kylo wanted to reassure him, tell him how good and patient he was being.  Hux, oddly, seemed uncomfortable with that.  Kylo had expected with his background that Hux would love being praised and rewarded, but he always seemed…upset.  Every time Kylo told him he was soft, perfect, pretty, or doing well, Hux would project just the smallest hint of melancholy.  He seemed to prefer a fight to comfort and coddling.  Perhaps something had happened to him that made praise and compliments no longer pleasing to hear. 

“Do you have a towel?” asked Kylo. 

Hux moved to stand, so Kylo shoved him back down by his shoulders and held him in place, “I’ll get it.  You sit.” 

“In the refresher,” mumbled Hux, who seemed, as usual, lost in thought. 

Kylo kissed his cheek before retrieving the towel.  He wiped the excess oil from Hux’s hair gently.  Touching the hair, testing it with his fingertips, the results were infinitely better than Kylo had anticipated.  It was soft like satin, and he would be the only one who knew it.  Hux was his alone to touch.  He leaned in, pretending to still be toweling it dry as he took in the scent of it.  Hux’s natural, somewhat musky smell mixed with the floral oil’s scent beautifully. 

“You’re finished then,” said Hux quickly. 

“Far from it,” said Kylo, placing another light kiss against Hux’s nape and inhaling his scent.  He hummed his approval at the lovely scents mingling and the softness of the skin under his lips.  Hux gave a powerful shudder and Kylo grinned as he moved back, “I want to look at your leg.” 

Hux clutched the robe, holding it closed, “It’s hardly worth the concern.” 

“Let me fix it,” said Kylo more firmly, moving around so he could face Hux.  The General was apprehensive, he always was when it came to showing off his pale skin.  Perhaps the inhibition was for the best.  He did not want to think about Hux revealing himself to anybody else, not even medical staff. 

Hux remained silent, thinking, so Kylo approached, kneeling beside him.  He pulled at the robe, which Hux adamantly kept closed.  Kylo sighed, “Just enough so I can heal it.  I won’t do anything else.” 

Hux looked away.  Kylo was not sure how he felt about that.  It was such an uncharacteristic thing for the General to look away in defeat, and yet his cheeks flushed, and his head tilted down in such an attractive way that Kylo found himself enjoying the sight every time. 

The General shivered as his leg was exposed.  Kylo knew he was staring at Hux, and that people were often wary of him when he stared at them, so he tended to look at their noses or mouths so he couldn’t see them judging him.  He couldn’t help staring at his General though.  Hux was so pale and slender, like a beautiful doll.  He thought he might have liked one when he was younger, but had been too nervous to ask about it.  He considered asking but had been so frightened of what someone might say about him since he’d never seen boys play with them.  He never anticipated Hux having such seemingly fragile features under his uniform, but Kylo was not about to make any sort of complaint.  He loved that Hux was secretly so frail and vulnerable.  It was intoxicating to think he could break his little General so easily, and whether Hux knew it or not, he continued to breathe at Kylo’s pleasure.  Not that he would ever want to break Hux, he would never hurt his little doll on purpose, not if he could help it, but the idea that he had the ability to do it got him riled up every time he thought about it.

Focusing, he concentrated Force energy into his hand before applying it to the bruise and long scrape running down Hux’s leg.  The General gave a shudder before collapsing onto his side, his eyes going hazy with only the slightest hint of consciousness remaining.  Kylo recalled the first time this had happened, he had panicked, thinking he had done something wrong and accidentally put Hux in a vegetative state.  It just turned out Hux responded particularly strongly to the soothing energy. 

To his credit though, Hux was more responsive this time.  He pressed his fingers against his palms lightly and his leg trembled under Kylo’s touch.  Kylo’s breath hitched slightly when that happened.  He shook just like that when Kylo had touched his creamy, pale thighs for the first time.  He also remembered Hux flushed and wriggling under his touch, crying out and making delightfully obscene noises when he pulled his shaking legs apart…Kylo smiled fondly to himself at the memory.  He was the first person to bring his General to climax.  As unexpected as it had been, and despite the disorientation issuing forth from Hux’s mind the sight of him coming completely undone was one Kylo looked forward to witnessing again. 

With the cut closed and the bruise fading, Kylo could not help it.  He promised, but Hux was too irresistible like this.  He leaned in and reverently pressed his lips to Hux’s leg, hoping to make up for his former harshness.  Hux, still slightly coherent, turned bright pink and jerked slightly.  He wanted to do more, especially when he sensed the smallest hint of arousal coming off of Hux, but he had already broken his promise.  Kylo knew first-hand how awful broken promises were.  _He_ had always made plenty of promises, only managing to keep a scant few of them.  Kylo had resolved not to be like him though.  He gave one last, gentle kiss before pulling back.  He would remember that small trace of arousal though.  Perhaps Hux would prefer those kisses on his inner thigh…

Hux sat up as soon as he was able and covered his leg again.  Kylo sighed, “I was just kissing it better.” 

Hux kept his eyes averted as he muttered, “I always thought that phrase was a joke.” 

“Its common practice, where I’m from,” explained Kylo. 

Hux huffed slightly, “Sounds like a good way to spread infections.” 

Kylo sat back on the floor and flushed slightly, “I could tell you liked it.  If you want, I could do more than just kiss you there.  Or I could kiss…between your legs…” 

“No,” said Hux harshly before adding in a softer tone, “Don’t do that.  I’m not…ready…” 

Kylo sighed.  Of all the things General Hux could have been in the bedroom, a blushing, modest virgin was the last thing Kylo would have expected.  Not that he minded, in a lot of ways.  It made Kylo incredibly possessive whenever he thought about Hux being a virgin.  Nobody else had ever, or would ever, touch the General.  Hux barely even touched himself, meaning that undoubtedly tight entrance may have never been penetrated.  It would be all Kylo’s to open and stretch and fill while his General sobbed in pleasure.  It would be worth it, but all of this waiting and hesitation was driving him insane. 

“I need you to go lie down,” said Kylo, jerking his head towards the bedroom. 

“Why?” Hux asked bluntly. 

“So I can rub your back.” 

“You can’t do that here with me sitting upright?” 

He could, but Kylo did not want to.  He grinned slightly, “You can go lie down, or we can stay here and fight over it.  Of course, that robe will…p-probably come off if you struggle too much…” 

Hux glowered at him before rising to his feet.  He was a little unsteady at first, but recovered his footing soon enough.  Kylo kept his grin.  It seemed Hux was finally learning that fighting was useless.  He still enjoyed it when the General forgot that though.  When Kylo had imagined what it might be like, having a permanent, lasting partner, he could not imagine it without some bickering, or a little fighting.  His par… _they_ had always fought, and their romance was considered one of the galaxy’s grand, sweeping love stories. 

Kylo picked up another vial of oil and followed after Hux.  At first he had believed that, eating up the story of the princess and the scoundrel readily like so many others.  When he thought about it though, it was all wrong.  There was so much wrong with it that nobody seemed to realize.  _He_ left, constantly.  If _he_ was so in love, why would _he_ leave?  Why would _he_ take days at a time to respond to messages?  _She_ was always overjoyed when he came back, but was lonely beyond Kylo’s reckoning when he was gone.  When Kylo had first started picking up on the emotions of those around him, the loneliness was the first one he had ever felt. 

Kylo had tried to help, even attempted to sabotage _his_ beloved ship so _he_ could not leave anymore.  It had not worked, despite his knack for taking things apart.  Kylo wondered, if _he_ was so in love, why did _he_ always leave them?  Why did _he_ stay away for so long if _he_ loved them?  Kylo was not sure where or when he had first heard the term.  It was as if it had popped into his head out of nowhere, but as soon as he learned it he began to suspect that there was someone else.  Maybe another family with a good son who wasn’t so strange looking and did everything right.  The voice also whispered other things, ‘you’re not enough for him.’  ‘They don’t want you.’  ‘You deserve better.’  ‘I can help you.’ 

It made sense to Kylo, and still did.  All of _his_ stories about daring rescue and escaping the clutches of death, while at first thrilling, became horrifying.  If _he_ had loved _her_ at all, why allow _her_ to be put in danger?  Why walk _her_ knowingly into hostile worlds and waiting traps?  Freedom fighting be damned, if _he_ had loved _her_ at all _he_ would have never allowed _her_ into harm’s way.  And then, once _his_ daring and fun had been had, _he_ would leave.  Again and again.  _She_ did not seem upset, and _she_ was often away too.  Perhaps _she_ had…as well…because of the loneliness.  But if _she_ was lonely, why had Kylo never been enough to make her happy…Why was he never enough?   He had tried to be good.  He had tried to be perfect.  He had tried so hard for them and nobody ever noticed…

Kylo stopped in the doorway and looked over Hux, sitting deep in thought on the edge of the bed.  He could not say that he had been the perfect protector.  Hux had been hurt on his watch before, and by him when the situation made it inevitable.  He wanted to be better though.  He had no intention of becoming a scoundrel who gallivanted across the galaxy without caring if the one he loved was hurt or pining.  And if he did need to leave, he would make up for it with letters and affection when he returned.  It was difficult, but he was trying to think of other ways to please Hux.  What sort of gifts would he like?  And a name, of course.  Kylo had put a decent amount of thought into it but he still could not come up with a good one.  It had to be pretty and soft as he was, something princely, a bit exotic, something that sounded innocent and beautiful…

He approached Hux, tenderly stroking his smooth, clean-shaven cheek before taking hold of the lapels of his robe delicately in his fingers.  Hux had his eyes closed, and seemed in the process of willing away his urge to fight again.  Kylo whispered, giving it an experimental tug, “It needs to come off a bit, just down to your waist.” 

Hux pressed his fingers against his palms again.  That seemed to be his way of signalling he was ready, since he was too shy or prudish to say anything.  Kylo slipped the robe from Hux’s shoulders, slowly, so he would not be taken aback by any sudden movements.  He wished Hux would not be so particular about being called ‘pretty.’  It was the only thing that came to mind when he saw the General like this.

His lovely, ivory skin was tinged with a delicate pink as a blush spread across his chest.  With the absence of marks and scars on his clear, creamy skin it drew the eye immediately to his navel and delectable, rosy nipples.  They were already hard, as if begging to be teased and sucked.  Hux was slim, but not quite underweight with ribs threatening to show themselves under his skin.  His lack of fat and muscle showed off a pronounced collarbone that was perfect for nipping, bruising and kissing, and gave his shoulders a gentle, elegant slope.  Hux was the perfect size; tall enough to complement Kylo’s own substantial height and not make kissing an ordeal, but lean enough to be easily held down with one of Kylo’s massive hands and fondled with the other.  One of Kylo’s hands could probably cup his narrow hips and hold him in place for all sorts of acts.  He was also light enough that he could sit comfortably in Kylo’s lap, which made a number of positions possible.  Hux looked so supple, warm, inviting…

Holding back was becoming increasingly difficult. 

If only Hux would stop being difficult, he would take him into his lap, tug the rest of the robe off, and show the General more intense pleasure than he had ever known in his life.  Then Kylo could play with those tender little nipples, sucking one gently while teasing the other, his free hand returning that favor from the supply closet as Hux squirmed and mewled in his lap for more.  Kylo would show him how it was done, touching all the places that would leave him breathless and begging to be taken…

Hux started breathing heavily through his nose.  No, this was all wrong.  He was not supposed to be showing signs of distress.  Kylo loved Hux’s panic but he did not want that now.  Had he stared too much?  Were his emotions projecting again?  At least his thoughts were not doing that anymore.  Hux probably would not have appreciated Kylo’s thoughts about his body, even though he meant them in the most flattering way possible.  Kylo kissed Hux’s shoulder, desperate to console him, “Shh…it’s okay.  Don’t be afraid…I won’t do anything bad to you, I promised…” 

His breathing evened out a little.  Good.  Hux’s panic was entertaining but now was not the time for that.  It was not time to play with him yet.  Kylo kissed his shoulder again appreciatively, “Lie on your front…I’ll take care of the rest.” 

Hux moved to the corner of the bed he usually occupied.  Kylo would not be surprised it someday he found a cache of weapons hidden between the mattress and the wall.  The first time he had caught Hux hiding weapons, and intercepted the reason why he had them had hurt a lot.  He would never force himself on Hux.  Hux wanted this, he just wasn’t saying it, and for whatever reason sex scared the hell out of him.  If having a hidden weapon or two made Hux feel better, and provided he didn’t actually use them, Kylo did not see the problem in allowing him this little indulgence. 

Hux watched him warily, he always did.  Kylo knew rooting around Hux’s head would just get him into more trouble, but he wondered what had made the General so mistrusting.  Had his training made him paranoid?  Had someone said or threatened to do something in the past that left him wary?  Kylo hoped not.  Even though it would be his pleasure, the list of people he had to kill if he came across them had grown quite long. 

When Kylo touched Hux’s back he felt everything tense up.  His eyes screwed shut.  Kylo used the Force, to pick up on Hux’s surface thoughts, just to make sure he was alright.  All he heard was a math problem, something about ‘escape velocity.’  Kylo mentally pulled back and watched Hux press his fingers into his palms before clenching the sheets.  That must have been the signal that he was alright. 

He applied the oil to his hand before experimentally squeezing Hux’s shoulder.  Hux’s breath hitched and Kylo saw a surge of pleasure shoot through him.  He was alright, he was enjoying it.  He just wasn’t used to it yet.  Hux cringed when he used both hands, probably going through the motions of perceiving it as an attack and calming himself down.  Kylo really, really wished he would stop doing that.  He watched the expanse of creamy skin tighten and bunch as muscles tensed.  His shoulder blades jerked and the beautiful, delicate line of his spine contorted.    

It took a fair amount of time for Hux’s body to lose its tension, but he kept his death grip on the sheets, occasionally letting out a gasp.  Kylo did his best to keep his movements slow and systematic, trying to keep his desire to himself.  He was no longer projecting his thoughts, but he was not so sure about emotions.  He enjoyed Hux’s coyness when he sensed he was being lusted after, but not now.  It wasn’t the time for that.   

Hux was…perfect.  Kylo was not so romantic to think that he had envisioned falling in love with Hux from the moment they met, or he had somehow always known Hux would be his.  He had certain qualities that he had thought would be complimentary for him.  He was strong-willed, quick with a stinging remark, instilled with a strong sense of what was right for the galaxy, smart, handsome, someone who could keep up with him, even put him on his toes.

When _they_ had been together, that seemed to be how relationships ought to work.  Desire, love with a little antagonism thrown in.  Both partners keeping each other’s wits at their sharpest, having different roles that supported each other.  Hux fit that description perfectly.  A great strategist, a General, his General, fighting for the good of the galaxy. 

And because he was perfect, Kylo had a chance to fix everything.  He would take that old, flawed love story as his foundation and make it better.  He would show everyone how awful _he_ had really been by showering his own lover with every attention and affection.  He would not be a scoundrel who always ran away, who had sent his own son away to some godforsaken temple.  He had a chance to start everything over, make it better.  Kylo would fix it, he would become a knight instead of a scoundrel, and Hux would be his princess… 

Not that Hux would probably ever allow Kylo to call him a princess.

Kylo desperately wanted to kiss Hux’s face as he relaxed.  No, he had worked hard to get the General this docile, he did not want to ruin it after all that work.  He looked peaceful, finally, finally starting to settle into his touch.  No tension, no panic, just acceptance. 

Then there was something else, a subtle but sudden shift in Hux’s brainwaves.  Had Hux just…? 

Kylo continued to gently move his hands as he leaned down.  Hux’s lips were parted, breathing gently through his mouth, his eyes were closed, though not tightly, and his body felt limp under Kylo’s hands.  He whispered softly, experimentally, “Hux?” 

No response.  Hux was definitely unconscious. 

Kylo kept his hands moving, just in case stopping would wake Hux up.  Removing them was a slow process, making sure their absence would not be too sudden for Hux to miss it.  Kylo finally took his hands away, wiping away excess oil on the sheets.  He never had a chance to look at Hux like this.  When they slept together Hux either fell asleep after him, or possibly did not sleep at all.  With all the sleepless nights it was no wonder he passed out.  Kylo lay down beside him, watching the rise and fall of his back.  If Hux was a heavy sleeper, perhaps he could touch him, move him a little, but Hux was so sensitive to touch.

He could use the Force though, slowly, carefully, moving Hux onto his side.  His robe had opened, exposing the General’s legs again, as well as his…

…exercise shorts. 

The drawstrings were tied in a ridiculously complicated knot.  Kylo frowned.  That was so infuriatingly typical of Hux.  

Kylo gave an irate sigh, “Well played, General.” 

Hux continued to breathe quietly as Kylo took in his physical beauty.  He looked better like this.  Relaxed, exposed, passive.  Reaching up, Kylo gently stroked his hair, admiring it’s now inhumanly silky texture.  He ran his thumb across Hux’s cheek, brushing hair from his face.  He did not look at Hux’s eyes often, he felt compelled not to when Hux seemed angry, which was most of the time.  He could look all he wanted like this though, and for the first time he noticed the General’s lashes were a light, reddish colour.  Kylo nervously pursed his lips before tracing one set of lashes lightly.  He had no idea eye lashes could be any colour other than black. 

He looked down at Hux’s torso and legs, wishing he and the General were more intimate with each other.  It might have been fun to wake Hux up with sex.  If he thought he could have gotten away with it, Kylo would have done it.  He could still touch him a little though, just a little petting, maybe kissing, possibly smelling him a little.  All perfectly harmless things.  He pursed his lips in concentration as he gently moved Hux’s arms away from his chest.  He prodded a nipple lightly, experimentally to see if Hux would wake.  Seeing him continue to sleep, Kylo moved his arms around the General and pulled his pale, half-nude body against him.  He was so warm and soft, like a little bird Kylo found when he was young.  He had wanted to keep it and care for it himself, but…he hadn’t meant to do it.  He had no idea a baby bird’s bones were so fragile but everyone scolded him anyways while he held the motionless bird and cried over it.  He thought it would be alright if he gave it a little hug because he had loved it so much… 

He ran his hands over Hux’s back and cautiously ran a hand over his ass.  He was surprised Hux had one at all with how skinny he was.  Kylo hummed as he touched it, not daring to squeeze it in case Hux woke up.  He nuzzled Hux and cupped the slight curve of his ass gently as he took in the scent of his hair, skin and the oils that had been used. 

Hux just kept sleeping.  Kylo sighed and rearranged his General’s hair.  He looked deceptively harmless like this.  Kylo bit back a snort of amusement when it occurred to him that princesses usually looked harmless, but never were.  He whispered softly,

“You don’t have to say you love me…it’s enough if someday you just say ‘I know.’” 

He hazarded placing a kiss to Hux’s lovely red lashes and nestled in closer beside him.  It was not what Kylo wanted, but it was alright.  Hux needed more sleep anyways.

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

"Hey, uh, Hux?  Could you hold these beside your ears?" 

Hux looked down disdainfully at a pair of cinnamon buns and before fixing his icy gaze on Ren again, "Why?" 

"No reason..." mumbled Kylo, "And um...maybe you could wear this?" 

Hux sneered at the white, flowing dress he held up, "Really?" 

"Oh, and say something like, 'You're my only hope,' or call me a 'Nerf herder,' or 'Flyboy' or maybe say I'm a little short for a Stormtrooper?" asked Kylo. 

"And why exactly would I do any of that?" demanded Hux, folding his arms over his chest. 

"...No reason..." said the knight. 

Hux rolled his eyes, "Careful Ren, your Oedipus complex is showing..." 

Phasma opened the blast doors and leaned into the room to interject, "You both know everything Freud said is regarded as nonsense?" 

Kylo and Hux exchanged a look before asking, "Who's Freud?" 


	20. Come out and Fight me like a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sort of moving into another 'arc' so to speak. This is kind of the one where everything eventually goes to complete shit. So...yeah, here we go I guess.

Hux had been grateful that despite the loss of productivity, Ren had not tried anything.  He had been unsettling as always with his staring and sniffing and excessive touching, but he did not once ask for intimacy.  He had been shocked to wake up after unexpectedly drifting off to find Ren pressed close to him, but a quick inspection of the knot in the drawstrings of his shorts indicated that Ren made no attempt at undressing him.  Ren had looked up at him from his place beside him on the bed and mumbled sleepily, “I promised not to.  Besides I can’t feel your emotions if you’re sleeping.” 

He also couldn’t figure out if Ren had undressed him.  He recalled being more or less bullied into stripping himself to the waist, but after he had fallen asleep he wasn’t sure what had happened to leave the robe hanging off of his waist and the rest of his body exposed.  He didn’t want to think Ren had done it, though he knew it was a possibility.  He wanted to believe, for once, that the knight had done nothing.  Sometimes if he was warm while he slept, Hux knew he would kick blankets away.  He might have exposed himself.  He didn’t want to think of being helpless like that while the knight gawked at him, stripping him, touching him…    

Afterwards, they had fallen back into their covert routine.  Ren would appear every three days, stare after Hux like a lovesick little boy, and Hux would find a discreet place for Ren to have his fun.  Hux noted that the knight was far more forward with him now.  Whereas before he had settled for fleeting kisses, now he had taken to groping, always unclasping Hux’s tunic and trying to slide his hands inside it.  Hux had tried saying no, shoving Ren’s hands away, using his now futile mental shouts, but none of it worked.  Once, when he had gotten particularly irritated and managed to land a strike to Ren’s face, the knight just laughed and scolded him with a purr, “Feisty today, aren’t you?” before he continued his attempts to undress him.

Thankfully, aside from their encounters, Ren left Hux alone.  Hux felt more or less free to work, run his ship and hunt down the Resistance like he always had.  Ren’s needs, though it always felt long, took little time to satisfy.  Hux just needed to be careful of camera placements, shift changes, and make sure nobody was watching him. 

He felt watched, as of late.  At first he had taken it as an omen that perhaps he was closing in on the Resistance, that they were being monitored by an enemy that waited just out of sight.  As that slowly proved not to be the case and the strange feeling continued, Hux started observing his crew more closely.  It was not them, perhaps security?  But then it persisted in his quarters where there were no cameras.  He would feel, more acutely at some times than others, that there was someone else in the room looking at him.  He kept looking about, expecting to find Ren gawking at him. 

Was it Ren using the Force to keep tabs on him?  It might have been.  Hux would not put it past him.  Despite it being a futile effort, Hux took to double encrypting the lock on his door.  It was a useless gesture, but it made him feel a little more secure. 

There was no such little gesture to make him feel safe when he patrolled the ship though.  Suddenly, without warning he would get that feeling.  It could be anywhere.  In a hall, on the bridge, the engine room, the training rooms, the mess, and it would strike.  Hux always kept calm.  There was no use in suddenly shouting or making a scene.  What could he do?  Shout for help because he felt something watching him?  He’d just be sent for a psych evaluation.  If it was Ren, which it very likely was, there was really nothing anyone could do to help him, so why bother mentioning it to anyone apart from Phasma and Flax? 

It happened again when he stood on the bridge and received a message from Ren.  Mitaka patched him through, “General, your presence is required immediately in meeting room 935 on deck nine.” 

He sounded sane enough, though with Ren that was never really a good indicator to go by.  He called out an obedient, “On my way.” 

Then, for a moment, something touched his hand, stroking the back of it gently. 

Hux started, pulling away suddenly and jerking his arm back.  Had Ren touched him with the Force?  Hux stared at his gloved hand and felt himself go pale.  No.  He could not allow Ren to do that.  If he did that there would be no safe time or place for him.  Ren could do anything to him at any given moment. 

“Sir?  Is your hand alright?” asked Mitaka. 

“Pinched nerve, lieutenant.  Thank you for your concern,” said Hux flippantly. 

* * *

 

Hux entered the meeting room glaring daggers at Ren, “Don’t you dare start using the Force to touch me!  Especially while I’m working!” 

_ “Calm yourself General, no need to be rash.” _

Hux froze when he heard the voice.  He quickly emptied his mind to the best of his abilities and looked over at Ren, who sat with his hands folded on the table.  Hux was not sure what to do.  He had never encountered the Supreme Leader, or his voice, outside of the Holochamber.  Completely unprepared to hear that voice coming from a comlink, Hux could only stand still. 

_ “Take a seat.  You’ll find an envelope.  Look at the images within and select one.  Keep it hidden within your mind to the best of your abilities.”  _

Hux did as he was ordered.  He sat down and opened the envelope and found the curious, two dimensional printed pictures inside.  He looked through a few and selected one, a green pear.  He did his best to purge it while still remembering it, covering it with layers of equation and simulation related trauma. 

_ “The pear.  Select another, General.  Kylo Ren, you will attempt to breach his defenses.”  _

Hux nearly recoiled.  Not this, anything but this.  This was his only successful way of protecting himself.  If Ren found a way around it, took it away from him, then his mind would be open for the knight to sift through at his leisure.  Hux would be willing to put up with a dozen more nights of Ren ‘playing’ with him to avoid this. 

Ren, for his part, also seemed apprehensive.  Hux could not read his face but his fingers tightened as soon as he had heard the command. 

Hux tried to stay calm.  He just…had to think of it as training, as much for his own benefit as it was for Ren’s.  If he got used to it, or could figure out how Ren’s power worked, he might be able to turn it on him.  The Supreme Leader had mentioned there were techniques for expulsion.  Perhaps, if he was lucky, Hux would stumble across one. 

Looking through the pictures he chose another, an ocean.  He locked it away while he tried to purge it.  Building up his layers and defenses again, constructing levels and walls in his mental fortress out of numbers and unpleasant sensations. 

Ren stared at him.  Hux could not feel him enter his mind, but that did not necessarily mean Ren was not trying to get in.  So, he kept building, each layer more complex and violent than the last. 

_ “Approach him if you must.”  _

Ren stood up and walked to where Hux was seated, stretching out his hand and letting it settle on Hux’ temple.  Hux sensed the invasion immediately and made his first assault, his father slapping him across the face for speaking out of turn.  Ren gasped and pulled back. 

_ “A Jedi will be better equipped than this.  You must learn to ignore his attempts.”  _

Hux gripped the arms of the chair and willed himself to think of the most wretched moments of his life.  The pain, shock, anguish, things that would startle Ren out of his head.  It was only a temporary solution.  What could the Supreme Leader have meant?  How could someone like him keep a Force-User at bay? 

Ren spoke, quietly, “Master…I’m scared.” 

Hux was surprised that Ren freely admitted that, to the Supreme Leader of all people. 

_ “Such feelings are natural.  Can you identify the source of your fear?”  _

Ren stammered behind his mask, “I don’t…I don’t want to hurt him.” 

_ “General, when I examined your thoughts, did you experience any pain?”  _

“No, Supreme Leader,” replied Hux automatically, though he had certainly been taken aback and frightened by it once he found out it had happened without his knowledge.

_ “If the technique is performed correctly, General Hux will not experience any discomfort.  Think of it as an incentive to learn quickly.”  _

“Master…the prisoners…when I tried…I killed them…” Kylo continued quietly.  

Killed?  Ren had killed people while poking around their thoughts?  Hux tightened his grip.  He could see why he had been selected as a test subject.  It was a brilliant plan in its ruthlessness.  Hux could defend himself better than most, providing a slight challenge, and Ren would have the drive to keep Hux alive and perform the technique correctly.  If this had been happening to someone else, Hux might have applauded the Supreme Leader’s cunning. 

_ “Don’t fight the pain or confusion.  Let it wash over you.  Try again.”  _

Ren stroked Hux’s cheek with a gloved hand before settling on his temple again.  Hux projected his thoughts loudly.  Now was not the time for niceties.  He would go straight for Ren’s mental jugular.  If Ren went deeper into his mind the knight might kill him,  **_‘Rape!’_ **

Ren stumbled back, “No.  No Hux, it wasn’t…I’d never…” 

_ “He’s attempting to repulse you.  He’ll use any method at his disposal.  Now he’s using your fear against you.  Try again.”  _

Hux gritted his teeth as Ren approached him again, shaking, barely touching him.  Hux projected again, louder,  **_‘You bastard!  You tried to rape me!’_ **

“Hux, no!” shouted Kylo, starting to lose control, “Don’t you dare-!” 

_ “Compose yourself Lord Ren.  It’s a cheap trick, nothing more.  Try again.”  _

“Tell him…not to use that one!” exclaimed Ren, pointing at Hux accusingly, “Anything else, just not that one!” 

_ “General,” _ said the Supreme Leader, as if compromising with a naughty child,  _ “Choose a different thought.  Something mild.  Allow Lord Ren a chance to experience how the technique is supposed to feel.”  _

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” replied Hux.  Orders were orders, and he had a suspicion that this was an order he wouldn’t be allowed to negotiate.  He lowered his defenses begrudgingly.  Ren had better not kill him.  He focused on his old drill instructor again. 

_ “He’s ready.  Try again.”  _

Ren did as he was bid, replacing his fingers again.  Hux projected the memory and Ren flinched, but held on.  Then, suddenly, he felt like he was being flipped and slammed into the ground at breakneck speed.  Hux bit back a cry of pain, only letting out a gasp.  He felt something warm trickle down onto his lip. 

_ “Don’t force your way through it Lord Ren.  Let go of the urge to fight them.  The only harm he can cause is the harm you permit him to inflict.”  _

Ren reached up and wiped Hux’s nose with his thumb.  Hux felt the blood smear and gripped the chair tighter, “I didn’t mean to…I’ll get it right this time.  I didn’t want it to hurt.” 

“Just do it,” said Hux through gritted teeth. 

_ “He cannot hurt you.  He cannot expel you.  You are the one who permits him to accomplish this.  Let his efforts wash over you and proceed to your goal.”  _

Hux braced himself for another round of pain when Ren touched him again.  Hux conjured up the memory of the TIE Fighter hurtling towards the bridge again.  This time he received what felt like a punch to the gut for his efforts.  Admittedly it was much less painful, but Ren still pulled back. 

_ “If you cannot withstand such a feeble assault, you’ve no chance interrogating a Jedi.  Try again.”  _

“I don’t want to hurt you…” Ren simpered again, reaching out his hand,  _ ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’  _

Ren was trying to disorient him, projecting to throw off his efforts.  Hux was prepared, he brought Ren’s thought to the forefront, throwing it back at him with contempt.  Ren, inadvertently, projected it back on Hux with denial.  Hux tossed it back, louder this time, with disdain.  They kept going like that for a few minutes before Hux forced Ren from his mind with a shout of effort. 

Shaking, watching Ren reel backwards, Hux wiped his face with his glove.  He had bled more that time. 

“Master…what did he…?” 

_ “He exploited your connection.  You exposed yourself to him.  I’ve given you directions Lord Ren, now you must follow them.  Try again.”  _

Ren tried once more and Hux projected another memory.  His first kill.  It had been sloppy, the way it was for most beginners.  Hux had received a painful blow to the head before finally managing to shove another cadet off a platform.  He had fallen four levels, too stunned to scream, his body making a sickening crunch when it hit the floor, his flesh splattered and bones broke into pieces. 

Ren, strangely, lingered in the memory, intrigued by it. 

_ ‘No!’ _ Hux projected,  _ ‘Get out!’  _

He brought another memory forward, something Ren might find less palatable.  Not in any mood to hold back Hux recalled their feedback loop, hoping it would be intense enough to force Ren to go away.  He lingered.  Hux felt him press through to another level, a physics problem.  Ren was only temporarily stunned before he sank deeper into Hux’s mind.  Too panicked to hold back, he accused Ren again,  **_‘R-rape!  Pervert!  Monster!’_ **

“I know you don’t mean it,” Ren whispered to him, finally sinking past it, “He picked the desert.” 

_ “He’s deceiving you.  He’s set up red-herrings.  Use the Force, seek out the true image.”  _

Hux struggled, tossing his head as if it he could launch Ren from his mind with a jerk of his neck.  Ren held on, probing deeper, getting closer before he whispered, “The Ocean.” 

_ “Good.  General, are you able to continue?”  _

“Y-yes…Supreme Leader…” Hux panted. 

_ “Lord Ren will attempt to enter your mind again.  You will attempt to isolate and repulse him.”  _

“How…how shall I go about it?” asked Hux, still exhausted, “I don’t have any prior training.” 

_ “Entice him.  Lure him away from his goal, then cut him off.  Use any means at your disposal.”  _

Hux was not sure about cutting Ren off, but he understood enticement.  What would entice Ren?  What would lure him away from his search, especially under circumstances where the knight would be perfectly aware of the fact that he was being lead on? 

A painful memory, so he would not suspect, but also one that Ren might find enticing.  Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he selected another picture.  It was an image of a bird Hux had never seen before.  He clenched the chair again as he tried to think of a memory that would not cause suspicion, but was one that Ren might become wrapped up in. 

_ “Proceed.”  _

Ren reached out and Hux allowed him to penetrate the first two levels before he conjured his memory, flushing as he did so.  He was in the Academy.  He had a test, but that did not make him anxious.  He stifled a cry of disgust and displeasure as he looked down beneath his blankets at the tented fabric of his fatigues.  Ren, inserting himself into the memory, lingered, his interest piqued.  The man was so easy to read, a pervert through and through. 

Nobody had been awake yet.  Hux had slipped into the wash area.  He could not turn on the water to shower by himself, the showers were communal and the time the water turned on and off was inflexible.  Hux tried turning the tap anyhow.  Nothing.  He ducked into the latrine, groaning at the sensation between his legs.  Hux focused on it, allowed Ren to feel his unwanted arousal. 

Hux recalled needing to take care of it, but hesitating.  He could not let himself be seen like this, he could not concentrate on the test like this either.  The idea of going through with it disgusted him though.  Ren watched the young Hux’s dilemma with rapt attention. 

Hux…had no idea what he was doing.  He had trapped Ren, certainly, now how was he supposed to throw him out?  A sudden shift in memories would likely prove as effective as the layers had been, especially if Ren decided he wanted to hunt this particular memory down.  Hux recalled reading about lucid dreaming.  Could it work for memories too?  Changing them to suit his needs?  It was worth a try. 

He focused, had his younger self round on Ren’s presence in the shadows of the latrine,  _ “I see you watching!” _

Ren seemed to be searching around, trying to detect someone else in the memory.  Hux imagined a change in scene.  The room collapsed around them, imploding in on itself, crushing everyone inside.

Ren pulled back. 

Hux wiped his nose again.  Blood had run off his glove and smeared its way over his pale wrists.  Had…had that worked?  Or had Ren been stunned into pulling away again?” 

Ren took off his mask, sporting an identical nosebleed and wide, frightened eyes.  He wiped his nose and stared at Hux in disbelief.  Hux panted and pinched his nose, tilting his head back and trying his best to contain the bleeding.  He did not want to explain why he and Ren both had bloody noses and the meeting room’s table was speckled with red. 

_ “A Jedi will be able to detect your fears and passions, turning them against you.  They will also attack with greater speed and less clumsiness than the General.  Consider this a small taste of what you will encounter.”  _

Ren nodded, panting, trying to catch his breath.  Hux wondered if he had physically injured Ren the way the knight had done to him a few minutes ago.  Either way, he was pleased with the technique.  He did not have to hide his thoughts anymore.  The second he detected Ren in his mind, he could toss him out, or blame offending thoughts on a defensive layer. 

He was also interested in the Supreme Leader’s description of his execution of the technique.  Slow and clumsy.  He could make it faster?  He could perform it with more accuracy?  It would likely take practice.  Perhaps it was time to tentatively insert daily meditation back into his schedule.  He seemed to have an advantage over Ren when it came to mental exercises.  Ren was a force of nature, doing what he pleased, his power seeming to come from how in tune he was with his own feelings and willingness to accept them.  Hux was more interested in discipline and concentration, which for the purposes of this particular situation gave him an edge. 

There was one thing that still infuriated Hux though.  He could not make the first move.  He would never have the first move.  The technique was entirely dependent on whether or not Ren entered his mind or projected thoughts at him.  If Ren cornered him like he had in the supply closet and refused to touch his mind, there would be nothing he could do to stop him.  In this strange scenario, Ren still held most, if not all of the power. 

_ “That will conclude today’s exercise.  You will return every second day.  We will continue until you have both made sufficient progress.”  _

There was a clicking sound as the comlink shut off.  Hux, exhausted, leaned back and panted, no longer feeling the need to hold his posture with the Supreme Leader’s voice no longer present.  He would need a few minutes to bring himself down from…whatever these feelings were.  No doubt he looked like as much of a wreck as he felt.  He could not go back to the bridge just yet. 

“Hux?” asked Ren quietly. 

“Yes?” Hux panted. 

“I’m…I didn’t mean…” he whispered. 

Hux did not want to hear this.  He leveled his head again and looked at Ren, who was looking at the floor.  Hux gasped out as he covered his nose, just in case it started to bleed again, “From what I gathered, this was mental sparing, yes?  Would you be apologize every time you hit me if we were  sparring ?” 

“I don’t want to spar with you.  I don’t want to hit you,” protested Ren, drawing closer, creeping forward like a wild animal into an open space, “Did…did you mean it?  Do you still think I…?” 

Hux ground his teeth.  He could tell the truth and be on the receiving end of one of Ren’s tantrums, or lie and spare himself even more pain.  He growled out, “No…” 

“Because…I would never do that to you…Hux…I…” Ren trailed off, placing his hands on Hux’s shoulders, leaning over the General’s ear to keep his face hidden, “I…really…I have very strong…feelings for you…” 

Hux closed his eyes and muttered, “Stop blubbering on me.  I know.” 

Ren stiffened. 

Hux growled, trying to push the knight back, “I know.  You’ve said that before.  I don’t need to be given information multiple times, unlike some.” 

Without warning Ren’s mouth was on his.  Hux very much doubted the passionate intensity of the kiss was what made him see stars.  In all likelihood it was Ren jerking his face around combined with the blood loss that did it.  He tried to push Ren off as he kissed with increasing levels of ferocity, working to keep Hux pinned to the chair.  Finally Hux managed to work a foot between them and shoved Ren away.  He stared up in shock.  He was not sure what he had said or done to set that off, but it had left him stunned and Ren actually smiling, teeth flashing, looking down with ecstasy and a ravenous hunger. 

It was a discomforting sight to say the least. 

It was so unnerving that Hux was not sure what he ought to do or say.  Cautiously, he rose to his feet and edged to the door, reaching for the panel.  Ren followed with his eyes, starting to laugh.  It was an unexpected, jarring sound, like water trickling down a broken pipe and dripping everywhere.  It made Hux’s blood run cold.  What had he done?  What had he said?  Just confirmed that Ren had already told him about his fondness.  And it came so suddenly after his whimpering.  Ren had not responded like this to anything else. 

Hux pressed the panel to open the door.  Ren looked him over and announced, gloatingly,

“You  _ love _ me.” 

Hux froze.  He never said or thought anything of the sort.  He was too stunned by the groundless accusation to dodge when Ren approached him again and repeated, “You love  _ me _ .” 

“Ren…Kylo…stop,” said Hux, retreating against the wall, “I never said that.” 

“You don’t need to,” whispered Ren.  Hux kicked again, Ren laughed more before pinning him down by his power again, “Don’t be embarrassed…don’t fight it…” 

Ren kissed him again, softly, before pressing their foreheads together and lacing his fingers in Hux’s by either side of his head.  Hux was still reeling, wondering what on earth was happening, “I need to go.  You need to let go of me.” 

“I love you Hux…” said Ren softly. 

Hux looked at the open door.  If only he had command of his feet.  Freedom was only a few paces away.  Hux tossed his head, trying to get Ren off of him, “I-I know…you said that before, and it’s very flattering b-”

Ren kissed him again before backing away, “It’s alright, I understand.  You can go.” 

Hux felt himself being released and took off as quickly as he could without breaking into a full run.  What had just happened?  He had never said anything remotely akin to ‘I love you.’  The words had never once passed the barrier of his teeth.  He was loathe to think he had ever even thought about them in that sequence.  Yet somehow…somehow Ren had thought he said it, or somehow indicated it.  Unwittingly perhaps, Hux had done something that corresponded to his fantasy.  What was it?  Acknowledgement?  Forgiveness?  Denying Ren had assaulted him? 

Hux felt his hair stand on end again and turned back.  He saw nobody but some strange, sixth sense told him somebody was watching, stalking him as he made his way back to the bridge.  He suddenly felt vulnerable, and despite being fully uniformed with only his head uncovered, he felt naked, like whoever was watching could see through his clothing.  Could the Force do that?  Was Ren looking him over, appraising him at that very moment? 

He stepped on the bridge and Mitaka called out, “General?  Your…your face is covered in…”

“I fell off a platform,” he seethed, “And don’t you dare tell Captain Phasma.” 


	21. Ah Yes This I'll Undertake (For My Own True Lover's Sake)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta readers have both been busy, so I decided to post this chapter without a beta. I really didn't want to do this, mostly because having a second opinion on the subject matter helps me from overstepping boundaries. Secondly, I'm not very good at spelling, and nothing can distract from a story like bad grammar and spelling. But, life happens and here we are. A lot happens in this chapter, and I recall when I was writing it that I didn't really like fics where Ren actually KILLS members of the crew/Stormtroopers and everyone just sort of acts like he scuffed the paint on the walls.

After that, everything between them became more intense.  Ren kissed him more ravenously, the feeling of being watched and stalked increased in frequency.  That was when Hux began receiving, what he could only classify as ‘gifts.’

It was always obvious who the perpetrator was.  Flax had given Hux an awkward, apologetic look, before showing footage of Ren beating a Stormtrooper within an inch of his life.  With the trooper incapacitated, Ren dragged him, using his power to larger hall, one that would become crowded before the shifts changed, and carved some sort of rune into the wall.  Finally he wrenched off the trooper’s helmet and carried it off.

“We had him removed and brought to medical already,” said Flax, “Lord Ren didn’t say anything the whole time, and we’ve no idea what provoked him.”

“Thank you Sub-Lieutenant, I’ll have a word with him,” replied Hux.  He pointed at the rune, “What does that say?  Has it been translated?”

“No, we’ve been unable to identify the language.  Shall we keep the incident quiet, Sir?” asked Flax.

“Nobody will be able to concentrate if they think Lord Ren is going to suddenly attack them.  I’ll see to the matter personally,” said Hux.

“Sir, I can send a security detail with you to confront him,” offered Flax.

A whole security detail to watch as Ren declared his love, held him in place and molested him?  Never.  Hux replied stoically, “There’s no need for that sub-lieutenant.  Ensure any other incidents are reported and quarantined.”

“Yes, Sir…” said Flax, somewhat dejectedly.

Hux could sympathize with her situation.  This went against everything she had likely been taught about keeping a vessel safe and orderly.  However, when dealing with Ren, it seemed like the only thing that worked.  Cover up his attacks and pacify him as best they could.  Hux sighed through his nose.  What would he have to offer Ren to make him stop this time?

“Sir, Ma’am, Lord Ren is…well he’s doing something again,” said a security officer, pointing to a monitor.

Both Hux and Flax let out audible groans before Flax called out, “Section off the area.  Say there’s a gravitational malfunction.”

“Yes Ma’am, sending out the notice,” replied the officer.

Hux pointed at the screen quizzically, “Are those my quarters?”

Ren set the helmet by Hux’s door before walking off.

The three of them stared at the screen in shock and confusion.  It took a few moments to register what had just happened.  Ren had bloodied up a Stormtrooper, stolen his helmet, and then delivered it to General Hux’s doorstep.  Flax looked up at Hux, “Sir…why would he do that?”

“I don’t know,” lied Hux.  He had a few theories, none of them pleasant.  He needed to redirect this though, “What was that Stormtrooper’s designation?”

“NF-6948,” replied the officer.

“Any prior instances of nonconformity or other deviations?” asked Hux.

“Yes, there was one.  He was sent to reconditioning after verbally harassing a fellow trooper,” said the officer, reading the report, “Then once again for sexual misconduct.”

“If Captain Phasma has not been alerted, contact her immediately.  Lord Ren may be pursuing non-conformists.  The Captain may have a better understanding of the situation,” said Hux sharply, “In the meantime, watch his movements, keep an eye on his tracker.  I’ll see to it that he stops this.”

Hux pulled out his datapad and sent a message to Ren, ‘Usual time, usual place.  We need to talk.’

Hux caught sight of Ren over the top of his datapad.  The knight had paused, staring directly at the camera.  Hux felt eyes on him again.  The knight, slowly stalked forward, looking up and briefly lifted his hand.  Was he waving?  Ren brought his hand down and Hux felt something slide down his back.  He bit his cheek and pressed his fingers to his palms to keep from crying out at the sudden, unexpected contact.

The General pointed at the screen and commanded, “Bring up that camera feed.  Full view.”

The image widened on Hux’s request, swallowing half the screen.  Ren continued to stare at the camera silently.  Flax furrowed her brow, “What is he doing?”

“Being a nuisance…” muttered Hux, watching the screen carefully.

Ren raised his hand and Hux felt an invisible warmth slide against his cheek.  It went away, the Ren gave a slight, teasing wave before taking out his comlink.  Hux heard a tone sound from his own device, then pulled it out and turned on the speaker.  Ren waved again, announcing, “During my meditation I’ve uncovered many traitorous thoughts.  I’m sorry General, but despite your insistence at your men being well trained, they can’t seem to…help themselves.  I can tell you’re listening too, sub-lieutenant.  Don’t think I can’t sense your warped thoughts and desires.  Stop, or you’re next.”

Flax turned a bright red colour and Hux glowered at the screen, “Lord Ren you’ve gone too far.  If you detect treasonous thoughts you are to report them to security and let them handle-”

“You complain at meetings that I don’t help enough.  It seems there’s no pleasing you, General,” sighed Ren.  He took another step towards the camera, “Of course…we both know that’s just a front.  You’re a very, very easy man to please.”

Hux bit his cheek as Ren raised his hand again and he felt something grip him by the backside.  It felt like it was cupping and squeezing, massaging experimentally.  Hux growled, “Lord Ren you will cease and desist immediately.”

Ren lowered his hand, “I’ll respond to your summons tonight, after I’ve neutralized the threats.”

He turned and walked away.  The security officer, having no idea what had just transpired stared at the screen, his mouth gaping wide.  Flax had a hand to her lips, trying to will away an angry blush.  Hux gritted his teeth, “We have to keep as many people out of his way as possible until we know what he’s after.  Open a channel to Lieutenant Mitaka.”

The security officer, recovering slightly, did as he was ordered.  Hux spoke smoothly and clearly, “Lieutenant, it’s been brought to my attention that we’re overdue for a chemical contamination drill.  Announce one immediately.”

“Yes, Sir,” said Mitaka, slightly surprised.

A moment later an alarm sounded throughout the ship and lights were cut to fifty percent.  Outside the room Hux could hear people scrambling to secure locations.  Good.  With everyone focusing on the sudden alarm and remembering procedures Ren would have a harder time picking out his victims, and he would have to carve his way through secured, locked doors to get to them.  Hux knew that this was not about hunting down traitors.

“That should stall him,” Hux muttered, mostly to himself.  He pulled out his datapad and wrote a message, ‘Desist and report immediately.  Obey or request 28 will be suspended for the foreseeable future.’  He turned on his heels and spat, “I’m going to stop him.  I’m not going to let that cretin have run of my ship…”

Hux made his way to his quarters as quickly as he could, ignoring the few security officers who were knocking on doors, checking to make sure everyone had followed the correct procedures.  Hux stared straight ahead, looking as aloof as he could.  He felt a vibration from his datapad.  If it was a message it would have to wait.  There were more pressing things to attend to.  He ground his teeth.  Damn Ren.  Damn him straight to each and every circle of hell.

His rooms were not terribly close to security, and with the distance he had to cover, it took a few hours to get there.  It was normally easier, but the transport system within the ship had been shut down for the drill.  When the drill was over, Hux could only hope that he had disoriented Ren enough to make him lose interest in his task.

Everything seemed fine, if eerily quiet and empty.  As Hux approached his quarters he slowed.  He spotted the helmet, along with two others, and five patches.  His lip curled in disgust.  Ren had taken his stupid infatuation too far again.  Hux could not have the knight assaulting his crew over a fit of jealousy.

His datapad vibrated again.  It had been doing that constantly.  No doubt officers wondering why they had not been informed that there would be an emergency drill today.  Hux would have to come up with an excuse for that later.  In the meantime he had to prepare for Ren’s arrival, figure out how he could convince the man to stop hounding everyone who had fleeting thoughts or feelings.  

Hux punched in his encryptions when he noticed something.  There was a bloodstain.  Hux recoiled immediately.  Hesitantly he pulled his datapad from his pocket and looked at the mass of messages he had received.  Some were from annoyed officers.  Most were from Flax.  Quick, informal, probably written under distress.

_‘Sir, return to security immediately.’_

_‘Sir, Lord Ren has somehow acquired your door’s encryption codes.’_

_‘Sir, FN-6948 bled out in the medical bay.  Time of death 16:41.’_

_‘Sir, do not enter your quarters.  We believe there’s a trap.’_

Hux put the datapad away and took a few deep breaths through his nose.  Ren was in his quarters.  The knight had only been allowed access to his rooms with a code and invitation.  Now it seemed that there really was no safe place left on the ship.  He finished entering the code and the doors opened.  Standing outside the room, looking in, it was pitch black.  Hux called out, “Ren, you’ve gone too far.  We need to talk.”

There was no reply.

“Kylo…I know you’re in there.”

Hux called out again, “Lights one hundr-”

Hux felt himself being launched forward and the doors closed behind him.  He felt arms, real ones, not ones made up of Force energy wrap around him.  Hux snarled, shoving them away, stumbling about in the darkness.  He knew his own room better than anyone else though, and he knew where the weapons were hidden.  He groped his way to the couch.  He had a thin, stiletto knife discreetly attached to the underside.

Ren pulled him back again, whether it was with the Force or his real hands, Hux had no idea.  Ren covered his mouth from behind and hissed, “Shh!  Hux, shh!  It’s okay, you’re safe!”

Hux elbowed Ren and turned around, “You just assaulted my crew, again, started touching me with your powers and now you’ve broken into my quarters!?  How did you get the codes!?  Whose mind did you invade this time!?”

Hux felt himself being seized by his upper arms, “Hux, it was more than…more than last time.  It wasn’t subconscious.  He was…actively thinking about it.  Very actively.  And once I started…I had to keep going.”

“You can’t do this,” growled Hux.

“What was I supposed to do!?  I was meditating in the training room and then he walked by and…there it was.  Someone…doing those things to you in their mind.  I needed to stop him!” countered Ren.

Hux drew back.  He needed to try this from a different angle, “Kylo, unless they were all actively forming a plan, those sorts of thoughts can’t hurt me.”

“They aren’t allowed to think about you,” insisted Ren, “You’re mine.”

“Kylo…” said Hux slowly, “As distressful as it must have been, those thoughts aren’t a danger to me.  If you really wanted to help me...you do want to help me don’t you?”

“Yes,” Ren replied immediately, desperately, taking Hux by the shoulders again.

“I’ll tell security that you’re going to assist them with keeping tabs on traitors.  If you sense someone actively giving serious thought to desertion, destruction of this ship, devious behaviour or murdering me…then, and only then, you can intervene,” said Hux calmly, “Will that make you feel better?”

“Hux he…” began Ren, shaking, “It was…the Stormtrooper… He…he was imagining you…on your knees…cum in your hair…it was so vivid…”

It was fairly common for loudmouths to rave about wanting to put a Commanding Officer in their place, usually by sexually humiliating them.  It was something Hux had brushed off as bluster, but had never enjoyed, finding it needlessly crass.  And while he could see perhaps that the trooper may have been out of control from the start, and while Ren may have made a decent call in punishing him, but this was not how things were meant to be done.  Hux could think of dozens more punishments that would send a stronger message than a sudden death at the hands of a volatile man.  There were regulations and there needed to be order.

“Submit a report about the thoughts you witnessed.  The trooper is dead…we can spin this by saying he was planning to…humiliate and murder me, but this isn’t going to win you any favors with the crew.  Whether we was a pervert or not, you killed their comrade,” said Hux calmly.

“It was just a Stormtrooper,” huffed Ren.

“He was NF-6948 and he was one of my Stormtroopers.  One of Phasma’s Stormtroopers.  He belonged to the First Order.  He should have been charged, tried and punished accordingly.  I can’t have you exacting vigilante justice because you feel like it.  We have a system to handle problems like this,” Hux tried to reason.

“He deserved it,” snapped Ren.

“That isn’t the point,” said Hux, exasperated.  It was clear that this was not going to work.  Ren was going to do whatever he wanted.  All he could do was try to curb it, turn it into something useful.  Hux took a few breaths to clear his mind before trying a new tactic, “Ren, if you really can’t help overhearing these things…ignore any thoughts about sex or passing fancies.  Look out for murder, violence, anarchy, destruction, taking care of crew and troops with those thoughts.  Those are the ones who pose a real danger to me Kylo… doing that will keep me safe.  I’ll talk to security about this.  You can work with them, but no more killing, and you have to let them know before you strike.  If you continue to upset the crew they may become hostile Ren, and they’ll come for the commanders who failed to keep them safe.  Is that what you want?  Mutiny?  There’s eighty thousand of them and two of us.  They can and will tear us limb from limb if they’re given a mind for it.”

“No I…I wasn’t thinking about that.  I just saw it…I saw him wanting to hurt you like that and…using your mouth and…I had to stop him,” said Ren quietly.

“I know, and I understand,” said Hux, trying to sound comforting, “But for everyone’s sake this cannot happen again.”

“I…I won’t.  I’ll do what you said,” relented the knight.

It would be like having his own private, security detail, capable of detecting treason without the need for cameras.  Hux trusted his crew, so much so that he did not even carry a weapon, but there was always human error.  People could always grow restless and discontented.  Being on a ship was a bit like being stuck on an island.  The only thing that kept everything from going straight to the ninth level of hell were rules and protocol.  If following the rules failed to keep people secure and reasonably content, than the rules would be changed, and the ones who had upheld the rules would change with them.  Ren, if he could be controlled, would eliminate that possibility of error, detecting mutinous activity before it started.  If he worked with security, found a place for himself within the system that was already in place, things might work themselves out.  Bottling up his frustration with the knight, Hux reached up to touch his face, “You need to stop fighting them over me and work with them.”

“It was so vivid…” repeated Kylo, holding the smaller man close.  Hux sighed.  That was probably the closest thing to a ‘yes’ he was going to get.

“You know I can’t have you running about taking matters into your own hands,” said Hux, pulling back, “Lights-”

“Leave them off!” said Kylo urgently, “P-please, leave them off.”

Hux’s brow furrowed, “Kylo…what did you do?”

“It was…I didn’t think you’d…don’t be angry.  Promise not to be angry,” begged Ren, “I just…needed you badly after that and…you weren’t here.”

“What did you do?” repeated Hux more intensely.

“I…on your clothes.”

Hux hoped that did not mean what he thought it did.  He called out urgently, “Lights one-hundred percent.”

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust.  There was Ren, standing in front of him, his holding the robe he had worn before in his hands.  Hux froze as he stared at it.  What had Ren been doing with it?  He was holding it close to his face, had he been smelling it?  Hux stood, his jaw going slack as the worst case scenerios ran through his mind.  Ren going through his clothes, obviously showing a preference for intimate garments, smelling and touching them.  Touching himself with them?  Hux would have to give everything he owned a wash, somehow, before he would be able to wear any of it without his skin crawling.      

“It…smells like you…”mumbled Ren, giving the robe a sniff before holding it out for Hux to take.

“We…we lost a lot of productivity today.  I doubt tha- the Supreme Leader will be happy that we devoted time and energy that we could have used for tracking the Resistance on damage control,” stammered Hux, struggling to keep his hands from shaking as he folded the robe and set it aside, “How exactly do you plan on explaining this?  You do remember if I distract you I might be transferred.  It’s what’s going to happen if you keep causing problems like this.”

“No!  I- I know.  I…I just got so angry.  They shouldn’t think about you that way…doing those things to you…” said Ren dismissively, chewing his lip slightly, “You’re mine…you said you love me…”

Hux felt his blood suddenly run cold again, “Kylo…I still don’t understand how you construed that…”

“You can’t say it, I understand, but…you made it clear enough,” said Kylo, smiling slightly to himself.

Hux sighed, “I’m going to give Flax the all clear.  Let her know this has all blown over.”

“Don’t meet with her alone again!” snapped Kylo.  The table and couch jumped back an inch in response to the knight’s fury.

Hux arched his brow, “Pardon?”

“Don’t,” warned Kylo, looking him in the eye briefly before settling on his nose, “She hasn’t quite figured it out yet, but her feelings for you are strong.  She might…try to take you away from me.”

Kylo had mentioned Flax was protective of him, but had assumed it stemmed from the fact that she witnessed a couple of Ren’s attacks on him, that it was just loyalty.  Flax was a good officer, he did not want to transfer her because Ren was jealous.  She had proven herself trustworthy and able to keep a secret.  Hux was not going to allow Ren to dictate which officers he kept and which ones he transferred.   

“She’s not good enough for you,” huffed Ren, “She wouldn’t be able to please you like I can.  She doesn’t love you like I do, and I can protect you much better than she ever could.”

“Well, you can start your pleasing me by submitting a full report to security,” sighed Hux, “And when you’re finished it would please me _infinitely_ if you had the decency to alert security next time you perceive a threat so nobody thinks you’re having some sort of psychotic break.”

“Or…” began Ren, chewing his lip and grinning slightly, “I could…maybe…you could let me touch you with the Force sometimes…I think you’ll like it…”

Hux ground his teeth.

“When you’re off duty?”

Hux covered his eyes with his hand and squeezed his temples.

“You can keep your clothes on…unless you want to take them off.  I could do it for you.”

Hux bit back the urge to shout his disgust and displeasure.

“I’ll do it gentl-”

“Kylo?”

“…yes?”

“I’m going back to work, and you aren’t going to use the Force on me,” said Hux, turning on his heel, “I expect you to be gone when I come back.  And one more thing…”

Hux glanced over his shoulder, brow furrowed, teeth gritted “This is my space where I come to be alone.  I’m the sort of person who needs time alone to feel rested.  You are never to enter uninvited again.  Do you understand?”

Ren sighed, “If you want.  Though…if you turned up in my room unexpectedly sometime.  I wouldn’t mind.”

Hux ground his teeth and pressed his palms into his hands, “And don’t touch my clothes again…”

“I told you, I needed you and you weren’t here.  I just wanted to feel close to you,” protested Ren.  Hux cringed as the knight ran his hand over the folded robe, “It’s soft, like you.  I like your smell.”

“Kylo, I said stop,” said Hux quietly, clenching his fists.  He repeated, “I said stop.”

“You’re not letting me touch you.  You have to let me do something else,” said Ren.  Hux’s eyes widened at the audacity of it.  Ren said it as if it made perfect sense, like this was some sort of rule that everyone knew and Hux was being completely unreasonable over.  Ren looked down at the robe, “You won’t even let me have a picture.”

Hux closed his eyes, “I’m sure there’s one on file.”

“I’ve seen all of those.  I want one that’s just between us.  Something that nobody else is allowed to see,” explained Kylo.

“You killed a man, a member of the _Finalizer’s_ personel.  I’m not rewarding you for that,” said Hux staunchly.  He gritted his teeth before saying as calmly as he could, “You can have one if you apologize to Phasma.  I want you both to clear this up.  Make all reports public.  Everyone needs to know that this was an execution of a traitor who had plans to act suddenly, not some hot-blooded impulse on your part.”

“So long as the message got through loud and clear, I don’t think we’ll have any trouble from them,” said Kylo, stroking his fingers over the robe.

“What message…?” asked Hux, dreading the response.

Kylo looked up at Hux sharply, “They seem to have this idea that I’m hurting you, and that you need to be saved from me.  If any one of them tries to take you away, I’ll do the same to them.”  He trailed his fingers over the robe lovingly, “You’re mine Hux.  Only mine.  I’m going to make sure you stay that way.”

  

* * *

 

Another training session concluded and Hux was feeling more confident.  Ren obviously struggled with concentration and focus, and it allowed Hux the power to toss the knight around like a ragdoll.  He was getting quicker at forcing Ren out, though the Supreme Leader still referred to his technique as ‘clumsy.’  Hux was not sure how, perhaps the details were wrong, but so long as he could push Ren out, he was satisfied.  It was also incredibly gratifying to see Ren with a bloody nose that Hux knew he was responsible for.

_“Do not allow him to detect you.  Move with his thoughts, not against them.  Allow yourself to flow through them.”_

Hux braced himself for another assault from Ren.  No matter how many times the Supreme Leader said it, Ren could not seem to figure out how to do it.  He growled in frustration and flipped a chair over before he sat in front of Hux again.

He tried, but Ren made himself incredibly obvious.  Hux did not need to summon specific memories or imaginary images to catch him anymore.  He had figured out how to make even his equations hostile.  Ren was in his head, in his territory.  Here, Hux felt he had a terrain advantage.  All of his thoughts could be used as weapons.  Ren stumbled into a quadratic equation.  Hux grinned as he willed the numbers to become white hot and bombarded the knight with them.

Ren pulled back, panting, “Master, why can’t I get past him?”

_“You are allowing your presence to be known.  You linger too long.  Focus on your task.”_

“It’s impossible…” seethed Ren.

_“He chose the clay jar.  It’s not so difficult to find.”_

Hux gasped slightly.  He had not felt anything, he had not dropped his defenses.  He looked away as Ren let out a frustrated sigh.

_“What is the simplest way to cut through metal?”_

“With…the correct tool?” Ren hazarded.

_“General?  Any thoughts?”_

“Cut where it seems weakest, Sir,” replied Hux meekly, still wondering how on earth Snoke was getting in and out of his head without him even feeling it.

_“The simplest way, with the least effort, is to follow the path that feels most natural.  Using the natural grooves and lesions as a guide, allowing a blade to glide through it.  Let its own construct lead you.  Once you have discerned the path, it is easy to follow it.”_

Ren let out another frustrated sigh and nodded.  He asked, “How do I find that path?”

_“You have the benefit of knowing the General.  What sort of man is he, Lord Ren?  Would a direct assault on his mind pass unnoticed or alert him to an intrusion?  Where is a mental space you can enter undetected?”_

Hux did not like to think he had left any openings, but obviously the Supreme Leader had entered into his thoughts somehow.  Hux took the envelope and selected another image.  A TIE Fighter.  That ought to have been easy to hide.  Hux let out an uneasy sigh as he gripped the arms of the chair again and waited for Ren to begin.

Ren seemed to be studying him behind his mask.  For a few moments Hux was consumed with fear.  Not detecting anything, perhaps Ren was in his head already?  Where had he gotten in?  Hux combed through his thoughts and memories, searching for anywhere Ren might be hiding.

_“Allow the Force to guide you.  Seek out that space in his mind where he will naturally grant you entry.”_

Hux felt something probe at the back of his mind.  Not fear…this was…pleasure?  He was not experiencing any sensations but suddenly his mind was being taken over by pleasant memories.  The sun against his skin when he was very, very young.  The scent of the oils Ren had used.  The taste of something sweet filling his mouth.  Hux steeled himself.  He knew exactly where Ren was.  Hux focused on the memories, turning them cold, putrid and sour respectively.

Ren pulled away and let out an annoyed huff.

_“What made you choose that path, Lord Ren?”_

“He denies himself,” Ren accused, “I thought I could enter through a place he refuses to acknowledge.  I thought he wouldn’t notice, since he ignores that part of his mind.”

_“Sound logic, though flawed in its execution.  Meditate upon this.  You will find the solution to be a simple one.  Return in another two days’ time.”_

Hux sighed and rose to his feet.  He checked himself for any bleeding.  Nothing, this time, though Ren, removing his mask did not seem to have fared so well.  Hux thought within the safe layers of his mental fortress, ‘He deserved worse…’

Ren wiped his nose and mouth, staring at Hux, “It’s a shame you aren’t sensitive to the Force.  Your focus would have made you an excellent Jedi.”

“Not a Sith?” asked Hux quizzically, “I thought you said I was surrounded by dark energy.”

“You are, but your thoughts are focused and orderly and you’re a very disciplined person.  You probably would have excelled in Jedi techniques.  You don’t have the emotional openness to be a Sith,” explained Ren, “Your desire for power and order is…substantial, but it’s the only one you’re willing to acknowledge.  The way you shut out your emotions and desires are very much like a Jedi.”

“It’s the only desire that matters,” said Hux.

Ren snorted back a laugh.  He reached into his robes and tossed Hux a bloodied cap badge, “Don’t worry, I did what you wanted.  Security is processing her right now.  She was going to start a fight with another private…and she wanted to touch your hair.”

Hux caught the badge, “Why are you giving these to me?  I get security reports, I don’t need you to bring me evidence.”

“They’re tokens,” said Ren, approaching and curling Hux’s fingers around the badge, “To show that I can protect you, and how much I love you.”

Hux viewed them as a personal failing, a sign that the training system was flawed.  Ren had collected more than ten little tokens for Hux now.  Even if it had just been one, it was too high a number for Hux’s liking.  Ren held his hand closed around Hux’s, “You don’t need anybody else.  I’ll keep you safe.”

“That rune you wrote, what was it, anyways?” asked Hux.

Ren buried his face in Hux’s neck and whispered, sending shivers down Hux’s back, “There’s no proper translation.  The closest Standard can come to it is…one who defiles something pure.”

Hux flushed slightly, both from the words and from proximity.  So this was not just about Ren guarding his perceived territory.  That was still a large part of it but it had taken a new, sickening twist.  Ren was no longer merely preoccupied with other people entertaining thoughts about him and punishing them for it.  The knight was interpreting it as an infringement on Hux’s incidental chastity.  And while the trooper in question had what sounded like a vivid fantasy, Ren’s reaction made one thing frighteningly clear.  Ren had put a very specific claim on his so-called ‘purity’ and destroyed anyone who dared defile what he felt entitled to.  More than that, Ren obviously had developed a fixation on it, like a child obsessing over what he was not allowed to have.  Hux scowled to himself, had he accidentally instilled a new obsession in Ren?

Perhaps playing the modest virgin was finally starting to backfire.

Hux kept his eyes on their hands.  Ren stroked his hands with his thumbs, “It’s been a few days.  Can I kiss you…touch you a little…”

Hux sighed, “I have another meeting soon…it’s a bad time…”

Ren purred into his ear, pushing him lightly to make him sit on the conference table, “I can be quick, and I’ll be careful with you…”

“Did you speak with Captain Phasma?” asked Hux quickly, “I won’t do this or give you any pictures unless you formally apologize to her.”

Kylo groaned, “I don’t want to talk to her.”

“Why not?” demanded Hux.

“I can feel her…judging me, hating me.  She doesn’t understand us.  She thinks I’m hurting you, but I’m not.  You love me, but she doesn’t know that,” said Kylo, sounding frustrated, “You should tell her about us.”

“We don’t need to do that,” said Hux staunchly.

“We do!” snapped Kylo, slamming his palms on either side of Hux’s legs, “She thinks I’m beating you, Hux!  She thinks I…I raped you.  But if I tell her I didn’t she won’t believe me.  But if you say it she’ll have to believe you.”

“I won’t do that,” said Hux.  Ren wanted him to tell Phasma that they were in love?  That what Ren had been doing was consensual?  It wasn’t.  He hated it.  He hated the whole thing.

“Call her here or send a message and tell her,” said Ren, almost at the point of growling.

“No,” Hux snapped, shoving Ren back.

“Do it,” snarled Ren, “At least tell her I didn’t rape you.  She thinks about that a lot.  You want to know what she thinks?”  Ren reached out and grabbed his hair.  Hux winced and hissed as he was held closer, “She thinks I hit you, hold you down, make you cry…like you can’t protect yourself.”

It was the first time Ren had gone for that angle.  Usually he simpered about their so called love and threatened to hurt Hux if he didn’t comply.  This was different, worse.  These were his worst fears coming true.  If Phasma thought he was weak than surely other members of his crew did as well.  And if they thought he was weak, he had no idea what they would do.  Given the choice between love and fear with his men, Hux tried to straddle the line between them.  He made himself imposing, but not heartless, trying to be fair so as to foster loyalty from everyone placed beneath him.

Knowledge that he was weak was not going to help him.  It would make his crew either pity or lose respect for him.  He couldn’t risk that.  The First Order was a military.  It was built on respect for strength.  Weakness was not tolerated.  If it was generally thought that he couldn’t defend himself…

And Ren gave him the means to make all that go away.  If he was having some sort of rough rendezvous, then all the bloody lips and bruises and shakiness could be explained away.  He wasn’t being weak, in fact, people might respect him more if he had a lover.  For whatever reason other men seemed to think an active sex life was a sign of masculinity.

He took out his datapad and scrolled through the functions, “I can’t let you now…I’ll give the picture to you later.”

Ren waited as the call was finally placed.  Phasma’s voice came clearly over the com, _‘This is Captain Phasma.’_

“Are you alone?” asked Hux.

There was a moment of silence, _‘Yes, sir.  I’m in the morgue.  NF-6843 is about to be spaced.’_

As was the usual practice for traitors, getting jettisoned like trash.  Hux spoke slowly, “I’m with Lord Ren…he offers his condolences.”

_‘Condolences aren’t necessary over traitors.  I apologize for not detencing his intent sooner.  Had I known, I would have stopped him.’_

Hux nodded as Ren stared at him, mouthing instructions at him.  Hux took a deep breath, “Lord Ren was…protecting me.  We have an arrangement.  Please don’t interfere with it.”

He recalled Ren’s threat, to get rid of anyone who got between them.  That obviously meant Phasma as well.  In addition to his reputation, Hux couldn’t risk Phasma.  He didn’t like risking any of his command team, but least of all Phasma.  Her voice came over the coms, _‘Sir…I’m not sure I can comply with that.  This arrangement clearly isn’t good for your-’_

“He’s fine,” snapped Kylo, “He’s sick of your assumptions.  He wants you to stay out of this.”

Hux couldn’t believe the interruption.  Ren speaking for him, like he was the Knight’s property, like Ren had the right to decide what he wanted or needed.  Hux was so stunned he could only stare at the knight as silence filled the room.  Kylo growled into the com, “He told me to say sorry for undermining you.  I’ll notify you before I take out any traitors the rest of you failed to identify.”

“Don’t talk to her that way,” snapped Hux, “I said I wanted a good apology out of you.  You’re the one in the wrong here, not her.”

Kylo looked down at Hux and leaned in close.  He spoke clearly and deliberately, “I’m sorry I punished him without your knowledge or input.”

Hux pursed his lips before he called out, trying to remain stoic, “I’m very sorry for this incident, Captain.”

“Tell her,” Kylo whispered.

Hux ground his teeth and pressed his fingers into his palms, “And I don’t want any interference.  I must have given you the wrong impression.”

Phasma didn’t reply.  What was happening must have been horribly obvious.  Ren being in the same room as him, telling Hux what to say, he probably sounded like a battered housewife.  There was nothing he could do about it though.  If he refused, Ren would hurt him and he wouldn’t be able to work.  If he didn’t tell Phasma not to interfere, he might lose his head Stormtrooper.  This was the soundest move to make, and he hated it.  He hated it so much.

_“Should my interference ever be needed, please alert me at once.”_

She wasn’t backing down.  Hux could tell by her tone.  If he knew Phasma like he thought he did, Hux knew she would mind her orders until given the signal to act.  She was just waiting for him to say it, say that he wanted her to do something, to help him…

But he couldn’t do that.  He couldn’t ask for help.  He wasn’t weak like that.  He didn’t want to degrade himself by asking…

“He’s fine,” Kylo said warmly, “I take care of him.  Tell her Hux.  I watch out for him, I take care of him when he’s sick, I protect him…”

Hux shuddered as Ren released his hair and stroked it apologetically.  Hux spoke quickly, “You’re excused Captain.  I once again apologize for the lack of communication regarding the execution.”

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

General Hux rounded on Anorlost, "What did I say about shirking your duties?" 

"B-but..." the writer protested lamely, "Gay vampires?" 

"That excuse accounts for nothing," growled Hux. 

"No, seriously, check it out," said Anorlost. 

And quite suddenly the two of them found themselves in an old, Eastern European castle with vampire Kylo Ren.  Hux stared up at the vampire, eyes wide as he was approached.  Vampire Kylo, for his part, approached the General and greeted him cheerfully, "Hello, darling." 

"Which one of us is he calling 'darling?'" asked Hux, fingering the hilt of his blaster. 

"Why, you, darling," said Kylo, frowning as he drew closer, "And what happened to your hair?  Oh darling, why would you ever dream of cutting it?" 

"He's making me uncomfortable," Hux whispered out the side of his mouth. 

"You're unwell?  I'll have some tea sent for you.  Is there anything else you would like?" asked Kylo. 

"Wait...he'll listen to me and obey instructions?" asked Hux. 

"To a point," replied Anorlost with a shrug. 

Hux started slightly before admitting, "Gay vampires are amazing..." 


	22. (S)he opened the door with greatest pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost sorry for dumping this on people on Christmas...um...I also wrote some fluff? I hope that makes it better.

It didn’t take Hux long to notice that he was being tailed.  His new stalkers were much more subtle than Ren, but they were present, and they were hardly undetectable.  He knew all of the Stormtrooper patrols, but it seemed that Phasma had altered them in an alarmingly specific way.  Every time he turned around he caught sight of a trooper nearby.  They didn’t seem to be interfering at all, just walking by at regular intervals.  Phasma was clearly keeping an eye on him, and Hux wasn’t sure what to think of it.  He had ordered Phasma not to become involved, for her own safety as well as that of her troopers.  He felt that his rank and reasoning ought to be reason enough for her to follow orders, and it irked him that Phasma wasn’t listening. 

And yet, whenever he saw someone in white armour go by, he felt himself being able to breathe a sigh of relief.  It was the first time he’d felt able to do so since Ren had returned to the ship. 

Until he recalled the dead trooper. 

Ren wasn’t the most unbiased source for information, but he began to wonder how many of his crew had an interest in him.  He’d assumed there might be a few, statistically it was bound to happen.  He knew people had their fantasies and thoughts, but he’d never given any thought to the possibility that they would be so…serious and degrading.  He’d heard all the jokes and baudy declarations before, but he’d never heard, up until then, of any of them acting on it.  If Ren was correct, there could be more.  There could be others on the ship who wanted to hurt him. 

Hux wondered if this was part of Ren’s plan, or if he was giving the knight too much credit.  It was possible that the knight was trying to make him second guess his own men.  It would make him more and more dependant on Kylo for protection if a wedge was placed between Hux and everyone else on the Finalizer.  Hux knew he should trust his men.  It had only been one incident, unlikely to happen again, but it was hard not to wonder what others might be thinking, if they might have plans.  Ren had said he would act if he sensed anything, so surely he was safe… 

Hux sighed.  He tried to think of who on the ship he could trust.  Phasma, that was for certain.  Mitaka…that was two for certain, and the most important to know he could trust.  Flax could be trusted as well, though if Ren became much more zealous she would soon be in danger as well.  Hopefully her little infatuation could be quelled easily.  Having to make someone fall out of love with him was a problem Hux never dealt with before, and could only hope Flax would use her better judgement and make the feeling go away. 

Of course, if he could make Ren’s feelings go away, everything would be so much simpler.  In the meantime, the knight wanted a picture.  Hux took one, and then received a message saying it wasn’t ‘right.’  Hux had no idea what was wrong with it.  It was a headshot, an unprofessional one, but the image was clear, his features were visible and the background wasn’t distracting.  He would never submit it for an identification holo, but it seemed to be alright. 

As usual, the knight saw fit to correct him.  The last thing he wanted was to enter Ren’s private quarters, but admittedly, a part of Hux was curious.  There was no better way to analyze a person than to look through the place where they spent their private time.  A lot could be gleamed from objects, levels of neatness, what was considered valuable and what wasn’t.  Part of him foolishly hoped he might spot something, a sort of weakness he might be able to use for leverage.  He had no idea what that might be, but he hoped that there might be something. 

He was about to knock on the door when it opened.  Ren, maskless, looked at him with a sort of expression Hux had never seen before.  The knight looked strangely giddy, with a broad smile on his face.  He held the door open for Hux, “I’ve been waiting, come in.” 

Hux arched his brow and peered inside, taking a cautious step before entering.  The only thing he really recognized were the walls, which were the same in any private room on the ship.  The furniture was different though.  Hux supposed Ren’s rank afforded him the right to furnish his rooms in any way he chose, provided it was all safe and bolted down in case of a gravitational malfunction or turbulence.  Most officers went with whatever was standard and regulation, as a sort of unspoken rule.  Anything remotely luxurious was looked down upon as being too excessive, too much like the New Republic. 

Ren hadn’t been raised among officers, so he might not have known that.  Hux took a moment to study the sitting room.  The chairs seemed to have much more padding than Hux thought necessary, and the couch was quite long.  The small table between them all was ornate, but very, very scuffed.  There were a pair of cups on the table, almost reminiscent of old Naboo culture in their design.  Ren closed the door behind him and announced, “I made you tea.” 

Hux moved away slightly.  This was far too civil for Ren, there had to be some sort of catch.  The knight wouldn’t just invite him in for tea, take his picture and allow Hux to leave.  More than that, nobody Hux had ever known was nice just for the sake of it.  Everyone wanted something in exchange for their civility.  And Ren’s extatic expression just put Hux all the more on edge. 

The knight seemed to answer his question as he mumbled shyly, “I’ve never…had a guy I like in my room before…” 

Never?  That was interesting.  Hux supposed that people who didn’t grow up in military facilities would have extremely active social lives.  Even at that, Ren had proven that he was perfectly able to badger someone he ‘liked’ into entering his rooms.  The knight was twenty-five.  Hux had thought that surely at some point in his teenage years Ren must have had a relationship with someone.  How else had he gotten all of these ridiculous notions?  He couldn’t have been the first person Ren had fallen in love with. 

“We can sit together,” said Ren, pointing at the couch, “Um…maybe you’re hungry?  I could get you something to eat.  I keep some things I like in my storage units.” 

Hux wondered if this was anything like what people did when they were courting.  Ren clearly seemed to be trying to emulate something. 

The knight bit his lip slightly and looked away, “I’m sorry I pulled your hair…but could you say something?” 

Hux remembered the Helden and how something had been slipped into his drink.  It was best not to ingest anything he hadn’t thoroughly inspected or prepared himself.  Hux shook his head, “I don’t need anything right now.” 

Ren seemed slightly disappointed, but undeterred, “Oh…that’s alright.  Let’s just sit then.” 

“You said the holo-pic I made was wrong,” said Hux, matter of factly, moving towards the couch at a brisk pace, trying to betray no emotion, “What was wrong with it?” 

Ren followed, moving behind Hux and standing there as he replied, “I know you wouldn’t want to make anything risqué.  I would never give it out, but I know devices can be hacked.  The last thing I’d want is anyone seeing you like that.” 

Hux paused, waiting for Ren to move.  He didn’t.  Hux muttered quietly, “What are you doing?” 

Hux cringed as he heard a slight sniffle.  Then the knight replied, “N-nothing.  Here.” 

Ren offered his hand.  Hux tried not to scowl at the gesture, an old one used in mostly patriarchal societies, where a man offered a hand or arm so a woman could support herself and sit down.  The knight seemed to enjoy degrading him in subtle ways like that.  Hux took the hand and sat down, wanting to get this overwith as quickly as possible.  He couldn’t help being sidetracked by how strange the seat beneath him felt though.  It was soft, and sunk in around him slightly.  Hux didn’t fell particularly well supported, but for some reason it felt comfortable.  He almost enjoyed the way he sank into the couch.  It was warm as well.  Unfortunately, like everything else, it didn’t take long for his co-commander to ruin it.  Ren moved and sat beside him eagerly.  Looking Hux over with excited, sparkling eyes. 

“You didn’t answer,” said Hux, when he finally conjured up the nerve to speak again, “What was wrong with the image?” 

“I said I wanted one of you that was private,” Ren tried to explain, “It doesn’t have to be racy, it just…I’d like it to be a side of you that nobody else gets to see.” 

That was a small comfort at least.  Ren didn’t want him half dressed and posing like some pin-up girl fixed to a cadet’s foot locker.  The knight continued, “It’s okay if you’re camera-shy.  We could take one together.” 

Hux nodded.  It was just a picture.  One image that would hopefully keep Ren at bay for a while.  Then the knight added, “Of course…you can keep holos on a secure drive.  The technology is a bit older, but it’s better than keeping it on some sort of cloud that anyone can access.  We could use one of those.” 

“I don’t want to do that,” insisted Hux. 

“Nothing bad just…if you sat on my bed?  You don’t have to do anything else.  It’s enough if you’re just sitting there and I know it’s mine,” explained the knight.  He gave a slight, nervous laugh, “Besides, taking your clothes off is too complicated.  Too many straps and clasps.  We’d be here all night.” 

Hux thanked the stars that whoever designed the First Order uniforms had made them ludicrously elaborate.  Hopefully they would remain far too complicated for Ren to want to forcibly remove them.  If they did, it would save him the constant worry of the knight trying to forcibly strip him.  Just sitting on a bed…nobody who saw the picture ought to be able to tell who’s bed it was.  Compared to what might have been asked of him, the request was quite tame. 

None the less, Hux tried not to think of what Ren might do with the picture.  Images still came to mind though, Ren bringing up the holo to stroke it, touch it, touch himself as he looked over it… 

“It’s okay, I really don’t want to risk anyone else seeing you that way,” Ren tried to assure him, “It’s…I like being the only one.  I like that it makes things more special.  I wouldn’t want to ruin that because some file or another got leaked onto the holonet.” 

Hux cringed once more as he felt a warm and very solid arm drape around him.  He hated how well-built the knight was.  As if his mystic powers weren’t enough, Ren’s sheer size was intimidating.  Hux recalled seeing him naked and couldn’t force the thought from his mind.  Despite nearly being the same height, Ren was twice as broad.  Hux was confident in his training, and knew if it came down to it than he could defend himself, but with Ren’s powers thrown into the mix he would be defenseless.  It just drove home how small and defenceless he felt, especially here where nobody was allowed in.  Not even cleaning staff.  If something happened nobody would be coming in to assist him. 

“You…this thing you have going on, with not having sex.  It’s frustrating, but I like it. It makes it feel like you’ve been waiting your whole life for me,” said Kylo. 

Hux resisted the urge to correct him.  It wasn’t about chastitiy at all.  While not having sex had certainly been his choice, one Hux felt caused less complications and distractions, he’d never wanted sex.  He relieved himself, when necessary, and after every time he thought of what a colossal waste of time it had been.  Sometimes he had dreams, or thoughts would creep into his mind, mostly of sensations he might like to feel, but he’d never been able to imagine a partner.  He wasn’t attracted to anyone, so all Hux really had to go on in terms of what he was attracted to was a combination of ideas and animal urges.  When he had thought, knowing he would likely have to produce an heir someday, of who he might enjoy sex with and nobody came to mind. 

When he had been younger it had been alarming.  Mostly because his sexuality had been so difficult to pin down.  How exactly did one detect the absence of something that was normally described as normal and healthy?  Did this mean he was abnormal and diseased?  It took some time, ruling out all possible types of attraction to males, females, even non-humanoids before Hux concluded that he simply didn’t experience sexual attraction.  Apparently he could become aroused, his body still had urges, but he didn’t see anyone as attractive and wasn’t attracted to any specific traits.  It was like being hungry without the ability to taste and trying to choose something to eat.  Taste wouldn’t matter, so all that was left was to make a decision based on something else. 

He certainly hadn’t been waiting his whole life for Ren.  Or anyone for that matter.  His sexuality made his virginity purely incidental and Ren was reading far too much into it.  So much so that it had become more than uncomfortable.  At first it had been like a shield, a trump card that Hux could use when Ren got out of hand.  Now it was a fetish, something Ren had somehow become attracted to.  Why?  What on earth was so attractive about celibacy?  Hux was hardly a blushing virgin maid that most cultures held up as idealistic.  He would have thought that others would prefer an experienced partner over someone who had no idea what to do once the bedroom door closed. 

“Can I…tell you something?” asked Kylo. 

Hux knew he didn’t have much of a choice, but he nodded anyhow.  At least he could feel like he had a say in whatever action the knight took next.

Ren shifted next to him, pulling Hux against his chest, “I just…sensed you being confused and…it’s not…”  Ren paused as he gathered his thoughts, “It’s not like when other people fetishize virgins.  I don’t…I mean, I don’t hate that I’ll have to explain things to you, or that I get to be your first.  I like those things.” 

Hux squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pretend he hadn’t heard that.  It was still so presumptive.  Like it was a foregone conclusion that he was going to give himself to the knight.  Hux knew it was true; the Supreme Leader had practically gift wrapped him for Ren, nobody would be coming to his aid in this.  He didn’t want it to be true though.  Of all the things the future might hold for him, Hux had never wanted this to be one of them.  Still, he had known it would.  Not like this, but he knew eventually he would have to have sex with someone…  

“But…I knew a couple, a long time ago.  I don’t…I don’t really think they were faithful to each other,” explained Ren, “I was close with them, and I suspected for a while.  I know this isn’t the same, but it’s like…it feels like you were being faithful to me even before I met you.  It’s strange to think but…it’s a little like you were destined for me.” 

Or Hux just so happened to be asexual, which just so happened to lead to his disinterest in having sexual relations, which just so happened to make him a virgin, which Ren just so happened to find attractive.  Destiny and fate had nothing to do with it.  If Hux had been destined for anything it was to serve the Order and conquer the galaxy.  It was what he had been made for, bred for, trained to accomplish since birth.  He’d been told, if he survived, he would do great things.  His destiny had never been to be a play thing to some overgrown child. 

“I’m not a virgin but…there are still things I’m doing for the first time with you,” said Kylo.  He leaned forward, dragging Hux down with him for a moment as he picked up his mug, “I’ve never done this before.  I wanted to, but either I never met anyone, or I didn’t have a place I was living permanently.  It’s nice…I like this.” 

That made one of them.  Ren took a sip and pulled Hux in closer, “You…you smell really good today.  And I really am sorry about pulling your hair.” 

Hux recalled the sensation of a large hand lacing through his short hair and closing into a fist.  It had hurt, not as much as many other things, but it had been painful.  It had felt like his scalp was being torn, the knight’s grip had been so strong.  Ren’s hand moved, sliding sickeningly slow up Hux’s arm to lace into his hair again.  Hux braced himself for it to be pulled again, though it never came.  Ren traced little circles into the scalp, scratching lightly and massaging.  Hux felt warm lips being pressed to his hair as the knight muttered, “I didn’t mean for it to hurt.  Are you mad?” 

Of course he was mad.  Hux supposed it would have been too much for Ren to apologize without making some awful excuse about not meaning for something to hurt or not intending to damage something else.  Clearly the knight had meant to pull his hair, wrench his head downwards, and hold him in place until Phasma was told to stand down.  He wasn’t even denying it.  The knight was just upset that he hadn’t gotten away with it. 

Still, it was an apology.  Ren was at least acknowledging that his behaviour was unpleasant in some way.  It left an opening.  An opportunity to make it clear that the apology was a desired behaviour and pulling hair wasn’t. 

It didn’t sicken Hux quite so much this time.  Before on the Helden he’d just been- no, nearly been compromised.  It hadn’t been sex.  It hadn’t.  None the less, it was far easier to put the hair pulling out of his mind than it was being insulted after being held down and molested.  Hux leaned back against Ren, causing the knight to gasp slightly.  Hux wasn’t sure what exactly it was appropriate to offer in this instance, but he needed to make sure Ren would equate good behaviour with rewards.  If Hux could manage that, hopefully Ren would start using ‘good’ behaviour in the hopes of getting what he wanted. 

Hux turned in slightly, moving his arm slightly around Ren’s shoulders and resting the other on the knight’s leg.  Hux sighed, and as much as it bruised his pride he replied, “Thank you…it hurt a lot.” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Ren whispered, pulling him in tighter, “I just get mad and…it happens.” 

“Like the insects and animals you told me about,” said Hux quietly. 

“Yeah…you understand, right?  I don’t try to hurt them.  Most of them I liked I just…I didn’t know or I got mad, or something would happen and…you know I don’t mean to do it right?  It was an accident,” said Ren. 

It was hardly an accident, but Hux replied, “And now you know it hurts and I don’t like it, so you won’t do that to me again, will you?” 

“I’ll try…” said the knight, which Hux supposed was the best response he could have hoped for.  He squeezed a little tighter before asking, “This isn’t too tight?” 

“No…” replied Hux quietly, “Why do you ask?”

“A long time ago…I accidentally crushed something.  I wanted to hug it and…it was another accident,” Ren explained quietly.  He nuzzled against Hux, “I’m so glad…you aren’t like them, you try to understand.  You’re so good.” 

“I thought I was teeming with dark energy,” muttered Hux. 

The knight let out a sniff of laughter, “Dark doesn’t mean evil you know.  I’ve seen plenty of light Force-users I wouldn’t describe as good.” 

He pulled back and Hux noticed that bizarre nervous and excited look again, “And…since you understand so much, I think I can show you.  I know you won’t think its strange…” 

Hux hoped he hadn’t done something to indicate interest in another perversion.  He still had no idea how Ren had decided that Hux had declared his love for him.  The knight had been snivelling and Hux said something to try to calm him down.  What was it?  That was right, he had said, ‘I know,’ because the knight was repeating himself and somehow, something that he had either said or done at that moment made Ren think that Hux had indicated that his feelings were returned. 

Ren offered his hand again and Hux accepted, finding it better not to upset the knight now that he was slightly more peaceable.  The knight kept looking back as he approached a door, one that wasn’t in any other quarters.  Hux recalled approving modifications for Ren’s room, after having it explained that the knight required a space for meditation and mental training exercises.  He’d never been inside though.  He had never cared to learn what Ren did inside the little space. 

Ren smiled brightly and the doors opened.  Hux looked inside and his heart nearly stopped. 

There was a helmet on a sort of pedestal.  It was warped and crushed, but what it had been was still obvious.  Hux clasped a hand over his mouth in pure shock.  Darth Vader.  He was starting through a doorway at Darth Vader’s helmet.  He supposed being a Sith Lord, it would be considered a relic to anyone with those sorts of religious leanings.  Hux couldn’t help gaping behind his hand.  He had thought that the helmet and everything else associated with Vader had disappeared after the battle of Endor. 

“Ren…how did you get that?” asked Hux, after a moment’s stunned silence, “I thought it was destroyed.” 

“It was important to me,” explained the knight, “I searched a long time for it.  It was all I could find.  It’s alright, you can look.” 

Hux felt a hand at the small of his back nudge him closer to the entrance.  He took a small step forward and noticed the helmet in a pile of ashes.  Hux stared up at Ren, “Those aren’t his, are they?” 

Ren let out a short laugh and Hux saw him shake his head as the knight approached the pedestal, “No, not his.  I know you’ll understand.  I thought…if he was here, if he could see, he’d be proud.  So I bring these for him to see.”  Ren playfully dipped a finger into the pool of ash before blowing it off, watching it swirl into the air, “It’s all that’s left of my enemies.”

Hux felt sick.  He’d seen dead bodies before, but not like this.  Not as part of some insane shrine to a dead sith lord in the hopes that the display would make him proud.  It was preposterous.  But he couldn’t think that, or show it.  He couldn’t risk Ren getting angry.  Nobody would come to help him here.  Hux squared his shoulders and tried to ignore the fact that the helmet was resting on a pile of burnt offerings.  On its own, it was impressive.  The fact that Ren had tracked this down on his own showed some skill, some determination and some reverence for someone else.  Hux tried to focus on that, just the helmet. 

“I almost can’t believe it’s real…” said Hux quietly. 

“It’s real, trust me,” said Ren, “I’d be able to tell if it wasn’t.” 

Hux moved a little closer.  He tried to pretend that the ashes weren’t a bizarre sort of offering.  Hux knew plenty of people who kept trophies from battles or assassins who tok souveniers from their targets as proof.  This shouldn’t bother him.  He’d seen plenty of dead bodies, held them, touched them, smelled rotting flesh around him.  This was just more of that, like background noise.  It was unexpected, it was in a place he wouldn’t have thought to look for it, but it wasn’t really worthy of attention.  Hux ignored the dust as best he could and looked over the helmet.  He’d seen relics from the Empire before, but nothing as impressive as this.  He ought to take it in regardless of circumstances. 

“So this is all that’s left of Darth Vader…” mumbled Hux. 

“Not quite,” said Ren, “He was trained as a Jedi Knight.  When they die, there’s a technique they can use to stay connected to us through the Force.  He’s still out there.” 

Ghosts.  Ren was talking about ghosts.  And yet…that was probably the sanest thing the man had said in quite some time.  With all the mystic powers at work in the universe; telepathy, telekinesis, healing, why shouldn’t there be ghosts?  Luke Skywalker, an enemy General, was said to have attributed part of his victory to the mentorship of Obiwan Ken-Obi, who had communicated with him even after death.  Some of Hux’s tutors had said this was because the Rebel General had been insane, but those who acknowledged the Force were less quick to jump to such conclusions. 

Ren touched Hux’s arm lightly, “I think he’d like you…” 

“I don’t recall him liking Imperial Officers very much,” said Hux, recalling his history lessons and statistics on how many of his own Lord Vader had killed or injured.  If Lord Vader had been alive, Hux would have been happy to avoid being asphyxiated. 

“Only the bad ones,” said Ren with a grin, his hand beginning to circle Hux’s bicep. 

The knight may as well have been saying, ‘come’ and ‘heel.’  Hux allowed himself to be pulled away, taking a last look at the helmet.  He couldn’t believe such a priceless artifact had been brought onto his ship without his knowledge.  He also hadn’t been able to believe that his crew had developed a system for using supply closets for illicit rendezvous.  It made him wonder what else people on his ship had been doing without him knowing anything about it. 

He wondered if what he had been doing had escaped observation. 

Ren brought him to another room, one Hux recognized the layout for, but not the decore.  Hux’s own bed was a simple one.  A matress large enough for two to occupy and two pillows.  From what Hux had understood it was because officers in the past had been much older, and married.  So in the past when wives or husbands had come for a prolonged visit, larger beds were needed and somewhere along the line it had become tradition and considered a privilege for those who had worked to achieve their rank. 

If Hux’s bed was simple, but large enough to accommodate a partner, Ren’s was massive.  Hux thought he might drown in it, the thing was so massive.  The fabric on the bed, which was yet to be made, shimmered slightly as Hux approached.  He wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything like it before, not in person.  He had read about fabrics that could do that. 

He heard a noise and turned in time to see Ren slam a drawer and look over at Hux in shock.  The General pursed his lips.  He hadn’t been paying attention to the night table and hadn’t seen anything strange on it.  Obviously there had to have been something there. 

“It’s…something I use when I’m alone,” said Ren quietly. 

Hux nodded and turned his attention back to the bad, “Do you really need one this big?” 

“It’s comfortable,” said Ren, “Try it.  They aren’t hard like the other ones.” 

After having mentioned that Ren kept things in his room that he used when he was alone, Hux wasn’t terribly keen on touching the bed.  The knight probably touched himself there and now this was going to feed into one of his fantasies.  He didn’t want to think of the knight lying down after he left, touching where he had laid or sat and stars- _smelling_ it. 

Ren crossed the room and sat on the bed, looking up at Hux, “It doesn’t bite.  Just try it.” 

Hux moved forward and shut his eyes.  He would just have to stop thinking about it.  One picture and Ren would give him a little more room to breathe.  It was just a picture and it would be over.  Whatever happened to the picture after was nobody’s business.  He didn’t have to think about it.  Hux turned and sat down, resisting the urge to jump as the matress sank beneath him, just like the couch.  The shimmering fabric was soft and cool underneath him.  It felt so strange, and Hux was almost appaulled by how much he liked it. 

“It’s funny when you pretend not to like something,” scoffed Ren.  Hux was about to chastise him when he noticed a datapad soaring across the room towards the knight’s waiting palm.  This was it, but it would be alright.  It was only a picture.  Ren held up the pad and looked at the screen, tapping a few things, swiping a few others before he fixed his eyes on the screen.  He looked at Hux from overtop of the screen, “Maybe…sit by the pillows?” 

Hux glanced up towards the head of the bed where the pillows were.  There were three.  Who on earth even needed three?  Hux tried to focus on that as he moved.  The sooner this was over, the sooner he could leave.  He sat at the head of the bed and watched Ren. 

The knight shook his head, “You still look uptight.” 

Hux had no idea what Ren wanted and it frustrated him.  The knight edged closer, “Here, lie against the pillows, I’ll help you.” 

“Ren, you asked me to sit on your bed, I’m sitting on your bed.  That should be enough,” protested Hux, rising to his feet. 

Hux felt himself being shoved back.  Ren loomed over him, one hand on either side of the General’s head and a frighteningly playful expression on his face as he teased, “Fiesty.” 

Hux gritted his teeth, “Did you just push me with your powers?” 

“It was just for fun.  It didn’t hurt,” said Ren, reaching for Hux’s face. 

Hux sealed his eyes shut and jerked his head away.  He hadn’t agreed to this.  He didn’t want to be touched.  He was about to shout when he felt fingers in his hair, pulling it out of place, ruffling it, making a mess of it so it fell down into his face.  When the movements stopped he looked up at Kylo, panting.  Hux hadn’t realized how hard he was breathing and how fast his heart was pounding until he opened his eyes and saw Ren, calm and quizzical, staring down at him. 

“There,” purred the knight, cupping Hux’s face, “Just like that.”  Hux froze as he felt the top few clasps if his tunic coming undone, “Just like that…” 

Hux was so fixated on Ren that he didn’t hear a soft noise, mimicking a shutter.  He began to catch them as they clicked in rapid succession.  Once he noticed Hux growled, “You must have gotten one you like, let me up Kylo, I have to leave.” 

The knight looked hurt, “You just got here…we don’t usually get to spend any time together like this.” 

“I didn’t know you wanted that.  I thought I was just coming here to clear up some questions,” said Hux.  The answer was honest, and didn’t make mention of the fact that this, these pictures, were making him inexplicably frightened.  Hux closed his eyes, “I gave you what you wanted.  I know I work a lot and that’s why I let you take the pictures.  That was the deal.  You have the pictures so I can work.” 

“You can’t just show up here and leave…you can’t tease like that,” countered Ren, once again looming over him, “You’re…you’re the first I let in here.  I showed you things I haven’t shown anyone else.  You can’t leave yet.” 

Hux seemed to recall Ren stalking up behind him, freezing him, touching him, and then leaving, giving no thought to anything but his own desires.  Hux tried to argue, “And I’m flattered…but I didn’t know.  I’m expected elsewhere.”  With some difficulty he added, “I made a mistake.  It’s an accident, I didn’t mean to.” 

He thought using Ren’s own words would help, but they didn’t.  They only seemed to make him angrier.  Ren growled, “Seems you’ll put all your thought into anything but me.” 

“I made a mistake, I didn’t know you wanted me here longer,” Hux repeated. 

“And how are you going to make up for your mistake,” asked Ren.  Hux gasped as he felt fingers ghost over his exposed throat.  He had to think of something.  If not Ren would declare something and he would be forced to comply with it. 

“Make a vid,” said Hux, “It can’t be explicit…just in case someone finds it.”

“And you’ll come back,” ordered Ren, “You’ll come here again and…we’ll do it right.  No excuses.” 

Hux pursed his lips before agreeing, “No excuses…” 

“Good,” said the knight, picking up the datapad.  He looked down and Hux could feel dark eyes raking over his body.  Hux followed the knight’s eyes to the datapad and saw a red light, indicating a recording in progress. 

Ren lowered the datapad along his body, then back up again, as if he was scanning it.  Hux saw the pad hovering over his face as the knight commanded, “Lick your lips.” 

Hux didn’t understand why he wanted that, but he complied, wetting his lips with his tongue and pursing them, not realizing how dry they had become.  A large hand cupped his cheek and the pad of a thumb ghosted over his lips.  Ren murmured, “You feel so good…” 

It was then that Hux noticed the knight was straddling him.  He remembered the pose, the one that the training dummy had taken during the defence against sexual assault simulation.  Hux knew what would happen if he fought though.  He wouldn’t get two steps beyond the bedroom door before Ren caught him again.  And then what?  Nothing good, that was for certain. 

“Kylo…” Hux said, trying to stay calm so he could find a way out of this. 

“Turn your head,” said Kylo, practically doing it for Hux as he pushed his head to the side with a massive hand, trailing down his cheek to his throat, “You look good like this too…” 

“Is that enough?” asked Hux, “Is that all you need?” 

“I still need you to come back.  Nothing bad will happen, we’ll just sit and talk, the way you like,” replied Ren. 

Hux couldn’t recall ever liking their talks, but he would take a conversation over an attempt at ‘pleasing’ him any day.  Ren moved the datapad to the side, “It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid, I’m not angry anymore.  You tried to fix it.  It’s alright Hux…” 

“I have a meeting…” said Hux quietly. 

He heard a tone from his own datapad.  He kept eyecontact with Ren as he fished it from his pocket. He looked at the message, barely able to believe his luck as he explained, “Its security.  I was late and they want me to respond so they don’t start a wild Nerf-chase looking for me.” 

“I guess you should leave before they tear the ship apart then,” groaned Ren, clearly not pleased as he pulled away.  He pressed something on his datapad and Hux saw a holovid of himself playing.  He felt sick when he saw Ren touching the smaller version of himself and purring, ‘You feel so good…’ 

“Goodbye then,” said Hux hurriedly, choking back bile.  He knew exactly what Ren was going to do with that image.  He hated that he knew.  He tried to convince himself that the knight was just going to gawk at it, but he couldn’t force himself to be that naïve. Ren had taken a holo of him being touched against his will, and the knight was going to masturbate to it.  Hux tried to convince himself it wouldn’t happen, but as he turned and caught Ren ogling the holo, creating loops of Hux gasping, he knew what would happen as soon as he left the room. 

“Hux,” said Ren, looking up, smiling shyly and looking away, “…you should come back sometime…just for tea?” 

Hux clenched his fists as he walked away, “I’ll think about it…” 

   ***  

“I wasn’t late you know.” 

Hux whispered the words as he passed Phasma on the bridge.  He leaned in close to her console, pretending to be examining something. 

“I don’t know what you mean, sir,” replied Phasma, opeining a file for Hux to pretend to read.  Something about a report in Sanitation. 

“I received a message that I was late for a meeting.  I wasn’t late.  I actually had half an hour of breathing room,” said Hux quietly, watching her from the corner of his eye. 

“I see, I must have made a mistake then.  Forgive me,” she replied stoically. 

Hux pursed his lips, remembering Ren on top of him, making that video…if he hadn’t received the message he wasn’t sure what the knight would have done.  Phasma was the only reason he had come out of that room with his mind and body intact.  How was he supposed to say that though?  How was he supposed to thank her?  He had been rescued, like a damsel in distress who couldn’t save herself.  When had he become someone who needed constant saving?  He didn’t like it, but he didn’t want to leave this alone.  Phasma had done him a favor, he at least owed her some sort of thanks. 

“Captain…” Hux began. 

“Don’t worry sir, I’ll endeavor to correct the error in the future.  Perhaps if I had access to your schedule, it would help to ensure such mistakes are not repeated,” said Phasma. 

Hux knew exactly what she wanted, and why.  He took out his datapad and tried to push that one rogue trooper from his mind.  This was Phasma.  If nobody else, he could trust Phasma.  He sighed and mumbled, hoping nobody overheard, “Sending the file now…thank you, Captain.” 

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

"So, you memorized my entire routine," observed Hux. 

"Indeed Sir, I felt it within my own and in Security's best interest if all your movements were made general knowledge.  We observed all your activities and made some notes," replied Phasma. 

Hux swallowed nervously before asking, "All of them?" 

"You've no habits you need to be ashamed about," said Phasma, "Even your...quirks...are quite tame by most standards." 

"...Quirks?" asked Hux, dreading the answer. 

"Yes Sir.  On Wednesdays at exactly twenty one hours and thirty minutes, you consume half a quart of strawberry ice cream and gain no weight.  Every woman and some men on a twenty foot radius burn with jealousy.  On Thursdays at the same time, just after your ship ends, you comb through the archives for cute kitten videos.  Ones involving purring are bookmarked.  In the private exercise rooms you list yourself as doing yoga, but you are in fact jazzercising-"

"Thank you, Captain, I feel so much less humiliated now," growled Hux. 

"It was my pleasure, sir.  Your Jazz-hand technique is flawless," said Phasma. 


	23. Go, go, go my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically an 'I'm not dead' update. Landed in Tokyo last night, ate some noodles and passed out. My hiatus was longer than expected. Moving was intense and some other crap came up. I'm probably not going to update next week, since I need time to adjust to a new time zone and get used to my new job. So in two weeks I should get to my next update. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for being so patient with me. Also the Bonus Stupidity from chapters 21 and 22 are up.

This…could not be happening. 

Ren had made a fair amount of progress in their mental training, though he was nowhere near perfect.  Hux could still find and expel him, though admittedly the finding part was becoming harder.  Hux was anticipating the session to end as it always had, with the Supreme Leader dismissing them and reminding them to return in two days’ time.  Then they would wipe their bloody noses, though once Kylo had bled from his ears, something Hux had been particularly proud of, and then they would leave.  Of course, if it also happened to be a day Ren required attention, Hux would linger a while and let the knight get it out of his system before leaving, feeling debauched and used as usual. 

Hux never expected the Supreme Leader to issue a command like this. 

 _“You will find a Jedi by the name of Aroka Vae-Tan on the planet Hathan.  He holds something of value.  You will obtain more information from him,”_ instructed the Supreme Leader. 

“Yes, Master,” said Ren. 

_“General Hux will accompany you.”_

Hux froze in his chair.  He wanted to question the soundness of the decision, he really felt he had to.  He was a General.  Ren could go about unmasked in civilian clothing with nobody the wiser, but him?  He was a high profile member of the First Order.  His appearance, mostly due to his hair, was instantly recognizable.  Hathan was a neutral planet, but even so, somebody would notice that General Hux was travelling off world.  That would tip this Jedi off for certain and make him steer clear.  Besides, hadn’t all of the Jedi been killed?  Weren’t there other Knights of Ren who would be better suited to this task?

_“As the only individual on this vessel with knowledge of how to repel a Force-User, as such you are the only one able to provide reinforcement.  Aroka is aware that his presence has been detected.  He may soon make efforts to flee the system.  You must move now.”_

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” said Hux, biting back a ‘but’ and another protest.  He was never trained as an agent to be sent on these sorts of missions.  Tracking and assassination were not his specialties.  He could, of course, probably strike this Jedi from miles away with a decent rifle and scope, but that was useless if someone spotted Hux and warned the Jedi that he was coming. 

His hair would have to be dyed, there was no getting around it.  He might have to scrounge for coloured contact lenses as well.  He would have to try to walk less tightly, force himself to slouch, but even at that, he did not feel confident in his ability to become undetectable.  There was also the question of how well Ren could track this Jedi without becoming distracted. 

With a soft click coming from the comlink, Ren surged forward and wrapped his arms around Hux, kneeling between his legs, “Hux…you know what this means, right?” 

Hux pushed at Ren’s chest, trying to remove him, “I have to get a shuttle ready, debrief the entire crew and throw a disguise together and a travel kit in less than twelve hours.” 

Ren purred, kissing Hux’s jaw and resting his hands on the General’s hips, “It’ll be just you and me…alone…maybe for weeks…I’ll have you all to myself.”

Hux’s eyes widened. 

“Think about it…nobody will know who we are.  No crew, no schedule, no cameras…I can touch you whenever I want.” 

Hux gripped the arms of the chair. 

“It’s been a long time since I got to play with you…not since the _Helden_.  I’ve been hoping for something like this to come along.”

Hux stood up suddenly, knocking Ren out of the way as he did, “I need to go.  Goodbye Kylo.” 

“Hux, wait,” said Ren, catching his arms and spinning Hux around.  He had his mask off.  His face was bloodied.  He was chewing his lip, “I know you’re nervous and I’m trying to give you lots of time and space but…you don’t touch me often and I have to jump through hoops to touch you.  I just worry…” 

“You should have bloody well thought of that before deciding you want to fuck an asexual,” Hux snapped. 

“Yeah, but, you’re making a really big deal out of this.  If it really meant nothing to you, if you were as indifferent as you act, you wouldn’t fight this much.  And you said you love me so I know it’s not that so…Hux…did…” Ren asked, moving his hands up to Hux’s shoulder and asking in a high, breathy voice, “Did someone…touch you?  Maybe threaten to…” 

Hux gritted his teeth.  The irony of Ren asking that was almost too cruel for him to handle.  Before Ren he had been an untouchable durasteel fortress.  Anyone who dared even so much as make an off colour comment was dealt with quickly and brutally as a show of force.  Anyone who dared insinuate he had performed favors for his position or was given special treatment because he was one of the Commandant’s Own was silenced quickly.  He had been untouchable.  The epitome of strength.  Ruthlessness and efficiency personified.  Bred for a superior intellect and trained for brutality.  Nobody would have dared treat him as a sex object. 

And then Ren had frozen him in that hallway and started fondling him.  It had shattered everything Hux thought he knew about his own strength. 

“If someone hurt you…” said Ren quietly, “I’ll get rid of them for you.” 

Hux sighed, “Kylo, what if I didn’t want sex?  Why not just stop here?  There’s no rule that says we have to take things further.  Is this not enough?” 

Ren looked him over quietly.  He seemed to be trying to process something, plucking his fingers along Hux’s uniform and chewing his lip.  He looked up at Hux, “I…really, really want you.  Can I show you?  I’ll project a little bit of it and maybe you’ll understand.” 

Hux braced himself as a thought entered his mind.  Then it took over his entire brain.  His whole body felt hot.  He saw himself through a strange lens.  There was darkness billowing thickly around him and all Hux could feel was an overpowering need to touch, kiss, press himself close and never ever let go.  Then it left.  Ren looked at the floor, “That’s…maybe a tenth of what I feel right now.  Hux…I really care about you and I’m holding back as best I can but…this is something that I need.” 

“If I said no, would you-”

“No, it needs to be you.  Look, we can talk about it, work things out, but you agreed to this…you promised I could have you,” said Ren.  Hux could recall making the deal under duress but never using the word ‘promise.’  There was also the looming threat of losing his command, punishment for not following orders to keep the knight entertained.  Ren spoke hesitantly, “I think…maybe being alone together…I can make you less nervous, get you used to it…I’ll be so g-”

“Gentle, I know,” said Hux quickly.  He wished his position did not hinge on entertaining this perverted child of a man.  He was a General, not a doll for Ren to play with.  The thought of the knight playing with a doll amused him slightly, bringing some slight amount of levity to distract Hux from the inevitable. 

“I know this is probably uncomfortable for you, that’s why I want to help…get you used to it.  You might never want me the way I want you but…this is how I can show I care about you,” said Ren, “I love you so I want to protect you, make you feel good, keep you close…” 

“I need to go,” repeated Hux, “The order came suddenly and I have a lot to get done before we can depart.” 

Ren let go and Hux pulled away.  Heading for the door.  Ren’s voice followed him, “Hux…you know I love you, right?” 

“Yes, I know,” said Hux quietly, settling his palm on the panel before leaving quickly. 

Making last-second arrangements for leaving had been hell.  It had been worse than hell.  It was chaos personified.  Meetings had to be cancelled.  Lieutenant Mitaka nearly fell over dead with anxiety when the bridge suddenly fell under his command with no warning.  A shuttle needed to be prepped for several days’ journey.  Hux raided the espionage department for dyes.  He had little to no luck with contact lenses.  Just as well, they might have interfered with his line of sight. 

Selecting a rifle had been the most difficult.  Hux was partial to the weapons he used and would have felt better if he had a few days to mull over the selection process.  If this Jedi, who still existed despite all Jedi supposedly being dead, was anything like Kylo, he would need something with a very long range.  Ren, if his using the Force to watch Hux was any indication, had decent range.  His power did not span the entire length of the Finalizer, not in that capacity, so Hux figured he would at least require something with enough power and accuracy to be fired from two-thousand miles maximum.  Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he looked over blasters and scopes.  It would be a difficult shot, even for him, but it was the only way to guarantee he would be out of range of being touched or have his mind invaded with the Force. 

There were other things, all of his contingency plans from when he was preparing to fight Ren head on to protect himself.  Thinking back it had been a foolish thing, thinking he could stun Ren and the knight would give up, but Hux had believed very staunchly that he could keep himself safe… 

Hux sighed.  He had returned to his quarters and pried the bed away from the wall.  His gun was there, the one that fired physical projectiles instead of plasma.  It had gathered dust.  Hux tucked it behind the small of his back.  He checked his closet, opening a false bottom in a drawer.  There were chemicals, small vials that would not be missed, and when combined they could create a powerful knock-out gas, and a number of other useful concoctions.  He retrieved his stiletto knife from under the couch and tucked it into his boot.  It could be thrown, and had a decent edge for slashing if necessary. 

Hux sat on the couch and looked at the table without really registering what he was looking at.  It had been months since Ren had first made his infatuation known.  Just short months ago the biggest problems on his hands were pleasing the Supreme Leader, looking out for the Resistance, and trying to keep Ren from having tantrums and destroying his ship.  He missed that time.  He had not been happy, not the way most people would describe happiness, but he had been content.  He had felt so much stronger then. 

Now he felt…weak, drained, used.  It was a daily struggle to keep his mind from wandering to what seemed inevitable.  His first thoughts waking and last thoughts before he gave in to sleeping were of whether or not today would be the day Kylo Ren would finally lose his temper and take what he wanted by force.  He felt like there was not a single place left where Ren had not groped, that Ren had not claimed and still belonged to Hux.  He wondered why, with no victory in sight, he was still fighting so hard. 

In situations where victory was impossible and capture inevitable, First Order officers were issued suicide pills. 

Hux steeled himself.  No.  Absolutely not.  There was still more he could accomplish whether or not Kylo Ren was attached to him at the hip.  There was still more he wanted to achieve.  If only he could gain more power and control over the galaxy, he felt certain could do more.  Usher in a new age of order and prosperity.  He knew it was an arrogant thought but he thought himself the only one capable of doing it.  If he did something like kill himself, over something as stupid as feeling upset because he was being touched in a way he did not like, that would all be gone.  There would be nothing, and even an awful something was better than nothing. 

It was…a bit like an arranged marriage.  Hux had known that his life partner would likely not be one of his own choosing.  He had expected the order to come from some bureaucrat, and he would be asked to produce an heir or, as had been the case with his own birth, asked to give up sufficient genetic data to engineer a suitable heir.  This was the same thing, when he thought about it.  Ren had selected him, The Supreme Leader saw the benefit of their match, and now Ren wanted sexual gratification.  Hux supposed if he had a wife she would expect the same. 

A flush spread over his cheeks as he thought about it.  He still had a hard time quantifying the feeling of being touched.  It was not as if he had never been touched before.  He had been hit plenty of times, thrown, locked, pinned and tossed about on training mats.  When he was very small sometimes someone would help him dress and arrange his hair.  He could not recall being touched the way Kylo touched him though.  There was never any hand holding, no being gently held in a set of strong arms, and certainly no soft, careful kisses.  Then there were more invasive things, hands on his hips and thighs, a mouth on his chest.  Hux was having a difficult time categorizing them all, trying to distinguish the platonic from the sexual.  Sometimes when Ren touched his legs he was bothered, but did not feel threatened, and other times it would set off a primitive alarm system in Hux’s brain and he would start blushing, whimpering and squirming pathetically. 

The worst part was trying to distinguish if he hated being touched or just hated Ren.  When he was alone and thought about the acts themselves, no Ren, no distinguishable partner really, there were some things he liked.  If he had been with someone who respected his autonomy, he thought he might enjoy being kissed.  He did like having someone touch his hair, combined with lying against a warm, solid body it was like a natural sleep-inducer.  Hux was still uncertain about the more insistent, intimate touching.  He tried to imagine someone else, someone who was not Ren doing it to him.  There was nobody he really wanted to touch him, so he tried to just think of the sensations with no partner. 

Hux sighed again, this time through his nose and looked down at his legs.  He could always try by himself.  If he still hated it, even without Ren leering over him, he would have a better idea of what he enjoyed.  He would at least be able to separate things into categories like pleasant and unpleasant, comforting and sexual. 

Ren’s voice echoed in his mind, ‘Do you touch…where I touch you?  Do you…at all?’ 

Hux got to his feet and paced feverishly.  He had never experimented with himself.  Living in dorms he had never wanted to try.  Mostly due to general disinterest, and on very rare occasions when he had been curious, fear of being caught kept him in check.  There was awful hazing whenever someone got caught.  Whenever he relieved himself it was quick and dispassionate, trying to eliminate a problem before it got out of hand.  He’d never stopped and tried to figure out which sorts of touches he liked and which ones he did not. 

Hux checked a time stamp.  He had time.  Not a lot, but he had time.  He had just armed himself, and he was fully uniformed.  He did not want to take pains in getting undressed.  Through his clothes? 

He sat down and shakily removed his gloves.  He was fairly certain that he liked bare hands better.  Looking them over they seemed strange to him.  They shook, nerves were making blue veins pop against his pale skin like rivers on a topographic map.  Hux silently berated himself.  There was nothing to be nervous about.  Nobody to catch him and belittle him in front of his dorm-mates.  Nobody would punish him for this.  It was _his_ body, surely he was allowed to touch it if he felt like it. 

Slowly he unclasped his collar and ghosted his fingers over his neck.  The sensation, even though he knew it was coming was a slight shock to his system.  Not as bad as when Ren did it though.  Hux also found himself adjusting much more quickly without fear of being violated heightening his senses and putting him on edge.  He hooked a finger under his clothes and touched his collarbone.  It might have been the uncomfortable maneuvering around his clothes, but Hux found he was not enjoying it as much. 

He removed his hands from his throat and trailed them over his chest, feeling himself blush under his own fingers.  He was not sure how he felt about his torso being so sensitive to touch.  He was used to this area of his body taking punishment, punches and kicks.  He thought the nerve endings would have been deadened a long time ago.  Apparently not.  It also bothered him because he was so used to this sort of thing being associated with women.  Sexual education had taught him about reproduction, diseases and how he might contract them, but things like erogenous zones were never discussed.  Was his chest, and more embarrassingly, were his nipples supposed to be sensitive to touch?  Was this normal for a man?  Ren had not seemed perturbed by it, so perhaps it was normal after all. 

He settled his hands on his legs and something in his own mind stopped him.  A bizarre, irrational little voice in his head screaming at him to stop.  Don’t touch that.  It’s disgusting.  It was not exactly untrue.  There was sure to be more bacteria gathered there, but Hux knew he kept himself clean enough.  He recalled the textures and sensations.  He had never enjoyed the process of relieving himself, even thinking of it as maintenance, an extra chore.  If he hated it then, what should compel him to enjoy it now?  He did not mind trailing his fingertips over his legs though, tracing patterns.  He was not sure if he would categorize it as platonic or sexual, but it was pleasant, very pleasant. 

Hux drew one hand back to his chest.  This was…comfortable.  In a way that being with Ren never had been.  With Ren he was always hyper-alert, his brain scrambling for purchase as it was bombarded with unfamiliar sensations against his will.  Ren, surprisingly true to his word, handled him gently in the bedroom, but Hux found he could get a more comfortable, relaxing feeling, touching himself so lightly that he was barely making contact at all.  He continued to touch himself softly.  He found a soft spot on his inner thigh and flushed as he drew his fingertips over it and brushed a hand over his torso.  He sighed contentedly.  There was no moaning or squirming, just a soft puff of air escaping his lips.

It was a strangely empowering moment when it occurred to Hux, _‘This is what I like...he was wrong.’_  

He stopped, settling his hands in his laps and looking at his discarded gloves.  He considered how comfortable he had been and how awful each encounter with Ren had been.  Just by reclaiming control everything had been…better.  There was no haggling or negotiating.  If something was pleasant he continued, and if it felt off, he did not bother with it.  He was in control, he explored within his own boundaries, it was so much better like this.  He was better off like this. 

Hux replaced his gloves and felt…better.  The situation had not changed, but he had gained some useful information.  He felt a little more secure in his own skin, more confident.  He knew he was not responding specifically to Ren.  He knew it was his own physiognomy combined with senses heightened by fear.  Ren was incidental in the matter.  Thinking that, Hux felt a little better about the situation.  If it turned out he was some sort of depraved maniac who got off on being taken against his will he might have died of mortification. 

He took one last look at his quarters.  Hux knew he would be back.  Whoever this Jedi was, however he had managed to survive, he would likely prove no match for Ren.  They would return to the _Finalizer_.  He would be back. 

Hux took his overnight kit from the closet and felt a strange eeriness.  His mind kept repeating that he would come back but something in his head was refusing to agree.  Something was nagging at him, telling him to take in all of the familiar sights and scents because this would be his last time here.  Hux looked about wondered where on earth that thought had come from.  Of course he was coming back.  He would be back, replace his kit, probably have a shower after a long day in the shuttle, dress himself, return to his usual duties…

So why was he having a hard time believing it? 

Hux felt a hand ghost over his own.  It no longer surprised him and the feeling of being watched returned.  Hux snapped, “I’m coming, stop fussing you petulant child of a man.” 

The invisible thing, Hux always imagined it was a hand, drifted down his back and settled across his rear.  Hux gritted his teeth, “That doesn’t make me want you more.  In fact it’s doing to opposite.  Let go.” 

Hux felt the hand press his cheek before dissipating.  The feeling of being watched went away as well.  Hux sighed again.  It seemed he sighed more often in these last few months than he used to.  He closed his eyes.  It was just like an arranged marriage.  It was something he had to do.  It would be alright.  He would be alright.  It, if and when it happened, was just sex.  When it was over he would still be General CO-1413 Hux.  Ren could not take that from him. 

* * *

 

Unlike Ren’s impersonal departures, and despite the short notice, Hux was surprised that a few officers had come to see him off.  Mitaka, of course, to have command temporarily passed on to him, as was the custom.  Phasma and Flax were a surprise though.  As insensitive to the Force as Hux was, he could feel the malice Ren was projecting at Flax, who stood firm as she could against it.  Hux remembered Ren’s warning, Flax was figuring out her feelings towards him.  It was not uncommon for subordinates to become infatuated with their commanding officers, and it could even be advantageous, but Hux was not sure, especially circumstances being what they were, if he could handle Flax’s budding feelings in addition to Ren’s.  Especially if it meant the Supreme Leader’s apprentice and his Security Chief coming to blows.  Hux regarded her grimly.  If she could not control herself, he would have to transfer her. 

Phasma approached him, examining the carrying case for the rifle he had selected, “Assassin Rifle.  Excellent choice, Sir.” 

“I’d like to finish this as quickly as possible.  It’s a shame we can’t have you along, Captain.  If the stories about Order 66 are true, I doubt this Jedi would last long against your men,” replied Hux. 

“They had a good training regimen,” said Phasma, adding slightly disapprovingly, “Though they could do with more practical and less simulation based exercises.” 

“You always say that,” noted Hux. 

“Because it’s true.  Be careful, Sir.  I don’t want to run this ship without you for long.  It’s chaos without you,” said Phasma. 

Hux supposed that was as close to genuine affection as either of them could muster.  He extended his hand for the Captain to take.  Her grip was firm, they shook hands twice, as was customary, before letting go. 

Hux regarded Flax, “Aren’t you on duty Sub-Lieutenant?” 

“I came to see you off, Sir,” said the security chief quietly, “To wish you luck.” 

“You and I both know there’s no such thing, just statistics and probability,” said Hux evenly.  He examined Flax’s features and to his disappointment realized Ren was right.  Flax looked up at him adoringly, with concern, and it was clear that there was more than loyalty behind her large brown eyes.  Hux sighed.  Ren would probably kill her the second she gave him reason to.  He would have to transfer Flax, request someone new.  Perhaps a big, burly man’s man who would never dream of falling in love with him.  Hux sighed, “Goodbye Sub-Lieutenant.” 

His eyes turned to Mitaka, “I really hope you don’t get used to taking command.” 

“I-I won’t, Sir,” stammered Mitaka, though Hux noted a small amount of daring in his eyes.  Stammer and nearly uncontrollable nerves aside, the Lieutenant seemed to be shaping up to be an apt second in command.  The stammer especially had made Hux nervous when he had first taken him on as a Lieutenant, and he had wondered if this was the stellar young officer he had been told about, but Mitaka had proven himself. 

Hux glanced about the _Finalizer’s_ hanger before looking at Mitaka again, “Take care of her for me Lieutenant.  I can hear something not quite regular with her engines.” 

“I will, Sir, she’s in good hands,” assured Mitaka. 

Hux climbed the gangplank.  Ren was waiting for him at the top.  Why did he feel like he was dying?  Like this was a bizarre funeral and the shuttle was his coffin.  No…that this was some perverse wedding ceremony, with his most trusted cohorts gathered round to walk him up an aisle towards his predetermined partner.  He stopped when he reached the top, looking at Ren, fixed and determined as he watched the gangplank retract and the shuttle doors close through his peripheral vision.  Ren reached up and cupped his cheek once they were hidden from cameras and prying eyes. 

“We’re alone,” he said softly, stroking Hux’s cheek with his thumb. 

“I’m flying,” said Hux firmly turning sharply and stalking to the cockpit. 

“Just as well, I hate flying,” replied Ren, following after him. 

Hux sat in the pilot’s seat.  It had been a while, but it was impossible to forget the controls.  He had been cleared to take off, so he activated the engines, the small shuttle humming, making the chair and controls vibrate.  He took off as smoothly as he could, occasionally spying Ren staring at him, still masked.  It was just as well.  Hux hated watching him gawk with his mouth half open, refusing to look him in the eye. 

They were a good distance away before Ren took off his mask.  He leaned back in the co-pilot’s seat, watching Hux from the corner of his eye.  Hux noted his brown eyes raking up and down his figure and suddenly felt very, very exposed.  Ren reached over and Hux blurted out, “I’m flying!  Do you want me to crash?” 

Ren reached over and turned on the autopilot, “Now you’re not.  It’s…nice, isn’t it?  All the stars.” 

“Fair enough for flying.  I’m taking the controls back,” said Hux. 

Ren held his hand over the autopilot switch.  He leaned in, invading Hux’s space, “You…the stars…You’re beautiful Hux.” 

Beautiful was a new one.  Ren’s vocabulary was finally expanding beyond soft, pretty, perfect and gentle, it seemed.  Hux was not sure if he was grateful for it or not.  He looked up at Kylo, who was looking at his eyes directly for a change.  To Hux’s surprise he did not look away.  He still gaped and chewed his lip, but he did not look away.  Ren quietly continued, “Y-your eyes look green.” 

“They’re blue, or they were when I was young,” replied Hux, trying to worm his fingers under Ren’s to get to the controls. 

“They’re like the ocean during a storm,” marveled Ren. 

“Going near the ocean during a storm is a very stupid thing to do,” said Hux dismissively. 

“K-ki…kiss me?” asked Ren, pressing closer, “Like you did before I left…” 

Hux glanced at the controls, “I will…but, I think didn’t quite take the Assassin apart properly.  Would you fetch it for me when I finish?” 

Ren nodded eagerly and closed his eyes.  Hux sighed.  Ren was practically on top of him.  He could hit him like this, but then he would be trapped on a shuttle with an angry, jilted psychopath with no concept of proper consent.  With the way Ren threw tantrums he would probably destroy the shuttle.  Hux leaned forward and wished he could have figured out kissing with a partner he felt a shred of admiration for. 

Ren kissed him back.  It was an altogether novel experience.  Usually Hux stood still and let Ren do as he pleased, occasionally parting his lips and teeth if prompted.  The one time he had kissed Ren the knight had subtly guided him into the motions he enjoyed most.  This was…different.  Strangely mutual.  It was altogether shocking when he went to swipe his tongue over Ren’s lips and the knight’s tongue touched his own.  Hux pulled back in surprise when he felt it. 

Ren smiled down at him, admiring him, appraising him before kissing his forehead, “I’ll go get your gun.” 

Hux panted, catching his breath as Ren got up and left the cockpit.  Hux watched his cape billow behind him before jumping to his feet.  Quickly he slapped his hand down on the control panel.  He whispered to the computer, “Activate emergency hijacking procedure.” 

The doors sealed and bolted themselves shut.  The command was a failsafe in case someone boarded the shuttle.  A pilot could hole themselves up in the cockpit and try to signal for help until assistance arrived or the doors gave out.  He settled into the pilot’s seat and turned off the autopilot.  He never enjoyed allowing a ship to fly itself.  Keeping an eye on the controls and navigation he pulled his kit bag into his lap and pulled out his chemicals and a flask, along with some ration biscuits. 

“Hux?  What’s going on!?” demanded Ren through the comlink. 

“Could be a faulty wire.  Afraid I’m quite stuck until we can pry it open,” said Hux calmly before nibbling at a biscuit. 

“Open the door Hux,” growled Ren. 

“I can’t,” said Hux, brushing crumbs from his uniform, “I tried, it’s stuck.  I’m reading the manual to figure it out right now.  It’s thick.  It’ll take some time to get through it.”

“Hux…” said Ren, his voice becoming dangerously low, “Open the door, or I’ll break it.” 

“I’m trying to!” Hux snapped into the comlink, “Give me some time to figure it out!  I’ve never encountered this before.” 

“You have ten minutes before I carve it open…” snarled Ren.  A few seconds later his voice calmed slightly, “You’re being so coy today, General.  I wonder what people would say if they knew you were so demure in the bedroom.” 

Hux sighed and fiddled with the chemicals and took a look at Ren’s mask.  It had filters, perfect.  He settled it over his head and face, snapping it in place.  He kept his vials at the ready, “And I wonder what they would say if they knew you were so visceral...”

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

"Hux!" snarled Kylo, "If you don't open this damned door I'll unleash my most fearsome technique." 

Hux stiffened.  Worse than everything else that had been done so far?  He didn't think it was possible.  Hux squeezed the controls as he replied, "It's not me.  I just can't open them.  Be a little patient, would you." 

"Fine, if that's how you want it..." growled the knight lowly. 

Hux braced himself for pain, for discomfort, for something horrible that was about to come.  He sealed his eyes shut and tightened his grip.  On the other side of the door he could hear Ren take a deep, deep breath before-

"NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!  NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER!  TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, NINETY-EIGHT BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!" 

Hux arched his brow, "...Ren, what are you doing?" 

"You won't last thirty bottles before you cave in Hux!" shouted Kylo.  He took another breath, "NINETY-EIGHT BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!" 

Hux groaned.  It was annoying, but mostly harmless.  He took a set of earplugs from his bag and helped himself to another biscuit while Ren sang/screamed his lungs out. 


	24. With a bucket or a pill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, I am sticking with my own continuity. I know that Hux's backstory and Arkanis and everything else are now pretty fleshed out, but they weren't when I began plotting and writing, so that's why things are different. I'm aware of the canon, I just can't go back and make everything canon-compliant at this point. :P 
> 
> Also...I have days when I want to stop writing this fic, because it's really personal. I started writing it mostly as an outlet for dealing with feelings after something happened to me. Of course, being something I'm posting, I want to make it 'good' and of course I'm open to criticism. That said though...please stop asking me how the story ends. I don't want to spoil my own ending, and I'm very tired of being vague with the details. Also, I tagged this as non-con. I have repeatedly warned readers that things will get a lot worse before they get better. I honestly don't know what else I can tell people. If this story is too unpleasant, I understand. If my writing isn't good, I understand. If the plot has errors or inconsistencies, I understand. Just please stop asking me how it ends or telling me my story is unpleasant. I thought I posted enough warnings. I thought I made it clear that I would be writing some pretty dark things. I'm sorry if I haven't been transparent enough. I guess all I can say at this point is sorry. 
> 
> Or maybe not. I need to thank whoever the twenty or so people are who spontaneously stumbled across this fic and left kudos. You guys are the nicest. And a big thank you to everyone who has stuck with me so far. Sorry about my whining.

Hux occasionally had to knock Ren out of his head when he tried to check if Hux was _really_ reading the manual.  He had his chemical capsule finished and ready for when the lust-crazed knight inevitably forced the door open.  He also kept Ren’s helmet on.  It was different from the helmets he had sometimes worn in field exercises.  First of all, it had a visor and filters, along with a voice modulator.  When he spoke he was alarmed to find that he sounded almost exactly like Ren.  It had caught him off guard, but soon he found himself testing it, whispering quietly to himself.  With his height, if he wanted to, Hux could probably pass himself off as a knight of Ren. 

There was a hiss and Hux turned to see an amber coloured spot on the door before a red plasma blade penetrated through it, slowly cutting down from top to bottom.  Hux stood and held his capsule ready.  As soon as Ren was a decent way through the door he would break it.  The chemicals would mix and the gas would flood the shuttle.  His fate might have been inevitable, but Hux would be damned if he was not going to try to bend it to almost accommodate him.  He was not going to let Ren fuck him in the pilot’s seat of a shuttle. 

Ren began to pry the door open and Hux threw his capsule on the ground near the entrance.  There was a popping sound as a thick grey smoke billowed upwards.  Hux heard a loud crash.  Ren must have fallen over. 

Carefully, and after waiting for the doors to cool, Hux pried them open.  Ren’s lightsaber, still activated, hummed idly on the floor, leaving scorch marks.  Ren had crumpled to the floor and lay limp and splayed.  Hux prodded him with his foot, watching for signs of alertness from behind the visor.  He called out to the ship, “Scan for toxins.  Flush the air system.” 

There was a slight rush of air as the ship complied, starting the process of filtering out the gas.  Hux figured it ought to be safe to remove the helmet in about fifteen minutes, though he should wait twenty, just to be sure.  He looked down at Ren.  It would have been so easy to kill him like this.  If not for the wrath of the Supreme Leader that would have inevitably followed, Hux would have done it.  He would have cut the bastard’s head off and kept the skull on his desk as a prize. 

Hux glared down, frustrated.  He thought of the humiliation and mental anguish Ren had put him through.  The loss of autonomy, the theft of his power and agency, snatching any semblance of choice out from under his nose.  Hux could not help thinking of the first time, then the second, that miserable first kiss, allowing Ren to violate him on the Helden.  He felt his breathing become hot and heavy behind the mask.  He desperately wanted to kill Ren, but if he wanted to live, he could not do it.  Yet there he was, asleep, helpless, it would be so easy… 

Hux snarled and kicked Ren in the stomach, again and again.  His robes and padding probably protected him from broken bones.  Hux cried out wordlessly, pouring out his frustrations as he kicked and snarled.  He was not sure how long he gave in to the base, primitive urge, but by the time he stopped he was out of breath and he felt hot, frustrated, exhausted tears streaking his face.  He was not sobbing, his respiratory system, while laboured from effort was still quite regular.  The tears had just spilled out all on their own.  They itched a little as they began to dry.  Hux tried to wipe them away but could not.  He still needed the helmet on. 

Reaching down he retrieved the lightsaber and deactivated it.  Ren would need it later, but not now.  Hux did not want him to have it.  Finding a compartment that was fairly out of the way, he hid it.  If Ren managed to find it, that was fine, but Hux would give him no assistance.  He retrieved a length of rope and looked over Ren.  With the Force he could probably get himself loose eventually, but Hux was confident in his knot tying skills.  He had mastered all of the different, complex patterns in training.  If he had not been destined for a military life, he might have been skilled at crafting.  Building things and working with patterns was relaxing. 

Not this time though.  Hux lined up Ren’s wrists behind his back and began coiling rope tightly around them before giving his ankles similar treatment.  With a great deal of effort he finished by dumping the knight near the bunks.  Hux glowered down at him, _‘He deserves worse…’_

As soon as he was able, Hux went to the refresher area to pull the mask off.  His face was pink from effort and being overheated under the helmet.  He wiped the residue from his tears from his face and sighed, “No harm done…no harm done…”  Examining his features as his usual pallor returned, he found the observation an accurate one.  If someone had somehow managed to peer inside the shuttle at that moment, they would have found General Hux looking the way he always had.  Apart from a slight amount of helmet hair. 

Hux brushed the red strands back into place and looked at himself evenly.  Ren would be livid when he woke up, but working the knots would give him time to calm down.  Even if this did turn sour…Hux grinned to himself…knocking Ren unconscious and kicking him about was very much worth it.  He indulged himself by allowing the smallest ghost of a smile to cross his lips and tapped the mirror, “You don’t belong to him.” 

Then he paused.  Was he seriously talking to himself?  Perhaps Ren had driven him more insane than he had once thought…or brought him back to sanity, as Tarkin might have put it.    

It was a good few hours before Ren woke up.  They had been nice while they lasted.  Hux remained in the cockpit, staying vigilant despite space being clear and calm before him.  When Ren stirred, groaning loudly, Hux nearly choked on the biscuit he had been nibbling on.  The knight was going to be livid…

“…Hux…” the General heard him growl from the opposite end of the shuttle. 

 _‘He’s tied up, he can’t hurt you,’_ Hux tried to convince himself.  He tried to will away thoughts of Ren strangling people from across the room, and the possibility of the knight being able to stop his heart or pop a lung with a wave of his fingers. 

“Hux,” Ren snarled more insistently, “What.  Did.  You.  Do?” 

“You triggered an emergency mechanism,” said Hux quickly. 

“Did the emergency mechanism tie me up?” demanded Ren. 

“I thought it best to restrain you in case you became violent upon regaining consciousness,” explained Hux quietly. 

He heard Ren shifting, struggling against the bonds, “Untie me, Hux.” 

Hux took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “I don’t think I will…” 

There was a moment of silence before Hux heard it again, that eerie, trickling water pipe laugh.  It built, coming to a crescendo and Hux kept his back to Ren the entire time.  Ren’s laughter died, but only slightly before he attempted to speak again, “If you wanted to play you only had to ask…” 

Hux felt his hair stand on end.  He knew what Ren meant by play, and Hux had most certainly not intended to send any sort of invitation or signal.  He gripped the controls in his hands to keep focused and concentrated on flying.  There was not much in the way of obstacles to make things interesting, but keeping his eyes fixed ahead in case one appeared gave him something to concentrate on. 

He heard shifting and grunting behind him, “Here you were acting all shy when this is what you’re into.” 

Hux focused on keeping his breathing level.  He had to ignore Ren.  He would shut up eventually if he ignored him. 

“You hit me too, didn’t you?  Our modest General has such wicked tastes…” 

Hux ground his teeth and pressed his fingers tighter around the controls. 

“Oh…you have no idea what I’m talking about?  Is that it?  For a man with a body count as high as yours you’re so innocent Hux.  So…pure.” 

 _‘Ignore him and he’ll stop.  He’ll get sick of it.  He has the attention span of a restless blackfly,_ ’ Hux told himself. 

Ren’s voice came darker, smug, purring, “I can fix that for you, you know.  Just say the word and I’ll ravish you senseless.  I’ll show you all sorts of little games.  I can do it from here.  I don’t even need my hands free.” 

Hux froze as the words registered in his mind.  He felt something ghost over his jaw and let out a yelp of surprise and disgust.  He was so frantic that he got to his feet and swatted the empty air around himself, trying to fling the invisible hand away.  As his senses returned he spotted Ren at the back of the shuttle, lying on his side, limbs still tied securely, laughing and watching through twinkling black eyes.  He paused his laughing and looked up at him fondly, “You’re a lot of things, General.  I didn’t think gullible was one of them.” 

“How am I supposed to know if you’ll stop or not!?” snapped Hux, “You’re always touching me, even when I ask you not to…how can I trust you if you can’t even keep your kriffing hands to yourself!?  Palpatine’s sake, I don’t even know the first thing about you!” 

Ren seemed slightly taken aback by that, “You know I love you…” 

“Just…don’t touch me,” commanded Hux, settling back into the pilot’s seat. 

“It was only a joke…” said Ren quietly. 

Hux ground his teeth and resolved not to talk to the knight again.  He checked his chemical collection.  He might need to make another capsule for the Jedi, and then there was the shuttle ride home…best not waste resources if he might need them more at a later date. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you like that,” simpered Ren, “Hux…please talk to me…” 

Hux said nothing. 

“Hux, you can’t just stop talking to me.  I said I was sorry, so you have to talk to me.  Hux…Hux!” 

Hux stood up again when he felt invisible forces grasping at his jaw and cheeks.  He rounded on Ren, “Stop it!  I said I don’t want you to touch me!” 

“You don’t mean that,” Ren nearly growled, “Don’t lie to me, Hux.” 

“How can someone with potentially limitless empathic powers not sense how much I hate this!?” snarled Hux. 

“You don’t mean it,” Ren repeated.  Somehow, probably by the force, he had gotten his hands loose.  He pulled his legs close and began picking at the knots by his ankles.  He sighed and looked up at Hux, “Is it not knowing about me?  Is that why you’re nervous?” 

Hux crossed his arms, “Well it certainly doesn’t help.” 

Ren sighed, “There’s a lot that I just can’t tell you.” 

“Why?” spat Hux. 

“Because.  I just…can’t, alright?  Consider it classified information,” explained Ren, “But if you have questions, if it will make you more comfortable, I’ll answer as best I can.” 

Hux looked down at Ren.  The man was pathetic, and he was even more pathetic for being weak enough for this sorry excuse of a man to take advantage of him.  Hux reached down and picked up his kit.  He had shoved a bottle of liquor into it, just in case he was asked to another drinking party.  He was going to pour all of his own drinks from now on, having a slight suspicion that he had been drugged last time. 

“I am not having a heart to heart sober,” grumbled Hux, uncapping the bottle.  He didn’t really want to talk to Ren, or give him the impression that Hux was interested in his advances, but talking wasn’t touching, so he would take it. 

Ren looked at the bottle with disdain, “I don’t really like it when you drink…” 

“Oh?” said Hux, suddenly tempted to down the whole bottle just to spite the knight. 

“It makes you hazy, and your emotions harder to read.  Not to mention it’s a depressant.  Depression makes the Force around a person feel…off, stagnant, it’s not a pleasant feeling,” Ren explained. 

“And I suppose it’s so much different than how I usually feel,” said Hux facetiously. 

“Think of it this way,” said Kylo, freeing his ankles and unwinding the rope, “If you think of the Force around a person like a cut of meat, different emotions give it different flavours.  It won’t change dark or light alignment, just like spices won’t change what sort of meat is being prepared, but it will give it a different taste.  When you’re sober each flavour is distinct, but when you drink they get jumbled together.  And when you’re depressed it’s…bland, like choking down hard-tack.” 

The knight rose to his feet and gave Hux a predatory grin, “Now, most people are…standard.  Their energy stays close to them, they have the usual feelings and thoughts.  All very mundane.  A bit like bread or a salad.  You, on the other hand…You’re a walking, talking dark energy generator.” 

Hux backed up against the controls as Ren continued, stepping closer, “You’re so passionate about your Order and your goals that you drown out everything in a thirty foot radius.  It’s rich and thick like a slab of cake and with your charisma you can infect everyone you talk to with fear and rage, spreading that darkness to everyone within earshot.  And when your suppressed, neatly compartmentalized emotions manage to break out…well, that’s just the icing on top.” 

The way Ren was looking at him, Hux would not have been surprised if Ren had mistaken him for something edible.  Ren’s lips parted and he started breathing through his mouth again.  Looking away slightly he added, “Though I’d prefer having you over a slice of cake any day.” 

Hux defiantly took a long swig from his bottle.  Coughing at the sharp, disgusting taste he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and haughtily replied, “I’ll stick with cake, thanks.” 

“Feisty,” teased Ren, “So General, you have more than a day with nothing to do but get to know me.  How would you like to go about it?” 

“Ever play Questions?” asked Hux. 

“Questions?” asked Ren, cocking his brow. 

“It’s a drinking game.  I got roped into playing once or twice at the Academy.  People take turns asking questions.  If you can answer, the person who asked the question has to drink.  If you refuse, you have to drink,” explained Hux, “The idea is to ask the most forward or embarrassing questions and hope the person you’re interrogating gets too flustered to reply.” 

“People asked _you_ weird questions?” asked Ren, slightly disbelieving. 

“I was the son of the Commandant, technically, people thought I would be a coddled pushover,” said Hux with a light shrug, “Thought I’d run with my tail between my legs if they asked if my pubic hair was red.” 

Ren suddenly coloured and his line of sight trailed below Hux’s beltline, “I-is it…?  You have…yours are red?”

Hux glowered, “It is.”  He gripped Ren by the chin and forced him to look up.  Thrusting the bottle into the knight’s hand he seethed, “Now drink.” 

It took Ren a minute to collect himself.  He took the bottle and settled himself back into the back of the shuttle.  He took a drink and patted the ground next to him, “Sit with me.” 

“If I do this for you, I don’t want you touching me with your powers again,” said Hux, “It’s…eerie.”

“I won’t.  Come here,” said Ren insistently.  

Hux looked at Ren for a moment, then pulled his stiletto from his boot, “If you do it-”

“You’ll cut my dick off, I remember, now sit down,” groaned Ren. 

Hux scowled before he settled next to Ren.  The knight leaned over slightly so they were settled shoulder to shoulder.  Hux would have preferred it if they had sat facing each other, like proper opponents, not side-by-side like this.  He could feel Ren gawking at him and his heavy mouth breathing in his ear.  Ren was like this every time.  Hux would have thought his boyish awkwardness would have faded by now, but he was supposed it was better than Ren being aggressive. 

“So, where are you from?” asked Hux. 

Ren immediately took a drink.  Hux huffed through his nose, “Already?” 

“It’s classified,” said Ren.  He paused for a moment, “I know everything in your file, but…your name…the things Tarkin said…  Are you some sort of…were you an experiment?” 

Hux sighed, “After a fashion…My father, the man who I share half of my chromosomes with, was Commandant Brendol Hux.  He studied many training methods, particularly the Jedi and the Clone Army, and was determined to create a regimen for the First Order, beginning from birth.  He also believed in survival of the fittest, so I suppose he wanted his offspring, his legacy, to have an advantage and bred us with certain desired traits in mind.  The result, myself and others, were called the Commandant’s Own.” 

“Desired traits?” asked Ren, sounding horrified as he sipped at the bottle.

Hux, unsure as to why this sort of information would unnerve anybody, added, “I was bred specifically to be intelligent.  The donors my genetics came from were selected in order to give me an above average intelligence quotient, focus, retrieval and an eidetic memory.  CO-2536 was bred for fast reflexes, she became a pilot…I think she was shot down shortly after receiving her commission.  CO-1425 was strength, he joined the infantry and went MIA near the Outer Rim.  CO-2433 was bred to be…sexually desirable.  I think she was meant to become a spy.  She died barely a month into her training at Arkanis Academy.” 

“That’s…that’s horrible,” said Ren. 

Hux huffed, “Why?  Better than leaving things up to chance.  Passing on diseases and weaknesses.  There’s a handful of us still alive, and we do quite well for ourselves.  Anyways, it’s my turn again…if you can’t tell me where you’re from, what were your parents like?” 

“Awful,” growled Ren as Hux took a drink.  The knight continued, “My father abandoned us, then my mother sent me away.  And before that they were never there, not really.  I wouldn’t call them good parents.” 

“I suppose men like us never have good parents do we?” observed Hux. 

“M-My turn…um…” said Ren, becoming nervous.  Hux braced himself for an awkward question.  Ren stammered, “Wh-What soap do you use?  It smells nice.” 

Hux replied quickly, “Same stuff as everyone else.” 

Ren took the bottle from Hux and took a drink before quietly adding, “I like how it smells on you.” 

“Where were you trained?” asked Hux, eager to change the subject. 

Ren sighed and took a drink before grumbling, “Classified…”  He began getting nervous again, “Your um…your hair and skin…how do you wash them?” 

Hux sighed heavily through his nose before bluntly replying, “With soap.” 

“Oh…” said Ren, taking a drink sullenly before adding, “It’s always feels so soft.  I-if you used other things it would be even softer.  I could show you.” 

“I’m a General.  When is being soft going to benefit me?” snapped Hux as he thought of his question.  He settled against the wall and looked at Ren, “When you were small, you didn’t happen to enjoy setting things on fire, did you?” 

“Yeah,” said Ren, looking over at Hux quizzically with his dark eyes, “How did you know?” 

“Just a guess…and I already know you tortured insects,” Hux muttered to himself, taking the bottle from Ren and helping himself to the contents. 

“How about you?  Were you a sweet, harmless little cadet?” asked Ren. 

“There was a special program in the Academy.  The only way you could get in was if you managed to murder a fellow cadet and make it look like an accident,” said Hux darkly, “Let’s just say I was valedictorian of an alarmingly small graduating class.  Father didn’t want me admitted in case he was accused of favoritism, but I made a very convincing case.” 

Ren took the bottle back and drank from it before grinning to himself, “We’re the same then.  I killed a lot of the people I trained with.” 

“Explains why there aren’t many of you,” said Hux.  He studied Ren for a moment.  He was clearly a sociopath.  The Supreme Leader did not want Ren killed, but if he could be medicated…not enough to cure his bloodlust but enough to realize what consent was…he might be able to figure out a way to give the knight regular doses of something.  He asked, “Your parents…did they ever give you medicine?  Habitually?” 

“Only when I was sick,” replied Ren as Hux drank.  He looked over the General and asked, “Why don’t you like it when I call you soft and pretty?  You are…I think it’s weird that you get upset about it.” 

Hux leaned back and closed his eyes, “CO-2433 was soft and pretty.  Out of all of us she was weakest.  Since we’re technically siblings, I’m informed whenever they find another piece of her.  That is what the world does to soft and pretty things.  It chews them up and spits them out.” 

Ren blanched, unable to drink. 

Hux opened his eyes slowly and stared at nothing in particular as he gazed across the shuttle, “They’re weak.  They make good targets.  They break easily.  I’d rather not be called that.” 

Ren nodded quietly as he took his drink, “I never meant it as an insult…pretty doesn’t mean weak.  My mother…she was very pretty, but she was strong too.  You can be both.” 

“Is she still alive?” asked Hux. 

Ren took a drink and groaned, “Classified.”  He settled closer to Hux, “This…need for order that you feel.  Where do you think it comes from?” 

Hux took a moment to think about it, “Because…I truly think I’m the only one who can achieve it.” 

“That is probably the single most arrogant thing I have ever heard you say,” said Ren with a snort as he took a drink. 

“I was bred for intelligence, remember?” said Hux irately, “By the time I was nine I realized that I was smarter than all of my siblings and most of my teachers.  By the time I was eleven I could have taught most of my classes.  By the time I was fourteen I could have taken over the Academy.  I could have taken over the planet.  I saw how ineffective my supposed betters were and it made me…it made me…” 

“Angry?” offered Ren. 

“Yes.  I suppose it did,” admitted Hux, “I knew I could run things better than they could.  The First Order is the way in which I plan to…fix things, make them run more smoothly.  I guess that’s where it all comes from.” 

“I can feel it,” said Ren, leaning so his head touched Hux’s, “And I understand being in a place that everyone thinks is perfect but really…it’s so wrong and you’re the only one who sees it.  I know how hard it is to want to fix things, but the ability to do it is just out of your reach.  You’re frustrated, ambitious, disdainful…and whether you acknowledge it or not you feel it so strongly it just pours out of you.” 

“And it tastes like cake, apparently,” muttered Hux. 

“And it tastes like cake,” echoed Ren, his smile audible on his lips.  He nuzzled against Hux’s hair, “The best thing about it is your drive though…You never give up.  You’re always fighting.  It keeps your energy fresh and vibrant.  You’re committed so fully to these desires that you never waver.  Your darkness is so strong and pure…” 

“So…if there was someone else who had the same sort of energy as I do, would you pursue them instead?” asked Hux. 

“No,” said Ren adamantly, shoving the bottle back into Hux’s hands, “I want you.  The darkness is great but it’s not the only reason I have for liking you.  I’m…not that shallow…” 

Hux took a drink as the knight asked, “You…um…look I know you probably learned about…doing it…with a girl…” 

“Having reproductive sex,” corrected Hux. 

“But, do you know how it works with another man?” asked Ren.  He quickly added, “I just don’t want things to be too shocking for you.  You’re a lot more naive than you let on.” 

“I suppose it’s all the same in principle.  Tab A goes in Slot B then you finish,” said Hux tiredly. 

“W-well, n-no, not exactly,” said Ren.  The paused and started breathing heavily through his mouth again, “Um…well…after fooling around a bit…I’d have to…stretch you.” 

Hux pulled back and arched his brow, “Stretch me?”  His mind immediately went to floor exercises.

“Um…” Ren began, pulling back so he could turn and face Hux with his legs tucked under him.  He kept his eyes in his own lap or on the wall as he explained, “It’s…usually tight…so you need to stretch it first.”  Ren was bright red now and looked like he might start crying from embarrassment.  He took a moment to steel himself before he explained more clearly, “I’m…kind of big, and you’re a virgin, so you’re probably really tight.  So before we do anything…I need to put my fingers in and stretch you for a bit, so it won’t hurt.” 

When Hux had imagined the process he figured it would be quick and easy.  He had no idea there was preparation involved.  He coloured as he thought of Ren putting those long fingers inside him and wriggling them.  The thought did…something to him.  It frightened and disturbed him, but the thought fingers inside him made a strange warmth pool in his chest. 

“A-and…you use lubricant to make everything…go in easier,” continued Ren, “It can be…uncomfortable so…do you know what a prostate is?” 

“A gland that secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm,” recited Hux quietly without looking up. 

“Well…um…when you touch it…it feels really good,” explained Ren, “S-so when I stretch you and…use lots of lube…I’ll touch it a lot so it’ll feel good and you won’t be too uncomfortable.  Th-then…I have to put lots of lube on my…myself so it can…go in…without hurting you.”

“So…when you’re always saying you’ll be gentle…?” Hux trailed off. 

“It can be rough.  Some people do it without lube or preparation but it hurts, a lot.  I’ll…make sure you’re stretched first…that way it won’t hurt, and I’ll do it slow and gentle so you won’t be too uncomfortable,” said Ren quietly. 

Hux had always assumed that had meant doing things slowly and not grabbing him too hard.  He had no idea Ren was actually talking about shoving fingers and oil in his ass.  It sounded humiliating.  He thought of Ren gawking at him and breathing heavy while he poked and prodded at him, panting out his insipid mantra of how soft and warm he was.  The knight continued, “And…y-you’ll probably want some pillows under your hips…to make it more comfortable…and maybe a massage first so you’re relaxed.  It you tense up it can hurt a lot.” 

“As appealing as you’re making all this sound,” said Hux sarcastically, “You do understand I’m not naturally inclined to want sex.”  He added quickly, “From you or anyone.” 

“I know…I actually read about it…about people like you,” said Ren quietly, finally managing to look at Hux’s chest, “I read…some of you actually really, really like it, you just don’t have people who you feel attracted to.  And if you like your partner a lot, some of you don’t mind doing it to make them happy.” 

Typical Ren, cherry-picking the details that were more pleasing to him.  Hux tucked his knees against his chest.  Ren shuffled a little closer, “Look, I know it sounds strange, but it does feel good.  Y-you remember how it felt when I…played with you?  It’s like that, but a hundred times better.” 

Hux drew his legs closer to his chest and recalled the feeling.  Hux added quietly, “You’re speaking from experience?  Someone’s done this to you?” 

“Mhmm…” Ren hummed lightly.  He let out a soft awkward laugh and added, “And I’m still in one piece so you know it won’t kill you.” 

“Ren you keep saying it has to be me…I need to know why,” said Hux, “Can you put it into words why you can’t just have somebody else instead?” 

“Because…” Ren began, trailing off before he gathered his thoughts and possibly his courage.  He reached out and cupped Hux’s cheek in a large hand, “The Force around you is dark.  You’re strong, you’re not afraid to fight with me, and you’re…you’re so beautiful.  I have other reasons too, but…you get all embarrassed…” 

“Other reasons?” asked Hux apprehensively. 

“Like…how you’re tall enough for me to kiss you without bending in half.  Or how I’m the first one to ever touch you, or how nice your lips look, or how you have red eyelashes,” said Ren quietly.  Hux braced himself as Ren breathed more heavily, “And I like…how you have sensitive nipples…they’re really cute…and I like the way you squirm when I-”

Hux held up a hand to silence Ren, “I think I understand the point you’re trying to make.” 

Looking over Ren, he seemed pleasantly drunk, but it was hard to tell if he was flushed from the alcohol or embarrassment.  Either way he smiled softly and leaned forward, “I like…I like making you feel good.  I like showing you pleasure.  But…you’re kind of drunk now, I can tell…so can I hold you for a little while?  Maybe kiss you?” 

“If I go back to the cockpit-” began Hux.

“You shouldn’t fly drunk,” said Ren, moving his hands to Hux’s shoulders.  He pulled at them slightly, “Just…lie on the bunk with me?  I won’t do anything.  You know I won’t.” 

“Ren, you read my file, correct?  Memorized it?” asked Hux. 

Ren nodded. 

“It says I’m immune to the effects of Shadis Leaf.  Do you know what that is?” asked Hux. 

Ren shook his head and then began to nod as his eyelids grew heavy. 

“It’s a delayed reacting.”  Ren leaned forward.  “Natural herb.”  Ren’s eyes fluttered shut.  “With a taste weak enough to be concealed by brandy.”  Ren collapsed against Hux’s shins.  “And was used to treat my insomnia before I developed an immunity to it.  I cycle different medications now to keep it from happening again.  But you knew that, didn’t you?” 

Ren snored quietly again as Hux staggered to his feet.  He had drank too much again.  He stumbled over to the cockpit.  He would not be able to fly, but he felt better trying to stay awake there instead of curling up on one of the bunks.  He grabbed another biscuit, some water and a pain-pill, hoping to stave off a hangover as he watched the stars. 

 

**Bonus Stupidity**

 

The knight was once again unconscious, and now it was time for revenge.  Hux took a container from his kit.  He had been saving the contents since his time on the Helden, and now was his chance to act. 

Gleefully, Hux sprinkled orange cat-hair all over Ren.  The orange fur stood out like a sore thumb against the black of his uniform.  Best of all, it would never wash out.  No matter how many lint-rollers Ren used, I would still be there.  If he put it through the wash it would just get all over his other clothes.  Cat hair was for life, and now Ren would never, ever be rid of it. 

"I hope it gets in your mouth too," huffed Hux, smacking Ren over his unconscious head with the plastic container, "And I hope you choke on it.  Choke on shame and annoying kitten hairs!" 


	25. I will not leave thou lone one to pine on the stem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MASSIVE NON-CON TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. It gets bad. Really, really bad. Consider yourselves warned. 
> 
> For those who might want to skip this chapter, here's a brief summary of important points: Hux considers pretending to be attracted to Kylo in an attempt to make things less awful for himself, but can't manage to do it. Switch to Kylo's POV, Kylo is getting tired of Hux avoiding him or knocking him unconscious. During some conversation, Kylo demands to see Hux's disguise for the mission and is affronted to find it includes hair dye. He forces Hux to choose black, and forces him into allowing himself to be dressed and molested. Hux manages to get Kylo to stop by insisting that he doesn't want a shuttle to be where they have their first time and convinces Kylo to wait a little longer. Kylo agrees, recalling how losing his virginity had been an awful experience, and doesn't want the same for himself and Hux now. 
> 
> Like the last time this happened, not everyone wants to see something dumb and silly after reading something awful, but some people need something lighthearted after seeing something really really dark. So the Bonus Stupidity will have it's own chapter. That way it's there for those who need it and out of sight from those who might find it upsetting. 
> 
> ...I was terrified to post this chapter. Heck, I'm still terrified. But I really wanted to thank everyone for their support in the comments. It really, really helped. There were also offers for beta-ing, and I will take people up on them once I can get some free time. Heading to Tokyo this weekend, and after that I'll be spending time with Eight before they move away. Also I need to build a pillow fort to hide from Antis in case they come for me.

Hux debated tying Ren up again.  It had given him a little piece of mind but had backfired terribly.  He also considered locking him in the refresher area, but given that it was the only place with a lock where he might find some privacy, he did not want Ren destroying it in an attempt to break out.  He decided to just let Ren sleep off the effects of the concoction and say the knight had drank himself to sleep.  The Shadis Leaf should probably keep him out for a guaranteed six hours, possibly eight, leaving about eighteen or twenty hours before they reached Hathan. 

It had been a few hours and Hux felt he had sobered up enough to take control again.  It had been about six hours since leaving the Finalizer and so far he had managed to keep Ren off of him for the most part.  He sighed to himself.  Eventually it would have to happen.  He had been explicitly ordered to keep Ren entertained and hold his interest.  At some point he would have to give himself to Ren or the knight might turn his attention somewhere less convenient for the First Order. 

Was he ready for it?  It was an odd question to ask.  Technically speaking the answer was yes.  Hux would be thirty years old very soon, so he had reached sexual maturity a long time ago.  His body was ready by every biological definition.  It was just his mind that he needed to sort out.  The whole thing would never be ‘right’.  The way Ren had coerced him would always be wrong, the way he had relentlessly pestered and pursued him was wrong, and the fact that he did not feel a shred of emotional or sexual attachment to the man did not quite sit right with Hux either.  Worst of all, he was not being given any real choice in the matter.  Give in or face a transfer and demotion.  Give in or have to deal with violence.  Give in or face the disappointment of the Supreme Leader. 

‘Pretend it’s your choice,’ Hux thought to himself.  He could do that.  Pretend that he was simply satisfying a passing curiosity and Ren just happened to be the person he chose for the task.  He tried imagining it that way.  Happening to mention offhand to Ren, or somehow indicate his interest, and the knight just so happened to be eager for it.  Hux tried to block out everything that had happened between them during the past few months and pictured himself approaching Ren and asking if he would like to have sex with him. 

He wondered if he could muster up a few scraps of attraction, or at least find something about Ren that did not fill him with loathing.  Hux looked out at the stars.  The knight had nice eyes, when he bothered with making eye contact.  He tried to think of something else.  His hair tickled sometimes, which was not an entirely unpleasant sensation.  He tried again.  Nothing came.  Hux sighed heavily; two things were better than nothing. 

Perhaps when all this was done with though, Ren might be more pliable.  Hux knew that he might not be able to stop Ren, but if the knight wanted a willing partner Hux could withhold certain favors to manipulate Ren.  The knight had already proved useful as his own invisible security detail, and no doubt Hux could find other uses for his powers.  This…situation he found himself tangled in, it did not have to be all bad.  There could be benefits. 

Hux’s thoughts suddenly turned to Ren pushing his fingers inside of him.  He clutched the controls and bit back a shudder. 

* * *

 

“You passed out drunk.  I had no idea you were such a lightweight,” chided Hux. 

Kylo knew that Hux had drugged him.  He knew his limit and knew there was no way the drink had not been tampered with.  His Hux was being so feisty today.  It was fun seeing him put up so much of a fight, but Kylo was getting tired of him wasting the time they had to be alone together.  It had been days, weeks, and Hux kept avoiding him.  Chasing was fun, but Hux was taking it too far. 

He closed his eyes for a moment.  He could sense where Hux had hidden his lightsaber, but he was willing to let the General have his way for just a little while longer.  He groggily made his way to the cockpit and saw Hux gripping the controls tightly.  He never would have pegged Hux for a nervous flyer with all the time he spent on Star Destroyers, but he would never have thought Hux would be so inexperienced in bed either.  The feeling of surprise when he heard about being fingered had been genuine. 

But there were other things to see to, and since Hux had cut into the time they might have spent fooling around, Kylo felt it best to rearrange his priorities slightly.  He watched Hux, the way he sat straight but his face turned away when he detected Kylo’s eyes trailing over him.  A little scared.  Beautiful. 

“Did you manage to put together a disguise?” asked Kylo. 

“I found some things,” said replied Hux curtly. 

“Can I see them?” asked Kylo. 

Hux looked over at him, thinking considering, then turned the autopilot on as he began to sort through his bag and mumble, “Hathan is desolate, and mostly tundra.  I brought warm clothes.” 

Hux sorted a few things out for Kylo to inspect.  It looked like he had grabbed whatever civilian clothes he had scrounged up from the intelligence department.  Most of it looked like it would barely fit him, and quite a bit of it seemed too bulky.  He picked up the clothes, examining them, picking out a few scarves and hats he thought might look nice.  Hux would definitely need a coat but the only one that was not too small seemed large enough for the General to drown in it. 

Then Hux pulled out a series of bottles.  Kylo grabbed one and looked at Hux disapprovingly, “Hair dye?” 

“It’s not permanent.  I brought solution that will reverse any effect it has.  And barring that, it will wash out eventually,” explained Hux. 

Kylo glowered at him.  He loved Hux’s hair.  It was the first feature he had noticed and in time came to adore.  It was a radient red, shining brightly and soft to the touch.  He did not want Hux to change it.  He narrowed his eyes, “You’re _not_ dying your hair.” 

“If I don’t I’ll be recognized,” Hux countered, “I might not be as famous as Tarkin but people will be bound to notice.  Besides, we want to do this discreetly, yes?  Red is too conspicuous.” 

It was true, and it make sense, but Kylo did not like it.  Kylo began picking up the other bottles, “I’m choosing the colour then.” 

“Excuse me?” said Hux, his emotional profile suddenly becoming spiked with offense. 

“I’m choosing the colour,” repeated Kylo, looking over the bottles and feeling he was making a fair compromise.  If Hux was going to put him through this, the least he could do was accept Kylo’s choice in colour.  The knight found one and passed it back to him, “Use this one.” 

Hux examined it, “Black?  Really?  With my pallor?” 

“Black or red.  Those are your only options,” said Kylo sternly.  He looked over Hux’s hair sullenly, “You promise it’ll wash out though?” 

“I was given a solution that ought to get rid of it,” muttered Hux. 

Kylo continued to regard Hux sternly.  He picked out some more clothes and continued, “And I get to dress you.” 

“Absolutely not!” snapped Hux. 

“I’ve been very patient with your little games and you wasting our time.  More than gracious.  Now it’s my turn to decide what we play,” said Kylo, leaning in and locking his eyes with Hux’s.  He needed the General to know how serious he was about this.  He was not about to let Hux get away with all his misbehaving.  He gripped Hux’s jaw and forced him to continue making eye contact, “I’m going to put your disguise together…and then I’m going to put it on you.” 

Hux glared back and Kylo could not help looking away.  Hux had the one of the fiercest stares the knight had ever encountered.  It did not help that he got flustered when he saw those bright blue-green eyes framed by orange lashes and cream coloured skin.  Hux pulled back, “I’m a grown man.  You can pick what I wear, but I’m dressing myself.” 

“No, I’m going to dress you,” repeated Kylo resolutely. 

“You can put on the outer layers,” countered Hux, colouring slightly. 

“Everything but your underclothes,” said Kylo, trailing his hands to the clasps at Hux’s throat, “And…I get to…to undress you.” 

“No!” snapped Hux. 

Kylo was starting to get frustrated.  He growled, “I could freeze you and take it all off without bothering to dress you again.  You know I can.  Is that what you want?” 

Hux looked away demurely and his fear and humiliation drifted around him deliciously.  He seemed hurt as well, and Kylo regretted that, but if Hux did not want things to get rough, he should have stopped resisting.  He would never actively try to hurt Hux though.  He might threaten him a little to help him loosen up, or make sure he understood a point Kylo was trying to make, but he felt no active desire to cause Hux pain.  Most of the time.

Hux picked up the bottle of dye before stalking off towards the refresher.  Kylo called after him, “Where do you think you’re going?” 

“I’m dying my hair first,” said the General staunchly. 

Kylo examined one of the other bottles, “It says it takes fifteen minutes to set.  If you take longer than a half hour in there I’m coming in after you.” 

Hux paused before disappearing into the refresher.  Kylo sighed.  He knew Hux hated when he got rough like that, but the man was not leaving him much of a choice.  Hux had made a deal with him.  The General belonged to him.  More than that, Hux had made it perfectly clear that he loved him.  Kylo scowled.  Apparently making a fuss would always be Hux’s first love.  He was so unbelievably stubborn. 

He got up and walked as quietly as he could to the locked door of the refresher unit.  He heard cloth rustling inside and assumed Hux must have been taking his clothing off.  Kylo flushed and imagined it as he heard clasps being undone, clips being pried open and straps coming loose.  He looked around the door and found nowhere he might be able to peek inside.  He imagined Hux, and wondered especially about the red hair Hux had mentioned earlier.  He never thought it might be red…

The water turned on and Kylo waited, his imagination running wild with thoughts of Hux scrubbing himself and applying the solution to his hair.  He thought of himself in the refresher with Hux, rubbing all the soaps on for him, meticulously cleaning every inch of pale skin, Hux blushing and whimpering under his touch.  He grinned as he imagined his hands trailing low and Hux his making meek, feeble protests out of habit.  Kylo would chide him, insisting he was only cleaning him while thoroughly exploring Hux’s nude form, hands dipping lower and lower until the General started keening with pleasure and begging to be used.  He sighed.  He ought to have asked Hux to let him wash him.  Next time. 

Hux emerged and was startled by the sight of Kylo standing so close to the door.  Kylo took in the sight of him and tried to get used to it.  Hux with black hair was not bad, but it was not normal.  The contrast it had with his bright eyes, still veiled by red lashes, was striking, and it made him look even paler.  Kylo tilted his head slightly.  Hux had managed to dye his eyebrows, but had not attempted the lashes.  Or he had forgotten.  If Kylo could find some mascara on Hathan, he could fix that.  As for the rest of the General, he had not bothered putting his tunic back on, or his boots or socks.  Taking a peek behind him, Kylo noticed a small pile of straps and discarded clothing folded in a neat little stack. 

“Come here,” said Kylo, settling his hands reverently on Hux’s bare shoulders, still warm and slightly damp, and pulling him away from the refresher. 

Hux followed, though Kylo could sense his reluctance and apprehension.  That was it.  That was the sort of fear he liked to feel from Hux.  Kylo settled his hands at Hux’s waist and opened his Jodhpurs.  Hux stayed still, quiet, looking away and trying to seem indifferent.  He was so sexy when he tried to ignore being lusted after.  Kylo did managed to force a blush from him as he pulled the pants down to reveal Hux’s long, pale legs.  The General stepped out of them before Kylo could prompt him.  The knight smirked.  Obviously Hux wanted this if he was going to comply like that. 

Kylo pulled off the undershirt and Hux crossed his arms over his bare chest.  Kylo took in the sight of him, half-naked for his eyes alone to look at.  A doll waiting to be dressed up.  Or played with.  He hummed his approval as he held Hux by his upper arms, but he could not sense any arousal coming off the General.  Perhaps that might change.  Kylo retrieved the clothes he had chosen.  Most of them were selected because they were the only ones that would fit Hux, but there were others he felt might compliment the General’s slim build and pale complexion. 

Grinning to himself, he knelt before the General and held out a pair of dark brown trousers for Hux to step into.  The General looked away but did as he was prompted.  Kylo slid them up, allowing his fingers to trail up those pale legs as he did before fastening them at Hux’s waist.  They were very loose, Hux would need a belt.  Taking a sash, Kylo worked it through the belt loops, his hands roaming over Hux’s narrow hips liberally before he tied off the coppery fabric. 

“I think that’s supposed to be a scarf,” Hux noted quietly, still blushing and emitting delicious apprehension. 

Kylo, still kneeling, let his face come closer to Hux’s bare stomach.  He purred, “Then you should have grabbed a civilian belt that fit you.” 

Hux looked too perfect, despite his change in hair colour.  Kylo found he liked it, though he was eager for it to go back to being red.  As for the rest of Hux, he was just as tantalizing as ever.  He leaned forward and admired the smooth, spotless skin before allowing his tongue to dart out and lick just around Hux’s navel. 

“Don’t!” Hux snapped, shoving Kylo’s head away and stepping back, “We didn’t agree to that!” 

“I could _make_ you,” Kylo reminded him coolly.  That seemed to give Hux some pause.  Kylo sorted out a pair of socks that had been hooked into each other.  He looked up at Hux, who was still looking away so prettily, “I want you to say you want it before I do anything serious, you know that.  You got to call the shots before, now it’s my turn.  I’m just playing…I know you love it when I play with you.” 

He lifted one of Hux’s feet and kissed it before sliding a thick, grey sock over it.  He continued to chide, “I thought you would have enjoyed this more, General.  Here I am, kneeling in front of you, kissing your feet, begging to worship you.  Can you honestly say you’ve never desired my full and complete submission?” 

Either Hux did not have an answer or he was being coy and refusing.  Kylo briefly considered skimming his thoughts, but Hux had become outright vicious during their training.  Entering the General’s mind was asking for a massive headache, and this particular question did not seem worth the effort.  Not when Hux was being so good for him, standing still and allowing himself to be dressed.  Hux was insulted, affronted, and fretful, but he was keeping so very still. 

Kylo picked up a shirt.  It was off white, and a little worn, but it looked like it would fit.  He was not sure he wanted to put it on, not just yet.  Hux was being very, very well behaved, especially compared to a few hours ago when he had been fighting and scheming.  Perhaps this was the General’s little game.  He was so fond of games with plotting and planning.  Kylo grinned.  Maybe Hux loved the thrill of being chased.  He did seem to have an insatiable need to tease, only allowing limited touches under very strict circumstances.  

But now he was finished teasing.  He would probably complain - Hux always complained - but he looked so inviting with his soft skin on display like that.  Kylo got to his feet and looped his thumbs in Hux’s belt loops, pulling him close enough to hear his shaky breathing and feel the his heart beating like a frightened little bird fluttering about its cage.  So vulnerable, so sweet, and all his to adore. 

Kylo moved his hand and touched him.  Hux closed his eyes and flinched as if he had been cut with a blade, screwing his mouth shut.  A slight dimpling in his face told Kylo he must have been biting his cheek, trying to keep that exquisite voice in check.  How long would the General manage to hold out this time?  Kylo felt giddy at the thought, allowing his hand to move very slowly, very deliberately, feeling all of the contracting muscles and panicky organs working in overdrive to keep up with Hux’s anxious mind.  He smirked, resting his head against Hux’s neck, breathing against it in a way that was sure to give the General chills.  It worked, and Kylo saw the force around him burst with sparks of pleasure. 

“You’re warm…” he murmured appreciatively, sliding his hands up, looking for all the places that drove his General blissfully insane.  The small of his back, his spine, his ribs, just below his belt line…Kylo pressed a kiss to Hux’s neck and finally earned the timid whimper he had been waiting to hear.  That sound did something to Kylo that was more than simple arousal.  It thrilled him, it amused him, it exhilarated him.  He peppered the translucent skin of Hux’s slender throat with kisses, hoping to earn more reticent noises from the General.  His apprehension spiked and he gave off the slightest traces of arousal when Kylo trailed his lips over a large, blue vein, pulsing rapidly as Hux fought to keep control. 

‘ _Let’s see how long that control lasts_ …’ Kylo thought to himself, cupping a hand around Hux’s back, the shirt draped around it.  Hux was so small.  One hand almost spanned the small of his back completely, giving him nowhere to retreat but into his loving, gentle hold.  He trailed his other hand down to a nipple and let his finger rest just below it, letting Hux’s anticipation build.  Kylo kissed Hux’s jaw, just beside the biggest vein in his throat and lifted his hand away.  Even without the Force he could feel Hux’s body bracing itself to be touched, pulse fluttering, muscles contracting, breath hitching.  Kylo smiled against his jaw, replaced the hand, still not touching where Hux expected and tapped a finger against his chest, “See?  Teasing is rude, General.  And we know what happens to rude boys…” 

“D-Did your mother used to say that to you?” stammered Hux. 

“She did,” admitted Kylo, edging closer before pausing and tapping idly.  Hux shuddered and tried to pull away, retreating against the hand Kylo had at his back.  The knight nuzzled his neck, “Should I stop teasing you?  Should I let you have what you want?” 

“Just give me the shirt, Kylo,” said Hux quietly, “I’ll let you put it on me…”    

Kylo pulled away and turned Hux to look him in the eye, “Is that really what you want?  You know…I feel it…when you like something.  When you mean something.  My mother used to say things that she didn’t mean too.  It got annoying.” 

Hux didn’t say anything and kept his eyes cast down.  Kylo released his jaw before setting his hand back in place, waiting patiently.  Hux shivered, anxious, waiting for Kylo to act on him, but he would not.  Not just yet.  Kylo breathed against his ear and neck in a way he knew would heighten the General’s anticipation.  The feeling of arousal was steady now.  Just a trickle, but it was there.  Whether he admitted it or not, Hux wanted this.  Kylo wondered just what made Hux feel that way.  The power dynamic?  The anticipation?  Being trapped?  Hux did seem fond of tying knots…maybe the General would like being the one all tied up...

“You- You shouldn’t…I don’t think you ought to think about your mother…not while you’re doing this,” said Hux quietly, still trying to keep the last shards of his stoic mask from slipping away. 

“No, I suppose you’re right,” whispered Kylo lightly.  He did not need her anymore, not when he had his Hux.  With the darkness around him he drowned out the light.  He could fix things with Hux.  Create that old love story anew.  Hux was just like him.  He wanted to fix things, improve them.  Hux would understand.  Hux would help him.  He chuckled darkly, “She wouldn’t approve of the things I want to do to you.” 

Kylo clamped Hux tightly against him and claimed his lips, drinking down the gasp of surprise, followed by the high pitched whine when Kylo finally pinched the nipple he had been teasing.  Hux squeezed his legs together tightly as the knight pinned him against the door of the refresher.  Somewhere along the way he had lost the shirt, freeing the hand that had been at Hux’s back.  Kylo had no plan, he rarely did, all he knew was the hunger he felt for love, for attention, for a warm body beneath him, for depth of feeling.  He took Hux’s hands, shaking, pressing those slender fingers to his palms intensely, and placed them on his shoulders, allowing the General to have something to hold onto, if he wanted. 

Hux grasped fistfuls of black fabric as Kylo’s hands fumbled over the trembling body in front of him.  His feelings had grown beyond simple lust and need, Kylo was desperate and starving for warmth, softness, vulnerability, and he found it all in the timorous noises that bubbled up in the back of Hux’s throat.  He drank it all in with the desperation of a man dying of dehydration.  Kylo forced his tongue inside, rewarding Hux with groans of praise and approval. 

The General deserved praise, standing as still as he was.  Kylo gave recompense in the form of touches and kisses, lavishing the svelte form squirming against him with affection.  Kylo broke the kiss and stared down at Hux’s flushed face, eyes quavering shut as he tossed his head lightly, trying to swallow back more sounds.  Kylo grinned, “Stubborn…” 

He forced a hand between Hux and the wall, cupping his backside and kneading gently.  Hux had just enough muscle to make his ass nice and firm, especially when he was tense like this. There wasn’t much to it, admittedly, but there was just enough for Kylo to cup, squeeze and pinch with his fingers.  He considered giving it a light slap, just to see how Hux would respond, but he was being so good right now and Kylo did not want to give him an excuse to go back to arguing and complaining.  He imagined the General would enjoy it though, judging from the way he trembled and let out breathy gasps and moans as his ass was gently rubbed and fondled.  Hux wriggled his hips, trapped between Kylo’s fondling hand and slowly hardening arousal.  Kylo pressed him closer to both.  Hux’s hands shot downwards suddenly, grasping at Kylo’s wrists and trying to pull them away, “That’s enough…you asked to dress me, so finish dressing me.” 

“I will…I just want a taste first…” said Kylo, squeezing Hux against him hard, “If you hadn’t been so…mischievous before, I wouldn’t want to you so badly now…”  He hid in the crook of Hux’s neck and quietly ordered, “Go lie on the bed.” 

“Kylo, you said you would dress me,” said Hux, edging very close to pleading. 

“I will, I promise,” said Kylo, “But I want you on the bed first.” 

“Kylo…no…” Hux was still looking away, but he was breaking.  He was aroused and begging.  If only he had been begging to be taken.  Perhaps he would soon.  Hux nearly recovered, choking out, “I don’t want to play anymore.  Stop it.  You wanted to hold me earlier, if you still want that I’ll let you do it, but you have to dress me first.” 

Kylo grinned, ignoring Hux’s little lies, and kissed his General, “I’ll dress you if you’re good.” 

“That wasn’t the deal,” said Hux, his usually smooth voice quivering. 

“If you lie on the bed, I’ll dress you.  If you don’t, you can stay like this until we get to Hathan.  I won’t let you put anything else on.  You know you can’t take them from me by force,” said Kylo.  He tried to sound a little threatening, just for fun.  Hux sounded so frightened Kylo could not help but tease him.  Hux wanted to be played with.  His body was aching for touch… 

Kylo glanced about for the abandoned clothing and summoned them to his hand with the Force.  He pressed them against Hux’s side so he could feel that Kylo actually had them, “Don’t you want them Hux?  Or are you not interested anymore?  Either way, I don’t mind…” 

Hux moved, slowly, quietly, keeping his face cast away.  He crossed the shuttle and sat on the lower bunk.  Kylo called out, “Lie down.” 

Hux practically flinched at the command before he shifted to lie on his back.  He was being so good now, so obedient.  If Hux was going to be this way after every outburst, Kylo might just allow the General to slap him around more often.  Kylo stepped over to the bunks and looked Hux over.  Half dressed, shyly looking away with a bright blush on his cheeks, trembling, squeezing his legs together tightly, and gripping the sheets by his sides.  Kylo was the only one who would ever see him like this.  He savoured the image.  His General, his little doll, lying so very still and waiting for his touch.

Kylo sat on the bunk and it creaked beneath the weight of them both.  He set the shirt, sashes, cap and jacket next to Hux so he could see there was no lie.  He would be covered up again soon enough.  He paused, wondering which would be better, to mount the trembling body or try to pry those legs apart.  Then another thought came to him.  How far would Hux’s obedience go? 

Kylo stammered out the command, feeling his mouth go dry, “S-spread…spread your legs.” 

Hux turned and looked at him in shock, almost horror.  Oh, that was probably the first time he had ever heard such a command.  His outrage and fear were wonderful as always, but Kylo could feel something else.  His modest little General was getting excited by this particular game.  Kylo leaned over him, crawling over his prone form.  He stroked Hux’s cheek and managed to choke out the words, “I want to be…b-between them.  Stop squeezing…” 

“No…” said Hux quietly, “If you stop I’ll kiss you.  Or…you could use my hand again.  I’ll touch you if you stop.  I don’t want to do that.”

“The sooner you behave…the sooner you can be dressed,” said Kylo soothingly, pressing a finger to Hux’s lips, “But if you keep arguing, I’m not going to let you have them, and I won’t be able to resist you.  I’ll probably hold you down and keep teasing you all the way to Hathan.” 

Kylo felt movement and leaned back to watch as Hux’s legs parted.  He settled between them, pressing his arousal between the General’s legs.  Kylo groaned as he rolled his clothed hips against Hux’s, making the once red-headed man let out a timid whimper.  Kylo scanned the Force around him, not wanting to go to the effort of entering Hux’s mind.  The General had gotten a little too good at expulsions which always made Kylo think twice before trying to look into Hux’s mind.  He wondered what he was thinking with all this fear.  Was the size of the appendage being pressed against him frightening?  Was he unnerved by being half-dressed while Kylo was still clothed?  Either way, he felt scared and anxious, but Hux was definitely getting off on this. 

He stared down as he felt Hux slowly become hard.  The sight of him, timorous, yielding and aroused before Kylo was too much.  He moved down and Hux wrapped his legs around his waist.  Kylo purred at that and went to give him an approving kiss, but found Hux, possibly in some sort of ecstatic frenzy, was holding him too tight to move up to reach his lips or move down to explore his lower body and made grinding more difficult.  With nowhere to move, Kylo rolled his hips as much as he could against Hux’s backside, making the General gasp.  Was that the first time anyone had pressed against him like that?  Hux was projecting shock like it was.  Kylo pressed as close as he could, hoping to leave nothing to Hux’s imagination, “Like how that feels?  I promise it’ll feel better in-inside you.  Force, you’re going to be so tight.  You’ve never had anything inside you before, have you?  …well?  Go on.” 

The General’s eyes snapped open briefly before he clenched them shut again, “…no.” 

“So you’ve never thought to use your fingers?  Toys?” purred Kylo, moving a hand back to rub the back of Hux’s shivering thigh.  It took some doing, but not hearing an answer Kylo wedged his hand between their bodies, fingers prodding at Hux’s entrance through his pants.  The General let out a panicky squeal and trashed, nearly throwing the knight off the bed as Kylo pressed him down, rougher than he ever wanted to be with Hux, but the man was forcing him to with the way he struggled, “Hm?  Answer the question, General.” 

“No!” he shrieked.  His hand clasped around Kylo’s elbow, nearly throwing him off balance.  Kylo was nearly knocked aside when Hux bent his elbow and twisted his body, forcing Kylo to remove his hand to stay upright.  He pressed his hips flush against Hux’s again instead, which was possibly what Hux was hinting at wanting in trying to remove his hand.  Kylo rubbed himself against the General’s unpenetrated hole and Hux moaned out, “No… _ah_ …I’ve never… _ah_ …I…d-don’t do that…s-st…sto- _Oh!”_

“You’re so innocent, and your voice is so sexy like that…” sighed Kylo, more to himself than Hux, grinding against him as much as he could.  Harder, faster.  Hux was pristine.  Never touched, never opened, not even by himself.  Hux was going to be all his, perfect and tight.  He sounded so good, struggling to speak between moans of pleasure.  He wanted to hear more, “Let’s put that voice to better use.  You’re mine.  Say it.” 

“I’m…I’m yours… _oh_ …n-now you have to… _ah_ … _ah_ …” 

“What do I have to do Hux?” asked Kylo, urging Hux to keep talking.  The usually well spoken General mewling and gasping in pleasure, unable to make a coherent sentence, was incredibly satisfying to hear.

“ _Ah_ …s-stop…stop… _oh…ah…”_ moaned Hux. 

“I don’t think you want that…,” said Kylo.  He leaned down and blew on Hux’s nipple gently, “I said I wanted a little taste first, then I would dress you.  I promised.  I’ve always kept my promises, haven’t I?  …hm?  Answer the question.” 

“S-Stop…I don’t want that…not there…” 

Now that was interesting.  Kylo knew Hux loved having his sensitive nipples teased, despite his protesting.  The Force around him had exploded in pleasure last time he sucked them.  Hux must have been embarrassed.  There was nothing for him to be ashamed of though, and Kylo desperately wanted to show him that.  He pinched one and Hux’s body snapped to the side.  Kylo found himself tossed aside and held onto the bottom of the bunk above them to keep from being thrown.  Again.  He concentrated on pushing Hux down with his mind.  Not enough to hurt him, just enough so the General would stop all that violent squirming. 

“You didn’t answer,” said Kylo, panting slightly as he started teasing Hux’s nipples with his coarse fingers again.  He circled them, occasionally pinching and flicking the sensitive tips lightly.  Hux began moaning again almost immediately and nearly screamed every time his pretty nipples were gently pulled and pinched.  They were hard under his fingers now, so Kylo pinched the tips lightly between his thumbs and forefingers, kneading and rolling them and reveling in the General’s moans and keens.  Humiliation was spilling off of Hux now and it felt so good. 

“Ah!  Y-yes…you do… _mm_ …n-now stop…Kylo stop…I’ll kiss you – _ahh!_ – i-if you stop I’ll kiss you… _ahh_ …Kylo stop…” 

“I know this makes you feel good, don’t be embarassed.  It’s okay, just relax and enjoy it…” advised Kylo, leaning down and swiping his tongue over one of the tempting buds before softly kissing around it, “You work so hard…you deserve to relax and feel good.” 

“Stop!  I don’t like that, that’s- _A-ah!”_

Hux let out a high pitched keen followed by a low moan as Kylo took one of the velvety tips into his mouth and sucked it gently.  He would alternately suck and lick teasingly, then finish with a gentle bite - just the way Hux liked it - before he switched.  He took his time to be thorough and methodical, ensuring his little doll was lavished with all the pleasure and attention he deserved.  Judging from the jolts and flares coming off of Hux, he was more than enjoying himself.  Watching Hux being pleasured was always incredible.  He always experienced everything so intensely and was beautifully responsive.  With just his nipples being played with and a little rutting the energy around him was exploding.  Hux seemed like he might be able to come from this if Kylo kept it up long enough.  He wanted to try it; laying Hux out, completely naked and toying with his pretty nipples to see if that was enough to make him come.  Not now, Hux had been angry when he accidentally came before, he wouldn’t like it if it happened again unexpectedly.  But perhaps later Hux wouldn’t mind being treated to that kind of attention.    

Kylo savored the salty taste of Hux’s skin and its silky texture and hummed quietly against it, “You’re so sensitive…your body loves this.  Just relax and let it have what it wants… _mmm_ …”  Hux gasped in the most delicious way when Kylo moaned, pretending to taste him, sucking his rosey nipple as gently as he could before he continued, “And you taste so good, so sweet…It would be a shame not to enjoy something as beautiful as you to the fullest…I don’t think I’m going to sto-”

Hux shrieked in response to that.  With a sudden burst of strength he broke Kylo’s hold and was pushing back with his hands, spine arching and squeezing hard with his legs.  He twisted himself, forcing Kylo to pin the General down even harder with the Force to keep himself from being thrown off the bed by Hux’s thrashing.  Kylo looked down at him, trapped, helpless, aroused, panting, moaning, squirming and blushing.  His eyes were fixed on the shuttle wall, brows furrowed, pressing his fingers into his palms where Kylo had pinned and raised his hands with the Force, just above his head.  Nobody else would ever know General Hux could be so lewd and innocent all at the same time.  _His_ Hux, his beautiful General, his little doll... 

Kylo continued to ravish his nipples, massage his sides with his hands and grind against Hux’s virgin entrance, making the General moan loudly and toss his head against the pillow.  He parted Hux’s legs, just enough so his constantly squeezing them would stop hurting and Kylo could get a little more comfortable while he rubbed himself against the General.  Hux nearly sobbed at the sensation of his legs being spread wider for Kylo to take his pleasure and his arms being raised higher to push out his slim chest, making it more accessable.  He was blushing hard and deliciously humiliated at being positioned so provocatively.  Kylo grinned to himself.  The General was so sensitive to touch he was almost crying, squirming against his hands and the Force.  And they were still just fooling around.  This was only foreplay.  If Hux was this responsive to teasing, he was probably going to scream and cry and thrash and beg for release… 

He lowered a hand to palm between Hux’s legs, “Let me suck it?” 

Hux turned the brightest shade of red yet, looking away as he cringed and letting out a frightened whine that ended in his breath hitching a repressed sob as he screwed his eyes shut, blinking away little tears that were threatening to fall.  His Hux was so shy…it made him feel bolder.  He kissed Hux’s pale chest, sucking and nipping just enough to lightly bruise him.  Between kisses he continued, squeezing and rubbing Hux with his hand, “I know you’re hard, it probably aches too.  Let me suck your cock?  It’ll stop the aching.  Just a little taste and then I’ll dress you up again.  Please, I promise I’ll make you feel so good.  At least let me look…I want to see you Hux.”

“N-no… _a-ah_ …” whimpered Hux between moans as Kylo fondled and traced his length through his clothes.  It felt like it was a good size, slender, warm and already hard for him.  He palmed it, rubbing firmly as Hux let out a sob.  A real one.  He was actually crying a little.  It may have been the first time another man touched him like this and the thought of that drove Kylo insane.  He wanted to have it out, show Hux how gently he could touch him, how good it could feel, and that there was nothing for him to be afraid of.  Maybe Hux would feel better about taking things further if he just knew how good being touched could feel.  Then he would moan and beg for it, with no trace of the straight-laced General left as Hux gave in to his desires.  Kylo desperately wanted to worship every inch of him.  Hux was so perfect like this, disheveled, moaning wantonly, nipples red and puffy, chest and neck bruised from sucking and kissing, eyes screwed shut in lust and pleasure with his body spread out beneath him.  Kylo tried to imagine the red hair and how it would look as he fumbled with belts and buttons while Hux moaned out, “S-stop… _ah_ …n-no don’t…no…not there… _ah_ … _ah_ …not in the…not the...th-the _shuttle_!”  Hux said the word with sudden realization before shouting,

“Not on some musty shuttle bunk!  Not _here_!” 

Kylo pulled back, startled slightly by Hux’s adamant outburst.  He reached up to stroke the General’s once red tresses.  Hux panted for a moment before frantically adding, “I want it t-to be special.  Don’t you want it to be more romantic?  Wouldn’t you…rather have me some place nicer?  You can only take my…my virginity once, you know.” 

“You’d still be a virgin, technically,” argued Kylo, having a very hard time bartering while he was so aroused.

“Kylo, it’s my…” said Hux, trailing off, before starting with renewed vigor, “It’s _our_ first time.  I want it to be special for you as well.  I want it to be perfect for _you_.  So, let’s just wait a little longer…?”

“Hux…” said Kylo, unable to hide his frustration. 

“I’m…I’m just…” Hux began, fumbling with his words until he got command of them, “I want to give myself to you all at once, not little bits here or there.  Won’t that be better?  Then you won’t have to hold back at all.  Just give me a little more time.  That way I can make it special for you.”

Kylo sighed as the General continued, “I want it to be perfect for you.  I want you to…to have…to take all of me, when I’m ready.  Don’t you want it to be special?  It’s my first and I’m…nervous...You wouldn’t…you wouldn’t take this from me, would you?   Besides, if we wait, my hair will be red again…I know you like it when it’s red.”    

“It’s just a little fooling around,” argued Kylo, though he knew this was an argument he was losing quickly.  For once he understood Hux.  Firsts were important and ruining Hux’s for him would be… 

Hux was breathing heavily, probably still exhausted.  He shook his head before looking up at Kylo desperately, “I’ll…I won’t argue if we wait!  You can- You can touch wherever you want and I won’t argue or complain.  I’ll even kiss you back.  I just want to wait.  Just a little longer.  Give me a little longer and I’ll…you can have me.” 

Kylo sighed and picked up the shirt, “Alright…I…I want it to be special for you too.  I don’t want it to hurt or make you upset.  You were enjoying it so much I just thought you might like it if I-” 

“Promise.  Promise me you’ll wait.  I just need a little more time,” pleaded Hux. 

Kylo hesitantly relented, “…I promise.” 

The General sighed heavily and lay back boneless against the bed.  All that tossing and thrashing must have taken a lot out of him, not to mention all that moaning and keening.  Kylo rolled a sleeve slightly before fitting it over Hux’s hand and sliding it up.  He tried to ignore the pressure between his legs as he said, “My first was…it was with some woman.  I paid her to do it.  I can’t even remember her name.” 

Hux seemed taken aback by that as Kylo propped him up to get the shirt around his back.  He slowly guided Hux’s arm through the other sleeve, “I was angry.  Before I’d been forbidden to, and I heard it was supposed to help with the dark side so…the first chance I got I just…and…it wasn’t good.  I hadn’t even realized I didn’t like women.  Everyone always told me I would wind up with a woman and I believed it and…it was…” 

Kylo shook his head, “I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it…and she…she laughed at me.  Then I…it was bad.  It was awful.  But…she was the first, and I never forgot.” 

He buttoned up Hux’s shirt, trying not to stare at the bulge in his pants, or his red, abused nipples before he covered them, “So yours…yours should be special.  You deserve it.  You deserve to have it special, gentle, loving, to be showered with more pleasure than you can imagine…just…” 

He fitted a scarf through the shirt collar and tied it loosely around Hux’s neck, feeling the General stiffen slightly, “…I’m really not used to waiting for such a long time.  It’s hard.  I’m trying to wait because I want this to be good for you too, but it’s hard.  I’m doing my best, but I want you so badly…” 

Kylo smoothed down Hux’s black hair before putting the cap on.  He still wasn’t used to the sight, but it was growing on him.  He loved the youthful, red tresses, but black admittedly looked sexy on Hux.  He pulled the jacket over the General’s arms and smiled slightly.  The clothes fit his height and long limbs, but they were so wide Hux was almost drowning in them.  He looked so small and boyish, especially with his cheeks flushed and trying to ignore his arousal.  So shy and sweet…

“Now, I’m going to take care of the little…problem, you’ve left me with,” said Kylo.  He stroked Hux’s cheek, “You’re going to stay here and wait.  If you move I’ll know… and I’ll be very disappointed.” 

He fitted another sash around Hux’s waist and looked over his handiwork.  Hux was clearly aroused, though he had closed his legs, crossing them slightly, trying to hide it.  His blush was so striking against his black hair, and he seemed so ashamed, adding to that air of innocence.  Hux’s naiveté proved a strange puzzle.  Kylo loved it, but he wanted to ruin it.  He wanted Hux to be his untouched, pristine little doll forever, kept in a glass case and only removed to be dressed, groomed, kissed and played with.  But he also wanted to use him and defile him until he was filthy and didn’t have a scrap of reluctance left.  Perhaps it was a good thing that Hux wanted to hold off for so long.  It gave Kylo time to really savour the experience of slowly spoiling something so pure…

Kylo gave Hux a parting kiss and whispered, “See, this is how you leave me every time.  It’s not nice being teased, is it?  Just lie there and wait it out.  You like waiting, don’t you?” 

He turned and walked to the refresher.  He heard a clatter of springs and turned in time to see Hux retract his leg, having kicked the bunk above him and letting out a loud, long, wordless bark of frustration before he flung an arm over his eyes.  Kylo turned and smirked.  So Hux loved teasing, but couldn’t stand being on the receiving end. 

Cute. 


	26. Bonus Stupid for previous chapter

Captain Phasma looked up at the towering image of the Supreme Leader.  With the General and Lord Ren on their mission, it fell to her to maintain correspondence and receive orders. 

“I await your command, Supreme Leader,” announced Phasma obediently. 

“Maintain your course, and keep the _Finalizer_ ready for battle,” commanded Snoke. 

“It shall be done,” said Phasma crisply. 

“Captain…a word,” said Snoke, staring down at her from his lofty seat. 

Phasma cocked her brow behind her helmet as the Supreme Leader leaned down, as if confiding a secret to her.  He spoke quietly to her, “What do you think of Lieutenant Mitaka?” 

Phasma’s brow only travelled further upwards as she pondered the question, “He is…capable.” 

“I am glad we are in agreement Captain, for it is my desire for you both to form a union,” said Snoke. 

“…excuse me?” asked Phasma, her teeth slightly gritted. 

“You see Captain, in a position of supreme power, I am able to see that all of my OTP ships come to fruition.  First Kylo Ren and General Hux, then you and Mitaka, then that Radar technician fellow and that other technician with the overly large ey-”

Phasma glared up at Snoke, “You are aware that RPS is creepy as fuck, sir.” 

“Oh please Captain, we’re on the Dark Side, it’s what we do!”  he reached up and pulled down a chart, “Now, I’ve arranged a foolproof meet cute.  When he comes around the corner of the women’s lavatory, I’ll push you.  With any luck, the lieutenant will not be crushed under your armour.” 

Phasma groaned.  Mitaka was probably going to have a heart attack…


	27. I have no wings and I can't fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to continue posting this fic for as long as I can. It means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to other people. It's just been getting kinda nerve-wracking. 
> 
> Fleance comes from MacBeth by the way. It was the most unfitting name I could think of. Also, the name Rax was thought up before Empire's End came out. I thought of changing it, but I kind of like it.

Hux lay on the bed trembling.  First with outrage, then when that died down he shook from unwanted arousal, then when it went away he finally shook with fear.  Ren had almost…almost…  Then came the shame.  His voice.  His god damned voice.  Moaning and crying out like a two credit whore.  Hux knew he babbled when he was nervous, he always had, but he trained himself to use quips and sarcasm to cover it.  He was vocal when he was scared or uncomfortable and that wretched habit was manifesting itself in the worst way possible.  While Ren was sucking his nipples of all things.  He was a man.  That was how women, mothers nursed their…Hux tried not to think about it.  He hoped to whatever god was listening that Ren was not trying to fuck him because he reminded the knight of his mother.

The knight had not said anything about fixing his clothes, just that he would know if he left the bunk.  Hux believed him, as firmly as he believed Ren might accidentally destroy the small craft if his temper was provoked.  If only he had a way to fix his temper.  Perhaps with that staved off his selfishness might persist, but it would be less dangerous trying to help him understand what he was doing was terrifying and wrong.  It was clear to Hux that Ren needed to be heavily medicated.  He just needed to figure out Ren’s exact psychosis and the correct drugs, the right dosage, how to slip it to him…

In the meantime, Hux sat up and examined the sashes Ren had tied around him.  All too bright and pretty for his liking, but that was the least of his problems.  He untied the one holding his pants up and retied a series of knots into them, using up all the excess length.  He did the same with the one at his throat.  Ren could still open and unbutton his shirt, but the knot might deter him.  Finally he did the same with the sash around the jacket.  All in all, if Ren wanted to undress him again, he would have a hard time doing it.  The rational part of Hux’s brain told him Ren could make short work of his efforts with a sharp blade, but the irrational, doggedly hopeful part insisted that the knots would protect him.  It had worked before.  Ren could not get under his clothes anymore. He was safe. 

Safe…he had never been safe.  Not really.

He curled on his side.  None of his weapons were in reach.  There was nothing for it but to wait.  If he could trick Ren into letting him get up again, he might be able to grab something.  He might not be able to use it, but just having something to hold, to protect him, would make him feel strong and in control again.  He did not like the clothes Ren had put on him.  He hated being out of uniform as a rule.  Everyone could see how small he was.  Nobody feared him like this. 

He sighed and twisted his fingers through his hair.  He had been in such a hurry he had told the intelligence department to give him a set of dyes.  He figured he could choose the colour on the shuttle, and had been leaning towards a dull, mousey brown.  Now he was stuck like this.  Hux tried to tell himself it could have been worse.  Ren could have asked to apply the dye.  Ren could have asked to wash him.  Ren could have continued his… 

Hux curled up a little tighter.  Ren’s talking had done something to him.  It had put images in his head.  It had sent more heat through his body.  Aroused from being groped and kissed, a very small part of him had wanted it to continue.  He had wanted to have a release, he wanted pleasure.  It had all disappeared the second he reminded himself that Kylo Ren was the one stimulating him but…it had been there.  For a split second Hux had wanted someone, anyone to give him release.  He had never wanted that before. 

When he needed relief he had always wanted it to an end.  There was something he did not want to be distracted from, so he begrudgingly took care of it.  He had never wanted a release for the sake of having one and yet…he had.  While Kylo Ren was… 

He had not been thinking clearly.  He had been scared.  His body had been excited.  Hux wished he could research more into this.  Perhaps…perhaps it was normal.  Perhaps if his body was properly stimulated it was natural for his brain to crave release.  He was not attracted to Ren, that could not be it at all.  He hardly looked at the man through the whole thing.  But being spoken to that way, hearing someone talk about doing those things to him…it had…

Hux pressed his fingers into his palms and stared at the wall of the shuttle.  He could not get it out of his head either.  Thoughts of a warm mouth enveloping him in, of being stretched and taken, they were doing something to him.  He had never thought about sex before in his life.  He had been curious, but not so much that he had wanted any of it to happen to him.  It had always disgusted him.  It still disgusted him.  He tried to figure out these new, strange fantasies.  He was not thinking of Ren performing the acts, or anyone, just the sensations.  That made sense.  There was nobody he had ever felt attracted to and even in his room when he had briefly experimented with himself he visualised sensations without a partner.  But he had never wanted the sensations before, and now the idea of experiencing them was not going away.  What was it?  Residual arousal?  Curiosity?  A side effect of being touch-starved? 

He was so confused…

There was no time for that now though.  Ren had opened the door.  Hux could hear his footsteps, his bare feet slapping against the floor, coming closer.  He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt Ren sit on the bed, his large, heavy body curl against him, his arm circling Hux’s waist and breathing hot breath into his ear.  Ren’s lips pressed against his jaw, “I almost didn’t recognize you.” 

“Someone should at least watch the controls, in case something happens,” said Hux quietly, “I don’t mind doing it.  You said you don’t like flying.” 

“If something happens I’ll protect you,” insisted Ren, petting his hair gently.  He hummed when Hux’s back shivered at the sensation, “I just want to hold you…” 

“I’d feel better if someone was at the controls.  Even if we have autopilot, it’s regulation…” said Hux, trailing off slightly. 

“If I sense something coming I’ll take care of it,” whispered Ren. 

“Kylo, I would really rather-”

Hux gasped as Ren suddenly clambered on top of him.  He screamed and tried to shield himself with his arms, “Kylo, no!” 

Then suddenly the gravity seemed to flip.  He felt his weight roll.  First towards the wall, then against Ren, circling until he settled back on the bunk.  He shook.  He could feel his eyes were wider than usual.  He bit the inside of his cheek as he felt his throat constrict.  Ren had just flipped the shuttle with the Force, “See, I can take care of it.”

Ren rolled off of Hux as he hyperventilated.  His voice came sharp and concerned, “Hux?  Hux!  W-what happened?” 

“Leave…leave me alone,” Hux panted out, “I need to be alone.” 

“Are you sick?” asked Ren. 

He was not, but if it would make Ren leave, “Yes, I feel sick.” 

Hux felt a hand begin gently rubbing his back through layers of clothing.  Ren spoke again, “You don’t have to deal with that alone anymore.  I’ll take care of you.  Are you motion-sick?  Is it the dye?  Is the air too stale?  Or…are you still…from when we were fooling around?” 

“Leave me alone…” repeated Hux, not knowing what else to say as he caught his breath and choked back frightened, exhausted tears. 

“Shh…it’s okay…it’ll be okay.  I’ve got you.  Don’t cry, please?  Shh…I’m here, it’ll be okay…” said Ren, settling against him and petting him again.  Hux felt large hands stroking his side and combing through his hair.  All the while Ren gently shushed him, “Shh…it’s okay.  We’re less than a day away.  You’ll have fresh air and steady ground soon.  Shh…If I’d known you were sick I wouldn’t have teased you like that.  You should have said something.  Don’t…don’t cry…please don’t cry…” 

He had said something.  He had protested.  Ren did not listen and now…  Hux cringed as he the thought of his length being swallowed up and long fingers prodding his insides flooded into his head again.  No.  That was disgusting.  But thinking about it made him feel…it felt…

…good…

It…it had to be natural.  Ren had just been a trigger.  If it had been anyone else, the same thing would have happened.  Hux forced himself to believe that Ren was entirely incidental to the situation.  He was sure if he could check with his datapad, do some research, he would discover just as much.  Of course, he would have to wait.  He did not want Ren to catch him looking up that sort of information.  The man would no doubt gloat over it, or worse, take it as some sort of signal.  Hux felt his mind forcing him to confront the reality of his situation.  Ren was stronger.  Ren was not allowing him a choice.  This is what his life was going to become.  Ren using his body, forcing him to react and… 

He kept his face turned away.  He did not want Ren to see him like this.  He had not cried since he had been an infant.  His eyes watered occasionally, automatically, if he was hit in the nose or dust flew up in his face or he tasted something particularly spicy, but he never cried.  Hux pressed a hand to his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, trying as desperately as he could to contain it.  He could not stop his mental spiral though.  Ren was going to rape him.  He was going to allow Ren to rape him.  He would become little more than a cheap whore with a title.  No, worse than a whore.  Whores got compensated.  What was the word?  Someone who threw themselves at their superiors in exchange for favors.  Someone who would give their body in exchange for their commission. 

…a slut…he was a… 

“Hux…shh…it’s…it’s okay…please don’t cry,” pleaded Ren, stroking his hair while he convulsed, trying and failing to hold his tears back. 

“I want…to be…alone…” begged Hux.  Why pretend he was above begging now?  After he’d been touched like that and was losing all semblance of composure, why even bother with pretending he had any sort of dignity?

“I…I can’t leave you like this…” said Ren, hugging him close, “I didn’t know you were sick, really, I didn’t.  I thought you were playing and being stubborn the way you usually do when you say no.  I didn’t mean to hurt you…please stop crying, please?  I didn’t…I didn’t mean it…”

“Leave me alone…stop touching me…” pleaded Hux, trying to shake Ren’s arms off of him.  He could try a take-down, but what was the point?  Ren had countered all of them when he had tried before…

“I can’t do that,” said Ren, his own voice quavering slightly, “You’re hurt…I didn’t mean to…I didn’t sense any pain so I thought…please don’t cry.  Don’t cry, please Hux?” 

Ren obviously was not going to stop until he calmed down.  The second this thought occurred to Hux it managed to push out all of the other ones.  He had to think about now.  This moment, not the future.  What did he need right now and what did he have to do in order to get it?  He needed to be left alone, and to get Ren to leave he would have to stop crying.  Hux focused on his breathing, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth, his exercise only thrown off by the occasional hitch or sob in his throat.  He was slowly making progress.  Tears stopped falling.  Ren leaned over and wiped at the hot stains on his cheeks that had been left behind.  He cooed softly and stroked Hux’s hair, “There, see?  It’s okay, you’ll be fine.  We’ll be landing soon.  Or is it your insomnia?  Are you overtired?  Do you need sleep?” 

Ren had mentioned he was not interested in Hux when he was sleeping.  He wanted to feel active emotions.  Ren would not do anything to him while he slept.  Hux knew it was a risk, but he had the knots.  He had tied them tightly.  The knots would protect him. 

“I have medicine in my kit.  It helps me sleep,” said Hux.  He tried to turn, but Ren stayed in place.  Hux tried to prop himself up to climb over him.  Ren pushed him back down and shushed him.  For a moment Hux nearly panicked again, but it subsided the moment it became clear that Ren was not interested in molesting him, the knight just wanted to keep him lying down on the bed.  Hux tried to reason with him, “Kylo, I need my kit bag.” 

“I’ll do it.  I can put you to sleep,” said Ren, using a massive hand to pin Hux down.  He kissed the back of Hux’s hair, “I’ll count down and you’ll fall asleep.” 

“Kylo, no, I have medicine for that,” said Hux insistently, “I want to take the medicine.  I’ll…I’ll let you give it to me.” 

Ren let go and leaned over Hux slightly.  Hux continued, “They’re pills.  I’ll let you put them in my mouth, let you help me drink to get them down.” 

“Will you sit in my lap?” asked Ren. 

Hux ground his teeth.  He did not want to get in the habit of sitting in the knight’s lap, especially not after what had happened just a few minutes ago.  However, he wanted Ren doing things to his brain even less.  That needed to be stopped at all costs.  His head was his first priority.  If things ever came down to a choice between letting Ren have his mind or his body, Hux had resolved to put the well being of his mind first.  Without his mind he was useless.  Hux nodded hesitantly, “Yes, I’ll even sit in your lap…” 

Ren let go almost immediately.  Hux pulled himself up to watch Ren go through his kit.  He scowled slightly.  He ought to have bugged it somehow.  Put some sort of charge on it.  He would have loved to watch Ren blow himself up.  It would have probably gotten them both killed in this confined space, but Hux figured he could die happy if the last thing he saw was Ren being ripped apart by a shrapnel-bomb. 

There was no bomb though, and soon Ren had his bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of water.  Hux settled on the side of the bunk, leaning over slightly so he would not hit his head.  Ren beside him.  There was a large stupid grin plastered across his face.  Hux could not look him in the eye.  After years of nothing phasing him, he found he simply could not will himself to look at Ren’s dark, hypnotizing eyes.  It was strange.  Just as Ren had started to muster up the courage to look him in the face, Hux’s had begun to falter.  It was as if Ren was stealing it from him, sucking it out of him like some sort of monster. 

Ren patted his legs and Hux shifted, getting up just enough to move over and settle himself across Ren’s lap.  He would fall asleep.  He would be vulnerable, but the knots he tied would protect him.  He had to believe that. 

Hux saw Ren’s hand enter his peripheral vision and opened his mouth enough to for the pills to be slipped between his lips.  He had not expected Ren to start tracing his lips with a finger.  Hux could see Ren parting his own lips, forming a soft, silent, ‘oh,’ as he watched his finger play over Hux’s lips.  He spoke softly, “I know you hate the word…but you have a pretty mouth.  Your lips are so pink.”  

Hux wanted to talk, to tell him to just give him his medicine, but he was sure Ren would drag this out longer if he did something displeasing.  He might withhold the pills like he had the clothing. 

Hux gasped and tried to pull back when a finger entered his mouth.  He tossed his head and Ren shushed him again, “It’s okay…I just need you to keep your mouth open wide for me.” 

Hux had no idea what the knight was trying to accomplish, but at one point he pressed his finger so far back into his mouth that Hux gagged on it.  He looked up at Ren, who shook one pill from the bottle and held it between his fingers up to Hux’s lips.  The General opened his mouth, allowing Ren to place it on his tongue and get this whole humiliating ordeal overwith.  The knight seemed satisfied by that and opened the bottle of water, pressing it to Hux’s lips.  Hux drank, washing down the pill as Ren pulled the bottle away.  Hux sighed, “That was all you needed to do.  I don’t see what that other business was about.” 

“Just checking your tonsils,” said Ren, holding Hux tightly against him, “How long do your pills take to work?” 

“Not long,” said Hux. 

“Your prescription changed, a few months ago.  I read it in your file.  Was something wrong with your old medicine?” asked Ren. 

“No…I was having nightmares.  These ones don’t let my brain have them,” explained Hux, already starting to feel groggy. 

“You have nightmares?” asked Ren. 

Hux nodded. 

“Me too.  I have them a lot…” said the knight quietly, “But…they stopped.  I think they stopped because of you.  I’ll protect you from yours too.” 

“Just want to sleep…” muttered Hux. 

“You will, I’ll make sure you have a good sleep,” said Ren soothingly.  Hux felt himself being tucked against the knight’s chest and shushed.  Ren continued to speak, “And when you wake up you’ll feel all better.  Shh…go to sleep for me…” 

Hux was going to sleep for himself, not Ren.  His eyes were beginning to flutter shut and as they did, he heard Ren whispering something.  The last thing that registered in his mind before sleep overtook him was a name. 

“Shh…goodnight Fleance.”

* * *

 

Hux woke again and immediately grabbed at his belt.  It was there, still tied securely.  He breathed a sigh of relief and looked about him.  He was still on the bunk, with a warm depression next to him.  Ren must have decided to sleep next to him. 

Hux looked about.  There was no sign of Ren.  He pushed the blanket off of himself and looked around the room.  No sign of him.  A dream?  No, probably not.  Hux paused to listen, hearing the whir of machines and the steady hum of air being pumped through the ship.  Finally he managed to filter something that was out of the ordinary.  A slick, slapping sound that was all too familiar from his time in the Academy dorms, and it was coming from the refresher. 

Again?  Already?  Hux checked the nearest time stamp and found that quite a few hours had passed, but still…he always thought, given how little other cadets had time to relieve themselves, it was normal to go at least a few weeks without contact, not hours.  Was he wrong or was Ren some insatiable monster? 

“Hux…oh Hux… _Hux_ …” 

Hux blanched and marched straight to the cockpit, not wanting to hear another word.  He picked up a headset.  Normally they were only there in case the coms went finicky and extra attention needed to be given to incoming messages.  Hux put them over his ears and blocked out the noise, curling up slightly in the pilot’s seat.  It seemed Ren had not touched his biscuits.  Just as well, Hux thought, taking one from the package and nibbling on it.  He listened to the white noise and checked the navigational instruments.  Just a few more hours.  He could hold Ren off for a few more hours. 

Part of Hux wondered what might have happened if he had given in.  If he had not resisted at all would Ren have lost interest?  Perhaps if he had let Ren have what he wanted the lack of a challenge would have made things less appealing.  Hux resisted the urge to shake his head.  There was an equally likely chance that Ren would have spent the last few months… 

Hux tried to focus on how long he had lasted.  He tried to tell himself that he had done well, but his thoughts always steered back to the fact that if he had been stronger, this never would have happened. 

He started when he felt something brush against his neck.  Hux flinched away and peered up past the brim of his hat.  Seeing Ren standing beside him, face slightly flushed, hands still wet and slightly soapy,

Hux removed the headset and turned his attention back to the controls.  He heard Ren settle into the co-pilot’s seat and spoke softly, “Feeling better?” 

“A little,” said Hux quietly. 

“You look nice in that,” said Ren, “And that hair colour isn’t that bad on you.” 

“Can we talk about the mission?” asked Hux quickly, “I thought all the Jedi were dead.  Where did this one come from?” 

“The Jedi Order is gone, and any attempts to revive it have been crushed,” corrected Ren, “Jedi still exist, but they tend to be hermits, wanderers, recluses.  People with the potential and talent to use the light will always exist.  Sometimes it’s passed through family lines, and other times it’s random, like a gene mutation.  Jedi and Sith will always exist, but orders come and go.”

“That explains choosing a tundra planet.  Will he be difficult for you to locate?” asked Hux. 

“Force users tend to feel distinct, so I should be able to find him,” said Ren. 

“Good…I don’t want to land in the wrong hemisphere,” said Hux, “And you need to interrogate him first?” 

“Yeah, so don’t let your trigger finger slip,” teased Ren. 

Hux glared at Ren from under his cap, “You realize snipers are specifically trained to be patient.” 

“Oh?” asked Ren teasingly. 

Hux took umbrage to that and continued, “I’ve been trained to be able to stay awake for up to seventy two hours, focused on a single spot, ready to take the perfect shot and eliminate my target in the cleanest, most efficient way possible.  I don’t slip.” 

Ren raised his hands in mock surrender, “Alright, I’ll stop teasing.  I’ll track him down, and if he gives me trouble, I’ll let you swoop in and save me.  I’m actually glad you’re a sniper.  I don’t want you getting in the way and getting hurt.” 

It was really too bad the Supreme Leader probably would have had him executed for shooting his apprentice.  Hux was positive Ren’s helmet would have made an excellent target against the snow.  He still wanted to live though.  The Order needed him alive.  He was not just some slut, Hux convinced himself, he was still a competent leader.  The Order needed him, and it unfortunately needed Ren as well. 

Ren took a datapad from his own rucksack and began tapping at it, typing something.  Hux sighed, “Who are you writing to?” 

“Grand Admiral Tarkin,” said Ren, a slight smile crossing his lips, “I like her.” 

“And to think, you nearly killed her,” said Hux, unable to completely mask his disappointment.  He glanced at Ren and asked quietly, “She hasn’t happened to mention the time she spent with the Republic, did she?” 

“Why?” asked Ren, still focused on his typing. 

“I haven’t heard of a single instance of her torture coming from the New Republic before.  If Tarkin spoke publicly about it, it would make the First Order seem more sympathetic,” explained Hux. 

“You know she hates being a figurehead,” said Ren, sounding slightly defensive. 

“But don’t you think this is something the galaxy ought to know about?  They speak from a place of supposed moral superiority and then torture…did she happen to mention when it happened?” asked Hux. 

Ren sat back and sighed, “She was twenty two.  She was on leave and got captured.  And it wasn’t the Republic, it was a group that splintered off from the Resistance.  That’s what she told me at least.” 

“So why hasn’t she said anything about this?” asked Hux. 

“I don’t know, I’m not her,” said Ren, slightly irritated, “Is this really how you want to spend our time together?  Talking about conspiracies and image and political needling?” 

“Yes,” said Hux.  He was not sure what possessed him to continue, but he felt compelled to press, “I want us to work well together.  It’s better for everyone that way.  Why can’t we focus on work for a while?  Practice working together and not being at each other’s throats.” 

“Because with you, it’s always work,” said Ren, slightly bitter, “Am I not as important as your precious First Order?” 

Hux was slightly startled, but when he thought about it he supposed it was only a matter of time before Ren decided he needed to be Hux’s top priority.  The General sighed, “You realize that I’ve dedicated my life to the First Order’s victory.  And that our arrangement is partially dependent on you not distracting me from my duties.” 

“But it doesn’t have to take up every second of your life.  When we get back to the Finalizer, you’ll have all the time you want for working, and I’ll go back to sneaking around security shift changes and staking out meeting rooms so I can kiss you.  I am so tired of always being second to a cause,” Ren snapped. 

He was getting angrier.  The Finalizer could withstand a tantrum, but the shuttle could not.  The second Ren lost his temper he might condemn them to a lackluster end in the dead of space.  Hux sighed, “Then what would you have me do?  I’m not feeling well, and when we land we have a mission to focus on.” 

Ren sighed through his nose, “My father left, my mother was always away, then she _sent_ me away.  I know I was never their primary concern.  It was always…there was always something more important.  And I know the Order is going to be the center of your universe but…can you at least pretend I’m the most important thing in your life when we have time and we’re alone?  I don’t have to be, just…if you could pretend…” 

It somehow figured there would be some sort of deep-seeded parental issue driving Ren’s psychosis.  That always seemed to be the case.  Hux recalled, in addition to being an insatiable pervert, Ren also wanted personal attention.  He muttered, “I’ll ask again, what would you have me do?” 

Ren looked away.  At least he had lost his boldness.  Hux was still reeling from Ren’s last attempt at intimacy.  The knight spoke quietly, “Let me hold you?” 

“Kylo, I’m flying a shuttle…” muttered Hux.  He did not want to be touched.  Not again.  Not after… 

“Trust me, you can fly a shuttle while you’re sitting in someone’s lap.  I’ve seen it done before,” said Ren.  He moved to stand again, “Come on, you’ll see.” 

Hux begrudgingly stood.  He did not want to sit in the lap of a man who had just finished masturbating to him.  The shuttle was far too fragile a place for Ren to get angry though.  It was like placating a small, horrible child.  Ren sat in the pilot’s seat and pulled him down again.  Hux tried to ignore the heat against his back and underneath him while he adjusted the controls to suit his new, very uncomfortable position.  Ren’s nose pressed against his shoulder and the knight sighed contentedly.  Hux felt a pair of arms snake around his waist and settle there.  The knight tugged at the belt. 

“Did you tie this?” he asked. 

“Obviously,” said Hux, keeping his focus on the navigation equipment. 

“It looks nice.  Really intricate,” said Ren, plucking at the knots with his long fingers, “It’s not too hard to take off?” 

“I don’t want that right now,” said Hux quickly. 

“I meant if you need to use the washroom,” said Ren with a light laugh.  He chided softly in Hux’s ear, “Seems like my way of thinking is finally starting to rub off on you…” 

“With the way you’ve been acting, what was I supposed to think?” snapped Hux. 

“And with the way you looked, how was I supposed to act?” laughed Ren.  He squeezed gently, “You were beautiful, and so docile.  I’m glad nobody else knows you can look and sound so sexy.  I’d have to fight off an army of admirers.” 

Hux ground his teeth at the word ‘docile.’  He needed to change the subject, “So who’s Flay-ance?” 

“Hm?” asked Ren. 

“Before I fell asleep I could have sworn you said the name Fleance,” said Hux. 

“Oh, I figured we should have fake names, in case someone asks.  You can’t use the name Hux or a serial number,” said Kylo.  He gave Hux another squeeze, “I think Fleance suits you.” 

“Fleance?” repeated Hux disbelievingly, “What manner of name is Fleance?  Did you make it up?” 

“No, I read it in a book,” said Ren, sounding offended, “It was this story about a man who was prophesised to become king, but the children of his best friend would be kings in the future.” 

“Oh, so the man had a daughter and the friend’s child married the princess,” reasoned Hux. 

“Well, no,” said Ren awkwardly, “Though, maybe that would have made more sense.  The man usurped the king, killed his friend and everyone who opposed him.  Eventually he was murdered and his friend’s son took the throne and became king.  His name was Fleance.” 

“I appreciate the regality of the name, but it’s hardly threatening.  It sounds like…like some sort of fabric,” muttered Hux. 

“I think it suits you,” insisted Ren, “It sounds soft, pure, sweet…” 

“I’m none of those things…” growled Hux. 

“You can say that, but I’ve seen you…touched you…tasted you…” said Ren, giving the belt around Hux’s waist a tug with every pause. 

“You can’t call me Fleance.  Why not Brendol?  My father’s name was Brendol,” argued Hux, trying not to think about Ren calling him pure and sweet, “If it’s just for the mission, it shouldn’t matter, and if we’re using fake names it ought to be one I can remember and quickly respond to.” 

“But Fleance suits you,” protested Ren, “Do you really want to be named after your father?  He sounds like he was awful.” 

“CO…what about Conrad?  Conrad sounds like a good, strong name,” suggested Hux, “It’s an old Impirial name, I could remember it well enough.”

“It’s two letters away from ‘comrade’,” sighed Ren.  He kissed the shell of Hux’s ear, “I like Fleance.  I’ve been thinking of a name for you ever since you told me you didn’t have one.  I like this one best.” 

“I don’t want to be called Fleance,” said Hux flatly. 

“It’ll grow on you,” promised Ren.  He squeezed Hux and nuzzled the crook of his neck, “My Fleance…” 

The odd name aside, Hux almost preferred it this way.  He could pretend Ren was talking about someone else.  Hearing him say ‘my Fleance’ was much less jarring than ‘my Hux’.  He sighed and checked the navigator.  Just a few more hours. 

“And what am I calling you?” asked Hux, though he could have cared less. 

“Rax.  Rax Mathrik.  If anyone asks, I’m a bounty hunter,” said Ren. 

Hux rolled his eyes, “Of course you are…” 

* * *

 

Bonus Stupidity

 

"Alright Captain, here he comes..." 

Phasma sighed as she and the massive hologram of the Supreme Leader crouched in the women's lavatory.  Lieutenant Mitaka was wandering down the hall, looking over a datapad.  As he approached, Snoke pushed her out the door and on top of the lieutenant. 

"Oh no," groaned Phasma, "This is sooooo embarrassing.  I'm so sorry lieutenant." 

Mitaka let out a croak and gasped for breath as he lay crushed under the weight of Phasma's armour.  Phasma turned and looked up at Snoke, "See?  I told you this would happen.  Now we need to take him to medical." 

"You weren't even trying!" snapped Snoke, throwing his arm up over his eyes melodramatically, "Don't you care about _my_ womanly needs!?" 

Phasma picked up Mitaka by the collar, who looked about in a daze, "Where am I...?  What's happening?" 

"Oh good, he's delirious," said Snoke, moving forward, "You were about to ask Captain Phasma on a date." 

"Was I?" asked Mitaka, before he fainted, hanging limply by his collar in Phasma's grip. 

"And I've helped another young couple find love," said Snoke, satisfied with himself as he sighed, "I am such a good person..." 


	28. Over Hillls and Mountains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chunk of chapters will be mission-related plot. Also they're pretty much on planet Steampunk.

Ren directed the landing.  Hux had been expecting them to set up camp somewhere in the bleak wilderness.  He had anticipated living out of the shuttle for a while, a week at most, as they staked out where this Jedi was hiding.  He had survival training for just this sort of scenario and knew how to use all of the field equipment.  More importantly he knew how to wait.  He had been perfectly prepared to spend the next week in a prone position looking through a scope and waiting for Ren to finish his part of the job. 

He had not expected Ren to point out a settlement and say, “There.” 

“There?” asked Hux, “I thought you said Jedi were recluses?  That’s a decent sized village by the look of it.” 

“The Force…the signal I guess, it’s getting muddled.  I’m starting to pick up more than one presence,” said Ren, his brow furrowing. 

“There’s more than one?” asked Hux. 

“At least two…and many with potential.  Not strong enough to be of any threat, but they could probably have the capacity to learn to sense people and maybe move small objects,” explained Ren. 

“Perhaps he was trying to find allies here…” Hux mused to himself.  Another Jedi trying to establish a school?  No wonder the Supreme Leader had sent Ren to stop him.  A second massacre would send an explicitly clear message to any Jedi foolhardy enough to stand in their way. 

“This place feels…strong with the Force.  At least for those who use the light.  It’s calm, consistent, isolated…” said Ren, “They tend to favor inhospitable places like deserts, islands, tundra, and swamps.” 

“And the dark side?” asked Hux. 

“We can thrive just about anywhere, but we prefer to have other people around us.  Any place with the potential for chaos and extreme emotion is fine,” explained Ren, “We also prefer more volatile climates, places with lots of storms, earthquakes, volcanos…” 

Hux looked about.  The landscape was mostly barren, with yellowish looking grass and a few shrubs growing in the inhospitable ground.  It was also littered with snow that seemed to be melting.  If he remembered right, they ought to have been arriving during this planet’s spring season.  The mountains were still capped with snow, and the uneven ground would make it hard to find a decent place to land their craft.  It ought to be out of the way enough that locals would not want to bother with getting nosy or trying to loot it, but close enough that the town might be accessible if there was an emergency.  Hux spotted a clear space and brought the craft down. 

“I’ll be outside,” said Hux, cutting the engine and picking up his kit.

“I’d rather you wait for me to go with you,” said Kylo firmly. 

“I’ve lived on ships for most of my life.  Being on planets is incredibly jarring.  I get sensory overload every time I step off a shuttle,” explained Hux, “I need to take some time adjusting.” 

“What if there’s trouble?  Animals?  I want to take care of you,” said Kylo. 

“That’s exactly why I need to be alone when I do it.  Touch can aggravate it.  I need to adjust to the climate, sounds, smells, everything, and with someone touching me on top of all of that it’s almost unbearable,” said Hux firmly, “If you want to help, take your time getting your disguise on.” 

Already the lack of sound coming from an engine was starting to get to him.  His mind was telling him to panic.  If there were no engines that meant life-support and gravity would fail.  No engines meant he had about thirty minutes to- No.  He was on a planet.  Planets did not have engines.  It was alright.  Still, there was no white noise and the silence was deafening.  He could hear every little thing that was out of place.  The wind.  Kylo’s clothes rustling as he got up.  His breathing.  Shrubs rustling outside.  The distant sound of birds. 

Hux let out a long sigh.  He had made it.  He had managed to keep Kylo mostly off of him for more than a day all on his own.  That was…something.  There had been some close calls, but he had done it.  He knew eventually, eventually he would have to give in to the knight’s demands.  For the good of the First Order it was the best way to keep the knight firmly on their side, and Hux had accepted that, but for now he had won.  He had kept Kylo Ren out of his pants and he allowed himself the luxury of being proud of that for just a moment. 

He gathered up the Assassin Rifle’s case and slung it over his shoulder.  He crossed the shuttle and braced himself before deploying the gangplank. 

Immediately Hux gasped and wrapped his arms around himself.  It was freezing.  He could smell cold earth and melting water.  The scent of pollen smacked his nose and if it had not been for the cold it would have started running instantly.  The wind on his bare cheek felt like a knife.  It ripped through his clothes and Hux instinctively contracted all his muscles in an attempt to shut it out.  It was dusk, but the colours were still strange to him.  The colour did not come from lights, and there was not an inch of grey or steel in sight.  The melting snow was blinding, and the yellows and greens were too vibrant. 

He stood before he willed himself to take a few shaky steps down the gangplank.  It was best to throw himself into it, like submerging himself quickly in cold water.  It was painful, but overall the best solution.  Hux tugged the collar of his jacket up higher to cover his neck.  Perhaps he ought to have grabbed another sash to use as a scarf.  He could already feel his face and neck starting to freeze. 

“You okay?” asked Kylo.  Hux was a little envious at how quickly Ren seemed to adjust, but he had presumably lived on a planet for an extended amount of time and made frequent trips away from the Finalizer.  He was wearing a heavy black coat and black trousers.  Hux wondered if he owned anything that was not black.  The knight pulled at his coat, “Are you cold?  You can have my jacket.” 

“No, let me adjust,” said Hux adamantly, crossing his arms for warmth, “I should be alright by the time we set up camp.” 

“We’re going to town,” corrected Ren, “We aren’t sleeping outside.” 

Hux furrowed his brow, “I thought this Jedi we’re looking for wouldn’t be living in a town.  We have to catch him before he tries to run.” 

“I think if he was going to run he would have done it already,” said Ren, scanning over the terrain, “He must have sensed me long before we landed.  And with all the interference from Force-sensitives in the town, he’ll be hard to pin down.  It would be best to ask locals where he can usually be found before we stake out a spot.” 

It made sense, but Hux was not comfortable with the idea.  He did not want people seeing him like this.  He did not want anyone watching when Ren inevitably decided to wrap his arms around him and kiss him.  He did not want anyone hearing him make those wretched, weak noises when Ren kissed his neck or fumbled under his clothes.  Besides, if they were camping, Hux could make up a million and one reasons why Ren should leave him alone.  Needing to fetch water, minding a fire, setting up snares, hunting, watching out through his scope… 

If they were staying at some inn or hostel or hotel, there was nothing Hux would be able to think of to stop him.  Ren would only respect his space for so long, and Hux could not pretend to be ill the whole time. 

Hux looked out towards the mountains.  Something in his bones and his gut instinctively told him it was going to happen here.  This was the place Ren would finally take him.  It was…good, Hux tried to convince himself.  He would be able to return to his room on the Finalizer and pretend it had not happened.  His shame could remain behind him here and he would never have to associate his ship or his uniform with the act.  More importantly there would be no witnesses to it.  He could pretend it was the pollen getting to him, a sort of spring-fever.  He could convince himself he had not given in, not really. 

And even if he had given in, he had good reason to.  He was making a good strategic move that would help him accomplish his goals.  Ren would be peaceable, malleable, easier to use, and Hux would reap the benefit of that.  The knight had said it himself, he wanted to worship him.  With Ren so eager to please it would be easy for Hux to get him to do any sort of mission or errand.  The location was ideal.  Hux wondered briefly if this had also been part of the Supreme Leader’s reasoning for sending him.  If so, it was bizarrely merciful of him to give Hux an opportunity to give himself to Ren in a more comfortable setting. 

“Come on, let’s get you to town before you freeze,” said Ren gently, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket. 

Hux nodded and allowed himself to be lead away from the shuttle. 

* * *

 

Never again.  Hux never wanted to go on a mission away from the Finalizer again. 

His face felt numb, he could barely breathe through his nose, the heavy clothing barely kept him warm, the uneven ground made him unsteady, and the sounds made his head pound.  It seemed as soon as he got used to one sound or sensation, there were a hundred more to disorient him.  He had stopped to pull handkerchiefs from his kit, pressing them to his nose to stop it from running and to hopefully block out the smells.  He hated this.  He was a grown man but he felt like an infant, experiencing sight and smell and sound for the first time. 

Hux considered it a great personal accomplishment that he had refused all help on the way to the town.  Ren had offered his coat, his gloves, an extra scarf, and even to carry his equipment for him.  Hux had refused, always saying he needed to adjust, which was true, but not his only reason.  He could take care of himself.  He did not need coddling.  He was strong and he would survive this on his own merit, not Ren’s pity. 

Nothing was written in standard, which Hux told himself he ought to have expected, but found annoying all the same.  He pulled out his datapad briefly and held it up to signs, letting the translator interpret the strange letters.  Shoe Shop, Hunting Equipment, Tailor…Hux finally said one that said ‘lodging.’  It looked horribly rundown, but he pointed out the sign to Ren anyways, “That’s an inn, I think.  We want to look for a sign like that.” 

Ren squinted at it, “I don’t think I can remember all those letters.” 

“I can,” said Hux, “I’ll point them out as I see them.” 

The town was more or less dead, with good reason.  There was barely any daylight when they arrived.  Occasionally they spotted someone emerging from a building, light a lantern, and then return inside.  Hux looked up at the sky and found it surprisingly clear.  He was not used to looking at stars and planetary systems from this angle.  Normally he looked from a viewpoint, but craning his neck to look made it all seem different, so much vaster and far away. 

They walked along, Hux trying to ignore his aching senses as he pointed out a second inn, “There’s this one.” 

“It looks better than the last one, and we need to get you inside,” said Ren.  He laced his fingers into Hux’s.  The General was so numb he had no idea Ren had taken his hand until the knight began to pull him forward. 

It was more comfortable than a wrist lock, but the principle was the same.  With their fingers laced, Hux could only hold his wrist upright and was more or less forced to walk shoulder to shoulder with the knight.  He could not look at Ren’s face, the brim of his cap kept his eyes out of sight, but Hux could see his mouth twisted in concern and dissatisfaction. 

As they opened the door, Hux felt himself being hit by a blast of heat and new smells.  His nose began to run all over again as it warmed up and he imagined he could feel his face expand under the heat.  He paused, gritting his teeth as he waited for the pain to pass.  Ren, the bastard, seemed fine, and flagged down the first person he saw. 

“We need a place to stay,” he said assertively. 

The person he found, a young woman with a long, brown braid hanging over her shoulder and a long woolen dress motioned to a desk, “I’ll get my brother to help you.  I can’t write.” 

She couldn’t write?  This must have been one of the more backwards planets where women were rarely educated.  It was a good thing Phasma was not with them.  She would have been livid.  Hux moved forward, his ears bombarded by the sounds of a strange language and what sounded like clattering dishes.  The young woman glanced at him, “Is your friend alright?  He looks frost-bitten.” 

“This is my lover, Fleance,” said Ren with a grin.  Hux glared at him as the knight continued, “Can you find him a warm place to rest?  A hot drink?  He’s exhausted.” 

“Of course,” she said amiably. 

Judging from the piteous look she gave him, Hux must have looked nearly as bad as he felt.  He was probably pink in the face from cold and walking, bundled up in clothes that did not fit right, hunched over, trying to keep himself warm.  Trying to wave her off Hux insisted, “I’m fine.  I’ll help make arrangements.” 

“It’s alright, go warm up,” said Ren.  He looked at the woman, “He’s stubborn.  You might have to drag him.” 

Hux sighed through his nose.  He did not want to make a scene when he was supposed to be laying low.  If the two of them started a row it would hardly be productive.  What was the worst Ren could do, anyways?  Tell everyone his name was Fleance?  It would be annoying and Hux would dislike it, but it was mostly harmless.  The woman motioned for Hux to follow her through a doorway into another room.  

Earthy was a good way to describe the building.  It was made with stone and some sort of whitish plaster.  The tables and chairs were all made from some dark, polished wood.  Flying low Hux had seen that there were some forests on this planet, but they were sparse, with most of the area being covered by tundra and melting snow.  His nose had mostly stopped running now, the condition becoming slightly more manageable, so he could smell smoke, alcohol, something like potatoes roasting on a fire.  Men and women looked up at him as he passed.  It was no small wonder, he probably drew a lot of attention to himself, looking as strange as he did in his oversized clothing and jet black hair. 

The woman sat him down near a stove, one that was burning some sort of rock.  Coal?  That was something Hux had never expected to see.  A place that still used coal as an energy source.  With all the mountains it was not so surprising, and probably more economical than using wood, which seemed to be in short supply and needed for making shelters.  The woman looked him over, “You don’t seem like you’re from here.  What do you usually drink?” 

Hux recalled that Ren disliked touching him when he was drunk and replied, “Whiskey?” 

“I’ve never heard of that…” she mumbled, “What is it?” 

“It’s a drink made with fermented grains.  It’s a strong, alcoholic drink,” explained Hux. 

“Do you like vodka?” she asked, “I suppose it’s close to the same thing.  We make it with potatoes.” 

“That sounds fine,” said Hux, “What’s your name?” 

“Masha,” she replied. 

“Thank you, Masha,” said Hux, committing the name to memory.  If they were going to be staying here for a long time he might as well be on friendly terms with the staff. 

“And your name is Fleance.  It sounds like a nice name,” Masha replied sweetly.  Hux thought of a few creative ways he might kill Ren as she left to get his drink. 

Hux unstrapped the Assassin from his back and set it on the floor gently.  It was a discreet case, but with the size and hard shell-casing it was probably easy for everyone in the room to guess he was carrying a weapon.  Hopefully it would not stand out too much.  Hux had noticed some shops for hunting goods, so a rifle would not be too out of place.  If anyone asked he could say he was on a hunting expedition.  It was not a complete lie. 

He scanned the room for someone who might know something about their Jedi target.  If he was a recluse, he probably did not come to close to the town, so anyone who looked too clean or neat was out.  Chances were the Jedi, Aroka, would interact with hunters, scavengers, mountaineers, people who would have wandered further out.  There were a few people who seemed to match that description in the tavern area.  They spoke loudly in a language that was unfamiliar to Hux.  He watched them carefully, trying to pick up any sort of patterns, words that would repeat themselves.  When in conversation the listener often nodded and said, ‘Tak’.  Tak must have been an affirmative response.  As he watched, he quickly learned how to say, ‘one more please,’ and what might have been, ‘cheers.’

Masha returned with a small glass of the ‘vodka’ stuff and Hux accepted it.  He drank it as quickly as he could.  He was not interested in how it tasted, he just wanted to get warm and drunk. 

“Do you like it?” asked Masha. 

“Tak.  Yee-shyoh ahd-nooh puh-zhah-luh-stuh,” said Hux smoothly. 

Masha’s brow arched, “How long have you been on Hathan?” 

“A few hours,” replied Hux. 

“Da is better for yes,” said Masha, still slightly stunned. 

“Da,” repeated Hux, “And no?” 

“Niet,” replied the woman.

“How about, leave me alone?” asked Hux. 

“Aht-stahn,” said Masha. 

“Aht-stahn,” repeated Hux, memorizing the phrase carefully, “Spuh-see-buh.” 

“Nyeh-zuh-shtoh,” replied Masha, leaving to get another glass of vodka. 

Ren approached shortly after Hux began nursing his second glass of vodka.  It was about as strong as whiskey, possibly stronger, so he could probably have four or five glasses and still feel comfortable.  The knight looked over Hux and groaned slightly, “When I said a drink to warm you up, I meant caf.” 

“Well I’m warmer now, and wasn’t that the whole point?” asked Hux, “Did you manage to get a room?” 

“Yeah,” said Ren, passing Hux the key, “You want to go lie down?” 

“No,” said Hux, before covering his face with a handkerchief, just in case someone could read lips and whispered, “But I want to sweep the room, set up some monitors, just to be safe.” 

“If it’ll help you sleep better,” said Ren with a shrug, “But you really don’t need to.  I can protect you.” 

Hux drained his glass and passed it to Ren, “It will make me feel better, so I hope you won’t try to stop me.” 

Ren shrugged and took Hux’s seat by the stove when he got up.  Hux slung the Assassin over his shoulder again and made his way out of the tavern.  He checked the key, which had a small, flat stone tied to it with something inscribed.  Hux could not read it exactly, but there was a sign with an arrow that pointed up a set of stares with a similar set of characters on it.  He went up, jumping slightly as the stairs squeaked under his weight.  It was unnerving.  Stairs were not supposed to squeak… 

They squeaked all the way up and Hux ventured down the hall.  The doors all had little inscriptions on them, and Hux checked them until he found one that matched the stone tied to the key.  He opened the door and took a quick survey of the room.  It was cold, which was hardly surprising given there was no heat source and the door had been closed.  There was a stove in the corner and an empty bucket beside it.  Hux supposed if they wanted the room heated they would have to purchase the coal separately, which was quite crafty of the proprietor, Hux had to admit.   He also noticed there was only one bed.  Of course there was only one bed.  Ren would have made that explicitly clear. 

Hux set to work looking over the room, combing over surfaces in the dark.  There were candles, but he had no matches, and he did not want to waste his datapad’s energy by using it as a flashlight.  He did not see a charging port anywhere.  Going over the room quickly it looked like there was nothing to worry about.  Their window looked out into the street, which was mostly empty.  It was a decent view.  If someone was coming Hux thought he could make several clean shots from here before he was discovered.  He could not see over the building opposite the inn though, so he would be limited to the street. 

It took a few moments to set up bugs.  Just small, discreet devices that would scan anyone who entered the room and send a message to Hux’s datapad when it happened.  It ought to be easy to tell the differences between staff and possible assailants, especially if someone entered the room and never left.  Hux set them by the doors and windows and was satisfied with his work, ready to rejoin Ren in the tavern sooner than he had expected. 

He had needed to use the washroom though.  Ren had unfortunately been right, the intricate knots in his sashes made it difficult to get his clothing on and off.  Of course, that was the whole point of them, and Hux convinced himself it was worth the effort, even if he had to spend somewhere around ten minutes untying them.  He washed his hands and retied the sashes into the pattern he had set before.  As he left the room he heard a dull tone from his datapad.  Good, the scanners worked in spite of the cold.  Hux carefully closed the door and headed back down the squeaky stairs.  He was not sure he liked being in a location that felt like a dead end.  If all else failed he could jump out a window he supposed.  At least this place would be easily defensible with high ground and a narrow hall. 

Re-entering the tavern, Hux found himself at the center of unwanted attention.  This time though it was not a quick studying glance before patrons returned to their drinks.  The whole room was silent.  Everyone had turned to stare at him.  Was it the Assassin, still strapped to his back that was causing this?  Surely nobody had recognized him.  The only hair on his face that had not been dyed were his eyelashes, and they would have been very difficult to spot.  Nothing ought to have given him away. 

He caught Ren staring at him smugly.  What had he done now…? 

“Fleance,” said Ren playfully, “Has been travelling with me ever since.  Haven’t you?” 

Hux blinked.  He had been telling a story?  What sort of story was it?  How was he supposed to confirm details?  Did he want to confirm the details?  There was no denying that they had been travelling together though, so he nodded quietly and began skirting around the room, trying and failing to be inconspicuous. 

Someone said something in another language before someone else asked in heavily accented standard, “What sort of slave was he?” 

Hux’s eyes widened as his attention snapped to Ren.  Slave!?  He was so offended and so blindsided that all he could do was stare in disbelief, his lips parted as he tried to think of something to say in retaliation. 

“A _pleasure_ slave,” said Ren, grinning over at Hux. 

Hux marched angrily towards Ren, who sat by the stove, looking him over playfully.  The General bent over beside him to hiss into his ear, “What in kriffing hell are you doing!?” 

Ren coolly moved back and audaciously pushed Hux’s bangs from his eyes and straightened his cap.  He continued what must have been his story, “Like I said, I took a job delivering a pleasure slave for the Hutts, but when I saw my cargo…I knew this was one delivery I wouldn’t be making.  I trust you can see why for yourselves.  Isn’t he striking?” 

Hux’s eyes flicked back to Ren’s audience.  They were listening to him and to the ones who had volunteered as translators with rapt attention.  Hux ground his teeth.  There were at least twenty people in the room, and they did not have an ounce of sense to share between them.  As if he could have been a kriffing pleasure slave!  Him!  A scrawny, gangly, pale, almost thirty-year-old virgin in some metal outfit with a chain around his neck, dancing for some Hutt or another.  It was ridiculous. 

“How did he become a slave?” someone asked. 

Ren looked at Hux expectantly.  Hux stood up and snarled, “Oh, yes, do tell everyone how I became a pleasure slave.  No point in salvaging this mess, is there!?”  

“It’s a bit of a sore subject,” said Ren, apologetically. 

“I’m going to sit at the bar,” growled Hux. 

“You won’t stay, Fleance?” someone called. 

Hux stood as straight as he could, though he must have looked outlandish with his dark hair and oversized clothing.  He surveyed the crowd in front of him and snarled in a low voice, “Aht-stahn.” 

He turned on his heel, and for once left Kylo Ren to work through the aftermath of someone else losing their temper.  Hux sat at the bar and called for a glass of vodka in the Hathan language.  He tried to drown out the murmurs and whispers with more vodka.  It was not working, but Hux kept trying anyways, a sentiment that might have described his attempts at refusing Ren for the last few months. 

“He’s quick to learn.  Very clever.  It’s part of why he was so valuable,” Hux heard Ren explain, “And very shy.  He was…meant to be enjoyed privately.  Lots of people giving him attention startles him.” 

So Ren was going to talk himself into a hole.  Glancing up he saw Ren occasionally wave his hand emphatically.  Ren was not usually a hand-talker.  Hux sipped his vodka and watched carefully as Ren continued, “Where were we…oh, right.  Fleance was captured while he was trying to rescue a friend who had been taken, frozen in carbonite.  He died, unfortunately.  An accident during the freezing process.  It took months to mend his poor, broken heart…” 

Hux rolled his eyes.  This story of Ren’s was becoming more outrageous by the second.  Carbonite freezing was an outdated technology.  How on earth could anyone believe such idiocy?  A few women sighed at the story and looked over at him sympathetically.  Hux pulled his cap further over his eyes and continued to nurse his drink.  Taking time to taste it, he found it was milder than whiskey.  He almost thought he liked this stuff better.  Perhaps he might bring a bottle or two back with him. 

“And now we travel together, doing jobs, dodging Hutts.  We’re on reprieve now, taking a break from all the running we do,” explained Ren. 

Suddenly Hux could feel eyes on him.  Not Ren’s, he was paying attention to his captive audience.  Men and maybe some of the women, sizing him up, trying to figure out what he looked like beneath his jacket.  He watched Ren carefully.  Why wasn’t he stopping them?  Not that Hux wanted him to, but if he was going to attack anybody who had lewd thoughts about him on the Finalizer, why was Ren encouraging them here?  It made no sense…And in the meantime he could hear words in the Hathan tongue being spoken in the same tone that Ren used when he called Hux soft and pretty.  Hux cringed as he heard the hungry, sexual tone.  Was Ren punishing him?  For what, Hux had no idea, but the knight might have been doing it all the same.

Finally having had enough of this, Hux stood and shoved his glass aside, “I’m going to bed.” 

“Hm?  I couldn’t hear you, love,” said Ren smugly. 

“I said I’m going to bed,” repeated Hux. 

“I still didn’t quite catch that.  Come a little closer,” said Ren, beckoning him over with a finger. 

Hux growled to himself and moved so he could whisper to Ren again, “What?” 

“As far as everyone on this planet knows, I rescued you.  You’re grateful to me.  You adore me.  If you don’t want to make anyone suspicious, you’d best say goodnight properly,” instructed Ren, “Now put down your gun and kiss me goodnight.” 

Hux ground his teeth and pulled back to set the Assassin aside.  He felt like a small child again, being ordered to give some visitor or other a kiss on the cheek against his will.  He leaned in with the intention of doing just that.  Giving Ren a quick peck on the cheek and leaving as quickly as he could. 

The knight had other plans, hooking an arm around Hux’s waist and flipping him to sit across his lap.  He kissed Hux deeply and the General felt his face burn with humiliation as he heard laughter and whistling.  He tapped Ren’s shoulder twice, something he thought was a universal sign for wanting to stop and be allowed up again.  Ren continued to kiss him, cradling his head in his other arm so he had nowhere to pull back to, his legs up in the air, ready and willing to kick Ren in the side of the head.  And Hux would have done it.  If there was any way he thought he could have gotten away with it, he would have.  But Ren had a small platoon of people convinced of his stupid story, and Hux would have caused unnecessary suspicion and drawn too much attention if he lashed out too much. 

Ren finally pulled back and stared down at him.  Hux could still feel eyes on him, and now Ren was looking as well, appraising him, no doubt imagining doing all manner of depraved things to him.  They were all imagining him as some sexual plaything.  Hux was used to being stared at in awe.  To being feared and respected by everyone the second he walked into a room.  It was bad enough when one person stared at him like a piece of choice meat, but an entire room full of people watching, fantasizing, undressing him in their minds… 

Unable to stand it, and just drunk enough to think it was a good idea, Hux hid his face in Ren’s neck.  The knight patted his hip gently before addressing his audience, “I told you, he’s very shy…”

 

**Bonus Stupidity:**

“So, uh, are you having a good time?” asked Mitaka.

Phasma groaned and drummed her fingers on her armour.She hadn’t bothered touching any of the food set out in front of her.Hell, she hadn’t even removed her helmet.The Finalizer’s cantina had been converted into something that vaguely resembled a restaurant, complete with dimmed lights, flowers and candles.

“Pst!” hissed a voice behind Phasma, “Pssssssst!”

Phasma sharply turned and saw the Supreme Leader’s hologram, in a dress and wig, very poorly disguised as an old woman.He whispered, “Say you like him.”

“I’m not doing that, Sir,” grumbled Phasma.

“I am not a ‘sir!’I am Gladys Imawomanjensen!” protested the Supreme Leader.

“You’re not fooling anyone, sir,” replied Phasma.

“Captain, you really shouldn’t be so rude to harmless old ladies,” protested Mitaka, albeit somewhat meekly.

“Am I the only person on this ship who isn’t deranged!?” demanded Phasma.

“No, but you’re the only one ruining your date!” said Snoke, “Why can’t you be more attentive to my womanly needs!?”

“You keep saying those words and I don’t think you know what they mean,” said Phasma.

“Maybe…maybe this isn’t working out,” said Mitaka.

Phasma sighed.He sounded so dejected and pathetic that it actually made her feel bad.She glanced down at her plate, grabbed a fistful of bread from the basket, and shoved it against her helmet, “Mm…delicious food…I’m enjoying the date.”She leaned back slightly and asked, “Is he buying it?”

“Captain, you’re a horrible actress.You’ll never convince anyone that you’re truly-”

“Then…maybe we could do this again sometime?” asked the Lieutenant.

Snoke’s wig nearly slid off as he turned sharply and muttered to himself, “Dear crap, I’ve shipped her with a moron.”


	29. On the spree one day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus will be added when I have the time. Travelling again at the moment. Also, Hux discovers the joys of Space!Google translate.

Hux did not sleep that night.  It was not unusual for him to spend nights lying awake, working, reading, doing something productive.  This was the first night since before his insomnia was properly diagnosed that he simply lay in bed with his eyes open and absorbed all of the sounds and smells around him.  The room was strange and unfamiliar, so Hux had plenty of material to keep his senses occupied with.  It was also cold, in spite of the coal they had purchased for the heater.  Perhaps they had done something wrong.  Hux felt he ought to get out of bed and have a look at it, see if there was a vent or something to adjust to heat the room better. 

If Kylo Ren had not been tangled around him, he would have checked. 

On any other occasion, Hux would have completely loathed their position, but the cold made Ren’s body heat more welcome than usual.  Hux allowed Ren to wrap around him, feeling much needed heat at his back seep through his clothes and into his skin.  Once or twice during the night he found himself pressing back, trying to get just a little more warmth.  It was not as if his own body did not produce heat all on its own, but Ren was like having a miniature furnace pressed against his back. 

A furnace that wanted to fuck him, the sensible part of his brain tried to remind him.  The part of his brain that registered cold promptly told it to shut up. 

Occasionally during the night Ren’s breathing would change its rhythm, or he would draw Hux closer to him.  Hux maintained that he would enjoy company in bed if it were on his own terms.  Perhaps a small animal curled against the back of his legs or tucked under his chin.  He thought back to Tarkin’s animal, Millicent, and that purring noise she made while her whole body vibrated.  He would not have minded that at all. 

Instead he was lying with an entirely different sort of animal.  One that could walk, talk, perform complex tasks, and yet could not quantify what ‘no’ meant if he was being refused something he wanted.  Ren was, strangely, little more than an animal in Hux’s mind.  He gave into desires so easily, was so unabashedly emotional, and so violent.  More than that, he was unstable.  There was no questioning his lack of empathy, which might have been a useful trait for an attack-dog, but it was mixed with something more.  Ren clearly had anxiety, and possibly something else, something that kept the chemicals in his brain imbalanced and made being refused so excruciating he would defy all logic and ignore hard evidence in order to get what he wanted.

Hux was not a medical doctor, but he understood chemistry.  He needed to figure out what was out of balance so he could medicate Ren.  Not enough to kill his bloodlust and make him useless as a fighter, but just enough that he could comprehend the word ‘no’.  Hux knew he could do it.  He had easily slipped him brandy laced with Ren Shadis Leaf.  With his ability to hide his thoughts, it would be a very simple task.  All he had to do was tell Ren he wanted to take his meals with him.  The knight would be surely jump at the chance to spend time together, and Hux would be able to slip him drugs until he found a concoction that worked. 

He would still be obeying orders.  He would do nothing to dampen or hinder Ren’s attraction to him, he would just be putting himself in a position of control.  If it was just a matter of giving small tokens of affection, Hux had adjusted to that.  He could stomach letting the knight lie in bed with him and stroking his long, dark hair.  Perhaps, given enough mental preparation, he might even have sex with Ren if he could be counted upon to stop when prompted and leave if asked.  They would both benefit.  Ren would have whatever was wrong with him fixed, and Hux would be able to reclaim some much needed control.  He just needed to figure it out.  Anti-social personality disorder, anxiety and something else…something else… 

Ren mumbled something unintelligible against his hair and squeezed tighter.  Hux sighed and leaned back against the knight.  No amount of medication was going to be able to fix the lies he had spread in the tavern.  Hux still could not believe how eagerly everyone had swallowed them up.  He was not looking forward to being known as Fleance the Ex-Pleasure Slave.  In a small settlement like this, it would take little time for a rumour like that to spread. 

“I hate you…” Hux muttered, locking his arms around Ren’s, keeping him close and trying to steal his warmth. 

* * *

 

“Ren…did you close the vent?”

Hux glared at the knight accusingly.  He had managed to wriggle out of Ren’s grip just a few minutes ago and went to examine the heater.  The vents, which Hux clearly recalled opening, were shut, preventing proper circulation.  Ren, for his part, pulled a pillow over his head and groaned from underneath it, “You must have forgot.” 

“I have an eidetic memory.  I don’t forget,” growled Hux.  He knew he had opened the vent.  Ren must have closed it at some point, probably with the Force, so Hux would get cold and curl up with him.  Hux ground his teeth and stoked the fire, “I’m going to find a way to lock it open next time.” 

Hux gathered up his clothing.  It might be good to find a shop, get something that fit him a little better.  He wished he had had the time to raid the intelligence department a little more thoroughly before the mission.  He put on the jacket and tied his belt around himself, knotting it carefully.  Ren removed the pillow so he could watch.  Hux was careful to keep his view somewhat obstructed.  If he saw how they were tied, Ren might be able to figure out how to undo them. 

“They’re neat,” said Ren groggily, “Who taught you to tie them?” 

“I suppose I’ve always known,” said Hux, “Weaving and knotting patterns were popular on Arkanis.” 

“I still find it hard to believe you’re from somewhere in the Outer Rim,” observed Ren, shifting slightly to watch him, “So your father…made you and your siblings while the war between the Rebels and the Empire was still going on?” 

“The Commandant’s Own was an initiative to genetically engineer soldiers to perform specific tasks with better results than ones whose genetics were left up to pure chance,” explained Hux, happy to have something to focus on that was not bargaining over sexual favors, “Since there was a war going on, the demand was there.  It must have been easy enough to get funding and resources.” 

“But then why did so many of them die at the Academy?” asked Ren. 

“All part of the experiment, I believe.  If we were truly superior, we would survive.  If not, then…” Hux trailed off as Ren rose and pressed himself against his back, embracing him from behind. 

“You’re so much more than an experiment…” Ren whispered against him, pulling him close and rubbing his arms, “You’re…you’re beautiful, and smart, and dedicated…the First Order doesn’t deserve you.” 

Hux tried to manoeuver himself enough to continue tying his knots.  He sighed in frustration at not being able to move, “Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t, but I think we can both agree it needs me.” 

“I’ll prove it, how much you’re worth,” said Ren quietly, “Let’s spend the day together.” 

Hux looked at the knight incredulously, “We have a mission.” 

“We need to gather information.  What better way than to ask around the town?  Talk to locals, visit shops…” suggested Ren. 

“Scouting!” snapped Hux, “Surveillance!  Using infrared equipment!  Tracking!  There are plenty of ways!  We just talk to people in the tavern about hunting grounds, then by process of elimination-” 

Ren huffed slightly, “Well we need someone to give us some general direction, right?  Why not just make a day of it?” 

Hux decided not to argue.  He would stand a better chance of winning a debate against the coal powered heater.  Ren kissed his cheek and moved away, rummaging through his bag as he continued, “Besides…it’s your birthday.” 

It took Hux a few moments to register what had been said.  He knew when his birthday was.  He remembered when he was younger he kept track of his age because he felt it gave him some sort of seniority over his younger ‘siblings’ as Ren called the other CO units.  As he got older his age was only important for medical reports and flaunting accomplishments, provided Hux managed to do something astounding at a young age.  As he got older he found people were less impressed with his achievements.  The date his age changed had never been terribly important to him. 

“And, thirty’s a pretty important number, so you should celebrate…and I don’t mean with that vodka stuff,” warned Ren, rising to his feet.  He sat on the edge of the bed beside Hux and pressed a wrapped parcel into his hand. 

“What’s this?” asked Hux.

“A birthday present,” said Ren, “Open it.”

Hux looked down at it.  It must have been a custom from…wherever Ren was from.  He resented the command, but Hux complied, peeling the paper away and finding a small box inside.  He opened it and found a delicate, silvery chain with a small medal attached to it. 

“I looked up your regulations,” explained Ren, taking the necklace from the box as he recited, “Soldiers in the First Order are not permitted to wear jewelry, accessories, or ornaments.  However, if it is an object of religious devotion, particular to the dark side which has been so instrumental in the First Order’s rise to power, an exception can be made, provided the object in question may be easily broken to prevent strangulation.  Pendants must be smaller than a two centimeters in diameter and kept out of sight at all times.” 

As he fumbled with the clasp he added, “Wedding bands are permitted, so long as they are not bejeweled and are not visible beneath standard issue gloves…” 

Hux shuddered slightly at that.  He did not want to think about Ren marrying him.  Until death do us part was already more commitment than Hux wanted to give any individual person. 

Ren unclasped the necklace, “It’s my order’s seal, so you can wear it under your uniform.  I checked, it’s all regulation appropriate.” 

Hux stayed still as Ren fastened it around his neck.  The irony of the whole thing was if one of them ought to have been collared and given a tag, clearly it was Kylo Ren.  He felt Ren’s large fingers on his nape as he struggled with the small clasp before it clicked into place.  The knight arranged it around his neck to his satisfaction and looked Hux over, “It looks good.  Don’t you like it?” 

Having made a study on how to pick his battles with Ren, Hux assessed the situation and decided this was not a hill worth dying on.  He gave a small nod, “Thank you.” 

Ren kissed his lips gently, lingering a while before pulling back, “Breakfast?” 

Hux checked a time stamp on his datapad, “I suppose.” 

He glanced over his shoulder out the window.  The sky was still mostly black.  It must have been because they were so far north, and just coming off of winter.  The town might well remain dusky throughout the majority of the day.  That was not good.  Hux would have a harder time aiming if everything was going to be so dull and dark.  Ren reached up and stroked his hair lovingly, occasionally stopping to glide his fingers over the chain around Hux’s neck. 

“I meant it you know…you’re beautiful,” said Ren quietly, “I wish I could keep you like this forever.” 

Hux tried not to shudder at the words, and tried to be flippant, “I’d be stuck with this wretched hair colour forever.” 

Ren shrugged and Hux could hear the stupid grin on his lips as he said, “Well…maybe I’d change that back first.” 

* * *

 

Hux stared out the window as Masha cleaned it.  Ren was still doing something in the fresher.  Hux didn’t want to know what.  It might have been something completely innocent like brushing his teeth or preening in front of the mirror in anticipation of their outing, or it might have been…something else.  He nibbled on a piece of toasted bread.  Masha said that they offered other things for breakfast, different eggs and meats, but Hux didn’t think his stomach was ready to handle them.  It seldom was on missions, so he usually stuck to grains and digestive biscuits. 

He looked about the place and tried to focus on his surroundings.  He knew nothing about Hathan culture or its people, but it struck him as odd that the entire planet could have such limited technology.  Nearly everything he had seen was either coal or steam powered.  There wasn’t a single battery or generator in sight.  That could be something for Hux to focus on.  Not to mention how education seemed to be lacking… 

“Masha,” Hux called, “Why can’t you read or write?” 

The woman stopped wiping down the windows and looked over her shoulder, surprised by the expression, “Why do you ask?” 

“I was wondering if you can’t because you’re unable, or if something else is stopping you?” asked Hux.  There could be any number of reasons.  Gender bias against women learning, which was the first that came to mind, and had been his original theory. 

Masha stepped down from her stool and slung her cleaning rag over her shoulder, “I never needed to, so I didn’t.” 

Hux arched his brow, “Never needed to?” 

“My brother takes care of records, so I never needed to,” she explained with her thick accent, “I’m not the only one.  If people here don’t need to learn something, they don’t, and focus on making the work they need to do better.” 

Hux couldn’t imagine never needing to read.  He felt he would go mad if he wasn’t able to learn something new, consuming different kinds of knowledge in an attempt to fill his insatiable mind.  He flicked at the toasted bread and asked, “So how did you learn Standard if you can’t write?” 

“The same way you taught yourself some Hathan last night.  Listening and intuition,” replied Masha with a smile. 

Hux recalled how Ren had mentioned that there was a large number of Force users in the town.  That they were too weak to be considered a threat or challenge, but that their combined amount was enough to interfere with tracking down a specific person.  It occurred to him that perhaps Masha had a little more than intuition on her side.  The girl might have had an unfair advantage when it came to learning languages.  Without knowing it she might have been sensing emotions to give a little more context to the words she was hearing. 

“Is this place strange to you?” asked Masha. 

Hux shrugged, “Where I’m from we have different technology.” 

Masha frowned slightly, “It’s this place.  In the city I’ve heard it’s different, but out here…people live here because they like the old ways.” 

“You mean everyone out here actually wants to live in the freezing cold with coal heaters?” inquired Hux. 

Masha shrugged slightly, “It’s not that cold, its spring.  You just missed winter.  Though in the summer it gets warm enough not to need the heater, or even a sweater”  She paused and asked, “Most people come to visit when the weather is good.  If you don’t like cold, why did you come now?” 

Hux paused.  He needed to think of a lie, and fast.  He thought back to Ren’s ridiculous story and sighed, “It was on the way, mostly, and it’s quiet.  We figured we could have some peace here before heading out again.  We weren’t planning on coming here, really.” 

“I see,” replied Masha, picking up the bottle of cleaner she had been using from the windowsill.  She wetted her cloth before returning her attention to the window, “It is peaceful here, but I think I’d like to leave someday.  At least for a holiday.” 

A holiday…Hux never thought he would want one of those, but he was giving one some serious thought now. 

“Fleance?” 

Hux looked up and frowned.  Ren looked as ridiculous as ever, but it seemed that he was actually putting some effort into looking ridiculous.  He’d done something with his hair to make it fuller, shinier, and his face seemed a little different.  Hux noticed that his moles somehow seemed a bit smaller and suspected the knight might have used something to cover them slightly.  He smelled different too.  Even though he was across the room Hux could detect the scent of spice.  His clothes seemed neater as well, smoothed down and arranged nicely. 

He extended his hand, “If you’re done…you can…maybe go out with me?”

It was funny how Ren asked that as if he had a choice. 

* * *

 

Ren had a much more comfortable grip on his hand today.  He seemed incredibly pleased with himself, his fingers holding onto Hux’s, not lacing them, which made them feel less like a lock or hold.  Hux imagined people were staring at them.  They were the only people he saw holding hands, which meant they must have been standing out.  Why wouldn’t they?  An outlandish giant dressed all in black holding hands with another man who was nearly drowning in his coat. 

Hux fingered the intricate knots in his belt.  He felt better with them, but when he got back to the Finalizer there was no way he could wear anything like it.  Though perhaps he could make a smaller knotted belt to replace the one that held up his Jodhpurs.  Provided it stayed out of sight, nobody had to know his belt was not completely regulation.  It would make him feel much better as well if he could wear it.  He would focus better, and thus be more valuable.  If the pros outweighed the cons Hux thought he could justify the slight breech in protocol. 

When Hux had relented, Ren had eagerly started planning their day.  Hux tried his best to think of it as a cover for reconnaissance, but it was very clear that Ren viewed, and was treating it as some sort of courtship practice.  The way he described it, going to shops, eating together, going for walks, it sounded like a mating ritual.  All of the typical trademarks were there, from what Hux had read about in books about animals.  Gifts, exchanging food; all that was left was a bloody mating dance and or call.  Ren looked down at him and Hux kept his eyes fixed ahead. 

“Is this your first date?” asked Ren. 

“It is.  What of it?” said Hux curtly. 

“It’s mine too.” 

Ren squeezed his fingers and kissed his cheek.  He grinned like an idiot and continued, “I’m so glad you’re tall.  If you were shorter I’d have to stop so I could bend down to do that.” 

“You’ve never gone walking before?” asked Hux. 

Ren arched his brow, “Gone walking?” 

“It’s an Arkanisian turn of phrase.  We call this sort of thing ‘going walking,’” explained Hux, “You’ve never done this?” 

“No…before it was…it was just sex,” admitted Ren quietly, “It was good, but something was missing.”  He squeezed Hux’s fingers, “This was missing.  The emotion, getting to know them, them getting to know me, I’ve never had that.  And I wanted it so badly.  Aside from my Master…I’ve actually never been wanted before…I never even had friends…” 

If he had not continuously tried to have sex with him against his will, Hux might have felt something akin to pity.  That or contempt.  Probably contempt.  Ren kissed him again, “I’m going to miss this when we go back.  I like being able to kiss you whenever I want.” 

Why didn’t he?  Not that Hux was complaining, but he still could not figure out that particular puzzle.  What reason did Ren have for wanting to keep their ‘relationship’ a secret?  Did some small part of him realize if he was caught he would be in trouble?  But if that was the case, there was a tiny drop of sense that had realized everything he had been doing was wrong.  Ren clearly had a moral code, even if it was a twisted one.  He hated the idea that he was committing rape.  He knew rape was wrong.  But something in Ren’s mind was justifying his actions, convincing him that everything that had transpired was consensual.  Perhaps that was it.  Somewhere deep down, perhaps even subconsciously, Ren knew this was wrong, he knew he would get caught, and he knew there would be consequences, though they would likely be small ones.  If Hux could just find a way to dredge that speck of sanity to the surface… 

They were in public.  Ren would not try to threaten him in public.  Not if he wanted to keep up that ridiculous story of his.  It would be a good time to test his theory.  Hux spoke cautiously, “Why don’t you ever stop when I say no?” 

“Because you like it.  If I didn’t make you, you would never let yourself have what you really want,” reasoned Ren. 

“But perhaps…sometimes I have reasons for not wanting touch at that moment,” said Hux, trying his best to sound reasonable, “What if I’m just not in the mood for intimacy?  You’re not in the mood for sex all the time, are you?” 

“Well…not usually but…sometimes…” admitted Ren, flushing slightly. 

“Then…sometimes I’m not in the mood to be kissed.  And when I say no and you don’t stop-” Hux began. 

“If you’re talking about the shuttle,” said Ren slyly, “You should have thought of that before being so…mischievous.”  His voice shifted into a purr, “You got so hard for me.  You can’t tell me you weren’t in the mood.” 

Hux willed most of his anger away but still spoke through gritted teeth, “Ren if I say stop I need you to stop.  You realize what that sounds like, don’t you?  When someone says stop and someone else does what they want anyways?” 

“It’s different for people like you.  You _need_ verbal confirmation,” explained Ren, “I can sense your feelings.  I can sense your physical sensations.  You can say no all you want, but I can tell what you like.  Is this about your nipples?” 

Hux pulled his hand free and rounded on Ren, crossing his arms over his chest.  He tried to look as intimidating as he could with his cold-pinked cheeks, chattering teeth and constant shivering, “No, but that’s a good example.  I said no, I said I didn’t like it, I tried to explain why, but you did it anyways.  What you ought to have done was stopped so we could-”

“Hux…I’m not trying to feminize you,” said Ren, furrowing his brow, “I know you’re a man, I wouldn’t be into you if you weren’t a man.  It’s okay for men to like that too, or dress up, or anything.  My parents…when I was little I wanted a doll.  My father…he always talked like he wanted me to be a man.  I never got up the courage to ask for one because I was scared of what he would think.  I mean, if he didn’t like me enough to stick around, how long would he disappear for if I disappointed him?  I don’t think having a doll would make me less of a man though, do you?  I think you’re being a bit ridiculous about the whole masculinity thing.” 

Hux ignored the accusation.  His experiment was derailed as well.  His eyes went wide and he asked slowly, “You wanted a doll?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ren…why did you want a doll?” 

“I saw some girls playing with one.  They were taking care of it, brushing its hair, I thought it looked fun,” replied Ren sheepishly, “Other kids were scared of me…I got sick of playing with bugs and mice…I just thought it would be nice to play with something that at least looked human.” 

“Ren,” Hux began, slowly piecing together exactly how the knight perceived him, “What…did you want to do with the doll?” 

The knight gave a slight shrug, “The usual things I guess.  Brush its hair, kiss its face, play pretend so I could care for it.”  Ren grinned slightly and scoffed, “Why?  Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” 

“Ren…I’m not a doll,” said Hux quietly.  His voice became more desperate despite his efforts, “You can’t treat me like a doll.” 

Ren considered him quietly before asking something that made Hux’s blood run cold as the wind cutting into his cheeks. 

“Why?” 

Seeing Hux’s shock, Ren quickly elaborated, “N-not that I think you aren’t alive or anything!  Or that you don’t have feelings, I like your feelings.  I just think you’re pretty like a doll…you’re pale with pink lips and bright eyes…and I thought…m-maybe you would like it if I took care of you because you’re always so tired and busy…I could take really good care of you…”

It was all making a terrifying amount of sense and Hux pursed his lips as everything clicked into place.  The possessiveness, the denial, the petting and coddling that were completely inappropriate for a pair of grown men, his referring to their sessions as ‘play,’ his fixation on the word pretty, his constant asking to dress and undress him, the idea that it was alright to physically manipulate him…Ren must have been playing a game in his mind.  He already had a clear idea in his mind about what role Hux should have and Ren was going to force him into it whether he liked it or not.  In Ren’s horrifying, childish mind, he had given his doll a personality, a roll to play, a name, and believed Hux ought to simply comply with and conform to his wishes.  Ren had never been interested in feminizing him, emasculating him or humiliating him.  Ren was _dehumanizing_ him.  Ren could not sense his anguish over the situation because he was more than lacking in empathy.  Hux had all the confirmation he needed that Ren was delusional. 

“Um…so…do you still want to get your coat taken in?” asked Kylo. 

The idea of bringing Kylo Ren near a place where he might try to dress him up was sending waves of discomfort through Hux. 

“No, let’s do that later,” said Hux, “I thought…” Anything else, anything else, anything else, “A hunting supply store?  We could ask about the terrain, animals, figure out if there are any vagrants we should avoid shooting…” 

Ren looked annoyed.  Hux did his best to pacify him before this blew up in his face, “We’ll take care of it first, get it out of the way…” 

Ren grinned at that, “Good plan…want me to take your gun?” 

“No, it keeps the wind off my back,” insisted Hux.  He was not about to start walking around in unfamiliar territory completely unarmed.  Especially not with Ren nearby.  

“Alright, we’ll do that first…” said Ren trailing off slightly, “Though, you like weapons, don’t you?  You should treat yourself to something nice.” 

“I have a blaster,” Hux muttered discreetly, pressing a hand to his mouth to block his lips from view. 

“Well, yeah, but, it’s your birthday,” Ren reminded him, reaching out a hand and tucking Hux’s black hair behind a pink, frozen ear, “Do something nice for yourself, okay Fleance?” 

Hux grimaced, “I can’t convince you to call me Conrad?” 

“It’s literally two letters off from ‘comrade,’” protested Ren, his brow furrowing with concern, “You’re more than an asset you know.  I wish…I wish I could help you see that.” 

Hux sighed through his nose and a steady stream of white vapour poured out in a long puff.  Ren slapped a hand to his mouth and choked back a laugh at the sight. 

Hux scowled, “Come on, the place I’m after is this way.” 

Hux pulled out his datapad as he stepped into the shop.  A short, musical tone played that made him jump.  He spotted a sensor in the doorway and realized he must have triggered it when he opened the door.  Good thing it had not been a bomb.  Ren walked in behind him and smiled, amused, when stepping past the sensor triggered the music again.

A man appeared from an alcove behind the desk.  He was small, and looked quite frail, even when Hux compared the man with himself.  He had deathly pale skin and a wicked cough.  With the cold on this planet it was no wonder people fell ill like that.  Hux glanced over his clean, pressed clothes and mousey brown hair before asking, “Basic?” 

The man gave a stunned look before replying, “Niet…ah…no.” 

“I see…” said Hux.  He opened a translation program and spoke into the datapad, “I’m thinking about going on a hunting trip.  Anything I should know?  Speak into the top of the device.” 

He pressed the translation command and broken, choppy Hathan played from the datapad.  Hux hoped the translation was decent.  He had heard horror stories about translation errors ending in awful misunderstandings. 

Hux walked to the shop desk and held the pad up for the man to speak into.  He looked at it, astounded before he spoke in quick Hathan, then broke off into a coughing fit.  Hux pressed the playback button and heard an answer in mangled Basic, “No blasters.  It burns its meat.  Sports aren’t fun.” 

Hux arched his brow at that while Ren snorted.  Hux sighed, “Where are the best places to hunt?” 

He held the pad up for the man to reply before using the playback, “Far forest.  Far-side mountain.  Close to town not.  Month behind childish way of murdering.” 

Hux scowled as Ren covered his mouth, trying not to laugh at the poor translation.  What Hux would not have given for a Protocol Droid…The man crouched behind the desk, coughing lightly before popping back up with a large tablet.  He turned it on and the man pointed out various areas, saying something Hux did not understand.  The General knew enough about hunting animals that he could survive if he was dropped in the middle of nowhere, but he had no idea what sort of animals lived on this planet.  Despite wanting to save his datapad’s energy, Hux had the man rattle off a list of animals that could be found and hunted. 

He spoke into the pad again, “Anyone we should watch out for?  Vagrants?” 

Hux pressed the translation command.  The man listened and then replied in Hathan.  Hux did not need a translator.  He knew what ‘Niet’ meant.  Hux cocked his brow, “Niet?” 

“Niet,” the man repeated with a shrug.  He said something in Hathan while pointing around the town.  Once again, Hux did not need a translation to understand.  People stayed in their town.  If there was some old hermit living in the mountains, nobody had seen or heard of them.  Hux scowled.  With no leads and Ren’s power being muddled by all the interference from Force potential, it would be difficult to track the Jedi.  Or perhaps he was not even near this town.  Perhaps he was near some other settlement with Force-Sensitives nearby.  Or…or…

The Supreme Leader had lied to him.  Ren had lied to him.  He had been brought here specifically to be…

No.  No.  The Supreme Leader would not lie to him.  He had been blunt enough about Hux’s position before, so why should he start being shady about it now?  Everything had been spelled out for Hux clearly.  Ren’s desire and urges made him powerful.  Hux was to make sure Ren’s volatile emotional interest stayed within the First Order.  If Supreme Leader Snoke wanted Hux to stop stalling and give himself up, he would have commanded it, not played some vague mind game with him. 

But Ren…Ren might have lied.  Ren might have told Hux to land near the village so he could play his disgusting games.  In terms of matters dealing with the Force, Hux had little to go on.  He understood the theory well enough, but he could not sense the Jedi for himself.  He was in a position where he was forced to trust Ren.  The man who had probably drugged him.  The man who had threatened to drive a lightsaber through his throat if he committed himself to another person.  The man who had nearly torn apart his neck to stave off potential rivals.  The man who abused his power to pin him down or touch him from across the ship.  The man who forced him to choose between being half naked and toyed against his will for hours, or allowing himself to be molested in exchange for being dressed.  Ren would lie to him in a heartbeat.  Especially if it meant getting him secluded and vulnerable so he could…

“Spuh-see-buh,” said Hux quietly, hoping Ren could not sense his sudden horror.  He glanced at Ren and ordered himself not to think about it.  Ren was not stupid, despite his tantrums and outbursts.  If the Supreme Leader gave him a mission, he would not be so stupid as to ignore it.  He sighed, “I’m getting a gun that uses projectiles as part of our cover.  You’re getting one too.”  Hux huffed his displeasure before adding, “…Rax and Fleance are going on a hunting expedition as part of their vacation.” 

“I need a gun?” asked Ren disbelievingly. 

Hux frowned, “It’s spring on a Tundra planet.  Anything that’s been hibernating is going to be waking up, and it’s going to be hungry.  Even if you want our cover to be going for romantic walks, you’d look stupid if you weren’t properly armed.” 

“I can protect you without a gun…” said Ren, sounding put out, “And you have a blaster.  I just…please not one with projectiles.  Last time you had one you...” 

He trailed off and Hux sighed, “Ren, it’s for wild animals.  You’re going to look like an idiot if you insist on walking around unarmed.  Doesn’t exactly fit with your expert Bounty Hunter alias, does it?  We can’t exactly say we came out here for the weather or tourism.  We need a cover.  This works.” 

Ren sighed in turn, “…I don’t know about guns.  Which one is good?” 

“Well,” said Hux, focusing on the guns mounted on one of the walls.  Guns.  Not Ren.  Not what he did.  Not what he planned to do.  Not that Ren wanted him as a doll.  Guns.  Hux continued, “Depends on what you want one for really.  The Assassin is for long range precision, but it’s heavy and is best mounted on a tripod.  Not exactly ideal if you need to move or provide heavy cover-fire.  What we want to do is decide what we’re hunting, and then choose the weapon that will suit the task best.  So, what are we hunting?  Game-fowl?  Small game?  Big game?  Predators?” 

“What kind of predators?” asked Ren, suddenly more interested. 

Hux gave a light shrug and continued, examining the weapons carefully, “I’m not too familiar with Gnafs, but he mentioned Wampas.”  Hux paused and sighed.  That was what he had been reading about the first night Ren had slept beside him. 

Ren seemed to remember as well, grinning slightly, “Well, since you’ve studied the subject so thoroughly, let’s bag a Hathan Wampa.  I guess with things like that around it’s no wonder people don’t leave town much.” 

“Never eaten a Wampa before…” mused Hux, desperate to distract himself.  He compared calibers and ranges.  Wampas would need something that hit hard and fast, preferably at a good distance.  A headshot with just about anything would do, but it was not good to take chances with these things. 

“It would certainly make turning thirty memorable,” noted Ren.  

Why…why couldn’t Ren be like this all the time?  He was not exactly what Hux would have called ideal company but he seemed so normal.  Making casual observations and trying to be a little bit decent.  Hux could have liked him like this, or at least been indifferent to him.  He wished Ren could be like this.  In the knight’s brief flashes of sanity Hux found a person that he might have at least been able to cooperate with. 

“This one should do,” said Hux finally.

He felt Ren settle his hands over his hips, “You know what else would make turning thirty memorable…” 

Hux closed his eyes.  Please let him be in one of his better moods.  He spoke quietly, “After the mission?” 

Ren settled his cheek against Hux’s as the General blurted out, “So you’ll be the only thing on my mind…no orders, no mission…wouldn’t that be better?  You’ll have my undivided focus…” 

Those works seemed to strike something in Ren, judging from the way he froze against Hux’s back.  Unfortunately his being frozen did not last long and Hux found himself being pulled against Ren.  The knight kissed and nipped as much exposed skin as he could find around Hux’s neck and started tugging at his belt and trying to slip a hand under his coat.  Hux looked up at the shopkeeper.  He was frail and sickly, but perhaps if he said something, protested that his shop was no place for a rendezvous, Ren would stop. 

Hux looked at him, and their eyes met briefly.  Hux wondered what he must have looked like to this man.  Clearly not happy, but could the man tell he was unwilling in all this?  Could he see how angry and frightened and sick it made him?  Hux wanted him to see, but he knew if anyone could read the truth of the situation, see how inept he was at defending himself, he would never live down the humiliation.  Still, if he just said he didn’t want them kissing in his shop…

The man coughed slightly and smiled at him before returning his attention to the map on the desk. 

Ren nuzzled against his hair and Hux bit back a wretched whimper as he heard Ren start sniffing it again.  He felt a few more kisses and his belt being tugged at a little more before asking in a hushed voice, “So…you will?  When the mission’s done?  You’ll let me…I can have all of you?” 

Hux pressed his fingertips into his palms,

“…yes…” 

Ren pulled Hux tighter against him and pressing sloppy kisses to his nape, humming emphatically the way he had while sucking on his chest, “I promise it will be good.  I’ll make you feel incredible and…it’ll be special.  I’ll make sure it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.” 

“When the mission’s over,” Hux reminded him, quietly, but firmly, “You have to leave me alone and let me concentrate until then.” 

The statement seemed to go in one ear and out the other as Ren cuddled up against him.  Hux tried to move, but the knight would not get off him.  Having enough Hux waved to try to get the shop keeper’s attention.  He looked up, grinning knowingly at them, which made Hux want to punch him so hard it shocked the coughing fits right out of him.  The General pointed to the gun.  Too irate to attempt speaking Hathan he made some quick gestures and pointed, “Two of these and plenty of ammunition.” 


	30. If I could only get a chance to have a word or two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not dead, just stupidly busy. 
> 
> Between my two regular fics, my full time job, and a string of bad luck, I haven't had much free time. And, if I'm being honest, there were a few weeks where I seriously considered dropping this fic. This was my 'therapy' project that helped me deal with things, but the way it made me dread the comment section did more harm than it did good for a while. Unfortunately, I've had to disable anon comments for this fic, and I have been taking comments down when I found them triggering or troll-ish. I didn't want to, but since the first scene with sex in it (about chapter 12 or so) I've found it to be necessary. So, I've been dealing with that stuff for about a year now, and it's taken a toll. 
> 
> I thought of just abandoning this one. I mean, if it was a good fic, I wouldn't get those comments, right? Obviously if it was getting this kind of negative attention, I'd written a bad story. So I had a reread and found something flawed, incredibly flawed, nowhere near the level of greatness achieved by other stories on this site. But I also found some good stuff, ideas I still thought were kind of neat, and after reading, I wrote a few pages and felt a little better about myself and this fic. It's not an amazing fic, it's not even that great, but I realized that writing it still helps me in a way that the other ones can't seem to. 
> 
> So, even though it's long past the point of canon-compliance anymore, I'll be continuing this one. Once 8:1 is finished I'll bump it into a bi-monthly update slot. That's the plan at least. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me. 
> 
> On a side note, I made up all the stuff for Arkanis before the Empire's End books came out. No canon-compliance here anymore, I'm afraid.

 

 

Hux put together a quick to-do list in his mind.  Guns and a proper cover story were taken care of.  His coat still needed to be taken in.  They would need to eat at some point…unfortunately that was all he had the ability to resolve himself.  The mission hinged on Ren’s ability to track someone down.  Hux could try sleuthing, but if they started asking after Jedi and one turned up dead, people would become suspicious.  He doubted anyone would realize who Kylo Ren was, but if someone realized that Fleance looked an awful lot like a certain First Order General, there would be trouble.  Hathan was neutral after all.  There would be an awful political headache if it was discovered General Hux had no qualms with entering neutral territories and shooting people. 

How to ask about a Jedi without directly asking about a Jedi?  If he was indeed a hermit, he was well hidden.  If he was somewhere in the town, it would be unexpected, but not impossible.  Or perhaps he was in the mountain.  The base of the mountain had seemed to be considered hunting territory, but the summit was not.  The nearby mountains would be worth a closer look.  Perhaps when they arrived back at the inn he could ask Masha if there were any good hiking trails and what he might expect to find if he went for a climb. 

All this, of course, was meant to distract him from Ren pressing a bolt of cloth to his cheek to contrast it with his pallor. 

Hux had untied his belt, handed his coat over to the tailor, given his measurements and had every intention of leaving right then and there.  Ren, of course, had other ideas.  He probably would have done this regardless of whether Hux knew he was being thought of as a doll or not.  He was simply making no secret of it now.  If Hux had not known he might have made some excuse or another about Hux needing more than one set of clothing.  Since he did know though, Ren was openly admitting to his perverse desires. 

“When your hair goes back to being red, greens and blues would suit you.  I don’t want you to have something that you’ll never get any use out of,” mused Ren, smiling in a way he must have thought was kindly, “I’m kind of glad you didn’t have much time to sort things out with Intelligence.  I always wanted to dress you up in something nicer than your uniform.” 

Hux ignored Ren as best he could and pressed his fingers into his palms.  He turned his thoughts to dolls.  Not so much himself and the situation, but what they might mean to Ren.  Dolls were typically toys meant for girls so they could practice nurturing and other skills they might need when they became mothers.  Of course boys had dolls too, but they were never called that.  In both cases though children used their imaginations to simulate situations they might find themselves in as adults or to create games to stave off boredom or experience power-fantasies.  Doll play existed for almost as long as humans had, and the doll almost always represented another human, real or imaginary. 

Normally dolls were important in teaching empathy and emotional intelligence.  A child would imagine what their doll was thinking or feeling during their games and play out those emotions accordingly.  Ren was doing that, after a manner.  Hux sighed and clenched his fist as he tried to think about this in the most clinical and detached way possible.  Ren had assigned him, as his doll, the emotions that he was expected to feel.  The lack of empathy had dehumanized him, making him little more than a toy despite Ren’s protests to the contrary, and his delusions about Hux’s feelings made Ren’s actions acceptable in his mind.  It was ironic, but Ren’s doll-play seemed to do the opposite of what it was supposed to.  Instead of making him more empathetic, it seemed to suck whatever empathy was left right out of him. 

Playing with a doll also encouraged metaphorical thinking.  Every action in their games, whether a child understood it or not, had a deeper subconscious meaning that they would never stop to think about.  The stories they would play out would be influenced by personalities, memories and help children work through psychological issues.  It was a lot like creating a simulation with some sort of bizarre plotline.  Ren cast himself as the protector and nurturer, though sometimes he would want Hux’s attentions as well, and most of the time Hux, the ‘doll’, found himself cast as someone needing to be saved, protected and cared for.  So who was Ren projecting onto him?  Himself?  Ren had made it clear that he wanted to be needed by someone else and had been neglected.  Why not play out a scenario where he was given the love and care he had always wanted?  Or perhaps Hux, as a ‘doll’ represented someone from his past.  Someone Ren had wanted to help or care for but could not.  Unlikely, but possible. 

The sexual aspect made things a bit messy.  Children might pretend their dolls married each other, had them kiss each other or lay them in the same bed, but most did not simulate sex with their dolls.  It might have been an extension of whatever fantasy he was playing out.  That Ren or someone he had known required love and physical attention and never adequately received it, so now he was rectifying the situation by giving Hux more attention than he knew what to do with.  He was recreating the scenario to experience some sort of catharsis or closure. 

“Do you think…um…would you ever wear a dress?” asked Ren quietly. 

That caught Hux’s attention.  He shuddered and scowled at the floor, “I’m a man.  I don’t want to wear a dress.” 

“I wouldn’t force you to go outside in one.  Just, maybe, if we were alone…if I ever got you one, would you wear it for me?” asked the knight. 

“I said I don’t want to dress like a woman,” repeated Hux more firmly. 

“Everyone in the…where you’re from, wears the same thing.  You wear something lots of women wear all the time.  Why should a dress bother you?” scoffed Ren. 

Hux replied more heatedly, “For someone who claims to have no interest in women you seem awfully determined to turn me into one.” 

Ren rolled his eyes, “I’m not making you a girl, alright?  Clothes are just bits of fabric stitched together.  They don’t change what you are.  I think you’d look good in a dress.  I’d think that no matter which gender dresses were meant for.” 

Hux closed his eyes, “…I don’t want to wear women’s clothing.”  He opened them and decided to test a theory, “If you like them so much, why don’t you wear one?” 

Ren scoffed slightly, “Do I look like I could possibly look good in one?  They wouldn’t sit right on me, especially my shoulders and arms.  But you have such a fine build, and your shoulders have this nice slope to them, I think you would look really elegant.” 

If there was a bright side to this, it was that Ren was not eager to stick him in some lacy, frilly thing with a big bow on the back.  He watched Ren flip through a booklet of pictures and patterns.  Hux arched his brow, “But if you could wear one, would you?” 

“I don’t know,” replied Ren earnestly, “I don’t think there would be anything wrong with it.  Most of them would just look odd on me.  I’d need one custom made, and I’m not sure if I’d ever get the time to have one made that I’d really like.  But…if you get the chance…I think you should try it.  You would look good in one.” 

 _He’s going to make me_.  Hux knew it in his gut.  When Ren got an idea into his head it seemed nearly impossible to dissuade him, and Hux knew there was little he could do to fight back.  Ren could freeze him and force a dress onto him if he fought.  If Ren wanted to make him wear a dress, than he was going to be threatened into putting one on at some point.  In the meantime though, he could not quite rule out Ren trying to vicariously cross-dress through him. 

Ren held up the booklet, pointing to a page “How about this one?” 

Hux did not look at it, “I’m a General.  If I’m caught with a dress or if someone happens to go through my things and sees it-”

“I’d keep it for you,” said Ren, “I’d keep anything we use.” 

Hux stiffened slightly and looked up, “What do you mean?” 

“Well, we’ll need lubricant, for one thing, and maybe…” Ren trained off, pink tinting his cheeks, “I made you that list months ago.  So you know exactly what I want to do with you.  Some of them aren’t possible without…things.” 

Hux felt himself colour at that.  He had not understood what a lot of those things meant, and he tried not to think about them.  Ren continued, flipping through the booklet leisurely, “Though I’ve thought of some things I’d like to add to the list.”  He grinned up at Hux, “I really want to see if I can make you…you know…with just your nipples.” 

“Emperor’s sake Ren, we’re in public!” snapped Hux.  He flushed at the thought.  He did not care how sensitive Ren claimed he was, his suggestion was humiliating and in all likelihood physically impossible.  Ren would probably try it anyways though.  Since when had reality ever been a part of his ridiculous mindset? 

Ren gestured at the tailor, “He doesn’t speak Basic.  We can talk about whatever we want.  Just probably shouldn’t mention anything about the First you-know-what.  Just in case.”  He continued, grinning at Hux’s outrage and discomfort, “It’s rare, especially for men.  I heard some can do it though, and you’re so sensitive…I also think…well, I felt it the other day.  You seem to have a thing for being dirty talked.” 

Moving back in his chair slightly while Ren closed the booklet, keeping a page marked with his finger, Hux watched the knight grin, “I don’t mind.  I feel like I can talk to you a bit easier now.  I-It took a while, and I still stammer sometimes, but I could practice.  I could try really hard for you.  Tell you how t-tight you’ll be around…m-my…um…you know…” 

Ren trailed off as Hux glared at him.  The knight muttered, “Can’t do it when you look at me like that…it’s easier when I play with you and you’re being nice…” 

“There has to be another way to phrase…that,” protested Hux.  What were some decent euphemisms he had heard?  Anything had to be better than Ren talking about playing with him, especially in light of his doll fetish.

“I think I’ve figured out what to get for you.  Don’t worry, it’s not a dress,” assured Ren, ignoring the protest.  He flushed slightly, “Though, maybe…when we’re alone…someday…I think you’d look really nice.  Um…little…black one…shoulder straps…” 

Ren got quieter and quieter as he trailed off.  Hux pressed his fingers into his palms, “I suppose we’ll see, won’t we.”

He wondered, briefly, if giving Ren a real toy might curb some of his more unsettling habits.  If he had an actual doll to dress and act out…whatever he was subconsciously trying to achieve…than perhaps Ren might stop using him.  His sexual appetite might not be sated, but it might stem Ren’s desire to stick him in a dress.  Of course, giving Ren a gift might indicate that he reciprocated the knight’s feelings eagerly, or worse, that he was alright with Ren’s notion that he was a pretty doll he could play with. 

Hux watched the knight point to something in the booklet and showed off the fabric he wanted.  The General sighed.  At least it was not a dress.  Hux felt certain he could tolerate anything else, so long as it was something men wore.  He crossed his arms over his chest and shifted to examine the knots he had tied into his belt and around his shirt collar.  Hopefully it would be something he could tie string or sashes around.  Having the knots helped him feel more optimistic about his chances of holding Ren off if he decided he did not want to wait until the mission ended. 

Especially since it seemed they were going to be stuck in the shop until Hux’s coat was taken in.  Just like the shuttle, except with witnesses, Hux thought glumly.  He supposed he could always brave the cold.  It would not kill him.  Just a bit of discomfort for a few minutes before ducking into some other building and…

…doing the same thing on repeat for the rest of the day.  Whether they went somewhere else or not, it would still amount to the same thing.  Ren would drape himself all over Hux, with all that unnecessary touching and kissing, and have awkward conversations about things Hux was positive were inappropriate to mention in public.  Until the mission was over and he got back to the Finalizer, this would be his life. 

Hux scowled at that.  He had better things he could be doing.  If he had his way they would be devoting themselves fully to the mission.  Not doing anything productive was painful enough without Ren fawning over him.  Doing anything remotely frivolous or outside the First Order did not sit well with him.  It was not just Ren.  Going walking was something that maintenance workers at the compound Hux grew up in did, and they weren’t technically First Order, since they were civilians, but they certainly sympathized with the cause.  Hux just assumed going walking was something that was only for civilians.  What on earth was the point in wasting valuable time on something so trivial? 

He tried to imagine it with someone he liked.  He imagined if he did something like this with Phasma they would wind up at the nearest cantina and she would drink him under the table while they exchanged friendly quips.  He would not enjoy it, his mind would likely be on work the whole time, but it would be better than this.  Though if it was someone he respected and had a desire to please, and the feeling was mutual, what would he do?  He had heard about people going walking, which apparently used to be literally just that, going for an aimless walk and talking.  Sometimes he overheard snippets of conversation, someone describing a meal or a holovid or a theater, so he supposed those were things he was supposed to do, though he took no pleasure in any of them. 

He supposed if he was with someone with whom he shared mutual respect and admiration, they would do none of those things.  They would work, or possibly spend leisure time indoors.  If he had a partner who truly cared about his wishes, Hux doubted he would have been dragged around like this. 

“It’s going to be a while before they finish.  Let’s go someplace else,” said Ren, offering his hand. 

Hux started at the hand that was thrust in front of him.  He studied it, weighing the repercussions of acceptance and refusal.  With a dejected glance he slipped his hand into the knight’s grip.  Ren pulled him up gently by the hand before letting go with a slight start.  He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around Hux’s shoulders.  It had a strong smell.  Ren probably washed it with some product or soap that Hux had never heard of before.  More importantly though, it was warm.  Ren seemed to be better able to heat himself, and as a result the jacket radiated with warmth.  Accompanied by a spicy smell Hux grudgingly had to concede was very pleasant, it was enough that he had to fight back the urge to pull it around himself tighter. 

Ren flushed slightly and gasped out, “Wow you’re…really cute like that.”

 _Choose your battles_ , Hux reminded himself.  He could withstand being called all of the wretched, feminine things Ren loved to call him.  It would do him no good if he made a fuss about every little thing.  Perhaps if he saved his outbursts of anger and offense for when they were needed most, Ren might possibly, just possibly, listen if Hux had indulged his significantly more trivial wants. 

Ren reclaimed Hux’s hand, “Come on, I want to take you to lunch.  It’ll be our first time eating out together.” 

Hux rolled his eyes, “We had breakfast.” 

“You stuffed a toasted piece of bread in your mouth and scowled by the window.  It doesn’t count,” said Ren. 

* * *

 

The restaurant was quite a bit nicer than the tavern at the inn.  It used the natural light coming in through the windows to its advantage and used other lights to keep the rooms nice and bright.  Hux looked up at a chandelier, which curiously used wine glasses in lieu of crystals.  It was an interesting aesthetic, and the electric lights, as opposed to candles, made it clear that some buildings at least used electricity.  Perhaps there was a small generator somewhere.  Or perhaps there was a power grid and the inn was either in the process of switching technologies, or was for whatever reason unable to make the transition. 

He was of course studying and making theories about the technology to avoid looking at or talking to Ren.  He had never expected to go walking with anyone.  He had no desire for it and it was beneath him.  Still, here he was, and he had no idea what the protocol between them ought to be.  There had to be rules, social conventions, something to give him some hint as to what he should be doing. 

Ren had pulled out his chair for him, taken his coat, offered a hand to help him sit down.  He seemed completely at ease.  Hux figured he must have been thinking about this for a long time, probably practicing what he would do and say in his mind.  He kept his hands in his lap, out of Ren’s reach and pulled his legs back under his chair when he felt Ren’s foot start caressing his calve.  Hux looked around the room as Ren stared at him, smiling softly, his cheek resting on his hand. 

“You’re so beautiful,” said Ren. 

Hux looked down at his hands, imagining he saw some dirt under his nails and began to pick at it. 

“So where you’re from, you call this ‘going walking’?” asked Ren. 

“Yes,” replied Hux quietly. 

“That’s so cute,” said Ren, “I like it.  Are there any other things like that?” 

“If you call someone ‘delicate’ it means they’re sick, usually with a lung disease, like the man at the gaming shop.  If you want to tell someone lightly that you don’t appreciate a joke you say, ‘I’m not having that,’ or you can ask, ‘Are you having that?’ if you think someone is being tricked or lightly hassled,” explained Hux. 

“So, if you wanted to talk to me in Arkanis, what would you say?” asked Ren. 

“ _Pog mo thoin_ ,” said Hux haughtily. 

Ren furrowed his brow.  Hux hazarded moving his hand into the knight’s range so he could take his water glass and sip from it.  He replaced the glass and concluded, “We have our own language, you know.” 

“We…so you consider yourself Arkanisian?” asked Ren. 

“I was born there, and I know most of my genes were taken from native Arkanisians.  I spent more years of my life there than any other planet, so yes,” replied Hux. 

“I…can’t say much about where I was from, but it was a Forest planet.  It was sunny, and warm.  There were the biggest trees, and I could climb most of them,” said Ren, getting a bit more quiet than usual as his eyes dipped downwards.  After a moment he pressed, “What’s Arkanis like?” 

“Wet, cold, the weather could be diagnosed as bipolar, from what you told me about dark Force-Users, you would love it,” said Hux.  He sighed, “I lived near the ocean.  I could smell it, but I never saw it, not until we left.  The Empire fell and the New Republic took over control of Outer Rim territories.  Democratization they said.  We were forced to leave or be subjugated by strangers.  The people who took over, they weren’t kind.  I didn’t understand much, but when I look back now it was horrible.  Do you know what Penal Laws are?” 

“I…have an idea,” replied Ren, looking concerned. 

“If anyone on Arkanis was caught harbouring Imperial affects or sympathies, they would be punished.  This could be anything from hiding a cache of weapons to raise rebellion or a wife keeping her late husband’s uniform as a memento.  There was no distinction.  They gave us democracy, but ex-Imperials were barred from voting, so that meant most of the planet was subject to the whims of an elite minority.  Parents couldn’t adopt children, even those of deceased relations, unless they promised to teach them to denounce the Empire and support the Republic.  For many this meant teaching children to hate fathers and mothers who fought and died for the Empire and their homeworld.  And all the while they say they’re helping.  Educating and providing for the poor Outer Rim planets.  They’re liars.  I remember the attempted purges, seiges and the food shortages…” Hux growled, clutching the glass so tightly it was a wonder it did not break in his grasp. 

Ren whispered, “I never knew it was _that_ bad…” 

“If you’re from Republic territory, it’s hardly surprising they don’t talk about it.  They like to think they’re the underdog, ragtag rebels who fight for truth and freedom,” seethed Hux.  He glared at Ren, “We took back Arkanis, re-established the Academy who knows how many times, but thanks to the Republic’s meddling, the whole planet is caught up in off and on guerilla warfare and terrorist attacks due to conflicting ideologies.  And yet they still believe they are the Galaxy’s saviours.  I’m going to show them their lies.  I’m going to take them by the throats and shove their faces into a list of atrocities.  Barring that, I’ll return all their hypocrisies with tenfold punishment.”

Hux glanced at the menu that had been placed on the table and sighed, “Though that’s hardly appropriate talk for the dinner table.” 

“I think I just found the source of your hate…” muttered Ren, “You can’t stand being lied to.  You want revenge.  You think you’re the only one who can bring justice to Arkanis, and the Galaxy.” 

“I told you…I hate when incompetent people mismanage things and cause disorder.  And Arkanis was very, very, disordered,” assured Hux, “But as I said, it’s neither here nor there.” 

“If a Republic planet was placed under your control, what would you have done?” asked Ren. 

Hux looked at his glass, “Well for starters, keep as much of the pre-existing infrastructure and government as possible.  Not only would it prevent civil unrest, it saves effort and resources.  Basically make the transition as non-invasive for common people as possible.  If the vast majority is content, those in power will have a difficult time drumming up reasons to resist beyond blind patriotism.  The Republic’s biggest mistake with Arkanis was trying to stamp out every trace of its Empirial roots.  All they succeeded in doing was-”

“Creating factions and unrest,” finished Ren. 

Hux arched his brow at that, “I didn’t think you were interested in politics.” 

“Not really, but my mother…she was always talking about them.  I guess it would have been a miracle if nothing rubbed off.  I remember her saying Arkanis was a mess but, I didn’t know about those things you mentioned,” explained Ren.  He said much more brightly, “My grandmother was interested in them too.” 

“It sounds like you were raised by intelligent women,” noted Hux as he wondered, ‘ _So where the hell did they go wrong?’_

“I never met her…but I heard lots of stories,” said Ren. 

“I see,” said Hux, collecting all the details.  Forest Planet.  Temperate climate.  Family unit.  Likely no siblings.  Father left.  Mother possibly had or has a career in politics.  Deceased grandmother also likely had a career in politics.  Not much to go on, but Hux was certain he could work with them. 

“I’m really interested in history, actually,” admitted Ren, “Mostly Clone Wars and just before the fall of the Empire.” 

“Recent history then,” said Hux. 

“Though…more specifically than that I’m interested in Darth Vader,” continued Ren. 

“I suppose he would interest you, given the fact that he’s one of the most prolific Sith Lords of the past age,” said Hux, recalling the helmet and trying not to think about the ashes.  He cautioned adding, “And he’s deeply entwined with the history of the rise and fall of the Empire.” 

Ren’s smile faded slightly at that, “Most people misunderstand him though.” 

A woman approached to take their order.  Hux had been so caught up in the conversation that he had not translated the menu.  He and Ren looked at each other for a moment, not entirely sure of what to do.  Hux pointed his finger at a word and held up two fingers.  The waitress spoke quickly and nodded before departing. 

“What did you order?” asked Ren. 

“No idea,” said Hux with a shrug. 

The smile that had faded was back again though.  Hux watched him reach out and start stroking the back of Hux’s hand while the General continued to clutch his water glass.  Hux forced himself to relax, not wanting Ren to either bombard him with questions about why he was tense, or worse, become angry because he was not behaving ‘properly.’  Glumly, and not for the first time, Hux realized Ren had been training him, conditioning him to be more suitable to his wants.  The worst part was the Hux knew it was working.  He was complying.  It was to save himself pain and trouble, but nonetheless he bent to the knight’s wishes more easily now than he had before, and the thought was bothering him. 

“But, about what we were saying before, I think a lot of people misunderstand Darth Vader,” said Ren, rubbing small circles into the back of Hux’s hand with his fingertips. 

“Oh?” asked Hux, glancing alternately at Ren’s hand and his face.  He found himself looking down more often than not.  Ren was becoming bolder and it somehow made direct eye contact with him harder to maintain for long periods of time, especially when the knight was giving him moon-eyes. 

“Think about it.  He was taken by the Jedi from his mother at a young age, and then when he finally saw her again she had been murdered.  His wife dies in childbirth, and then those children come back to him, but they’ve been turned against him by his former partner Kenobi.  Then Luke Skywalker offers him a chance to return to his family.  He made a poor decision in a moment of weakness, I’ll admit that, but…” explained Ren, “If the situation hadn’t been so emotionally charged I don’t think he would have attacked the Emperor.”   

“You seem well versed,” said Hux, keeping his voice steady as Ren started to pluck at his fingers.  The knight wanted him to let go.  Hux closed his eyes.  He could let go and let Ren get whatever he wanted over with or he could sit and let the knight keep going, possibly giving him a chance to escalate his efforts.  Hesitantly, Hux let go. 

Ren held Hux’s hand in his own, trailing his thumb over the back of it, “I read everything I could get my hands on.  I know all sorts of things about him most don’t.  Did you know he was a poet?  Someone wrote down things he used to say to his wife.  I…quoted them in the ones I sent you.” 

“Darth Vader said, ‘You’re nothing like sand?’” asked Hux incredulously. 

“He grew up on Tattooine, of course there’s a lot of sand imagery,” said Ren, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  He let out a quiet huff of laughter through his nose before he continued, “I don’t like sand.  It’s course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.  Not like here.”  He paused emphatically stroking Hux’s hand with his thumb and whispered, “Here everything is soft and smooth…” 

“Kylo,” said Hux seriously, “We’re stuck on a frozen tundra.” 

“I was talking about you,” said Ren, taking Hux’s hand and pressing it against his cheek.  Hux leaned against the table to get some leverage if he needed to pull back as Ren nuzzled against his palm.  He repeated quietly, “You’re beautiful…” 

Hux blanched as Ren began to kiss the large blue veins on his wrist.  As soon as he got a hold of himself, Hux wrenched his hand free and kept both of them clasped tightly in his lap.  Ren flashed a hungry, predatory grin and purred, “And so skittish…” 

“We agreed to wait,” Hux reminded him.  He added, “And I find it incredibly disturbing that you think my being unnerved or humiliated is attractive.” 

Hux felt something brush the hem of his trousers and Ren continued to purr, “You wouldn’t say that if you could see yourself when you look away and blush like that.  If you could see it, you’d be marvelling at my restraint instead.”

“Is that from another one of Darth Vader’s poems?” asked Hux sarcastically. 

“No, that one was mine, but I’m glad you find us so similar,” said Ren contentedly. 

The waitress came back to give them their order, repeating it back to them one more time for confirmation.  Borsht, apparently.  It was stew of some sort, as far as Hux could tell.  He resisted the urge to clamp a hand over his nose.  He was not used to food smelling this strongly.  Most of the food he ate on the Finalizer had been vacuum-sealed for months and dehydrated, which took a lot of the edge of of the smell and flavour.  This was too intense.  Everything smelled a hundred times stronger than usual, bringing his sensory overload back with a vengeance. 

As soon as she left Hux pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and covered his nose, “I don’t think I can eat…” 

“Are you still sick?” asked Ren, looking up at him with concern. 

“No…it just smells so strongly, I don’t think I can,” said Hux, “You can have mine of you like it.” 

“You need to eat more than a piece of plain, toasted bread,” protested Ren.  He looked down at the stew, then up at Hux, “Just try a few bites.  Please?  You need to eat something.” 

Hux sighed and removed his hand.  As he did the smell smacked his senses and caused his throat to constrict.  He spooned out a little of the borsht and lifted it too his lips, careful not to breathe through his nose and tried to down it as quickly as possible.  All of the flavours were sharp and painful across his tongue.  It was overwhelming, but putting something warm in his stomach after being out in the cold made it worth the effort.  He swallowed down some water to try to clear everything off of his tongue. 

“Good?” asked Ren. 

“Strong,” replied Hux, grimacing slightly, “But it’s warm, and I can’t survive on bread…” 

“Ten bites,” pleaded Ren, “I want you to take at least ten bites.” 

Hux cocked his brow.  He resented being commanded though he had fully intended to force down enough food to keep himself from collapsing.  The command sounded parental though.  Hux stiffened and cringed as he took another spoonful into his mouth, now prepared for the overwhelming tastes and textures.  He knew Ren wanted to nurture him as part of…whatever he was sorting through, probably parental abandonment, by giving Hux all the attention he wished he could have received. 

 _‘What if I gave it to him instead?’_ Hux wondered.  Perhaps if he treated Ren as the infant he so loved to behave like, would he stop?  Unlikely.  Like his theory about giving the knight a doll, Ren might misconstrue it as an invitation to continue being intimate or that Hux approved of his behaviour.  Still, if he could caress the knight before Ren got his hands on him, perhaps it might stall him, satiate him, and take some of the edge off of his physical needs.  Ren was going to touch him no matter what he said or did, so there did not seem to be very much at risk. 

Hux choked down another spoonful.  It was getting more difficult to eat.  His body knew exactly what sort of pain the food was going to give him and was trying to force him to stop.  His throat became tighter.  His stomach seemed to twist and turn in his gut.  He felt like he was going to throw up.  Still, he needed to eat something. 

“Is it always this bad?” asked Ren, his brow furrowing in concern. 

“No…” gasped Hux as his fourth spoonful tried to come back up.  He caught his breath and continued, “The first time is the worst.  After a while you can prepare for it, at least bring medicine to stave of the dysentery.” 

“Dysentery?” asked Kylo. 

Hux sighed, “If someone’s diet shifts suddenly, it often causes complications.  I took something before I had breakfast though.  It should last me the whole day.” 

“Is that why you brought all those cookies?” asked Ren.  He smiled softly, “I didn’t think you liked cookies.” 

“They aren’t cookies, they’re digestive biscuits,” corrected Hux.  He held his breath before he took another bit and nearly gagged.  He coughed before replying, “And yes, they help.  I guess you wouldn’t know about that though.  You’re away from the ship often enough that this must not affect you at all.” 

“Not really, no,” said Ren, who ate with no trouble at all.  Bastard.  He gave Hux a pitying look and said, “Just a few more bites though, okay?” 

“What are you, my mother?” asked Hux. 

Ren started slightly and asked, “Do you…do you even have a…?” 

“Not in the traditional sense, no.  Half the chromosomes used during my conception came from my father.  The chromosomes from the ovum that was donated were removed, so whoever the woman was who donated or sold her eggs, I don’t carry any of her genetic information.  The rest of my chromosomes were taken from donors with desired traits to finish the fertilization process and create my zygote.  So technically I have multiple parents, though I don’t know what their genders are,” explained Hux. 

Ren’s eyes bulged slightly, likely at the scientific jargon.  He trembled slightly and said, “But…but that’s horrible…” 

“I suppose one’s conception isn’t exactly ‘table-talk’ as it were,” said Hux coolly, “You realize without all that ‘horrible’ experimenting I wouldn’t exist, don’t you?” 

“Not that it’s…” Ren said quietly, trailing off before he found a way to continue, “All these people came together to make you and none of them…nobody ever loved you.” 

Hux almost sneered at that, but checked himself.  What did he need love for?  Love created liabilities.  Love distracted from duty.  Love caused a lack of focus.  It was an unnecessary excess.  He did not need it.  He did not want it, especially if Ren’s constant manipulations were what constituted love.  If that was the case, Hux really wanted nothing to do with it. 

Ren, however, seemed to need it.  Hux considered his position.  Ren was going to take him when the mission ended, this was inevitable.  So long as he remained firm on that point, Hux was confident he could stave him off until they had completed their task.  He also had his belts with all the knots.  The knots would protect him.  In the meantime, being trapped did not have to be the end of all things.  It was not as if he was being executed.  He needed to keep Ren interested, keep him under control, and keep him compliant.  He had a decent grasp of Ren’s delusion and what he was trying to achieve as well…

It would be a calculated risk, but worth it, if it worked.  He would be following orders, it be in keeping with Ren’s delusions, and it might keep the knight’s hands off of him. 

Hux put down his spoon and reached across the table.  His hand was shaking from all the spluttering and from nerves as they closed in on Ren.  The knight looked down, his lips parted as if miming a gasp, his eyes fixed on Hux’s hand.  Hux hesitated, just for a moment, before his fingers brushed Ren’s hand.  It was warm, and rough.  Ren had a workman’s hands, covered in callouses and light scars, probably from burns, as well as moles and freckles.  Hux let his hand rest on top of Ren’s and tried to be casual about it, “It doesn’t matter anymore, really.  I’m alive, I’m here, who cares how I was born or raised?” 

“I care…” said Ren quietly, rubbing his thumb against Hux’s hand, “I care about you a lot.” 

“Ren…” said Hux quietly, but firmly and as seriously as he could, “Before the mission ends, could we…perhaps be a little more platonic?  When it’s this…” Hux flexed his fingers slightly, letting the tips brush over Ren’s hand, “I don’t mind this.  All that embracing and kissing though, I…”  _Don’t say you don’t like it_ , Hux reminded himself.  “I don’t always want it.  It’s overwhelming, like the sensory overload.  So perhaps we could just be like this.”  With some difficulty he added, “…I could be like this for you.” 

Ren seemed to consider it, which was more than he had done in the past.  That was a good sign.  His reply was disappointing though, “I’m the opposite though.  I need touch.  If I don’t touch you it feels like I’m not doing enough to please you.  Not just that…when I touch you I feel relaxed and whole.  I feel like I’m being torn apart so often it’s…I need it.  And…like you said, I’m gone a lot, and you work most of the time.  I’ve seen people get torn apart by that.  So I want to make sure you know I’ll never leave you.” 

Hux did his best to analyze what was being said instead of being repulsed by it.  In theory it all sounded wonderful but the way Ren put it into practice was too awful for Hux to put into words.  He sighed and tried to formulate a response. 

He did not get a chance though.  Ren nodded down at the stew, soup, stuff, “I also want to make sure you take five more bites of that.  Better do it fast.  It’ll be worse when it’s cold I bet.” 

Hux grimaced down at it and sarcastically muttered, “Yes mammy…” 

Ren snorted, “Heh, what would your crew think if they heard you say that.” 

Hux stared into the stew and tried not to gag, “What would they think indeed…” 


	31. And both shall Rove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. Also, it's pretty obvious that I had been reading War and Peace and Crime and Punishment when I wrote this part and went, 'Yep, that's gonna be what this planet is. Now let's put some gears on it and call it Steampunk."

It turned out Ren dragging him around town was not just useless frivolity.  Granted it was mostly useless frivolity, but there seemed to be a point to it.  Moving about, talking to people and pausing to feel the energy was helping him sort out what Force belonged to who so he could have an easier time filtering through everything he felt.  Hux still felt they might be able to make more progress if they explored the mountains, but Ren insisted on this and, unfortunately, given that the Force was involved, Hux had little choice but to defer to him.  Every time he tried to protest or insist on having his way, the knight would remind him, though not unkindly, that he had no idea how the Force worked. 

So they spent the day doing things that Hux supposed couples did.  Ren took him to different shops, insisted on having him at least taste different foods, usually sweets to Hux’s surprise.  He had no idea the knight had a sweet tooth.  Thankfully that stopped after Hux nearly gagged on some sort of lemon flavoured lozenge.  He decided he did not like courtship.  He liked talking and exchanging information, but the kissing and touching and walking around was awful.  Why would anyone do this for fun? 

Ren seemed to be enjoying himself though, the son of a bitch.  Every time Hux looked at him he seemed to have a big, stupid smile on his face.  Hux was having an increasingly difficult time looking at him when he did that.  His expression was filled with nothing but softness and kindness, things that Hux had difficulty accepting and quantifying on their own.  He also knew it was nothing but a lie, a manipulative tactic to trick him into being more yielding and compliant.  Ren might give him soft smiles and chaste, gentle kisses, but Hux remembered the shuttle, he remembered the supply closet, he remembered every moment of degradation with crystal clarity.  The knight could smile all he wanted, give him trinkets and sweets and speak kind, loving words to him, but Hux would never forget, and he knew full well what the knight had planned for him, regardless of his wants. 

Yet he found himself wanting that wretched lie to be true. 

If it was someone who was not Ren, someone who truly respected and cared for him, Hux thought he would have liked to see someone smile at him like that.  He would like to be kissed, perhaps touched by someone who cared about him.  He liked the attention, but it was coming from Ren, a man who just a few days ago had forced him down onto a bed and…

Don’t think about it, Hux ordered himself.  When he thought about it he thought of the sensations and it sent a strange, humiliating heat run through his body accompanied by a sickening twisting in his stomach. 

It was hard to distract himself with nothing to do.  With the mission almost fully in Ren’s control and needing to preserve his datapad’s battery, there was next to no work to do.  Hux had never exactly had a hobby.  In the Academy there had been extracurricular activities, mostly extra hand to hand combat classes.  Before he had been a student, growing up surrounded by droids and lab technicians and maintenance workers, his ‘hobby’ had been absorbing any information that came his way.  Anything from personal details of the people he met, songs and stories he happened to overhear, and of course everything he overheard about Arkanis’ tumultuous political situation, its violent recent history and the science behind his own creation. 

He could not even do that here.  While he could pick up bits and pieces of the Hathan language based on deduction and repetition.  All the same, it was not enough to distract him, especially when Ren pulled him close and kissed him or tugged on his clothes.  There was nothing to do but accept it and wait for Ren to finish.  He could not make a scene when they were supposed to be inconspicuous, and even if he did fight, he knew he would not get very far.  Ren would just pin him down again.  Hux hated thinking about that.  He knew that breaking a person of their will to physically resist was part of how prisoners were made to accept their captivity.  Struggling was useless and compliance was less of a hassle.  Ren was slowly breaking him down, training him to be his obedient doll. 

But there was really nothing he could do about it.  If he wanted to remain in control, if he wanted to lead the First Order into stability and prosperity, if he wanted to pursue his goals and aspirations, he had to obey orders and he had to keep Ren in line.  Asking for a transfer would almost certainly mean a demotion, and at this point, with Ren so attached to him, he doubted he would be allowed to leave.  If the Supreme Leader let him go at this point, it would be a shock.  Keeping him around, if only to pacify Ren, carried such an advantage that only a sentimental fool would stop this. 

That was why Hux remained silent and still when they returned to the inn.  They sorted out weapons, clothing, and other things that Ren had found.  When that was finished Hux removed his belt and passively allowed Ren to remove his coat and shirt.  The knight trailed his fingers along the silver chain at Hux’s neck before dressing him in a new shirt and resized jacket.  He smiled contentedly, rearranging the General’s clothing to his liking.  Ren kissed his cheek, “Having something that fits feels a bit better, doesn’t it?” 

“Did you manage to get a good feel for where our target is?” Hux asked.  He was desperate for something to do to take his mind somewhere far away from this, but he was not desperate enough to beg or plead for it.  Especially if the person he was pleading with was Kylo Ren. 

“I have some ideas,” said Ren, adjusting his collar.  He looked Hux over, “I’ve been wondering thought…what’s it like?” 

“What’s what like?” replied Hux, bracing himself for an awkward, invasive question. 

“Not being able to feel the Force.  I can’t imagine it.  I’m not really sure how you can do anything without it,” said Ren. 

“What do you mean by anything?” said Hux, almost insulted, “Just about every living thing in the galaxy has the drive to do what it must and keep itself alive, with or without the Force.” 

“Well, maybe not things like eating or sleeping, but…I can’t even begin to imagine life without it,” explained Ren. 

Hux wished if there was a way, Ren would be stripped of his powers.  He would be nothing without them, just an overgrown muscle-bound child, and Hux had dispatched enough large, dumb idiots to know he would be fully capable of taking Ren down if he had no mystic power to back him up.  Ren still had his power though, so Hux shrugged, “I don’t know.  We want to live, so we live, that’s all.” 

Ren was currently looking at the stove, turning it on and adding a few extra coals with his power.  By this point Hux knew he was just showing off.  With that done he turned his attentions back to Hux.  He smiled his big, stupid smile and Hux cast his eyes towards the wall.  He heard Ren say, “I’m going to pick you up.” 

“What?  No!  I don’t want that!” protested Hux as an arm hooked itself under his leg.  Hux managed to roll away from it and snapped, “If you want me to go somewhere, tell me and I’ll move.  I don’t want to be picked up.” 

“I’m just going to put you on the bed, let you lie down, nothing else,” insisted Ren. 

“I can lie down on my own, thank you,” said Hux curtly, “When I want to, I’ll do it in my own time.” 

“I can feel how tired you are.  You didn’t sleep last night, did you?  You should rest, maybe take something for your stomach before we have supper,” said Ren.  He gave Hux a serious look, “And none of that vodka.  You drank yesterday, and the day before that.  I’m starting to worry you might have a problem.” 

Hux’s problem was hardly the vodka…and he felt his hair standing up on the back of his neck.  Ren was ordering him around again.    

“Come here, I’ll put you to bed,” said Ren. 

“I’ll go by myself when I feel like it, but I don’t want that now,” insisted Hux, trying to sound as reasonable as he could.  He tried bargaining, “I will go to bed and rest, I promise, just not right-”

Hux felt something around his middle and his boots slid over the rough planks on the floor as he was dragged towards Ren.  He collided with the knight, who held him tightly in a secure grip.  He chuckled lightly and tugged at the black hair that jutted from under Hux’s cap.  Hux struggled against his grip, trying to kick, trying to pinch and bite where he could, but the knight kept his legs held in place and none of the pinches or bites seemed to phase him.  Hux bit down especially harshly on Ren’s neck, not caring if he roused his anger or not, he just wanted to be left alone. 

Then he heard the knight moaning. 

Hux pulled back and stared at Ren in disbelief.  He…he liked pain?  He was aroused by it?  Hux was stunned, and his shock made his attempts to get away weaker.  Ren smirked slightly at Hux, “So we’re feisty today, are we?” 

“No…I didn’t know you…Kylo don’t…” Hux stammered out.  His mind flashed back to previous encounters.  Ren eagerly shoving a hand in his mouth.  Ren encouraging him to use his nails.  Ren’s delighted tone after discovering Hux had pummeled him when he was unconscious.  It made sense now, and it was horrifying.  How was he supposed to fend Ren off without killing him if he enjoyed pain?

“We could play…” suggested Ren, his voice lowering into a purr. 

“You promised,” said Hux, barely above a whisper.

“It doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.  I’ll stop before it gets serious,” said Ren, settling a hand over Hux’s rear. 

Hux bit his cheek as Ren’s hand started kneading and rubbing.  He had to think of something, fast, or it would turn into the shuttle all over again.  He shook his head, it seemed he could still move his head, and protested, “I’m tired, you said so yourself.  You might hurt me if you play with me right now.” 

Ren gave him a final squeeze before letting go and unfreezing him, “Go lie down.” 

Hux resented the command, but he had managed to talk Ren down slightly.  He also knew if he did not walk to the bed and lie down on his own, Ren would drag him over and pin him again.  If he behaved the way Ren wanted, he might be able to persuade him to stop a little more easily.  He had tried protesting, telling him to stop and bargaining.  That was not working anymore.  He had to work within the framework of Ren’s delusion.  They were in a loving, consensual relationship and he needed to dissuade Ren with reasons a lover might reasonably have for calling off a night of passion. 

He lay down as he was instructed.  Depending on how this went he might need a reason to call it off.  Saying he was sick would work, and being tired seemed to work as well.  Ren would not keep his hands off of him, he was not naïve enough to think that anymore.  He just had to minimize and contain the damage, just like Ren’s violent rampages on the Finalizer. 

He settled his head over top of his arms and felt the bed sink in where Ren sat beside him.  Hux flinched when he felt a hand on his back.  It slid down to his backside and Hux tried to focus on the stove, the smell coming from it, the kettle of water sitting on top of it to keep the air from completely drying out.  The knight squeezed again and Hux tried protesting, “Kylo, don’t.” 

“I’m going to try something.  I won’t do anything bad…even though you were being so rough a minute ago,” said Ren, almost sounding gloating, “I should be paying you back for that right now…you were being very rude, General.  You know what that means.” 

Hux pressed his palms into his fingers.  He still had a belt tight tightly around his hips to hold his pants up.  He tied the knots tightly, they would keep him safe.  Opening and closing his hands, assuring himself the knots he tied in the belt could keep a Force-User with a plasma sword at bay, Hux replied, “I’m tired.  My stomach is still off.” 

Ren hummed slightly, “But later I’ll have to punish you.  What do you think you deserve for biting me?” 

Hux gritted his teeth before trying to relax himself.  He’d been biting his cheek and grinding his teeth so much his jaw was aching.  He kept studying the stove.  He still needed to figure out a way to keep the vents open.   

Ren cupped his rear and Hux shrank in on himself, trying to make himself smaller, less accessible.  The knight continued, “Hm?  Maybe I should tie you up?  Would you like that Hux?  Do you want me to tie you up with fancy knots?” 

“Kylo, I’m tired,” protested Hux. 

“Or maybe you deserve a spanking,” Ren purred, massaging firmly, “I could pull your pants down and give that tight ass of yours a few swats.  Or…maybe I should bite you back.  Right here.” 

Hux felt his ass being pinched and let out a surprised gasp, clutching his hands close to his chest and trying to pretend this was not happening.  Ren laughed lightly, “Oh, I get it, you’ve heard of that, but only when someone’s being insulting.  Hm…you should be careful who you ask to bite you, General, some people really get off on that sort of thing.  If you said it to me, I’d have my mouth all over your ass in an instant.” 

 _That’s disgusting_ , Hux thought to himself, shuddering and watching the fire flicker inside the stove. 

“I can feel how shocked you are.  You really didn’t know, did you?  You’re so innocent,” said Ren, pinching him again. 

“Kylo, no, I’m tired,” Hux insisted.

“How else can I punish you?  Your mouth maybe?  You bit me, maybe I should gag you if you’re going to bite like that,” said Ren.  Hux cringed and shifted slightly on his side so he could curl up, trying to protect himself.  Curling his legs and flexing the muscles slightly made it more difficult for Ren to grip his backside.  He kept one arm at his chest and clutched his belt with the other.  He tied the knots tightly so he was safe…he was safe…  Ren continued, “Imagine it Hux.  I’ll tie you up and shove a gag between those perfect lips of yours.  Then I’ll flip you over my knees and give you a few swats…like this.” 

Hux gasped as a hand came down on him, not unbearably painfully, but still sharp.  It sent a jolt through his body that had nothing to do with surprise.  The hand stayed in place and squeezed as Ren went on, “That seemed like it felt good.  Maybe you’ve never been spanked before?  Is this the first time?  You must have always been such a good boy.  Hm?  Oh…you like being called a good boy too?  Who’d have thought our innocent General would have so many turn ons.”  Ren brought his hand down again, slapping lightly and grabbing.  Hux squeezed his lips tightly and bit down on his tongue, determined not to make a sound.  Ren had no such inclination though.  He trailed a finger along one cheek before squeezing as much of the scant flesh as he could.  He hummed curiously before ghosting over his hole.  Hux cringed and clutched his belt tightly as Ren traced lazy circles around it through his pants before roughly grabbing his other cheek, “I can sense you.  I wonder if you’ll come from just this.” 

There was a silence as Hux gave up on the stove.  Thinking about it was not working.  He just wanted the humiliating ordeal to be over.  He hated thinking about the _Helden_.  Ren patted Hux’s rear gently before he awkwardly whispered to him, “Hey…um…is this…is this doing anything for you?  I could have sworn you were loving this but…you suddenly…I’m not trying to upset you…I thought you liked it when I talked like that.” 

“I don’t want that right now,” Hux tried to argue. 

“But you liked being spanked,” said Ren, ignoring him and sounding amused, “And I felt you liking it up until…oh, I see…I think I understand now…I didn’t mean to remind you of that.” 

“Kylo, I don’t know how else to say now isn’t a good time,” said Hux, trying to will his desperation away as he felt Ren’s hand cupping and kneading again, now with two hands despite the awkward angle.  Hux tightened his fists and clutched his belt as Ren kept rubbing his thumbs over his entrance. 

Hux shuddered at the sudden puff of breath against his ear as Ren kept groping him and continued, “You have so many turn-ons, and you didn’t even know about them.  There’s so much I want to do to you.  I’ll get you nice and ready, make sure you’re stretched and slick – shh…shh…don’t make that sound, it feels good.  I promise – and you’ll feel so good.  I can’t believe I’m your first, that you’ve never even touched yourself there.  You’re going to feel so tight, so perfect…” 

Hux could hear himself whimpering.  He couldn’t help it.  It all sounded awful.  He didn’t want it.  He didn’t want to be vulnerable and helpless.  He didn’t want his body on display.  He didn’t want parts of himself that he’d kept private for decades to be exploited and used.  Ren was describing it so graphically that he could picture it all.  The worst part was that it _was_ doing something to him.  He was embarrassed but between the stimulation and the images being described to him his body _was_ reacting and it was…it was… 

“Kylo I’m _tired_ ,” repeated Hux, not bothering to hide his desperation.  He tried to check his fear though.  A doll.  Ren’s doll.  Ren’s to taste and play with and use forever...  Hux looked up, “I haven’t slept since the shuttle.  I just want to try and sleep so _please_ stop.” 

Ren stopped.  He took Hux’s shoulder and pulled gently, rolling Hux onto his back and looking down at him, “S-say that…could you say that again?” 

Had he done something wrong?  Had he said something Ren misconstrued as an advance again?  He seemed to think saying ‘I know,’ meant ‘I love you.’  What could he heave possibly done now?  Hux quivered slightly and tried to meld into the mattress and pillows beneath him as Ren began tracing his mouth with a finger.  Hux tossed his head, trying to get it away from him, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You said…you said ‘please,’” stammered Ren.  His lips were parted in that gawking astonished expression again as he stayed fixated on Hux’s mouth, “I…I really liked that…can you say it again?” 

“Will you stop?” asked Hux, “You need to promise you’ll stop if I do what you want.” 

“I…I want to kiss you a little but… I won’t do anything else if you say it again,” said Ren, “I promise.” 

That seemed to be as good a deal as Hux figured he could get.  He sighed and angrily muttered, “Please.” 

“S-say it a lot…maybe a little breathy.  Just keep saying it…” instructed Ren in a pleading, simpering voice. 

Hux glared at the stove for being unhelpful and whispered, “Please…”  He paused and closed his eyes as he felt Ren staring at him, “…please…”

It seemed he had stumbled upon another one of Ren’s ridiculous and terrifying fixations.  He kept whispering the word, in way he thought other people might pray.  He’d never heard anyone pray before so he made his best guess.  The knight, if Hux guessed correctly, seemed to like pleading.  It might be useful.  Perhaps if he deigned to say ‘please’ from time to time when trying to dissuade him, it might be effective.  Of course, he had stumbled upon this while using the word in that exact context, so it did not seem to matter.  Ren would supply his own scenarios and contexts. 

Ren kissed his cheek and neck softly as he chanted the word.  Perhaps he could use it as leverage.  If he promised to say please and return his touches and kiss him, the knight might perform certain favors for him.  Namely stopping his advances when prompted, but there were other tasks Ren might be put to.  Hux tried to think about that as he pretended to beg for…something…no doubt something depraved and humiliating in Ren’s mind.  No, he would not try to imagine what the knight was thinking about. He would think about ways to control the knight.  How he could use this as a means to an end. 

“I’m…I have to use the washroom…” said Ren suddenly, “You, um…y-you stay here and get some sleep…maybe…” 

The knight rolled away from him and Hux sighed.  Probably off to masturbate, again.  Hux could not fathom where on earth Ren’s stamina and drive came from.  He had been so certain that people, on average, only needed to do that about once or twice a month.  Five times at the absolute most for those with stronger libidos.  He considered it an oddity if he did it once every other month, usually only needing to relieve himself once every three or four months at a time.  Hux closed his eyes.  With Ren’s stamina and high libido he was going to want sex a lot.  Hux had been able to stave him off by using his virginity as an excuse, but soon he would not have that anymore.  As soon as the Jedi was dead and the mission was over, he would have to give up his primary defensive strategy.  He needed to find something else, some other deterrent that would be just as effective.  Hux fingered the knots in his belt as he pondered it. 

He thought about what Ren had confided to him in the shuttle, that shameful look on his face as he admitted to vindictively having sex with the first woman available once he was permitted to have it.  It seemed Ren had wanted something of a do-over.  It was a lucky break for Hux, and he realized Ren waiting so long probably had more to do with making up for that experience than any loving desire.  Hux very much doubted at this point that Ren was even capable of feeling love.  He might say it ad nauseam, but there was nothing in his actions to indicate anything remotely resembling respect, admiration or even a mild fondness.

Hux began to hear panting and his name being repeated with desperation from inside the wash area.  He picked up the pillow, lay on his side facing the stove and pressed it over his ear to block out the sound.  He watched the stove.  He needed to fix the vent so it would stay open if Ren tried to tamper with it.  He wondered about how to do it as he fiddled with the knots in his belt with his free hand. 

* * *

 

Hux eventually fell asleep for a few minutes.  He was not nervous to sleep around Ren.  The knight had repeatedly explained that he did not want Hux to be intoxicated or unconscious when he did anything ‘serious.’  Hux’s main worry, especially in light of Ren’s doll fixation, was that the knight would strip him while he slept, rearrange him, or worse, that the knight might touch himself while he watched Hux sleep.  He knew the knight liked sleeping beside him, and so far did not seem to touch him while he slept, but there was the constant fear that he might. 

The belt had, so far, done a good job of alleviating that fear.  When he awoke, Hux examined it in the dark, feeling all of the knotted patterns in place. He stopped and his breath hitched as he neared the ends of the length. 

The bottom two knots had come undone. 

Hux’s first instinct was to lash out, but there was nothing and nobody to lash out against.  He was alone. It was the dark.  He was faced with the reality that at some point he had fallen asleep and Ren had attempted to take his clothes off.  He quickly tied the knots back in place, noting that his breath was quickening.  Convincing himself nothing serious had happened, he willed himself to calm down.  It was not the worst thing that could have happened.  Things could have been much, much worse than this.  He might have woken up to find Ren had cut the belt off of him and…

It was just his clothing, it was not so bad…

Not bad did not mean acceptable though.  Hux thought back to the Finalizer.  When Ren was emotionally compromised and vulnerable he could be manipulated.  He had made the knight agree not to enter his quarters uninvited, though it seemed he did not think that using his powers counted in this arrangement.  If he could convince the knight somehow that he was not to touch his belt, than it might make it easier to fend Ren off in the future.  He could not threaten Ren, he had no leverage.  He could not hurt him, the knight would only enjoy it.  If he killed Ren he would face the wrath of the Supreme Leader, and he would not be able to hide the murder from a person who could read his mind so easily.  There had not be something Ren wanted that Hux could bargain with.  Something that was not too costly, preferably. 

He liked begging.  Hux despised the thought of being so submissive, but it was just a word.  It was six letters.  Words could not hurt him, the Academy had taught him that.  Insults did not cut, or burn, or kill, so neither should using a word Ren wanted to hear for leverage.  Really, it would cost him nothing to say it every now and then to get some much needed privacy and control from the knight.  It was just a word.  It had a certain connotation, it was a submissive word and there was no getting around it, but it could not hurt him.  It was a means to an end, that was all.  If he was only doing it to manipulate Ren, he could convince himself he was not begging, not really. 

He would go find Kylo.  He would make himself as docile as he could manage, and ask politely if he would stop touching his belt.  It was all he could think of to make Ren stop.  He had little to lose if it failed, and if it worked, than it would be something he could use.  He had already noticed that Ren was slightly more compliant if he had been soothed or placated first.  The potential gain far outweighed potential loss, so he should not feel so defeated about it.  It was the best move he could make at this point.  He was not giving up.  Hux willed himself to believe he was not giving up. 

He would say the word, but he would not mean it.  No matter what he could not allow himself to believe his own con.  The second he started genuinely believing he was less of a person than Ren, that he should be submissive to him, it would all be over.  If he started believing that, Ren would have no trouble forcing him to be nothing but a toy.  He was doing this out of necessity, not because he enjoyed it or believed Ren was of a higher rank or standing.  He was not a doll, he was a General, and as a General he was going to do what was necessary to maintain his mental wellbeing so he could lead his crew. 

Hux threw the blankets off of himself.  The room was warm, Ren must have wanted to make sure he was comfortable before he left.  Hux might have appreciated the gesture if it came from someone who was not actively trying to seduce him against his will.  He had to keep that in mind as well.  Ren deserved no real pity, gratitude or admiration.  If Hux started giving him any of those, he would lose. 

Shutting the door carefully behind him, Hux noticed how cold the hall was compared to the room.  It was not a small difference either, Ren must have put on quite the fire earlier.  He could hear voices from down below, some quiet, some loud, almost none of it understandable.  He could see bright light as he peered down the stairs and squinted at it.  Being groggy was not something that Hux was accustomed to.  With his insomnia he usually felt like he wanted to sleep, but simply could not.  Struggling to keep his eyes open was something different altogether.  The cold helped keep him awake though as he made his way down the creaking steps. 

It did not take long to find Ren.  He was speaking with a group of men in basic, occasionally making a wave of his hand that Hux could have sword he had never made before on the Finalizer.  He had suspected mind control, giving the foolishness of the stories Ren had been telling, but recalled in his reading that whoever the mind tricks were performed on were compelled to repeat back whatever commands they had been given.  It might have been some sort of tic that Ren tried to keep under control among members of First Order, but felt no such compulsion with civilians. 

He approached their group, arms crossed for warmth and absolutely not because he found the situation uncomfortable.  Ren saw him approach and held up a hand, motioning that he was temporarily placing his attentions elsewhere.  Hux nearly halted though when he heard a shrill whistle and call something about a person named Fleance.  That was when Hux remembered _he_ was Fleance and growled a quick, “Aht-stahn” before continuing towards Ren. 

“You’re up,” observed Ren. 

“You punish my men if they have instinctive responses to me, but you’re going to let me be whistled at here?” asked Hux, jerking his head in the direction of the offending party. 

“They’re not thinking of you, they’re thinking of us,” corrected Ren, a slight smile crossing his lips, “It’s not so much you as it is the idea of an ex-pleasure slave being indebted to his saviour.  They admire you, but they know who you belong to.” 

“I belong to myself and the First you-know-what,” protested Hux lightly.  This was not what he came to argue about though.  He looked down at Ren seriously, “You untied my belt.” 

“I wanted to see how you did it.  I thought maybe I could make you one or tie it for you,” said Ren, leaning in to touch it. 

Hux reached out and took his hand, “I don’t want you to touch it.” 

Ren furrowed his brow, “Why?” 

“It’s a complicated pattern, and if you don’t touch them right or pull too much it can ruin it,” lied Hux.  Ren seemed ready to protest when Hux put his new strategy into practice.  He tried to soften his expression as much as he could, something that did not come naturally at all and added more quietly, “Please?  Can you promise?” 

The effect was almost immediate.  Ren looked up at him, stunned, then nodded, “A-alright, I didn’t think it meant that much to you.” 

Hux had to concentrate hard on not gasping or flinching at the sudden compliance.  That had been far too easy.  Hux refused to believe Ren was simply giving up on this because he used a simple word. 

“Come sit with us,” said Ren, pulling on Hux’s hand gently, “We’re talking about hunting.” 

“There’s no…” Hux was about to note that there was not an extra seat and almost immediately knew where Ren wanted him.  The knight tugged him closer.  Hux sighed.  It was not the first time Ren had done this to him in front of these people, and it was not as if any of the knew who he was.  He would not see them again after the mission.  He could do almost anything and it would have no bearing on his rank or reputation. 

He sat across Ren’s knees and the knight held him close, tucking Hux’s head into the crook of his neck and stroking his short, black hair.  Hux did his best to ignore the leers and hungry looks, resisting the urge to hide his face against Ren’s neck again. 

“He’s shy,” Ren explained again, trailing a finger over Hux’s jaw, “But vicious when he wants to be.” 

There was a knowing laugh as Hux realized that his head was being pressed to Ren’s bare neck.  He had left a mark that everyone in the tavern had no doubt seen.  Ren had probably bragged about it too, spun some story to impress the local riffraff.  Ren laughed lightly, “You’re a completely different person in the bedroom, aren’t you Fleance?” 

Hux had not wanted to use his new weapon twice in one evening, but the situation certainly warranted it, “Re-Rax, please, you’re embarrassing me.” 

The knight made another apologetic pass through his hair and rubbed his shoulder gently.  Hux furrowed his brow.  This was too easy and it was making him suspicious. 

“So you’re hunting near the mountain tomorrow,” said Ren to one of the other men, continuing what must have been a previous conversation. 

“Da, it’s best time for animals coming out of dens,” said one of the men with broken Basic.  Hux untucked his head from Ren’s neck to listen a little better. 

“But you don’t climb the mountain?” inquired Hux. 

The man, large, scarred, blackened hands, probably worked around fire, gave an amiable laugh and looked at Hux adoringly.  Not the way Ren would, but more like Hux was a child to be coddled and taught the ways of the world.  Hux decided he did not like that look in the least.  The man chided him gently, “Is too dangerous little Fleance.  Nobody goes up mountain.  Not with Gnafs and Wampas.  They would make tasty snack of you.” 

Hux resented the little comment.  He was over six feet tall.  He was probably taller than most of the men present, just thinner and lighter.  He was only small compared with Ren, and even then it was not such an immeasurable difference that someone should call him ‘little.’  For the sake of getting more information he decided not to argue the point though.  He asked, cocking his brow, “What exactly is a Gnaf?” 

“Pack hunters, very smart.  Small, but good at hunting.  If you see one, climb high as you can, be quiet and still and hope it leave,” warned another man. 

“Sounds like someone I know,” murmured Kylo, giving Hux’s thigh an affectionate pat.  Hux hoped that he meant small, smart and good at hunting, not that he had climbed high only to be quiet and still. 

“So nobody lives up there?  It’s completely cut off?” Hux continued. 

“If somebody live up there, they not human,” said the man with blackened hands, “There are old legends about mountain men, but just stories about magic.  Is for children.” 

“What sort of magic?” pressed Hux. 

“That old man live on top of mountain, talk to animals, is very old story.  Told for many years,” explained the man. 

It sounded enough like their target for Hux to think it worthy of further investigation.  As Hux considered this, the man continued, “Little Fleance is not thinking of going up the mountain, is he?” 

“I’m not little and I’ll go where I please,” retorted Hux haughtily. 

“But you are young?” asked the man. 

Hux supposed, with his hair in disarray like this it took a year or two off of his appearance. 

“We’re both twenty-five,” replied Ren. 

“Old enough to be Alei’s boys,” laughed the man, “Could be father to you both!” 

Hux briefly wondered if the man was referring to himself or someone else.  From the accented and mildly incorrect Standard, Hux could determine one or two possible grammar points in the Hathan language.  One of them must have meant occasionally referring to oneself in the third person.  It also put Hux a bit more at ease.  This man was not sexually interested in him, his feelings were more paternal.  It was a small comfort knowing at least one of the morons who had bought Ren’s ridiculous story would not think of him as a sex object. 

Ren pulled Hux close against his chest and patted his hair, “You missed dinner.  Do you want anything?” 

“If I do I’ll have some biscuits later,” said Hux dismissively, determined to keep his mind on the mission.  He looked to Alei, “Can you tell me about these stories?”

“Very well, I tell little Fleance a bedtime story,” laughed Alei, “Long time ago, in time when Alei’s great-grandfather was small boy, there lived man with very sick wife.  She need medicine that grow only on mountain.  It was very foolish thing to do, but man went up the mountain and find many plant for medicine making.  When he try to climb down, there is big storm.  The man get stuck on mountain, but find cave.  He think cave belongs to big Wampa, but decide is better to be eaten by Wampa than freeze on mountain. 

“He go inside cave, but does not find Wampa.  Instead he find food, water, fire and blanket, like man was a guest.  He eat, drink, sleep, and in morning, all but blanket is gone.  He thinks he sees a man, but is not sure.  So he goes down mountain brings medicine to wife, and all live happily ever after.” 

The large man leaned over, and to Hux’s shock, Ren did not try to sever his hand.  He patted Hux on the head and laughed, “Now that little Fleance has had bedtime story, we give him glass of warm milk and put him to bed, da?” 

“Niet,” replied Hux sharply, pushing his hand away lightly, suspecting at this point the man might be slightly drunk.  So the story, if it was not just an urban legend, had happened three generations ago.  If they were dealing with a Human Jedi than this was not their man.  Aroka did not sound like a Human name though.  Probably some other type of sentient.  What unnerved Hux though was that Ren, even in spite of his explanation hurt anyone on the Finalizer who so much as had a subconscious thought about him - and killed a trooper who had more elaborate fantasies - where as he was allowing this man to pat him on the head.  It was a fatherly gesture, and the man seemed to indicate that he was attempting to be paternal towards them.  Was Kylo only targeting people who thought of him in a way that might be interpreted as sexual?  Or… 

A sudden thought occurred to Hux.  In addition to being completely duped by Ren, eventually he would leave these people.  Even if he did manage to convince them that Ren was not his lover, which was extremely unlikely at this point, he would be leaving in a few weeks’ time.  If they wanted to be friendly towards him, that was fine.  But officers?  Stormtroopers?  Hux was constantly interacting with them.  He was always receiving reports, giving commands, monitoring progress, overseeing missions, going to meetings, making inspections, and any number of other tasks.  If one of them took any sort of interest in him, Hux would have the time and ability to build a relationship.  Not a romantic one, that was highly unlikely given the setting, but it would be a relationship with a person who was not Kylo Ren. 

The knight was _isolating_ him. 

It explained why he desperately wanted secrecy in their relationship as well.  Not to mention why Sub-Lieutenant Flax was still alive.  Ren was willing and able to fight off potential rivals, but did not want to.  He wanted Hux to be the one who shut down any possible ties and relations.  It was another form of manipulation, another way for the knight to control him.  And it was working…he was going to transfer Flax.  Ren had left her alive hoping Hux would…

No, perhaps that was giving Ren too much credit.  His other victims were lower ranking officers, maintenance workers, nurses, Stormtroopers.  He might have risked the ire of his Master if he killed or maimed someone too important to the ship’s operation.  Still, he had made his desire for Hux never to be alone with Flax explicitly clear.  Even if this had not been his plan from the start, Ren was trying to draw a line between Hux and his crew, deciding who he approved of Hux associating with and who he did not. 

“Fleance is very quiet.  Perhaps he needs more sleep?” asked Alei. 

“No, I’m fine, just thinking,” replied Hux quietly. 

“You always are,” chided Ren.  He patted Hux’s hip firmly and his mind snapped back to when Ren had slapped him.  Hux shrank in slightly and flushed.  The knight hummed at that and kissed his cheek lightly. 

“So…is this your hunting party?” asked Hux, nodding at the other older men at the table, trying to ignore the kissing and petting.

“Da, this Levin and Dolokov.  They are not good with the standards speaking.  Poityr, Vanya, Vassili.  They speak some, but will not understand anything difficult.  They know how to make some pleasant talk, but maybe can’t answer the questions.  Alei speak best Basic,” said the large man with pride. 

“No,” corrected Hux, motioning to the innkeeper’s sister delivering drinks, “Masha _speaks_ best Basic.” 

“She is good, Da, but has to be for work,” said Alei dismissively, “Had to learn.  All young men go away to cities for work.” 

That new bit of information gave Hux something else to focus on.  So like many rural areas the younger generations could not wait to leave.  When Hux thought about it, the only young men he had seen was the sickly young man at the hunting goods shop, and a few very young errand boys and apprentices.  Everyone else had been disabled, female, middle aged, or older than that. 

“They come back though.  Remember pretty sweetheart.  Alei was same when he was young man,” he added with a short laugh. 

“Do you hunt often?” asked Hux, changing the subject. 

“Not usually this season, but last year was poor hunting.  There was bad storm, early winter, so hunting was very dangerous.  Meat supply is low.  If we want more, we must hunt it,” said Alei. 

“Might we join you?” asked Hux. 

Ren gave his hair a slight, but insistent tug, “I thought we would be going by ourselves…” 

Hux pulled back enough to look Ren in the eyes.  He was not going to back down.  He was determined not to.  Ren had pushed him around enough over the last few days.  He might say please, but did not want to abuse the word.  He would convince the man.  He would bring some semblance of order and sanity back to this situation. 

“We don’t know the terrain, they do, and pack hunters are easier to fend off in large numbers.  We can get a good look at the area, and perhaps after taking a survey we can strike out on our own,” explained Hux, hoping the knight would take the hint.  When he continued to tug his hair and look displeased Hux continued, “You’re not some all-powerful being, _Rax_.  As good as you are with a blaster you can expect to hold off an entire horde by yourself.  We’ll figure out terrain and threats first, then see about going by ourselves.  It would _look incredibly stupid_ if we struck out on our own without a guide.” 

“It would not only look stupid.  Is _very_ stupid,” Alei chimed in, “Rax is good bounty hunter, but Gnaf can hunt Wampa if desperate enough.  Not want to stumble into their den by making accident.” 

“Good bounty hunter?” asked Hux. 

“Of course,” replied Ren, “I was telling them all about how I rescued you.” 

Hux cocked his brow and whispered, “I thought you were delivering me and didn’t complete your mission.” 

“Oh, yes, but then you got captured and I had to rescue you, don’t you remember Fleance?” said Ren teasingly, “You’re always running off and getting into all sorts of trouble.” 

Hux grimaced, “I wish you would stop doing that…” 

“It’s not like we’re staying here forever.  Let’s have some fun,” said Ren, patting his hip reassuringly before purring, “Like that time you fell in with those Gamorians and they were about to have their naughty way with you when I swooped in and-”

“I’m going to bed,” said Hux curtly, resisting the urge to slap Ren across his grinning mouth.    


	32. It was a pleasant morning in the spring time of the year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably my biggest divergence from canon is Brendol being more apathetic towards Hux than outright abusive :/

Hux had been trained to hunt, but not like this.  Not being brought to the middle of some forest by a loud and incredibly smelly steam-powered transport.  At least sitting close to the boiler had kept him warm. 

Everything he had learned in classes on emergency survival proved tracking was exponentially more difficult in practice than in theory.  Simulations, as much as Hux was loathe to admit it, had provided approximations of what animal and human behaviour might be like, the ideal state he might have found track in, and cadets could get passing marks for simply identifying species types and where trails went.  This was much different.  The weather, though reasonably mild, could cause a trail to become muddled and difficult to trace in a matter of hours.  At first, it was difficult to spot places where an animal or person may have been.  The hunting party would point at something and break off into quick Hathan and it would take Hux a few moments to figure out what exactly it was he was supposed to be looking at. 

He caught on quickly though, he always had.  It helped that Alei, who seemed to view him and Ren more as teenagers than young adults, enjoyed being a sort of mentor to them.  Hux briefly wondered if perhaps he kept teenaged apprentices in his shop.  It would explain the way he spoke to them and how natural he seemed to be in a teaching role.  With a competent guide and instructor, Hux found it very easy to catch on to how to tell what was fresh and what was old.  He also continued to pick up words as the party chattered.  He was still not certain of the grammar, but Hux was confident if he managed to spot something he would be able to communicate what he was seeing and what he wanted other people to look at. 

Though despite all the information he was soaking in, Ren seemed difficult to read.  He was clearly begrudging when it came to carrying a weapon, especially one that was commonly used in hunting Force-Users, but something other than that seemed to be on his mind.  Hux wanted to think it was the mission, that Ren was frustrated that Aroka’s Force signature or whatever it was called was harder to track than anticipated.  Hux was not foolish enough to think that was the only possible reason for his mood though.  It could be any number of things.  He may have changed his mind about who he would allow Hux to interact with.  He may have changed his mind about wanting to go hunting.  It could have been something he had for breakfast that had disagreed with him.  It could have been that he was not a natural savant with a gun.  Ren was so childish it could have been anything, really. 

The tundra terrain was not something Hux was used to, but when they approached the forest area near the base of the mountain he felt a bit more in his element.  He was also nearly close enough for the tracking functions on his datapad to be able to scan for heat signatures on the mountain.  Even if Ren was having difficulty using the Force, if Hux could find something that gave off a signature that was relatively close to a human’s it would be worth an even closer look.  Then the mission would be one step closer to being complete.  One step closer to getting back to the Finalizer, a regular climate, his work, his crew, his own quarters, the scant creature comforts he afforded himself…

…and Kylo Ren…finally…

They were orders.  He was obeying orders.  Orders needed to be obeyed.  He had to do it.  It made sense to obey them.  The benefits to the First Order, the Finalizer and his crew outweighed Hux’s own marginal discomfort.  It was like an arranged marriage.  He would probably have to have sex even if he did not particularly want it if he got married.  Hux could force himself to be at peace with this.  It was just his body.  This would not hurt him.  This would not change him.  There was more to gain than there was to be lost.

He tried very hard to believe all of that as he nervously watched Ren.  The knight still seemed a bit sour and Hux could not quite pin down a reason why.  He wanted to ask, if only to have his apprehension put to rest, but if they spoke too openly they might give away their mission.  And if they had to kill off an entire hunting party to cover their mistake, someone was going to be bound to notice and start asking all the wrong questions.  Still, this was starting to eat at him, and he could not have Ren having a tantrum and attracting who knew what to their location. 

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked quiety. 

“I hate these things…” grumbled Ren, jerking the strap that kept his gun secured across his back, “And I hate you using them…they…it doesn’t suit you.” 

“We have to,” Hux replied barely above a whisper, “Imagine if we used blasters.  To my knowledge we’re the only ones in this area with a plasma weapon.  If someone came across a dead body riddled with plasma bolts and saber burns they would know it was us.  It wouldn’t take long for people to realize who the most prolific lightsaber wielder in the Galaxy is and suspect you.” 

“That doesn’t mean I have to enjoy this…I’ve never been good with blasters or anything like that,” admitted Ren, “When I was little my…someone tried to teach me.  I was awful.  I tried to get better, I wanted to impress him, but I wasn’t any good at it.  It was stupid.  I thought if I got better he might…he might like me enough to stay more often.” 

Hux was surprised at how open Ren was with his feelings.  This was not the first time he had openly spoken about painful memories.  He was always remarkably transparent when it came to his thoughts, as if he had little to no filter.  From what Hux had read about dark Force-Users, they strived for naturalness and chaos.  Ren certainly embodied both of those, and his penchant for speaking freely about pain, fear and anger seemed to fall in with that.  Still, it was eerie.  Hux had been taught that those things were to be contained and hidden at all costs.  Betraying a weakness to the enemy was the surest way to get oneself killed. 

Or was this some sort of gambit?  Like when Hux said please or pretended to be supportive and understanding.  Was Ren trying to make him feel badly for him?  He would have a hard time with that.  Empathy was not a trait that came to Hux naturally.  He had very nearly been barred from becoming an officer due to the suspicion that he might have been a high-functioning sociopath, and as such was not fit for a leadership position.  It was funny to think back on that now that he had first-hand experience dealing with a real, full-fledged, anti-social personality.  In the end though, if Ren wanted someone to pity him he was whining and wrapping himself around the wrong leg. 

“You’re good at it though.  In your file, it says you hold records,” said Ren. 

“I do,” replied Hux. 

“Must be nice being good at everything you set your mind to…” muttered the knight. 

“Not always.  The thing about an eidetic memory is that you remember everything.  Everything I saw in simulations, every battlefield observation, every…” Hux trailed off, “I can recall every unpleasant moment of my life with perfect clarity.  They’ll never fade.  I’ll remember them forever.”  He paused as he blanched and the blood in his veins retreated from his fingers, “I’m…going to remember everything…”    

“Then…I’ll make sure you have good memories,” said Ren, touching Hux’s shoulder lightly, trying to comfort him, “I’ll make sure you have more good than bad and…maybe it’ll make the bad things easier to handle.” 

Hux stopped in his tracks and looked up at Ren.  It was…probably the kindest thing anyone had ever said to him.  It was so kind Hux had no idea what to think.  Part of him felt like breaking down and blubbering on the spot because he had no concept of what to do or how to feel when someone said something so nice to him while he was feeling such distress.  Then the memories of who Ren was and what he had done flooded back and only served to amplify his confusion.  The man who was going to be burned into his memory forever as the person who violated him was the only person in his life who had ever shown him such unabashed kindness.  He wanted, in that moment of weakness, so badly to believe that Ren would really try to take some of his pain away despite know full well that he was the source of it all. 

Ren smiled softly and kissed his lips, surprisingly chaste as he pulled back and hummed, “There’s one more good one.” 

Hux looked away and kept walking, “I need to conduct a survey…can you cover for me if I wander off?” 

“Should be easy enough, just be careful,” warned Ren, “If something happens make sure you call for me, alright?” 

“I doubt I’ll need assistance,” said Hux quietly.  He had a gun, he had read about them, he knew how it worked.  If something happened he could take care of himself.  He had always taken care of himself.  He did not need Ren and his false assurances. 

“But if you do, just call out or project your thoughts or feelings as strong as you can and I’ll come running,” promised Ren. 

Hux relented, “I will…” 

He began to wander away, pretending to be looking around at different plants or listening for songbirds.  If he was caught walking off on his own he needed an excuse.  Hux tried to think about what he would say, and if he had enough Hathan vocabulary to explain without slipping into Standard.  He tried, but his thoughts were fixed on Ren.  He could not believe he actually felt desire to be touched by him, even if it was just desperation brought on by high-strung emotions.  For a few moments he had wanted for Ren to hold him close and reassure him.  It was wrong.  It was sick.  The memories of being in the shuttle, pinned down and begging not to be touched while Ren rutted against him.  That was the man he wanted comfort from? 

He wandered further and when the group was no longer in eye or earshot he began assembling his equipment.  He tried so hard to focus on connecting all of the pieces, but his thoughts kept wandering, telling him that he was sick, that he was breaking, that there was something horribly, horribly wrong with him.  It was a fact, a terrible, unchangeable fact that a few moments ago he had wanted a man who sexually harassed and assaulted him to touch him.  When Ren had molested him on the shuttle it had been terrifying, but he had felt good.  When Ren tried to have sex with him on the _Helden_ , he had resisted, but he’d had an orgasm.  As much as he tried to tell himself that it was just knee-jerk reactions, evidence was quickly stacking up and making an unwelcomed case that perhaps there was some sick, twisted part of him that wanted to be raped. 

“I don’t,” Hux growled to himself and nobody in particular.  He did not want to be raped.  Who in their right mind wanted that?  He did not want rape.  He wanted physical touch, gentle and comforting.  Perhaps there was some part of him that had been awakened that wanted to be touched despite his lack of attraction.  Perhaps he wanted sex.  It was plausible.  He had read that it was possible for someone like him to still want sex, or at least comforting touches without being attracted to anyone in particular. 

He thought about touching himself and it grounded him.  That was the touch that he wanted.  He did not want to be held down and be violated.  He wanted to sit or lie close to someone and exchange feather soft touches.  It did not have to escalate, he just wanted the warmth and comfort of being touched.  As for Ren…he was the only person on the damned planet who he knew so naturally he gravitated to him.  The familiarity had bred something close to comradeship between them; that was all.  It would have been the same if he had been with anybody else from the Finalizer.

“I’m not sick,” Hux whispered to himself, not caring that he sounded positively insane, assembling a thermal energy detector and talking at himself.  He tried to think of someone he would want to touch him.  Phasma would be too strange.  She was a Captain under his command and the closest thing to a friend he had.  Most of the people he could think of were subordinate to him so he knew he could never ask such a thing without undertones of rank-abuse in the request. 

He huffed to himself as he switched the machine on and watched in scan the area for heat signatures, setting it to the temperature of the human body.  He watched it almost immediately pick up his own signature as well as Ren’s and the hunters’.  Cadets and Privates had often joked about people who used their shore leave to hire a prostitute to pretend to be their mother.  Hux had never exactly seen what was so funny about it, but had agreed that anyone desperate enough to pay someone to mother them must have been incredibly weak.  However, he was considering the thought very seriously.  Nobody would question it if a young officer went to a brothel for the evening, and he had certainly earned enough credits over the course of his career to pay for silence on what he had requested.  It might have been nice.  Having some anonymous woman or man lie beside him, lightly stroking his face, tracing patterns on his back and combing through his hair.  The more he thought of it, the more he found himself liking the idea.  It was too bad Ren would probably kill him if he found out about it. 

He started slightly as the heat detector buzzed in his hand.  There was another signature on the mountain.  Hux set the machine down and crouched over it, taking out his datapad and looking over the maps, marking where the signature had been detected.  Instantly it began pinging in more and more signatures, detecting every person and animal in the vicinity.  Quickly Hux adjusted it to a temperature that was normal for humanoids and the others went away.  Now all he could see were the hunting party, himself, and of course, the unknown figure on the mountain.    

He watched it carefully for a moment.  It was not moving, at least not noticeably, from its place near one of the mountain’s plateaus.  He had the datapad project a topographical map of the area.  Wildlife and weather aside, it looked like a fairly standard climb, all hiking with no rock climbing involved at all.  Roughly fifty or so meters up, it would not be a terribly long hike. 

Hux wondered though, why didn’t it move?  Had Ren been undetectable to the Jedi because of all the latent Force-sensitives in the area?  It was possible, but Hux could not shake the gut feeling that their target knew they were on the planet and knew that they were coming for him.  If so, what was he waiting for?  Why not come down from the mountain and take them out while their Force-User was disoriented? 

Hux started again as he picked up yet another signature.  Furrowing his brow he examined it.  It was about halfway between them and the town.  That was…odd.  From everything Hux had heard people did not wander outside the town alone during this time of year.  He spent about ten minutes watching it, trying to judge whether or not this person had followed them.  He’d been assured that nobody took pleasure strolls this time of year, especially alone, yet here was this person doing just that.  Hux made a note of it and its position before starting to disassemble the equipment.  They had everything that they needed to mount their expedition.  They knew the target’s location, had the weapons and resources to take him out, and once the mission was successful. 

Hux cringed as he replaced his datapad and put the pieces of the detector away.  When the mission was over he would let Ren have his way.  There was no avoiding it and this was probably the best sort of circumstance he could have hoped for.  Nobody would know.  And perhaps…perhaps it did not have to be bad.  He could pretend he wanted it.  If he did than it might sting less.  If he could dissociate enough during the act to convince himself that it was something he wanted, it would not be good, but it might hurt a little less. 

He felt something brush against the back of his hair.  He scowled to himself and shuddered, “Dammit Ren, I told you not to do that.” 

Then a voice growled back. 

Hux’s eyes widened.  The Force was not touching him.  Something else was touching him.  He turned, moving very slowly from where he was crouched to see an animal, definitely canine with plenty more teeth than any dog ought to have watching him, inches from the back of his neck.  Scanning behind it quickly, Hux could see a few more like it hiding in the foliage. 

So, this was a Gnaf… 

Hux fought the urge to stand up.  How could it have snuck up?  Why hadn’t the heat sensor caught them?  He remembered adjusting the settings and cursed himself.  He shouldn’t have done that…   

He couldn’t stand up, not right away.  Standing up after being crouched in front of a predatory animal was usually seen as aggressive.  He moved slowly as the animal watched him.  It must have been about to grab him by the back of the neck and drag him off, and was now reformulating its plan.  Hux kept a hand between them, knowing he would need something to shield his face and neck if the thing attacked him.  It seemed to be all fur and teeth and large yellow eyes as it opened its jaws and watched him.  Hux had not read about the creatures, but he knew well enough what a hungry animal looked like before it struck. 

The moments before it lunged seemed to last a lifetime.  Hux kept a hand in front of him as he slowly lifted his leg, knowing he would only have one chance to kick this thing away.  It was strange that he was so calm.  This thing was going to rip and tear into him, shredding his skin and muscles.  Its pack was going to eat him alive.  And yet, he much calmer than he was with Ren.  He locked eyes with it as saliva dripped from its mouth and it crouched. 

It sprang up and Hux kicked it squarely in the throat.  It let out a strangled yelp and coughed as more of the creatures began pouring in from to forest.  Hux got up and ran.  They were charging.  Staying crouched was no longer going to be of any help to him.  He dashed to the nearest tree and started climbing.  He felt one of them snap its jaws around his boot and barely succeeded in kicking it off of his leg.  He climbed, much higher than was necessary, admittedly, but needed to make sure he was out of reach. 

He looked down once he felt he had put enough distance between them.  The Gnafs let out a loud howl that rang in Hux’s ears.  More of them ran in upon hearing the call and circled the tree.  Unable to climb, they seemed content to wait until Hux either lost his grip or no longer had the strength to keep himself upright and fell down.  He looked down and recalled the number of bullets in his pouch.  He did not have enough for all of them, but if he made himself seem troublesome and dangerous enough, they would probably run off in search of easier prey. 

Careful, doing what he could to keep his balance, Hux took his weapon from his back and aimed it.  He was not used to this much interference when he took a shot.  He would need to adjust for the slight breeze, as well as the slight shaking of his tree branch.  He looked for the one that he had kicked, but could not spot it.  There were too many of them, and with their grey-brown fur they all looked the same.  He tried to pick a big one, one that might be their leader.  If something happened to it than the others would surely fall with it. 

He set one between his sights, aiming for its neck when it finally stopped pacing, sitting to wait for its prey to fall out of the tree.  Hux pulled the trigger and his gun made a deafening cracking sound and the smell of smoke filled his nostrils.  He was thrust backwards and shouted wordlessly, barely catching another branch to steady himself as the recoil knocked him backwards.  He heard a yelp before him and looked down.  He had missed its neck and hit the Gnaf in the chest instead.  It stumbled and let out rasping barks before it fell on its side and flailed helplessly.  It stilled and bled out quietly in the melting snow. 

“One down…” Hux muttered to himself as he braced himself more steadily in the tree.  He was familiar with the recoil now and would not be knocked back again. 

He watched the animals below him carefully.  The had been alarmed by the sound of the gunshot and by one of their own suddenly dropping dead, but enough of them must have seen him nearly fall to think that their prey would fall soon enough.  Hux glared at them.  He was not going to make himself easy prey.  He had one more shot before he had to reload and aimed it carefully.  He picked another large one.  Before his aim had been off, so perhaps if he adjusted slightly… 

This one hit much closer to its mark and the kill was much cleaner.  The thing did not even have time to make a sound before it fell lifelessly to the ground.  That seemed to be making a number of them think twice, but just as many of them stared up as he shifted, trying to reload his weapon from where he was seated.  It had been challenging enough on the ground, but it was worse trying to stay balanced and still load the bullets and powder in their respective chambers. 

It took two more kills before the things started to back off.  A good number of them had retreated back into the forest, but a foolhardy few still seemed to think that he would fall out of the tree or run out of ammunition and eventually fall.  Hux began to reload again and leveled his weapon, aiming at one that occasionally ran up and clawed at the tree trunk. 

That was when he heard another growl. 

At first, Hux had thought a tree had fallen over when something large moved in his peripheral vision.  The remaining Gnafs took off as it came fully into Hux’s view.  A Hathan Wampa, it seemed, was a dirty brown colour, as opposed to its counterparts on Hoth.  They were slightly smaller, but that was like saying Captain Phasma was slightly smaller than a mounted cannon.  Both were still equally capable of killing him. 

Hux kept himself still.  The thing had not noticed him and he wanted to keep it that way.  It was much more interested in the dead Gnafs, which would make a much easier meal than live prey.  Hux breathed slightly easier.  This was good.  He just had to wait for the Wampa to have its fill from the smaller predator’s carcasses and then it would leave.  Contrary to what popular imagination believed, predators preferred not to hunt at all if they could help it.  Hunting was a high risk way of feeding and if they could scavenge, rather than put themselves in danger fighting live prey, they would do it.  It seemed the wrong time of year for Wampas to start hording food, but perhaps if it was full after eating two or three Gnafs, it would drag the fourth back to its den and leave Hux alone to climb down. 

He sighed with relief and watched the Wampa feed, settling his back against the trunk of the tree, resting his gun across his lap.  It was then that he noticed that he was shaking.  No doubt from adrenaline.  He let out a shaky few breaths before forcing them to become fuller and deeper as he brought himself back to his usual calm, though it didn’t come easy.  Keeping quiet came easily enough.  He would be quiet and wait and the thing would leave.  It was not the boldest way of solving the problem but it had the highest probability of survival.  If he missed or somehow failed to kill his target, it would try to kill him. 

He had always preferred waiting.  When it came down to a test of wills he was certain he could out-wait anyone.  It might not look like it, but there was strength in this.  When he had been a great deal younger and more insecure in his strength his Father had given him a few words he had never forgotten. 

_“CO-1413, are you alive?”_

_“Yes, Sir.”_

_“Then that is all the proof your strength requires.”_

Survival meant strength.  It did not matter if that survival came from dubious or unconventional means.  At the end of the day, if he was alive, he was strong.  He was alive after living through Arkanis’ many civil conflicts and turmoil.  He had survived Arkanis Academy.  He had survived multiple engagements with the Resistance and other enemies.  After Ren’s constant threats and badgering, he was still alive.  He was alive, and therefore he was strong.  If he was weak, he would be dead.  Hux often caught himself resenting his father, though he was told it was normal for children to feel that way after they’d grown, but he never found himself hating the man.  He had done what he could to make sure he would grow up to be strong, and in the end it would seem he succeeded.  By his father’s definition, he was still strong.  In spite of everything, there still must have been some strength in him, or he would be dead.  Hux thought back on his experience.  Yes, a lesser man would have backed down or killed himself by now. 

Perhaps sitting up in a tree waiting for his problem to go away was not the most valiant way to come out of this situation, but it was one that would guarantee his survival.  The same way that obeying the Supreme Leader and giving in to Ren was the best way to secure his command and survival.  It was not what he wanted, but it was what needed to be done.  He would stay strong and survive this the way he had survived everything else.  So what if he might be sick in the head and little better than a whore?  He was going to live.  Life was proof of his strength.  If he stayed alive and stayed strong, surely everything else could sort itself out. 

He glanced downwards at the Wampa.  He could hear the cracking of bones between its jaws as it ate the carcasses of smaller predators.  Hux wondered if he could kill it.  It would be a risk.  If he missed, or if the weapon was not powerful enough the thing would come for him, and it seemed like it would be strong enough to shake him out of the tree.  If the Finalizer and his crew had not been depending on his survival, he might have tried it.  The idea of feeding on a predator was appealing to him. 

The Wampa looked up.  Hux was certain it must have spotted him, but it made no move to go after him.  Hux was too far away, too much effort, especially when there were three more carcasses it could feed on.  It studied Hux for a moment, and the General kept his grip on his weapon, just to be safe, before the creature started feeding on the second carcass. 

Hux sighed and leaned back.  He was calmer now, and he felt better.  He watched the Wampa and if not for the possibility of falling to his death, he felt like he might almost be able to relax up here.  Ren said he came from a Forrest Planet and could climb most of the trees.  It occurred to Hux that he had never been this high up in a tree before.  Not a real one.  He had been in a few for combat situations, but never like this.  There was something strangely calming about it. 

This was the world and how it worked.  There was only chaos and wildness.  The strong fed on those that were weaker than them.  Only order could transcend that and bring peace and some semblance of harmony to nature.  It was the only thing that could make the universe livable for humans.  He glanced down at the Wampa.  The apex predator dictated the order it seemed, but that creature was not the alpha.  Hux was.  The thing lived because he did not feel like hunting it. 

He scowled as he continued to watch.  He was the Gnaf.  Working well within a group, good at coordinating a hunt, but weak and frail on their own.  Ren was the Wampa, massive, a threat through its sheer power.  Snoke was the human, out of sight, watching the whole thing play out, ready to pull the trigger if he had to.  That was how the universe worked.  And like dogs at the dawn of civilization, the best chance he would have of taking down such a large predator, was to hunt beside the human. 

That was when it occurred to Hux.  If he was the better predator, if he could make himself of more use than Ren, perhaps the Supreme Leader would have to… 

There was no time to muse on that though.  Ren burst into the small clearing, wild eyed, furious, holding his gun like a club and charging the Wampa. 

“Kriff!  Ren get down!” shouted Hux, angry at such a display of incompetence and leveling his weapon. 

Seeing a more pressing threat than a treed human and dead Gnafs, the Wampa let out a bellow at Ren, drawing itself up to be more threatening.  Ren didn’t care.  It seemed he never cared.  He screamed out wordlessly and charged at it.  Hux fired a shot and let out a dissatisfied hiss as the Wampa howled.  He’d only managed to hit one of its horns.  It was enough to distract it as Ren charged though, leaping up and clubbing it across the face with the butt of his gun. 

“Shoot it!” shouted Hux, trying to take aim, “Shoot it you idiot!  Don’t club it!” 

The Wampa recovered and froze.  Ren held up both hands, reaching out and making a ring with his fingers.  The Wampa began to claw at its throat, slicing through its own skin as its desperation grew.  Hux’s eyes widened as Ren actually managed to lift the thing off the ground.  Ren was Force-choking a Wampa, and he was winning.  It took him a moment to recover his thoughts again.  Kill it.  He had to kill it.  If he didn’t and Ren died, the Supreme Leader might… 

Hux took aim and fired again, shaking with the kick of recoil that pressed into his shoulder.  The Wampa’s front limbs fell limply to its side and its jaw fell slack.  Its head lolled forward as blood spilled from an open, gaping hole in its skull.  Ren released it and it fell to the ground. 

Ren did not spare it a second glance as he ran to the base of the tree, “Hux!?  Hux are you alright!?” 

“I’m fine,” snapped Hux, “I had everything under control.” 

Ren was breathing heavily.  He seemed to be calming himself from his frenzy.  He seemed so relieved he was almost ready to cry.  Hux bit the inside of his cheek and considered that.  Nobody had ever been so concerned over his wellbeing that they had broken down in tears after discovering he was well.  No.  Ren was not thankful that he was alright.  He was thankful that he had not lost his doll.  There was a difference and Hux reminded himself to keep that difference in mind at all times.  He could not allow himself to sympathize with Ren.  If he started down that slippery slope there would be no clawing his way up again. 

“Thank god…” Ren said quietly, looking up at Hux, “I felt…I felt them and heard them hunting you and I was so scared…” 

“I’m fine,” Hux repeated, replacing the gun on his back. 

Alei and his party emerged, following after Ren and looked up.  Someone pointed up and said something regarding ‘Fleance’ and there was a round of nervous, relieved laughter.  One of them, Vanya, walked up to Kylo and patted him on the back, saying something reassuring in Hathan.  The others looked over the dead Gnafs and the Wampa.  Alei called up, “Little Fleance is not so sweet as he looks…” 

“When did I _ever_ say I was sweet?” scoffed Hux, settling his hands on some of the branches. 

“It’s okay H-Fleance!” called Ren, “Jump down, I’ll catch you.” 

“I can get down by myself,” insisted Hux, slowly working his way down, checking his foot holds and taking care not to snag his belt or coat on the branches.  Getting up was the easy part it seemed. 

“Just jump!” said Ren, standing at the base of the tree with his arms outstretched, “I’ll catch you.” 

“I said no!” insisted Hux, “It’s too high for that.  Just wait a moment.” 

Hux continued to cautiously work his way down, balancing his weight on a thick branch and clinging to a slimmer one above him as he looked for his next foothold.  He had not really been paying attention when he had been climbing.  He had been too focused on surviving, his drive to keep himself alive acting as blinders to everything that was not a means to escape.  He checked below and found he did not like looking down.  Hux had never been afraid of heights, but he was discovering that looking down and seeing where he might fall and crack his skull open on the ground was incredibly unsettling. 

That was when he heard a crack.  He thought for a moment he had imagined it, he had been thinking of bone snapping, or that perhaps another Wampa had come and was snapping the bones of a Gnaf carcass in its jaws.  Then Hux felt empty air beneath his feet and burning in his arms as the branch under his feet snapped and fell away.  Hux fought to keep his grip and heard another loud snap.  The branch gave way and Hux let go, scrambling to find some other grip as the branch swing down towards the trunk of the tree. 

He fell, hard and fast, miraculously hitting nothing on his way down until he was caught.  His vision blurred as his brain surged with adrenaline and fear, barely registering the fact that he was being supported under his shoulders and knees.  Hux panted heavily as his eyes bulged, trying to come to grips with the fall and subsequent landing.  He did not even notice when Ren started kissing him, hardly hearing the uncomfortable reassurances that he was going to be alright and that Ren had him.

“So this is trouble Fleance always gets up to,” marvelled Alei, looking from the carcasses over to Hux and Ren.  He was smiling with some amusement now that the danger had passed, “And here Alei thought Rax was making the stories about how Fleance was always in trouble.” 

When Hux heard the hunting party laughing he snapped out of his stunned stupor.  They were laughing at him.  In spite of his kills they were laughing at him.  In their eyes he was just Ren’s plaything, a little damsel he always swooped in to rescue.  He felt his cheeks burn at the thought and Ren kissed him gently, whispering, “They aren’t laughing at you, they’re happy you’re safe.” 

“Stay out of my head,” Hux whispered lowly, pushing at Ren’s chest, hoping vainly to be let down. 

“I’m not in your head.  You’re more obvious with your face and body language than you like to think,” said Ren.  He nuzzled Hux’s neck, “I was so scared for you…why didn’t you call?” 

“I had it under control…Put me down,” said Hux.  Seeing no results he tried again, “Please put me down.” 

“Your knees feel weak.  You’ll just fall down again,” protested Kylo, shifting Hux in his arms far too easily for the General’s liking and holding him close, “I’ve got you.  I won’t let you fall.” 

Hux closed his eyes after making sure that the others were busy deliberating over the carcasses.  He whispered, “You snapped the branches.  You made me fall.” 

“I had you the whole time…didn’t you think it was romantic?” asked Ren quizzically. 

Romantic?  Thinking he was falling to his death was supposed to be romantic?  Hux shook his head and reached up, holding onto Ren’s shoulders for support.  His arms shook as feeling returned to his body and his hair slowly stopped standing on end, “Ren, please, this has to stop.  You can’t keep doing these things.  I’m letting you touch me, kiss me…isn’t that enough?” 

“I’m just trying to make good memories for you…” said Ren lamely. 

Hux closed his eyes again.  He was not sure why he bothered trying to reason with Ren anymore at this point.  He was going to do what he wanted and Hux could only slightly divert and stall his intentions.  He hoped this would not become a new fixation for the knight the way his virginity had.  He was not sure if he would be able to survive Ren’s attempts at making pleasant memories for him, especially if they all involved rescuing him from deadly situations. 

“What made you think that was a good idea?” demanded Hux. 

“I…my…people I knew.  A man who would catch his wife like that and I thought…” Ren began sheepishly before he trailed off and finished, “I wanted to show you that I could catch you.  That you can trust me to take care of you.  You’re still nervous so…I just wanted to help.  And I was scared and I really needed to hold you and make sure you were alright.” 

Hux supposed he ought to be thankful Ren was being bashful about his mix up and not offended that Hux was not responding correctly.  That was something of a lucky break.  He gripped Ren’s jacket in his hands, “Don’t do it again.” 

“Do you trust me?” asked Ren, rubbing along Hux’s shoulder, “Do you trust that I’ll be gentle with you?” 

It always seemed to come back to sex with Ren.  Hux knew the knight would be gentle.  In spite of how often he was held down, Ren had never done anything sexual that crossed into pain.  He had been held down and threatened, but whenever Ren was touching him he always seemed to take great care not to cause any pain.  Ren was going to be gentle and Hux nearly wished he wouldn’t.  If he was rough and got it over with quickly it would be painful and so much easier to categorize in his head as unpleasant instead of trying to compartmentalize each touch into pleasant, humiliating and unwanted all at once. 

“I do…so put me down,” said Hux, keeping his eyes shut in resignation. 

“It’s okay, let me take care of you,” said Ren, shushing him gently, “I won’t let anything out here hurt you.” 

There was so much wrong with all of that.  ‘Let me.’  Just like the first time Ren had touched him.  Hux briefly wondered if that counted as asking consent in the knight’s mind.  It was forceful language wrapped in the illusion of polity.  And of course, whenever Ren talked about defending and protecting him it was like a hand reaching into his stomach and twisting his guts.  The man sincerely seemed to have no idea how much pain and anxiety he was causing.  He was so blissfully deluded that he deemed it perfectly acceptable to continue when a firm no had been given. 

“I’ll get you back to the transport and get someone to start the boiler.  You’re shivering really bad,” said Ren. 

It was adrenaline more than cold, but sitting by the boiler sounded pleasant.  Hux whispered to Kylo, “Ask for Levin.  He doesn’t understand standard and knows how to operate it.  I think I found your Jedi, and possibly something else.” 

“You just got attacked by a pack of wild animals, a Wampa and fell out of a tree and you’re still…” said Ren, looking down at him incredulously.  He sighed and shook his head before kissing Hux’s cheek fondly and adjusting his grip on the slighter man, “I suppose it’s hard wired in your head to put the mission first.  I’ll ask him.” 

The mission was all Hux had to distract himself.  On the Finalizer he could find any number of tasks to displace thoughts of Ren and his desires.  Here there was only one task, the mission, and Hux’s primary coping mechanism was to attend his task and pretend everything was something close to normal.  If everything around him was normal, he could pretend Ren was not always watching and waiting.  It kept his mind in one piece and helped him keep his head above the sea of horrible realities that threatened to overtake and drown him. 

And ironically the one thing he had to cling to, the only thing that offered to keep his sanity intact, was the only thing standing between him and lying in in the bed he had made for himself. 


	33. Good Men and True in this House to Dwell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd told me back in March that I would still be writing this fic up until now, I'd call you crazy. Not because I haven't planned ahead, but because I was so determined to finish this one. I wasn't expecting to move across the Pacific ocean (twice) and get a job that left me so little time for writing. But, here we are, and I hope people can forgive me for it. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me this long. We'll see what updates will be like post-TLJ

Hux tried to ignore his surroundings after giving Ren his report.  Their target would likely be waiting on his plateau.  Hux had already picked a spot where he should be out of sight and have a decent shot if Ren was not able to extract the information he needed.  The only unknown variable was that human signature outside the town.  It might have just been someone talking an extremely ill-advised walk, but given how adamant people were reluctant to leave their village without a party or at least a weapon.  Perhaps the person was armed, only leaving for a short time and far from normal hunting grounds.  It might have been nothing, but Hux was not going to overlook it just yet. 

He remained quiet and considered how close the mission was to being over.  They would rest, look over their equipment, go out to secure their target and then it would be over.  Likely within the daily cycle.  Hux kept trying to tell himself it was nothing so terrible.  It was not as if he was about to be executed.  Ren had even promised it would not hurt.  People had sex all the time.  It was nothing.  He was working hard at convincing himself of the harmlessness of it and the benefit, perhaps in time he might even be able to tell himself that some part of him was willing.  He had given his permission, he had chosen the time it would happen.  Agreement was consent, after a fashion.  He might not fully enjoy it, but it was not as if he was screaming and pleading for it to stop. 

He tried to convince himself that everything that was going to happen between him and Ren would not be rape.  It required him to stretch and bend the definition of the word in his mind, but if he could do it, it would make everything so much less painful.  His honour would stay so much more intact if he could just convince himself that this wasn’t exactly what it was. 

But as much as he tried, he found he could not. 

Consent obtained through coercion was null.  Consent obtained through abuse of rank and command was null.  He might have been allowing it but he did not want it.  He was not willing.  In less than twenty-four hours Ren was going to take him, and he was going to allow it to happen.  Now that it was so close at hand and so inevitable he could not stop thinking about it.  His limbs felt numb as he anticipated it.  His fingers dug into his palms and not for his gloves he might have drawn blood.  He tried to think of a way out.  He could take the shuttle and leave Ren stranded on Hathan.  If not for the Supreme Leader he might have done it.  If he disobeyed so grievously he would have to retreat to the furthest reaches of the Outer Rim to escape Ren and his Master.  He could not abandon the First Order like that. 

He tried to think of words he might use to plead his case.  Perhaps if he tried to contact the Supreme Leader with a counterargument, reasons that it would be terrible for Ren to take him, perhaps he might be convinced and call the knight off.  Hux tried to think of his own importance, reasons he was an irreplaceable asset to the First Order and reasons psychological damage would make him less effective.  None came.  Only childish boasting about records and achievements.  Perhaps any General who replaced him would not be so accomplished, but they would be capable.  Even if one or two, even three individuals came to replace him, _he_ could be replaced.

Ren was the irreplaceable one.  The non-expendable one.  Him and his powers that seemed to be the wellspring of Hux’s misery.  Without his powers Ren was useless, a joke, a child.  Hux wished bitterly that their fortunes had been reversed.  If he had that power, that strength, nobody could touch him.  He might have won the war all on his own by now.  The Supreme Leader would never make his needs such a low priority if Hux had Ren’s power.  He wondered why the universe had seen it fit to do this to him.  Was this some sort of perverse object lesson?  A painful morality tale about becoming too arrogant or feeling too secure in one’s strength?  If it was a lesson, or a joke, it was in poor taste and badly told. 

It was strange now that all he could think about was how desperate he was to avoid this.  It was not such a terrible fate.  He would live.  He would be able to return to his life and live as close to normal as he could.  But all he could think of was the wretched anticipation.  It was coming, but he could not stop it.  He did not want it, but he could not stop it.  It was going to happen and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He wanted to cry again, but the tears would not come.  He thought perhaps if he could manage a few tears he would get the emotion out of his system and his mind might be a little less fogged by it.  He could not recall ever wanting to cry, but it was strange how now that he wanted to, he could not.  It seemed tears always came when he did not want to show them, and now he wanted to and his eyes were completely dry. 

Ren sat next to him on the transport, an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close and nuzzling against him.  He reached up and stroked his hair, “You’re feeling off.  Are you okay?” 

Hux looked up at him.  One more time.  He would try to reason with him one more time.  Hux turned and looked at Ren, who had gotten much better at looking him in the eyes.  Hux tugged at the knight’s jacket and met his gaze, “Please don’t make me do this.  Please…try to feel what I’m feeling and…please reconsider.” 

Ren seemed slightly stunned by that.  He furrowed his brow and looked Hux over incredulously, “What…what are you talking about?”

“You can do other things and I don’t mind…if it’s something small I can manage but please, don’t make me do this,” pleaded Hux. 

Ren looked at the hunting party, who were speaking in Hathan and not really paying them much mind.  Hux had been very quiet since his ‘fall’ and likely believed the stress of everything he had been put through that day was what had put him in such a stressed and shaky state.  Once the knight seemed convinced there were no eavesdroppers, he leaned in close, to whisper, “It’s okay to be scared.   I promise it won’t hurt…what’s wrong?” 

“Why can’t you see how much this hurts?” Hux asked, feeling too trapped and caged for incredulity.  He shook his head and turned his attention to the fist in his lap that kept clenching, “Please just…try…try to see what this is doing to me.” 

“It’ll be alright…I was scared too, everyone is with their first,” said Ren, reaching down and putting a hand over Hux’s, “I’ll go slow, I’ll make it as easy on you as I can.  I really want this to be good for you.  You deserve it.” 

Hux paused at that.  He deserved this?  What on earth had he done to deserve any of this?  He was no saint, he had his share of blood on his hands, but had anything he had done been enough to warrant a fraction of what the knight was doing and was going to do to him?  He _deserved_ this? 

“Shh…it’s okay.  Today’s been really rough for you, hasn’t it?” Ren soothed, running the backs of his fingers over Hux’s cheek, “It’s okay.  I’m right here.” 

“Please…don’t do this to me…” Hux whispered. 

“Shh…” hushed Ren, kissing Hux’s temple and pulling him closer, “I love you so much.  I won’t hurt you.  I won’t.  It’ll be alright, I promise.” 

Hux let him have his way.  Again.  He let Ren kiss him and cuddle him like an overgrown doll as he stayed limp and quiet against the knight’s chest.  So this was it.  There was nothing he could do that did not end in him being punished by the Supreme Leader or fleeing the First Order to save himself.  Neither were real options.  He had to stay with this and perhaps, perhaps if he could stick it out an opportunity would present itself.  He just had to be patient.  If he stayed alive, he might get his chance to prove himself more valuable than Ren.  If he could do that, the Supreme Leader would have to stop him.  Ren might not be punished, and it was too late to stop the knight now, but there was a chance that he would at least be stopped at some point along the line. 

It was so strange that even now with no way out, backed into the corner with Ren baring down on them, he could not seem to lose all hope.  It was like he was incapable of letting go of it.  He wanted to lose all hope.  He wanted so badly for his mind to accept that there was nothing he could do.  He wanted to be able to accept that there was nothing left to hope for.  Then he could break and cry so he could put himself back together again and start everything fresh.  All he could think of were plans, next steps, divergent routes the future might take as if he had a future worth living for anymore. 

No.  No it was worth living for.  The First Order was worth living through all this pain.  Bringing Order back to the galaxy was worth all of it.  He had to believe that or else, what was the point to anything he had ever done in his life?  Everything had been concentrated on that one goal.  He could not abandon it now, not because of Ren.  The knight had taken everything else, but he Hux would not allow him to have that. 

“Fleance is alright?” asked Alei, precariously moving to the back of the transport.  Hux was still shocked that Kylo allowed this man to touch his frozen cheeks, calling back in Hathan language before giving Hux a concerned look, “I don’t know standard word for it, but Fleance is sick?” 

“An acute stress reaction, a mild form of shock,” said Hux.  He was also probably having a small panic-attack, but he was not about to say that out loud.  His sensory overload was not bothering him so much, but the occasional scent or physical sensation jarred him. 

Alei called up to Vassili, who passed back a canteen.  He turned back to Hux, “Keep warm.  Drink when he can.  Try to keep feet up.  Maybe Rax can help?” 

“Of course,” said Ren, moving an arm under Hux’s legs.  Hux knew keeping legs elevated helped to treat shock but it was so mild, and most of it was coming from his own panic and dread that he had thought Ren helping to keep his legs up would only upset him more and make things worse.  Ren manoeuvered him until he hand Hux’s legs in his lap and asked, “Like this?” 

“Is good.  Make sure he is warm.  Blood needs to flow to get better,” explained Alei.  He reached for Hux’s belt, “Tight clothes maybe make it-”

“No, don’t touch it!” exclaimed Hux, placing a shaking, clammy hand over it and surprised at how desperate his voice had sounded.  He paused for a moment, wondering at how sensitive he had become to the idea of someone taking his clothes off.  Alei had never hurt him.  He had teased a little, but he had been helpful and welcoming.  He only wanted the belt off to make sure he was not obstructing his slightly laboured blood flow.  The man would not have hurt him at all and yet the idea of someone else undressing him was… 

“Don’t touch it, please,” said Hux, willing himself to repeat the words more calmly, politely. 

Alei gave Hux a pitying look before placing a large hand amiably on his cheek, “Is my fault.  Being pleasure-slave must not be good times.  Should have asked Fleance first.” 

So he thought…?  Oddly enough he was not terribly far off the mark, and as such the pleasure-slave title almost fit him now.  Hux very much doubted he would be compensated for what Ren was going to do to him, and doubted even more that he would be thankful for recompense if it was given.  He kept trying to calm himself down but the idea of being trapped with Ren got his blood pumping quick and shallow and his brain seemed determined to convince him he wanted to run…anywhere really.  Anywhere but here. 

“When we stop there is long chair in house.  Lie Fleance down with legs up,” said Alei, holding his hands about twenty or so centimeters apart to indicate how high Hux’s legs should be, “When he is calm and skin is normal you can help drink.  Fleance is not bleeding?” 

“I don’t think so,” said Ren, “It’s hard to tell with all the layers.  You didn’t get scratched or bitten, did you?” 

Hux shook his head.  He had been bitten, yes, but he did not think that the Gnaf’s teeth had managed to penetrate his thick boots.  Hux had been able to kick it off of him fairly easily, so it must not have latched on tight enough to do any considerable damage.  He looked at his leg in Ren’s lap.  His boot looked well mangled, but he could not feel anything like cool air seeping in through a tear or puncture.  His glance did cause Ren to look down.  Judging from the way he gasped he must not have noticed all of the teeth marks.  He became very pale and feverishly began pulling at boot laces and tugging at it.  As he did he mumbled softly, “No…no, no, no…don’t be hurt…please don’t be hurt…” 

“I’m not hurt, it’s fine,” Hux scolded.  Surely Ren would have felt it with the Force if he was in a considerable amount of pain. 

Ren worked his boot off and sighed with relief when he saw there was no blood.  He seemed visibly shaken by the idea that Hux might have been injured at it had escaped his noticed.  Hux supposed that was his own fault, blaming emotional outbursts on illnesses that Ren had not detected earlier.  He may have accidentally caused Ren to become even more protective by unintentionally indicating that he was frail and sickly.  Ren gently began working his boot back on, “I was worried I didn’t notice those other times…Nothing’s pinched or sprained?”  He looked at Alei, who had rejoined the rest of the hunting party and whispered, “Do you want me to heal it?  It might calm you down.  None of them should be able to tell what I’m doing.” 

Hux considered his options.  If he said no at this point, what good would it do?  He was not in any physical condition to fight back if the knight did not accept the answer.  And if he refused and Ren backed down, what did he gain by that?  He was still going to be cold and shocked and miserable in the back of the transport with an emotionally unstable Force-User.  It was not as if Ren was going to learn any sort of lesson by it anyways.  He needed the physical comfort.  His heart rate was far too high and his circulation was poor.  He needed to be forced to relax, just this once, and unfortunately, Ren was the only person who could assist him. 

“We’re still going to wait,” said Hux quietly, “Don’t think this is permission for everything…just this, just this one time, understand?”

“I do,” said Ren, so eagerly that Hux was convinced some, if not most of his statement had been ignored.  He slipped his hand up the leg of Hux’s trousers and almost immediately a cool, pleasant sensation began rippling through him. 

Hux felt his body go slack at the pleasant feeling, forced to slow down under Ren’s power as it was soothed and repaired.  It felt good, but Hux hated the way it made him go limp despite his efforts.  At least he was slightly more coherent than previous times, so he must have been getting a little bit used to it.  It didn’t help that Ren seemed to enjoy touching him like this.  On a scale of invasiveness it was not the worst, but Ren literally petting him was not something he was fond of.  He might never become fond of it.  It was always going to sting his pride.  He just needed to figure out a way to make it sting less. 

   ***  

Ren insisted on carrying him about like a god damned princess.  Alei’s house seemed to be a nice one.  Hux could smell some sort of forge burning nearby, meaning his shop was probably attached to the house somehow.  He supposed as a tradesman the man was probably well respected.  Upon entering the doors Hux spotted a stove and realized the lights and heat must have been coal or steam powered as well.  He could not really look about as Alei waved Kylo into a sitting room and pointed to a couch.  Ren laid him down, reverently and held onto his hand, “Feeling any better?” 

“I could have walked,” protested Hux.

A woman entered.  She was older, so Hux supposed she must have been Alei’s wife.  She looked about and started as soon as she saw ‘Rax’ and ‘Fleance,’ two strangers in her home.  She looked over at her husband and asked him something in a hushed tone, but Hux could more or less guess the meaning from the situation.  She seemed like a practical sort of woman, dressed for warmth and comfort, and from the look of the house she knew how to keep things tidy.  She listened patiently, though quizzically as Alei gave his explanation.  As he said the word ‘Wampa’ though her countenance suddenly shifted. 

“Wampa!?” she exclaimed, pointing at Hux.  She said something else, quick and incredulous before letting out another cry of, “ _Wampa_!?” 

Alei said something about Gnafs and his wife crossed the room before slapping her hand against his chest.  She chattered angrily at him, wagging her finger under his nose disapprovingly as the hunting party sniggered at their henpecked leader.  She let out a groan and moved over to Hux.  In an infinitely calmer tone, sounding much more matronly she put a hand on her chest and said, “Lana.  I Lana.” 

Hux made the same gesture, mentally scolding himself for still being a little shaky, “H…Fleance.  I’m Fleance.”  He pointed at Ren before biting back a groan and saying, “He’s Rax.” 

She smiled sweetly before turning and snapping at Levin, shaking her finger at him.  He stared, stunned for a moment before slowly moving away to do whatever he had been ordered to do.  She turned back to Hux and said something soothing in Hathan, brushing hair from his face and resting a hand on his forehead, probably checking to see if he was running a temperature.  Hux wondered briefly if she had a thermometer she could have used or not. Perhaps she did, but preferred not to use it.  She continued to soothe him and Hux found himself at an absolute loss as to what he should be doing.  Nobody had ever treated him like this before.  Ren did sometimes, but he had ulterior motives.  Lana was doing it, seemingly because she felt like it, and wasn’t asking for anything in return.  Hux had absolutely no idea what to make of it. 

Levin brought a blanket and Lana spread it over him, tucking it in before smoothing his hair back again.  She got up and gave her husband another slight scolding before moving away.  Alei gave them a sheepish, slightly defeated look and said, “I go get Wampa now…” before wandering off. 

As the others went away, probably to bring in their kills, Kylo sat in front of the couch by Hux’s head and sighed, “Nobody’s ever mothered you, huh?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” said Hux quietly, turning to face to cushion.  He supposed if he could manage to sleep a little he would be alright, but with all the stress he was under he was not sure if it would be possible. 

“It does…” whispered Kylo. 

“There was someone outside the village, one who wasn’t human,” said Hux, changing the subject, “Did you sense anything off?” 

“I wasn’t…paying attention after I sensed you in trouble,” admitted Kylo. 

Hux didn’t have the energy to scold the knight.  He didn’t have the energy to fight or protest when a large hand traced over his back.  Ren wasn’t really reading his mind anymore, not since he had become better at expulsions and realized Hux could not mentally shout at him if their minds weren’t connected.  He tried to imagine it wasn’t Ren touching him.  There was nobody he could have or wanted to imagine as a substitute, so he just pretended that it was nobody.  Just a pleasant feeling on his back that was trying to make him feel better.  If it wasn’t Ren it was alright if he accepted it, enjoyed it even.  It wasn’t giving up or giving in. 

But then, if he gave in, wouldn’t it all be easier?  If he could convince himself that he wanted this, that he liked it, then everything would be solved.  Everything would be as it needed to be.  Ren would be pacified, Hux would be obeying his orders, and it would no longer be rape if he could convince himself that he really, truly wanted this.  If he could pretend the last few months never happened, that this was a passing curiosity he wanted to satisfy, then it would be alright.  He would be alright.  If he willed himself to think that this was the exact opposite of what it was, he could survive it. 

He tried, but he couldn’t.  The truth of the matter kept ringing unwelcomely in his aching ears. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you, I just thought it would be a good memory for you,” said Ren quietly, “I keep forgetting you’re more fragile than you act.” 

“I’ll be fine when we get to the Finalizer,” Hux whispered back. 

He felt the couch sinking in slightly and tensed as Ren lay beside him.  He whispered softly about how he was just ‘keeping him warm’ and rubbed up and down his arm soothingly.  Hux felt a single, chaste kiss press against his neck and that was the end of it.  For now.  He thought back to the shuttle and knew very soon it would get worse, much worse.  He thought about how horrible everything had felt and the terrible confusion when his body so eagerly responded to everything that was done to it.  He knew he was going to be brought to orgasm again, Ren likely wouldn’t stop unless he did.  It would be just like the Helden again but so much worse. 

“Just go to sleep.  You’ll feel better after a little sleep,” said Ren. 

That was what he was trying to do but Ren was making it worse.  He sighed heavily as he felt the knight pat his hair.  The knight’s hand settled over his temple and Hux suddenly became aware of what was happening.  He pushed at the couch with as much force as his exhausted body would allow and managed to gasp out, “No, don-”

Kylo watched with fascination as Hux’s body went perfectly limp beside him.  Now that he was asleep he could get better.  He had just needed a little help getting there.  He nuzzled into Hux’s nape and snaked his arms around the slighter man’s middle.  He was safe now, nothing would hurt him.  He kissed his General’s cheek as he slept peacefully.  He wished he could spend every night like this, with Hux calm and contented in his arms.  They could be like that soon.  When this mission was over and Hux was his, he would help the General see what he had been denying himself and how good it could be.  He was determined to make it good.  He had made so many mistakes, even made his little doll cry without meaning to.  He would make it up to him and together they could make things better. 

“Goodnight,” Kylo whispered softly, nuzzling against Hux’s black hair and closing his eyes. 


	34. But the minutes fly, the years role by, for a father and his son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...TLJ made this fic a hell of a lot more bleak, didn't it? 
> 
> Back in the day when this was actually canon-compliant and we didn't even know Hux's real name, I was planning on ending this fic where TFA started and then doing an epilogue in the events that followed. If I do that now though and take TLJ into account, I'm not sure I'll be able to go in the direction I wanted. 
> 
> Of course, I could just say, 'screw it, its fanfic' and write my original ending if and when I get to it...

Kylo was fairly certain that he hadn’t slept while he was pressed against Hux.  He rested, his mind wandered, but he was not sure if he had slept at all or not.  He listened to the sounds outside, the talk in Hathan language, metal scraping metal, blades cutting into meat and taking in all the emotions they felt.  Kylo preferred this.  On the Finalizer, with so many people milling about all of the thoughts and emotions were overwhelming, like sitting next to a wasp’s nest and hearing nothing but buzzing for days on end.  With this small town though, it was more ambient, more peaceful, like listening to little birds outside his window.

He pressed closer to Hux, trying to keep him warm.  It was also the ideal position to take in his scent and run his hand over him.  It was probably an odd thing to think, but Kylo liked watching Hux sleep.  When he was awake he always seemed as if he was under an incredible amount of stress.  When he slept though, he was relaxed and sweet, his lips parted slightly, breathing deeply and evenly, oblivious to the world around him.  Kylo loved to hold him and touch him when he was like this.  Limp and receptive.  If Hux could manage this when he was awake it would have been perfect. 

Right now things were almost perfect.  There was the mission, and Kylo knew he had to follow through with it.  He had his master, and he would never abandon or disobey him, but just for a moment Kylo allowed himself to enjoy this.  In this room, this home, it was the two of them sharing each other’s warmth, at peace with each other.  Kylo wondered what it would be like.  With no obligations or missions or wars to fight.  If he and Hux could have a small house together on a quiet little planet.  Somewhere green with lots of trees, and an ocean so Hux could finally see one up close.  Waking up to Hux lying in his arms every morning, giving him sweet ‘good morning’ kisses.  Spending entire days working on their little house.  Hux seemed like he would be good at running a home, planning out a little garden, making sure things were neat and orderly.  Kylo was sure he would love it. 

Perhaps it could be possible.  When the First Order had conquered the Galaxy, when Kylo had become Darth Vader’s equal, when everything was over, perhaps they could have that.  Kylo doubted he would ever cut himself off from his master, he would never want to, but perhaps between missions, instead of being stationed on a battle ship, he could live with Hux.  It would be perfect.  It would be like having a real family. 

Kylo held Hux tightly against him.  He wondered if it could ever happen.  In the past his master had allowed him to have all kinds of things if he did well with his training or missions.  He even let him have Hux.  Kylo had been nervous to approach him.  He had been transparent about his desires from the beginning.  When he started having dreams and fantasies, he told his master about them.  It must not have been a shock when Kylo asked if he could pursue Hux, but he expected to be refused because of Hux’s rank.  He had been ecstatic when his master told him he could have Hux.  It took a long time before he gathered the courage to stop the General, try to talk to him, and perhaps he had gotten a little rough, but his master had helped remind him not to harm the General. 

It was not such a hard thing to ask.  It was possible that it might not be feasible at the moment.  Kylo needed to be able to move across the Galaxy at any instant and being backed up by an army was something only an idiot would refuse when fighting a war.  It made sense to stay on the Finalizer.  But when all the heavy fighting was done, when his training was complete, why shouldn’t he stay in a little house with his Hux? 

“I’d keep you there forever,” Kylo whispered to himself, stroking Hux’s hair.  He was almost used to it being black, but in a day or so it would be red again.  Kylo couldn’t wait to run his fingers through it and play with the ginger tresses.  He felt so happy imagining it.  The two of them together in their little house, Hux finally at peace after bringing order back to the Galaxy, free of all his restrictions, always eager for when Kylo returned from his missions.  He imagined kissing his one-time General breathless, carrying him over their threshold and laying him down on their bed. 

“Fleance is well?” asked Alei. 

Kylo looked over his shoulder to see the old blacksmith standing in the doorway.  He pointed somewhere down the hall, “Upstairs is room.  You can lie in bed.  No need to be squishing.” 

Kylo kissed Hux before pulling away from him begrudgingly, “Is it safe to move him?” 

“Should be no trouble,” replied the other man, “Danger is passed, I think.  He sleeps for a long time?” 

“I can wake him up if we need to,” assured Kylo.  He knelt by the couch and wrapped the blanket around Hux.  He didn’t have to worry about his touches waking Hux up this time, but he still tried to be careful as he picked the General up, carrying him like a little bride.  Hux probably wouldn’t want to get married until the fighting was over, but perhaps one day he would want to get married.  Kylo would have liked it if he did. 

“Still can’t believe…little Fleance kill all those Gnaf.  And Wampa!” exclaimed Alei with a slight laugh, “Would be good bounty hunter if he was not so clumsy.” 

“He’s pretty tough,” Kylo agreed, kissing Hux’s lips as he slept, “And he has me. I won’t let anything bad happen to him.” 

“He is very lucky to have Rax to protect him,” agreed Alei, gesturing down the hall, “Can stay upstairs.  Is Alei’s boy’s room.” 

Kylo started slightly at that.  He had not been probing too deeply, only taking in surface thoughts when they presented themselves, but he had not heard anything about a son.  Then again, he had also been concerned with Hux and if he had been injured or not.  He dug a little deeper this time though, trying to figure out the man’s relationship with his son.  Sadness, loneliness, they were distant.  They hadn’t spoken for years.  Kylo felt multiple feelings, none of them particularly positive ones coming back to him. 

He was let up the stairs to the bedroom and found it strangely well-kept for a place where someone must not have lived for years.  It had been dusted regularly with clean linens on the bed, ready for someone who might need it.  Kylo wondered if they used it as a guest room from time to time since it was kept so clean.  He looked about at the bookshelves.  The boy, whoever he was, must have been quite the bookworm.  Kylo ignored the room for the time being and laid Hux out on the bed.  He wanted to press in close, touch him, explore him, but Alei was still in the room behind him.  He didn’t want to do anything too intimate with Hux with someone else nearby.  A little touching and kissing was fine, but Kylo wanted a little more than that right now. 

“He went away.  Wanted to go to big school in city,” said Alei, looking about the room, emitting bitter-sweet emotions as he remembered times when his son was young.  They turned to sadness as he added, “Have not heard from him for years.  Only one letter.  Say he was going away and we should not look.  We try looking anyways.  Take trip to city every year.” 

Kylo wondered at that.  This father had lost his son, the boy could be dead or worse from the way he described it, but the man was still looking.  He hadn’t run away or given up, and he wasn’t passively waiting for his son to come back home.  He was still looking.  He was staying steadfast.  He didn’t know what to say about that, or even what to think of it.

“Maybe he will come back.  Remember family.  Children always come back to fathers,” said the man. 

“Did he say why he left?” asked Kylo, ignoring the comment, “Where he was going?” 

“ _Neit_ , only we should not look,” replied Alei quietly. 

Kylo wanted to say that sometimes sons had their reasons for running away.  It wasn’t to say that he would have still been living with his family if they had paid attention to him, it was likely they still would have disapproved of the path he had chosen, but things might have been better.  One thing was certain though, when he left they let him go.  They didn’t fight, never tried looking for him, they just let it happen.  He wondered if they thought he was even worth looking for.  This was the sort of family he had always thought would be perfect.  Parents who never gave up on their son, who thought of him, who kept a room waiting for the day he returned. 

“We think of moving to city, better for looking, but it be difficult to go so far.  And if he remember, this is where he will come back.  Want to be waiting for him,” said Alei firmly. 

Kylo found it hard to believe that this son had not come home, or at least tried to talk.  These parents were clearly desperate for any news they could get with regards to their son.  If Kylo was in his position he would have at least sent a message saying where he had gone.  When he had been training as a Jedi he sent _her_ messages frequently.  Sometimes they called each other with holos.  He’d wanted so badly for her to tell him that he could come home.  Training as a Jedi always left him feeling so cold, almost scared.  He wanted so badly for her to say it was alright if he wanted to come back.  She never did.  It was like she had been content to be rid of him.  Who could blame her?  What was she getting rid of?  The strange boy who all the other children said looked like a bully?  The boy who accidentally broke things when he lost his temper?  The boy who clung to her so much that he distracted her from her precious work? 

“Did you fight?” Kylo asked. 

Alei frowned at that.  He didn’t answer but Kylo could sense his thoughts.  The man had been worried about his son going out to make his way in a world that he knew nothing about.  How could someone forge their own path, provide for themselves by going to school?  Wasn’t having a trade better?  Didn’t he want to stay?  He saw flashes of memories.  A son furious with his father for not understanding how the rest of the Galaxy worked and how stifling this small, backwards town was.  A father exasperated, having been successful all his life doing all the things his son was calling primitive and backwards and not comprehending why his son was so determined to change what was clearly working.  It had not been their final conversation.  They had spoken a few more times afterwards, but feelings had still been sore before the boy disappeared. 

“My father and I fought too…he never bothered to look though,” said Kylo. 

It was not as if he had ever been terribly inconspicuous.  Ben Solo mysteriously disappearing and Kylo Ren appearing a short time afterwards?  His mother must have felt it, and his father, with all his boasting about his smuggling abilities, could have found him if they really wanted to.  They could have come for him.  It had been years since he had left and he hadn’t seen or heard about either of them trying to bring him back, let alone contact him... 

“You sure he is not looking?  Maybe he is waiting for Rax to give sign,” asked Alei quietly. 

“He knows where I am…he just…doesn’t,” Kylo tried to explain.  He felt his anger and sadness building at the thought, “I don’t know what I’d have done if he came for me years ago…” 

“And now?  If he finds you now?” asked Alei. 

A few notions had crossed Kylo’s mind.  At any rate he wanted the man to know and feel all of the pain and loneliness he had been forced to endure.  All the feelings of inadequacy, uncertainty, the sadness.  He wanted the man to suffer.  He wanted everyone to suffer and see exactly what they had done to him.  Then they would be sorry.  They would all finally be sorry for hurting him. 

He glanced over at the bed where Hux slept, oblivious to the conversation, “I have Fleance now…I don’t need him.” 

He sat down next to the General and touched his hair, “I want to do things right with him.  I was always told how great my parents were but none of it was true.  I’m going to make a better family with him, better than they ever were.” 

“Best revenge is being happy when enemy tries to make sad,” conceded Alei before looking over the room, “I hope Berrim not think Alei enemy.  Especially not Lana…” 

Kylo shook his head, “No, you’re different.  You tried so hard, I can feel it.” 

Alei smiled and shrugged slightly, “He say that too, many times, ‘I can feel it.’  Read many books but rely on gut for making the decisions.  Just like his father.” 

“I mean it…I wish mine had tried half as hard as you do,” admitted Kylo. 

“Maybe he does try,” said Alei. 

“He doesn’t.” 

“Rax doesn’t know-”

“He doesn’t try!  He never did before, why should now be different!?  After all those times he ran away and abandoned me, why come back now!?” 

The furniture shook as he shouted.  Alei looked around the room, stunned as he saw objects rattle back and forth before going still.  Kylo inhaled sharply as the man’s eyes went wide and his thoughts indicated he understood exactly what he had witnessed.  Something that had happened once and a while when his son was angry… 

Kylo crossed the room quickly and gripped the side of the man’s face before he could react, “You will forget I used the Force.” 

Alei’s body went strangely pliant and his eyes went blank, “I will forget you used the Force.” 

“You will…” Kylo began before fixing his concentration, “You will embrace me.” 

“I will embrace you,” the man repeated.

He moved forward and wrapped his arms around Kylo.  Kylo put his arms around the other man in turn.  It was strong and kind, the way a father was supposed to hug his son.  He buried his face against Alei’s neck and held on tightly.  He had wanted this for such a long time, to have his father hold him one last time, to say a proper goodbye and have some damned closure.  Just to have the man show he cared about him… 

Kylo let go and released the man’s mind.  It was everything that he wanted but it felt…wrong.  Instead of warm it left him feeling cold.  The gesture was an empty one.  Kylo might have gotten the same sensations if he had held a stuffed toy or been playing with a puppet.  Alei looked about for a moment, looked about to say something was a bit strange, but said nothing.  Instead he shrugged, smiling, and having no memory of what just happened, suggested “Fleance will be needing a little rest.  Has Rax ever gut Wampa?” 

“No,” said Kylo, still slightly shaken. 

The man smiled, gentle and paternal, “Would Rax like to learn?  Can teach.  Taught Berim before he goes away.” 

Kylo smiled back slightly at that, “I’m not a quick learner, but I can try.” 

   *** 

Hux woke up in an unfamiliar room to the smell of something being cooked.  It was not something he smelled terribly often.  His strongest memories of the smell was of learning how to cook in the Academy.  It was all to do with basic survival and had absolutely nothing to do with culinary arts, but Hux couldn’t help thinking about it whenever he smelled meat either being roasted or fried.  He looked around the room and found there were plenty of books around, some of them even in standard language.  From what he could gather most of them were nonfiction, and having to do with off-world technologies.  Whoever lived in this room must have been trying to learn about more advanced engineering than this town’s mostly steam-based technology. 

He hugged his arms to himself when he got out of the bed.  The air was cold here, and he found himself feeling desperate to sit beside a stove or fireplace so he could get warm more quickly.  He wondered where he was.  Ren would be close by, no doubt.  He considered, for a moment, going back to the bed and trying to keep himself warm with just the blankets and his own body heat so he could stay far away from the knight for as long as possible.  It was cold though, and the knight would come for him eventually.  Why should he make himself miserable with the anticipation? 

Stepping out of bed and moving towards the door, Hux heaved a sigh.  Peering outside, he found himself on the upper floor of what seemed to be a house.  Instead of the long hall with many rooms like the inn, this place only had a few rooms and seemed smaller.   The stairs were as precarious as ever though, and he cautiously descended.  The smell of cooking became overwhelmingly strong, but on the bright side, instead of making him feel sick, it actually make him feel a little hungry.  His stomach must have been adjusting, at least a little, to the change in diet and becoming receptive to the idea of food that wasn’t vacuum sealed. 

He looked about and saw a kitchen where the lady of the house, Lana, was busy preparing meat.  Some for cooking, most for preservation.  She turned and spotted him, trying to shoo him away from her work space and returning to that odd habit of brushing hair from his face and touching his forehead.  Hux pretended not to understand.  He didn’t want to be alone and vulnerable when Kylo came for him.  If he was at least allowed to stand in the kitchen it would be better than waiting about alone for the knight to come and bother him again. 

Lana looked up at him and sighed, showing him a small, metal mallet.  She pounded a slice of meat with it, tenderizing it, before passing him the mallet and pointing to a small pile of cutlets.  Hux nodded and started working.  He supposed this ought to have stung his pride; General Hux, hiding from his co-commander and taking orders from a housewife.  This helped though.  He needed to feel secure and he needed something to do, and this provided him with both. 

His experience with cooking up until then had everything to do with survival.  All he ever needed to learn was how to prepare food that wouldn’t kill himself or his platoon by accident.  Lana seemed to have different ideas, using spices for more than just preservation and arranging things in an order that didn’t have anything to do with the practicality of storage.  Hux watched, slightly curious as he continued to pound the meat with the mallet until that was taken from him.  Next he was shooed over to a pot and given a knife.  Lana gestured to a pile of some sort of brown root vegetable.  She peeled one, then cut it into large pieces before dropping them in the pot.  Hux nodded and started peeling.  It was better than doing nothing. 

“Hey.” 

Hux looked over his shoulder, spotted Ren and looked back down immediately, “I’m busy.” 

“I can see that.  I didn’t know you could cook,” mused Ren, “We finished gutting and cleaning the meat.  I was actually pretty good at it.” 

Hux wished he could have been more surprised that Kylo Ren had a talent for chopping up corpses.  He could hear that the knight wasn’t moving, watching him, lingering in the doorway, “About the mission.  We should go in the morning.  It’s not safe to be on a mountain in the dark.” 

It was probably the first sensible thing Ren had said during the entire trip.  Hux nodded and resumed cutting the vegetables.  He wondered if he could do it.  If Ren embraced him and he started screaming, would anyone try to stop him?  Probably not.  Ren could knock him unconscious again, claim it was stress or something else.  Everyone here seemed to believe he was frail and clumsy, or otherwise a magnet for trouble. 

Ren entered the kitchen and settled his arms around Hux’s waist, “What’re you making?” 

“Whatever this is,” said Hux, holding up one of the vegetables. 

He felt Ren press his lips to the back of his neck, “Smells go-”

He was interrupted by Lana, who to Hux’s eternal gratitude shooed him away.  She handed Ren a knife and pointed at Hux, then gestured to the pot.  Apparently she wanted Ren on vegetable detail as well. 

Hux half expected Ren to put the knife down and take hold of him again in a huff.  To Hux’s surprise, the knight actually complied, grinning softly as he began peeling the vegetables.  He looked over at Hux, “I can cook too, you know.” 

“Can you now,” said Hux noncommittally. 

“Yeah, when I was little I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with…with someone I was close to at the time,” said Ren. 

“Your mother?” guessed Hux. 

He nodded quietly before continuing, “When she made sweets I was allowed to lick the spoons.” 

“It sounds unsanitary,” said Hux. 

“Not really.  You lick them after the cooking is done, and only with things like frosting or cookie dough that doesn’t use eggs,” explained Ren, dropping a handful of vegetables into the pot.  He was quicker at it than Hux was, either because of his dexterity or prior experience.  He smiled slightly, “I should do that for you when we go back.  Make you some sweets.  You didn’t get to have a cake on your birthday, so I’ll make one for you later.” 

Ren leaned over and kissed his cheek, “You seem sad…what’s wrong?” 

“Kylo, I’m not ready,” pleaded Hux. 

The knight nodded, as if trying to display his understanding, “It’s okay, I was scared too.  But it’s really not as scary as it seems.  When you do it right it doesn’t hurt at all.” 

He dropped more vegetables in the pot and Hux glared at the one in his hand.  He wasn’t childish enough to think this was a contest, but with Ren close to him like this he could keep his hands adequately still so he could keep up.  Ren looked at him, sickeningly pitying, “My first…I just wanted to do it.  I wanted to prove I was my own person, and that I was grown up…that I didn’t need the people I’d left behind.  I went to a cantina, and I had funds that I get for certain missions.”  He paused for a moment, “There was this girl…I just wanted to do this so badly I barely cared who it was with.  She was…pretty, I guess.  Not like you.  She looked like the sort of women who your soldiers keep pictures of at the bottom of their boot lockers, and I don't mean wives or daughters.  I thought, this is it, I’m going to go through with it.” 

He dropped another handful into the pot and started on another vegetable, “We went to a back room and I…I didn’t know I didn’t like girls.  Nobody ever told me there were other ways, they just assumed I liked girls so I did too.  I just assumed when I saw a real girl like that, something would kick in and I would turn out to be normal all along…but I didn’t.  She did…things to get me hard and it…we did it eventually but she just kept…looking at me.  She was annoyed, she looked down on me.  Her, of all people, looking down on _me_.  It was…it was awful.  I didn’t think I’d ever have sex again after that.”

“Then why did you?” asked Hux. 

Ren looked down at him in confusion and Hux elaborated, “Why not just leave it at that if you hated it so much?” 

Ren pursed his lips, biting slightly before he answered, “My master said it was beneficial.” 

Hux’s eyes widened as Ren explained, “I was young and…urges were clouding my mind.  And the experience was one I could draw on to make me angry, and more powerful.  I was scared to do it again, I didn’t want to at first.  I begged, and I think I even cried a little but…he pushed me and it was worth it.  I found things I liked, people I liked, and it eventually brought me to you so…I’m grateful for it.” 

A surge of something swelled in Hux’s chest.  Ren had been in the exact same position he was right now.  Ren, young, alone, not wanting to be pushed, not wanting to repeat something that he had hated so much, but he had been forced to.  Now, as a disturbed, terrifying adult, he thought it was a normal way to explore sex.  Hux had little to no experience with sex, but he had read enough to recognize when sex was being used as a means for control.  Snoke had taken Kylo’s autonomy, and now the knight of Ren was taking his in turn.  As a loving gesture.  As a sort of remedy that would taste awful but was meant to be good for him. 

“See, you just have to push through until you find what you like, then it’ll be good,” explained Ren, nuzzling against Hux’s neck, "I'll help you do it.  I'll be right here with you.  And when you see how good it is, you'll stop being scared."  

“Fleance?” 

Hux’s breath hitched as he turned around.  He knew he must have been a sight.  Ren’s speech and the implications of it had put him on edge.  Eyes shining with liquid fear and his skin deathly pale.  Lana stared up at him and placed a hand to his forehead, her eyes furrowing as she looked him over.  She asked something in Hathan language that Hux didn’t understand.  In the end she gave up and called for her husband. 

Alei stomped into the room, his boots sounding out loudly on the floor, “Fleance is sick?” 

“Just a spell,” said Hux, trying to control his hands, “I’m fine.” 

He felt Ren putting an arm around him, “Still shaking.  He’ll be okay once he eats.” 

He didn’t want to eat, he wanted to leave.  Hux briefly considered taking the shuttle and leaving Ren in the settlement.  He knew it was foolish.  Eventually he would be found out and caught once the Supreme Leader realized what he had done.  Hux estimated if he left that night, he might have a few weeks at most before someone managed to track him down.  The Order had many spies, and the most powerful Force-Users in the galaxy, making it impossible to disappear.  And then what?   A court martial for desertion?  Humiliation?  Being branded a coward and a traitor for the rest of his life for committing the horrible crime of trying to escape a man intent on… 

He refused to believe that could be his end; dying as some wretched outcast.  He had been born into the First Order.  He had been bred to serve it unfailingly.  He had sworn to himself that he would restore order to the Galaxy.  How could he do that if he fled now?  Leaving the Order would be more than leaving a job, or respect, or prestige.  He would be forsaking his past and his future.  He would be leaving everything he knew and believed in.  And for what?

Kylo Fucking Ren. 

Hux refused to let Ren take this from him.  The man could have his time, his resources, his cooperation, even his body, but Hux refused to let him take his home, his comrades, his goals or his ambitions.  He refused to allow Ren to touch them.  He tried to make it sound right in his mind; that his body was a fair trade for all the other things he held so dear.  It was just his body, he wasn’t being asked to die… 

“I’m fine…” Hux repeated, steadying the knife to continue with cutting, “See, I’m fine…” 


	35. Here's a Health

Hux had to force himself to eat again.  Whatever Lana had put on the meat was disagreeing with him terribly.  It was far too strong, too much of everything his usual diet was lacking.  He appreciated the gesture of using the best spices for guests, but Hux simply couldn’t stomach them.  He was used to depriving himself of Republican-style excesses, so when he encountered things like sweets and spices, they just made him feel sick.  The vegetables were fine though, much milder, boiled with a little butter and salt.  Those were much easier for his stomach and tongue to handle. 

Most of the conversation was in Hathan language, quick and with little to no context so Hux couldn’t quite understand what was being said.  Everyone seemed so…happy though.  Not just rowdy and excited but…smiling.  It was something else that Hux wasn’t accustomed to.  While the First Order didn’t discourage happiness, there weren’t many times when Hux walked into a room and could see joy on everyone’s faces.  Why shouldn’t they be happy?  Their meat stores were topped up, they had a little adventure, visitors from far away, Hux supposed those were things he might be happy about if he were in this situation. 

Hux never gave any thought to life outside the Order.  Frankly, he assumed if he didn’t die in battle, he would remain in the military for the rest of his life.  If he retired, which was unlikely, he supposed, despite her being on the opposite side of the conflict, he might be like General Organa; finding another way to remain active within the government and with fighting.  As much as he disliked the New Republic, Hux couldn’t help but admire the woman.  He wasn’t blind to talent just because the person who had it wasn’t on his side. 

Ren seemed happy as well, and it made Hux wonder if this was what his life had been like before.  Ren had come from a family unit, so he might have been used to meals like this; rowdy ones with chairs crammed in around a too-small table.  He seemed comfortable with the set up, so perhaps that was exactly the case.  But if it was the case, how could he have turned out this way?  Hux was used to hearing people claim a brutal or neglectful upbringing lead to children growing up to be like Ren.  How could someone with a proper family turn out this way?  Had Ren been neglected?  He hadn’t said anything about abuse. 

Hux figured he was best sticking with his original hypothesis.  Ren’s father, or father figure, was often absent, and there was someone in his life who he failed to protect and was trying to make up for it.  Hux didn’t feel sorry for Ren, after all he had done, and was going to do, it was impossible.  There was something though, the same pity Hux assumed other people thought when they saw dogs in gutters, one that came already blended with fear and disgust.  One didn’t take in a vicious dog, or let one’s guard down around it, but Hux could recognized that someone had failed Ren terrible and something had turned him into the being sitting next to him…

…and he would be the one who paid the price for whatever had been done to Ren.  Hux wondered who or what would pay for what was going to be done to him, because if the Supreme Leader had his way, it wouldn’t be Kylo fucking Ren. 

“You…too thin,” Lana struggled to say.  He reached over and dumped a large spoonful of vegetables onto Hux’s plate, “Eat.” 

“Might make you a bit less faint,” said Kylo quietly, “And we’ll have something to do tonight.” 

“Something?” asked Alei. 

“We’re going to leave.  It’s been nice, very nice, but we should probably be on our way,” said Kylo. 

“Rax will be missed,” said the man with a laugh.  He nodded at Hux, “And everyone will think Alei is crazy.  Nobody believe little Fleance kills Wampa…” 

“No, I don’t expect they will,” said Hux, brushing his black bangs away from his eyes.  As loathe as he was to admit, Ren was right.  He needed to eat more.  The stress and anxiety over what was going to happen to him caused him to neglect his already scant appetite.  He had a mission, he couldn’t afford to collapse, so he needed food.  He ate an orange one, he found he liked the taste a little better than the others. 

Hux wondered at Ren’s ability to be so ignorant of the strain he was putting on his mind.  For an empathy, the man was dense as a brick.  No sane person could have possibly come this far without realizing the pain they were inflicting.  Was Ren sane?  Hux found himself wondering about that.  If anything this mission had given him the opportunity to study the knight and his behaviour extensively.  In his own mind, Ren didn’t seem to think that he was doing anything wrong, but a sense of entitlement didn’t indicate much of anything beyond selfishness.  He was delusional, and completely ignorant of the fact that he was causing someone else pain, and yet he was fully capable of being manipulative.  He understood the feelings of others, so long as it served his purposes. 

Hux had heard of illnesses of the mind like that.  Sometimes it was mild, almost to the point of being undetectable to onlookers.  A person might come off as awkward due to an inability to read people’s emotions, or avoid eye contact because it made them anxious.  In more extreme forms, a person could be volatile, but Hux had never heard of any of them matching Ren’s extremes.  For someone with mental illness to be violent was rare, rarer still for them to be murderers, and oftentimes those extreme cases were coupled with abuse and neglect of early warnings like fire starting and torturing animals… 

That gave Hux some pause.  He had pegged Ren as a delusional sociopath, but was there something more?  Had someone hurt Ren, damaged him so badly that things that ought to have been manageable and treatable had turned him into this.  It certainly didn’t excuse the knight of anything, but if Ren could be helped, if he could be healed of whatever he had suffered through, he might stop.  Hux didn’t care if Ren lived happily ever after or gained peace for himself, he just wanted the knight to stop.  If identifying the source of Ren’s pain and fixing it made him stop, Hux would do it.  Multiple times over if needs be. 

“Can we talk after…?” Hux asked quietly. 

Ren nodded, covering his mouth to keep food from spilling out.  He replied with his mouth half-full, “Sure.  Anything you want.” 

He didn’t mean that, which was a pity. 

  *** 

Hux felt he would miss Alei and Lana.  It occurred to him, as he turned to see them waving from the doorway of their home, that it had been the first time he’d had a home cooked meal.  Everything before that had been prepared by a kitchen worker.  It had also been the first time he’d helped cook anything that wasn’t part of a survival class.  It hadn’t been so bad, under different circumstances he might have enjoyed it.  If he had the chance, he might even like to learn more about cooking. 

The streets were dark, much like when he and Ren had first arrived on the planet.  The stars were bright.  Hux thought he might be able to identify various systems, everything was so clear.  It was cold as well.  Ren had already taken the unwelcome liberty of pulling him close for warmth.  Hux spoke quietly, “You seemed to enjoy that…do you miss your family?” 

“Not really,” said Ren.  It was a negative response, but not a very committed one. 

“You just seemed…comfortable,” noted Hux. 

“Sometimes it’s nice not having people be afraid of me, just being myself,” replied the knight. 

There was no easy way to broach the topic.  No questions seemed to encompass everything Hux wanted to know.  There was also likely to be no way for Ren to be able to identify what Hux wanted to know.  He’d never been given medicine for anything, he considered his torturing animals a misunderstanding, he might not be able to answer any of Hux’s questions. 

He had to take the plunge though.  Hux asked, “Ren- Kylo…who hurt your mother?” 

It was a stab in the dark, but it seemed to hit its mark dead center.  Ren stopped and looked down at him, “How…How did you know?” 

“Please, just answer the question.  Who hurt your mother?” asked Hux. 

Ren squeezed Hux in closer as he continued to walk at a quick pace, as if trying to outpace his feelings, “It…he left.  He just left and…sometimes we got messages but…he didn’t come back.”  Ren paused before he could manage to continue, “When I first started sensing people’s feelings, all I could feel was how lonely she was.  How deeply she was hurting.  It made me angry, I wanted to make it stop but…I…I couldn’t.  I tried, but I just couldn’t…she wanted him.  It was…” 

Ren rubbed at his face.  Was he crying?  Hux was curious as to why exactly the other man was crying.  For himself?  Because the memory hurt?  Ren finished, “I tried so hard to be a good son for her, but I kept…I was never enough.”  

“And you?  Did he hurt you too?” asked Hux. 

“He never hit me, if that’s what you mean,” said Kylo.  He sounded almost regretful as he added, “If he had hit me it might have been easier to make people see how awful he was.  He was…smooth with people, and good at lying.  He would make promises he knew he couldn’t keep.  He knew what to say to make people happy and like him, but he was all talk.  They would fight a lot.” 

An absentee father was hardly enough to drive someone to collect ashes of their murder victims to offer to a dead sith lord.   That couldn’t be all there was to it.  There had to be something to twist Ren, really make him a monster.  Ren continued, sounding baffled, “But…she liked when they fought, and when he lied.  I didn’t though.  I just wanted them to stay, to like me…I hated living with them.  I would get angry and…” Ren trailed off, “I got angry too often for them.  They didn’t want to deal with it anymore.  They sent me away.” 

It still didn’t seem like enough to push someone over the edge.  His father’s training regimen bred murderers.  It encouraged detachment and entitlement to make killing easier.  Hux understood exactly how to create a monster.  There was still something missing.  The pieces were in place to make an unstable individual, but there was no stresser.  Nothing that would make someone snap and go out of their way to kill and hurt.  With an unhappy childhood, all he ought to have become was a simpering brat who was desperate for approval. 

“But you’re different,” said Ren, giving Hux a fond squeeze as he forced his pace to slow, “You…You’re trying to understand.  You don’t yell or blame me.  It means a lot…” 

It was a strange convergence that the two of them would meet.  Hux wondered at how he, who managed to neatly fit every aspect of Kylo’s ideal match had been selected as his co-commander.  Had it been planned from the start?  Hux didn’t want to think the Supreme Leader would be so cruel.  Would this had happened if he had been a private or lieutenant?  No…the Supreme Leader wouldn’t have planned this from the beginning of Hux’s career.  If he had, Hux would have never made it to General.  It would have been far easier to give Ren a private or petty officer to debase than a General.  Was it all just coincidence? 

In the meantime, it seemed nothing in Ren’s childhood had turned him into a monster.  None of it was enough.  People with mental illnesses could be neglected or bullied and manage not to turn into maniacs.  So what happened to Ren?  Was it his training?  What did Force training entail?  Had something been done to him during his training to make him finally break? 

Everything just seemed to pile on and make Ren’s situation worse and worse.  It was starting to become clear to Hux that Ren’s mental state was entirely avoidable.  If he hadn’t been neglected, his parents could have curbed his behaviour and treated any issues he might have had.  If he hadn’t underwent training, both from the Jedi and from the Supreme Leader, Ren’s childhood troubles wouldn’t have been exasperated.  If he hadn’t grown up to be so strong, so violent that nobody could tell him ‘no’ without fearing for their lives, then he might not have become so entitled. 

It seemed as if Ren, and by extension Hux, had never stood a fighting chance. 

“I think…I think you’re the first person who’s tried this hard,” said Ren. 

It was cold and quiet, too cold for insects.  There was distant noise filtering out from houses and restaurants.  The lights also seemed strange.  Hux wasn’t used to natural lights at all.  He saw stars through viewports, but streetlamps were a novelty.  They flickered, and the shadows they cast actually moved about.  It was strange to see them play over Ren’s features as he closed in. 

Hux knew what was coming, and he wasn’t interested in struggling or running.  It was pointless, there was nowhere to go and nobody who would believe him if he asked for help.  Ren would only get angry with him if he said no. 

He tried to pretend nothing had happened between them up until this point.  If he didn’t think about everything before this moment, it was surprisingly tender.  He tried imagining it.  Ren hadn’t done anything, Hux just happened to figure out that he had been warped into becoming the way he was…and Ren was grateful someone cared.  He felt large hands on his waist and across his shoulders, pulling him in closer. 

By far, it was the most pleasant out of all their kisses.  Ren wasn’t trying to ram his tongue past Hux’s teeth, to start with.  It was soft, slow, careful, and warm.  With the planet being so cold, Hux found himself pressing in closer just to steal the warmth.  He tried to forget, just pretend everything was alright and enjoy what he experiencing in the moment.  Nothing before it, nothing beyond it, just the good feelings and pretend he had said yes to this. 

Ren pulled back and asked, “Was that one better?” 

It had been less invasive, so Hux gave a hesitant nod.  If he couldn’t stop Ren from kissing him, he might as well try to keep the discomfort to a minimum. 

“Okay,” said Ren, smiling slightly, “I’ll try to do it more like that from now on.” 

Hux nodded again, “I’d like to get out of the cold…” 

Ren pulled him in close, “Alright, I’ll take you home…” 

   ***  

Hux was surprised he didn’t see Masha.  Her brother gave them a half-terrified look, probably worried over the prospect of communicating without his sister to translate.  He spoke stiffly, awkwardly, and despite not being fluent, Hux could tell by his choppy sentences that the man was speaking as simply and slowly as he could.  Between his datapad and his minimal knowledge of Hathan language, Hux explained that he and ‘Rax’ would be checking out the next day, very early, and wanted to settle the bill before they went to bed.  The man hesitated, but conceded, probably just happy to get as far as he did without proper translation. 

Ren trailed behind him as he went upstairs, and Hux immediately took a change of clothes into the shower area with him.  He didn’t think he needed one, but he wanted an excuse to claim some privacy.  He had second thoughts about the kiss, but Hux couldn’t imagine what he might have done differently.  Everything that crossed his mind seemed redundant and useless.  He’d tried fighting, he’d tried reasoning and he’d tried begging.  There was nothing else left to try.  Without help or Ren being removed from the situation, it wasn’t going to stop.  He couldn’t get away, so all that was left was to make it less awful. 

He knew giving in would only encourage it, that Ren would take compliance as permission, but there was nothing left.  Hux felt…he felt tired, like treading water during training.  There was nowhere to go, nothing to do, just trying to keep his head above water until he was told it was alright to stop.  It had been a test of endurance, and with no end in sight, there was nothing left but to slip below the surface and hope it wouldn’t hurt. 

Tomorrow morning they would eliminate the Jedi.  In the evening, Ren would have him.  Hux knew he just had to accept it.  He was so exhausted that it felt easy to think about giving in.  Earlier that day it felt so terrifying to let go that he was shaking and on the verge of tears.  Now he was so tired that he just wanted it to be behind him.  He wanted the whole thing to be over. 

He emerged from the shower, fully dressed and with the belt around his middle.  He might be giving in, but he still wanted ample warning, time to mentally prepare, and didn’t want Ren thinking that he was allowed to proceed ahead of schedule.  He found the knight fiddling with the heater, warming his hands and adjusting the vents.  Hux wondered if tonight he might leave the vents open tonight.  He was tired of waking up to the cold room and would be happy when he returned to the Finalizer with its climate control. 

Noticing Ren’s eyes on him and the heater, the knight stammered, “I’m not sure why it keeps closing.  It s-seems okay to me.” 

Hux gave another nod and sat down on the bed.  He couldn’t believe that Ren was still trying to lie to him.  Somewhere in Ren’s mind, he must have known that his lies were pointless.  Hux knew he’d been closing the vent so they’d have to huddle together.  It was such a stupid, obvious lie, but the way that Ren kept insisting on it made Hux suspect that he liked the way it made Hux snuggle against him without prompting. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, “Hey…are you alright?  You don’t feel sick or anything?” 

It hadn’t been a good day, all things considered.  He’d been hunted, forced up a tree, dropped out of that tree, knocked unconscious against his wishes and now all he wanted was to have a natural, restful sleep.  He hoped he’d be able to.  With his insomnia he was never sure if he’d be able to sleep or not.  Some nights he slept right through, most nights he didn’t, occasionally waking up, and there were nights where he just didn’t sleep.  He hoped this wouldn’t be one of them. 

“Just tired,” sighed Hux. 

“I worry about you,” admitted Ren, giving his shoulder a firm squeeze.  It felt good, his muscles needed to be worked like this, “You’re strong, but you’ve been pushing yourself too hard.  I see why you tend to stay on your ship.” 

“If I had an adjustment period I would have been fine,” muttered Hux.  Language and cultural training would have helped as well, and some decently fitting clothing.  All of that would have made this whole thing less of an ordeal.  It felt…sloppy.  Too sloppy for the Supreme Leader’s usual tactics.  He must have had every faith that Ren could take care of the Jedi without Hux, because the General found himself perfectly useless out here without the proper training.  He knew his presence was meant to be the promise of a reward.  A carrot dangling from a stick that Ren could have if he finished his task and finished it well. 

He was too tired to be angry about it though. 

“I know,” said Ren, placing his other hand on Hux’s shoulder, “When I first met you, I didn’t think you were that tough…you’ve proved me wrong though.  You’re strong in your own way.” 

Hux sighed, “I have the coordinates, hopefully it’ll be quick.”  He thought for a moment before asking, “Have you ever done this before?  Fought someone else with the same kinds of powers.” 

“I have, weak ones.  I’m sure it won’t be any trouble,” assured Ren. 

He leaned forward and kissed Hux on the cheek.  Hux for his part wasn’t convinced by the answer.  Ren had fought with Force-Users, but none that had been on his level.  Suddenly he felt that this fight wouldn’t be as quick or easy as Ren was used to.  In other battles Hux had witnessed the results of the knight slicing through Force-Nulls like a hot knife through butter.  But against someone who was trained, someone with the same powers, on the same level of training…could he do it?  Could it be that Ren was about to meet his match against this Jedi? 

Could…could Ren die? 

Ren gave him another chaste kiss on the cheek, “It’ll be fine.  Soon it’ll be over…I was thinking after, let’s go somewhere nicer.  There are cities on this planet.  We could get a nice room, somewhere comfortable for you…it’ll be quiet, I hope you’ll like it.” 

The possibility didn’t seem to be registering in the knight’s mind.  He could die.  The Jedi could win.  It was an outcome that was very real, but Ren didn’t pay it any attention.  Was he that cock-sure or was he delirious?  Even when Hux was confident in his victory he still realized that there was a chance for failure.  There was always a plan for escape, and he never planned to celebrate a victory until it was absolutely assured.  Ren was thinking of winning as another event in his schedule to be ticked off before moving on to other things. 

“Did you like this evening?” asked Ren, “The cooking part.” 

“It was nice,” admitted Hux quietly.  It had been interesting to experience a family like that.  He supposed it was what other people had, what they were used to, and for a moment it was easy to see why the New Republic was so disgusted with their Stormtrooper program. 

“Maybe we can try it again,” said Ren, pulling at his shoulders against him, “I can cook more things than just vegetables.” 

“We don’t have a kitchen,” Hux pointed out bluntly. 

“There’s got to be one on the ship, and basic things for cooking.  I’d like to cook for you,” said the knight, pulling Hux in closer, “I want to do a lot of things for you.” 

He felt himself being pulled down onto his side with Ren’s arms around him, like an overgrown toy or pillow.  He was given more kisses, and all Hux could bring himself to do was lie limply, but as he did, a possibility raced through his mind.  Ren might die.  If he let Ren die the Supreme Leader would be furious, but if they both gave their all and Ren was bested…what would happen then?  It was entirely likely that Ren would die, and if he didn’t the Supreme Leader wouldn’t be so keen on giving him constant rewards.  Hux might not have to give in after all.  If they lost, then maybe…maybe Ren would be sent away for more training, or if he died, then forever.  Ren could go away forever. 

Hux never wanted so badly to lose in his whole life. 


	36. I am a rebel and that's nothing mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When coming up with Aroka's name I literally smashed my hands into the keyboard and made a word out of the letters that came up :P It's nothing to do with Ahsoka Tano. 
> 
> For those who are waiting for Hux to be raped; when it happens I will tag the chapter number. I understand that some people are reading just to get to that part, which is their prerogative and they don't have to justify it to anyone. I'm not offended, I'm just trying to think of the best way to let people know without triggering anyone or spoiling part of my story. Hopefully this is an acceptable solution. 
> 
> For now, Hux continues to suffer.

Hux remained silent as Ren piloted the shuttle.  Between the Force and various trackers they managed to pinpoint someone on the mountain who seemed likely to be their Jedi.  Hux quietly waited as they stopped and Ren prepared, meditating or whatever it was he did to strengthen himself.  As for his own preparations, they would take little time.  He would set himself up on a lookout with his blaster mounted on a tripod.  Before that he conducted more scans.  He’d learned his lesson with the Gnafs and tried searching for multiple temperature signals.  There was one, seemingly waiting for them.

For a moment, he thought he spotted another, but something seemed wrong.  It flickered in and out before fizzling out completely.  There was clearly something wrong with the machine, whether it was because the cold or from a malfunction he didn’t know.  Hux began to open it up and asked, “Can you sense anyone?  I think there’s someone nearby.” 

Ren remained silent and Hux asked more insistently, “Could you check?” 

“There’s nobody,” said Ren automatically, “Just the Jedi.” 

“You’re certain?” asked Hux. 

“Yes, I’m sure.  Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.  He can’t beat me,” said Ren, grinning confidently.  He reached over and touched Hux’s thigh, probably thinking it was a reassuring gesture.  “Will you be okay?  It’s cold, and your senses still haven’t completely adjusted, have they?” 

Hux shivered and replied, “Not completely, but they’re adequate.” 

“Make sure to bundle up,” advised Ren, letting go of Hux’s leg to adjust a scarf around his neck, “If you need to stop and go somewhere warn just let me know.” 

No.  Hux didn’t want to do that.  If it became too cold then he would stay and he would perform his duty, either watching the Jedi die or watching Ren die.  Either way, this was going to end.  He was tired of waiting and wanted everything to be over.  He didn’t care if he died of exposure or hypothermia.  No matter what, things were going to end, and they were going to end today. 

He hoped Ren died.  He would do everything he could to prevent that, if he didn’t the Supreme Leader would know and he would suffer for his lack of action.  There was a chance there would be nothing he could do though.  There were cases when taking a shot meant a sniper could hit an ally instead of their target.  Other factors like visibility could affect his performance.  There was a very real chance that Ren could die and he couldn’t help but hope for all of them to fall into alignment.  Nothing would please him more than to be forced to return and say in all honesty that Kylo Ren was dead and there had been no way to prevent it. 

Ren was oblivious to this though, and rising, kissed the crown of Hux’s head, “I’ll be back soon.” 

Hux nodded and Ren left.  He needed to prepare.  Bracing for the cold he went to find somewhere to assemble his tripod.  It was difficult to find a spot, somewhere he could see and run a low risk of being seen from multiple directions.  Being high up made it easier, but he felt that it was useless.  If this person was as powerful as Ren, the Jedi might know exactly where he was already.  Hiding might have been a pointless venture, but Hux knew he would feel better if he’d done everything he could to defend himself. 

It felt good to do something vaguely routine again.  Setting up the tripod reminded him of his old academy days, practicing assembling and disassembling weapons.  He could do it automatically, and the pieces felt familiar with his hands.  In no time at all he had the tripod ready and all that was left was to mount the blaster.  They were high enough in the mountains and it was early enough in spring that few hunters would want to come climbing for fear of Wampas and Gnafs.  By the time summer came and people became bolder to come this high, then hopefully the plasma burns will be covered by greenery or faded into the rock.  Nobody ought to find out anything that was about to transpire. 

Hux lay down and swivelled the Assassin into position, peering through the scope and watching for any sign of movement.  He saw none as he surveyed the rocky mountainside.  All he saw was unmoving grey and only heard the occasional whistle of wind.  After a few minutes he saw Ren, climbing down a mountain path.  He wasn’t hesitating, he was heading for something that he knew to be there.  Hux checked up ahead, but saw nothing.  Clearly it was something he was unable to sense. 

In a few moments, Ren stopped.  Hux licked his dry lips and watched.  Ren was waiting for someone to come to him.  Hux checked for where a person might come from.  Not behind Ren, the knight wasn’t that stupid. He looked in the direction that Ren was facing, expecting someone to come from that direction. 

That was when Hux saw something; horns.  Or at least they seemed like horns.  Togruta called them head-tails, but Hux wasn’t even certain if this was a Togruta.  He’d seen pictures of them in books and holos, but he’d never met one or seen one in real life.  His colouring seemed wrong.  Hux supposed humans were sometimes born albino or with unusual colourations, but he was so out of his depth he wasn’t certain he could rely on his reading anymore. 

At any rate, Kylo was in his way.  All Hux could see where the head-tails behind Kylo’s frame.  Hux muttered to himself, “Just to the side…one of you to the side, come on.” 

He rested his finger on the trigger and watched.  They weren’t moving, and without seeing the Jedi’s face or Ren’s he couldn’t judge the mood.  He assumed they must be speaking with each other, and Hux couldn’t imagine what they would possibly have to say to one another.  All he knew was that the force-users who were on the light side hated the ones on the dark side.  They talked for what seemed like an eternity before Hux caught a glimpse of a red flash and knew it was Ren’s saber igniting. 

There was a flash of green and soon all Hux could see where the two colours crashing into each other as the two began to fight.  He tried to establish a line of fire between himself and the target, but Ren would frequently get in his way or the sabers would flash.  Hux had been informed that a lightsaber could deflect a plasma bolt, so firing at the weapon would be completely useless.  A skilled fighter could even use his saber as a shield.  Hux would only have one shot.  After that the Jedi would know where he was and at what angle a long-ranged attack would come from. 

Hux kept his eyes glued to the scope, waiting for his window to open.  At any moment he could have his chance, but there was also the chance that he would watch Ren die.  He could hear a faint crackle in the distance as the sabers clashed.  If Ren died he might do so without a sound.  He watched, transfixed as the green and red lights seemed to whirled around each other. 

No…the green one seemed to have an upper hand.  It wasn’t just his wishful thinking, Ren was being pushed back.  His swings where becoming wilder, like when he attacked consoles or walls in frustration.  His movements didn’t have any trace of confidence or control in them at all. 

Ren was losing! 

Hux felt his heart leap.  Ren was losing.  He was either going to be forced to save the knight’s life or be forced to watch helplessly as he died.  For a moment he felt like he could taste victory.  He could imagine returning, alone, the Supreme Leader being disappointed, but knowing there had been no way for Hux to rescue his apprentice.  He would take full command of his ship.  He would be able to go to bed and wake up in the morning knowing that his body was his and his alone. 

The sabers clashed and remained trapped, both warriors locked against each other.  Hux sucked in a breath.  His only way to hit the Jedi, Aroka, was if he shot through Ren.  He couldn’t kill Ren, but Aroka might just do it.  He held his breath, waiting for one of them to succumb.  One had to fall here.  Hux didn’t know how much longer a person could last in such a physical- 

   ***  

He awoke on his side on the cold, hard ground.  Hux didn’t understand it.  It was as if he had been teleported from his position to this… this cave.  He was in a cave, he could tell that much.  He tried to get up and found his arms bound behind his back at the wrist and his legs at the knees and ankles.  Wriggling, he tried to slip out of his bonds.  How had this happened?  He couldn’t have fainted, he had been perfectly alert.  This was just like when Ren… when Ren forced him asleep with his power.

So there _had_ been someone else.  

Hux felt like an idiot for trusting Ren before his own equipment.  He tried to call for Ren but found something stopping him.  There was a cloth inside his mouth and another covering the lower half of his face.  So he’d been gagged in addition to being bound. 

He looked out at the entrance.  He might be able to crawl over if his bonds weren’t secured to anything.  Shimmying his shoulder and kicking out he could slowly drag himself forwards.  He couldn’t see anyone inside the cave.  If nobody was here to stop him, he might at least be able to get a look at where he was. 

He stopped when he saw someone approach, someone human.  He was young, possibly a Ren’s age or a little younger.  He had a mop of brown, wavy hair and was bundled up for winter.  He gave Hux a long, harsh look before he settled into the cave. 

There was no point in the man giving a monologue to explain his actions.  Even if he didn’t know who Hux was, he knew that he had been in the mountains with a military-grade blaster pointed at two sentients.  That would be enough for the young man to know that Hux wasn’t a simple hunter and his purpose wasn’t an innocent one.  There was nothing to explain, the young man had correctly identified Hux as an enemy. 

The General had questions though.  How had the man hidden himself from sensors?  Could he mimic the Gnafs and change his own core temperature?  For that to happen though he couldn’t have been human, or was this another one of the town’s many inhabitants who had an inkling of the Force’s power. 

It wasn’t until the strangely coloured Togruta arrived that the young man spoke, “What do we do with him then?  He’s obviously back-up.” 

Was he going to die? 

Hux supposed the Togruta must have been the human equivalent of an albino.  Instead of the red skin Hux expected from the species he was lighter coloured, more pinkish than anything else.  He looked down at Hux, locking eyes with him, “He’s more than that.  Aren’t you General Hux?” 

Had he read his mind!?  No… he was sure he would have felt it.  And with the shuttle alone and undefended, one of them must have gone through it and discovered their true identities.  Either way, the Jedi knew something he shouldn’t. 

“General Hux?” said the man in accented Standard, “But… why would they send a General.” 

“Snoke would have his reasons.  It matters not now… he’s gone,” said Aroka. 

Ren was…? 

The Togruta looked down at Hux, approaching him and crouching down.  He didn’t make any attempt to touch him, something Hux was grateful for.  He spoke evenly, “I’m going to take this off, and then perhaps you can tell me why you feel so relieved.” 

“Master!” protested the young man. 

“He’s harmless now, the worst he can do is shout, and no one can hear him.  Well, General, shall I take this off?” asked the Jedi. 

Hux nodded.  He had to get out of here and not talking would do nothing to achieve that.  He also wasn’t sure if the two were intent on killing him.  Aroka leaned in and untied the gag, allowing Hux to push the cloth out of his mouth with his tongue.  His face felt sore, but he supposed things could be worse.  Much worse.  Right now he was more confused than anything. 

“He hurts you, they both hurt you, I can sense it,” said the Jedi, “You’re relieved that he’s dead.” 

Hux tried and failed to sit up.  Giving up on that he lay on his side and kept his eyes on the Jedi, “…yes.” 

“Why are we waiting?  We should kill him and let the Gnafs rip him apart!” said the apprentice, “He’s _evil_!  You know what the First Order can do!” 

“He’s not evil,” said Aroka firmly, “There are very few in the Galaxy who are completely evil.  That is something that few in the Jedi order could grasp.  Some never had a choice.  Did you have a choice General?  Was there ever any possibility for you to become something else?” 

“You can fight your environment.  Don’t make excuses for him,” spat the apprentice. 

“No, I didn’t have a choice, I was bred for this,” said Hux, trying to side with the Jedi, “I’ve been trying to get away from him.  You’ve saved my life.” 

“Not yet,” said the Jedi. 

Hux paused.  The Jedi wasn’t letting him go.  Aroka remained crouched and looked him in the eyes, “What would you do with your freedom should we grant it?  I’m afraid allowing you to return to the First Order is not a possibility.” 

Hux had no intention of returning anywhere that wasn’t the First Order.  Kylo Ren was dead and Supreme Leader Snoke was going to hunt him down for an explanation.  It would be foolish to go anywhere else.  However, it didn’t seem as if the Jedi would allow him to leave if he didn’t have some assurance that Hux would disappear. 

“So…are you going to keep me here in this cave?” asked Hux. 

“It may be impossible.  We wouldn’t kill you, but sustaining you may prove difficult,” explained the Jedi, “What’s keeping you there General?  If it is fear, then it can be fought.” 

“The Supreme Leader will be looking for me.  He’ll want to know the fate of his apprentice,” said Hux evenly. 

“All the more reason to kill him,” said the apprentice. 

“Berim, don’t allow yourself to be ruled by hate.  Accept it, but do not let it control you.  The General doesn’t have to die.  He may assist us,” said Aroka, “Few know how to find Snoke.” 

So that was what they wanted.  Hux let out a sharp bark of laughter, “You’re going to kill him?  You two?” 

“We killed the Knight of Ren,” said Berim, “We may not be as powerful, but we have our ways.” 

“I’m not betraying the Order,” said Hux, lying back down, “So do what you will, my mind won’t be changed.” 

Aroka shrugged, “A hungry night in the cold may do just that.  We’ll ask again tomorrow.  Berim, keep him covered, enough that the night won’t kill him.” 

“Should I put the gag back in?” asked the apprentice. 

“…no.  I trust he’s intelligent enough not to draw unwanted attention,” replied the Jedi. 

It was then that Hux noticed him squinting.  He must have had difficulty seeing.  Admittedly the cave wasn’t very clear, but it really seemed as if the Jedi was nearsighted.  As he pondered he felt something being dropped on him and gave a grunt of discomfort.  The apprentice grumbled, “Nobody’s coming for you.” 

Hux shifted and saw that a small bundle of blankets had been dropped on him.  He wasn’t going to die, not immediately, that was good.  His bonds were tight and unbreakable by his own strength, that wasn’t good.  He looked around the cave and was beginning to see small signs of habitation.  Looking down a ways he could see makeshift beds and a small box.  Ren had mentioned Jedis tending to be hermits, so he guessed that was all they needed to make their home. 

And seeing two beds, he didn’t expect a third figure to enter the mouth of the cave.  He recognized her immediately; the friendly barmaid who couldn’t read but spoke excellent standard. 

“Masha!” said Berim sternly, “I told you to go back to town.” 

“I couldn’t until I saw you were safe,” she countered, colliding with him and wrapping her arms around him.  She began speaking her own language, so quickly Hux couldn’t understand it at all.  Berim, from his tone, argued with her and gave her a scolding. 

“Let her stay,” said Aroka, “She’s as much my apprentice as you are.” 

“She’s been helpful, but…” Berim protested. 

“Accept your emotions, but do not let them rule you.  Masha did very well to keep Ren’s senses at bay and to monitor them.  We wouldn’t have known Ren had brought a sniper without her,” said Aroka. 

Berim visibly flinched whenever Ren was mentioned, “Don’t call him that…we all knew who he was and why we couldn’t let him live.” 

The apprentice looked over at Hux apprehensively, “How much can we speak with this rat listening in?” 

“He will mend his ways, or the mountain will kill him,” said Aroka, “He won’t be leaving this place until his loyalties are assured.” 

“So…we can’t save him?” asked Masha, looking down at him pitifully, “His mind was like a vault but I could sense it.  He was…he was terrified.  I could feel him up in his room whenever they were alone.” 

Hux clenched his eyes shut.  So she could feel him, terrified and helpless while Ren pawed at him.  No…that was over now.  Ren was dead.  Ren would never touch him again.  Now he had to think of himself.  He was being given an ultimatum; betray the order or be left to die in a cave on the side of a gods forsaken mountain.  He wasn’t even sure how his loyalty could be proven.  Perhaps he could play lip service to how he hated the Order because of what the Supreme Leader had put him through.  But would he be believed?  He’d been in the Order for so long a sudden shift in allegiance was bound to look suspicious.  Still, they weren’t leaving him much choice.  He either had to submit to their will or die. 

“It’s up to him if he wants to be saved or not,” said Aroka, “But you have to understand, he can’t be allowed to leave and rejoin the others.  He’ll warn them, and then all hope will be lost.” 

“We can change our temperatures, tamper with machines and fight a little, but can we beat him?  Do you really think we can?” asked Berim, “Luke Skywalker won’t fight him, so that must mean he thinks he has no chance.” 

“Luke is… not afraid of battle.  He has his reasons to stay hidden,” said Aroka. 

Luke Skywalker?  Was he alive?  They spoke of him as if he were.  Hux had once thought him a legend, then was certain he must be dead.  If he was alive though, and the Resistance found him it could be disastrous for the Order.  Skywalker had brought down the Empire at its mightiest.  What he could do to the fledgling Order was… 

“I’m still not comfortable talking in front of him.  Let’s just let him starve,” said Berim, “Maybe once he feels real hunger he’ll be more agreeable.” 

Hux wasn’t sure he could trust them.  It was occurring to him that they might just kill him once he had talked.  The only one of them who seemed partial to letting him go was Masha.  Perhaps if the others felt what she had they might have thought him pathetic enough to be of no danger as well.  Hux closed his eyes and lay on the ground, waiting until the blankets absorbed enough of his body heat to keep him somewhat warm.  It wasn’t enough, but he supposed that was the point. 

He needed a plan.  The only one that came to mind was to play the victim.  He hadn’t wanted to come, the Supreme Leader made him do it all.  He had been raised to do this but now he was realizing that there were other paths for himself.  If he was allowed to live then he would amend his ways, perhaps go to some neutral Outer Rim planet and live out the rest of his days in peace.  That was what they wanted to hear, but saying so too suddenly would be suspicious.  On top of that, Hux didn’t know if it was all a lie, if they would kill him after they had found out what they needed to know or… perhaps one of them would mess with his mind, make him think he was someone else and have him live out the rest of his days here on this planet. 

Without knowing what the three were capable of, Hux had no idea what his fate could be.  Masha and Berim began talking in Hathan again, while Aroka sat by him.  Nothing was going to happen if he stayed silent.  He supposed saying nothing was what was best for the Order.  He would die and then the Supreme Leader would send forces to find and kill the ones his apprentice and General had failed to dispatch.  No secrets would be disclosed, dying with Hux himself.  Of course, Hux wasn’t in the mood to die, and knew the best way to live was to talk.  They might kill him after, but he was going to die if he said nothing and that was guaranteed. 

He might be able to sway them.  He just had to make himself pathetic enough.  He concentrated on his story.  He had to do it.  If he hadn’t done it the Supreme Leader would have killed him.  He hadn’t wanted to be with Ren at all. 

Now how could he bring that up without sounding like he was begging for his life? 

As his thoughts wandered he thought of Ren.  What had happened to him?  He supposed he was left on the side of the mountain, like the three were planning on doing to him.  Still…dead.  Hux had a hard time believing it.  Ren had been so powerful, it was hard to think he was really, truly gone. 

He watched the light fade to gold as the sun descended.  The air grew colder and the Jedi and his apprentice began to set up a fire, far away from Hux so he couldn’t feel it’s warmth, but close enough that he could smell food if and when they chose to cook. 

Hux couldn’t help asking, “Won’t your brother be missing you?  Does anyone know you’re gone?” 

Masha glanced up and looked at Aroka, silently asking whether or not she ought to reply to the prisoner.  The Jedi shook his head and Masha frowned, returning to tending the fire.  It seemed they were going to starve him of conversation as well as food, letting him get desperate enough to switch sides, or at least become neutral.  Hux sighed and settled against the ground, preparing to have to wait out the night.  He was alive and Ren was dead, but this was hardly the result he had wanted. 

He still had more questions.  What had become of the shuttle?  Where on the mountain was he?  He was starting to get colder too.  The blankets weren’t enough anymore.  As the sky became dark he was beginning to shiver.  He almost missed the way Ren would pull him close and keep him warm.  He couldn’t believe he would never be forced to feel that again, though he wasn’t sure he would ever be allowed to feel anything aside from the cold again either. 

He was getting hungrier, and the smell of cooking food wasn’t helping.  Hux supposed that was the idea, making him feel worse and worse until he cracked.  Hux tried to convince himself that the food would have just made him sick and tried tucking his legs in closer to keep himself warm.  It didn’t help much, but he was a little warmer than before.  He wished he could wrap his arms around himself.  He was so cold he was certain that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. 

His stomach growled and he wondered how long they would ignore him.  Days?  He could wait, but he didn’t want to.  He could stand the discomfort but he hated being on the edge of uncertainty.  He hoped it would be sooner rather than later. 

He tried again, “Is Kylo Ren really dead?” 

“He’s dead.  At the bottom of a chasm,” was the plain reply, “Nobody will be saving you.” 

Hux let out a slight sigh.  It figured that Ren would die and leave him in some sort of mess.  He never could just go away and leave him in peace.  He also very much began to doubt that he would be alive to leave, not in any condition to return to the First Order.  If he couldn’t see himself leaving without having his mind altered.  That had to be it.  They would want him to talk and then… then something would be done with him.  Or he would be quiet and he would die a martyr for the Order, but with none of the glory it was supposed to bring.  He would disappear, alone, in a cave. 

He bore no ill will towards the Order, but the Supreme Leader…doing something to set him back was tempting.  Hux had been thrown to Ren by his master.  It had been humiliating and part of him did want revenge. 

Was there any chance for escape?  Hux wanted to think there was.  He still felt if he could get to Masha then he might have a chance at being allowed to live, dropped on some neutral planet.  Someone was bound to look for him and then perhaps he could have that chance at freedom and power again. 

“Is he really dead?” Hux asked again. 

This time there was no reply. 

Curling in as much as he could, Hux tried to adjust to the cold. 


	37. It was early early in the spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late. Last week I was sick, and today required a lot of adulting.

No help came, as promised.  Hux could hardly feel his fingers and toes.  The blankets barely kept him warm enough, though that was entirely the point.  All through the night he could see the glow of the fire, unable to sleep from discomfort, nerves and his usual insomnia.  He wished he had his medicine, something to pause everything so he could rest.  His mind raced the whole night.  No Ren meant no rescue, at least not for a few days.  No doubt the Supreme Leader sensed Ren’s death and would send someone to avenge him.  That would take days though, nobody was in range. 

If he could hold out, or convince his captors to let him go, he would be alright.  They seemed determined to keep him though, to get information out of him.  They wanted to end the Order, to kill the Supreme Leader. 

Obviously Hux didn’t want the Order to end.  It was everything he had worked for, everything he had ever cared about.  The Supreme Leader though… was he needed?  No, of course he was.  Having such a strong ally was paramount to their cause.  Just like Emperor Palpatine had successfully ruled for nearly two decades, they needed a strong, central leader at their helm.  Someone who none would dare cross.  They needed him.  They needed his powers.  Protecting the Supreme Leader was key to protecting the Order. 

When the first blue-grey signs of light appeared Hux felt some relief.  That was one night over and done with.  It would be more than half a day since Ren’s death, and his rescue team would be here soon.  He might not have been as important as Ren, but surely a General wasn’t completely disposable.  Someone would come for him, he had to believe that. 

He had to… 

But before that he had other problems.  He hadn’t eaten since the day before last, and he needed to use a latrine if there was one.  He shifted uncomfortably, his hunger and need to pee doing his insides no favours.  He tried to glance at his captors.  They weren’t going to feed him, but surely they wouldn’t want him pissing all over their cave.  The smell would be awful and it would make everything unsanitary. 

He hazarded saying, “Can you untie me a moment?” 

“So you can run?” asked Berim haughtily. 

“No, so I can pee,” said Hux, feeling heat rise to his face at having to say that, “I really need to.” 

“We agreed, we can’t let you go unless you agree to talk,” said the Jedi. 

Hux’s eyes widened.  They couldn’t be serious.  Were they really going to leave him tied up, starving, covered in his own filth until he talked?  Hux tried to persuade them, “There will be a smell…it’s filthy… if I do that like this than it’ll freeze.  There could be permanent damage.” 

“So you had best talk,” said the Jedi. 

Hux shifted, trying to cross his legs a little.  This was ridiculous.  Beyond ridiculous.  They were really going to let him wet himself, let the urine freeze and let that give him frostbite.  He shook his head, “Please, I won’t run!” 

“Let him go, just for a moment,” pleaded Masha, “This is cruel!” 

“He’s a monster, and until he stops being a monster we can’t turn him loose,” said Berim firmly. 

Was it worth staying put?  At this rate if he stayed quiet his men were going to find him starved, bound and soaked in his own urine.  Hux felt his heart race at such a humiliating thought.  He couldn’t let himself be seen like that.  He couldn’t bear the shame.  It was a horrible thing to imagine.  But it would happen very soon if he didn’t say anything.  He could hold out for a while, but if he refused his body would inevitably give in to its natural functions. 

“I just need to pee!” Hux protested, “I won’t do anything else.” 

He heard movement before Berim cut in, “Masha, no.  You know what the First Order believes.  He’s one of them.  We can’t let him go until he switches sides.” 

“And if we make him change like this than aren’t we just as awful!?” demanded Masha. 

“Unfortunately war often necessitates such… unfortunate methods.  He won’t be injured, just a blow to his pride,” assured Aroka. 

"This is too much.  We can't do this!" insisted Masha, "Berim if you care for me at all don't turn into someone who would-"

"Masha, my family is down there, and your brother.  If we let him go, and he gets away, he could hurt them and everyone else.  I don't like doing this, but it's war, and we have to do whatever it takes to stop the First Order and protect everyone else.  What if he gets free and hurts one of us?  We can't trust him."  

Masha didn't speak after that.  They were really going to make him do it.  Hux clenched his eyes shut as he spent the next five minutes trying not to think about how badly he needed to use the bathroom.  It was ingenious in a way.  They didn’t need any specialized equipment, just some rope, the environment and for Hux’s own body to work against him.  He’d been trained to withstand torture, but it was from devices and threats of using them.  His instructors had never suggested he might be tied up and forced to wet himself in freezing conditions. 

Someone would come, they had to, but if he stayed quiet then Hux knew he would be in a sorry state.  It was highly likely they were going to keep him barely fed and hydrated so he would stay alive, and of course as a result he would keep messing himself until he was untied.  He didn’t know if he could take it.  They would look at him pityingly, as a failure, nobody would respect him again. 

He had to figure out how to get out of this.  But they wouldn’t untie him unless he talked… 

“Tell us and you’ll be released.  What’s more, you’ll be protected,” said the Jedi. 

“By you?” asked Hux. 

“By us,” replied Aroka, “We eliminated his apprentice, did we not?” 

It had to be true.  If Kylo was capable of honing in on his distress, he would have come by now.  Kylo was gone, and it seemed that these people were the ones who killed him.  But Snoke?  The Supreme Leader was much more powerful than anything Hux had ever encountered.  Snoke was not going to be killed by a trick with concealing or lowering temperatures. They wouldn’t be able to protect him. 

“He hurts you.  Mentally or physically, it matters little.  I haven’t read your thoughts, but it’s clear from what I’ve been told and how you look about.  If you tell us how to find him, or how the master can be brought here, you will be protected,” assured Aroka. 

“Nobody can protect me against him,” said Hux, “If he wanted to hurt me he could.  He might even be listening now.” 

“And yet he does nothing to assist you,” observed the Jedi, “Be killed by him or by the mountain.” 

It sounded like he was ending the conversation.  Hux called, “Wait…I can’t tell you where he is, I don’t know his location, that’s how he wants it.” 

“Liar,” scoffed Berim. 

“It’s true, I have no idea how to find him.  He communicates with coms and holograms, I’ve never seen him face to face.  I can’t tell you how to find him because I don’t know where he is,” insisted Hux. 

“Then perhaps you wouldn’t mind proving how little you claim to know,” suggested Aroka. 

Hux looked up at him.  It took a moment, but he understood.  The Jedi wanted to look inside his mind, to root about until he was certain that Hux knew nothing about the Supreme Leader’s whereabouts.  He wasn’t completely clueless.  He had a notion of where Supreme Leader Snoke was, but he couldn’t say for certain.  Nobody needed to know that though. 

The trouble was, if Hux refused, they would think he was lying, putting him back at square one.  If he allowed it, there was a chance that he could give away all sorts of vital information.  Frankly, with so much at stake, Hux was shocked that his mind hadn’t already been picked at and combed through.  It was shocking that he was being offered the choice to cooperate rather than having information ripped out of his head. 

Perhaps this Jedi was like Ren.  Most of the time Hux could misdirect or shut out Ren completely with his own mental defenses, unlike the Supreme Leader who could read his mind with ease.  Then again, he knew Ren.  He knew exactly how to manipulate and control what information threads he followed.  Hux had no idea which threads to lead a complete strange on with. 

He had no choice though.  If he said no he would be stuck.  If he said yes he could improve his situation, protect vital secrets, and perhaps even escape.  He had the most to gain from this path and the most to lose with the other. 

“You can look,” said Hux, “But I swear, I don’t know where he is.” 

“We’ll see,” said the Jedi calmly.  Hux heard him shuffle closer and then felt a hand settle over his temple, sending a chill down his spine that made him shudder.  He could hear the Jedi speaking more softly, brushing hair from the side of his head in an attempt to be soothing, “It’s alright, he’s gone.  You don’t have to fear being touched anymore.” 

He didn’t?  That was right… he didn’t.  Ren was dead.  He didn’t have to be touched anymore, not if he didn’t want it.  There was nobody else who would dare force themselves on him.  He was safe now, after a fashion. 

He heard himself being shushed as fingers pressed to his scalp again, “I’m going to look now.  Just relax yourself.” 

Hux concentrated on his worst memories, bringing them to the surface of his mind.  He showed his training, his relationship with Ren, memories of pain and agony.  He tried not to make them violent, though he wasn’t quite sure how to make those memories less volatile for the viewer.  Harm was not his intent.  He wanted the Jedi to see him as a victim in this, to let that colour his impression as he pressed through all of the pain.  If he did that, Hux knew he might be less likely to question a General being so ignorant to his Superior’s whereabouts.  Hux wasn’t an equal in this, he was a pawn, one being used in the most horrible ways. 

It was the best way to make someone come to the logical conclusion:  He didn’t know.  He wasn’t important enough to know. 

Hux could feel Aroka digging through, pausing, looking about thoughtfully at everything he saw.  Hux couldn’t sense what he was feeling, he didn’t have any Force-related powers.  Something about the way he kept pausing, examining, judging everything Hux offered up was unusual though.  He was… being listened to.  He was showing all the awful things that had happened and instead of being ordered to live with it, someone was lending an eye and an ear, taking everything in, experiencing it with him. 

Aroka seemed to be trying to comfort him. 

He didn’t dodge the memories, or push them away, he accepted each one, lived through it, and waited for Hux to continue, to offer more of his struggle.  Hux gasped out, “What… what are you doing?” 

“I’m sensing your pain at all this.  Masha was right, there is great hate and suffering in you.  No being should be subjected to such things…” 

Hux felt the hand pull away and Aroka ordered Berim, “Untie him.  Let him have a few moments and then bind him again.  Forgive me, General, we can’t release you at this time.” 

At this time?  So he would let him go?  Or… 

“Are you… Resistance?” asked Hux. 

“We resist, but we aren’t Resistance.  We act on our own,” explained Masha. 

“But that doesn’t mean we aren’t willing to work with them.  You might not be able to help us, but maybe you know something that will help them,” said Berim.  Hux heard him approach and begin prying at the knots he had tied, “You fight me and I’ll fight back.  You have two minutes.  When you finish you will cross your hands behind your back and let me tie them.” 

At that moment, Hux felt a strange compulsion come over him.  It was like when he heard a superior’s orders and knew he had to obey.  Berim wasn’t his superior though.  They weren’t even on the same side.  Hux could only arch his brow at the feeling.  Berim sighed, “It was worth a shot…” 

Had he…tried to use the Force on him?  It was highly likely, and Hux supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised.  He wondered if he’d succeeded in throwing the Jedi off or if they were trying to be nice in order to lower his guard.  If it was, it was an impatient change in tactics.  Still, he wasn’t going to complain as he was taken by the arm to the mouth of the cave.  He really, really needed to pee. 

He wasn’t disturbed by his guard watching him.  He’d figured that would happen, and having lived in a dorm he was used to the idea of using the bathroom around, if not in front of, other people.  It wasn’t a pleasant thing, but it wasn’t as humiliating as lying in a freezing pool of his own urine.  When he finished, he adjusted his clothes, making sure he was covered before compliantly placing his hands behind his back.  Running wasn’t going to work and neither was fighting.  He’d learned that well enough with Ren.  The best thing to do would be to befriend and manipulate if he had the skill to do it. 

As his bonds were retied, Hux asked again, “So how exactly will this work?” 

“You sit, we’ll have a look in your mind, and then we decide from there,” said Berim. 

The young man clearly wanted to kill him.  He seemed much more hot blooded than the others, much more impulsive.  The sort to act first and ask questions or handle the fallout later.  It was no wonder his master kept on reigning him in.  Were all Force-Users like this?  Perhaps not.  Masha seemed much more level headed, despite being too empathetic.  The Master was the one Hux was having a bit of a hard time getting a feel for.  Perhaps he was overconfident.  Hux knew he would be too if he’d managed to kill Ren. 

“Is he really dead, did you see the body?” asked Hux. 

“Didn’t peg you as sentimental,” scoffed Berim, pulling him back inside, “Let’s just say you won’t get to kiss him goodbye.” 

For a moment, Hux’s blood boiled.  He wanted to scream about what he’d been through, but he had to stay calm.  His survival depended on being able to use his head and his own thoughts.  If he let anger overtake him then he wouldn’t be able to concentrate.  It infuriated him though. 

“Berim, that’s enough!” said the Jedi more sharply, “Bring him here by the fire.  This may take some time, and the cold will do neither of us any good.” 

As they came closer he assured Hux, “Kylo Ren is dead.  I can no longer sense his presence.  No more harm will come to you at his hand, or the hand of his master.”

“But was there a body?  Can you be sure he’s dead?” Hux repeated. 

“He fell down a chasm.  If you want to see his corpse so badly, you go climb down while fighting off mountain beasts to look for it,” scoffed Berim. 

Sitting down, he could have sworn that Berim gave him a shove.  If he had been free he might have shoved back, for all the damage he was capable of doing with his thin body.  He sighed and tried to make himself comfortable.  It was warmer here, though the ground was cold. 

The Jedi reached out his hand, placing it close enough to Hux’s temple that it barely made contact, sending more little shivers down his spine.  He was surprised though when he was asked, “Are you prepared?  May I enter your mind?” 

Permission was a strange and unfamiliar thing.  For a moment, Hux was completely caught off guard by it.  Aroka was asking him.  On one hand, he thought it wasn’t a good move to make, it gave Hux time to brace himself and prepare his layers.  On the other, it was all that he had wanted from Ren.  Autonomy, the ability to choose for himself and even refuse if he saw fit to do so.  No, that wasn’t part of his future anymore.  Ren was dead.  If he couldn’t be sensed, then that had to mean that he was dead. 

“I’m ready,” said Hux finally, “Do what you must.” 

He was surprised that he could feel the Jedi enter his mind.  He had thought that Ren was being clumsy and brutish as usual, but it seemed that the Supreme Leader’s ability to move through minds undetected was an exception and not the rule.  Thanks to his training with Ren though, he could feel exactly where Aroka was going.  He was seeking out memories of Snoke, passing through and ignoring all others. 

So Hux gave him Snoke. 

He presented all of their meetings in the holo chambers.  Their first correspondence, including Hux asking how far the signal could travel.  He was told not to worry about it.  That the signal was so direct and so strong that distance shouldn’t hinder it.  Figuring out his exact position was possible, but he would need to be on the Finalizer.  He needed to set up a signal to be able to calculate the exact distance the signal was traveling.  He would also need to use various equipment in order to figure out the direction that the signal was coming and going from.  Willingly, he offered up that information, knowing that the Jedi would see it. 

Then, to Hux’s surprise, he backed off. 

“So.  If we had you contact your Supreme Leader, you could figure out where he was?” asked Aroka. 

Hux gave an uneasy nod. 

“Could you contact him from your shuttle?”

Hux started.  He hadn’t thought about that.  It was possible.  And if he could get to the shuttle and send a signal, he could send out a distress signal, assuming he wasn’t caught.  He might even be able to lie about calculating the signal.  He gave an uneasy nod, “It’s possible…but I shouldn’t.  He’ll know for certain.  He may know what’s happened already.” 

“If he knows where you are and hasn't done anything to assist you, then he doesn’t deserve loyalty,” said Berim harshly, “Come on.  If we get him to the shuttle then we can find Snoke and end this once and for all.” 

“I won’t,” insisted Hux, “I can’t betray him.  I’d be signing my own death warrant.” 

“Well if you don’t you’re signing a death warrant!” growled the young man.  Hux could feel something press against his back and froze.  It was obviously a weapon, but he couldn’t feel exactly what it was through all of the layers he was wearing.  Berim continued, “You don’t help, you die, if you do help, there’s a chance you live.” 

The Jedi sighed slightly, “I’m afraid we need your cooperation General.” 

Hux glared as he muttered, “So I don’t have a choice…” 

“You do, but it’s not a fair one.  I’m afraid we’re too desperate to be fair at this point,” said Aroka. 

“I’m sorry… We have to do this.  We need to end this,” said Masha, “If you help us, we’ll protect you.” 

They wouldn’t be able to, but it gave Hux an excuse to get to the shuttle.  He might be able to find a weapon, or lead them straight to the Finalizer.  If he could return with enemies of the Order as captives, that combined with Ren’s death would cement him as the second in command of the Order.  This was the ideal situation that he had been waiting for.  Ren would be dead and he would have single-handedly saved the Supreme Leader from assassins.   He slowly nodded, trying to seem reluctant, “If you think you can… I’ll take you.” 

“Right, get up and walk,” said Berim. 

Hux growled, “Not exactly a tactful person, are you?” 

“I don't waste tact on bad men,” came the reply. 

Hux felt something, an odd pressure as he was hauled to his feet.  It may have been light-headedness from little sleep and no food, but it didn’t feel natural.  The other three also paused, looking about.  Berim looked at his master, “You said he fell!” 

“He did, and then I felt his presence…never mind,” said the Jedi, “Take him.  We move now.” 

“Masha, I don’t think he knows about you, go back to town,” said Berim. 

“I’m a part of this,” insisted Masha. 

“He’ll kill you!” hissed the young man. 

“He’ll kill us _all_ of we don’t move!” the Jedi finally snapped, “Our best chance of escape is that shuttle!” 

With the knowledge that Ren was alive, Hux’s heart and mind began to race.  Ren was alive.  And if a Force-null like himself could feel Ren’s presence, he must have been very, very angry.  He barely had time to think as he was pulled along by the arm.  He felt himself being pushed forward before he heard a blade snapping open.  In a flash his hands were free and he was pushed forward.  Berim's basic faltered as he commanded “If you run, now would be time!” 

He didn’t need to be told twice. 


	38. No more returning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here half a day late, without any Starbucks either. 
> 
> Just a heads up, I'm going on hiatus in March. Nothing's wrong, I'm just going to be doing a lot of traveling and my final essays are coming up for school. Add that to my full-time job and there's just no time left for writing. I'm hoping to come back refreshed with new chapters, and maybe a few new ideas for stories. Also, a little break from fandom to get more grounded never hurt anyone.
> 
> ((Warnings for violence and minor character death))

Hux ran.  In any case his best bet was the shuttle, but his mind raced.  He could sense Ren getting closer.  The strange pressure on his body kept on getting heavier and heavier.  It was like someone was squeezing his chest as he tried to run and was dropping weights into an imaginary bag on his back.  He began to slow down, and the knowledge that he was slowing, and a dangerous man was getting closer and closer kept his adrenaline high.  He fought as hard as he could against the pressure and his growing fatigue, but slowly it was winning against him. It was like reading about sleep paralysis, a waking nightmare, and no matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't wake or escape.  

He stumbled and felt Berim trying to haul him up, his accent and Standard slipping as he growled, “Get up!  We need pilot!” 

Pulling himself up was nearly impossible.  Hux soon found that he wasn’t just being pulled down towards the ground, he was being pulled back.  Invisible chains had wrapped around him and were trying to haul him backwards towards the cave.  He tried to get up and was slammed back down.  Grasping at the rocks on the ground, he fought to simply stay in place. 

It was useless.  For all of his own and Berim’s pulling, he suddenly shot backwards, dragged along the dirt and stones until he came to a halt.  The crackle and glow of red plasma shone all too close to his face.  Hux couldn’t speak.  His mouth was dry and the ever-present pressure made it difficult to move.  Nothing was registering in his mind as panic began to claim him.  Had Ren sensed disloyalty in him?  Was he going to die? 

“Wait here,” growled Ren, finally moving forward. 

Hux could only watch what followed. 

He had seen countless simulations and footage of battles.  He knew what it looked and sounded like when a person was killed in front of him.  Training had desensitized him to death of all kinds.  He'd even seen murders and executions carried out.  Seeing death in real life wasn’t meant to phase him.  He wasn’t supposed to feel afraid when he saw Berim, cut in half at the waist as he struggled to hold Ren off.  He wasn’t supposed to feel the need to shout for it all to stop when Arohka tried to give Masha time to run.  He wasn’t supposed to feel cold, with a scream building in his throat when Ren finally reached the innkeeper’s sister. 

All those feelings claimed him, and there was nothing he could do to stop them. 

“Hux.  Hux!” 

Trembling, Hux found he couldn’t respond.  His mouth was dry.  He couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not.  He lay on his stomach, eyes transfixed on the carnage that had been three people mere minutes ago. 

“Did they hurt you!?  Talk to me!” demanded Kylo, getting down on the ground and shaking his shoulders. 

“B-blood…” Hux managed to stammer out, “So much blood…” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, they can’t hurt you anymore,” said Kylo, slightly less urgently, “I’m here, everything’s going to be alright.” 

“…blood…” Hux choked out, feeling bile rising to his throat.  He could smell the coppery scent of blood and the scent of split intestines.  It was more overwhelming than anything from simulations.  His stomach felt like it was going to leap out of his mouth.  His limbs shook as he managed to work himself to his hands and knees.  He couldn’t stand.  He was shaking so badly.  All on it’s own his lower lip began to curl and his mouth watered, lubricating itself for what was coming. 

His stomach wasn’t very full, but his body purged whatever had been left.  It hurt.  There was barely anything there, but his body kept trying to force something out.  He coughed and hacked, tears welling in his eyes as he gasped for air.  Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, which were watering all on their own from the pain and strain on his facial muscles. 

It wasn’t until long after everything was gone that Hux registered the feeling of a hand on the back of his neck, squeezing before moving down between his shoulders to rub gently.  Kylo spoke gently, “Scavenging animals will smell the blood and come soon.  We have to get away before that.” 

Hux barely managed a nod.  He was still shaking, and the smell was doing nothing to help him.  Still, he couldn’t stay crouched over a pool of his own vomit while wild animals were coming to feast on the dead.  He felt Kylo’s hand slip under his arms, hauling him up to his feet.  Quietly, and angrily, Kylo added, “I can’t believe that girl was a spy.  I couldn’t sense her intentions at all.” 

“They…” Hux began, far too high-pitched for his liking.  He took a moment to compose himself before explaining, “They seem to specialize in being undetectable.  Somehow they tricked the heat sensors.” 

“Three of them in total.  I don’t think there are any more up here, but let’s keep our guards up,” said Kylo. 

Suddenly Hux froze.  He nearly collapsed and started throwing up all over again, “Kylo…” 

The knight must have sensed his intense fear, because the use of his first name didn’t inspire any fondness in him.  Ren looked down at him questioningly as Hux choked out, “The artifact!” 

Ren’s eyes widened and he understood.  They killed the Jedi, but failed their mission. 

The Supreme Leader was going to be furious. 

   ***  

Ren seemed to think the best place to bring him was back to the Jedi’s cave.  The knight fumed, stalking back and forth as he growled to himself.  Occasionally he would kick at a rock or smash a boulder against the wall, shouting wordlessly.  His breath quickened and he seemed on the verge of terrified hysterics.  Hux wasn’t far behind, curled up quietly in his corner.  There would be no clemency for his failure.  It didn’t matter if it was his mission or not, there would be consequences. 

Failure had always meant punishment, that was the way it was.  It always seemed to get worse as he got older as well.  It seemed every time he thought a reprimand couldn’t get worse, his superiors found a way, whether it was physical or psychological.  It was meant to be harsh, to keep failures from happening again and again.  But now…it was hardly even his fault but Hux knew he would be punished. 

Perhaps…perhaps not.  If he explained to the Supreme Leader – that it was all Ren’s fault!  Ren had killed them before they could interrogate them.  But…Hux had been leading them to the shuttle.  The Supreme Leader would know.  He would know! 

His men…perhaps if…if there was something Hux had to do, something he needed to be physically and mentally fit to do, his punishment might be lessened, or postponed.  A message…

Hux reached for his datapad.  It had the slightest charge left, enough for a few hours before it finally gave out.  Turning it on, Hux found the translation function was still open. 

Finally having a useful idea, Hux called, “Ren!  Ren, stop!” 

“What!?” snapped the knight, flinging another rock against the wall. 

“I…I need quiet,” said Hux. 

“Don’t you get it!?  The mission failed!  It’s your fault!” Ren thundered. 

Hux ignored the accusation and what it might mean for the time being, “I need quiet!  I have an idea.  I think…if I can calm down I can remember their conversations.  If I can repeat it into the datapad and get a working translation, we might figure out where to find it.” 

Ren furrowed his brow for a moment, “You can remember everything they said?” 

“Yes…” said Hux, “But I need quiet so the datapad can register what I’m saying.” 

Calming down slightly, the knight nodded, “Alright, try it.” 

Hux nodded in turn and began speaking from the earliest point he could remember, reciting all of the sounds he couldn’t manage to make words out of.  Once he finished the first speech, the datapad called out in a monotone, _“Ben alone fell.  I could not feel him anymore.  Sky walk mistake gone.”_

For a moment Hux froze.  Most of it was absolute nonsense.  However, it made Ren eagerly sit next to him, staring into the datapad’s screen disbelievingly.  Hux whispered, “Does that mean anything to you?” 

“A little.  It got my name wrong.  Keep going,” said Ren. 

Hux tried a little more, getting the strange translation, _“Good bye.  Ben alone destroy everything.  Now we can go to Snoke.  Should we go sky walk now?  Snoke is strong.”_

“This is what we need,” said Ren. 

Sky walk…Skywalker!  Were they talking about the Legendary Jedi Skywalker?  But he was a myth.  He had died along with General Organa’s heir when that school of his had been ravaged.  Hux shook his head, “That can’t be right.  Luke Skywalker is dead.  If he were alive he would have jumped into the fray along with his meddlesome sister by now.” 

“I would have thought so too, but he might be alive,” said Ren.  He paused before saying, “The map…what if it’s a map to where he’s hiding?  If he went somewhere holy to the Jedi to hide, there must be clues as to how to get there.” 

“What do you mean?” asked Hux. 

“With religions there are holy places, some more so than others.  If Skywalker went somewhere to hide, or to get stronger, he would probably want to go to a holy place, somewhere to gain more power,” explained Ren, “The Jedi religion was nearly wiped out, and after Order 66 came a period of persecution.  Maps to holy sites would have had to be broken up and hidden away for safe keeping.” 

“If…If you know what we’re looking for, maybe you should look for it.  I’ll keep trying,” said Hux quietly. 

Ren nodded and put an arm around him.  Hux shivered at the sudden warmth as the knight kissed his cheek, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have yelled at you.  Keep trying and I’ll help you listen for clues while I look.” 

Hux nodded again, trying to dismiss the knight.  It seemed to work as he stood up and went to go look through the small chest and the blankets.  Hux kept going, speaking and then listening to the nonsense his datapad parroted back at him.  Most of it was useless to him, just debating and pleasantries, nothing about where a piece of a map might be.  Hux closed his eyes and recalled being tied up under the blankets.  He had to remember every strange syllable perfectly.  He had to remember it right or else he might get the wrong information. 

_“Berim, that you will pass.”_

“Berim?” asked Ren suddenly.  

“The…the man who was with them.  He is – was, an apprentice, I think.  Do you know him?” asked Hux. 

Ren turned his back and went back to riffling through Arohka’s chest of odds and ends, “No.  Never heard it before.  Just curious.” 

“I suppose only some proper names don’t get translated,” said Hux quietly, “Have you found anything useful?” 

“No.  I think I’ll have to search the bodies.  I don’t think they’d leave it behind.  Keep trying though.  One of them might have taken and hidden it,” advised Ren. 

Hux gave a nod and kept repeating the conversation, hoping his pronunciation wouldn’t bungle any information.  It was also something to do, something to think about besides the smell of blood and filth that lingered in his nostrils.  It was also a reprieve from Ren.  His brain was finally starting to register that the knight was fully prepared to place all the blame on him for their failure.  Hux had done his job.  He had used his equipment properly and had provided backup as promised.  This was Ren’s fault.  Ren was supposed to defeat the Jedi and find the artifact using his mind reading skills.  If anything, Hux was saving Ren’s neck, again. 

Thankless work was nothing unusual.  Orders were meant to be followed, so thanks were never a requirement.  If nobody said ‘thank you’ to him, Hux wasn’t terribly offended, so long as he hadn’t gone beyond the call of duty to perform the task.  With Ren…this was beyond everything.  He was doing more than was required of him and all he received for it was abuse and torment. 

Abuse…was that what this was?  Was that what it was called?  No, it couldn’t be.  Hux didn’t want to attach that word to himself.  There were too many implications.  Too much he didn’t want to associate himself with.  Hux took a break from speaking and sat back against the wall of the cave.  If he did his best and he was blamed for things beyond his control, was that abuse?  As a leader he was responsible for everyone’s failings if they happened, and that wasn’t abuse at all.  This though, in his gut it felt different.  As if it were something sicker, more intimate than taking responsibility for underlings. 

“I found it.  That girl had it stitched into her scarf.  You can stop,” said Ren, bounding back into the cave. 

Hux started, looking up at him fretfully.  He didn’t want to provoke the knight but he had to ask, “Are you certain it’s what we were meant to find?” 

“It has to be.  I can feel it,” said Ren.  He held the object up for Hux to see.  It looked exactly like the one he had found before.  An old piece of technology, the same shape and colour as the other.  They would have to get it back to the _Finalizer_ to try it.  Hux doubted the thing would be compatible with the shuttle’s more up-to-date tech.  Ren approached and knelt by him, “I wouldn’t have thought to look without you.” 

So Ren had blamed him when things were bad, but the second they were good again the knight was all sweetness and gentleness.  Ren didn’t even seem to notice the change.  There was no acknowledgement of it, no apology or mention of blame.  When Hux didn’t respond right away, Ren reached out and cupped his cheek, “Hey…are you alright?  They didn’t hurt you, did they?” 

“I want to go home,” said Hux bluntly, “I smell like gore, I feel sick, and I’m tired.  We have the artifact, now can we go home?” 

There was no immediate reply, which could only mean a refusal.  Ren wasn’t going to let him go home, not yet.  Hux furrowed his brows, trying to make a case, “We need to test it.  The _Finalizer_ would be the best place.  The Supreme Leader will want us back as soon as possible.” 

Ren paused before apologetically refusing, “We can send him a message.  I don’t think we should go right away.  Just two nights, and then we can go back.  You don’t want your men seeing you like this, do you?” 

He had a point.  He was a snivelling wreck.  He did need time to compose himself but…he could do that on the shuttle, couldn’t he?  There was no point to staying except…except for Ren to finally…and if that was going to happen, he would prefer somewhere far from the shuttle, far from his ship and far from his rooms.  Somewhere it could happen and he would never have to look around and remember it. 

Hux looked away and Ren reached down to pull at his arms, “It’s okay, it’s over, let’s get you somewhere safe.” 

Hux let Kylo drag him up.  He was beginning to notice that the whole front of his body hurt.  He was probably going to be bruised from being pulled along the ground.  It was nothing that bacta couldn’t fix, but it was still a hindrance, and he would have to look at all the damage later.  Ren hooked an arm around his back and picked him up, using another arm to support him under his knees.  Hux didn’t have the strength or the mental energy to fight against it.  He let Ren have his way and allowed himself to be carried. 

“Are there animals already?” asked Hux. 

“Near the bodies?  Yeah, I saw some of those dog things nearby.  If anyone finds the bones they’ll be chewed up so badly that nobody should be able to detect the plasma burns.  And even if they do, I think we’ve kept a decent cover,” explained Ren, holding Hux closely as he walked slowly, careful not to slip on any of the frosty stones, “There’s no way anyone will believe a blaster cut anyone like that, and nobody saw my saber.” 

Hux nodded and held onto Ren’s shoulders, feeling extremely insecure with the ground beneath them being unstable.  Ren seemed to enjoy the attention, pausing to nuzzle against Hux, “For someone who never goes on missions, you did well, really.” 

Just minutes ago Ren had been screaming that any failure would be his fault.  Hux couldn’t believe a word he said.  He was distracted from that for a moment as the metallic, bloody smell got stronger.  Involuntarily he gripped Ren tighter when he smelled it.  The knight shushed him, “It’s alright…I’ve made it so they can’t detect us.  They’re more interested in eating an easy meal anyways.  We’ll slip past and get to the shuttle.  This is the quickest way…you were leading them, weren’t you.” 

“I was setting a trap,” explained Hux, “I thought you were dead.” 

“I got knocked down,” said Ren. 

Knocked down…knocked out?  Hux spoke quietly, “Wait…you fell down a ravine.  How are you still…?” 

“I’m using a lot of power to keep myself upright and moving.  When we get to the shuttle, I’m going to need a lot of bacta.  Probably more than bacta.  There’s probably a doctor in the city,” reasoned Ren, “So…do you think you can fly?” 

Hux conceded, “If you need a doctor right away, a city is the best place.  But if their technology is the same as that village, we’re going to the nearest planet with a decent hospital.  Is that clear?” 

The look on Ren’s face told Hux that it wasn’t.  He obviously didn’t want to go back.  After a moment though he relented, “If there’s no doctor we’ll have to.” 

If Ren was giving in to practicality than his injuries must have been serious.  It was a miracle that his limbs hadn’t been broken in the fall.  How he could make himself move, Hux had no idea.  The armour he wore would have provided some padding, but not enough to fully protect him.  Had he hit his head?  Nobody could sense him, so he must have been asleep.  In any case, this was one more demonstration of the limitless amount of power Ren seemed to possess.  What should have killed a normal person had only hindered him for a while. 

They reached the shuttle and Hux caught sight of his blaster, still mounted and pointing downwards.  He pressed at Ren’s shoulder, “Go lie down, I need to pack that up.  We can’t leave evidence of First Order activity.” 

Ren let him down and conceded, “I’ll be watching.”

He probably meant that he would be looking out for wild animals, but Hux couldn’t help but interpret the statement differently.  In addition to the more perverted watching Ren did, constant surveillance meant he couldn’t run away or plan an ambush.  Any chance of getting away was hindered by Ren’s watching.  Just how injured was he though?  He could carry Hux several hundred meters over rocky terrain, but he still claimed to be injured enough to need medical care.  Was that a ruse?  It could be, but a fall that serious was sure to cause injuries that would need immediate attention. 

At this point, Hux was so wound up he couldn’t deduce what was a lie and what was the honest truth anymore. 

He put the Assassin away and took the tripod apart, careful to make sure any marks that it had left in the soil and rock were obscured or dusted away.  When he finished, it was as if nothing had happened.  And yet, something had happened.  Masha was dead.  Hux didn’t particularly care for the young man or the Jedi, but the fact that Masha was dead bothered him.  He couldn’t explain it.  It went beyond killing a civilian and causing alarm in the town. 

Something about her death felt wrong to him.  He supposed this was why it wasn’t good to get to know the enemy.  When the enemy stopped being some faceless idea or monster, it became harder to fight because it was harder to hate.  Masha had spoken with him, been kind to him.  It might have all been a ruse, but she’d seemed like the only one who’d cared even a little about him.  Now she was dead.  That was supposed to be a good thing.  She had sided with the Resistance, so that alone warranted capital punishment.  It didn’t feel good though.  Hux wasn’t happy about the idea of her corpse being torn apart by wild animals on some far away mountain the way he was glad when a Resistance ship was blown out of the sky.  This hurt, and he couldn’t understand it exactly. 

Boarding the shuttle he found Ren in the co-pilot’s seat, shakily trying to unfasten his robes and armour.  He’d already placed a med kit on the dashboard and had picked out several pain killing medicines and patches.  When he’d managed to reveal a few patches of skin, Hux could see obvious, extreme bruising, which probably meant broken bones as well.  He stared for a moment as Ren, hissing with every slow, jerking movement of his arms tried to get at a bottle of pills. 

It was strange to see Ren weak and in pain like this.  Normally he seemed invulnerable, untouchable.  For all his struggling, Hux had never been able to put a scratch on him.  Now he wasn’t just hurt, he was nearly incapacitated.  The knight was flinching and wincing every time he moved and yet…even now Hux wasn’t sure he could best him.  As long as Ren was awake and he had the Force, Hux knew he didn’t stand a chance. 

He got into the pilot’s seat and prepared for take off.  He checked the navigation systems for the nearest city and mumbled to himself, “If we hurry we can be there soon.” 

“Good,” growled Ren, ripping the top off the bottle with his teeth, unable to gain complete command over his fingers.  Were they broken?  Hux wasn’t certain, but his right hand had completely swelled up. 

“How are you-” Hux began. 

“I can heal, remember?  I can also numb pain enough to make myself move, but I've used a lot of energy and it's getting harder to keep the pain away,” Ren snapped, “Now either help me or hurry!” 

Hux was very, very tempted to cut the engines just to spite him. 


	39. Make way for the soldiers bride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speaking from experience, aces are terrible drivers too. 
> 
> Looking back on the first few chapters, if I'd known I would be writing this story for this long and what it would become for me, I would have given it a much more serious tone. Also those minifics weren't sustainable, and I really regret starting something I couldn't keep up with. 
> 
> I'll do my best to give this fic a proper ending, but I'm probably going to take another break in May for exams.

When he saw the city Hux had to stifle a gasp.  It was massive, nothing like the little gathering of wooden buildings.  At first he was stunned by the sight of metals and concrete.  He had to slow his craft almost immediately because of the heavy traffic.  There was an incredible, stark difference between the rural and urban areas that immediately explained why there were no young people left.  They had moved on to the comfort, convenience and wonder of a new city to either make a name for themselves or disappear into. 

Nearly getting clipped by a speeder, Hux slowed down again.  He had actually never piloted in traffic before.  He had piloted crafts into formation for simulator exercises, and of course through the vast openness of space, but not like this.  He clutched the controls, his eyes constantly darting about as he looked for something that might resemble a hospital and tried desperately not crash into anyone.  He could follow the flow, but when he tried to make a turn several alarms sounded and a speeder pulled alongside, the rider signaling for him to land by pointing angrily at the ground. 

Hux sighed and did as he was told, once again lowering the gangplank.  He looked at Ren, “Something happened.  I’ll take care of it.” 

Ren nodded, but seemed to either be about to burst into tears or tear his throat out for delaying his treatment.  Hux dashed out the back where a woman in a uniform he’d never seen before was waiting for him.  She launched into a speech in Hathan which caused Hux to raise his hands in surrender and ask, “Standard?” 

The woman rolled her eyes and continued in an exasperated tone, “You went through a stop signal, and you were breaking the speed limit.” 

“Please, I’m not from here and there’s an injured man in the shuttle.  I need to get him to a hospital,” pleaded Hux. 

“You still went above the limit.  If you’re in that much trouble you should have called a medical service,” said the woman, who must have been with some sort of police or traffic enforcement, “I’ll escort you to a hospital, and then we’ll figure out what to do with you.  Deal?” 

“Yes, of course,” said Hux.  He could handle this once Ren was taken care of. 

“Alright, no funny business,” the woman warned him. 

Hux dashed back to the controls and waited for her to mount her speeder.  He looked at Ren, “She’s showing us where to go.  It shouldn’t be long now.” 

Ren groaned out a reply and balled his hands into fists, “I can’t keep it under control much longer… hurry.”

The only thing he could do was follow at the pace the woman in front of him was setting.  He felt better having someone to follow instead of flying aimlessly while trying not to get hit by anything.  Now he just had to concentrate on moving as smoothly as possible without disturbing Ren and making him angrier.  It was likely just a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity before the speeder landed and Hux could follow suit. 

He turned to Ren, “We’re here.  Can you stand?” 

“No,” growled the knight, “I’m at my limit.” 

Hux opened the back hatch and called out, “He’s hurt badly.  I need help!” 

The woman nodded and spoke into a com device.  In an instant there were two men coming out of a nearby building with a stretcher along with the first droid Hux had seen since he had arrived.  His jaw dropped slightly at the sight of it, but he quickly gathered his wits and called, “He’s in here.” 

The woman arched her brow as she peered inside, watching the men who must have been hospital staff and the droid lift a howling Kylo onto the stretcher.  The droid began to administer something and began to furiously beep out its assessment, which didn’t sound good at all.  One of the men said something to the droid, which replied with a series of tones that Hux could actually understand as a list of medicines and treatments. 

“What happened?” asked the woman. 

It was then that Hux realized he would need a cover story.  Thankfully there was nothing in the shuttle that suggested his affiliations, but he wasn’t a spy.  He could lie, but he wasn’t confident that he could tell an elaborate one with few inconsistencies.  He tried to explain, “We went climbing and he slipped and fell down a cliff.  I don’t know how he survived.” 

“You were taking a vacation?” asked the woman.  Hux nodded and she sighed, “I understand your worry, and that you didn’t know all the regulations, but you were really reckless back there.  We need to follow the rules, you know?” 

Hux knew that better than most and nodded again.  He watched as Kylo was carried out and looked down at the woman, who he hadn’t realized was a great deal shorter than himself, “Is there a fine?” 

“I’ll fine you fifty credits for reckless piloting, then you should go take care of your boyfriend.  If I catch you again, then I’m fining you the full amount.  Can we agree on that?” asked the woman.  

His boy… If it was going to get him out of having to make up more lies and get this woman away from the shuttle, then Hux would take it.  The trouble was that this woman might ask him to prove his identity, which he couldn’t do.  He supposed the plan had been for him to rely on Kylo’s abilities, the Force probably had a solution for this, but now he couldn’t handle it on his own.  He went along with the ploy that had been written for him.  He was overwhelmed and his boyfriend was injured. “It’s a deal.  I’m…I’m sorry is there somewhere I can send it?  I really need to be with him.” 

“That’s alright.  How about I wait with you?” offered the police woman. 

He couldn’t exactly refuse.  Hux tried to dissuade her, “You aren’t busy?” 

“It’s alright.  I’ll send a message.  Besides, I’m going to have to make a report,” she said good-naturedly.  She smiled sympathetically and put a hand on his shoulder, “You’re not going to be arrested, and you boyfriend will be fine.  Come on, let’s get inside.  There’s usually caf or tea in the waiting area.” 

Nodding, Hux allowed himself to be brought inside.  Immediately he could breathe a little easier.  The sterile, clean smell of hospitals seemed to be a universal thing.  It wasn’t much comfort, but it was familiar in a way that the polluted city air and the crisp air of the open tundra wasn’t.  Medical staff and droids wandered through what appeared to be a waiting area, occasionally stopping and calling names.  When they did, patients would stand and follow the staff or droid down a corridor. 

Hux sat down, and the policewoman went to a machine in the corner.  She pressed a series of buttons before a slot opened, producing two cups of tea.  She brought him a cup and took a seat next to him, “I’m Lana, by the way.” 

“I met someone else with that name.  Is it common?” asked Hux.  He accepted the tea that she had brought and wrapped his hands around it.  It was small, barely containing a few mouthfuls of liquid, but it was warm. 

“For women, yes,” she replied.  Looking up, she flagged a medical droid over, “Can you understand droids?  They need to get your boyfriend’s information.” 

Hux gave a nod as a droid, a BB unit, rolled over.  He’d been told that in addition to general functions, the unit was particularly adept with therapy.  It made sense to have a droid which, due to its size, shape and range of personality programs, these droids would be the ones to try to get information from people who might be in shock.  The blue and white droid rolled closer up to him and asked how he was doing. 

“Fine, thank you,” said Hux.  He knew polity was wasted on droids, but politeness to droids was a habit he picked up in childhood and had never managed to let go of. 

The droid whirred happily and rolled a little closer, nearly touching his shin as it asked his name. 

Catching himself before he could say something incriminating, Hux replied, “Fleance.” 

The droid gave an apologetic beep and asked his surname. 

He hadn’t thought of one.  What had Ren called himself?  He replied quietly, “Mathrik.” 

The BB unit let it’s ‘head’ dip down in a nod before asking Kylo’s name, to which Hux replied, “Rax Mathrik.” 

The unit asked a few more questions, medical history and allergies.  Hux answered them all, and briefly worried when he said that Ren had no allergies.  If the knight was allergic to something and died than it would be his fault…but it was an accident.  As much as Hux wanted the knight dead, the Supreme Leader would have to forgive him for making a simple mistake.  No…he wouldn’t forgive anyone who harmed his precious _apprentice_ … 

The BB unit finally asked Hux once again if he was alright.  Hux gave a nod before the droid moved closer, finally touching his shin before asking if he was aware that he had been bleeding. 

Glancing down Hux caught sight of blood on his shirt.  It must have happened when he’d been dragged on the ground.  He hadn’t noticed it at all. 

“Could you alert a nurse?” asked Lana.  She turned to Hux and asked, “What happened on the mountain?” 

“When he fell I tried to catch him.  I got pulled down and…” Hux trailed off, trying to think of a way to finish that would sound believable. 

“It’s alright, we’ll get you looked at too.  Hopefully you’ll just need some bacta strips,” said Lana. 

Hux shook his head, “We were in the country before.  I didn’t think anyone had even heard of bacta out there…” 

“Country…oh, you mean away from here.  They’re a ridiculous lot if you ask me.  They prefer to live off the land for whatever reason.  They don’t cause trouble, they don’t pay any mind to the way other people live, but it’s strange to me that there are people who love living in the freezing cold and hunting for their own meat,” explained Lana.  She waved her hand, gesturing to the waiting room, “We’re just as advanced as any other planet, as you can see.  They don't have to live in those conditions.  But for whatever reason… enough of that.  We’ll have to sit tight.  If your injuries aren’t back, then you’ll have a bit of a wait.” 

Nodding, Hux looked about.  It really was nothing like the town they had stayed in.  There wasn’t a trace of coal to be seen, and despite the warmth of the building, he couldn’t see any of the heaters that he had grown accustomed to.  Most of the people were human, but there were a few that Hux saw out of the corner of his eye who may not have been.  He supposed the main difference were the buildings themselves.  Hux had assumed that people had built dwelling with the materials that were made available to them, but he had clearly been wrong.  The hospital was nearly identical to all the others that Hux had seen. 

With that said though, the building lost all the personality that Hux had seen.  The culture had been so distinct, and each restaurant and shop had been completely different from each other.  If Hux had suddenly woken up here, he wouldn’t have been able to tell much about the planet where he had found himself. 

Lana leaned over, trying to peer down his shirt, “It just looks speckled.  Have you checked it?” 

Hux glanced down at his shirt.  He hadn’t been gushing blood.  It looked more like someone had flicked brownish-red paint over his shirt.  Hux undid the top button and glanced down.  He was bruised and scraped, but he wasn’t terribly injured.  It was nothing that he wouldn’t be able to make a swift recovery from.  He could have been…

The thought brought him back to the mountain with the bodies that had been cut to pieces.  Scavengers had already started to pick at them.  Perhaps by now there was barely anything left of them.  Just a few hours ago, Hux had been speaking with them.  Masha had been pleading for a little leniency.  The Jedi had shown him some understanding.  Berim had even cut him loose when Kylo approached.  It wasn’t the greatest kindness, but Hux remembered it. 

They were dead, and he would never see them again.  They were gone and Hux wouldn’t even be allowed to stand over them as he processed those facts.  Death had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember.  Growing up in a lab in a military complex, he knew that people died all the time.  Year after year he’d received death notices for his own siblings.  He’d even killed people with his own two hands.  He hadn’t thought that death could shock him anymore.  But it had been so…so brutal.  They hadn’t been in uniform.  He’d never seen people in civilian clothes cut up like that before. 

And Ren…Ren had blamed him for the whole thing.  Despite his professed love, the knight was still out for his own self-interest and he was incapable of accepting blame.  If something went horribly wrong, he couldn’t count on Ren to be loyal to him.  If the world started crashing down around them, Ren wasn’t going to protect him.  Against outside forces perhaps, but if a mission failed or if a battle was lost, Ren wouldn’t hesitate to pin all of the blame on him. 

And what could he do about it?  Ren was clearly the favorite and was more likely to be believed.  The Supreme Leader wanted Hux in power, but that power was a gift that could easily be snatched away if too many failures befell them.  Then what?  Demotion, humiliation, and worst of all, more vulnerability.  It was the third that would be the worst.  His rank afforded him protection from everything that wasn’t Kylo Ren.  If that was taken away, he would have to deal with Ren and abuse from everyone who outranked him.  He couldn’t…he wouldn’t go back to that.  He needed the Supreme Leader’s favor, and he needed it badly.  He had to be the dog that the master would guard from all the other beasts that roamed about. 

The BB unit rolled over again and asked Hux to follow him.  He stood up and looked at Lana.  The policewoman smiled, “I’ll be here.  I’ll give you directions on how to pay your fine when you’re finished.” 

Hux gave an awkward nod and followed the droid.  It rolled down the hall, whirring out orders for Mr. Mathrik to follow him to his examination room.  With a series of beeps, it also volunteered to find a protocol droid to translate if Hux needed.  With another not, Hux followed it into a room that had been curtained off.  A doctor pointed to an examination table and Hux could only assume that he was being asked to sit down.  As soon as the BB unit confirmed his suspicion, Hux sat and began to undo his shirt buttons. 

The doctor said something and the BB unit sped off.  Hux watched as the doctor held his hands out under a machine that sprayed a sort of sanitizing fluid over them.  He then put on a pair of gloves and went over to Hux.  His tone was reassuring, but until the droid arrived, Hux had no idea what the man was saying. 

Gently, he guided Hux’s hands to his sides to expose his chest.  Hux had never felt embarrassed during physical exams before.  Now something had changed.  He didn’t want anyone else looking at him, even if it was for a completely objective reason.  He didn’t like the idea that this man might take some sort of pleasure in the situation, as unlikely as that was. 

The doctor muttered to himself and retrieved a swab and a container of what Hux assumed was bacta.  When the protocol droid finally inched its way into the room with its stiff legs, the doctor finally had translated, “Doctor Leo says that he needs your permission before he can administer treatment.” 

“Did he ask- my boyfriend’s permission as well?” asked Hux. 

The droid translated the reply, “He was unable to communicate, so your consent sufficed in his stead.  Will you accept the treatment?” 

“Yes, it’s fine,” said Hux, “Thank you.” 

The droid perked up slightly at that, “Why, you’re most welcome Master Mathrik!  Not everyone is polite to droids, you know.” 

Hux arched his brow and gave an uneasy nod.  Protocol droids in the First Order were programmed to have as little personality as possible.  It was strange to have a droid want to linger and interact with someone that showed it basic human decency.  Receiving no further contact, the droid retreated to a corner of the room as the doctor gave further instruction.  The droid translated, “Please fully remove your shirt for further examination and treatment.” 

Those instructions were bound to come eventually, though Hux had not been looking forward to them.  It was so strange.  He’d fully undressed for physicals before.  He’d lived in dorms where any of his fellows who walked in could catch him in a state of nakedness.  That had never bothered him in the past.  A naked body was just that, a body that happened to be made fully visible.  Now his own nudity was humiliating and disturbing to him.  He didn’t want to be seen, but if he kept himself covered, it would be harder to have his injuries treated. 

Fully unbuttoning his shirt, he shrugged it and his coat off of his shoulders, letting them fall onto the exam table behind him.  The doctor leaned in and had a closer look.  Hux was suddenly hyper-aware with everything wrong or possibly erotic about his body.  What did the doctor think of his thinness?  Of how pale he was?  Ren would fixate on his collarbone and his nipples.  Had the doctor noticed them, or had he remained objective in spite of Hux’s paranoia? 

It seemed more and more to be the later.  The doctor dipped his swab in bacta and applied it to Hux’s chest and stomach with quick, light strokes.  There was no lingering or teasing with the movements, though despite that Hux still found himself shuddering as chills ran down his spine.  His injuries were superficial, so they didn’t take very long to treat.  In almost no time all of his scrapes and bruises were gone, leaving fresh, healed skin in their place with no trace of a scar. 

The doctor mumbled something for the droid to translate, “He’s finished.  You may redress, Mr. Mathrik.” 

“I’d like to see my…boyfriend, if possible” said Hux, the word still an uncomfortable fit in his mouth. 

The droid translated and the doctor pointed towards the curtained off section of the room.  Hux looked over and felt himself go pale.  Ren had been in the room the whole time?  He hadn’t felt anything at all.  Was that a good thing?  At any rate, he needed Ren to sort out this thing with the police before she started asking for papers. 

“We need to speak with the woman who was with me.  Is it alright if she comes in?” asked Hux. 

When the droid finished translating the doctor nodded.  The droid happily added, “If you require further assistance, do not hesitate to call on me, Mr. Mathrik.  My designation is C4-02.”  

“Thank you, I will,” replied Hux. 

There was no sense in prolonging this.  He would have to face Ren and sort everything out.  First the police, and then the fact that Ren had been so ready to blame him.  If he could, he needed to curb that.  He couldn’t have Ren destroying his career. 

He stood, buttoning his shirt back up and leaving his jacket, at least for the moment.  For the first time in days he was in a building that was warm enough that he felt he didn’t need it.  His nerves made him a bit ridiculous, as he tried to knock on the curtain before drawing it back.  Finding that didn’t work, he pulled it back just enough to peer around it. 

And found Ren awake, alert, and looking him in the eyes. 

“…how long were you listening?” asked Hux quietly.  

“Long enough to know that doctor embarrassed you,” replied Kylo haughtily. 

“I was being foolish, he didn’t do anything wrong,” Hux protested, hating how meek he had become when speaking with Ren privately like this.  He tried to change the topic, “So…what happened?  How bad are your injuries?” 

“Nothing broken, just cracked,” explained Kylo, “They injected something, I forget what it was, but it’s supposed to help.” 

“How did you fall unconscious?  Was it your head?” asked Hux nervously.  If the knight had caused himself further mental damage than he had no idea how he was going to cope. 

The knight’s answer shocked him, “Who said I was unconscious?” 

Hux started, “But…they couldn’t sense you.  They thought you were dead.” 

Lana knocked on the door before walking in, “Are you both alright?” 

“W-we’ll be fine,” said Hux, faltering slightly as he tried to recover, “We…did you need his details?” 

“You were the one piloting the craft, so I really only need yours, unless the craft is in his name,” she replied, “If you can come with me, I’ll need you to show me the craft’s registration.” 

“You don’t need to see it,” said Kylo sharply, moving his fingers slightly before tapping them against the sheets. 

Lana started before to Hux’s astonishment, she repeated, “I don’t need to see it.” 

He had suspected that Ren had this sort of power, but this was his first time witnessing it.  Lana had gone…completely dead-eyed, like she was had lost all control of her mind.  Ren further instructed, “You don’t need to report any of this.  You’re in a good mood so you’re letting us off.” 

“I don’t need to report any of this,” said Lana in a horrid, monotonous way, “I’m in a good mood, so I’m letting you off.” 

Hux stared in disbelief as the light returned to her eyes.  She blinked before smiling sweetly, “Stay out of trouble you two.  Next time you’ll get more than a warning.” 

She turned and left, leaving Hux staring after her incredulously.  Ren could…control people?  He could force them to act the way he wanted?  No, he had known that, he had just never thought it would look so horrifying.  Could Ren do that to him if he refused to comply?  No, he wanted consent…but other things.  Winning arguments or taking command from him… 

“I was never unconscious,” said Kylo, “I figured out their trick.” 

“T-trick?” stammered Hux. 

Kylo nodded, “Firstly, it took me a little time to notice, but one of them had messed with your machine.  That barmaid probably did something to it while we were at the inn to buy everyone else time.  I bet if you took it apart you’d find something wiggled out of place just enough to make finding humanoids difficult.” 

“As for falling unconscious, I never did.  They were suppressing their powers, even cutting themselves off from the Force to hide when it suited them.  When I fell, I did the same.  I was hurt, so I knew I’d need to wait.  And when I reconnected with the Force…I sensed they had hurt you,” said Kylo.  He leaned back and sighed, keeping his eyes on Hux, “I thought I could protect you, and I didn’t.” 

That was probably the closest thing to an apology that he was going to get.  Still, this was frightening.  Ren’s childishness frequently distracted from the fact that he was adept with his powers and incredibly intelligent.  Snoke would never have kept Ren on if he was like one of the weaker, barely competent Force users like Masha had been.  He kept Ren because, like Hux, he had a talent that nobody else could provide.  For Hux it was building weapons and tactics, for Ren it was something even more terrifying.  He had only needed to be exposed to the rebel’s abilities before he’d learned their technique and used it against them. 

Hux tried to bring up the part that bothered him most, “When you killed them you blamed me.” 

Ren immediately went on the defensive, “If you hadn’t gotten kidnapped I wouldn’t have needed to kill anyone.” 

He wasn’t going to budge.  Hux didn’t fight him on the subject as he found a stool in the corner to sit on.  Sitting quietly he asked, “Do you regret it?” 

“I…I don’t know.” 

The statement was a surprising one.  Usually Ren was perfectly happy to maul anyone who laid claim to Hux.  Those Jedi had been ready to kidnap him and try to turn him against the Order, but Ren regretted killing them.  Hux sighed.  He’d been treated well by his captors, and that had gotten to him.  In his own weakness, he felt badly about Masha’s death.  He understood that she had to die, for the good of the Order, but he wasn’t happy about it at all. 

“She was kind to me,” said Hux, “I think I understand what you mean.” 

“That man…his name was Berim, wasn’t it?” asked Ren. 

“Yes, that’s what he said,” answered Hux.  For some reason Ren seemed fixated on the young man, someone who he claimed to have never met.  Hux would have thought that the Jedi master or Masha would have affected him more.  Perhaps the knight saw something of himself in the young man that he couldn’t in an older man or a woman. 

“You…did your job well,” said Ren finally, deliberately trying to change the subject, “You managed to keep yourself alive, and I think you could have tricked them.  I…I thought you should know that.  I’m proud of you.” 

Something odd fluttered in Hux’s chest.  He wasn’t accustomed to praise like this.  Good work was expected of him, so praise was pointless.  The only times he had been praised was when he had done something extraordinary, and rightly so.  It was strange, but this was the first time he had ever been told by anyone that they were _proud_ of him. 

And to make matters worse, he _liked_ it. 

“I’m proud of you,” Ren repeated, “You managed to fix everything in the end.  I’ll tell the Supreme Leader, I’ll let him know what you did to help in the mission.” 

This was probably the closest he was going to get to Ren trying to make up with him.  Hux nodded and crossed his arms over his chest, “We’re in the clear for now.  So…what are we supposed to do?  Can you leave?” 

“Between whatever’s inside me and my powers, soon I hope,” said Ren.  He moved his arm, testing it, “I’m lucky the bones were only cracked.” 

So he could have died, and pure dumb luck had saved him.  It was strange to think that Ren could actually be stopped by something as natural as a fall from a high place.  His mortality was emboldening, but not enough to make Hux try something stupid.  Ren looked at him, “You could go have a look around.  We’ll need a place to stay.” 

“We should just go home…” said Hux quietly. 

“I need time to recover and…I need to thank you,” said Ren, glancing down and chewing on his lip again, “The missions over.  You promised.” 

It was over.  Hux had barely thought about what that meant for him and his awful relationship with Ren.  He’d promised when the mission was over, he’d convinced Ren not to make a move before then, now…now all that was left was to go through with it.  The knight was adamant about keeping promises, and Hux knew if he backed out Ren would do something drastic.  Even in his hospitalized state the knight would be able to overpower him.  He could pick him up, asphyxiate him, grope him, all without lifting a finger. 

He’d promised, it was over, he was cornered.  It had to happen, he knew for days that it was going to.  Perhaps…perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad.  There was coercion involved, but he could convince himself that part of this was his choice.  It was to make Ren more docile, it was for the safety of his career and his crew.  There were so many good reasons to go through with it.  Yes, that was it.  If he kept refusing and being childish about it he was going to cause more harm than good.  The Supreme Leader wanted this from him, possibly for him.  Sex did have health benefits if done safely.  And…the whole idea of virginity was a backwards social construct.  Cultures across the galaxy all had different definitions for it.  It was an idea that ultimately meant _nothing_ , so giving it up should likewise mean nothing. 

It meant nothing.  Hux concentrated on that.  It was just the best move he could make given the position he was in.  It meant nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  He just needed to stop being a frightened child and let it happen. 

“Hey, why not…why not bring your datapad over?  I think there’s a charge port here,” said Kylo, gesturing to where the wall. 

On closer inspection it was a charging point.  Hux just needed to be close to it and his datapad would start to regain a charge.  He walked over and Ren, grunting in pain, moved aside so he could make room for Hux to sit.  The knight suggested, “If you use the holonet we can look at hotels.” 

Hux nodded.  It was probably a good idea to know what his surroundings would be like beforehand.  It would make the whole thing less foreign to him.  He sat beside Ren and the knight reached over, tapping on the screen with his finger instead of a stylus until he found what he was looking for.  He spoke quietly, “Let me know what you think.  I know you want this to be special.” 

“Any room is fine,” mumbled Hux. 

“No, it should be perfect for you,” insisted Ren.  He selected a room, one that was so insanely extravagant that Hux couldn’t help but think of how many meals he could provide a starving planet for the same price.  Could Ren even afford…?  No, of course he could.  The Supreme Leader was the First Order’s primary source of funds, so he probably gave his apprentice a hefty allowance.  It was gilded with gold and all of the furniture was made of striking reds.  Hux supposed it looked like the rooms where princes and princesses lived in the stories that the cleaning women would tell groups of children to pass time during sieges. 

Hux looked down, not wanting to make eye contact either as he asked, “Will you use a protector?” 

The knight remained silent.  Hux didn’t like that response.  In every health class he had taken his instructors emphasized using a protector not just as a guard against unwanted pregnancy, but in order to prevent diseases from spreading.  More than that, at least it would provide some sort of barrier between them and make the wretched intimacy of the whole thing a little more tolerable.  Hux tried to insist, “You _are_ going to use one, aren’t you?” 

“It’s okay, I’m clean, and you’re a virgin, so we don’t need to,” said Ren in a way that sounded very, very final.  Hux was about to argue, but he was quickly interrupted, “It feels better without them.  You wouldn’t like how it feels.  It’s made of a kind of rubber, the texture doesn’t feel good at all.  You’re new to this, so you probably didn’t know.  There’s a reason why people are always looking for excuses not to use them.” 

His instructors had never talked about making sex feel good, they’d just talked about health and safety.  Ren might be telling him the truth.  Men in particular always seemed annoyed with having to use a protector.  Maybe they were uncomfortable.  Kylo wrapped an arm around his waist, “I promise its safe.  I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“If you’re certain…” replied Hux. 

“I’ll take care of it all.  As soon as we’re finished here, I’ll take care of everything,” promised Ren, “I’ll make it special for you.” 

“I’ll just…I’ll wait then,” concluded Hux quietly, “I don’t think I should pilot here anymore.” 

Ren smiled fondly at him, “No.  You’d think you’d never flown in heavy traffic before.  It was…sweet, to see you worried about me.” 

He’d never flown in heavy traffic before, and that was really the sole reason he’d gotten into trouble.  Hux wasn’t about to start an argument though.  For now…he needed to get ready.  Kylo Ren wasn’t going to want to wait any longer than he already had. 


	40. Here Come the Lights I must be Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super sorry for the delay. When I tried to post this morning A03 was having technical difficulties.

There was absolutely no avoiding it now. 

Hux had a few stray, wild thoughts about poisoning Ren or trying to smother him, but it wouldn’t work.  The Supreme Leader would _know._   If he killed Ren, his own life would be forfeit, and though this was horrible, agonizing and humiliating, it wasn’t a hill that Hux was willing to die on.  He could do this.  It would be an hour of discomfort and then it would be over.  The threat of pain was always worse than the pain itself as the mind wound itself up and braced itself for the worst tortures it could imagine.  But he could do this.  He could bear it, and then he could go home.  He wouldn’t be able to fend Ren off every time anymore, his virginity had been his best excuse for postponing sex and now he was about to lose it, but their schedules and duties would ensure that Hux would at least be able to make delays until the time was more favorable. 

He’d done everything he could.  Now all he could do was sit in the sterile waiting room and wait for Kylo to be discharged.  He helped himself to tea, and plenty of it.  He hadn’t known he was a nervous eater or drinker, but then again, food wasn’t something that was readily available to him.  If he wanted it, he had to go to the mess like everyone else and received the same portion everyone else received.  It was strange that the moment he suddenly had unlimited tea, he was binging on it.  Or perhaps it wasn’t so strange.  Preventing binges like this was part of the reason for everything being rationed. 

He didn’t feel like crying at all.  He’d cried and begged before, so now it just wasn’t coming.  All he could do was wait and distract himself with the small selection of teas that were available.  It was so odd that he didn’t want to cry.  He had lost.  He was about to suffer the ultimate degradation at the hands of the man he hated the most, but he couldn’t cry.  Part of him wanted to, but the tears just wouldn’t come. 

“Ah!  Master Mathrik!  I am glad to see you well!” 

C4-O2 appeared around a corner, his stiff arm lifted in salutation as he move along with quick, jerking steps.  Hux cupped the vessel full of tea between his hands, keeping them warm as he replied, “I’m fine, thank you.  Has something happened?” 

“Your husband is recovering at an astounding rate!  We believe he might be discharged in a few hours.  Nobody has seen bone heal so quickly before!” the droid reported enthusiastically, “Frankly sir, it’s astounding!” 

Hux nodded and took another sip of tea.  Ren could heal himself with his powers, but Hux hadn’t thought healing bone was possible.  Unless…was Supreme Leader Snoke helping him somehow?  Hux had no idea how far the Force could travel, so at the moment, everything seemed like it was conspiring against him. 

“Master Mathrik, are you well?” asked the droid. 

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you,” Hux repeated, finishing off his little cup of tea and debating whether he wanted another one or not.  Should he have another one?  He was fairly certain he was violating some social custom by helping himself over and over again. 

The droid lingered.  It seemed to enjoy being talked to.  Protocol droids with personalities were notorious for getting attached to beings that spoke with them.  He might not want to cry, but he didn’t want to talk either.  What could he say?  My boyfriend is going to rape me, please help?  That wouldn’t solve anything.  It would just make Ren furious and it would make things worse for himself in turn.  Instead he sighed out, “I’m nervous.” 

“Your husband is in excellent condition, please don’t worry Master Mathrik,” assured the droid. 

Briefly, he considered telling the droid he was going to have sex for the first time.  Being in a medical facility the droid was probably equipped to give advice on how to have sex safely.  It might even give him some protectors, if this medical facility was anything like the ones Hux was used to.  Perhaps if he offered Ren one before they…started, then the knight might comply, since Hux would be showing he was willing and interested in what happened between them.  If he held out a protector and said ‘please’ Ren might change his mind. 

Would it be rape in that case?  Hux was saying yes, he was willing to give Ren protection.  It was coerced, he didn’t want this to happen, but he was still consenting.  If he were to bring his own case before the law, he knew these details would be used against him and could completely destroy his own defense.  But if this wasn’t rape, what was it?  This thing that felt so humiliating but had no clear label to identify it. 

He shouldn’t think about it.  He should focus on getting protectors. 

“I’m…we need protectors.  Do you know where I can get them?” asked Hux. 

“We do give them upon request, however they may not be to your specifications.  You’ll find a variety of them at a pharmacy or apothecary.  Is it quite urgent, sir?” C2-O4 asked in turn. 

Specifications?  Did the droid mean size or allergies?  The protectors they had on hand to give away for free were probably made for an average person, so if someone had certain needs they might not be able to accommodate.  Ren, from what Hux recalled, was larger than average, so there was no point in giving him a protector that would break or wouldn’t fit.  Ren might even take one look at them and say he could never use the ones Hux had, and thus wouldn't use one at all.  

“Is the pharmacy nearby?” asked Hux. 

“Yes, it’s the small building on the right, just outside.  I hope you find what you are looking for,” said the droid. 

Hux grimaced and stood up.  It was something to do, and something that might make him less vulnerable.  It felt good to have a sort of mission and not passively wait to submit to his fate.  Getting an idea of the culture of the city might be a good idea as well, since everything seemed so different from the rural town.  He’d also never bought protectors before.  He’d received a few in the academy at the end of their sexual education unit.  They all had.  Their instructors were well aware of what went on when they weren’t looking and at the very least didn’t want the cadets spreading diseases or dropping out due to unwanted pregnancy. After that, they were issued.  Hux knew there was no sense in banning sex, the crew were going to do it anyways, so they might as well give them the means to conduct themselves safely.  

The protectors that had been given out weren’t of the best quality, Hux supposed.  They needed to be mass-produced and were given for free.  Being curious, he had opened one and found it…slimy, with a sort of substance on the inside that was meant to kill sperm.  The rubber that had been used wasn’t unpleasant to touch, but then he’d never had it fixed tightly against the most sensitive skin on his body.  Ren could be telling the truth, and if he was then Hux didn’t want to cause himself more pain by having something with a bad texture inside him.  It stood to reason that if cheap protectors were uncomfortable, there might be some sort of luxury version that would feel better. 

With something of a purpose, Hux felt emboldened as he stepped out of the medical center.  Almost instantly he clasped a hand over his mouth and nose.  He must have been too stressed to notice before, but the air was positively foul.  He could smell exhaust from fuel engines, dust and chemicals all wafting through the air.  The country air had been clean to an alien degree, but this was possibly worse.  Air on Star Destroyers might have been stagnant, but at least it was filtered. 

He wondered if he might be able to buy some sort of mask for himself.  Nothing high tech, he didn’t need the atmosphere changed, just for pollutants to be filtered out.  In the meantime, his scarf would have to do.  Hux wrapped it around the lower half of his face and if nothing else it helped with the smell. 

The walk to the pharmacy was a mercifully short one.  Glancing about he saw a touch panel to open the doors and was grateful to see one again.  It was a hopeful little sign that he would be going home soon, back to his few creature comforts and controlled environment.  Inside the store was much like the hospital; crisp, clean, and well organized.  Unfortunately, Hux couldn’t read any of the aisles that had been labeled.  Thankfully he had his datapad, and holding it up he could get a decent translation of what sort of things were kept in which section of the store. 

Looking at the translation he arched his brow.  Obviously this was going to be more difficult than he imagined, unless this place really did sell ‘Elastic Jettisons.’ 

Perhaps if he looked about on his own he might have more luck.  Sometimes there were pictures on packages, or instructions on the side or back or even on a label.  He was fairly certain he could recognize a picture of a protector if he saw one.  Passing a few aisles he saw rows of bottles and knew that couldn’t be them.  Accidentally, he caught the eye of a man who was wondering about.  Hux ducked his head and quickly made to walk away. 

The man called after him and Hux glanced back, waving a hand in front of his face, trying to gesture that he couldn’t speak.  To his surprise the man switched to perfect Basic and repeated, “Can I help you find something?” 

He was offering, and this was a pharmacy, so it wasn’t as if Hux was asking something rude.  He felt a slight flush to his face as he replied, “Protectors?” 

“Yes, this way,” said the man. 

Hux followed and was grateful that this man was young.  His hair was black, but a little bit of yellow at the roots indicated that he was a natural blond.  Being a little shorter than Hux, it was the first thing that the General happened to notice.  He hoped his own dye job was holding up and that no telltale red was peeking through. 

The man pointed to a shelf of boxes and asked, “Anything specific?” 

Steeling himself, Hux asked, “Large ones?” 

The man arched his brow at that.  He probably thought Hux was overestimating.  The redhead groaned slightly and added, “They aren’t for me.  I need large ones.” 

The man gave a slight shrug, as if to say he never implied anything and walked Hux to the farther end of the shelf.  He asked, “Does he have allergies to any materials?” 

Hux had no idea, so he figured he wouldn’t err on the side of caution.  If Ren got a rash from this it would serve him right, “No.” 

“Then these ones are best.  Durable.  Won’t break,” advised the man, pulling a box from the shelf, “Does he need lubricant?” 

Hux…hadn’t thought that far ahead.  Ren had mentioned stretching and oils, so if he was going to make this less painful for himself, having oil would help.  He also thought back to his health classes and added, “Spermicide as well?” 

The man arched his brow, not understanding him.  Hux spoke into his datapad and turned the volume down so the whole shop wouldn’t hear him.  The datapad monotonously said something in Hathan and the man only arched his brow higher.  He puzzled over the word, mouthing it before a look of realization flashed in his eyes.  He grabbed a tube from the other side of the aisle, “This should work.” 

He handed them both off to Hux, who hid them both under his arm in case anyone saw him.  It wasn’t as if anyone would know him, but he hated the feeling of being judged.  The man led him to another section of the store and pointed to a series of tubes, “There’s lots.  Depends on what you like.  Do you need plain or something…else.” 

“Plain,” said Hux bluntly.  He didn’t want to think of what ‘something else’ entailed, “That’s everything.” 

“Alright, just come this way,” said the man. 

Hux arched his brow slightly as he followed, “You speak basic?” 

“Everyone learns basic in school,” explained the man. 

“I was somewhere else before.  Not many people did,” Hux elaborated. 

The man snorted, “Oh, you were one of _those_ places.  Are they popular with visitors now?” 

Hux decided to stick with his story, “We came to climb a mountain, so…” 

“I guess that is the best place for it,” agreed the man as he moved behind a counter and began scanning the items, “But they’re all a bit crazy out there.  Following an old way.” 

Hux pressed a little further, “What is the old way?” 

“Jedi way,” said the man bluntly, “Or what’s left of it.  I don’t think they even realize.” 

Hux continued to ask, “So, this place is related to the Jedi?” 

“A long, long time ago, yes.  But they all went away, but people kept that lifestyle, even if they can’t use the Force.  I’m not sure they even know why they do it.  Maybe they just think it's tradition,” said the man as he finished scanning everything.  To Hux’s relief he put everything in an opaque bag, “You alright?  You know nobody will judge.  Everybody does it.” 

Hux gave a nod and fumbled for his wallet, “You’re right, I guess I’m just being silly.” 

   ***  

He found a coffee shop, deciding he didn’t want to go back to Ren any time soon.  He couldn’t leave the planet.  The Supreme Leader would find him eventually if he tried to run, and desertion wasn’t a crime that was taken lightly by the First Order.  Leaving would be signing his own death warrant, but that didn’t mean that he had to rush to Ren’s side.  He could take his time, enjoying a few precious hours of freedom before Ren was able-bodied again.  It was a shame that Ren’s mind wasn’t incapacitated as well.  Without the knight’s powers, Hux knew if he could just get close enough… 

Though the coffee smelled good enough, he decided to stick with a clear, broth soup that was on the menu.  It was likely to be the easiest thing on his stomach.  Between his inexperience with planetary atmospheres, a change in diet and his nerves, he was certain that he wouldn’t be able to keep anything else down.  He hadn’t eaten since…since he’d had dinner with that family.  It had been nice, though he doubted that he would be remembered.  Perhaps for a while their hunt would be town gossip, but then they would forget. 

It was strange to think they were linked to Jedi.  When Hux thought about what he had heard combined with what Ren had told him, it made sense.  Jedi lived in isolated, mostly stable environments.  Before they had lived in communities, but if the Jedi community fell into obscurity, they would have passed down their lifestyle as well as genes that passed on aptitude for using the Force.  Nobody mentioned Jedi though.  Like the man at the pharmacy said, it was so long ago that they might not even know the specifics of their history anymore.  With their lives based around survival, things like history might not have been high on the list of priorities. 

Hux sipped a spoonful of soup and found it agreed with him.  He was offered some salt and pepper, but plain was best.  It didn’t need salt and pepper seemed too luxurious.  He opened his datapad and found Ren had left the holonet window open with all of the hotels.  Thousands of credits for one night was ridiculous and unjustifiable.  He could provide meals for his soldiers, invest in weapons or buy some extra uniforms or armour.  Ren must have been from the Republic if he thought it was alright to spend ridiculous amounts of money on something as silly as a night’s sleep.  The shuttle would have been uncomfortable, but free of charge. 

But…he’d dug this hole for himself, and he supposed he might as well let Ren choose the room, provided it wasn’t paid for with First Order funds.  Hux would be perfectly ashamed of himself if he had to explain the expense at a budget meeting.  Stars, they already spent enough to cover Ren’s damages. 

He watched people walk by and the traffic flying above.  Nobody would ever know, he supposed.  Nobody but himself, Ren and the Supreme Leader.  The rest of the Galaxy would go on fearing General Hux, the rising star of the First Order, never knowing that he was also CO-1413 Hux, the man who was about to whore himself out to keep his position.  Perhaps they already thought he was a whore.  Some of the older officers undoubtedly had their theories about how he had gotten ahead so quickly. 

Did it matter if they knew?  Not really.  It was best for morale that the incident was kept quiet.  At the same time though Hux just wanted…a witness.  Someone to know that he was suffering and what was making him hurt so badly.  He felt alone and the knowledge that nobody would ever know or care about his struggle made him feel horrible.  He was alone.  Completely and utterly alone, bracing for the most horrible night of his life. 

He decided to open a strategy game, playing a few rounds against a computerized opponent.  It was a useless exercise, but just like shopping, it was something to focus on.  He didn’t want to think about Ren, or the body of a kind young woman being torn up by…no, he didn’t want to think about it. 

Briefly, he was interrupted when a waiter placed a cup of tea on his table.  Hux glanced up and said, “Sorry, I didn’t order this.” 

The waiter didn’t speak, grinning slightly as he pointed to another man by the door.  Greasy was the only word Hux could think of to describe him.  He looked like a mechanic or technician, with a black and brown stained cleaning cloth hanging out of his coat pocket.  His hair was curly and he had dark eyes, marking him as someone who stood out from all the pale skinned people Hux had seen so far.  He flashed a smile at Hux, winking and miming a quick kiss before he walked out the door.  Hux felt himself go completely red at such brazen flirting. 

It then occurred to him, Ren had never flirted with him.  He’d just decided that they were in love and Hux ought to do what he said from then on.  Hux had never wanted to be courted, or flirted with, but it was strange to think that some grease-monkey who bought him tea on a whim might genuinely care for him more than the man who was forcing his way into Hux’s bed.  The man had been…just a touch unsettling, especially with that kissing gesture, but he hadn’t touched him.  The gesture had been, for the most part, completely non-invasive. 

It was almost a shame that he was getting sick of tea.  He’d had so much at the hospital that he wasn’t in the mood for any more.  Something inside him felt strangely giddy all of the sudden.  A stranger had seen him and thought he was attractive.  It wasn’t something that Hux was accustomed to, even with all of Ren’s simpering over how pretty he was.  This felt different, but Hux couldn’t understand why.  It was still unsolicited affection, but this made him feel good while Ren made him feel disgusting. 

He had no idea why, and it bothered him.  He knew he liked praise, and the gesture was a sort of compliment on his physical appearance.  Ren complimented him all the time though.  Why did it feel good to have affection come from this stranger?  This nobody from some neutral planet who would never be of any consequence.  Did Hux want to be flirted with?  But, he didn’t like sex.  Why would he want to flirt if he didn’t want to have sex afterwards?  Sex felt good.  Hux supposed he could convince himself to do it if he needed to, but as good as it felt he didn’t want it.  The idea of it was disgusting and frightening, but he still wanted someone to find him physically appealing, it seemed. 

Now he was more confused than before. 

Not wanting anything to go to waste, Hux sipped the tea.  It was floral, whatever it was, nothing like the bitter teas he was used to and usually preferred.  It was a small comfort to have at least one pleasant surprise today.  It was as if the universe wasn’t willing to give salvation, but it hadn’t forgotten him either.  At the very least that man, whoever he was, had been nearly decent to him. 

   *** 

The ‘grease monkey’ darted out into the streets.  This planet was neutral, but he needed to take at least a little caution.  The First Order had an extensive spy network and nobody ever knew just who was working for them.  At first they thought all non-humans were safe to speak with openly, but they had quickly been proven wrong.  It seemed the right number of credits could forgive all of the injustices of the Empire and its remnants. 

Thankfully, they could be bought back, and that was why he was here.  Though unwilling to choose a side, Hathan was willing to sell fuel and supplies to either side.  Not weapons, but weapons weren’t all it took to win wars.  A lot could be said for full tanks and full bellies when morale was getting low. 

The deal had gone down and they would have their supplies, grain for making bread portions that would fill up their ration packs.  It wasn’t much, but it didn’t take much to give people hope when they were being hounded across the galaxy. 

Maybe that’s why he’d spent the extra credit to buy that man a cup of tea.  He’d seemed so miserable, so lost, like he would start crying at any second.  It wasn’t much, but maybe it had brightened his day a little bit.  He’d turned as red as a dying sun when he’d been blown a kiss, as if he'd never seen anyone do such a thing before.  It was a shame that the man couldn’t stay longer to talk or try to comfort the stranger.  He didn’t want to risk his cover, but that guy had been pretty in a waifish sort of way.  It was always a shame to see a pretty man cry. 

Ducking into an ally he snuck behind a dumpster.  He pulled an overturned garbage bin off of the ground and an orange BB unit growled its displeasure at having been trapped for so long. 

“Sorry buddy, I was busy,” the man apologized. 

The droid beeped at him accusingly and the man fumbled, “Well…just for a second.  There was this really pretty guy.” 

The droid began to roll away in a huff at being literally left by the garbage in favor of flirting with some stranger.  _‘At a time like this?  I thought you said no distractions.’_

Poe Dameron trotted to keep up with his droid, “Look I’m sorry.  I’ll make it up to you as soon as we’re out of here.  And to be fair, I just walked in and bought him tea because he looked sad.  I wasn’t even in that shop for a minute, and besides, isn’t it our job to spread a little hope around the galaxy?” 

The droid chirped out in binary, ‘ _Fine.  Just spread it when I'm not waiting in garbage next time_ …’ 


	41. Oh, love is such a killing thing! Did you ever feel the pain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right off the bat: TRIGGER WARNING FOR COERCED NON-CONSENSUAL SEX. Tags will be updated to reflect the chapter. If people want to read, but skip the part with content that makes them upset or uncomfortable, stop reading when Hux leaves the bath. 
> 
> To be honest, I seriously debated whether or not to even write this scene. Did it even need to be written? I suppose the answer is yes and no. For me, I needed to write this to deal with some dark feelings and memories. Does the story need it? Does this scene absolutely need to exist to understand the narrative? In the sense of understanding what is happening, no, but in terms of following Hux and his thoughts, this would be an important event for him and having a reader 'live' through it with him would help them understand. The scene also completely changes the dynamic between the two characters and shows a bit more of Kylo. So I figured the story needed it, but I didn't want it to feel exploitative. 
> 
> I hope I've managed that.

It was happening.  It was really happening. 

Ren was discharged and Hux was numb to everyone’s comments on a miraculous recovery.  All he could see was Ren walking towards him, beaming with unfiltered adoration in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Hux.  He didn’t need to say a word.  They’d spoken enough that Hux knew what he expected, what he wanted.  They’d bargained, and now there was no way out.  It was going to happen and there was truly nothing he could do about it. 

Being numb, he let Ren pilot.  Even knowing what was going to happen, it didn’t feel real.  It was as if his mind was unwilling to believe that things could truly come to this.  He’d often been told if he worked hard, if he clawed his way to the top, then he would be safe.  He had worked hard.  Hux couldn’t think of a single day in his life when he hadn’t worked as hard as he could for his aspirations and the Order.  So if he worked hard, why was this still happening?  Had he not worked hard enough?  Had he been too weak? 

The buildings went by in a blur and he barely noticed Ren using the navigation system.  He was saying something, but Hux couldn’t hear.  It wasn’t until Ren gave him a slight prod that Hux registered the question, “What’s in that bag?” 

Hux started slightly.  They were going to have this conversation eventually, and if it went well, Hux might be able to persuade the knight to see some reason.  Clutching it a little tighter, Hux cautiously replied, “Protectors.  Ren, I want you to wear a protector.” 

“Why?  Hux, I’m clean.  Don’t you trust me?” countered Ren.  He stared over in disbelief, and seemed hurt as well.  As if he even deserved to feel hurt at this point. 

“I believe you.  I’d just feel better if you used one,” Hux tried to explain, “I’m not saying no.  I just…I want you to use one.  Please.” 

Ren looked at him with surprise before turning his attention back to traffic.  He remained quiet for a long time, his mouth slowly opening and closing as he considered his answer.  Hux hoped that was a good sign.  Ren was going to be inside him, that part was unavoidable, but if he wore a protector there would at least be a slight separation between them.  Something that showed that Hux had a very slight amount of control in what happened.  He might not be able to control his fate, but he could choose how he met it. 

That is, if Ren agreed. 

He hadn’t normally taken this long when Hux added ‘please’ to a request.  Ren had always immediately complied.  Something about wearing a protector must have really bothered him.  Hux had expected that by asking submissively he was bound to get what he wanted, no matter what the request, but apparently there were limits.  Hux held the package tighter, “I’m not saying no, if anything, this is a sign that I’m complying.  I’m doing what you want.  All I want is to use a protector.” 

“But you don’t _need_ one,” Ren argued.  He tried to change the subject, “What else is in there…?” 

“Spermicide,” Hux muttered. 

Ren snorted, placing a hand over his mouth.  He recovered, turning the shuttle around a corner and keeping both hands on the controls, “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to laugh.  But Hux, you don’t need spermicide.  You can’t get pregnant.” 

He…hadn’t been thinking of that.  He was just thinking of the list of things his health instructors had told him he ought to have on hand if he decided to have sex.  The purpose of it hadn’t really registered.  Of course he didn’t need anything to use with lubricant and kill at least some sperm if his protector broke.  The thought hadn’t crossed his mind at all. 

“I guess they drilled that into you,” concluded Kylo, “But they aren’t hard and fast rules.  Depending on what you’re doing, you don’t need them.  Was that all you got?” 

“Lubricant…” Hux mumbled, knowing full well how disheartened he sounded. 

“Now that we will need,” said Kylo with a slight laugh, “Hux, you’re not breaking any rules.  It’s safe.  You don’t need a protector.” 

The protector wasn’t about safety at all.  Hux just wanted it to have a little say in the matter.  To keep one little part of himself under his control.  He looked at Ren, “I _want_ to use protection, Ren.” 

“But you don’t _need_ it!” said the knight incredulously.  He glanced over at Hux before checking the navigation system and turning his eyes back towards the sky, “I’ve used them before, and I’ll tell you they don’t feel very good inside.  You wouldn’t like them at all.  I know you’ve been taught to always use them, and in some cases you should, but you don’t have to when it’s us.” 

“I won’t know I don’t like them until I try,” Hux offered. 

Ren sighed, “Next time.  If you still really want to, you can try next time.  Hux…this is our first.  I want to feel you with nothing in the way.  I promise, next time, I’ll wear whatever you want me to.  This time is supposed to be special for both of us.  Isn’t that what you’re always saying you want?” 

The knight had him there.  That had been what Hux had been saying to defend himself all this time and now it was backfiring spectacularly.  So long as Ren claimed to do something in the name of making their first time special, there was nothing much Hux could do to argue against it.  If he started trying to argue to the contrary now, he knew Ren wouldn’t accept the answer.  He wanted this though.  He wanted at least a little control over the situation. 

“It would still be me…” Hux tried to argue, “You would still have everything you want.  I didn’t go out of my way to get them because I’m trying to take something from you, I got them to show I’ve accepted this whole damned thing, whatever it is and whatever we’ve become.  Kylo, please…please let me have this one concession and everything else is yours.” 

Ren actually glanced at him and seemed to be in some pain, like a parent who had to say no to their child for the first time.  He seemed scared to say it out loud.  The knight spoke quietly, “You’re being ridiculous Hux.” 

Hux felt his stomach drop.  He took the bag and set it on the floor beside him.  Ren landed and quickly faltered, “H-hux, no…I didn’t mean it like that.  You’re not ridiculous, it’s…I just don’t know why you’re… it’s just that it shouldn’t matter.” 

Hux hadn’t even realized that his eyes had started watering.  He supposed it was a long time coming.  All of the pressure was finally starting to get to him.  He couldn’t have cared less about the protector.  Hux knew that in this context it wasn’t a necessity to prevent pregnancy or disease.  It was such a small, meaningless thing, but he had pinned all his hopes for the illusion of control on it.  He couldn’t convince Ren to do this one, pointless, thing.  If he couldn’t do that, what hope did he have in controlling the knight when it really, truly counted? 

“I know you’re scared, I was too…” the knight began, “I was so scared, and there was nobody there to help me or tell me how to make things better.  I had to figure everything out by myself.  I don’t want that for you, that’s why I’m trying to do this right.” 

“If it doesn’t matter, why can’t you do this?” asked Hux, keeping his voice neutral, “Why do I always have to make concessions?  Why do I always have to do the things that make me uncomfortable?  The most you’ve been willing to do is wait.”  Hux rethought his argument and added, “I’m grateful that you’ve waited, but I’ve never pushed your boundaries the way you’ve pushed mine.  This would make me feel a little safer, and if it’s really so unimportant to you, then giving me that little bit of comfort shouldn’t be such a sacrifice.”    

 “You shouldn’t need something extra to make you feel safe,” the knight said, his exasperation finally showing in his voice.  He shook his head, as if he couldn’t begin to comprehend Hux’s point of view, “Don’t you feel safe with me?” 

That was check-mate.  If Hux said no, Ren would hurt him.  If not physically than he would change his mind about his version of events during their mission.  It would be so easy too.  Hux could see the report being written in his mind.  General Hux had been physically weak the whole time due to inability to adjust to climate and diet, requiring frequent rest.  General Hux was apprehended and required rescue.  General Hux was apprehended by local authorities for a traffic violation, which required Force-mind trick intervention.  Somehow that would hurt much worse than if Ren hit him or used his powers on him.  The thought of losing respect, possibly even his command… 

He didn’t feel safe with Ren.  Ren was the opposite of safe.  Being with Ren meant constantly engaging mental gymnastics in order to keep himself alive.  He hated it.  He thought that had all ended when he’d secured his command.  No more hiding.  No more looking over his shoulder.  No more making sure corridors were empty to ensure nobody murdered him to show off his corpse as a prize.  Not everyone liked him, but the number of people who actively wanted to kill him within his own ranks had significantly decreased.  He was finally useful, needed, wanted and then…and then… 

And then Kylo Ren froze him in that bloody hallway. 

He couldn’t say anything that would save him.  His words were no good here, not anymore.  Ren placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to coax an answer out of him, “Hux?” 

His hand was large and warm, the heat of it seeping through his coat and scarf.  The hand gives his clavicle a squeeze, its fingers massaging against his all too fragile collarbone.  It snaked around his shoulders and was joined by an arm.  With a grunt, Kylo lifted himself from his seat and a second arm joined the first, coming up to envelope him the way tie fighters swarmed larger ships; surrounding and trapping him. 

“You can have my medical records.  Will that make you feel better?” Kylo asked gently.  

The knight might have been trying to meet him halfway.  He seemed to recognize that something about not having a protector made him upset, but had completely failed to identify it.  Still, how could Hux argue?  ‘I want it so I don’t have to touch you.’  That was sure to go over swimmingly. 

He had known from the start that this would be a fool’s errand, just one more fruitless struggle.  He mumbled, “Yes…” 

The arms around him gave a squeeze, fully able to crush the air from his lungs, but they held back.  Ren pulled away to pick something up.  After a pause he said, “You’re…you’re really worried about this.” 

“Don’t,” said Hux, finally looking over.  He didn’t want pity, not now, and not from Ren.  He glowered at Ren, who held his fate in the palm of his hand and there was no way to leap off without plummeting to his death. 

Ren said nothing more on the subject, “Do you…want to stay here while I check in?” 

Hux gave a nod.  Any time spent away from Ren was worth it. 

   ***  

Just like sitting in the passenger seat in the shuttle as Ren piloted through the city, walking through the hotel felt like walking on a cloud.  Everything was clear and focused and he was hyperaware of each little detail, like the broach on a woman’s dress or the peculiar spiral of a plant.  At the same time, the details seemed surreal, like he was imagining the whole thing.  It felt like a dream and at any moment he would wake up in his own bed, the sound of ship’s engines thrumming in his ears.  The extravagance of everything seemed particularly dreamlike.  Hux couldn’t begin to imagine who would own such things or why such wealth would be poured into a place that was only meant for temporary habitation.  He might be able to purchase several fighters with the gilded decorations alone… 

He was being led by the hand, but was barely aware that he was being pulled along.  It was lucky he was being pulled or else he might have forgotten how to walk.  It wasn’t as if he’d never seen a luxurious room before.  He’d seen the homes and resorts belonging to financiers, but it had never meant anything to him.  Where they lived and what they did when all the bargains had been drawn up was none of his business.  It was like entering and leaving a bubble where his world and the world he entered meant nothing to each other.  There was never this wretched anticipation of change. 

Now nothing and everything was about to change. 

Hux tried to focus on the nothing along with the vague notion of being in a lift.  This meant nothing.  Doing this with Ren only carried as much meaning as he allowed it to.  His body would…change to accommodate the act, but muscles and tissues had a way of returning to their usual state.  Given enough time everything would go back to the way it was.  But them, the way they worked together…this was too much submission.  Ren wasn’t going to be the sort who would allow what happened between them privately to remain separate from their careers.  After this, he would never be able to control Ren.  He would always have to play support or find a way to weasel what he needed into a plan.  What was worse, Ren could use this against him.  Ren could expose him in ways he had always kept carefully guarded. 

He tried to focus on his body again.  His body wasn’t going to change.  This wasn’t going to hurt.  If nothing else, Ren was going to make sure this didn’t hurt him.  He seemed horribly fixated on the idea of making this pleasant for him. 

As warm fingers brushed his cheek Hux started, gasping as he leapt away like a frightened rabbit.  He turned, refusing to give his back and saw Ren, his arm still outstretched.  He smiled softly and offered his hand, “It’s okay… you don’t have to be afraid.” 

When Hux didn’t reciprocate, Ren took him by the waist, pulling him in so their hips were flush against each other.  Hux could hardly believe the whimper that escaped the barrier of his lips.  Instead of letting go like Ren usually did, he held on, pulling him in closer.  The knight had the audacity to start petting him, shushing him gently, “Shh…shh…it’s alright.  I was the same way.” 

Hux cringed.  Ren was playing with him the way he used to tear the legs off of spiders and crush small animals.  He was going to wind up just like them.  A spider with no legs.  That’s all he ever was for all his struggling.  In a few minutes he was going to have all his claws and venom, but no legs to carry him.  Ren continued, “I was so, so scared, just as scared as you are.  I remember this fear like it was yesterday…but you don’t have to be scared.  We’re going to fix everything, aren’t we?” 

Too frightened to do anything else, Hux nodded. 

He felt Ren kiss his forehead, “You’ve always been good at fixing things.” 

He was pulled again.  He was aware that he was passing people and that the people there saw him.  Why weren’t they helping?  Why were they just looking at him?  Couldn’t they tell he was on the verge of hysterics?  Couldn’t Ren?  Why in the thirty years of his miserable life had nobody once reached out to help him?  He had never been foolish enough to imagine there were such things as heroes and rescuers, but then… he had never been able to admit how badly he needed one. 

He could now.  He couldn’t save himself.  This was too much for him to handle, Ren was too strong.  Why…why was nobody helping him fight this? 

All too soon he found himself thrust into a room.  It was red, a deep burgundy like all of the blood… he tried not to think about the blood.  He was standing in a fully furnished room that was far nicer than any place he would likely sleep again.  Ren nudged him towards a door, opened it and ushered him inside.  It was a fresher.  Hux barely had time to look about when Ren spoke, “You should…maybe you should have a hot bath, loosen up a bit…just relax.” 

As he was about to turn and protest, Hux saw himself in the mirror.  He looked awful.  He was pale, but now all of the colour he’d ever had in his features was gone.  His usually pink lips were white as paper and the dusting of freckles on his face stood out like pinpricks of ink.  Ren looked down at him adoringly, either not noticing or not caring that Hux was showing signs of distress that went far beyond reluctant jitters.  Ren drew a hand through Hux’s hair before taking something from his pocket and putting them on the counter by the sink, “Just relax, I’ll get things ready.” 

He had barely taken two breaths before Ren was gone.  He looked about, suddenly completely aware of his surroundings.  There was a large bath behind him, a toilet.  There was a mirror and cabinets with complementary soaps, lotions and brushes.  There was also a door, an unlocked door.  Hux stumbled towards it and locked it.  It wouldn’t hold, but just like the belts around his waist, it was something, one small layer of protection. 

Turning, he spied what Ren had left on the counter.  He’d found the solution that would remove the dye.  That was right, he had promised, his hair would be red when… Hux took his reflection in one more time.  It would likely be the last time he saw himself with black hair.  Strangely, it didn’t look as awful as he thought it would.  He still looked sickly, far too pale against the stark blackness that was framing his face.  Taking off his cap he tugged his hair, checking the roots.  If one really carded through it they might see the tiniest bit of red showing. 

He opened he package and looked at the directions.  He would need to thoroughly coat his hair in the solution, let it set for ten minutes, and then rinse it out.  This was something to do, and the door was locked.  He could trick himself into thinking he was safe. 

Taking a deep breath, Hux stripped off his coat.  His shirt and belts followed, along with his pants, socks and underwear.  He was bound to spill the solution, and the package said that it would stain clothing if it made contact.  Setting his clothes aside, folding them neatly on top of the toilet, he began mixing the chemicals.  They smelled strange, and burned his nostrils a bit when he accidentally got a good whiff of them.  Mixing everything up into a bottle, he squeezed a liberal portion onto his palm and began raking it through his hair like a thick pomade. 

He tried not to think about why he was doing this.  The dye would have to come out eventually, or his hair would grow and he would cut it all out in a matter of months.  He slathered more on, the instructions said to use the whole bottle, though just enough to thoroughly coat his hair.  Now all that was left was to wait the required time to let the mixture strip the dye away.  What was he supposed to do?  There was a bath and a ‘fresher shower head.  There was a panel that seemed to control settings and temperatures; he should probably figure it out. 

There were bilingual instructions, which made everything much easier.  He tried to decide if he wanted to use water or sonic.  Try as he might to keep his thoughts on simple tasks, Ren was back in his head, telling him to take a bath. 

The idea of it brought thoughts of evil despots to Hux’s mind, who would demand that the virginal ingénue be bathed and brought to him.  He wondered if the thought had ever crossed Ren’s mind or if he was too ‘lovesick’ for it to occur to him.  Trying to decide, Hux wondered if he should obey or not.  Letting Ren have his way always stung, but Ren was going to have his way no matter what he chose.  Obedience would win him better treatment, and this… it sounded like it had potential to hurt.  No, he knew it did.  He’d seen reports from various cases from the military police.  It could be very, very violent.  If he kept Ren happy, it wouldn’t become violent, Ren said he would be gentle.  That was all he could hope for at this point. 

It didn’t have to be unpleasant though.  Hux rarely got to have baths, not having the time for it or wanting to use up so much of their water reserve on a task sonic or a lesser amount of water could accomplish.  He could have one now, guilt free, and the longer he stayed in the bath, the better.  He started to draw the bath, figuring he would be able to rinse the solution by the time it finished.  Turning back to the cabinet he looked over the selection of soaps and lotions.  He’d need a basic body cleanser to get all of the grime off of himself from the mission.  His hair could do with a wash as well, that was all he needed. 

When there seemed to be enough water, he shut it off and settled in.  It almost felt too hot, and his skin pinked after just a few minutes of contact.  It wasn’t burning, but it felt strange.  Trying to make this seem as normal as possible he began his usual routine of scrubbing himself down.  He always started with his face, then arms and torso before moving lower.  He just let his body move the way it always had, his muscle memory doing all of the work for him. 

It was strange, looking at his body now and knowing it was completely different from the way Ren saw him.  Hux viewed his own body the way a doctor might.  It was like a machine that needed to be given fuel and maintained to a certain degree if he expected it to function.  Each piece of him was part of that machine and served its purpose faithfully.  His eyebrows kept sweat and grime out of his eyes so they could see.  His teeth needed to be cleaned so he could chew to make things easier for the digestive tract.  The little hairs in his ears and nose protected his senses from dust.  There was nothing really attractive about any of it.  He could understand how an artist might take interest in a subject’s features, but that was about as far as he could get. 

Ren saw him completely differently.  He saw his mouth and didn’t see an instrument, he saw a… prospective partner.  On one hand it was admittedly… it was pleasant to be seen as attractive.  Hux was so used to words like ‘skinny,’ ‘pale,’ or even ‘homely.’  If… if he was open to it, with a partner of his choosing, who understood his dislike for the more feminine compliments, he might like it.  Yes, someone who he shared a mutual respect with.  Someone like that, if they said he was handsome, he would certainly like it. 

He looked down and wondered what on earth would make someone like him attractive.  The usual markers that he’d learned about that usually indicated desirability.  He wasn’t strong, he didn’t look particularly healthy, and he was told he was socially awkward, all in all not the ideal mate that evolution had coded the mind to seek out.  Ren mentioned his hair, the colour specifically.  Hux knew red hair was fetishized, but a fetish couldn’t be enough to guide attraction, could it? 

Glancing at each part of himself in turn, Hux couldn’t understand.  Nipples were an evolutionary holdover from a more primitive time.  His pale skin was a consequence of time spent indoors and his Arkanisian genetics, as was his red hair and freckles.  His sensitivity came from years without physical contact.  Everything had a completely ordinary explanation.  Yet to Ren, and other people, they were indicators of sexual desirability. 

Perhaps if he’d looked different… if he’d dyed his hair or tanned somehow.  Or was it just about power?  The feeling of knowing he could do anything to Hux and get away with it.  Was that all this ever was? 

The water was getting cold. 

Hux gave his hair a thorough rinse and stepped out of the bath.  Slowly his skin faded back to white as the water and filth flowed down the drain.  He glanced at the pile of clothing on the toilet.  Should he redress?  He wanted to.  He wanted to heap layers and layers of clothing on and stay wrapped up in them.  If he did, Ren was going to take them off.  Hux didn’t want to be naked though.  He didn’t want this.  On some level, even if he was under threat of pain if he said no, he wanted to have some sign of protest.  If he had to comply on every other level, he wanted something to show that he still had a mind and thoughts of his own, and those thoughts couldn’t be controlled.  Even if Ren never cared or noticed, it was one small thing for himself before this happened. 

He glanced about.  There were robes… that would suffice.  He couldn’t take the idea of Ren slowly undressing him layer by layer.  He wanted it to be quick, like ripping off a bacta strip.  He didn’t want the same long, drawn out affair as the Helden.  The belt would be off and then…then it would be over.  He didn’t want to think beyond that. 

The robe felt soft against his warm, freshly scrubbed skin.  Softer than anything he’d ever worn before.  For a moment he indulged in hugging it close to his body and running his hands over his upper arms.  It felt so good.  Taking one last look in the mirror he recalled doing the same thing in the shuttle.  He’d grinned at himself and confidently declared that Ren didn’t own him.  That he belonged to himself.  Now he didn’t know.  He belonged to himself and to the Order, but belonging to the Order meant belonging to Snoke.  And if Snoke decided to gift him to his apprentice… who did he belong to? 

He wasn’t sure it was himself anymore. 

Swallowing down nothing he looked at the door.  He had to leave.  He had to leave or Ren would break down the door and drag him out.  If he dragged him out it would hurt… that’s what he would focus on.  Making sure this didn’t hurt any more than it had to.  He couldn’t feel the latch when he opened the bathroom door.  Opening it he was smacked by air that was noticeably cooler than in the bath.  The lights were dimmer too, and something smelled odd. 

That was when he noticed a soft glow.  Detecting a source, he glanced to a chest that had some candles on them.  Hux had seen them before, ones that were kept for emergency power-outages.  He’d never seen one lit before.  Looking about he could see it wasn’t the only one.  There were several tiny candles, about half the size of his fist.  He’d been in the bath for a long time it seemed. 

He finally saw Ren.  He’d taken off his outer layers, his scarf and coat discarded somewhere.  He was tending some candles on a drawer by the bed, inching a pair of them just a little further apart until he was satisfied with their placement.  He looked up, reaching for another from the pack of them that he had acquired and stopped, staring at Hux with that stupid, slack-jawed expression.  He looked down at the candle, as if ashamed of himself before offering, “I was… I know you wanted it special so…” 

Hux felt a strange lump in his throat starting to form.  He hadn’t been prepared for this.  Not this softness.  Not a gross misunderstanding of what he really wanted. 

“Don’t you like it?” asked Ren shyly. 

He looked about and forced himself to admit, “It’s beautiful.  I’ve never seen them before.” 

Gaining confidence Ren smiled and said, “We had them as decorations when I was little.  And…uh…”  He tossed the rest of the candles aside and ducked down.  He resurfaced with a conical package in his hands.  He crossed the room and thrust them at Hux, “And I found these too.” 

A strong smell smacked his senses as the bundle collided with his chest.  Hux couldn’t feel his hands, so he let the pack rest in his arms.  Looking down inside it he saw it was a bouquet.  The monster had actually gone out and bought him flowers. 

He barely felt it when he was walked to the bed.  He sat down, the flowers resting on his lap.  He was vaguely aware that he was being pressed against Ren’s chest.  He was fixated on the purple blossoms and their smell.  Everything was perfect.  It was everything that Hux had heard when people described a perfect courtship.  But it was wrong.  He didn’t want this.  Or did he?  He was saying yes, but it was because it would hurt if he said no but he was still saying yes so- 

“Ready?” Ren asked quietly. 

He wasn’t.  He wasn’t ready.  He couldn’t do this.  He was scared.  He was terrified to the point of tears. 

“Hm?” Ren grunted, trying to coax an answer from him.  There was a hand pulling him by the shoulders against a hard, warm torso.  There was another hand on his leg, pushing fabric out of the way to get to his naked thigh.  Hux squeezed his eyes shut and his whole body tightened, his muscles all clenching to try to protect him.  A voice whispered in his ear, “Shh…it’s okay.  It’s okay to be scared.  Come here.” 

He was shifted, moved as if he weighed nothing.  He was lighter than most men his height, but the ease with which Ren could lift him was unnerving.  His legs were pulled so they lay astride Ren’s lap, dangling uselessly off the bed.  Ren was rubbing his arm, keeping him pinned closely to his chest.  Nuzzling against his bare neck, Hux let out a horrified whimper.  The knight soothed him, “See, it’s okay.  Shh…” 

“I’m scared,” Hux whimpered, all attempts at decorum and dignity abandoned as he turned to pure desperation, “I’m scared.” 

“I know, I know you’re scared.  I was scared too,” said Ren quietly, trying to comfort him. 

In a last ditch effort Hux tried pleading, “Why… why can’t you love me without doing this?” 

Ren didn’t stop.  The question didn’t even phase him.  If anything it made Ren pull him closer and hold him tighter.  He held on until Hux stopped making noises and his shaking lessened slightly.  His hair was petted and a pair of lips hesitantly pressed against his neck.  The shakes and whimpers threatened to return, but they couldn’t.  Ren might get impatient.  He might get angry.  Ren replied in a whisper, “This is to show how much I love you.” 

Seconds turned to minutes and Ren’s lips stayed against his neck, kissing gently.  Occasionally Hux felt the graze of teeth quickly followed by apologetic kisses or the press of a nose.  Ren sighed against his throat, “You smell good.” 

Hux didn’t reply.  There was nothing left to say. 

“Can I take off your clothes?” 

Hux’s stomach dropped.  He knew this was coming, but now that it was happening his mind went blank with nothing save for abstract feelings of fear and embarrassment.  Despite not saying a word, Ren proceeded as if he had every permission.  Hux felt his thick fingers at his hip, untying the simple knot in the belt that held the robe closed.  In a matter of seconds it was pulled away and the bouquet fell out of his lap.  The whimpers returned as the robe began to fall open with nothing to keep it closed.  Without warning or invitation it was pulled from his shoulders, completely exposing him to the cold air of the room and Ren’s searing eyes.  His fingertips lightly traced over the trail of hair on Hux’s stomach while Ren marveled, “It really _is_ red...” 

Instinctively, he reached for his privates to try to cover them with his hands.  Ren was quick to seize him by the wrists and pulled his weak, shaking arms up and away, pinning them against his shoulders.  Hux gave a quick, jerking motion, all of his training temporarily leaving him as he tried to tug his wrists free.  After a few more weak tugs he tried to cross his legs to keep himself hidden.  They wouldn’t move though.  It was like someone had placed a board across them to hold them down.  Was it the Force?  His own nerves?  Hux wasn’t sure. 

He sat exposed, unable to cover himself.  Ren wasn’t saying anything and he wasn’t letting him go.  He had to be looking.  Hux couldn’t bring himself to turn and look Ren in the face, but he knew that the knight must have been looking at him.  Pulling at his wrists one more time, he felt Ren give his arms a tight squeeze and firmly jerked them back into place.  Unable to move he could only sit in Ren’s lap and hold still while he was appraised. 

Tears pricked at his eyes and fell down his cheeks.  This was humiliating.  Worse than any training or hazing he’d been through.  He started sniffling, sucking back his sobs.  Ren finally started whispering, “Shh…shh…it’s okay.  I’m just looking.  You’re so beautiful.” 

Flinching, Hux tried to pull away as the tears were kissed from his cheek and the corner of his eye.  The knight repeated, “I’m only looking… I’m going to let go, don’t try to cover, let me look at you.” 

Slowly, his wrists were released.  Instinctively he began to reach down again, but stopped himself.  Instead he reached for Ren and pulled himself against the knight’s chest.  He hugged Ren as close to him as possible, offering only a look at his bare back.  Clinging tightly, he shielded himself in the crook of Ren’s neck and hoped feigning affection was enough to make him stop staring at him. 

It seemed to work, with Ren’s bare hands settling on his back and letting his fingers trace over his spine.  Victory didn’t last long though as one of Ren’s hands dipped lower and lower, finally stopping on his hip.  Gasping, Hux felt the hand grip the swell of his backside.  The hand stayed there, massaging his fingers in deeper into his flesh.  It only made Hux cling tighter, having nothing else to hold onto for support.  The knight kissed his shoulder and groaned out, “Hold on tight, okay?” 

It hadn’t been a full two days since the same man holding him had hauled himself, half-dead, out of a ravine and murdered three people.  Every time Ren lifted him up it felt like a silent threat, that this strength could be violent just as soon as it could be gentle.  Removing his hand to slide under his legs, Ren picked him up and moved them both to the side of the bed, slowly stooping down to settle Hux on the bed, making sure he rested his head on the pillows.  Hux refused to let go.  He’d be exposed again as soon as Ren pulled away.  He didn’t want that.  He didn’t want to be un-shielded, vulnerable and seen for the thin, weak, man that he was. 

Once again, things backfired spectacularly.  Ren crawled on top of him, legs straddling his hips so Hux could feel how aroused the knight was.  His fully clothed form eclipsed his, grinding into his pelvis and kissing his neck.  A hand tickled its way up his side as Ren tried to sit up.  Hux wasn’t strong enough to stop him from pulling away and sitting back on his hips.  He let his fingers trace over Hux’s chest, “It’s alright, we just need to get you turned on.” 

“Wh-what?” Hux gasped, drawing his arms over his torso. 

It was all too easy for the knight to push his arms out of the way.  Hux felt heat rise to his face as his chest was cupped by Ren’s hands squeezing the scant muscle and fat he could find.  Shifting over his hips, Ren repositioned himself, leaning down so he could keep kissing while thick fingers sought out his nipples.  He was so frightened that all he could make his arms do was rest on Kylo’s shoulders as he felt what had to be an erection prod into his thigh, a constant, unwelcome reminder of what was coming.  He tried to squirm away from it on pure instinct, gasping as his sensitive nipples were circled and stimulated to hardness.  

“There, relax, just like that,” Ren advised, stroking over the stiffened buds, “Relax and let your body have what it wants.” 

“No, no, I’m scared…” Hux whimpered, feeling Ren grind into his leg again. 

“I know, it’s okay to be scared,” assured the knight, kissing Hux’s cheek.  He kissed a trail to Hux’s lips to claim them.  Warm lips moved over his own with a tongue occasionally swiping over them while fingers worked over his nipple, “I love these.  Pink and petal soft.” 

Once again, Hux watched Ren trail down and suck a nipple into his mouth.  His body responded, but it was something that unsettled him.  It seemed too much like Ren was childishly trying to nurse from him, tonguing his nipple and suckling it like a baby.  All of it was only made worse than the knowledge that Ren had an equal parts loving and resentful relationship with his mother.  Even with those thoughts the actions made his toes automatically curl.  Ren’s lips pulled back, a wet noise sounding clearly through the room as he did and Hux stared in shock at the angry red colour his nipple had turned as Ren gave it a quick bite.  The knight propped himself over Hux’s prone form and said, “I want to touch you.” 

Touch him?  He was already… Hux felt fingers tracing a line down his torso and leisurely gliding across his abdomen.  It wasn’t stopping, moving lower and lower.  Hux felt his face twist in mortification and a sob escape his throat.  Nobody had ever touched him like this.  He fought to make sure he would never be in this position.  He was afraid and ashamed as tears started falling again. In any case, the hand didn’t stop. 

It wrapped around… it stroked his…

Hux gasped and sobbed, tossing his head to the side as Ren explored the most private and intimate areas of his body.  Ren’s hand was hot and his fingers were thick and they wrapped around the shaft of his penis.  It was examined and stroked, a thumb reverently gliding over it.  Hux cried openly.  He couldn’t hide anymore.  Everything was out in the open and there was nothing he could do to stop anything that was happening.  It was only made worse by the fact that his body was still responding.  Ren touched him and his legs jerked.  Heat pooled between them and he could feel himself getting hard with each gentle, persistent stroke.  Ren pushed his head back into place so he could be kissed, his cries and sobs disappearing down the knight’s throat.  A hand twisted into his hair, keeping his head still while the rest of him thrashed and quivered in arousal and confusion. 

“Sensitive…” Ren groaned against his lips, “Is the first time you’ve been touched like this?” 

Firsts meant nothing.  It was just a cultural construct.  When Ren said it though, it truly felt like something irreplaceable was being stolen from him.  This _was_ his first, and what should have been a milestone, an awkward but pleasant memory, was being forced on him against his will and twisted into something terrifying.  Nobody had touched him there or in this way before, but Hux knew it wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

“I know nobody had been inside but…nobody’s touched?” asked Ren. 

“No…” Hux sobbed out, “No- ahh… s-stop, I can’t…” 

“You can.  You’re so beautiful,” said Ren, releasing him.  Hux curled his legs up as much as he could, but he couldn’t move them to cover himself with Ren in the way.  His member lay hard against his stomach, something he’d never felt before or allowed to happen.  It was uncomfortable in a way he wasn’t familiar with, on the cusp of release but not wanting it, and not having enough stimulation to get rid of it.  He squirmed at the feeling, unsure of what to do.   

“Shh…don’t cry.  Please?  I know it doesn’t hurt… I know you’re scared, but I’m here.  Hux, please,” begged Ren, a large hand cupping his cheek and wiping the tears away. 

“Please stop, I can’t, I can’t do this,” sobbed Hux. 

“It’s okay, just let go.  Don’t think about positions or officers or what people think of you, just relax and feel.  It’s okay to feel good,” Ren reassured him, brushing his hair back, “I’m making this as special as I can.  I thought… I thought you’d be happy, even if only a little.” 

He sounded disappointed.  No, Hux couldn’t allow that.  If they wound up postponing this he would just have to go through the same thing all over again.  This had already happened so many times before.  So many times when Ren had nearly but not quite debauched him.  This was his best opportunity, the easiest he could make it for himself and detached as the act could be from his home and his usual life.  If Ren took him on the ship, in a place he saw every day and would constantly be reminded of this terrible interaction. 

“I’m sorry… I’m scared,” Hux blubbered fruitlessly. 

“It’s okay, it won’t hurt, look…” 

Ren took Hux’s hand and drew it to his face.  He forced Hux’s hand to glide over his hefty chest, down his abs and over his thigh.  He shook his head slightly, smiling gently as he assured, “It doesn’t hurt at all.” 

He pulled back a little more and started to pull his shirt off.  Tossing it aside he looked down at Hux, “I know being seen is embarrassing, but you’re so pretty.  You don’t have anything to be ashamed of.  No big moles, no scars, and so delicate… you’re beautiful, especially like this.  You’ve made me so happy, I don’t want to make you cry like this.” 

Hux couldn’t make himself analyze what was being said like he usually did.  All he knew was that Ren was trying to calm him down.  Hux stared up at the ceiling, breathing hard and trying to catch his breath.  He wiped at his eyes and felt the bed shifting under him as Ren moved.  He heard more clothing being tossed aside and his whole body bounced slightly as Ren leapt to his side.  Hux could feel him pressed against him, completely naked. 

“Here, you can see me too.  Is this better?” asked Ren, draping an arm over him.  He forced Hux to turn his face and look him in the face.  Hux had tried to avoid exactly that.  Looking into Ren’s eyes, they seemed so earnest and desperate.  There was something absolutely mesmerizing about their watery blackness.  Despite how manipulative Ren was, his eyes showed such pain and sorrow Hux could feel himself reflected in them and it never failed to spark pity in him. 

“There, it’s okay,” Ren assured him, “You feel so good and Hux…you’re gorgeous.  You’re brave and smart, and I _know_ you can do this.” 

Praise did something strange to him.  Not flowery descriptions of his supposed beauty, but genuine praise about traits he valued.  He didn’t know if Ren meant it or not.  Despite that, in that moment he needed to hear how brave he was for doing this thing that nobody would ever hear about, but would change everything.  That would spare others who would never know what he was sacrificing to protect them. 

“You’re…you’re the most amazing person…” said Ren, stroking his cheek, “We’re going to make this good… So no more crying, okay?” 

Hux wiped his eyes again and nodded.  He had to get this over with.  No amount of crying could change that.  He had to do this.  He had to stop crying and do this. 

“Okay,” said Ren, his soft smile becoming insufferably cockier.  He also broke eye contact, trailing lower as he too Hux in and drew a hand up and down his side.  Hux felt himself shudder under the touch.  It was so rare that he was touched and skin to skin contact over his entire side was completely alien to him.  It was hard to process the sensation, unable to decide if it was good or bad.  Ren’s commentary wasn’t helping much either, “You’re so pale and soft… only for me, right?” 

The silence indicated that he wanted an answer.  Unable to speak, unable to say out loud that he belonged to Ren, he nodded and sniffled. 

His whole spine seemed to buzz with the attention Ren gave him.  Every touch shot through his nerves, up his back and engaged in acts of terrorism on his overloaded brain.  Ren wasn’t even touching him roughly, tracing intricate, lazy patterns over his chest.  They stroked his all too fragile collarbone, with one of the knight’s fingers able to eclipse its circumference.  They tickled their way down his sternum before drifting to his chest, cupping it again and letting his fingers latch onto a nipple, “Much better than a girl.” 

If that was supposed to be reassuring it wasn’t working.  He watched Kylo rub his thumb over it, looking satisfied as Hux shivered and flushed in a strange mix of shame as the feeling of being touched overwhelmed him.  He couldn’t help whimpering.  As scared as he was of it…it felt good.  Kylo seemed to be touching him the precise way to force a response out of his body.  All the markers for displaying arousal were present, Hux couldn’t deny it.  He was…erect, as were his nipples, his heart rate was up, he was flushing, there was no trying to hide what Ren’s ministrations were doing to him. 

“That’s it, don’t fight it…” encouraged Ren, pushing Hux to lie on his back, “S-spread your legs…” 

“W-wait…” said Hux.  He tried to think of something to postpone this.  Anything.  Nothing was coming to mind.  He couldn’t think straight.  Ren was already reaching downwards.  Hux grabbed onto Ren, holding himself close to make himself harder to access.  He could hear the knight begin to groan in frustration and knew he had to stem his irritation before Ren did something drastic. 

So he kissed him, just pressing his mouth to Ren’s and trying to ignore the strange sensation of full skin to skin contact.  For a moment, the knight was stunned, but soon enough Hux felt a hand seize him by the hair so his head could be kept in place.  Ren kissed him deeply and Hux…tried to enjoy it.  If he ignored everything about why this was happening, he did like being kissed.  Though Ren seemed to kiss him with a hunger that was entirely new.  With a groan, Ren gripped his backside, causing Hux to cry out in alarm. 

The hand travelled up his thigh and pulled, jerking Hux’s leg until it rested on Ren’s hip.  He held it there a moment, making sure Hux would keep it in place.  Ren’s lips grinned against his as he marvelled, “Flexible…” 

“Ren…wait…not so fast,” pleaded Hux as his thigh was fondled, the hand creeping closer to his ass. 

“It’s okay,” insisted Ren, his hand moving back into place.  Hux expected it to stop but it didn’t, creeping closer to his… 

“Wait, Ren, wait,” begged Hux. 

“Shhh,” hushed the knight, intent on shutting him up so he could continue.  Hux cringed as the fingers found their mark.  Aside from keeping himself clean, Hux had never bothered touching anywhere near his asshole.  It was dirty.  It was unsanitary.  With his leg lifted, he was completely exposed for Ren to explore.  A warm finger traced around the rim and Hux felt jolts fire energy like a cannon all the way up his spine.  It was sensitive.  He had no idea that it would be so sensitive.  Ren’s finger caught on the skin and pulled, “You’re so tight… I’ve got to get you loosened up.” 

“Ah…” Hux gasped out, unable to form proper words again. 

“That’s my doll…” soothed Ren, pulling his hand away for a moment, “Just enjoy it, it’s not going to hurt at all.” 

Hux felt like a child about to get his first vaccination.  This was going to happen, it was going to be strange and frightening, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.  Suddenly he felt something pour over his hip and cried in shock.  As he turned, Ren tried to shush him again.  Hux turned and couldn’t help feeling scandalized as he saw the jar of lubricant hovering in the air, the contents scooping themselves out and rubbing over his skin.  Ren kissed him and gave a slight laugh, probably thinking that using his power like this was amusing.  He placed his hand over the globs of lubricant, rubbing it over Hux’s skin as the lubricant warmed, softened into more of a liquid and coated his fingers. 

It was happening.  It was really happening.  Hux turned away and buried his face against Ren’s chest.  He didn’t want to watch.  Something inside him was telling him that this was going to hurt.  He whimpered as Ren massaged his ass, shushing him and whispering endearments to him.  Slowly, the knight repositioned his finger and Hux felt more pressure than before.  The finger was trying to get inside.  His whole body stiffened, all of his muscles tightening in anticipation. 

Ren played with his hair, trying to soothe him, “Shh… so pretty.  Just relax, it’s going to feel good.” 

Keeping his muscles stiff and tight was going to do him more harm than good.  Hux knew this from his training and from reading statistics about accidents.  He couldn’t help it though.  His body was bracing itself, torn between trying to protect him and anticipating more of this new attention it was receiving.  Not having anything else to anchor him, Hux clung to Ren, wrapping his arms around him and whimpering against his clavicle. 

A finger wriggled its way inside, struggling to gain entry barely past the first knuckle.  Ren groaned in his ear as Hux cried out.  It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t comfortable.  His instinct was to push it out.  It didn’t belong there. 

“Ah…Force, you’re _tight_ ,” groaned Ren. 

Hux whimpered as the finger wriggled in a little deeper, halfway to the second knuckle.  His body kept trying to expel it, clenching down on it to try to get it out of him.  The slickness of it was alien and unsettling.  Panting harshly he could feel it work its way up to the second knuckle, the finger now able to curl inwards slightly.  He whimpered at the feeling of being poked and prodded from the inside, not enjoying it at all.  He also didn’t like the way Ren called him ‘tight.’  Being reduced to something that was only good for Ren’s pleasure was…

“Shh… I know, I know.  I have to do it slow so I can be gentle,” explained Ren. 

The only thing he could do was hold on tighter.  His arms were getting shaky and tired with the effort he was clinging so tightly.  The finger had slid all the way in, twisting and curling where it could.  Was this how he was supposed to be stretched?  He knew he would have to be to…to accommodate without hurting himself.  He tried not to think about- 

Something inside him felt like a bolt of lightning had shot from his lower back straight through the rest of him.  He clutched Ren, screaming wordlessly, and louder than he had in years.  He shuddered, collapsing against the bigger man’s neck.  He had no idea what that was, he didn’t understand, but now instead of just clenching, his hips were moving themselves, as if they wanted to get that feeling again.  Hux knew he only ever did that when he was hard and trying to relieve himself. 

“There it is,” Ren purred in his ear, “Knew you’d scream for it.” 

Hux had no idea what he was screaming for.  It took him a moment to remember that the thing Ren must have touched was his prostate.  Was that how it was supposed to feel?  Even though it was his body he had no idea how it was supposed to react.  Ren seemed to know it better than he did, touching him in the precise way and places to force a reaction from him.  Hux wished he’d experimented more, if only to have an idea of how his own body worked. 

He felt weak, only able to cry out and cling to Ren while the knight firmly stroked his finger over the bundle of nerves inside him.  It would wriggle around, then firmly press down as if to reward his patience.  He still couldn’t believe that this was happening, that Ren was inside him.  The person he hated more than anyone had him at his most vulnerable and experiencing him at his most intimate.  The people who Hux cared for the most had never seen him half as exposed as this.  Ren was the only one, and what was worse, it was very likely that he would remain the only one. 

As he felt another slick finger fighting his clenching muscles for entry, Hux’s breath hitched.  He could barely fit one, how was he supposed to take another?  Ren shushed him and worked the second finger in, pushing slowly like last time, working in as much as he could.  He whispered in Hux’s ear, making him shudder and his spine light up, “It’s okay, just relax…it’ll be easier if you relax yourself.” 

He didn’t want to relax, he didn’t want to just let Ren in.  He had to though.  If he didn’t it would make it worse.  Willing himself to relax wasn’t easy, it was near impossible.  Somehow despite that Ren worked his second finger inside, this time scissoring his fingers open and closed as much as he could.  It didn’t feel good.  Ren seemed to sense this and began sloppily kissing his throat to try and distract him.  It wasn’t working, not really.  Hux could still feel everything that was happening, he let out a loud, uncomfortable whimper and Ren stopped, “H-hold on.  I’ll use more lube.” 

Ren withdrew his fingers and Hux gasped at the foreign feeling.  Suddenly he was left empty, and his muscles still weren’t completely contracting back to their normal state.  He threw his head back, trying to catch his breath as he heard the wet sound of Ren rubbing the lubricant between his palms.  He assured Hux, “It’ll be okay, I’ll make it better.  We’ll get you wet so it’ll go in nice and gentle.” 

Nice and gentle.  Hux tried to focus on that.  Nice and gentle.  No bleeding and no pain.  He still didn’t like it though.  He didn’t like the feeling of Ren inside him.  It was too much.  Perhaps if they’d built up to it, experimenting with one finger and then trying more some other night, then it might not be so bad.  It felt like too much all at once.  It had been what he wanted, all the discomfort at once, but now he was regretting it. 

“Ah…d-don’t like it…” Hux tried protesting.  He was breaking the cardinal rule, not telling Ren he hated something, but it just slipped out in a moment of lapsed judgement. 

“I know, I know, this part feels strange,” said Ren, dismissing the remark.  He nuzzled Hux’s neck and placed more kisses along his jaw, “Just a little more.” 

The finger pressed back in, even more slick than the first time.  It practically glided in before coming to a stop and wriggled about, trying to make sure his insides were well coated.  As promised, Ren made sure to let his finger pass over his prostate, massaging it before withdrawing and pushing back in with even more lubricant.  After a third coating Hux could feel it starting to dribble out of him.

“There, I think you’re ready,” said Ren. 

Hux felt another finger prodding him and he keened in dread.  Two was already too much!  He couldn’t take a third!  He gripped Ren’s back and hair, with no regard as to whether he was pulling or cutting.  Ren wouldn’t care either way.  The knight struggled to penetrate him, hissing, “Relax… you’re so tight Hux, you need to relax.” 

He couldn’t relax.  It was too much and he didn’t want any more.  That was when Ren found his prostate again, pressing his fingers against it with long, persistent strokes.  Hux couldn’t help crying out, trembling against Ren and sobbing at the strange feeling.  Ren continued to kiss him, gently, as promised, as Hux exhausted himself with mewling and squirming.  When he’d gotten tired enough, Ren worked a third finger in, finally pulling away once he’d gotten it all the way in. 

While he pulled away he turned Hux onto his back.  Hux didn’t like it at all, Ren could see everything, though he supposed that was the point.  He was still hard and he had those, those fingers in him.  He was open, naked, vulnerable and he hated it.  Ren took in the sight of him, his mouth stupidly gaping before giving a confident grin.  Hux turned away and shifted his legs, trying to get comfortable with the fingers inside him.  Ren experimentally thrust them in and out, drawing another whimper from Hux as he did. 

“Look at you…” marvelled Ren, running a hand down his thigh before forcing his leg up and bending it at the knee, “It’s like you were made for this.” 

He wasn’t made for this!  He wasn’t!  It couldn’t be true.  It couldn’t… 

“Your cock is cute,” said Ren, reaching for it once Hux’s leg was secured over his shoulder.  Ren ran a finger lightly over the underside and Hux shivered, crying out when he felt come start to dribble over his stomach.  Hux could hear the grin on Ren’s lips as the knight purred, “But you can’t come, not yet.  Still… I want a taste.” 

Hux let out a wordless gasp of disbelief.  Who in their right mind would want something so disgusting in their mouth!?  Who would want such a sensitive organ next to rows and rows of teeth!?  Hux certainly didn’t, but when Ren pinched the base of his…his cock, he couldn’t move.  He was too scared to think straight.  He froze up and let out a loud keen when he felt breath on his skin and a quick swipe of a tongue over the… his… 

“Stop!” Hux exclaimed, trying to shove Ren’s head back. 

That was when he heard it, Ren laughing at him while his hand was pushed away effortlessly.  Hux didn’t have enough time to be offended.  The knight pressed down on the bundle of nerves inside him and he tossed his head back, crying out wordlessly at the strange sensation.  Ren kept laughing, chuckling and making that awful leaking pipe sound.  He stopped long enough to speak, “Why are you so embarrassed?  Everyone does this.” 

That had to be an overstatement.  Hux could think of a million things more appealing.  Ren continued, lowering his head and taking another quick swipe of his tongue over it, “You really never learned any of this.  You’re so _pure_ …” 

There was a strangely cruel edge in that word.  Hux was confused.  In a span of minutes Ren had gone from aggressive, to caring to gloating over him while he was violated.  It was just one more thing to disorient him.  He felt Ren’s hand return to his cock, pinching it at the base again.  Hux cried out as he felt the fingers inside him start to slide out.  It felt…it felt disgusting.  The only thing Hux had felt going out from there was waste, which only added to his humiliation.  The feeling of it combined with Ren watching was enough to nearly reduce him to tears again.   Ren groaned, “Only for me though.  I’m going to make you feel so good.” 

Ren moved closer and Hux felt it, something horrifyingly large pressing against him.  It felt thicker than the fingers.  Hux shook his head, mumbling a frightened string of ‘no’s as it pressed in closer, harder, trying to get inside him while shushing Hux and muttering encouragements.  Hux could feel it stretching him open wider as it slowly pressed past the ring of muscle.  Panting, Ren declared once more, “So _tight_ …never felt anyone so tight.  You feel amazing.” 

Hux could only whimper as he felt more of it going in.  Just like the fingers, it didn’t feel good at all.  It felt strange.  He wanted to stop.  It was too much. 

“Ren, _please_ …”  Hux gasped out, trying to plead with him for the final time. 

“Shh…I know, I know, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” assured Ren, oblivious to that being the exact problem. 

He should kick.  He should scream.  He should have done any number of things, not just laid there while more of Ren was forced inside him.  After a while Ren didn’t need to hold his cock anymore, the discomfort and misery was enough to dampen his artificial arousal.  No, not artificial.  It was real, but it was mechanical.  It hadn’t happened because Hux wanted it.  It happened because Ren applied a stimulus.  He didn’t like it.  He wasn’t depraved.  He didn’t get off on being…no, he wasn’t being raped because he said yes but…he was so confused.    

With gentle thrusts and plenty of oil, Ren was in all the way.  Hux could feel his body pressed against him and arched his back uncomfortably.  His lower body felt all wrong with his legs bent and this- this thing inside him.  In his imagination it was lurking just under the skin of his belly, though he knew it was impossible.  At some point his leg had left Ren’s shoulder and was lifted part way, hanging off the knight’s hip.  Ren moved forward, they were face to face now.  Hux felt warm hands on either side of his face and breath that wasn’t his own on his lips.  He looked up into Ren’s eyes, there was nowhere else to look.  Hux didn’t want to believe that there was sincerity there.  Ren gazed deeply into his eyes before kissing him desperately on the lips.  When he pulled back, Ren whispered against him, “It’s okay, that’s the worst part and now it’s over, you’re doing so well.” 

Ren kissed him again before continuing, “I promise.  I promise it’ll be good.” 

Hux’s breath hitched as Ren moved.  His hips pulled back slightly before snapping forwards.  He thrust shallowly, slowly, barely moving at all.  Ren kissed him again and whispered, “I promise.  Don’t be scared.” 

That sounded pleading.  Had he made a mistake?  Had he let something slip out of the tight vault of his mind?  Would Ren hurt him for whatever awful thoughts Hux had of him? 

He had to do this.  It was the best move he could make.  It secured his position, it secured the Order, it was to keep himself alive.  Survival was victory.  It hurt, he hated it, but he had to.  He needed to stop crying and just get this over with.  He might… It wasn’t as if he was being tortured.  It was only as awful as he chose to make it.  He could… perhaps he could make it less horrible. 

He kissed Ren back, focusing on the kiss instead of his lower body.  He held Ren by the hair to try to keep him there, in this position.  No more moving or trying to get his tongue where Hux didn’t want it.  Hux liked kissing.  It didn’t really bother him at all anymore.  He briefly thought about the man in the café.  Perhaps if he washed Hux wouldn’t mind kissing him, provided he asked nicely.  He pretended Ren had asked nicely, pretended that he’d had some choice in this and tried to claw some truth from that fantasy. 

Ren thrust into him a little more harshly, so much so that the kiss wasn’t distracting enough not to feel it.  They were still shallow, experimental, probably trying to find his prostate again.  In the meantime, Hux felt himself going soft from the discomfort.  To solve this, he felt Ren’s hands settle over his nipples again, pulling and pinching and occasionally giving them a gentle flick.  Hux panted, trying to lose himself in the sensation.  If he could just stop thinking he’d be alright.  He tried to just think about the hands lighting up his nerves.  Circling his nipples and cupping his cheek…

With a third hand? 

Hux started and broke the kiss, gasping out, “Ren!  Wh-what are you-?” 

He stopped as he looked down, seeing his left nipple actually twitch as he felt the jolting sensation of fingers flicking over it.  To his shock they were joined by an invisible hand on his hip, ghosting over it like a feather, before another cautiously rubbed over his stomach.  Before he knew it there were hands all over him, lightly petting and caressing him.  The real Ren nuzzled into his neck, sucking at the base of it and whispering, “Shh…just let me do this for you.” 

“Ren, n-no, not this…” Hux pleaded.  There were hands all over him, hands he couldn’t see.  He didn’t like it.  He was responding physically but his mind raced with the horrible possibilities of all the hurt Ren could inflict at any second.  “Please don’t use that…” 

“I want all of you,” groaned the knight, as if that was an acceptable excuse. 

Letting out a loud cry, Hux writhed against the bed as Ren finally found his prostate again.  As soon as he had, the knight began to set a relentless pace, thrusting into him quickly and with so much force Hux could hear their skin slap together.  Hux could feel the large member striking his prostate with every pass and pull at the ring of muscles at his entrance. 

All the while Ren gripped his shoulders, panting against his neck, “So tight… only like this for me, right?  Mine alone?” 

Hux couldn’t think of a response, screaming like an animal in heat.  The Force wrapped around his arms and pinned them up over his head like the shuttle.  It wrapped around his reluctantly squirming hips and raised them higher, spread his legs widely and left him completely open to receive every thrust Ren gave him.  It was stroking him fondly wherever it could, zoning in on anywhere remotely sensitive.  Places he hadn’t even thought to be sexual or had forgotten had concentrations of nerve endings.  Energy fluttered over his eyelids, stomach, and even his feet.  It coiled around his legs, licking over his thighs.  He was confident that Ren’s real hands had moved, grabbing onto his hips and digging his fingers into his ass.  Hux hazarded opening his eyes long enough to see that Ren had moved back, and was pounding into him with a look of ecstasy and awe on his face. 

His back was forced into an arch thrusting his chest up higher to show off his nipples while Hux watched in shock as they were pinched by nothing, pulled by nothing and released to spring back into place.  The position wasn’t uncomfortable, in fact he was supported much better than if he had been lying on the bed.  As promised, Ren was handling him gently, never striking him, and he hadn’t bled at all, but it was clear that he was being positioned for Ren’s viewing pleasure.  The knight could thrust into him and watch as his energy swirled around Hux’s chest, tickling over his nipples, flicking and pinching them to put on a show. His cock was being given similar treatment while Ren kept a harsh hold on the fleshiest part of his ass.  The knight rambled on, “You’re lighting up.  You’re on fire.  Perfect voice.  Perfect _ass_.”  Hux cried out as something slapped against his backside, making his muscles tighten.  The knight groaned, “Ahh…just like that.  Are you close?”

Close to what?  No- Right, that.  Hux whimpered and answered honestly, “Y-yes…I-I’m close…ahh…” 

“Do you want a hand on your…your pretty cock?” asked Ren. 

The Force gave his cock a squeeze to emphasize the question.  Hux wanted to think about it, to weigh the consequences of both answers, but even his pleasure rattled brain knew he had to give a quick reply.  Without really considering what he was saying, he blurted out, “Please…” 

A hand left his ass and was replaced by invisible energy cupping and squeezing it.  Ren’s hand wrapped around his cock and began moving.  Hux keened and cried out at the feeling.  Ren’s hand felt different from his own, bigger and so much hotter.  It set a brutal pace alongside the massive cock moving in and out of him and all of the Force hands caressing him.  There wasn’t a single part of him that wasn’t being touched.  Nowhere, not even behind his ears or the skin between his toes was neglected.  A cocoon of energy was wrapping him up, with little tendrils of it prodding and tickling while others stroked over the larger expanses of his thighs, chest and stomach. 

Ren kept jerking him while another hard thrust rammed straight into his prostate.  A wave of pleasure crashed over him and Hux screamed as he was pushed over the edge.  He felt his own come spurt over his belly and chest, something he’d never allowed to happen before.  It felt hot and sticky, liked slop from the academy cafeteria that had been spilled over him once.  He also felt strained as his muscles clamped down on Ren, another sensation he’d never felt before.  The knight groaned loudly and kept moving. 

Hux mewled at his discomfort as Ren kept on using him.  The Force kept exploring his body, running fingers of energy through his hair. 

“Ren…” Hux panted out, his mouth feeling strange with the Force caressing his tongue and lips, “Not that…” 

“Mine,” Ren grunted harshly, giving a particularly harsh thrust that was certain to bruise, “You b- belong to me now.” 

Hux sealed his eyes shut as he felt the disgusting substance moving along with the invisible fingers tracing over his body.  Ren gave a few more thrusts inside him before settling in deep.  Hux’s eyes snapped open when he felt it.  Liquid spraying his insides, the thrusting motion slathering it all over inside him.  It felt hot and sticky and it wasn’t stopping.  Ren let out a loud growl and needy moan as he kept shallowly thrusting, filling Hux beyond the point of fullness as it seeped out and dribbled down his ass onto the bed.  It took what felt like an eternity for Ren to empty himself, and all Hux could do was wait for all the invisible tendrils, fingers and hands to stop their stroking and prodding and let him up. 

Ren pulled out and let his tired legs go, along with his back, but Hux’s arms remained pinned.  The knight sat for a moment, panting between Hux’s legs and staring at him.  He was in awe of what he’d done, letting his eyes trail down and causing Hux to try to close his legs to hide himself away again.  Instead the knight reached down, catching a bit of his own mess on his finger before holding up the sticky substance.  Hux cringed and whimpered.  He could feel the muscle aching, trying desperately to contract itself back into its usual state. 

“Look,” said Ren, showing off the evidence of what he’d done. 

A shameful blush crept over Hux’s cheeks.  He wanted to wash.  Now.  He wanted this off of him.  Out of him.  He wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened. 

Ren gave him a pat on the hip and kept staring at him.  The Force was still touching him too, putting just enough weight on his chest that he couldn’t get up.  Hux squirmed underneath it, hoping to be let up.  He wasn’t though, and Ren reached out, letting his hands curiously trail over Hux, tracing any bones that stuck out, dipping into his navel and brushing over his pubic hair.  Hux gasped and whimpered, feeling the Force swirling around his used entrance. 

“Beautiful,” concluded Ren, despite his hands continuing their assessment, “And mine.  I’m the only one.” 

“Ren, let go,” said Hux softly, surprised at his own hoarseness. 

“I’m just playing,” protested the knight, flicking his nipples, “You’ve got a sweet, sensitive body for such a harsh man.  Don’t worry, it’s our secret.  I don’t want anyone else touching what’s mine.” 

Hux squirmed.  Ren touching him, objectively, accomplished the goal of stimulating him, but now it felt like too much and the Force held him down, forcing him to take more.  He couldn’t argue.  He was Ren’s now.  He couldn’t call him off by wailing about his virginity anymore.  That excuse was gone and his racing mind couldn’t think of another one.  If Ren wanted to have him again, right then and there, he wouldn’t be able to stop him. 

Ren continued to pet him and stroke him, both with his hands and the Force.  He reached up and arranged Hux’s hair, smoothing it into something that must have resembled its usual neatness.  Hux kept his eyes closed while Ren kissed him gently along his jaw and at the corner of his mouth.  When he finished, Ren inspected him once more, tracing his fingers over Hux's neck where there must have been bruising, stopping to pinch and flick his nipples as they returned to his pubic hair, combing through it until it was neat.  He touched Hux's cock, which was felt far too sensitive for comfort, giving it a full examination.  His fingers stroked it lightly, gently, turning and twisting so he could see it from every angle.  Hux could feel his hole hadn't closed up, not completely, and taking advantage of this, Ren dipped a finger inside and stretched him slightly, making sure he was open enough for viewing.   

"Beautiful..." Ren repeated, "Such a pretty doll.  We'll play more games next time."  

The Force pulled back and the knight fell back into silence.  He seemed to be waiting for something.  What else was there?  He’d gotten everything he wanted, as always.  What more could he possibly want.  Pillow talk?  Hux wasn’t sure if he had it in him, so he spoke honestly, “I’m sore and covered in filth.” 

Ren chimed in immediately, “B-but, you liked it right?  It felt good?” 

So that was it.  Ren wanted to be told he’d done a good job.  Hux had to suppress the feeling of bile rising to his throat.  Ren had bullied him into bed and now he wanted to be told he’d done well.  What else could he do though?  If he said he didn’t Ren would just call him a liar, or he would get violent, chop him into bits like those rebels.  He’d…he’d had an orgasm, he couldn’t deny that, so obviously Ren had known exactly what to do and how to do it. 

It was just…saying it though.  He didn’t want to.  He didn’t want to praise Ren for this.  He was still so confused and this was making it worse. 

His slow reply wasn’t doing him any favours though.  Ren’s face was darkening and Hux could practically hear what he must have been thinking.  He’d waited, he’d decorated the room, he did what he felt he was supposed to, and now he wasn’t getting the reaction he wanted.  Hux knew what he wanted to say, that if he’d been the one with the Force this never would have happened and he hated how Ren kept persisting whenever he said no.  He couldn’t though, not if he wanted to leave this room with his mind and body intact.  The invisible bonds and Force fingers were ready to turn on him at any moment. 

“I’ve never…” Hux trailed off, trying to find something neutral to say, “Felt anything like it.” 

The effect on Ren was immediate, his face brightened and he smiled softly, cuddling against Hux’s side, “You’re incredible, really.  I know you were scared, but it was so good, and next time will be even better.” 

All he’d done was scream and writhe about. 

Ren kissed his cheek, “You’re probably sore.  I used my power to try to keep some pressure off of you.  You’ll probably want some pain medicine soon, for the discomfort, it’ll be normal in a day or so.  And um…looks like I made a mess, but don’t worry, I’ll clean you up.” 

Ren would-?  No.  Absolutely not.  He’d violated him once and that was quite enough.  Hux tried to wriggle away, but Ren was right, his ass hurt.  No wonder with the way it had been stretched.  He shook his head, “No, it’s disgusting.” 

Propping himself up slightly, Ren looked down at Hux quizzically, “It’s not disgusting, it’s part of you.  I don’t think you’re disgusting…” 

The knight’s hand drifted to his cheek, thumbing over it, giving him a careful caress as he repeated, “I don’t.” 

Something…something about that made him feel confused in the most horrible way.  He felt disgusting because of Ren, but here the knight was, petting and comforting him, reassuring him that he still had worth.  Ren, of all people.  What made it worse was this was the first time, the only time someone had said anything remotely similar to him.  Nobody ever told him he had worth with such sincerity.  Hux could feel his face start to scrunch up, his soul twisting in on itself as Ren kissed him and reached over to hold his hand, kissing his knuckles.  “You’re not disgusting.” 

He didn’t know if he was happy or furious.  In either case, Ren was the only one there.  Finally being released he threw his arms around the knight, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.  He was naked.  He hated being naked, especially around other people.  Hux often denied his own fragility, convincing himself that his training made up for his physical weakness, but that wouldn’t always be the case.  The slender limbs on his slim body _were_ fragile.  He _was_ weak.  Weakness was disgusting.  Body fluids were disgusting.  But here he was, a weak, disgusting man, and Ren was assuring him that he was perfect.  He wanted so badly to be held and comforted.  Even if it was by the man who…

The man who just… 

It was such a comforting and horrible thought. 

“Shh… You’re perfect, I’ve got you,” said Ren, “Let me clean you up.” 

Hux didn’t know if he could walk.  He felt sore and tired.  He needed to lie down, if only for a moment while his mind put itself back together. 

For so long he’d thought of this as something final and irreversible.  It was, in a way, but he was still here, he was still alive.  It was all over.  Everything had changed, but he’d survived it.  Somehow he felt lighter.  There was no more dread.  He’d lost, it was all over now.  How was it possible to feel so light and so miserable at the same time? 

“I need to rest,” said Hux quietly. 

“Anything you want,” said Ren, pulling back to kiss his cheek. 

He settled Hux further up the bed, propping him against the pillows away from the mess.  The knight was more than eager to assist, fetching Hux a glass of water and pulling pillows from the sofa to make him more comfortable.  He also gave Hux his robe, covering him up and tucking him in once he’d had his water and a little medicine for the pain.  He brought a cloth and cleaned him.  There was a time when Hux would have protested, but he felt so drained he doubted he could have held the cloth himself even if he wanted to.  So he lay there, trying not to think of Ren wiping his ass for him.  Once the knight’s little care ritual had finished, Ren pressed in close, slipping an arm under Hux’s head to be used as another pillow, not minding his own nakedness or that he was closer to what remained of the mess. 

“You’re mine now, and I’m going to take care of you,” assured Ren, kissing the top of his head. 

Hux nodded, making no reply.  He didn’t know what to say.  He was Ren’s now.  What was that going to mean for the Order?  For his position?  He didn’t know, and he would have to figure that out.  He couldn’t stand to be nothing but Ren’s decorative doll, a fancy toy to be kept far from command.  He wasn’t a toy.  He didn’t want to be treated like one. 

Ren hugged his prone body close and nuzzled him, “Nobody’s made me wait like you, but you were worth it.” 

The thought wasn’t a comforting one.  Ren gave him another close cuddle and whispered, “I love you.” 

Hux felt tears prick his eyes again as he whimpered out, “I know.  I know you do.” 


End file.
